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Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of the way E.K. Podcast.

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My name is Zenya and I'm here with Michelle.

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Hey guys, Michelle's on the couch. Michelle's wearing a cap.

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Michelle is in the vibes.

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Cheers.

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She's living her patterned life.

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And today we are here with a very special guest.

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We had joined with the wonderful, amazing, fantastic DeBora.

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Let's go.

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Yay, what an intro, thank you.

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You're welcome. I thought to just set you up for the win

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and to name as many adjectives as I could.

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But I feel like maybe I missed out some more.

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The talented, you know, the mighty woman of God,

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the amazing, the courageous, the strong, the bold.

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Hey, I received it.

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I'll give you the ring if you want.

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Give me the ring.

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Give me the ring.

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Bro, I feel like I'm feeling blessed.

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I received it in Jesus name.

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We are so happy to have you with us because

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guys, we're going to be getting into DeBora's story,

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her testimony, who she is, what she does.

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Some of you may have known her.

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You may have seen her before.

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But yeah, we're so excited to hear about what God's been doing in you

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and how God's been using you to help other people in their faith.

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So that's how it's been.

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I thought it would be great to start and chat about like, what did you do?

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Because I feel like you live quite a unique life.

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Like what you do is very interesting and very different.

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So just give us like a little, what did you do?

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Maybe give us like a typical day in your life as well.

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You know what, that's a hard one because every day looks so different.

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So what I do is that I'm a faith-based content creator.

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So I get to go online and speak about Jesus.

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So share the word, share the light of Christ in the dark space

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that the internet is, which is such an honor.

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I never planned to do this.

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I never wanted to do this.

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I don't know, it's so crazy how it came about.

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But yeah, that's what I spend my days doing.

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So what the content I create is that I do kind of Bible study type of video.

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Sit down, sharing about just life experiences that we walk through

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to encourage other people in knowing that they're not alone.

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Because I think that's a big thing that in our walks with Christ,

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we can feel alone so quickly.

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And I think that's what the enemy wants as well.

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So yeah, that's a type of content that I do and then also vlogs.

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So like every day lifestyle, what a life with Jesus looks like

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to encourage people that life with Jesus is not boring.

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Because that's what I thought for a long time.

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So yeah, that's kind of it in a nutshell, to be honest.

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Super encouraging.

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I feel like when I first stumbled on you

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is on the video that you made about your testimony

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when you're getting your home that you live in right now.

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That video, like it was in my recommended for like all weeks.

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Now I was like, what was this video about?

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And I clicked it and I listened to it and I was like, wow, like,

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you've just got such a talent with communicating.

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And I think you speak in a way that's so relatable.

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I think like, well, you were talking about how Christian he's not boring.

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Like you could be a Christian and smile and enjoy your life.

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But I used to think the same thing.

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And I used to think like, I don't see anybody else

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that is living this thing out like at our age or whatever.

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And I feel like you live in a way that's so like encouraging

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for others to know that, you know, if you can do it, we can do it too.

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So yeah, I just wanted to encourage you on that.

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Oh, thank you.

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Thank you.

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I think that's the heart behind it as well.

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Because yeah, like I mentioned for a long time,

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I thought that life as a Christian was boring.

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And that's why I mean, I'm maybe getting ahead of myself a little bit.

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But that's why I kind of walked away from the faith

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because I was looking at everybody around me in the world.

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And I thought, oh, they're living this great life.

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I'm missing out.

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But yeah, long story short, the Lord just showed me that, no,

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Jesus came that we may have life and have it to the full.

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And that's what I get to experience now.

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So really encouraging other people our age in that

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is kind of the heart behind what I get to do.

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And yeah, so thank you.

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Thank you.

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That's what I hope that it comes across as.

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So that's great to hear.

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I think that's really encouraging.

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There's so much power in when somebody sees somebody online,

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like saying that I actually recognize that you can feel alone in this,

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but you're actually not.

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And that we're all doing this together as a community.

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And not only do I feel seen by watching your video,

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but I also feel seen by God and the community around me

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that they were doing this all together.

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And this Christian walk isn't just this constant high,

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but actually it comes in seasons and waves of it being high and low.

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That's true.

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And to be able to be with each other,

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to encourage each other and that is such a gift.

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But you briefly mentioned how you sort of stepped away from God.

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What is the story, but behind that and before?

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You know, even coming to Jesus.

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Yeah, good question.

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I guess like condensed.

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So I'm from the Netherlands.

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That's why my accent is a bit weird.

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I grew up in quite a small town over there

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and I grew up in a single parent's Christian household.

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So I was brought up going to church and hearing the word of God.

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And that's kind of where my foundation was laid

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for which I'm so grateful.

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But a big part of what I walked through

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is that I got bullied a lot in school.

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So I always felt very alone.

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And I felt like in a way I was not wanted.

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Like I grew up without my dad.

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So I think these things left quite an impact,

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obviously, as it would on someone.

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Something that I can see is that I don't know where this comes from,

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but I always wanted to get out of my hometown

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and move to like a bigger city and kind of...

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I don't want to say achieve great things

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because that sounds quite cringey.

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But I don't know if you girls can relate.

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Like just getting out of your hometown

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and like, you know, doing something else,

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like not following the status quo in a way,

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but I didn't know what that looked like.

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So then fast forward to the end of high school,

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I did not know what I wanted to study.

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I'm a creative, but like creatively,

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it's not really encouraged by a lot of adults

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to like go do something creative.

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Like a stable job, you know?

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So I ended up doing a gap year

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and I came to London on that gap year.

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Yeah, and then I ended up...

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I did end up going to university here.

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I ended up going to...

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It's called BIM London.

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So it's like a music.

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Yeah.

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It's just school.

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So I went there for vocals.

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I wanted to be a singer-songwriter again,

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but it's like, hello.

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It's an important part of my testimony

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that I wanted from a young age.

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I wanted to be a singer.

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That was like, yeah, I think the main thing.

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And while I was at university,

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that's kind of where I was surrounded

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by people living a different lifestyle.

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And I'm sure that more people our age can relate to this,

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that yeah, you're seeing people do something else

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than what you're used to.

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And I felt like this good Christian girl

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who hadn't experienced anything in life.

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And it just seemed like I was missing out,

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which, to me, I think is such a big trick of the enemy.

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Like, if we look at the Garden of Eden,

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that's what his whole plan was to make Eve recognize that.

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Yeah, they had everything, but what about that thing?

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You don't have that, though.

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And I think that's what the enemy does in our lives

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over and over in different packages in different ways.

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So I can see how that's what he did with me.

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You know, I had the Lord,

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but all these other things in the partying in the lifestyle.

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Like you're missing out, you're missing out.

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So what I also could see is that I started to, again,

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you know how I mentioned that I got bullied in school

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in university.

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I could kind of start that, see that starting again,

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that people could see that I didn't want to go to the parties.

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I didn't want to drink and do all of these things.

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So I remember that people called me boring.

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And I think that triggered something of like,

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nope, I'm not going to be this girl again.

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This is not going to happen.

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Forget this.

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Like what did a good Christian girl life in a way get me?

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It didn't get me anything.

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Goodbye, I'm leaving.

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And that's where, unfortunately, I kind of took away,

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away from the Lord and just, yeah,

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followed that lifestyle that everybody seems to be living.

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I don't know if you girls can relate to this.

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Like, you know, that feeling of missing out.

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And then, yeah, that feeling of wanting to fit in.

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Yes, and wanting to be accepted,

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because you've gone through your holes of school journey,

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of not having that.

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Yeah.

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And then being like, okay, well, uni is a fresh start.

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People don't know me.

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People don't know where I've come from.

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So that's it.

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Like you're not surrounded by your parents and that safety guy.

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So you kind of feel like you could do what you want to now.

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So, yeah, I went astray.

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And I think also a big part of the things

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that I walked to was to try and get validation

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for the fact that I didn't have my dad growing up.

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You know, a father figure is so important in the child's life.

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And I try to make up for that by getting validation from guys.

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And I wanted to be seen as like the it girl kind of

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because I never was that.

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So I was trying to make up for things

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that I missed out on in my childhood.

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And I mean, that's a very slippery slope

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because whenever you try to get validation outside of God,

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you're not like, it's not going to work.

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It's always going to leave you empty again

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and like you have to try again.

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And yeah, it was just quite a mess.

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So, yeah, I straight away from the Lord

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in that way for a few years.

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And then I had to come to a place where I hit rock bottom

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quite hard.

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And I think God does that sometimes to gracefully break us.

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I don't think that God longs to hurt us.

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But I do think we can sometimes be so stubborn

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that there's no way for us to return back to him

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unless he takes things away and kind of breaks us down.

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So he can build us back up again.

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So yeah, that's the point that I reached

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where I hit rock bottom and then long story short,

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that's where, like the prodigal son,

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you know, we all know this story so well.

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I realized, okay, I have nothing.

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Maybe now I should return to God and go knock on his door,

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which I think is quite sad that we have to get to a place

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where we have nothing else before we go to God.

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Like, think about it, that's such a last choice thing to do

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to return to someone when you have nothing else left.

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It's like, now I'll go home, it's so sad.

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But God is so kind and gracious and loving

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that he does not turn us away in those moments,

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but that he's already, you know, like in the story

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of the prodigal son, as our good father,

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he's already waiting for us down the road

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with his arms wide open.

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So that's what I got to experience as well.

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And I'm so grateful for it.

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I would not be here today if God did not give me a second chance.

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So I think that's like everything condensed right there.

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Yeah.

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So good.

254
00:11:45.880 --> 00:11:49.200
And I think like, I think about the,

255
00:11:49.200 --> 00:11:52.440
I think about this a lot, how, you know, when we grow up,

256
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we have these like big dreams, like big aspirations.

257
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I want to do this, this and that.

258
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And we, we crave for that independence

259
00:11:58.360 --> 00:12:00.600
at like a really young age, like we all want to grow up

260
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so quickly, we want to grow up fast

261
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because we think like, when I'm 18,

262
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like that's when I'll have like the freedom

263
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and I have like the stuff that I can really want,

264
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like I can have my own phone, like I can have my own friends,

265
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I can have my own car, like I can do whatever I want.

266
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But actually, like when we get the thing

267
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and when we get the freedom,

268
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sometimes we're not equipped enough to deal with that.

269
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And we don't have the tools to stew with that very well.

270
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And I think that's how I felt like

271
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when I got to university, I was like,

272
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I finally like, this is my time to build myself, make myself.

273
00:12:33.880 --> 00:12:37.000
And it's funny how you talked about like in the,

274
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like God can almost take things away to break things down

275
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and then you realize how much like you really need him.

276
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Like in that season of being away at university,

277
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that was the time where God was able to show you

278
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that you actually needed him.

279
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And I think sometimes like we often do it like isolation,

280
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but sometimes isolation can be the making of you.

281
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Like when you're actually away from everything that you know,

282
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you have nothing else to lean on,

283
00:13:04.040 --> 00:13:06.360
but like your own faith, what do I believe?

284
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Like what is my relationship with God?

285
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And that gets exposed.

286
00:13:10.520 --> 00:13:13.160
But actually it's not a thing to like make you feel bad

287
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or make you feel shame.

288
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It should actually be an invitation for you

289
00:13:16.520 --> 00:13:18.840
to realize I desperately need God.

290
00:13:18.840 --> 00:13:20.800
And I need to go back to him.

291
00:13:20.800 --> 00:13:21.640
Yeah, I don't know.

292
00:13:21.640 --> 00:13:23.800
There's something about like the running away from like

293
00:13:23.800 --> 00:13:25.560
what we know and what's comforting to us,

294
00:13:25.560 --> 00:13:27.200
whether it's your hometown or whatever.

295
00:13:27.200 --> 00:13:29.600
Because we think that that's the thing that will make us

296
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better or like give us everything we need.

297
00:13:31.720 --> 00:13:34.160
But actually it's one where alone and when we're by ourselves,

298
00:13:34.160 --> 00:13:37.920
if we realize actually I need God more than I ever thought I did.

299
00:13:37.920 --> 00:13:39.080
And I'm listening to your story

300
00:13:39.080 --> 00:13:41.120
and I'm realizing that's very similar to mine.

301
00:13:42.360 --> 00:13:43.920
Yeah, actually I've so similar.

302
00:13:43.920 --> 00:13:45.840
I think we can all relate like being a young adult,

303
00:13:45.840 --> 00:13:47.960
we want independence, we want to be by ourselves.

304
00:13:47.960 --> 00:13:49.040
But then when we are by ourselves,

305
00:13:49.040 --> 00:13:51.680
we realize actually independence is not the answer.

306
00:13:51.680 --> 00:13:52.960
The answer is God.

307
00:13:52.960 --> 00:13:54.400
Actually need to be dependent.

308
00:13:54.400 --> 00:13:56.520
Like it's independence isn't the thing I need.

309
00:13:56.520 --> 00:13:58.320
I need dependence on God.

310
00:13:59.480 --> 00:14:00.320
Yeah, I don't know.

311
00:14:00.320 --> 00:14:02.960
I think that's a really cool threat in your story.

312
00:14:02.960 --> 00:14:03.560
Yeah.

313
00:14:03.560 --> 00:14:06.640
And you're no longer like sort of riding off of other people's faith.

314
00:14:06.640 --> 00:14:09.920
You're almost like checked into an environment where you're like forced

315
00:14:09.920 --> 00:14:14.520
to figure like yourself out and find who God really is for you.

316
00:14:14.520 --> 00:14:15.520
That's it.

317
00:14:15.520 --> 00:14:18.800
And what was that moment like for you to be aware of where you were like,

318
00:14:18.800 --> 00:14:20.920
oh, I've just hit rock bottom.

319
00:14:20.920 --> 00:14:23.360
I feel like I really need God.

320
00:14:23.360 --> 00:14:25.160
Yeah, that's such a good question.

321
00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:33.280
So what that looked like for me is I was stuck in this lifestyle of

322
00:14:34.320 --> 00:14:38.520
getting validation from places outside of God like I mentioned.

323
00:14:38.520 --> 00:14:42.160
So what that looked like for me was on social media,

324
00:14:42.160 --> 00:14:45.280
I was always posting pictures of myself and looking for the likes

325
00:14:45.280 --> 00:14:47.200
and I wanted certain guys to respond.

326
00:14:47.200 --> 00:14:50.200
I'm sure that a lot of girls our age can relate to that.

327
00:14:50.600 --> 00:14:53.400
And I was partying.

328
00:14:53.400 --> 00:14:58.560
I came home at like I remember one day I came home at 11 in the morning,

329
00:14:58.560 --> 00:15:00.520
which was like to me, that was late,

330
00:15:00.520 --> 00:15:06.120
but I would hang out in places in London where like a lot of celebrities go

331
00:15:06.120 --> 00:15:08.560
and I would find that so cool like to tell my friends,

332
00:15:08.560 --> 00:15:10.640
guess who I saw the next day blah, blah.

333
00:15:10.640 --> 00:15:15.240
I was just stuck in the cycle that was so superficial and the thing

334
00:15:15.240 --> 00:15:19.920
that I can see now is all of these things that you think are going to

335
00:15:19.920 --> 00:15:21.600
give you validation and freedom.

336
00:15:21.600 --> 00:15:22.560
Like you mentioned,

337
00:15:22.560 --> 00:15:26.920
Kenya are the things that actually leave you more empty afterwards.

338
00:15:26.920 --> 00:15:28.600
But in the moment you don't see that,

339
00:15:28.600 --> 00:15:32.640
that it actually makes things worse and you have to keep it going

340
00:15:32.640 --> 00:15:38.200
because otherwise, you're kind of left in the silence

341
00:15:38.200 --> 00:15:41.360
and you have to face your actions and see that this is not working.

342
00:15:41.360 --> 00:15:44.760
So a lot of people who live these lifestyles have to keep it going

343
00:15:44.760 --> 00:15:47.440
and they have to go out again and do the next thing

344
00:15:47.440 --> 00:15:48.960
because you don't want that silence.

345
00:15:48.960 --> 00:15:54.080
You know, I could see myself in that and I remember that one day I came home

346
00:15:54.080 --> 00:15:56.480
at like 11 in the morning and I just sat in my bed.

347
00:15:56.480 --> 00:16:01.240
I was living in this box room at the time because I mean, it's a it's a long story

348
00:16:01.240 --> 00:16:04.480
but I kind of when I hit rock bottom,

349
00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:06.320
I didn't have a room in London.

350
00:16:06.320 --> 00:16:08.280
My housing situation back home,

351
00:16:08.280 --> 00:16:10.640
me and my mom don't have the best relationship.

352
00:16:10.640 --> 00:16:17.360
I don't have a dad so I kind of had to I ended up in this box room in London,

353
00:16:17.360 --> 00:16:25.760
basically and I was just sitting in my bed looking at my stuff piled up in the corner

354
00:16:25.760 --> 00:16:30.400
and you know, coming home so late, I was tired and I just had this thought of

355
00:16:30.400 --> 00:16:32.800
how am I going to keep this going?

356
00:16:32.800 --> 00:16:35.800
Like surely there's more to life than this.

357
00:16:35.800 --> 00:16:40.480
I'm tired, I'm exhausted with my actions like it's not working.

358
00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:44.880
Again, something that I was doing was finding validation in guys.

359
00:16:44.920 --> 00:16:48.400
I want it guys to tell me that I was enough that I was good enough to stay

360
00:16:48.400 --> 00:16:53.280
because my dad never told me those things but then the guys that I was trying to chase

361
00:16:53.280 --> 00:16:58.640
were also not giving me that validation and I was just tired.

362
00:16:58.640 --> 00:17:06.720
I just yeah, I felt like I couldn't do this anymore and that's where that still small voice

363
00:17:06.720 --> 00:17:12.880
of the Lord of God spoke to me so clearly and you know, in the moment it's just like a thought

364
00:17:12.880 --> 00:17:14.000
that pops into your mind.

365
00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:16.560
It's not this like crazy moment of like God spoke to me.

366
00:17:16.560 --> 00:17:18.160
I heard this voice from heaven.

367
00:17:18.160 --> 00:17:24.480
It was just a thought that was placed into my mind that kind of said Dabora,

368
00:17:25.600 --> 00:17:28.480
clearly this lifestyle is not working, right?

369
00:17:28.480 --> 00:17:31.360
You've tried it all, you're tired, it's not working out for you.

370
00:17:31.360 --> 00:17:33.760
Why don't you return back to God?

371
00:17:33.760 --> 00:17:35.520
Why don't you come back to me?

372
00:17:35.520 --> 00:17:39.920
Give that you're all and if that does not work, go back to the life you're living now.

373
00:17:39.920 --> 00:17:43.520
Like you have nothing to lose kind of thing and I remember at that time,

374
00:17:44.800 --> 00:17:49.840
I would call myself a lukewarm Christian so I would still say that I was a Christian.

375
00:17:50.560 --> 00:17:54.000
If people ask me like what's your faith, I would say a Christian but you couldn't see that

376
00:17:54.000 --> 00:17:56.800
anywhere in my life, right? I wasn't living out the word.

377
00:17:56.800 --> 00:17:58.640
I did not believe God's promises.

378
00:17:58.640 --> 00:18:02.160
I didn't believe that God loved me even though I heard it so often in church.

379
00:18:02.160 --> 00:18:05.120
Like I was lukewarm, that's how I would describe it.

380
00:18:05.120 --> 00:18:12.560
But I was still going to church and following like social media pages that would post Bible

381
00:18:12.560 --> 00:18:18.880
scriptures and the Bible verse that kept coming up was Matthew 6 verse 33, which says,

382
00:18:18.880 --> 00:18:23.600
seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added onto you.

383
00:18:23.600 --> 00:18:26.320
And it just kept pulping up in random places.

384
00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:32.000
So then while this thought came into my mind of like, you know, give me your all,

385
00:18:32.000 --> 00:18:36.400
that Bible verse was kind of clung to it like, give me your everything.

386
00:18:36.400 --> 00:18:39.120
And I will make sure that you have everything you need.

387
00:18:39.120 --> 00:18:43.600
The things that you're now in your own strength trying to obtain come to me.

388
00:18:43.600 --> 00:18:45.360
And I'll make sure you have that.

389
00:18:45.360 --> 00:18:49.040
And because I had nothing to lose in that moment, I was like, you know what?

390
00:18:49.040 --> 00:18:54.160
I don't think as humans we can say that we've tried something fully unless we've given it our all.

391
00:18:54.720 --> 00:18:57.760
And if I looked up my journey with God, I hadn't done that.

392
00:18:57.840 --> 00:19:03.520
Like you kind of mentioned before Michelle, I had, when you grow up in a Christian household,

393
00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:11.200
you kind of get passed on the faith of your parents, but it's not your personal experience,

394
00:19:11.200 --> 00:19:12.160
right? Yeah.

395
00:19:12.160 --> 00:19:16.320
So I could see that I hadn't had that personal walk with God.

396
00:19:16.320 --> 00:19:17.760
So how could I say that?

397
00:19:17.760 --> 00:19:21.200
I gave the Lord a chance when I hadn't.

398
00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:22.000
Yeah.

399
00:19:22.000 --> 00:19:24.400
So in that moment, I remember I just went on Amazon.

400
00:19:24.400 --> 00:19:25.360
I got a Bible again.

401
00:19:25.360 --> 00:19:27.760
I didn't even have a physical Bible anymore.

402
00:19:27.760 --> 00:19:29.760
And I just kind of isolated myself.

403
00:19:29.760 --> 00:19:31.120
I was like, okay, let's do this.

404
00:19:31.120 --> 00:19:32.320
Let's give this a try.

405
00:19:32.320 --> 00:19:35.600
And if it does not work, then I can just go back, you know?

406
00:19:36.720 --> 00:19:43.120
And I mentioned like I gave God a chance, but obviously it was him who gave me another chance, right?

407
00:19:44.160 --> 00:19:48.000
And it's in that moment where things just started to change.

408
00:19:48.000 --> 00:19:52.080
I saw that the Bible is the truth.

409
00:19:52.080 --> 00:19:55.040
And when you live by it, you see the fruits of it.

410
00:19:55.040 --> 00:19:58.000
So Matthew 6 verse 33, seek first the kingdom of God.

411
00:19:58.000 --> 00:19:59.440
I started to do that.

412
00:19:59.440 --> 00:20:04.160
And then slowly, but surely, everything else around me started to shift.

413
00:20:04.160 --> 00:20:07.760
And God started to do, to do a work within me when it came

414
00:20:07.760 --> 00:20:09.600
to finding validation in guys.

415
00:20:09.600 --> 00:20:14.560
And having that father wound, God really started to show me, I'm your father.

416
00:20:14.560 --> 00:20:17.520
You can cling to me in that, expect me to show up.

417
00:20:17.520 --> 00:20:18.880
And I will be there.

418
00:20:18.960 --> 00:20:23.680
And it was a very slow process of kind of detoxing all of the things that I had clung to.

419
00:20:24.320 --> 00:20:28.560
But yeah, slowly, but surely, things were just shifting.

420
00:20:28.560 --> 00:20:30.800
And my desire for things started to change.

421
00:20:30.800 --> 00:20:34.640
And these places that I was hanging out at, I remember one time specifically,

422
00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:39.280
I was at this bar in London where, you know, all these celebrities would be.

423
00:20:39.280 --> 00:20:42.560
And I was sitting there listening to this girl talking to me.

424
00:20:42.560 --> 00:20:46.960
And the conversations that you have with people are very surface level.

425
00:20:47.040 --> 00:20:50.160
And something that I saw people would do with me all the time is,

426
00:20:50.160 --> 00:20:51.760
I like to listen to people.

427
00:20:51.760 --> 00:20:54.880
And there was one girl who said, oh, um,

428
00:20:55.840 --> 00:20:58.800
Debora, like, you're such a good friend.

429
00:20:58.800 --> 00:21:00.560
Like, I really enjoy spending time with you.

430
00:21:00.560 --> 00:21:01.200
You're so great.

431
00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:03.120
And I was like, you haven't even asked me one question.

432
00:21:03.120 --> 00:21:04.480
You don't know anything about me.

433
00:21:05.360 --> 00:21:08.720
And I think that's when the veil kind of got pulled away,

434
00:21:08.720 --> 00:21:10.000
where I was just looking around.

435
00:21:10.000 --> 00:21:11.680
And I was like, what am I doing here?

436
00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:13.120
Why am I here?

437
00:21:13.200 --> 00:21:17.360
So this place that I had found comfort in being,

438
00:21:17.360 --> 00:21:20.640
I now could see the veil being pulled away from that.

439
00:21:20.640 --> 00:21:22.160
And I saw things for what they were.

440
00:21:22.160 --> 00:21:23.920
And that was the last time I ever went there.

441
00:21:23.920 --> 00:21:25.920
Because I was like, I don't need this anymore.

442
00:21:25.920 --> 00:21:30.640
Because now I'm, I get to spend time with the actual source of life.

443
00:21:30.640 --> 00:21:33.760
And spending time with Jesus is actually changing things.

444
00:21:33.760 --> 00:21:38.080
So why would I want this like counterfeit stuff

445
00:21:38.080 --> 00:21:39.840
when I have the real thing?

446
00:21:40.560 --> 00:21:44.160
So yeah, that's where I came back to Christ.

447
00:21:44.160 --> 00:21:47.840
And since then, I mean, my whole life has just turned upside down.

448
00:21:47.840 --> 00:21:49.840
I think that is so profound.

449
00:21:49.840 --> 00:21:54.400
Like, for me, Matthew 6.83 has been a really transformative

450
00:21:54.400 --> 00:21:56.000
like scripture in my life.

451
00:21:56.000 --> 00:21:59.840
And I think the Lord is just so,

452
00:21:59.840 --> 00:22:02.640
like, he thinks of things before we can even think of them.

453
00:22:02.640 --> 00:22:05.200
Like, he just knows how it goes.

454
00:22:05.200 --> 00:22:06.880
He knows the best things for us.

455
00:22:07.440 --> 00:22:11.440
I think the searching for the validation

456
00:22:11.440 --> 00:22:15.280
in, like, distorted places is so relatable,

457
00:22:15.280 --> 00:22:17.760
like searching for the likes, the approval.

458
00:22:18.880 --> 00:22:22.320
Because as human beings, we crave to be loved.

459
00:22:22.320 --> 00:22:24.320
It's not wrong to want to be loved.

460
00:22:24.320 --> 00:22:25.920
It's not wrong to want connection.

461
00:22:25.920 --> 00:22:27.760
It's not wrong to want to be seen.

462
00:22:27.760 --> 00:22:30.560
Like, these are all things that we need as people.

463
00:22:30.560 --> 00:22:33.760
Like God's designed us that way to receive love.

464
00:22:33.840 --> 00:22:37.680
But it's going to the wrong places to meet those needs.

465
00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:40.800
Because more damage is done when we go to the wrong places.

466
00:22:40.800 --> 00:22:43.120
Because like you said, you just keep chasing it, chasing it.

467
00:22:43.120 --> 00:22:46.000
And it's like, you're on this another ending treadmill

468
00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:46.800
and you're tired.

469
00:22:46.800 --> 00:22:48.960
And like, you get to the end of yourself at 11 a.m.

470
00:22:48.960 --> 00:22:50.480
and you're sitting in your bed like,

471
00:22:50.480 --> 00:22:52.320
I just can't do this anymore.

472
00:22:52.320 --> 00:22:54.800
Like, this is not sustainable.

473
00:22:54.800 --> 00:22:56.560
I feel like the world paints this picture

474
00:22:56.560 --> 00:22:59.840
that like, if you keep chasing these insufficient means

475
00:22:59.840 --> 00:23:02.800
for validation and love, that it's enough.

476
00:23:02.880 --> 00:23:06.160
But it just makes you more tired in the process.

477
00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:08.960
And I think getting to that place where the Lord was like,

478
00:23:08.960 --> 00:23:11.920
just come back home, like come back to the thing

479
00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:13.280
that you were running away from

480
00:23:13.280 --> 00:23:15.600
because you thought that going to other places

481
00:23:15.600 --> 00:23:18.400
would be the thing that would like suit your soul.

482
00:23:18.400 --> 00:23:20.640
But actually going back to what you did first,

483
00:23:20.640 --> 00:23:22.560
it kind of reminds me of that scripture from Revelation

484
00:23:22.560 --> 00:23:24.560
where it's like, you guys did all these things.

485
00:23:24.560 --> 00:23:26.400
Jesus speaking to one of the churches.

486
00:23:26.400 --> 00:23:27.600
And it's like, you did all these things,

487
00:23:27.600 --> 00:23:29.520
but you forgot the first love.

488
00:23:29.520 --> 00:23:32.720
Like you forgot your, the love you had for the first.

489
00:23:33.360 --> 00:23:36.800
And I think it's so powerful when we accept the love of God.

490
00:23:36.800 --> 00:23:39.280
And we stop trying to find this like counterfeit love

491
00:23:39.280 --> 00:23:43.600
in other places like it just changes so much.

492
00:23:43.600 --> 00:23:47.360
You start to like, like you said, see things differently.

493
00:23:47.360 --> 00:23:52.080
And even like you talking about how the places you used to go to,

494
00:23:52.080 --> 00:23:54.000
like you naturally just felt this,

495
00:23:54.000 --> 00:23:56.560
actually, I don't think I want to be here anymore.

496
00:23:56.560 --> 00:23:59.840
I think a lot of the times coming to God feels very scary

497
00:23:59.840 --> 00:24:01.840
because it feels like you have to do a lot of work.

498
00:24:01.920 --> 00:24:03.840
Like I have to clean myself up.

499
00:24:03.840 --> 00:24:06.400
I need to in my own strength like cut these people out

500
00:24:06.400 --> 00:24:08.960
or stop going to these places or stop listening to this

501
00:24:08.960 --> 00:24:10.400
and then I can come to God.

502
00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:13.280
But actually like God wants us to return to the love first

503
00:24:13.280 --> 00:24:15.040
like just to seek him first.

504
00:24:15.040 --> 00:24:16.800
And then he will take care of the rest.

505
00:24:16.800 --> 00:24:20.640
Like you don't need to worry about undoing all your baggage.

506
00:24:20.640 --> 00:24:23.760
Like bring your bags to God and he will take care of that.

507
00:24:23.760 --> 00:24:25.120
He is just so gracious.

508
00:24:25.120 --> 00:24:27.600
And like just circling back to what you said before

509
00:24:27.600 --> 00:24:31.440
about how God didn't like shame you for coming back to him.

510
00:24:31.520 --> 00:24:35.600
Or God doesn't go like well you left me so I don't need you.

511
00:24:35.600 --> 00:24:36.720
Like he's not like that.

512
00:24:36.720 --> 00:24:38.480
Like he welcomes us back

513
00:24:38.480 --> 00:24:40.640
because he knows that he is the only place

514
00:24:40.640 --> 00:24:42.800
where we can have all our needs met.

515
00:24:42.800 --> 00:24:45.440
He is the only place where we can be sustained.

516
00:24:45.440 --> 00:24:47.520
He is the only place where we can see ourselves

517
00:24:47.520 --> 00:24:51.760
truly for who we are, who he's created us to be in his image.

518
00:24:51.760 --> 00:24:54.960
And our lives will just forever be changed afterwards.

519
00:24:54.960 --> 00:24:57.680
And I just think like even as you're talking

520
00:24:57.680 --> 00:24:59.600
there's just such a like lightness.

521
00:24:59.600 --> 00:25:01.680
Like you know, and Jesus says my, my burden is light

522
00:25:01.680 --> 00:25:02.880
and my yolk is easy.

523
00:25:02.880 --> 00:25:05.600
Like you actually, it's not something that you've read

524
00:25:05.600 --> 00:25:07.600
but you've embodied that and you live that

525
00:25:07.600 --> 00:25:09.360
and you've experienced that.

526
00:25:09.360 --> 00:25:10.560
I think God is kind.

527
00:25:10.560 --> 00:25:12.800
And as you're talking about your story,

528
00:25:12.800 --> 00:25:14.720
I just hear like God is just so kind.

529
00:25:14.720 --> 00:25:15.520
Yeah, amen.

530
00:25:15.520 --> 00:25:19.040
He's so kind and he welcomes us back time and time again.

531
00:25:19.040 --> 00:25:20.080
Yeah, that's it.

532
00:25:20.080 --> 00:25:23.360
And just off the back of that, I wanted to say like you talked about

533
00:25:23.360 --> 00:25:26.080
we don't have to clean ourselves up before we come to God.

534
00:25:26.080 --> 00:25:27.840
I remember at this time,

535
00:25:27.840 --> 00:25:30.640
I read a book or I saw a quote that said,

536
00:25:30.640 --> 00:25:34.080
when you take a shower, you don't clean

537
00:25:34.080 --> 00:25:35.680
before you get in the shower.

538
00:25:35.680 --> 00:25:37.920
Like the shower is there to clean you.

539
00:25:37.920 --> 00:25:40.480
And God's love works in that same way.

540
00:25:40.480 --> 00:25:42.080
Like just come to him.

541
00:25:42.080 --> 00:25:45.840
There's a Bible verse in, I believe it's in Jeremiah

542
00:25:45.840 --> 00:25:50.400
where God says my wayward children return back to me

543
00:25:50.400 --> 00:25:55.120
and I will be the one to like soothe your wounds and to heal you.

544
00:25:55.120 --> 00:25:57.760
So in other words, just return back home.

545
00:25:57.760 --> 00:26:00.800
Just go to the Lord and he will make sure that everything

546
00:26:00.800 --> 00:26:03.440
that's not in alignment with what he has for us

547
00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:05.840
will slowly but surely shed off.

548
00:26:05.840 --> 00:26:11.600
And what I can also see is that God is so patient, right?

549
00:26:11.600 --> 00:26:13.200
So when I look back at that time,

550
00:26:13.200 --> 00:26:15.120
I can see that over a few months,

551
00:26:15.120 --> 00:26:17.520
there was still some things that I was entangled in

552
00:26:17.520 --> 00:26:22.320
that were not very healthy and that I know that God wanted me to let go of.

553
00:26:22.320 --> 00:26:24.080
But it was like a process.

554
00:26:24.080 --> 00:26:25.520
It wasn't like day and night.

555
00:26:25.520 --> 00:26:27.360
Like, oh, now I have to let all of this go.

556
00:26:27.360 --> 00:26:28.800
It was slowly but surely.

557
00:26:28.800 --> 00:26:32.880
And the Lord, he was just so kind to walk with me in that.

558
00:26:32.880 --> 00:26:35.440
I can really see it and I'm so grateful for that.

559
00:26:35.440 --> 00:26:38.560
And I'm sure that you girls have seen that in your own lives also.

560
00:26:38.560 --> 00:26:43.040
Like, yeah, God is so patient and he's so loving and he's so kind

561
00:26:43.040 --> 00:26:45.600
and I'm just so grateful that he is that.

562
00:26:45.600 --> 00:26:46.960
So yeah.

563
00:26:46.960 --> 00:26:50.240
I think it's super encouraging talking about the process.

564
00:26:50.240 --> 00:26:51.280
Like, yeah.

565
00:26:51.360 --> 00:26:53.760
Because I think so many people have that

566
00:26:53.760 --> 00:26:55.600
thought of like, oh, I want to come to God.

567
00:26:55.600 --> 00:26:58.560
But like, they're just so much to do or like, I want to come to God.

568
00:26:58.560 --> 00:27:01.040
But like, it's going to have to take away that, that, that.

569
00:27:01.040 --> 00:27:02.560
And it's like, oh, can't be asked.

570
00:27:02.560 --> 00:27:04.160
Like I'm so comfortable.

571
00:27:04.160 --> 00:27:05.680
Like, oh, that's just so inconvenient.

572
00:27:05.680 --> 00:27:07.280
That's just going to be really uncomfortable.

573
00:27:07.280 --> 00:27:09.920
But we forget that like, it's not on us.

574
00:27:09.920 --> 00:27:11.840
Like, God is the one that will take care of it.

575
00:27:11.840 --> 00:27:14.720
Like, that same verse, like, seek first to kick them

576
00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:16.000
and all these things will be added.

577
00:27:16.000 --> 00:27:17.600
He will be added by God.

578
00:27:17.600 --> 00:27:20.400
Like, he's the one that says, I will take care of it.

579
00:27:20.480 --> 00:27:24.720
You just seek me like over time, like, our faith is a lifelong journey.

580
00:27:24.720 --> 00:27:26.720
Like, there are things that like, we're going to be figuring out

581
00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:30.000
throughout our entire lives, which means that God is still working.

582
00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:31.440
And he will continue to work.

583
00:27:31.440 --> 00:27:33.200
And he will continue to chip things away.

584
00:27:33.200 --> 00:27:36.960
And he'll continue to like put to bed old habits, old patterns of thinking.

585
00:27:36.960 --> 00:27:38.240
And it's not on you.

586
00:27:38.240 --> 00:27:40.240
Like, so I thought I just want to encourage you.

587
00:27:40.240 --> 00:27:40.960
Have this thing.

588
00:27:40.960 --> 00:27:43.920
Like, maybe you feel like, oh, like, I'm at the start of my faith journey.

589
00:27:43.920 --> 00:27:46.080
And like, there's so much that I want God to like, take away.

590
00:27:46.080 --> 00:27:49.040
Or like, whatever the case is, like, just chill.

591
00:27:49.600 --> 00:27:50.720
Like, just chill.

592
00:27:50.720 --> 00:27:53.200
And like, just be still and know that he's God.

593
00:27:53.200 --> 00:27:56.880
Like, be still and know that it's in his hands.

594
00:27:56.880 --> 00:27:58.160
It's in his timing.

595
00:27:58.160 --> 00:28:00.320
Like, you're walking this out with God,

596
00:28:00.320 --> 00:28:02.560
which means it's a day by day step by step.

597
00:28:02.560 --> 00:28:03.520
Keep going to him.

598
00:28:03.520 --> 00:28:05.040
Keep being in relationship with him.

599
00:28:05.040 --> 00:28:07.040
And he will take care of everything else.

600
00:28:07.040 --> 00:28:09.120
And you'll look back in years to come and be like,

601
00:28:09.120 --> 00:28:10.160
wait, I stopped doing that.

602
00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:10.800
Like, yeah.

603
00:28:10.800 --> 00:28:13.200
And even realize, well, I don't even think like that anymore.

604
00:28:13.200 --> 00:28:15.200
Like, oh, where are those people that like,

605
00:28:15.200 --> 00:28:17.040
I used to hang out with and it wasn't really healthy.

606
00:28:17.040 --> 00:28:18.160
Like, where did they go?

607
00:28:18.160 --> 00:28:20.800
And it's like, you just kept focusing on following God.

608
00:28:20.800 --> 00:28:24.320
You kept seeking him first and he took care of everything.

609
00:28:24.320 --> 00:28:26.800
It's not on your own efforts or your own strength.

610
00:28:26.800 --> 00:28:28.800
Just seek God and let him be God.

611
00:28:28.800 --> 00:28:29.280
Totally.

612
00:28:29.280 --> 00:28:31.200
And I think we can like, complicate it.

613
00:28:31.200 --> 00:28:34.080
So I think as Christians, we can think on a way.

614
00:28:34.080 --> 00:28:37.760
I, you know, I read the Bible and all these people around me

615
00:28:37.760 --> 00:28:39.120
seem to be so perfect.

616
00:28:39.120 --> 00:28:40.960
They don't have a single like,

617
00:28:40.960 --> 00:28:42.160
Flore in their life.

618
00:28:42.160 --> 00:28:44.880
And I need to be like, if I need to, if I want to follow God.

619
00:28:44.880 --> 00:28:47.600
But actually, like, Jesus isn't like,

620
00:28:47.680 --> 00:28:51.040
he isn't afraid of our, like, he just like, humanity.

621
00:28:51.040 --> 00:28:53.920
And just who we are, like, we are broken beings.

622
00:28:53.920 --> 00:28:55.360
And yeah, actually, invite sick.

623
00:28:55.360 --> 00:28:56.400
Then that's like, you know,

624
00:28:56.400 --> 00:28:59.600
I was no longer trying to rely on our own strength

625
00:28:59.600 --> 00:29:01.200
and trying to like, figure things out ourselves.

626
00:29:01.200 --> 00:29:03.200
But then we actually go to him instead.

627
00:29:03.200 --> 00:29:06.800
And that alone is so wonderful and beautiful to the Lord.

628
00:29:06.800 --> 00:29:08.000
And that gives him praise.

629
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:09.440
And he loves that.

630
00:29:09.440 --> 00:29:11.680
And to like, have child like faith to go to him,

631
00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:13.760
be like, that I need you.

632
00:29:13.760 --> 00:29:16.320
Yeah, that really needs your help.

633
00:29:16.400 --> 00:29:19.360
And it's like you said, Zen, it's a day today.

634
00:29:19.360 --> 00:29:21.840
It's a, okay, I wake up in the morning.

635
00:29:21.840 --> 00:29:24.160
Your, your mercy is a new every morning.

636
00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:27.760
I get to like, I get to walk this day out,

637
00:29:27.760 --> 00:29:29.200
knowing that you love me.

638
00:29:29.200 --> 00:29:31.520
And there's like wonder and mystery

639
00:29:31.520 --> 00:29:33.680
and love, this great freedom that you have for me

640
00:29:33.680 --> 00:29:35.120
that I can walk out today.

641
00:29:35.120 --> 00:29:35.760
Amen.

642
00:29:35.760 --> 00:29:37.920
And there's another one tomorrow.

643
00:29:37.920 --> 00:29:39.200
Obviously tomorrow is not promised,

644
00:29:39.200 --> 00:29:41.600
but it's a day, today walk with him.

645
00:29:41.600 --> 00:29:41.840
Yeah.

646
00:29:41.840 --> 00:29:44.800
It's not like, okay, I see myself now.

647
00:29:44.880 --> 00:29:46.800
I want to be at this place over there,

648
00:29:46.800 --> 00:29:48.160
but I don't know how to get there.

649
00:29:48.160 --> 00:29:50.960
That's not your, that's not your job

650
00:29:50.960 --> 00:29:52.800
to know how to get there.

651
00:29:52.800 --> 00:29:53.760
That's God.

652
00:29:53.760 --> 00:29:56.560
And that, that, that means putting trust in the Lord

653
00:29:56.560 --> 00:29:58.800
and knowing that he is good, you know,

654
00:29:58.800 --> 00:30:02.640
be still before the Lord and wait on him.

655
00:30:02.640 --> 00:30:03.760
And do you know what?

656
00:30:03.760 --> 00:30:06.640
I was going to say like to touch on that,

657
00:30:06.640 --> 00:30:08.160
you were like, oh, it's not your job

658
00:30:08.160 --> 00:30:10.160
to figure it out, it's your father's job.

659
00:30:10.160 --> 00:30:12.400
But when you've grown up with no father,

660
00:30:12.400 --> 00:30:14.800
you buy nature, I think that it is your job.

661
00:30:14.800 --> 00:30:15.520
Yes, it's true.

662
00:30:15.520 --> 00:30:18.000
And I personally like have experienced that myself,

663
00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:21.280
like having no like present father figure

664
00:30:21.280 --> 00:30:22.880
to like guide me in my day to day,

665
00:30:22.880 --> 00:30:24.560
give me advice, like help me out.

666
00:30:24.560 --> 00:30:26.320
You naturally grow up with the sense

667
00:30:26.320 --> 00:30:28.160
of hyper independence where you're like,

668
00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:30.000
I would not have anybody to leave me.

669
00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:30.320
Yeah.

670
00:30:30.320 --> 00:30:32.400
So I have to leave myself.

671
00:30:32.400 --> 00:30:35.520
And it's something that can be so subconsciously picked

672
00:30:35.520 --> 00:30:37.200
up as a child, like you naturally,

673
00:30:37.200 --> 00:30:39.120
but then it follows you into your teen years

674
00:30:39.120 --> 00:30:41.040
and your adult years and you realize,

675
00:30:41.040 --> 00:30:43.840
well, like, I think I know what's best for me.

676
00:30:43.840 --> 00:30:46.080
Because my whole life, I've just had to figure it out.

677
00:30:46.080 --> 00:30:47.680
Like I've had to know what's best for me.

678
00:30:47.680 --> 00:30:48.480
Yeah.

679
00:30:48.480 --> 00:30:51.040
And that's something like God took me

680
00:30:51.040 --> 00:30:52.320
on the process of relearning.

681
00:30:52.320 --> 00:30:55.760
Like I am so different to an earthly father.

682
00:30:55.760 --> 00:30:57.360
I am so different to man.

683
00:30:57.360 --> 00:31:00.000
Like the Bible says, God is not a man that he should lie.

684
00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:01.600
He's not a man that he should change his mind.

685
00:31:01.600 --> 00:31:05.440
Like God is so much greater than any earthly father

686
00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:06.240
could ever be.

687
00:31:06.240 --> 00:31:06.880
Yeah.

688
00:31:06.880 --> 00:31:08.720
And only he can reveal that to you.

689
00:31:08.880 --> 00:31:11.120
Like when you surrender yourself to him

690
00:31:11.120 --> 00:31:12.320
and when you say, you know what, God,

691
00:31:12.320 --> 00:31:14.320
I want you to be my Lord and I want you to be my Savior.

692
00:31:14.320 --> 00:31:15.680
I want you to guide me.

693
00:31:15.680 --> 00:31:18.800
And you let him be God, let him lead.

694
00:31:18.800 --> 00:31:21.200
Then you realize, wow, like you're taking me

695
00:31:21.200 --> 00:31:23.760
in a direction that I could have never taken myself in.

696
00:31:23.760 --> 00:31:24.880
That's way better for me.

697
00:31:24.880 --> 00:31:27.040
Like you are literally a good father

698
00:31:27.040 --> 00:31:28.560
who wants good things for me.

699
00:31:28.560 --> 00:31:30.640
And so like I just want to encourage anybody

700
00:31:30.640 --> 00:31:32.880
that's like maybe that's like struck a chord.

701
00:31:32.880 --> 00:31:34.960
Like maybe you're in like a fatherless context

702
00:31:34.960 --> 00:31:36.640
of whatever that might mean to you.

703
00:31:36.640 --> 00:31:39.040
But I just want to encourage you that like God is way

704
00:31:39.040 --> 00:31:41.920
better than any earthly father could ever be.

705
00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:43.680
Like God will never let you down.

706
00:31:43.680 --> 00:31:45.680
Like an earthly father could let you down.

707
00:31:45.680 --> 00:31:48.320
You'll never abandon you or discourage you

708
00:31:48.320 --> 00:31:50.640
or make you feel abandoned or rejected.

709
00:31:50.640 --> 00:31:52.480
Like any earthly father ever could

710
00:31:52.480 --> 00:31:54.480
because he made you, he loves you,

711
00:31:54.480 --> 00:31:55.680
and he has a plan for you.

712
00:31:55.680 --> 00:31:57.120
And he wants you to trust him

713
00:31:57.120 --> 00:31:58.800
because he has good things for you.

714
00:31:58.800 --> 00:31:59.680
That's right.

715
00:31:59.680 --> 00:32:01.040
I just feel really stronger on that

716
00:32:01.040 --> 00:32:02.480
because I just know how that feels.

717
00:32:02.480 --> 00:32:03.760
And I feel like so many people,

718
00:32:03.760 --> 00:32:06.240
especially young girls could probably relate to that

719
00:32:06.320 --> 00:32:06.800
as well.

720
00:32:06.800 --> 00:32:09.440
I love how like all of our stories are actually quite similar.

721
00:32:09.440 --> 00:32:10.000
Yeah.

722
00:32:10.000 --> 00:32:12.400
Growing up with like either an absent father

723
00:32:12.400 --> 00:32:15.600
or just like a dad that's not there at all in our lives.

724
00:32:15.600 --> 00:32:19.280
And I think there's a beautiful like recognition

725
00:32:19.280 --> 00:32:22.160
point within your journey and walk with the Lord

726
00:32:22.160 --> 00:32:23.840
like to like finding your,

727
00:32:24.800 --> 00:32:26.480
finding who you are as a daughter.

728
00:32:26.480 --> 00:32:27.280
Yeah.

729
00:32:27.280 --> 00:32:28.320
In God.

730
00:32:28.320 --> 00:32:30.160
And how he's your dad, he's your papa.

731
00:32:30.160 --> 00:32:32.720
He actually does care and he's looking after you

732
00:32:32.720 --> 00:32:34.720
and he does have good things for you.

733
00:32:34.720 --> 00:32:37.360
And knowing that like even like when you were growing up

734
00:32:37.360 --> 00:32:39.360
and you didn't have the awareness of God

735
00:32:39.360 --> 00:32:41.120
that he was that loving you.

736
00:32:41.120 --> 00:32:41.600
Yeah.

737
00:32:41.600 --> 00:32:42.160
That's it.

738
00:32:42.160 --> 00:32:44.320
Like what comes to mind is something

739
00:32:44.320 --> 00:32:47.760
that I read in this book by A. W. Tozer

740
00:32:47.760 --> 00:32:49.200
called The Pursuit of God.

741
00:32:49.200 --> 00:32:49.760
Yes.

742
00:32:49.760 --> 00:32:50.560
Have you read it?

743
00:32:50.560 --> 00:32:51.040
I've read it.

744
00:32:51.040 --> 00:32:52.080
That's Michelle's book.

745
00:32:52.080 --> 00:32:54.800
Listen, it's a game readable.

746
00:32:54.800 --> 00:32:58.400
There's a bit where he talks about the Levites.

747
00:32:58.400 --> 00:32:58.880
Yes.

748
00:32:58.880 --> 00:33:00.640
And in the Bible book of Numbers,

749
00:33:00.640 --> 00:33:02.720
there's this part where you know the Israelites

750
00:33:02.720 --> 00:33:05.360
wandered around in the wilderness for 40 years

751
00:33:05.360 --> 00:33:07.440
waiting to inhabit the Promised Land, right?

752
00:33:07.440 --> 00:33:10.080
But they didn't get to because of their lack of faith.

753
00:33:10.080 --> 00:33:12.320
And then finally, at one point,

754
00:33:12.320 --> 00:33:15.120
they get to inhabit the Promised Land, right?

755
00:33:15.120 --> 00:33:18.160
So the land gets divided into different sections

756
00:33:18.160 --> 00:33:19.280
for each tribe.

757
00:33:20.160 --> 00:33:22.400
But then it's the turn of the Levites

758
00:33:22.400 --> 00:33:23.920
to like get their portion of land.

759
00:33:23.920 --> 00:33:25.600
So imagine, right, they step to the front

760
00:33:25.600 --> 00:33:29.280
like excited to hear which portion they get to inhabit

761
00:33:29.280 --> 00:33:30.560
and then God says to them,

762
00:33:31.440 --> 00:33:34.080
the Levites are not going to get a portion of land.

763
00:33:34.080 --> 00:33:35.600
Now imagine, right?

764
00:33:35.600 --> 00:33:37.200
You've been wandering for 40 years

765
00:33:37.200 --> 00:33:38.720
and you get nothing.

766
00:33:38.720 --> 00:33:41.680
And I think in a lot of areas of our lives,

767
00:33:41.680 --> 00:33:42.960
we can feel this way.

768
00:33:42.960 --> 00:33:44.240
There seems to be a hole.

769
00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:46.240
It seems like we did not get a portion

770
00:33:46.240 --> 00:33:48.880
when it comes to us growing up without a dad

771
00:33:48.880 --> 00:33:52.080
and seeing all of your friends have a father figure.

772
00:33:52.080 --> 00:33:55.840
It seems like you were left out, you were cut short

773
00:33:55.840 --> 00:33:57.520
or something else for me was that.

774
00:33:57.520 --> 00:33:59.040
I've never been in a relationship.

775
00:33:59.040 --> 00:34:00.000
I've never had a boyfriend.

776
00:34:00.160 --> 00:34:02.400
So I could see all these holes

777
00:34:02.400 --> 00:34:04.640
that other people had something in it.

778
00:34:04.640 --> 00:34:08.880
I did not, but what happens in this story

779
00:34:08.880 --> 00:34:11.600
is that God says you don't get a portion of land,

780
00:34:11.600 --> 00:34:13.920
but instead I'm your portion.

781
00:34:13.920 --> 00:34:18.480
And A.W. Tozer says in his book, with that phrase,

782
00:34:18.480 --> 00:34:22.800
God made the Levites richer than any other tribe

783
00:34:22.800 --> 00:34:25.640
of the Israelites because that area

784
00:34:25.640 --> 00:34:28.200
where you don't have a portion in the natural,

785
00:34:28.200 --> 00:34:31.640
you get to cling onto God so much more.

786
00:34:31.640 --> 00:34:34.440
And if hearing this, that God is your portion

787
00:34:34.440 --> 00:34:36.280
in your area of not having a dad

788
00:34:36.280 --> 00:34:38.680
or not having a partner, not having a mom,

789
00:34:38.680 --> 00:34:40.360
if that doesn't have weight for you,

790
00:34:40.360 --> 00:34:42.640
if you hear that and you're like, oh, whatever,

791
00:34:42.640 --> 00:34:44.600
then you don't know who God is.

792
00:34:44.600 --> 00:34:47.120
Because when you know that God is almighty God,

793
00:34:47.120 --> 00:34:50.680
he created the heavens, the earth, everything.

794
00:34:50.680 --> 00:34:52.840
And he gets to be your portion.

795
00:34:52.840 --> 00:34:54.640
He gets to be your dad.

796
00:34:54.640 --> 00:34:55.480
I want that.

797
00:34:55.480 --> 00:34:56.880
Literally, I want that.

798
00:34:56.880 --> 00:34:59.720
Then it's like, I'll take that portion, I'll be honored.

799
00:34:59.720 --> 00:35:03.000
But what we do is that we have God as our portion

800
00:35:03.000 --> 00:35:06.040
in these areas, but we keep looking

801
00:35:06.040 --> 00:35:07.960
at other people's plates and thinking,

802
00:35:07.960 --> 00:35:09.680
oh, but they have that, they have that.

803
00:35:09.680 --> 00:35:11.160
And the Lord is just sitting there like,

804
00:35:11.160 --> 00:35:12.760
if you would just come to me,

805
00:35:12.760 --> 00:35:14.160
if you would just lean on me,

806
00:35:14.160 --> 00:35:17.640
if you would just expect me to show up as your father,

807
00:35:17.640 --> 00:35:20.440
he will, he absolutely will.

808
00:35:20.440 --> 00:35:23.760
So yeah, it's just crazy that we've walked through

809
00:35:23.760 --> 00:35:27.320
that, like all of us, that we can relate to that.

810
00:35:27.320 --> 00:35:29.560
And I'm sure that many more women can,

811
00:35:29.560 --> 00:35:31.880
guys, if you're tuning in, like, it's not easy,

812
00:35:31.880 --> 00:35:34.520
but please know that God is your portion there.

813
00:35:34.520 --> 00:35:36.160
You can cling to him so much more

814
00:35:36.160 --> 00:35:39.520
than people might who have that in the natural,

815
00:35:39.520 --> 00:35:41.040
if that makes sense.

816
00:35:41.040 --> 00:35:42.280
It's really good, so yeah.

817
00:35:42.280 --> 00:35:44.440
And the thing is God has good things to be.

818
00:35:44.440 --> 00:35:47.320
Yeah, he is a good God.

819
00:35:47.320 --> 00:35:48.160
Yeah, he is.

820
00:35:48.160 --> 00:35:51.640
Time and time again, he is faithful to show up.

821
00:35:51.640 --> 00:35:53.720
When you feel like you're at your end,

822
00:35:53.720 --> 00:35:56.440
that's the beginning of what God's gonna stop moving.

823
00:35:56.440 --> 00:35:59.520
Like, it's like laying yourself down,

824
00:35:59.520 --> 00:36:02.800
being recognizing that you can't do this alone.

825
00:36:02.800 --> 00:36:03.640
Yeah.

826
00:36:03.640 --> 00:36:06.320
And saying, God, I need you.

827
00:36:06.320 --> 00:36:08.040
I need you.

828
00:36:08.040 --> 00:36:09.640
And he shows up.

829
00:36:09.640 --> 00:36:10.640
Absolutely.

830
00:36:10.640 --> 00:36:11.720
Yeah, he shows up.

831
00:36:11.720 --> 00:36:13.520
Like a quote that comes to mind

832
00:36:13.520 --> 00:36:16.560
that I clung to for a lot of time was,

833
00:36:17.560 --> 00:36:20.120
the best plans and outcome of your life

834
00:36:20.120 --> 00:36:22.640
that you can achieve in your own strength

835
00:36:22.640 --> 00:36:26.760
do not even come close to what God has for you

836
00:36:26.760 --> 00:36:29.000
when you let go and trust him.

837
00:36:29.000 --> 00:36:31.200
Like, it doesn't even come close.

838
00:36:31.200 --> 00:36:33.200
He has so much more for you.

839
00:36:33.200 --> 00:36:36.760
It says in Ephesians 3.20 that God is able to do

840
00:36:36.760 --> 00:36:39.720
above and beyond what we can ask, think or imagine.

841
00:36:39.720 --> 00:36:40.560
Crazy.

842
00:36:40.560 --> 00:36:43.360
Like, it doesn't, what God has doesn't even come to mind

843
00:36:43.360 --> 00:36:45.040
if we sit and overthink right now.

844
00:36:45.040 --> 00:36:47.320
Like, oh, in 10 years time, I'm gonna do this and this.

845
00:36:47.320 --> 00:36:49.320
What God has doesn't even come close to that.

846
00:36:49.320 --> 00:36:50.080
Right.

847
00:36:50.080 --> 00:36:52.480
And for you also, like, with your life,

848
00:36:52.480 --> 00:36:56.280
you left uni, you're thinking, okay, music is the plan.

849
00:36:56.280 --> 00:36:58.560
So now, if your university version of you

850
00:36:58.560 --> 00:37:00.160
could see what you're doing now,

851
00:37:00.160 --> 00:37:01.840
it doesn't come close.

852
00:37:01.840 --> 00:37:03.680
Like, first of all, how could I have done this

853
00:37:03.680 --> 00:37:04.520
in my own strength?

854
00:37:04.520 --> 00:37:06.480
Because there's no way I could have done this by myself.

855
00:37:06.480 --> 00:37:10.160
But also, like, this plan, I did not even think of this.

856
00:37:10.160 --> 00:37:12.640
Like, when you are uni, there's no way you would have thought,

857
00:37:12.640 --> 00:37:13.480
you know what I'm gonna do?

858
00:37:13.480 --> 00:37:15.680
I'm gonna become a faith-based contemporary art.

859
00:37:15.680 --> 00:37:17.120
You know what, I'm just gonna do,

860
00:37:17.120 --> 00:37:19.120
like that was not even a thought in your mind.

861
00:37:19.120 --> 00:37:20.720
So, like, how did you even,

862
00:37:20.720 --> 00:37:24.760
how did God even direct you from leaving uni,

863
00:37:24.760 --> 00:37:26.480
like putting your faith in him, trusting him,

864
00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:30.360
like, living for him and then to, like, get to where you are now?

865
00:37:30.360 --> 00:37:33.160
Because how does one even get that, you know what I mean?

866
00:37:33.160 --> 00:37:34.440
Like, how did God do that?

867
00:37:34.440 --> 00:37:35.280
Yeah.

868
00:37:35.280 --> 00:37:36.120
Good question.

869
00:37:36.120 --> 00:37:37.080
That's such a good one.

870
00:37:37.080 --> 00:37:39.320
Yeah, I definitely did not plan to do this.

871
00:37:39.320 --> 00:37:41.360
And I wouldn't, if you would have asked me,

872
00:37:41.360 --> 00:37:45.240
even five years ago, like, where are you gonna be in five years?

873
00:37:45.240 --> 00:37:47.160
I would have never said here, ever.

874
00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:52.480
It all started from that place where I hit rock bottom.

875
00:37:52.480 --> 00:37:55.120
The Lord kind of challenged me to give him my all.

876
00:37:55.120 --> 00:37:57.040
I did that, got a Bible.

877
00:37:57.040 --> 00:37:59.680
I went on a social media fast at that time.

878
00:37:59.680 --> 00:38:02.920
And it just became clear to me that, like, in terms of music,

879
00:38:02.920 --> 00:38:04.520
that was kind of my trajectory.

880
00:38:04.520 --> 00:38:06.400
I wanted to be a singer, I wanted to be a songwriter,

881
00:38:06.400 --> 00:38:07.600
which is not a bad thing.

882
00:38:07.600 --> 00:38:09.680
Like, that's a creative gift and talent

883
00:38:09.680 --> 00:38:12.240
that the Lord has placed on my heart that has given me.

884
00:38:12.240 --> 00:38:16.560
I enjoy doing that, but I saw that it wasn't I'd only my life,

885
00:38:16.560 --> 00:38:19.280
which means that I wanted that way more

886
00:38:19.280 --> 00:38:21.600
than I wanted a relationship with Jesus.

887
00:38:21.600 --> 00:38:24.200
And that's where there's an issue, right?

888
00:38:25.120 --> 00:38:30.120
So it was in that isolation period that music kind of,

889
00:38:31.600 --> 00:38:34.280
for the first time, I was able to let it go,

890
00:38:34.280 --> 00:38:38.080
because I saw it as it almost had me in a chokehold.

891
00:38:38.080 --> 00:38:40.880
Like, every decision I made in life was like,

892
00:38:40.880 --> 00:38:42.280
how do I get this music career?

893
00:38:42.280 --> 00:38:43.600
How do I meet the right people?

894
00:38:43.600 --> 00:38:45.320
How do I get in the room?

895
00:38:45.320 --> 00:38:46.600
How was controlled by it?

896
00:38:46.600 --> 00:38:47.880
I wasn't free.

897
00:38:47.880 --> 00:38:50.680
And we serve a God who's in the business of our freedom.

898
00:38:50.680 --> 00:38:54.280
So as soon as something controls us, the Lord is like,

899
00:38:54.280 --> 00:38:55.960
okay, we need to strip that down,

900
00:38:55.960 --> 00:38:58.160
not because God doesn't want you to have it,

901
00:38:58.160 --> 00:39:01.080
but he does not want you to be controlled by it.

902
00:39:01.080 --> 00:39:02.320
Yeah.

903
00:39:02.320 --> 00:39:07.320
So in that rock bottom place, in that isolation season,

904
00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:12.120
spending time with Jesus is just something else.

905
00:39:12.120 --> 00:39:14.560
Like just spending time in the presence of the Lord,

906
00:39:14.560 --> 00:39:16.560
everything else fades away.

907
00:39:16.560 --> 00:39:20.320
You experience a love that you've never experienced before.

908
00:39:20.320 --> 00:39:22.200
Things start to change.

909
00:39:22.200 --> 00:39:25.960
It's so hard to explain, but again, Matthew 6 verse 33,

910
00:39:25.960 --> 00:39:28.680
like just focus on the Lord.

911
00:39:28.680 --> 00:39:32.200
And from that place, opening the Bible,

912
00:39:32.200 --> 00:39:33.680
starting to read the word again,

913
00:39:33.680 --> 00:39:35.640
you know, I'd heard all these Bible stories

914
00:39:35.640 --> 00:39:38.800
in like Sunday school and I'd read the Bible every now and again,

915
00:39:38.800 --> 00:39:41.600
but I just read it through such a different lens,

916
00:39:41.600 --> 00:39:43.240
like it all came to life.

917
00:39:43.240 --> 00:39:44.880
And I was like, this book is not boring.

918
00:39:44.880 --> 00:39:46.960
Like for the longest time, I didn't want to read the Bible

919
00:39:46.960 --> 00:39:48.400
because I was like, oh, this is so boring.

920
00:39:48.400 --> 00:39:50.600
When you read through it, where is it boring?

921
00:39:50.600 --> 00:39:52.920
There's like, mad stories happening here.

922
00:39:52.920 --> 00:39:54.960
Like crazy things.

923
00:39:54.960 --> 00:39:59.440
So it came to life to me so much that I was like,

924
00:39:59.440 --> 00:40:01.520
I need other people to know this

925
00:40:01.520 --> 00:40:04.800
because I knew so many people who were in the same situation

926
00:40:04.800 --> 00:40:09.240
as me just like endlessly scrolling on social media

927
00:40:09.240 --> 00:40:12.560
and living this like lukewarm Christian life,

928
00:40:12.560 --> 00:40:17.160
which withholds you from experiencing the fullness

929
00:40:17.160 --> 00:40:19.080
that God wants you to experience.

930
00:40:19.080 --> 00:40:21.160
So in a way, we're just setting ourselves up

931
00:40:21.160 --> 00:40:24.560
when we live a lukewarm life, right?

932
00:40:24.560 --> 00:40:28.640
So I was, I think my cup was overflowing so much

933
00:40:28.640 --> 00:40:30.560
from spending time with Jesus that I was like,

934
00:40:30.560 --> 00:40:32.120
I need other people to know this.

935
00:40:32.120 --> 00:40:34.560
I need other people to hear scripture.

936
00:40:34.560 --> 00:40:39.680
And my thought process was if people don't want to open the Bible,

937
00:40:39.680 --> 00:40:42.600
I will go onto social media and give the Bible to them.

938
00:40:42.600 --> 00:40:44.840
Like, I'll start reading Bible's scripture as well.

939
00:40:44.840 --> 00:40:46.840
So I went on to TikTok literally

940
00:40:46.840 --> 00:40:48.680
and I just like opened the Bible and I was like,

941
00:40:48.680 --> 00:40:50.360
guys, today I read this Bible first.

942
00:40:50.360 --> 00:40:52.760
Like when I look back on it, it was so simple

943
00:40:52.760 --> 00:40:57.760
and so like a little cringe, but somehow God worked with it

944
00:40:57.760 --> 00:41:01.200
and I never had this thought of like,

945
00:41:01.200 --> 00:41:03.000
it wasn't this crazy revelation of like,

946
00:41:03.000 --> 00:41:05.760
to go on social media and like, I'm gonna use you to,

947
00:41:05.760 --> 00:41:07.120
it was none of that.

948
00:41:07.120 --> 00:41:09.880
It was just from the overflow of spending time with God

949
00:41:09.880 --> 00:41:12.520
that I was like, I just want to share this right now.

950
00:41:12.520 --> 00:41:13.960
I can't keep this to myself.

951
00:41:13.960 --> 00:41:16.840
I want other people to experience what I've experienced.

952
00:41:16.840 --> 00:41:19.640
A shift, there's so much more for us.

953
00:41:19.640 --> 00:41:22.560
So from that, I just went, yeah,

954
00:41:22.560 --> 00:41:24.480
I just shared the word on TikTok

955
00:41:24.480 --> 00:41:27.240
and then slowly but surely people were asking

956
00:41:27.240 --> 00:41:28.680
for longer form content.

957
00:41:28.680 --> 00:41:32.120
Like, oh, can you talk about this for like 10 minutes?

958
00:41:32.120 --> 00:41:36.280
And I remember that I was thinking,

959
00:41:36.280 --> 00:41:38.640
oh, I don't think I'll be able to talk

960
00:41:38.640 --> 00:41:39.760
about these things for longer.

961
00:41:39.760 --> 00:41:41.040
Like, you know, on TikTok back then,

962
00:41:41.040 --> 00:41:43.560
you could only do three minute videos.

963
00:41:43.560 --> 00:41:45.080
I was like, no, three minutes is enough.

964
00:41:45.080 --> 00:41:47.280
Like, who am I to speak into these things longer?

965
00:41:47.280 --> 00:41:50.000
And I do think that was maybe some spiritual warfare

966
00:41:50.000 --> 00:41:53.480
from the enemy to keep me from doing this on YouTube

967
00:41:53.480 --> 00:41:56.800
because now YouTube has way overtaken

968
00:41:56.800 --> 00:41:59.840
the amount of people that are tuned into my TikTok account.

969
00:41:59.880 --> 00:42:02.240
So like, YouTube is now the biggest platform

970
00:42:02.240 --> 00:42:03.800
that I get to steward.

971
00:42:03.800 --> 00:42:05.960
And just looking at how it grew,

972
00:42:05.960 --> 00:42:08.760
I literally can't take credit.

973
00:42:08.760 --> 00:42:10.320
I don't know how it happened.

974
00:42:10.320 --> 00:42:13.320
It all just stemmed from, I want to share

975
00:42:13.320 --> 00:42:15.600
what God has done in my life with other people.

976
00:42:15.600 --> 00:42:17.320
I need more people to open their word.

977
00:42:17.320 --> 00:42:19.520
Like, get into the Bible, just spend time with Jesus.

978
00:42:19.520 --> 00:42:20.920
There's nothing like it.

979
00:42:20.920 --> 00:42:24.000
And there's this song, I think it's by Maverick City.

980
00:42:24.000 --> 00:42:25.920
There's a line in it that says,

981
00:42:25.920 --> 00:42:30.400
what's every other option when I know the sweeter sound?

982
00:42:30.400 --> 00:42:33.240
When you spend time in the quiet place

983
00:42:33.240 --> 00:42:36.000
and you just experience what it's like to be with Jesus,

984
00:42:36.000 --> 00:42:38.840
everything else becomes so like, man.

985
00:42:38.840 --> 00:42:41.360
Like, of course, life, we get to enjoy this life,

986
00:42:41.360 --> 00:42:43.440
but there's nothing like it.

987
00:42:43.440 --> 00:42:45.160
So I just wanted other people to know that.

988
00:42:45.160 --> 00:42:48.880
And also, like we kind of mentioned at the beginning,

989
00:42:48.880 --> 00:42:52.000
I wanted people to know that they, but they're not alone

990
00:42:52.000 --> 00:42:54.120
because I felt alone for so long.

991
00:42:54.120 --> 00:42:57.760
And I felt like I was never going to reach anything

992
00:42:57.760 --> 00:42:59.560
because I got bullied and I didn't have a dad

993
00:42:59.560 --> 00:43:01.000
and I've never been in a relationship.

994
00:43:01.000 --> 00:43:02.360
I felt like there was something wrong

995
00:43:02.360 --> 00:43:04.600
with me in so many different areas.

996
00:43:04.600 --> 00:43:08.520
I just wanted people to know, like, look, I've gone through that.

997
00:43:08.520 --> 00:43:11.240
And I've now found this joy in Christ.

998
00:43:11.240 --> 00:43:14.760
And also, all of the parts of my testimony

999
00:43:14.760 --> 00:43:18.440
that I tried to pray away when I was younger,

1000
00:43:19.480 --> 00:43:21.080
the things I just mentioned,

1001
00:43:21.080 --> 00:43:24.320
I can now see how those are like strong points

1002
00:43:24.320 --> 00:43:26.600
in my testimony, those are actually the points

1003
00:43:26.600 --> 00:43:29.480
that have kind of launched me forward.

1004
00:43:29.480 --> 00:43:33.360
So that's how it all started on social media.

1005
00:43:33.360 --> 00:43:34.680
Wow.

1006
00:43:34.680 --> 00:43:36.200
Wow.

1007
00:43:36.200 --> 00:43:40.240
God is just so obviously easy.

1008
00:43:41.440 --> 00:43:43.560
And I actually really love like,

1009
00:43:43.560 --> 00:43:46.760
you're like Faith Talk series that you do on YouTube

1010
00:43:46.760 --> 00:43:47.720
every Sunday.

1011
00:43:47.720 --> 00:43:52.040
It's so cool to just see like somebody just unpacking

1012
00:43:52.040 --> 00:43:54.120
like what God is doing in them

1013
00:43:54.120 --> 00:43:56.960
and like how they read through like the lens of scripture.

1014
00:43:56.960 --> 00:43:59.560
But it also like almost gives people permission

1015
00:43:59.560 --> 00:44:01.000
to do the same.

1016
00:44:01.000 --> 00:44:04.040
You know, I think what we do on social media,

1017
00:44:04.040 --> 00:44:06.200
it's so powerful in so many different ways

1018
00:44:06.200 --> 00:44:08.240
but it gives people permission.

1019
00:44:08.240 --> 00:44:10.880
And I think when you see somebody else doing it,

1020
00:44:10.880 --> 00:44:12.720
I don't know, it gives you that inspiration

1021
00:44:12.720 --> 00:44:13.760
to try it yourself.

1022
00:44:13.760 --> 00:44:17.080
Like, oh, maybe I could buy a Bible and like read it.

1023
00:44:17.080 --> 00:44:21.040
Like maybe I could go to church and like make friends

1024
00:44:21.040 --> 00:44:24.120
with other people, like maybe I could do that.

1025
00:44:24.120 --> 00:44:26.520
I think there's so much power in sharing your story

1026
00:44:26.520 --> 00:44:28.360
and showing what God is doing with you online

1027
00:44:28.360 --> 00:44:30.680
because you just don't know who's watching

1028
00:44:30.680 --> 00:44:34.120
and who needs it and over time and time.

1029
00:44:34.120 --> 00:44:36.120
Like, I'm sure you've had so many testimonies

1030
00:44:36.120 --> 00:44:38.400
of people being like, hey, I watched your video

1031
00:44:38.400 --> 00:44:41.640
and like I encountered God or like I watched your video now.

1032
00:44:41.640 --> 00:44:44.120
I'm in church and it's like one honor to be used

1033
00:44:44.120 --> 00:44:45.640
by God to like help people.

1034
00:44:45.640 --> 00:44:46.960
Yeah.

1035
00:44:47.000 --> 00:44:48.360
Yeah, that's just incredible.

1036
00:44:48.360 --> 00:44:50.400
I love that that's what God's doing in you.

1037
00:44:50.400 --> 00:44:51.240
It's crazy.

1038
00:44:51.240 --> 00:44:52.080
It's crazy.

1039
00:44:52.080 --> 00:44:54.520
It's so surreal when you say it that way,

1040
00:44:54.520 --> 00:44:57.640
like we get to be instruments used by God,

1041
00:44:57.640 --> 00:44:58.640
like vessels, right?

1042
00:44:58.640 --> 00:45:01.600
I kind of see it as more of a pipeline,

1043
00:45:01.600 --> 00:45:04.440
like because we get to experience the joy

1044
00:45:04.440 --> 00:45:07.040
and the overflow of like doing something

1045
00:45:07.040 --> 00:45:08.840
that's bigger than ourselves.

1046
00:45:08.840 --> 00:45:11.200
It's also to bless other people.

1047
00:45:11.200 --> 00:45:14.840
And I just constantly think about like how do you actually

1048
00:45:14.840 --> 00:45:15.720
get started?

1049
00:45:15.720 --> 00:45:19.000
How do you, like I'm scared to put myself out there?

1050
00:45:19.000 --> 00:45:22.960
And I think us not doing what God has placed

1051
00:45:22.960 --> 00:45:26.440
on our hearts to do is also withholding other people

1052
00:45:26.440 --> 00:45:27.440
from being blessed.

1053
00:45:27.440 --> 00:45:30.000
Like I just think what if we never started

1054
00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:32.600
than all of the testimonies that we get to hear now

1055
00:45:32.600 --> 00:45:35.720
of people feeling seen and like being encouraged?

1056
00:45:35.720 --> 00:45:37.520
They would have not been here.

1057
00:45:37.520 --> 00:45:39.880
It's like what Mordecai says to Esther

1058
00:45:39.880 --> 00:45:42.920
and Esther 4 verse 14, perhaps you've been called

1059
00:45:42.920 --> 00:45:44.600
for such a time as this.

1060
00:45:44.600 --> 00:45:46.200
And then before that he says,

1061
00:45:46.200 --> 00:45:49.000
if you don't want to step up and do this thing,

1062
00:45:49.000 --> 00:45:50.800
God will use someone else, right?

1063
00:45:50.800 --> 00:45:52.680
He will still deliver the Jews.

1064
00:45:52.680 --> 00:45:54.640
He will still do what he has to do.

1065
00:45:54.640 --> 00:45:57.520
But what a, like it's just so sad

1066
00:45:57.520 --> 00:46:00.840
if we missed out on everything that we get to be a part of

1067
00:46:00.840 --> 00:46:03.120
because we let fear get the best of us.

1068
00:46:03.120 --> 00:46:05.560
So I guess that's just to encourage someone

1069
00:46:05.560 --> 00:46:08.400
who is looking to start and maybe you're scared.

1070
00:46:08.400 --> 00:46:10.840
Like fear is not from the Lord.

1071
00:46:10.840 --> 00:46:12.720
You've not been given a spirit of fear

1072
00:46:12.720 --> 00:46:16.160
and there's so much attached to you being obedient

1073
00:46:16.160 --> 00:46:18.600
to what God has placed within you.

1074
00:46:18.600 --> 00:46:20.280
It's not just for you.

1075
00:46:20.280 --> 00:46:23.640
Yeah, perfect love drives out all fear, the men.

1076
00:46:23.640 --> 00:46:26.680
And you know, our stories aren't actually just

1077
00:46:26.680 --> 00:46:31.120
for our greater good, but it's also for other people

1078
00:46:31.120 --> 00:46:34.560
like you're saying, you know, there's people

1079
00:46:34.560 --> 00:46:36.640
on the opposite end of our obedience saying,

1080
00:46:36.640 --> 00:46:39.320
yes, okay, I'm gonna like be bold and courageous

1081
00:46:39.320 --> 00:46:41.520
and step into what I feel like.

1082
00:46:41.520 --> 00:46:43.360
God's really pressed on my heart.

1083
00:46:43.360 --> 00:46:45.440
Maybe just like giving it a shot, you know,

1084
00:46:45.440 --> 00:46:47.240
you're losing out on nothing at all,

1085
00:46:47.240 --> 00:46:50.280
except an experience and trying things and learning

1086
00:46:50.280 --> 00:46:52.840
and growing and that's what life is all about.

1087
00:46:52.840 --> 00:46:53.680
Amen.

1088
00:46:53.680 --> 00:46:56.600
And there's no like linear, this is how you should do.

1089
00:46:56.600 --> 00:46:58.360
This is what you should do.

1090
00:46:58.360 --> 00:47:00.640
But like it's just like a journey with the Lord

1091
00:47:00.640 --> 00:47:03.640
and it's an adventure and it's a privilege to be able to like

1092
00:47:03.640 --> 00:47:07.240
have such a good God and want to lead us and guide us

1093
00:47:07.240 --> 00:47:11.360
through a wonderful journey of figuring ourselves out

1094
00:47:11.360 --> 00:47:13.680
and learning who we are and getting to bless

1095
00:47:13.680 --> 00:47:17.080
and love others on the way, you know, that's it.

1096
00:47:17.080 --> 00:47:19.640
And I also think like comparison's such a big thing.

1097
00:47:19.640 --> 00:47:23.120
Like let's not like social media is a constant comparison

1098
00:47:23.120 --> 00:47:25.080
real like you see this person doing it,

1099
00:47:25.080 --> 00:47:26.520
this person doing it, this person testimony,

1100
00:47:26.520 --> 00:47:28.600
that person testimony, this person's content,

1101
00:47:28.600 --> 00:47:30.840
that person's content, this ministry, that ministry,

1102
00:47:30.840 --> 00:47:33.440
you're like, I'm not doing any of that.

1103
00:47:33.440 --> 00:47:35.440
But my testimony doesn't sound like that.

1104
00:47:35.440 --> 00:47:37.120
My testimony sounds so boring.

1105
00:47:37.120 --> 00:47:38.600
Why would you ever want me to talk?

1106
00:47:38.600 --> 00:47:39.560
Why would you want to use me?

1107
00:47:39.560 --> 00:47:44.320
And I think sometimes we can disqualify ourselves

1108
00:47:44.320 --> 00:47:46.880
from being used by God because we think God

1109
00:47:46.880 --> 00:47:48.880
has to use a certain type of person

1110
00:47:48.880 --> 00:47:52.240
or only a certain type of story is going to connect to people.

1111
00:47:52.240 --> 00:47:54.240
We all have a testimony.

1112
00:47:54.240 --> 00:47:56.800
We all started from somewhere and God picked us up

1113
00:47:56.800 --> 00:47:58.120
and took us somewhere else.

1114
00:47:58.120 --> 00:48:02.680
No testimony is more undervalued than another testimony.

1115
00:48:02.680 --> 00:48:05.040
Difference is actually so powerful.

1116
00:48:05.040 --> 00:48:07.320
Because all our testimonies are different.

1117
00:48:07.320 --> 00:48:10.680
Hey, wow, God uses different people in different ways

1118
00:48:10.680 --> 00:48:12.200
to connect with different people

1119
00:48:12.200 --> 00:48:14.120
to bring the gospel to their context.

1120
00:48:14.120 --> 00:48:16.480
And so maybe your testimony doesn't look like

1121
00:48:16.480 --> 00:48:19.120
this next person or that next person, but that's good.

1122
00:48:19.120 --> 00:48:20.880
Because God wants to use you in a way

1123
00:48:20.880 --> 00:48:22.720
that he's not using other people.

1124
00:48:22.720 --> 00:48:26.400
And so like 100% echo everything you guys have said,

1125
00:48:26.400 --> 00:48:30.000
but just to encourage, don't compare yourself to other people.

1126
00:48:30.000 --> 00:48:32.360
And in sharing your story, just share what God

1127
00:48:32.360 --> 00:48:33.320
has done in your life.

1128
00:48:33.320 --> 00:48:34.960
Share it with authenticity.

1129
00:48:34.960 --> 00:48:37.960
Share it with a bold vulnerability, but just share it.

1130
00:48:37.960 --> 00:48:40.960
Because you just don't know who God's going to reach.

1131
00:48:40.960 --> 00:48:43.400
Who God's going to use you to reach out to you.

1132
00:48:43.400 --> 00:48:45.440
And I think that's so evident with you

1133
00:48:45.440 --> 00:48:49.200
and the ministry that God is building through you to borrow us.

1134
00:48:49.200 --> 00:48:50.640
So thank you.

1135
00:48:50.640 --> 00:48:52.280
Thank you for sharing your story with us.

1136
00:48:52.280 --> 00:48:53.280
Yes, thank you.

1137
00:48:53.280 --> 00:48:57.080
And thank you for just giving God your yes.

1138
00:48:57.080 --> 00:48:59.680
Your yes, like Michelle was saying, but your yes has power.

1139
00:48:59.680 --> 00:49:01.280
And it's been helping so many people.

1140
00:49:01.280 --> 00:49:02.280
So thank you.

1141
00:49:02.280 --> 00:49:03.720
Thank you for having me, guys.

1142
00:49:03.720 --> 00:49:05.560
It wasn't blessing to speak to you, girls.

1143
00:49:05.560 --> 00:49:06.400
It was for you.

1144
00:49:06.400 --> 00:49:08.600
And it was like a little key key.

1145
00:49:08.600 --> 00:49:09.640
They loved it.

1146
00:49:09.640 --> 00:49:12.280
And thank you guys for watching and listening

1147
00:49:12.280 --> 00:49:13.640
to this conversation.

1148
00:49:13.640 --> 00:49:14.960
Maybe there was something that was said

1149
00:49:14.960 --> 00:49:16.080
that like really struck with you.

1150
00:49:16.080 --> 00:49:18.160
We would love to hear your thoughts.

1151
00:49:18.160 --> 00:49:19.520
So give us a little comment.

1152
00:49:19.520 --> 00:49:22.160
However, you're listening to this podcast.

1153
00:49:22.160 --> 00:49:22.960
And we'd love to hear.

1154
00:49:22.960 --> 00:49:25.600
But guys, we will be back with more episodes of the way.

1155
00:49:25.600 --> 00:49:28.360
More podcasts, more testimonies, more Bible studies

1156
00:49:28.360 --> 00:49:29.160
coming your way.

1157
00:49:29.160 --> 00:49:30.880
So subscribe, keep up to date.

1158
00:49:30.880 --> 00:49:32.680
And we will see you in the next video.

1159
00:49:32.680 --> 00:49:33.480
Bye guys.

1160
00:49:33.480 --> 00:49:34.320
Yeah.