WEBVTT 1 00:00:04.215 --> 00:00:07.476 Seven Parenting Techniques to Modify Your Child's Behavior. 2 00:00:07.956 --> 00:00:09.116 Welcome to Living Influence. 3 00:00:10.377 --> 00:00:11.837 Well, I'm actually teasing you. 4 00:00:11.877 --> 00:00:14.798 My name is Scott Boyd, and I'm your host, along with my friend Bill Thrall. 5 00:00:14.818 --> 00:00:15.578 Hi, Scott. 6 00:00:15.638 --> 00:00:22.620 If you know anything about our channel, we aren't a channel that wants to just deal with somebody's behavior. 7 00:00:22.740 --> 00:00:23.401 Absolutely. 8 00:00:24.001 --> 00:00:25.621 We actually want to deal with their heart. 9 00:00:25.921 --> 00:00:26.281 Amen. 10 00:00:26.922 --> 00:00:31.383 Because when a person's heart's transformed, their behavior transforms. 11 00:00:31.943 --> 00:00:32.323 Right on. 12 00:00:32.744 --> 00:00:34.204 And we've been talking about trust. 13 00:00:34.425 --> 00:00:34.605 Yep. 14 00:00:34.945 --> 00:00:42.249 And I wish I were sharp enough to come with a parenting example of trust, but I've got other examples with trust. 15 00:00:43.090 --> 00:00:52.935 I have been on a boat with a guide trout fishing, and I trusted the guide, and he told me what to do. 16 00:00:54.096 --> 00:00:58.379 And as I did it, I caught a fish because I trusted him. 17 00:00:58.519 --> 00:00:58.739 Right. 18 00:00:59.180 --> 00:01:05.044 And so it wasn't like he was telling me something I had to do that was an obligation because I trusted him. 19 00:01:05.444 --> 00:01:07.185 He was there to help me catch fish. 20 00:01:07.745 --> 00:01:09.647 That's why trust is such a big word. 21 00:01:09.827 --> 00:01:10.327 It's huge. 22 00:01:10.747 --> 00:01:12.188 With our kids because— 23 00:01:13.249 --> 00:01:24.679 If they really trust us and if our interests are really for their best, then it gives you a completely different result with your kids. 24 00:01:25.299 --> 00:01:32.045 Unfortunately, for many parents, their mindset is... 25 00:01:34.694 --> 00:01:36.534 how do I get my kids to behave? 26 00:01:36.714 --> 00:01:38.435 That's their mindset. 27 00:01:38.795 --> 00:01:42.576 What do I need to do to get my kids to behave? 28 00:01:42.696 --> 00:01:46.616 I'd just like to go to the grocery store and get home without an incident. 29 00:01:46.776 --> 00:01:47.317 Exactly. 30 00:01:47.757 --> 00:01:49.417 How do I get my kids to behave? 31 00:01:50.137 --> 00:01:56.138 Now, we're not going to say that there's a magic pill or a magic nest that can help it. 32 00:01:56.198 --> 00:01:59.099 What we are going to say is, as a parent, 33 00:02:00.434 --> 00:02:07.580 How do I begin to learn to focus on their person instead of their behavior? 34 00:02:08.681 --> 00:02:17.109 Even a theology that focuses on behavior can never mature anybody. 35 00:02:18.223 --> 00:02:30.668 So one of the things we want to learn together is not how can I modify my child's behavior, but far more importantly, how am I ever going to get my kid to grow up? 36 00:02:30.728 --> 00:02:37.711 How am I ever going to be able to be at that place where I'm part of the process of their maturing? 37 00:02:38.352 --> 00:02:40.032 That's the greater goal. 38 00:02:41.233 --> 00:02:43.774 And the greater goal is to do this. 39 00:02:44.414 --> 00:02:45.875 How do I learn what? 40 00:02:46.615 --> 00:02:52.939 to touch my child's heart with truth that they can trust? 41 00:02:54.419 --> 00:02:59.983 How can I learn to touch my child's heart with truth that they can trust? 42 00:03:00.423 --> 00:03:00.683 Mm-hmm. 43 00:03:01.723 --> 00:03:09.708 Now, I can't do that, Scott, unless I have experienced truth that I have trusted. 44 00:03:09.728 --> 00:03:09.868 Mm-hmm. 45 00:03:11.355 --> 00:03:12.315 Okay, yeah. 46 00:03:12.636 --> 00:03:15.057 See, I can do something as a Christian. 47 00:03:15.077 --> 00:03:19.899 I can teach my child to know the Bible. 48 00:03:21.399 --> 00:03:21.600 Yeah. 49 00:03:22.140 --> 00:03:27.502 Or I can teach my child the truth that I have trusted in the Bible. 50 00:03:28.923 --> 00:03:29.223 Mm-hmm. 51 00:03:30.563 --> 00:03:37.727 If I teach my child to know the Bible, they may or may not ever trust it. 52 00:03:38.327 --> 00:03:38.447 Yeah. 53 00:03:38.467 --> 00:03:38.567 Yeah. 54 00:03:39.628 --> 00:03:43.969 There's a statistic that haunts me, Scott, deeply, deeply haunts me. 55 00:03:44.149 --> 00:03:50.230 It's from back in the late 90s, early 2000s, and it still haunts me. 56 00:03:50.370 --> 00:03:53.010 It's statistically viable. 57 00:03:53.110 --> 00:03:54.270 It really is true. 58 00:03:54.290 --> 00:04:08.853 70% of children who have been in a youth group in a church, okay, 70% of the children who have been in a youth group in a church 59 00:04:10.020 --> 00:04:13.823 By the end of their sophomore year, we'll never go to church again. 60 00:04:14.924 --> 00:04:15.124 Yeah. 61 00:04:15.665 --> 00:04:20.629 Now, that means we're losing 70% of kids who know their Bibles. 62 00:04:21.830 --> 00:04:22.010 Yeah. 63 00:04:22.751 --> 00:04:23.992 How is that possible? 64 00:04:25.173 --> 00:04:27.935 Because of what we're talking about right now. 65 00:04:29.376 --> 00:04:36.182 Am I as a parent, do I as a parent trust the Word of God? 66 00:04:37.347 --> 00:04:54.739 Have I trusted it for my life so that I can teach my children with confidence that the Scriptures, as the Word of God, really experientially are working for me and can work for them? 67 00:04:56.280 --> 00:05:01.123 And so this whole idea of techniques can't. 68 00:05:01.403 --> 00:05:01.964 They can. 69 00:05:02.324 --> 00:05:05.266 I'm telling you, techniques can modify behavior differently. 70 00:05:06.406 --> 00:05:20.453 What it does in the child, though, it creates in the child the ability to, in fact, use the technique but never mature. 71 00:05:21.813 --> 00:05:22.014 Yeah. 72 00:05:23.594 --> 00:05:28.857 And so what happens is now that I'm 20 years old, I'm a sophomore in college— 73 00:05:30.620 --> 00:05:35.445 I realized that all of those techniques I was taught, they ain't working. 74 00:05:35.545 --> 00:05:36.326 They never worked. 75 00:05:36.426 --> 00:05:37.367 I lied about it. 76 00:05:37.968 --> 00:05:43.673 I complied with my parents, but I never learned to obey my parents. 77 00:05:44.134 --> 00:05:47.677 So I'm going to say something, again, really critical to this process. 78 00:05:48.598 --> 00:05:52.022 Trust opens the heart to truth. 79 00:05:53.760 --> 00:05:53.980 Right. 80 00:05:54.020 --> 00:05:57.723 When you trust someone, it opens their heart to hear truth. 81 00:05:57.943 --> 00:06:01.465 You actually want to hear what they have to say. 82 00:06:01.686 --> 00:06:02.386 Absolutely. 83 00:06:02.426 --> 00:06:04.708 Because you actually think it might help you. 84 00:06:05.048 --> 00:06:06.529 Because you see it helping them. 85 00:06:07.170 --> 00:06:08.490 Truth transforms. 86 00:06:08.811 --> 00:06:10.092 It's a biblical principle. 87 00:06:10.272 --> 00:06:11.312 Truth transforms. 88 00:06:12.894 --> 00:06:14.755 But it's an incomplete reality. 89 00:06:14.775 --> 00:06:20.559 Because truth that transforms has to be trusted. 90 00:06:22.327 --> 00:06:23.848 No, and you're making me think of this. 91 00:06:24.169 --> 00:06:30.814 I mean, I've been working on this, trying to document what were the things that I did that worked in my business. 92 00:06:31.095 --> 00:06:31.315 Right. 93 00:06:32.816 --> 00:06:39.482 And so this trust fits with it because one of the things you like to say, Bill, is we need to trust who God says we are. 94 00:06:39.662 --> 00:06:40.983 Absolutely. 95 00:06:41.544 --> 00:06:48.610 And so when I trust who God says I am, I learn to believe God. 96 00:06:49.934 --> 00:06:50.234 In me. 97 00:06:50.254 --> 00:06:51.315 Amen. 98 00:06:51.896 --> 00:06:57.361 Now, not the me before I knew God, but the me that I am now that I know God. 99 00:06:57.521 --> 00:06:57.761 Amen. 100 00:06:57.821 --> 00:06:58.742 Or now that he knows me. 101 00:06:59.303 --> 00:07:03.386 So I begin to believe that God is in me and he's changed my heart. 102 00:07:03.647 --> 00:07:03.987 Amen. 103 00:07:04.547 --> 00:07:06.749 And I can trust that he's in me. 104 00:07:07.110 --> 00:07:10.513 There's this belief and trust that happens in my heart first. 105 00:07:12.111 --> 00:07:24.982 And then the parent or the boss takes the child or even a co-worker, and I, because I believe and trust in me, I'm going to believe and trust in you. 106 00:07:27.075 --> 00:07:31.457 And because I believe and trust in them, they believe and trust in me. 107 00:07:31.657 --> 00:07:31.877 Amen. 108 00:07:31.917 --> 00:07:35.659 It's kind of this, it's a reinforcing loop that happens. 109 00:07:35.679 --> 00:07:35.799 It is. 110 00:07:35.839 --> 00:07:36.259 Thank you. 111 00:07:36.439 --> 00:07:37.420 It is. 112 00:07:38.220 --> 00:07:53.307 And when that then can be established with our children where they realize we believe in them, they realize we trust them, and then they in turn trust and believe us, then we can love them. 113 00:07:54.107 --> 00:07:55.708 Then we can guide them. 114 00:07:57.189 --> 00:08:05.036 then they might share with us, hey, I've been struggling with this kid at school, and we can help them. 115 00:08:06.157 --> 00:08:06.958 Well said, Scott. 116 00:08:07.359 --> 00:08:08.660 Every bit of that, well said. 117 00:08:08.880 --> 00:08:09.080 Yeah. 118 00:08:09.921 --> 00:08:10.862 So I'm a parent. 119 00:08:12.892 --> 00:08:19.454 And I'm wanting my children to be able to trust me so I can teach them truth. 120 00:08:20.554 --> 00:08:22.815 Because I believe truth transforms us. 121 00:08:24.275 --> 00:08:26.535 And then I discover something. 122 00:08:28.476 --> 00:08:30.837 How would I ever know that I'm trusting truth? 123 00:08:32.697 --> 00:08:33.957 Because I act upon it. 124 00:08:34.577 --> 00:08:34.758 Right. 125 00:08:35.258 --> 00:08:36.538 Because I act upon it. 126 00:08:37.732 --> 00:08:47.243 So one of the things I want to be able to learn as a person, now as a parent, how do I help my children trust truth? 127 00:08:48.865 --> 00:08:53.650 Because I model for them that I have acted upon the truth I trust. 128 00:08:54.291 --> 00:08:54.531 Mm-hmm. 129 00:08:56.877 --> 00:09:04.765 If I do not have the experience of acting upon the truth I trust, I cannot transfer to my child that truth. 130 00:09:05.665 --> 00:09:13.673 Yes, that's a tragic—I mean, it's just like, no, no, see what I got in my Bible right here, and I'm a Christian, and I want the kids this. 131 00:09:13.953 --> 00:09:14.974 This is it, kids. 132 00:09:15.034 --> 00:09:15.815 Come on, this is it. 133 00:09:15.875 --> 00:09:16.396 And it is. 134 00:09:16.476 --> 00:09:17.317 This is the Word of God. 135 00:09:17.897 --> 00:09:18.718 This is it, kids. 136 00:09:19.358 --> 00:09:20.919 But you know what really helps a kid? 137 00:09:21.900 --> 00:09:33.048 When I turn to this and I say, this book, which is the Word of God, I trusted when I was 17 or when I was 37 or last Tuesday. 138 00:09:33.108 --> 00:09:33.228 Yeah. 139 00:09:34.689 --> 00:09:43.335 And so when you, sweetheart, son, daughter, when you read this book, look for places where you can trust what it says. 140 00:09:44.759 --> 00:09:45.019 Yeah. 141 00:09:45.480 --> 00:09:46.381 How did you handle this? 142 00:09:46.461 --> 00:09:52.348 Because I can remember wanting my kids to turn out better than I did. 143 00:09:52.809 --> 00:09:52.909 Ah. 144 00:09:54.491 --> 00:09:55.532 Did you ever have that thought? 145 00:09:55.552 --> 00:09:56.073 Oh, of course. 146 00:09:56.253 --> 00:09:56.954 Yeah, of course. 147 00:09:57.315 --> 00:09:57.875 Many times. 148 00:09:58.296 --> 00:09:58.536 Yeah. 149 00:09:58.896 --> 00:09:59.758 Yeah, many times. 150 00:10:01.019 --> 00:10:02.501 That's a great question, Scott. 151 00:10:02.521 --> 00:10:03.963 It has to do with God's grace. 152 00:10:03.983 --> 00:10:04.223 Yes. 153 00:10:04.982 --> 00:10:07.204 It does have to do with God's grace. 154 00:10:08.025 --> 00:10:08.886 And that is this. 155 00:10:09.426 --> 00:10:28.263 If I want my children to turn out better than me because of the horrible choices that I made and the life that I was given, or do I want my children to have a life better than me because they know the Lord and the God of grace for their salvation and their person? 156 00:10:30.628 --> 00:10:31.629 That's a big difference. 157 00:10:32.329 --> 00:10:33.771 I may regret my life. 158 00:10:34.171 --> 00:10:35.972 I may regret what happened to me in my life. 159 00:10:36.012 --> 00:10:37.874 I don't want that to be my kid's life. 160 00:10:38.394 --> 00:10:43.759 So I'm going to do everything so they don't end up experiencing what I experienced. 161 00:10:44.579 --> 00:10:45.500 No, no. 162 00:10:45.520 --> 00:10:59.812 What I want to be able to say to my children is, do you know because of the miracle of God's grace, we're going to have a whole session on this for parents, I've learned to forgive my yesterdays and trust God with my tomorrows. 163 00:11:01.160 --> 00:11:10.407 And if you learn, my dear daughter, my dear son, to trust God with what happened yesterday, it'll free you to enjoy tomorrow. 164 00:11:11.588 --> 00:11:12.969 That's really important. 165 00:11:13.009 --> 00:11:25.118 If I don't model for my children how I've trusted God with the regret, the life, the pain, etc., I'll tell you a real deep personal story. 166 00:11:26.415 --> 00:11:27.715 You know my story, Scott. 167 00:11:28.016 --> 00:11:35.197 I grew up in an alcoholic home, and I went through a real hard early childhood for all of that stuff. 168 00:11:36.138 --> 00:11:38.238 And quite honestly, it scarred me deeply. 169 00:11:38.758 --> 00:11:43.159 My parents were compulsive, and I became compulsive like my parents. 170 00:11:43.800 --> 00:11:45.400 And yet I learned, Scott, 171 00:11:46.698 --> 00:11:54.023 to trust God, to forgive them, forgive how they affected me, forgive me for the choices I made. 172 00:11:54.983 --> 00:12:03.369 And I have learned that I can now trust my own heart in spite of what I've done and what was done to me. 173 00:12:04.289 --> 00:12:05.430 It has freed me. 174 00:12:06.891 --> 00:12:09.773 Now, this is a miracle story about my life. 175 00:12:10.954 --> 00:12:16.237 Oh, 20 years ago, our whole family, three children, all of our grandkids were all up in the mountains together. 176 00:12:16.953 --> 00:12:20.936 and Grace and I are sitting like you and I are looking at the living room full of our family. 177 00:12:21.916 --> 00:12:22.897 And I started crying. 178 00:12:23.797 --> 00:12:26.939 I just, tears just started rolling down my cheeks. 179 00:12:27.179 --> 00:12:27.399 Yeah. 180 00:12:27.920 --> 00:12:32.422 And she looked at me and she said, what's wrong with you now? 181 00:12:34.281 --> 00:12:35.762 Shouldn't this be a happy time? 182 00:12:36.362 --> 00:12:39.064 And I said, honey, I think these are tears of joy. 183 00:12:39.084 --> 00:12:40.745 I don't feel sad. 184 00:12:40.785 --> 00:12:41.806 I feel delightful. 185 00:12:41.886 --> 00:12:42.146 Why? 186 00:12:42.166 --> 00:12:55.334 And this gets really emotional for me because, honey, do you realize that none of our grandchildren have the behavioral compulsive behavior of my history? 187 00:12:56.655 --> 00:12:57.836 And, Scott, none of them do. 188 00:12:58.869 --> 00:12:59.069 Yeah. 189 00:12:59.990 --> 00:13:02.092 Now, I just said a miracle, Scott. 190 00:13:02.612 --> 00:13:02.952 Mm-hmm. 191 00:13:03.172 --> 00:13:19.145 How is it possible for my dysfunction to have been so healed by God's grace that it's not being transformed as it has been for generations through the history of my family? 192 00:13:19.465 --> 00:13:19.705 Yeah. 193 00:13:20.086 --> 00:13:23.028 So I want to say to every parent, every parent, 194 00:13:24.823 --> 00:13:33.107 There is nothing that you've done and nothing that's ever been done to you that is not resolvable through the blood of Christ. 195 00:13:33.847 --> 00:13:34.407 Hear that. 196 00:13:34.487 --> 00:13:35.948 We're going to have a whole lesson on this. 197 00:13:36.808 --> 00:13:37.649 But hear that. 198 00:13:38.649 --> 00:13:49.274 Because the transformation that takes place through the miracle of forgiveness and repentance breaks the generational sin of man. 199 00:13:49.634 --> 00:13:52.096 What we're talking about right now is profound, Scott. 200 00:13:52.416 --> 00:13:52.636 Yeah. 201 00:13:52.776 --> 00:13:54.357 These are profound truths. 202 00:13:54.577 --> 00:13:54.758 Mm-hmm. 203 00:13:55.438 --> 00:14:06.425 How do my children learn to trust me when I learn to trust them with everything that's true about me? 204 00:14:07.266 --> 00:14:07.406 Oh. 205 00:14:09.862 --> 00:14:11.082 Does it make any sense? 206 00:14:11.242 --> 00:14:12.303 I don't want my kids. 207 00:14:12.623 --> 00:14:14.303 No, no, just the opposite. 208 00:14:15.023 --> 00:14:27.826 Could the miracle of God's grace be so significant that at a place called Calvary, the blood of Jesus was shed to cleanse me of everything I've done? 209 00:14:29.286 --> 00:14:37.168 Could it be true that at Calvary, the blood of Jesus Christ was shed to cleanse me of everything that's been done to me? 210 00:14:38.628 --> 00:14:48.773 When we get to that lesson in depth, I want to tell you there's lots of stories of transformed lives who have trusted the blood of Christ to cleanse them. 211 00:14:50.223 --> 00:15:00.646 When I have not learned that as a parent, then I will continue to hide from my family my reality, and I will lose their trust. 212 00:15:01.066 --> 00:15:01.326 Yeah. 213 00:15:01.786 --> 00:15:02.846 It's a hard lesson, Scott. 214 00:15:02.866 --> 00:15:03.047 Yeah. 215 00:15:03.487 --> 00:15:04.967 We don't want you to lose your trust. 216 00:15:05.187 --> 00:15:05.467 No. 217 00:15:05.627 --> 00:15:06.247 Of your children. 218 00:15:06.608 --> 00:15:09.748 No, we want this to be a hopeful lesson. 219 00:15:09.768 --> 00:15:09.928 Yeah. 220 00:15:10.329 --> 00:15:15.730 But the lesson is really dependent on, have I learned as a parent that? 221 00:15:17.970 --> 00:15:24.716 to let God heal me so I can be a vehicle of healing them. 222 00:15:25.356 --> 00:15:25.597 Yeah. 223 00:15:26.958 --> 00:15:27.438 Thank you, Bill. 224 00:15:27.678 --> 00:15:28.039 Amen. 225 00:15:28.079 --> 00:15:28.539 That's good. 226 00:15:30.200 --> 00:15:38.588 Hey, you know, when you put a comment on one of our videos, it helps the cause because that causes more people to see what we're doing. 227 00:15:39.328 --> 00:15:40.609 We love this grace message. 228 00:15:40.709 --> 00:15:45.894 We love how it transforms your lives, our lives, our family's lives. 229 00:15:46.360 --> 00:15:52.465 Check us out not only on YouTube, we're on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Instagram. 230 00:15:53.245 --> 00:15:55.347 I think we're even on TikTok, which is crazy to me. 231 00:15:55.507 --> 00:15:56.488 Oh, and Facebook too. 232 00:15:56.528 --> 00:15:57.228 Facebook, yeah. 233 00:15:57.268 --> 00:15:58.870 So, yeah, help us out. 234 00:15:58.950 --> 00:15:59.670 Give us a like. 235 00:15:59.890 --> 00:16:00.811 Give us a subscribe. 236 00:16:01.331 --> 00:16:02.152 Leave us a comment. 237 00:16:02.692 --> 00:16:03.753 And we hope to see you next week. 238 00:16:04.194 --> 00:16:05.895 Thanks for listening to Living Influence. 239 00:16:05.935 --> 00:16:06.856 We appreciate you. 240 00:16:07.636 --> 00:16:08.817 Just a call to action. 241 00:16:08.877 --> 00:16:13.921 We would love it if you would share our podcast with one or two people this week. 242 00:16:14.742 --> 00:16:15.222 Thanks again.