WEBVTT

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Hey guys, welcome back to another way podcast. I'm Michelle and I'm joined by the wonderful

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Today's video is going to be a little bit different. We had a few of you guys

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But I'm put through some questions

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Actually through our broadcast channel on our Instagram channel

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So if you don't already

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Follow that do go over there and make sure you get some exclusive BTS's from us

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Um, but basically we went through and selected a few of the questions that you guys sent through and we're gonna be getting a

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Girls slash guys perspective. So you've got Izzy and I

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We're ripping the girls. We're wrapping the girls

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My name is Jesse. I'm joined on the couch. The wonderful sound miles. Yeah, hello sound miles

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Yeah, and the reason we're here today is because we're both

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Men men. That's what we are. We're men. We are men

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I'm a little nervous. I don't know what the girls have said. I don't know. It's been like

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It's so crazy. He's nervous right now. Do you know what I mean?

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Um, okay first question. I'm so ready

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As a Christian how intimate can one be in a romantic relationship before falling into sin

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boss

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Many let's get into it. I think this is a question that people

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The intention behind it is normally how much can I get away with before I fall into sin?

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Which I think is the wrong mind. AKA sex

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Yes

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Like I think people like can I do

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Hand stuff can I do mouth stuff can I do all this stuff up to sex yeah and be okay with it

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But I think that's the wrong mentality. I think it should be well

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There's a few different ways of it actually, but it should be how much for me is how much can I honor god in my relationship?

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Yeah, totally and so for me that's what I will work out my limit

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I also think that if you've had

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Um, like a sexual past. I also think it's it's different

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Because like if you're a virgin

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Then

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This is this is not a certain zone role

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But if you're a virgin in theory you could be less likely to to have sex before marriage because you haven't had it before

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And you haven't tasted it you haven't even tasted it um, but then if you have gone into that before then actually

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From my understanding of of people and my friends and the conversation I've had it's easier to slip into that yeah

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Um, and so this conversation of like boundaries is actually

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How do you protect yourself from going that far and also you're protecting the other person to you?

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Absolutely, but I think it's like if if your boundary

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Is everything but sex and then you slip partial boundary is like oh now we've done that yeah

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If your boundary is just kissing and you slip past that and do some hand stuff

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It's like oh, we went past that boundary that we wanted to put in place

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um

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But you haven't slept with each other, so it's less

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Because sex is meant to be for marriage. That is the intention around it. Yeah, um, and so I would

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And boundaries don't feel fun. I want to just say that. I think we can say it so easily

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I'd be like let's put these boundaries in place. They don't feel fun. It's because we want to on a god

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We want to honor each other and I think it's important to know your why like why

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Why are we not doing stuff totally is it just to honor your future spouse right that's not good enough

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Yeah, actually we're doing it because we're honoring God. Yeah, and it is what he has said is what he has put in place as our best

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How to best live our life and the rules that he has given us and so I think for me to be honest

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I think I've become more more strict as my time has gone on in relationships

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Right. Yeah, we're actually now. I'll be really quite tight with my boundaries of being like no. I don't do anything

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I don't know anything. Yeah, um, I was still kiss, but I think I'd be a lot like little smooge

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That's me age

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But I think I'd be a lot tighter because actually it's like I want to I want to be the most

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Holy as I can so like God can dwell in me and use me. Yeah, and he has said that sex is for marriage

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And how can I best honor him and follow his ways? Yeah, would be my response

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Well, the thing is it's like why are you even thinking about like how far can I go until like

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Why are you even I know I know it is natural, but also like

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You want to be able to protect yourself but and the other person and let's say like

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You get into a relationship. You're dating that person for a while and then you guys figure like realize that

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Oh, no, maybe we were that not meant to be together. Maybe we don't work

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Yeah, you know, and then you break up. I think you're making your life a little bit harder

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by

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Crossing those boundaries

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To like I don't know like being friends again can feel like really hard and jarring to do

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Happy people don't happy people do it. You know

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Especially like let's say you do the hand stuff and you do all the other stuff and you've crossed those boundaries

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You just make it even harder for yourself

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I was having a conversation with a friend a couple days ago and they were saying like yeah, we only kiss

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And that actually felt really good when we broke up like it was easy for us to just go back to being friends

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Because we know that we protected each other. Yeah, like physically if that makes sense

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Well, it's that connection isn't it? And I think it's

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I think it's a lot more powerful than people let on or realize

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I also think for working out relationships

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Taking the physical stuff out can bring a lot more clarity. Yeah, because I'm like

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I'll phrase a slightly differently. I was going to if I had two hours free

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To spend time with my partner. Yeah

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Do I would I rather than pick two hours to have a conversation with me and chat to me and get to know me more or two hours to like

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hanky-panky about

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Exactly that

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Exactly that's so better than what I was going to do

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So I'm like well, I mean it is different for everyone and I think it's it's not we're saying this very like again bluntly and

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quickly in it's it's a bigger topic than that

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But I think it's sex is really powerful. Yeah, the physical stuff leading up to that is still really powerful

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And I think that it's yeah, it's not about how far can we get until it's in

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It's like how how far can we go to honor each other and mostly honor God and his ways. That's so good is

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Once you get into the depth of like how far is too far and where's the line?

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I think whatever you do

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You're going to find trouble with it because each time you're pushing that line and eventually you're going to find where you decide the line is

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I think the questions more about

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How far can you be trying to push the other way if you're trying to do the full pursuit full

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Honoring Christ honoring them honoring the relationship and the future of the relationship

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It's about pushing as far the other way as you can of being like not

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Is this okay, but that isn't but it's more to the line of

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There's no like we're so comfortable all the way at this end

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Um trying your best to push the other side of the scale

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Hmm. Yeah, what do you think?

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Yeah, I

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Used to be really strict with myself. I used to be like you can't even hold hands

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Yeah, even kiss a girl and talk marriage

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And there's like a purity in that and there's a desire to honor God and I think now that you can desire to honor God and you should honor God

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For me, that's changed a little bit now. I'd probably say

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For me kissing is okay in a relationship. It's actually a beautiful way that you can show that you love someone

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Yeah, they'll make out every now and then getting a little tongue-tied. It's all right for me

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Kind of love it Loki, but but

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but like

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But that's with commitment. Yeah

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That's a commitment as you grow in commitment. Yes, intimacy. Yeah, that's matched

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but for me like

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You know, there's lots of other boundaries that that aren't cool like yeah, see the Bible has a standard and talks about sexual immorality

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For me, I'm not going to go into

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You know hand stuff touching or like whatever that looks like

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Or math stuff or whatever and clothes are on all times people

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Come on dry-humping. No keep the lights on. It's not my portion. Do you know? I mean

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Well, the lights must be aligned down a little bit. No, no dimness. They're like be careful on a high surface

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Be careful with the sofas come on now because you can you can have a pure heart and be like really

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Wanting to honor God, but still

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A moment can happen and you can do that. It does have fun

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And I also think it's like you got to remember the when those things do happen

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like

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The devil loves using shame in that point and being like oh

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This is the worst thing you ruined it yada yada yada

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And yeah, turn away from what you did, but don't release the shame off it immediately

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That's a whole new thing. It's not a bad thing to be sexually attracted to your partner

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We were designed perfect. If you have sexual desire to partner. Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, that's lit

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How you're designed to be yeah, but it's about strewding that in a way

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This is what I don't know God and towards your conviction. Yeah, and having fun with it

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But also like being aware of it. That's where brothers and accountability comes in hugely

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I chat to my friends about it all the time. I'm just like okay. How was that? How was this? Is it too far? Is it too low?

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All that kind of thing

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Too low. I know I said too low. Yeah, it's too low. What do you mean by that? I don't know discuss that

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Let's move on to the next question. Shall we sound do you connect more with God?

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Through music, scripture, nature. What's the way you encounter God?

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Music music. Yeah, same as she worship and also like

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You know like ambient the kind of like pad that people play in the back of like worship a William Augusta

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Bang

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niche a thousand hours of smoking in his presence smoking in his presence back to the first question smoking in his presence

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Um, no that like that kind of that kind of music and then maybe a little bit of scripture just sprinkle on the top there

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Yeah, reading with someone on the background is bang. Yeah, it's very cool. I'm similar. I love it all

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I love a bit of music combined with scripture combined with nature. Yeah, but all three together and you've got to win

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All three for me. I think it depends on each season

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I'm walking through with the Lord sometimes worship music some worship music can just hit my soul

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Yeah, and speak to my heart

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scripture is pretty consistent like every time I read it, God really does speak to me through it nature

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Man watching the wind blow through trees leaves just does something to me. I think for me

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I'm gonna pick one. I think it is all of them, but I'm gonna pick nature. I nature because

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I think that's the one that catches me off guard when I'm like not expecting it where I think I know I'm listening to worship music

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I know I'm a Bible. I know and I'm praying

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When I'm out in the world in his nature, I'm like damn my God did that. I was surrounded by his beauty. Yes

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Okay, next question. Okay. What are your biggest put-offs in Christian guys?

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Red flags essentially

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Come on, I need a moment to think about one. Have you got have you got one of the top of known?

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Christianies

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Really, yeah, you're fluent in Christianies. Yeah, I know and you're put off by it. Yeah

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You hit a grip. No, it was sentry. I think

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Two intense

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You just don't hit me like that. That's you through through you can't you can't be a treasure. Hey, how's your faith?

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No, I don't this you do you're my son. How's your heart?

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Absolutely this is why this is why I put you off but I just I don't like myself. You're a house. You're also you're such a

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You're protecting your heart this week. No, I'm not

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No, no, no, uh, Christianies

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Yeah, okay, I mean, I'm not letting you buy that because you speak Christianies all the time

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But but that's maybe maybe that's why it's put off. Yeah, I want someone to draw me away from that. Yeah fine. Yeah

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um

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I

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Like decisiveness like the people that can't make a decision or like kind of

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Hmm aren't securing themselves enough that they can just go wherever anyone else goes

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I like people look like know who they are. Yes. She's where they want to go

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Oh, no, I want to eat five guys. I don't need McDonald's on both of them. Yeah. Yeah, great

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Make the choice a large step from five guys to McDonald's, but huge and I think that's maybe real edge of mine is I

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I

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Think something it puts me off sometimes a Christian room especially because I feel like Christian women have a certain

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Mirage of relationships because it's because like the quick engagements everything that I can think I think

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people who

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are searching for a relationship

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like

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Like I want to date someone who is very happy not dating

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Do you know what I mean like who's very happily independent doing their thing doing all that

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Um, and then I'm a fantastic add-on. We're both independent and complement each other

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But I think sometimes there's put me off in the past as people are like

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I really really want a relationship. I think wanting relationships amazing. I think that's great

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but I think sometimes I've experienced

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Like that going overboard

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Yeah, it's basically like someone longing for co-dependency. Mm-hmm like that's put off for me

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I've got another one. Talk to me. Sorry. Sorry

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Trying to be influencer

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Just checking the till here. Um, don't hit back at me. Sorry. Sorry back at me. No, no, you can't try being influenced

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No, I know it just falls upon you with your hair

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But like they're like try yeah, but they're kind of like trying to show off. Yeah. Yeah. I'm I'm the yeah

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I'm the stuff. I actually hear that. Yeah, like look at me. Yeah. Yeah

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That's fair. Don't look at you. I feel like I put up for me would probably be somebody

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Um, that hasn't like intentionally put some like time towards doing the hard work

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Does that make sense? Yeah

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I don't know if that's like you know that off the bat though. Yeah, sure

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I feel like I don't like liars. I want integrity

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I also don't like people that use super deep and Christian jargon

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I want to be able to have someone that can speak to non-Christians and my friends and I have

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Social interaction ability. That's so real. So maybe that

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Not to christianies. Not to christian. No, that's not true. Very Christian

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but

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Has social skills. Yeah. Um, should guys slash girls post pitches of themselves in swimwear

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Thoughts give me your thoughts

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You go first ask the question. Oh my gosh. Okay, well my thoughts are

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Something is just don't need to be online. Uh-huh

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And I personally think

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girls

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shouldn't

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Okay, if that makes sense. Yeah

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But I think it depends on like what are your intentions? Are you doing it for the likes of validation that the comments from people

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you know

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What are you doing it for? Yeah, and I think like it would be a good like before posting or before you know

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clicking that post but and like actually asking is I like why am I actually doing this?

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Do I really need to also? Yeah, you know, some things don't need to be online

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Yeah, that's my thoughts

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Well, I think it's like

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Is it a first trap or is it or even if you're feeling yourself and you feel like you look really great

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But it's like well sent to your mom

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Um, yeah for a reason too much I grew up on the beach

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So there was definitely pictures of me in swimming stuff on my Instagram

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But the context of it is I'm on the beach. I'm with friends is definitely not like a sexy thing

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Yeah, I think it's the context of it as well

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Like if you're on the beach you're having a good time with friends and you happen to be in a bikini. I'm like

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For me, I'm not sure if you're like that's where we both like that's where we both sort of disagree

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Yeah, because I'm like we disagree on that one. I would be like no

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You know, I'm like it's chill

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But then I also know for me are like I'm not very curvy person. So me and the bikini is not that like

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Well because I know

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But still people you don't know what you don't know what people are thinking. Yeah, I've seen many photos of you in swimwear

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Okay, you hit me if you don't do it earlier. I

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If I am take if someone takes like film camera photo me or someone holiday and I'm in a pool and I repost it on my story

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I don't think I'm going to help every time you happen to be tensing

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That's not the case. I see the app. I've just worked hard

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I

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Worked hard for what I've got we

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For context me and Sam had a little conversation about yeah questions before yeah, we're like oh like

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Sam I've seen you shirtless and he's like no you can never find you weren't even be able to find any photos of me shirtless online

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Yeah, took me and Tom the other producer literally a minute

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So what is that how does that feed on Instagram for like 45 seconds? How does that feed you thought do you think you can to think you can't?

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Uh, I think it's the what is the tone of which you do it if you want to if you're on a hot family holiday and

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There's a photo of you on a beach

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I actually I think it's about the tone of which you said it

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I think everyone can look at a photo until is this a thirst trap or

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Is there someone who's in a scenario where the shirt's off?

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If you're in a if you're a person that has worked really hard for a really good rig

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I honestly think fair enough that you're doing it if it's your if you're if you're a pt

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Like that's your livelihood crack on um, I don't inherently think it's bad

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And I've like one of like the mentoring people in my life is a pt

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Um, and he always post little videos of him on his story like doing physical things

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There was one where he was climbing up a rope whilst doing an else it which is ridiculous and his shows off

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I think anything of it. Yeah, I thought it was fine. What about you?

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Yeah, I think I personally won't follow loads of girls that all they've posted is bikini pics

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Just for my own like protection

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Girls and boys is actually key to mention. Yeah, but like

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But I do think it's so contextual and I think what you just said was really good like you can tell if they're just

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At the beach with friends and they're posting it because they're in a context with friends

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Yeah, or if they're trying like show off the bar. Yeah, in like a there's a kind of sexual desirable way

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Um, so I don't I personally then

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Like follow many girls who live on beaches and post thousands of bikini pics

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But also I think it's okay like context-wise like if you grew up in Florida

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And you grew up just living basically in a bikini. Yeah, it's a bit different to the UK

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Where we're not used to seeing bikinis in the supermarket

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Yeah, like you know, so I kind of it to me as well that context what is one thing you wish the opposite sex knew about the other

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That we have four phases in our menstrual cycle

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Oh my gosh

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Our hormones are going up and down left right in center

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Throughout the whole month and we might be four different people depending on what cycle we're on. I mean phaser on

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man

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I think boys often known having the fun stuff

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And girls are known for being like the deep emotional stuff

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And I think is actually we both can be both and both are important and I

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Like I know we're different, but actually we're still the same species

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And so I'm a bit like maybe something I want them to know is like you can't still hang out

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We can't still have fun. Yeah, you can still have emotions that's important

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Like let's come together. Yeah, but just because I'm with you doesn't mean that we're gonna always go deep

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Yeah, like we can also just be light and have fun too. Yeah, and girls can be funny. That's another one

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Period girls are funny. We can be deep for you this too

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Yeah, I was gonna say you can be clear

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Communicators as well and we can we actually like hard conversations as well. Yeah, I feel like that. There's a

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perception that men don't always want the emotional hard conversation. Mm-hmm, but we're so willing. Yeah. Yeah

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I think mine's on a very similar temperature of

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just because we

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Might like to take on the provider role and that kind of thing

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And like be the one that comes up with the plans and covers everything

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I don't just be a bystander to that

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Like hey, we're going to date

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I want to spend four hours with you and you alone

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Like I'd love you to input if you really want to do this say you really want to do this say you really want to do that

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like

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I wish

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sometimes that

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the input

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would be

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Would be a bit more because I'd love to hear

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What you want to do, you know, like it's good. Yeah, I want to be the provider, but I don't want you to be a bystander

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It's good talk to me. And what is a unique this final question by the him. What's a unique

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Challenge faced by men in question faith unique New York unique New York

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Sort of what was that? It's good tongue twister. Okay. Can you say it through terms please? No. Okay. You remember the question actually

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What is a unique in New York unique New York so oh flip yeah, I'll do it. Yeah, challenge faced by men. Yeah question faith I think

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the challenge of

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like

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The fact that constant if you're like in a brotherhood and you've got accountability

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You've got to get used to weakness a little bit in that regard. I've got a mate right now who

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I'm currently in a scenario which

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I basically I have a friend who's giving me accounts but every single day. So I've got four questions my friend

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Thea a text him answers to these four questions every single day

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and it's an accountability check every day and

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I

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Last month and also doing it have had to get used to

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the challenge of being

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Week in moments. Yeah, having to take a step back and be like actually I did fail on this today

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And I need to tell someone about it and that is a weak moment because not only are you admitting you did something wrong

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but you're waiting to be

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Affirmed on it. So I think that's a unique one for Christian blocs

314
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Yeah, I think similar to be honest. It's like being vulnerable not transparent

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With it brotherhood as well like we can hear harla you need accountability you need to press into weakness

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So I can be like hey Sam

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I'm gonna press into weakness. Here's all the stuff going on in my life

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Cool, you can say what you want. Yeah, but I can still be back like I can still be boundary in that

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And not have you actually like speak into my life. Yeah, or I can actually come

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In the process let down all my boundaries and have to like be weak

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Which means you could actually reach into my heart and like move me around and change things

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But you have but like choosing to be not just transparent but actually vulnerable

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Like letting people in fully

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It's quite a lot like I find it hard to be weak with in my closest friends and then cry in front of my closest friends

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And let go in front of my closest friends

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And that could be quite unique to men

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What is a unique challenge faced by women in Christian faith?

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Okay

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Stereotypes

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Interesting tell me more

331
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I don't know that's all I had

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What do you mean by stereotypes? What is the stereotypes do you think?

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I mean like what you were just saying with the other question like

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Obsits sex near about the other sort of like women are fun to like as much as we can be feeling and go deep and emotional

335
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We're also fun

336
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Yeah, I'm just human

337
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Yeah, I think men are invested more to become leaders than women are

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and in churches and

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I think that's a issue still to be honest and I think it's even I think what I've seen of like

340
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There can be great gals, but the men are the ones the whole authority

341
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Um, and I think there's a difference and I think because of all the like

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I

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People need to be safe and protect themselves is like men

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Investing in men women investing in women, but I think it's really great

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I also think that that means there's a lot of men in leadership

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Which therefore means women aren't being invested into and I think actually there are ways to do it

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There are safe ways to do it. Yeah, and I'm like I want to be invested in by these great

348
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Spiritual holy men still just because I'm a woman means I'm not getting their input right noise me

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So I think one of the unique challenges is where is actually

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still like

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Women being raised up is and seen is just as a strong authoritative leader as a man. I love that

352
00:25:01.640 --> 00:25:06.520
Yeah, I really do and like let this be like honestly, I didn't have that perspective at all

353
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Well, I do actually I do

354
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If I actually help me like think about that

355
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But I think it's just like as women we also need to understand and know that like we do have authority

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Given by the Lord if we're like holding spaces like that to actually step into that and not like shy away

357
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I'll be timid yeah, um and be okay to ask questions be okay to be like

358
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Hey, could you actually meant to me if they are a guy obviously doing it like

359
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Well, there are ways of doing it well

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00:25:36.040 --> 00:25:41.720
Um, but yeah be bold and like use your voice like God's used you to like giving you to use yeah

361
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And you don't know like you're not just there to like preach and speak to the women in the room

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You're also there speaking to the men to yeah, so

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You know God can use everyone and anyone so

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Yeah, go for it guys that was a last question. Thank you so much for joining us for this guys goes like

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Perspective on the questions that you sent us, but hopefully this was like insightful and helpful

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But do like also go to your mentors like your youth leaders and everything to like awesome questions, but

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See you guys in the next one. Bye

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You