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I will never, ever, under any circumstances, leave you.

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Another paraphrase is, because of my nature, it is an utter impossibility for me to forsake you, ever.

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He promised he'd be with you.

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He promised you won't be alone, no matter what you feel like, no matter what you're going through.

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Hallelujah.

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For he himself has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.

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Welcome to the City Light Church podcast.

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Thanks for joining us today as we look into God's Word and discover the hope and truth that He has for us.

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If you want to connect with City Light Church, feel free to visit us at citylightnyc.com.

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That's citylightnyc.com.

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Pastor Boyan Jancic and his team believe that the power of the Holy Spirit is already working in our hearts and minds.

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As you listen to today's teaching, remember that you are deeply loved by God, that you are surrounded by His grace, and that He has a real hope and a future for you.

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Before I begin ministering, I just want to remind you that God, He does things by His anointing.

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Hallelujah.

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It's all about the oil.

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Amen.

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Yet somehow we have a Christianity without oil.

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What is an un-oily, un-anointed Christianity?

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It's dead religion.

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You know what I think America began?

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Its rapid decline?

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No, you're right, feminism, that's true.

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That everything went downhill.

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That's true.

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All right, but the second thing is the fat-free movement.

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I've been taking shots of olive oil.

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Every time I pass by the kitchen, I have a tablespoon of butter.

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And fat is leaving me.

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And I realized Satan loves fat free.

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Then I looked in the Bible.

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And it says all this wonderful stuff about fat.

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You know the scriptures it says.

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That the yoke will be destroyed.

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Because of the anointing.

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In the Hebrew that's actually fatness.

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The yoke of bondage will be destroyed.

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As the necks get fatter and fatter.

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And it's destroyed.

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Fatness is good.

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I mean, it's not good to be fat, but fatness is good.

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No, no, track with me, hang with me for a second.

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The choicest part of the meats were the fatty cuts.

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I'm eating two pounds of ground beef a day now.

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My blood work has never been better.

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I've never felt stronger.

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You haven't tuned in to the nutrition channel.

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And I didn't share this in the first service.

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This is just what's coming out.

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In fact, the anointing on me to eat meat and fat is so strong, it's actually touched my wife.

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Amen.

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Oh, she's eating organ meats now.

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If you ever look at my wife and say, what's her secret?

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Fat.

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Organ meats.

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No, but listen.

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Oil is a sign of the anointing.

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Fatness is from God.

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By the way, I know if you're like, what is this guy saying?

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You've been brainwashed by the machine and the agenda.

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Do you know all the vitamins, all the nutrients, all the minerals are actually in the fatty part of the animal?

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You know what the first thing that happened as Lois and Clark and his whole team pushed out west?

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What they noticed?

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They were all eating rabbits.

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They couldn't have any food, but the rabbits abounded.

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And a rabbit is some of the leanest meat.

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And they were eating pounds and pounds of rabbits, and they actually were starving to death.

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Their body was consuming itself, consuming its own muscle, because when you just eat lean without fat, your body's starved for nutrition.

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So fatten is good.

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That's why the scripture says, eat the fat.

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Have a little wine with it.

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Drink the sweet.

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Because it's a symbol of the power of God.

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It's a symbol of the anointing.

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And the anointing, the oil of God, the power of God, is what gets the job done.

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So churches that just have a charismatic, inspirational speaker, they can attract large people.

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Audiences, but the audiences will remain unchanged.

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What does the work in a service and throughout the week is the power of God.

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My faith is to see the power of God flow to you, to touch you, but then that throughout the week you will engage the power of God.

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That's your homework assignment.

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By the way, do you notice I don't give homework?

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Like sometimes there's churches, you come every Sunday and it's just one to-do list after another.

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He doesn't say I'm giving homework, but oh, I got to do this now.

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I got to do that now.

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And that's religion.

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Then you're just another hamster on another wheel.

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I got to keep doing.

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I got to keep doing.

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I got to keep going.

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I got to.

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I got to.

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And then you go online and everything is six steps to nine paths.

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You got to.

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Everything is do, do, do.

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And your whole life's covered in do, do and smells like it too.

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So I don't give homework, I don't give to do, but this is, let me just one time here.

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Is your homework, which should be a daily Christian practice, is learn how to engage the power of God.

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If you're not engaging the power of God, don't be condemned.

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But be thou convicted by a divine pinprick in your booty.

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Just a whoop.

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Be pinpricked.

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That you must learn to engage the power.

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I don't know how that works.

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Practice.

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Be bold enough and courageous enough to practice.

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Go into a private room.

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Close the door.

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And just begin talking to God.

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And ask him, touch me with your power.

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Reveal your Holy Spirit to me.

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I don't want dead religion.

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I don't want just a works program.

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I don't want a nice church.

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I read through the scriptures and you're alive and you're present and you're working.

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And that's, Lord, what I want in my life.

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I want the day of Pentecost.

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I want the book of Acts.

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I want the gifts of the Spirit.

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I want to know you.

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I want to be like the Apostle Paul who said, I am determined to know him.

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I want to know him in the power of his resurrection.

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And in the fellowship of his sufferings, which we'll get to today.

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I want to know him.

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Because if you hear today's message...

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And you're not engaging in the power of God.

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It's just words.

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And they just temporarily maybe make you feel good, temporarily encourage you.

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And then you forgot 95% of what was said on the subway ride home.

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No, the power of God does the work.

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Hallelujah.

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Hallelujah.

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It gets the job done.

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If you've been baptized in the Holy Spirit and you speak in tongues, speak in tongues every day.

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If you haven't been baptized in the Holy Spirit, I highly recommend it.

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And it's available to you.

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And frankly, it's not optional.

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Jesus didn't say, you know, if you're one of the dedicated ones, receive you the Holy Ghost.

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He told everyone.

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Receive the Holy Spirit.

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Told his disciples, don't even think of going out there until you're endued with power from on high.

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And if you don't know what I'm talking about, on your way out, there's a blue book and a red book.

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Take both.

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It's like a 10-minute read each.

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And read them.

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And then read them again and read them one more time.

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And get hungry.

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And have a God encounter.

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Hallelujah.

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What is Christianity but a God encounter?

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Hallelujah.

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Hallelujah.

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And Christianity is really God pursuing man.

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And yes, he asked that you pursue him aggressively, pursue him back.

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But all throughout the scriptures, there is a common theme, and that's God pursuing man.

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Hallelujah.

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Hallelujah.

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Let me just read to you a few of those.

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The Christian life is not the story of people trying to reach a distant God.

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It is a story of a God who continually pursues and comes to his people.

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He came walking in the garden after Adam fell.

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He came to Abraham.

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Yes.

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He came to Moses in the burning bush.

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He came when Elijah was all depressed and suicidal in a cave.

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He came to Elijah in the cave.

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He came to Daniel in the den, in the lion's den.

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He came to the three Hebrews in the fire.

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He came to us in the person of Jesus Christ.

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Hey.

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He came at Pentecost through the Holy Spirit.

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And because of the finished work of Christ, he no longer visits his people.

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He dwells within them.

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Hallelujah.

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That's why Jesus said, abide in me.

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Not come and hang out for a while.

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But come and pitch a tent and abide.

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Live at, dwell.

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Because I came to not just visit, I pursue you, I love you, and I dwell with you.

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Hallelujah.

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That's why all the blessings of Psalm 91.

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Anybody know Psalm 91?

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Can anybody say the first verse out loud?

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Do we got a bold person to shout?

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Yes.

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Yes.

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He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High.

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Not he who passes through the secret place of the Most High.

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He who sometimes visits the secret place of the Most High.

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And if you look at that word dwell, it actually has the meaning of pitches a tent in.

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He who pitches a tent makes a home.

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So you're invited not to be a pastor through, but to abide.

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And thankfully for all of us, we have a God who wants that and who abides with us.

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Now I find over and over again that a great enemy to us is our emotions, feelings.

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Nothing more than feelings.

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We've got lots and lots of feelings.

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I'm a man, but I'm from the Balkans, so I got a lot of feelings.

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But I found even Scandinavian men have feelings.

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Believe it or not, even Asian men have feelings.

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We got feelings.

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And feelings, as nice or as bad as they feel,

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They're temporary.

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And they're up and down like a twisty roller coaster.

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And feelings will at times mess you and trip you up.

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And one of the feelings that we as humans are prone to is this feeling of being forsaken by God.

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Especially when we're going through it.

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You might ask, what is it?

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That thing you're going through.

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that thing you don't want to be going through, that painful thing that you're tired of going through, that's it.

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And when you're going through it, and by the way, we're all going to go through it, how many times?

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Too many times.

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Lots and lots of times.

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We'll go through it.

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When you're going through it, it comes with a very large loudspeaker, a mega bullhorn.

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It's loud.

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We always go through it, but I got like five or six choice-its that I've gone through.

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I'm talking about where I'm knocked down, blood coming out of my mouth, don't even want to get back up.

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I've been hit hard.

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And that comes with a loudspeaker.

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pain, loneliness, isolation, regret, also a lot of shame, a lot of guilt, a lot of condemnation.

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Oh, I'm down.

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Oh, I'm nothing.

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I'm nobody.

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Oh.

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Right then, you pick up your phone.

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You go on social media.

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And what do you see?

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Everybody.

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My life is so wonderful.

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And you're like, ah.

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My life is down the toilet.

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People really knew how much pain I'm in, what I go through, and my true feelings.

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So in those feelings, in that state of being knocked down, a lie comes.

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God is not with you.

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You're alone.

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About five or six times in my life, and all of these, by the way, is when I was in full-time ministry pastoring.

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I heard that lie, and I felt, I felt that.

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I felt God was far, God was distant.

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Why?

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In my head, excuse me, in my heart, I know that that's an impossibility, but my feelings and my head are swirling because of the pain, because of the chaos, and I feel like I'm alone.

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And I want to address that specifically today.

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I forgot the announcements, but we're going to have to get back to them.

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Lots of good announcements.

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But I want to address this, and I want to give you six scriptures.

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Because one of the biggest lies Satan will tell you is that you are alone.

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That you are just on a random piece of earth, a planet, suspended by nothing, spinning in the cosmos, totally alone.

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Totally.

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00:14:56.778 --> 00:14:57.399
It's not true.

247
00:14:57.459 --> 00:14:58.319
You have a maker.

248
00:14:58.720 --> 00:14:59.721
You have a creator.

249
00:15:00.221 --> 00:15:02.403
He formed you personally.

250
00:15:03.264 --> 00:15:05.466
He breathed the breath of life into you.

251
00:15:06.126 --> 00:15:09.309
The Bible says he knows your name and he calls you by your name.

252
00:15:09.349 --> 00:15:11.191
And he calls you out by your name.

253
00:15:11.451 --> 00:15:13.533
And he has every hair on your head numbered.

254
00:15:13.853 --> 00:15:15.095
He's an intimate God.

255
00:15:15.475 --> 00:15:21.000
And he takes great pleasure and he pays great attention to his creation.

256
00:15:24.058 --> 00:15:25.760
I feel this even more in the second service.

257
00:15:25.800 --> 00:15:28.342
We must have more people right now who are going through this.

258
00:15:30.623 --> 00:15:31.364
You're not alone.

259
00:15:31.744 --> 00:15:32.625
You'll never be alone.

260
00:15:32.945 --> 00:15:39.931
And the quicker you line up with that truth, because you can line up with the lie, and then you know what you're receiving?

261
00:15:40.031 --> 00:15:41.272
The benefits of that lie.

262
00:15:42.753 --> 00:15:43.594
They're not benefits.

263
00:15:45.015 --> 00:15:50.039
Or you can line up with the truth and lean into the truth, and then you'll receive the great benefits of that truth.

264
00:15:54.015 --> 00:15:55.036
So let's read Hebrews.

265
00:15:57.577 --> 00:15:58.597
Chapter 13.

266
00:15:58.737 --> 00:15:59.738
We'll start with this one.

267
00:16:01.099 --> 00:16:07.262
For he himself has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.

268
00:16:07.962 --> 00:16:13.625
Now in the Greek, I always feel so fancy when I say that one phrase.

269
00:16:13.745 --> 00:16:14.305
In the Greek.

270
00:16:15.726 --> 00:16:18.408
I hope you picture me as I picture me when I say that.

271
00:16:19.988 --> 00:16:22.810
In my study, a couple of candles lit.

272
00:16:24.528 --> 00:16:26.811
Giant tomes open, leather bound.

273
00:16:27.632 --> 00:16:28.253
Some dusty.

274
00:16:29.014 --> 00:16:30.355
I have a magnifying glass.

275
00:16:30.956 --> 00:16:32.658
And I'm studying the ancient texts.

276
00:16:38.705 --> 00:16:42.991
When in reality, I'm about as sophisticated as I didn't know I was on the wrong side of the paper.

277
00:16:51.146 --> 00:16:55.207
It's in the Greek, it's an emphatic five-fold negative.

278
00:16:55.328 --> 00:17:01.390
It could be paraphrased, I will never, ever, under any circumstances, leave you.

279
00:17:02.810 --> 00:17:11.793
Another paraphrase is, because of my nature, it is an utter impossibility for me to forsake you, ever.

280
00:17:13.074 --> 00:17:14.534
He promised he'd be with you.

281
00:17:14.814 --> 00:17:16.275
He promised you won't be alone.

282
00:17:19.456 --> 00:17:22.458
No matter what you feel like, no matter what you're going through.

283
00:17:23.558 --> 00:17:24.319
Hallelujah.

284
00:17:24.659 --> 00:17:27.680
For he himself has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you.

285
00:17:27.720 --> 00:17:28.301
Verse 6.

286
00:17:28.821 --> 00:17:34.604
So we may boldly say, see when you know that you're not alone, a boldness arises, doesn't it?

287
00:17:35.184 --> 00:17:37.485
When you feel like you're alone, you're mousy.

288
00:17:38.266 --> 00:17:39.466
There's somebody right now.

289
00:17:39.546 --> 00:17:40.807
I feel it in my spirit.

290
00:17:41.207 --> 00:17:42.368
You've been isolated.

291
00:17:42.668 --> 00:17:46.270
You've been feeling like you're alone, and it's robbing you of your boldness.

292
00:17:46.570 --> 00:17:47.951
It's causing you to cringe.

293
00:17:48.211 --> 00:17:49.572
It's causing you to become timid.

294
00:17:49.892 --> 00:17:57.036
I break it off of you in Jesus' name, and may, yeah, the mighty boldness of God arise in you.

295
00:18:01.518 --> 00:18:05.900
You know who you are, and that was for you, and you need to go home, go into your room, and let out a roar.

296
00:18:06.381 --> 00:18:06.781
Roar!

297
00:18:07.935 --> 00:18:09.396
The first one may not sound like that.

298
00:18:09.416 --> 00:18:10.936
It might sound more like a cat meowing.

299
00:18:11.436 --> 00:18:14.757
But then let out another one and release the lioness from within.

300
00:18:17.838 --> 00:18:21.760
Because the Bible says the righteous are as bold as a lion.

301
00:18:23.941 --> 00:18:25.861
When you know that he's with you, you're bold.

302
00:18:28.102 --> 00:18:33.524
When I was a kid and I'd go somewhere with my dad, man, my posture was totally different.

303
00:18:36.308 --> 00:18:38.070
My dad is taller than me.

304
00:18:40.293 --> 00:18:41.174
My dad can't, and I can't.

305
00:18:43.797 --> 00:18:44.378
I'm with dad.

306
00:18:46.020 --> 00:18:46.941
Nothing's going to go wrong.

307
00:18:47.201 --> 00:18:47.762
Dad's here.

308
00:18:47.842 --> 00:18:48.423
I'm not alone.

309
00:18:49.512 --> 00:18:51.053
You get boldness knowing he's with you.

310
00:18:51.414 --> 00:18:54.456
So we may boldly say, the Lord is my helper.

311
00:18:55.137 --> 00:18:56.758
I will not fear.

312
00:18:57.119 --> 00:19:02.263
The number one scriptural reason not to fear is because he is with you.

313
00:19:02.643 --> 00:19:04.585
That's what the psalmist over and over again said.

314
00:19:05.065 --> 00:19:08.028
I will not fear for you are with me.

315
00:19:08.368 --> 00:19:09.369
You are with me.

316
00:19:09.609 --> 00:19:11.071
Therefore, I won't fear.

317
00:19:11.391 --> 00:19:13.673
Fear and anxiety comes in when you feel like you're all alone.

318
00:19:13.873 --> 00:19:14.834
That's terrifying.

319
00:19:16.473 --> 00:19:17.193
I will not fear.

320
00:19:17.613 --> 00:19:19.094
What can man?

321
00:19:19.614 --> 00:19:24.755
When God is undergirding me and God Almighty is upholding me, what can a human?

322
00:19:25.215 --> 00:19:26.436
What can man do to me?

323
00:19:27.716 --> 00:19:28.016
Hallelujah.

324
00:19:28.056 --> 00:19:28.456
Hallelujah.

325
00:19:31.857 --> 00:19:34.618
Isaiah chapter 43, verses 1 through 3.

326
00:19:34.658 --> 00:19:37.279
By the way, I memorized these verses back in college.

327
00:19:38.339 --> 00:19:39.319
A long time ago.

328
00:19:40.160 --> 00:19:40.920
I encourage you.

329
00:19:41.040 --> 00:19:42.420
I'm going to give you six verses.

330
00:19:43.040 --> 00:19:43.881
Memorize them.

331
00:19:44.361 --> 00:19:45.021
Write them down.

332
00:19:45.945 --> 00:19:50.608
Take pictures of the screens, whatever you got to do, but commit these to memory.

333
00:19:51.789 --> 00:19:56.072
They shouldn't just be nice little like fortune cookie things that make you feel good for a little bit.

334
00:19:56.652 --> 00:19:59.054
Something changes when you absorb them in your spirit.

335
00:19:59.674 --> 00:20:01.255
Scripture memorization is the key.

336
00:20:01.715 --> 00:20:04.777
Really, the Bible doesn't even talk about scripture memorization.

337
00:20:05.037 --> 00:20:06.959
It talks about scripture meditation.

338
00:20:07.259 --> 00:20:10.721
But when you meditate in a scripture, one of the byproducts is you memorize it.

339
00:20:11.982 --> 00:20:12.923
And the word becomes flesh.

340
00:20:12.943 --> 00:20:13.183
Flesh.

341
00:20:14.531 --> 00:20:16.172
And it changes you from the inside out.

342
00:20:16.192 --> 00:20:22.477
You know, the psalmist also said, Lord, thy word have I hid in my heart that I might not sin against thee.

343
00:20:23.858 --> 00:20:28.101
When you have so much word in you, it's almost like impossible to fall into sin.

344
00:20:29.101 --> 00:20:33.024
His word is upholding you and reinforcing you from the inside out.

345
00:20:35.346 --> 00:20:36.546
Isaiah 43, 1.

346
00:20:37.427 --> 00:20:40.389
Fear not, for I have redeemed you.

347
00:20:41.410 --> 00:20:41.570
Oh, God.

348
00:20:43.019 --> 00:20:44.861
I have called you by your name.

349
00:20:45.281 --> 00:20:46.002
He knows you.

350
00:20:47.083 --> 00:20:52.587
Even my real name, my unpronounceable Bojan Jančić, real name.

351
00:20:53.208 --> 00:20:56.311
He calls me in a perfect Serbian accent by that name.

352
00:20:58.673 --> 00:21:00.754
Yeah.

353
00:21:00.895 --> 00:21:08.261
All of you Asians who are now called Tom, but your real Asian name is difficult for an American.

354
00:21:08.441 --> 00:21:10.423
He calls you by that name, the real name.

355
00:21:14.144 --> 00:21:17.045
The only smart thing, I should have been like an Asian and changed it in kindergarten.

356
00:21:17.945 --> 00:21:19.666
I just changed my name to Bo two years ago.

357
00:21:19.686 --> 00:21:21.827
I had to suffer as boy on all these years.

358
00:21:21.847 --> 00:21:22.647
And you know what it's like.

359
00:21:24.028 --> 00:21:24.868
All those decades.

360
00:21:25.308 --> 00:21:26.729
And by the way, this is the reason I changed it.

361
00:21:26.769 --> 00:21:33.131
There were people that I pastored, I knew for 10 years, and they would call me, Hey, Pastor Bojan, Bohan, Bojan.

362
00:21:33.591 --> 00:21:34.852
I'm like, it's been 10 years.

363
00:21:36.552 --> 00:21:37.773
All right, I got to change it to Bo.

364
00:21:39.280 --> 00:21:40.821
Because my father gave me that option.

365
00:21:40.881 --> 00:21:43.402
He said, do you want to be called Boyan or do you want to, like, we'll change it.

366
00:21:43.442 --> 00:21:45.223
And he suggested Brian.

367
00:21:46.263 --> 00:21:49.044
But I had, I still, because I was under the commie regime, really.

368
00:21:49.384 --> 00:21:54.626
And I was so nationalistic that I was like, no, I'm Yugoslavian and Boyan.

369
00:21:54.667 --> 00:21:56.707
And that was like a terrible next 45 years.

370
00:21:58.348 --> 00:22:00.209
I think my life would have been a lot easier.

371
00:22:00.229 --> 00:22:02.450
I was Bo the whole time.

372
00:22:04.163 --> 00:22:05.645
Fear not, for I have redeemed you.

373
00:22:05.665 --> 00:22:07.106
I have called you by your name.

374
00:22:07.587 --> 00:22:08.367
You are mine.

375
00:22:08.428 --> 00:22:11.811
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.

376
00:22:12.131 --> 00:22:15.175
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.

377
00:22:15.595 --> 00:22:22.322
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned.

378
00:22:22.342 --> 00:22:23.663
Just keep that up there, please.

379
00:22:24.524 --> 00:22:29.869
Waters, rivers, fires, calamities, it's not going to harm you.

380
00:22:30.190 --> 00:22:35.835
But note that he didn't say that he was going to completely keep you from the rivers and the waters and the fires.

381
00:22:36.215 --> 00:22:37.737
You will go through stuff.

382
00:22:40.600 --> 00:22:43.041
And my message is the victory of the cross.

383
00:22:43.461 --> 00:22:46.242
Because the gospel is a message of victory.

384
00:22:46.562 --> 00:22:49.244
And suffering shouldn't be the entire movie of your life.

385
00:22:49.584 --> 00:22:52.265
But there will be a lot of snapshot pictures of suffering.

386
00:22:52.625 --> 00:22:53.545
It's just how it is.

387
00:22:54.105 --> 00:23:00.368
Now for me, a good chunk of my life, my main anxiety, my main suffering, really was finance related.

388
00:23:02.012 --> 00:23:02.993
But just think about it.

389
00:23:03.033 --> 00:23:08.538
Like you have maybe a normal job and you have a paycheck that's pretty much almost.

390
00:23:08.578 --> 00:23:11.741
I know nothing is guaranteed, but it just keeps coming every two weeks.

391
00:23:12.061 --> 00:23:16.845
But God called me into full-time ministry where in the beginning, we started in 02.

392
00:23:16.885 --> 00:23:19.067
I didn't get my first paycheck and it was $1,000 a month until 2006.

393
00:23:21.897 --> 00:23:25.344
And so I always felt like I was walking on water.

394
00:23:25.945 --> 00:23:29.792
And, you know, when you're in full-time ministry, you have to believe God for finances.

395
00:23:30.053 --> 00:23:31.956
Like, how do you think we make budget every time?

396
00:23:31.976 --> 00:23:32.317
Right.

397
00:23:33.035 --> 00:23:34.296
I have to believe God for it.

398
00:23:34.616 --> 00:23:36.018
The staff believes God for it.

399
00:23:36.278 --> 00:23:40.862
That means we're actually praying and we're thanking God for a met budget even when it's not met.

400
00:23:40.922 --> 00:23:44.946
By the way, right now, we're like $120,000 below budget for the year.

401
00:23:44.966 --> 00:23:46.047
I haven't even said that all year.

402
00:23:46.307 --> 00:23:47.968
I don't even say that when we receive the offering.

403
00:23:47.988 --> 00:23:52.052
I never go, oh, you know, you guys, come on.

404
00:23:53.773 --> 00:23:54.454
We're $120,000 in the red.

405
00:23:54.474 --> 00:23:55.415
We're $120,000 in the red.

406
00:23:58.614 --> 00:24:03.098
But we're believing that by December 3-1, we're going to be in the black.

407
00:24:03.738 --> 00:24:04.399
Hallelujah.

408
00:24:04.799 --> 00:24:05.460
So you got to believe.

409
00:24:05.560 --> 00:24:12.925
So the whole time I'm believing, but that can get, at least for me at times, over two decades, exhausting.

410
00:24:13.786 --> 00:24:18.230
And so in my mind, I just thought, you know, if I had a little bit of money.

411
00:24:19.170 --> 00:24:20.091
All right, not a little bit.

412
00:24:20.111 --> 00:24:20.892
Lord, a lot of bit.

413
00:24:20.912 --> 00:24:21.012
Amen.

414
00:24:22.580 --> 00:24:28.730
this one great stress, this one great source of anxiety will be lifted from my life.

415
00:24:30.132 --> 00:24:36.562
And so, and many of you knew me personally when I was living check to check.

416
00:24:38.887 --> 00:24:42.512
When I shared in the first service, you know, because sometimes I'll say I'm broke.

417
00:24:42.612 --> 00:24:44.154
Broke means different things to different people.

418
00:24:44.414 --> 00:24:46.838
I wasn't ever like broke, broke, broke.

419
00:24:47.278 --> 00:24:51.704
But like, you know, we had to time when we bought like daily essentials.

420
00:24:52.245 --> 00:24:53.026
We never lacked.

421
00:24:53.286 --> 00:24:54.187
We never ever lacked.

422
00:24:54.548 --> 00:24:56.470
But like if I'm coming to the end of my deodorant.

423
00:24:57.086 --> 00:24:59.329
Like, I'm like, oh, man, I need to stretch this out another week.

424
00:24:59.890 --> 00:25:01.312
And I would use that deodorant.

425
00:25:01.332 --> 00:25:02.954
I don't know how many of you do this until it's scraped.

426
00:25:02.974 --> 00:25:04.336
The plastic is scraping.

427
00:25:04.376 --> 00:25:05.357
I'm like, get every.

428
00:25:05.798 --> 00:25:09.323
And then I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to pick out, you know, because some of it gets, pick out there.

429
00:25:09.683 --> 00:25:10.665
Yeah, get it all.

430
00:25:10.965 --> 00:25:12.227
I'm not wasting that stuff.

431
00:25:15.897 --> 00:25:18.500
Stretch out the shampoo, stretch out all that.

432
00:25:18.920 --> 00:25:20.902
And now, if you come to my house, you know what?

433
00:25:20.942 --> 00:25:22.964
You're going to see, I have a walk-in closet.

434
00:25:23.024 --> 00:25:25.346
It's stacks of deodorant, stacks of soap.

435
00:25:25.667 --> 00:25:32.794
I got, like, if there ever was, like, a total lockdown and whatever, I'm going to have the cleanest smelling house in all of New York State.

436
00:25:34.953 --> 00:25:37.855
So it was always tight, and I thought maybe a big thing of money.

437
00:25:38.536 --> 00:25:43.580
And we moved out to Nassau County by faith, got a house by faith.

438
00:25:43.600 --> 00:25:48.784
We've been debt free for over 10 plus years, but got a mortgage that was too high for us by faith.

439
00:25:49.184 --> 00:26:00.694
And we had these couple of friends through Victor's school, and we were on a boat over Nassau County, somewhere in the Long Island Sound, and I'm looking over at the coastline, there's all these 10, 15, $20 million houses.

440
00:26:02.435 --> 00:26:04.276
And the man who owns the boat is right next to me.

441
00:26:04.297 --> 00:26:05.137
We're both being men.

442
00:26:05.698 --> 00:26:06.398
And we're both looking.

443
00:26:06.898 --> 00:26:12.383
And I, because I'm feeling, and that was particularly, I was feeling the anxiety of finances.

444
00:26:12.403 --> 00:26:17.407
And I go, out loud, sometimes your inside thoughts should stay your inside thoughts.

445
00:26:18.327 --> 00:26:19.548
But again, I'm from the Balkans.

446
00:26:19.588 --> 00:26:21.229
That always seems to make it outside.

447
00:26:22.550 --> 00:26:24.452
We got some kind of chip missing or added.

448
00:26:24.512 --> 00:26:24.892
I don't know.

449
00:26:25.473 --> 00:26:30.997
But out loud, I just say, what must it be like to have all that money?

450
00:26:32.390 --> 00:26:34.931
because I don't know anyone with money like that.

451
00:26:35.371 --> 00:26:40.513
Because I noticed that people with money like that don't like to hang out with brokies like I was.

452
00:26:43.014 --> 00:26:47.556
But he was somewhere in between me and those $15 million guys.

453
00:26:47.576 --> 00:26:50.077
He had a boat, I'm on his boat, and he had money.

454
00:26:52.798 --> 00:26:55.359
And he immediately says, I know exactly what it's like for them.

455
00:26:55.619 --> 00:26:58.300
It's exactly how it is for me and you, except with money.

456
00:26:59.278 --> 00:27:03.780
Like he says, they have the same fears and anxieties we have, just with money on top.

457
00:27:03.980 --> 00:27:05.240
But yeah, I didn't believe him.

458
00:27:05.521 --> 00:27:09.342
I'm like, that sounds like something people with money would say.

459
00:27:11.083 --> 00:27:15.225
Like you forgot what it's like to be me, so don't be telling me it's the same except with money.

460
00:27:16.245 --> 00:27:19.226
How about we trade places for a year, then tell me what the answer is.

461
00:27:19.726 --> 00:27:22.528
But anyway, and then Bitcoin hit.

462
00:27:22.908 --> 00:27:25.889
And then our financial lives got absolutely transformed.

463
00:27:26.769 --> 00:27:28.410
And I found out he was right.

464
00:27:29.757 --> 00:27:35.204
Because what I wanted, what I wanted was a problem-free life.

465
00:27:36.445 --> 00:27:47.639
And then, to my both chagrin and then eventual delight, eventual, I found out that while I'm on this side of heaven, problems will come.

466
00:27:48.892 --> 00:27:49.813
Rivers will come.

467
00:27:50.073 --> 00:27:51.654
Waters will pass over my head.

468
00:27:52.254 --> 00:27:53.735
I'll have to walk through the fire.

469
00:27:54.355 --> 00:27:57.977
He didn't say I wouldn't have to walk through the fire, but he'd deliver me from being burnt.

470
00:27:58.457 --> 00:28:02.739
He didn't say the waters wouldn't pass over my head, but he said miraculously, I won't drown.

471
00:28:04.260 --> 00:28:14.946
But just as an aside, what I wanted, which later the Lord convicted me of, because I spent 20 plus years so dependent on the Lord, like I'm always living, Lord, if you don't come through, I'm finished.

472
00:28:16.335 --> 00:28:22.961
Living like that, and what I secretly wanted, I didn't admit it to anyone, was to not be dependent on the Lord anymore.

473
00:28:26.865 --> 00:28:28.886
Thankfully, he never showed me what that's like.

474
00:28:29.807 --> 00:28:32.329
Thankfully, I still need him like the air that I breathe.

475
00:28:33.771 --> 00:28:39.516
And so if you're dreaming of a problem-free life, I'm going to play that Aerosmith song for you.

476
00:28:39.556 --> 00:28:40.076
Dream on.

477
00:28:41.418 --> 00:28:42.579
Keep dreaming and dream on.

478
00:28:43.642 --> 00:28:44.683
Stuff is going to happen.

479
00:28:44.703 --> 00:28:45.604
Stuff is going to come.

480
00:28:46.665 --> 00:28:49.548
At the very least, irritations will abound.

481
00:28:51.850 --> 00:28:54.613
At the very least, frustrations will overflow.

482
00:28:55.454 --> 00:28:56.996
And yeah, problems will come.

483
00:28:57.496 --> 00:29:03.923
And so we better learn real quick how to have joy in the midst of the crappery.

484
00:29:10.107 --> 00:29:11.428
And one more time, let me just read it.

485
00:29:11.448 --> 00:29:13.590
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you.

486
00:29:13.690 --> 00:29:15.832
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.

487
00:29:16.192 --> 00:29:18.594
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burnt.

488
00:29:18.914 --> 00:29:22.337
For I am the Lord your God.

489
00:29:22.957 --> 00:29:24.439
Not for I am the Lord God.

490
00:29:24.919 --> 00:29:26.480
Not for I am the Lord a God.

491
00:29:27.021 --> 00:29:29.263
But you've got to get this personal for yourself.

492
00:29:29.823 --> 00:29:30.444
This is key.

493
00:29:30.664 --> 00:29:32.606
I am the Lord, your God.

494
00:29:33.086 --> 00:29:34.687
You got to make it real for yourself.

495
00:29:35.148 --> 00:29:37.210
David didn't say the Lord is a shepherd.

496
00:29:37.470 --> 00:29:39.071
He personalized it for himself.

497
00:29:39.392 --> 00:29:41.914
He said the Lord is my shepherd.

498
00:29:44.516 --> 00:29:47.118
He didn't say then the Lord is a shepherd.

499
00:29:47.419 --> 00:29:48.299
People don't want.

500
00:29:48.680 --> 00:29:50.862
The Lord is my shepherd.

501
00:29:50.882 --> 00:29:51.863
I shall not want.

502
00:29:52.263 --> 00:29:56.687
By the way, when God gave me revelation of the scripture, it was like the third week of the launch of City Light Church.

503
00:29:59.158 --> 00:30:03.679
And the scripture, when I was jogging and praying, the scripture came to me.

504
00:30:03.919 --> 00:30:05.599
And I would jog when I'd feel so stressed.

505
00:30:06.280 --> 00:30:10.520
I'm now three weeks into a church plant that in the natural was doomed to failure.

506
00:30:11.381 --> 00:30:13.161
I went for a stress-relieving jog.

507
00:30:13.521 --> 00:30:16.102
I'm like, Lord, the Lord is my shepherd.

508
00:30:16.382 --> 00:30:17.022
I shall not want.

509
00:30:17.082 --> 00:30:19.983
And then immediately I thought, yeah, but I know Christians who do want.

510
00:30:20.523 --> 00:30:21.003
They do lack.

511
00:30:21.023 --> 00:30:22.003
Want is a word for lack.

512
00:30:24.205 --> 00:30:27.029
And the Lord, you know, sometimes he gently rebukes you.

513
00:30:27.590 --> 00:30:28.912
And sometimes he arrests you.

514
00:30:29.312 --> 00:30:31.916
I like when he arrests you, when he like rattles your bones from within.

515
00:30:33.479 --> 00:30:34.380
And I'm, hey, look.

516
00:30:34.620 --> 00:30:38.666
And it was like, are you you or are you them?

517
00:30:39.552 --> 00:30:41.133
You don't know where they're at.

518
00:30:41.373 --> 00:30:42.753
You don't know what they're saying.

519
00:30:42.994 --> 00:30:44.254
You don't know what they're believing.

520
00:30:44.494 --> 00:30:45.655
You don't know where their faith is.

521
00:30:45.895 --> 00:30:48.916
And you can't be responsible for this invisible crowd that you're thinking of.

522
00:30:49.276 --> 00:30:50.797
But you can be responsible for you.

523
00:30:51.197 --> 00:30:57.340
And if you believe this, this is what the Lord communicated to me in .01 seconds with a, just a divine arrest.

524
00:30:58.832 --> 00:31:03.494
You can be responsible for you, and you can appropriate the truth of this verse for yourself.

525
00:31:03.935 --> 00:31:08.237
That I'm your shepherd, and you, if you believe it, you will not want.

526
00:31:08.617 --> 00:31:13.079
So God will manifest himself to the person who will say, you're my shepherd.

527
00:31:13.359 --> 00:31:14.700
I don't know about Timmy.

528
00:31:15.040 --> 00:31:16.421
I don't know about Susie.

529
00:31:16.741 --> 00:31:18.021
Oh, I don't know about Michelle.

530
00:31:18.402 --> 00:31:21.763
But I shall not want.

531
00:31:22.043 --> 00:31:23.024
Hallelujah.

532
00:31:23.764 --> 00:31:24.665
Hallelujah.

533
00:31:26.105 --> 00:31:27.126
I shall not want.

534
00:31:28.802 --> 00:31:29.642
Thank you, Lord.

535
00:31:29.822 --> 00:31:32.724
Psalm 34, 17 through 19.

536
00:31:34.525 --> 00:31:41.208
How many of you in this service heard the story about me going to the hospital?

537
00:31:42.969 --> 00:31:44.249
Honestly, I gotta see hands.

538
00:31:44.730 --> 00:31:45.410
Let me see your hands.

539
00:31:47.131 --> 00:31:47.411
Okay.

540
00:31:47.951 --> 00:31:48.912
You guys did now, huh?

541
00:31:49.012 --> 00:31:49.332
All right.

542
00:31:49.892 --> 00:31:50.732
Very honest of you.

543
00:31:51.553 --> 00:31:52.954
All right, less than half still.

544
00:31:55.555 --> 00:31:55.815
Which...

545
00:31:58.120 --> 00:31:59.321
I just do that for me to know.

546
00:31:59.421 --> 00:32:01.482
If all your hands went up, I'd still tell the story.

547
00:32:03.844 --> 00:32:05.405
Because it's an important story.

548
00:32:06.445 --> 00:32:09.487
It was so painful for me at first to share, but it gets easier every time.

549
00:32:09.527 --> 00:32:12.849
And it's only painful because, you know, I do feel like Ezekiel.

550
00:32:12.909 --> 00:32:16.812
Ezekiel had to walk around Israel with his rear parts exposed, the Bible says.

551
00:32:17.172 --> 00:32:18.072
Like his butt was showing.

552
00:32:18.813 --> 00:32:21.775
And when I preach like this, I feel like that's me.

553
00:32:22.155 --> 00:32:24.836
Like my pants drop to my knees and there's my butt all pale.

554
00:32:24.856 --> 00:32:26.898
Just look...

555
00:32:28.408 --> 00:32:30.149
I'd say sorry for the visual, but I'd be lying.

556
00:32:30.169 --> 00:32:30.789
I'm not sorry.

557
00:32:32.270 --> 00:32:34.270
However you pictured it, it's so much worse than that.

558
00:32:38.692 --> 00:32:39.052
Hallelujah.

559
00:32:39.093 --> 00:32:43.134
Hallelujah.

560
00:32:45.755 --> 00:32:47.436
Now you're going to know why I went to the hospital.

561
00:32:51.518 --> 00:32:55.539
So I had four herniated discs.

562
00:32:55.740 --> 00:32:56.380
Now, by the way,

563
00:32:57.448 --> 00:33:01.869
I was actually hospitalized twice on two separate occasions.

564
00:33:02.269 --> 00:33:05.950
And sometimes when I tell the story, I just merge both of the stories together.

565
00:33:07.291 --> 00:33:08.331
Just being fully honest.

566
00:33:08.531 --> 00:33:09.891
But I don't want to get into all the need.

567
00:33:09.911 --> 00:33:11.212
Sometimes preachers do that.

568
00:33:11.232 --> 00:33:12.152
I don't want to get into all the need.

569
00:33:12.172 --> 00:33:12.912
It'll take too long.

570
00:33:13.472 --> 00:33:14.693
So you mesh the stories together.

571
00:33:14.713 --> 00:33:16.373
As long as it's honest and true, you can share it.

572
00:33:17.053 --> 00:33:21.635
But first hit was around, not around, exactly summer of 2010.

573
00:33:23.097 --> 00:33:25.118
I was diagnosed with four herniated discs.

574
00:33:25.598 --> 00:33:28.680
Back then, doctors were giving out Percocet like Tic Tacs.

575
00:33:29.741 --> 00:33:31.602
I did not know what Percocet was.

576
00:33:31.642 --> 00:33:35.564
I'd never heard of it, and it wasn't such a huge big deal back then.

577
00:33:35.624 --> 00:33:46.070
Now doctors will only prescribe it in like the most extreme cases, like stage four cancer, if you're on your way out and you want a painful journey on your way, a painless, excuse me, journey on your way out.

578
00:33:46.490 --> 00:33:50.813
But back then, four herniated discs, my chiropractor was like, oh, you need a pain management specialist.

579
00:33:51.034 --> 00:33:52.275
Go to a pain management specialist.

580
00:33:52.295 --> 00:33:54.777
He's like, touch your toes, stand against the wall, walk this line.

581
00:33:55.097 --> 00:33:55.757
Here, take this.

582
00:33:55.897 --> 00:33:56.398
It'll help you.

583
00:33:56.818 --> 00:33:58.119
Didn't tell me what this was.

584
00:33:58.459 --> 00:33:59.340
It was Percocet.

585
00:33:59.580 --> 00:34:00.961
Not the fives, but the tens.

586
00:34:01.001 --> 00:34:02.543
And the little bottle said three times a day.

587
00:34:03.003 --> 00:34:04.444
I start popping them three times a day.

588
00:34:04.744 --> 00:34:07.887
And I notice, like James Brown, I feel good.

589
00:34:09.340 --> 00:34:10.441
I feel real good.

590
00:34:11.041 --> 00:34:12.762
All of a sudden, the pain is gone.

591
00:34:13.462 --> 00:34:14.643
Why is the pain gone?

592
00:34:14.863 --> 00:34:18.305
Well, the pain isn't really gone, but now pastor's on heroin.

593
00:34:20.086 --> 00:34:28.090
So, in the family of heroin, I'm on an opiate.

594
00:34:29.951 --> 00:34:34.953
And honestly, you really want me to stay correct.

595
00:34:35.493 --> 00:34:35.894
Thank you.

596
00:34:36.214 --> 00:34:38.335
The Lord sent you as like an angelic protector.

597
00:34:41.723 --> 00:34:42.444
She was so relieved.

598
00:34:42.804 --> 00:34:43.605
She was like, yes, that's it.

599
00:34:43.645 --> 00:34:44.466
In the family of heroin.

600
00:34:44.486 --> 00:34:45.147
That's what she was saying.

601
00:34:45.187 --> 00:34:45.507
Family.

602
00:34:45.767 --> 00:34:46.708
Say it again, pastor.

603
00:34:47.169 --> 00:34:50.272
Because someone's going to take that thing online and just clip it.

604
00:34:52.915 --> 00:34:54.116
And to them, I'd say, I don't care.

605
00:35:00.763 --> 00:35:02.105
They'll just think it's an AI video.

606
00:35:04.086 --> 00:35:05.447
See, some people feel threatened by AI.

607
00:35:05.527 --> 00:35:06.267
It set me free.

608
00:35:07.208 --> 00:35:12.131
If you ever see a video and I'm like saying something I shouldn't be saying, it's not me, it's AI.

609
00:35:16.473 --> 00:35:18.074
Nobody can ever blackmail me now.

610
00:35:18.694 --> 00:35:19.435
That wasn't me.

611
00:35:20.015 --> 00:35:20.776
That was AI.

612
00:35:28.080 --> 00:35:31.402
The first thing I notice is in the midst of feeling good, like around week one,

613
00:35:32.052 --> 00:35:35.433
Because normal medication, you can, you know, it says three times a day.

614
00:35:35.453 --> 00:35:37.214
Well, you can decide how to spread it out.

615
00:35:37.754 --> 00:35:40.855
And I'm out of the house, and I notice my stomach is cramping, and I'm in pain.

616
00:35:41.475 --> 00:35:42.215
So I rush back.

617
00:35:42.735 --> 00:35:43.635
I notice I take the pill.

618
00:35:44.176 --> 00:35:45.296
I'm not just not in pain.

619
00:35:45.916 --> 00:35:46.656
I feel good.

620
00:35:47.877 --> 00:35:49.537
So this continues several weeks.

621
00:35:49.577 --> 00:35:51.998
I go back to the doctor, and I start talking to him.

622
00:35:52.018 --> 00:35:54.859
I'm like, yeah, you know, I started cramping.

623
00:35:54.899 --> 00:35:56.299
He's like, oh, that's the withdrawal symptoms.

624
00:35:56.799 --> 00:35:57.860
I go, withdrawal symptoms?

625
00:35:58.280 --> 00:36:00.541
He's like, well, yeah, you're probably addicted at this point.

626
00:36:00.921 --> 00:36:01.661
And I said, huh?

627
00:36:03.440 --> 00:36:04.601
I was like, I don't want to be addicted.

628
00:36:04.621 --> 00:36:08.243
So then for the first time, I Googled what I'm actually taking.

629
00:36:08.964 --> 00:36:13.166
And I was like, what?

630
00:36:13.186 --> 00:36:17.949
So I stopped after the summer, after about two and a half, three months.

631
00:36:18.530 --> 00:36:20.971
And when I stopped, I just stopped.

632
00:36:21.171 --> 00:36:21.812
Cold turkey.

633
00:36:22.172 --> 00:36:26.375
The doctor didn't tell me what he was giving me, and he didn't tell me how to stop correctly.

634
00:36:26.795 --> 00:36:29.897
He never told me I'm supposed to wean off.

635
00:36:30.885 --> 00:36:33.148
It was like in, out, with a bunch of pills.

636
00:36:33.188 --> 00:36:39.014
By the way, there's a Netflix movie, man, with Matthew Broderick and the DuPont family.

637
00:36:39.635 --> 00:36:41.797
Anybody know the name, Payne something?

638
00:36:43.239 --> 00:36:46.623
Please, if you ever want to know more about what I went through, watch that movie.

639
00:36:46.643 --> 00:36:49.406
It's a four-part series or three-part series on Netflix.

640
00:36:49.686 --> 00:36:50.848
I'm watching it, and I'm going...

641
00:36:52.296 --> 00:36:53.096
That was my life.

642
00:36:53.296 --> 00:36:54.717
That's exactly what I went through.

643
00:36:55.137 --> 00:36:56.517
And so I decided to quit.

644
00:36:57.258 --> 00:37:01.519
And bless God, I quit without issues, except I shouldn't have quit that way.

645
00:37:02.059 --> 00:37:05.721
Because after three months of being on it, my brain got altered.

646
00:37:06.241 --> 00:37:10.742
And it was producing serotonin and dopamine with an outside chemical catalyst.

647
00:37:11.183 --> 00:37:18.085
Now that catalyst was removed, and my brain forgot how to produce the happy chemicals of serotonin and dopamine.

648
00:37:18.485 --> 00:37:21.646
So I started falling and falling and falling.

649
00:37:21.906 --> 00:37:24.686
I started to notice first at all, I didn't feel like doing anything.

650
00:37:25.066 --> 00:37:26.006
Everything seemed bleak.

651
00:37:26.426 --> 00:37:28.007
Everything seemed dark.

652
00:37:28.527 --> 00:37:30.587
And then I thought it can't get any worse than this.

653
00:37:30.707 --> 00:37:31.467
It got way worse.

654
00:37:31.787 --> 00:37:32.967
I thought it couldn't get worse than that.

655
00:37:33.048 --> 00:37:35.768
I did not know there were still 10 more levels of worse.

656
00:37:36.108 --> 00:37:38.528
Instead of glory to glory, it was from worse to worse.

657
00:37:39.949 --> 00:37:43.109
And I learned a lot about depression because that's what I was in.

658
00:37:43.209 --> 00:37:47.390
Severe depression, which always comes with its ugly, nasty cousin anxiety.

659
00:37:48.631 --> 00:37:51.133
I always had severe anxiety, severe depression.

660
00:37:51.153 --> 00:37:52.234
Now look, this is my story.

661
00:37:52.294 --> 00:37:58.458
Later I experienced severe depression without any withdrawals from Percocet or any of that.

662
00:37:58.539 --> 00:37:59.739
It just came upon me.

663
00:38:02.041 --> 00:38:05.844
I had, by the way, never ever battled depression before in my life.

664
00:38:06.164 --> 00:38:08.786
I had used the word like a lot of people do sometimes.

665
00:38:08.806 --> 00:38:10.728
Like people go, a close friend, how are you feeling?

666
00:38:10.968 --> 00:38:12.469
Man, I've been kind of depressed lately.

667
00:38:12.949 --> 00:38:15.211
But they just use that word as a synonym for sad.

668
00:38:15.652 --> 00:38:17.073
Depression is not sadness.

669
00:38:18.024 --> 00:38:19.524
I would have loved to have felt sad.

670
00:38:19.744 --> 00:38:20.685
You don't feel sad.

671
00:38:20.985 --> 00:38:21.905
You don't feel glad.

672
00:38:22.185 --> 00:38:23.125
You feel nothing.

673
00:38:23.185 --> 00:38:24.345
Your feelings are gone.

674
00:38:24.605 --> 00:38:39.189
You actually feel like you're a little itty bitty point of light in your own giant body, and you're descending into the sunken place that gets darker and darker, and you're kind of peering out as you're falling and descending within yourself.

675
00:38:39.649 --> 00:38:40.589
And nobody knows.

676
00:38:41.249 --> 00:38:42.849
And that continued on for two more months.

677
00:38:42.889 --> 00:38:45.170
It started in about September of 2010.

678
00:38:46.917 --> 00:38:48.038
Continued on for several months.

679
00:38:48.058 --> 00:38:49.178
I went to a psychiatrist.

680
00:38:50.499 --> 00:38:55.641
The psychiatrist right here in Forest Hill severely over-medicated me.

681
00:38:56.242 --> 00:39:02.044
Because later, when I went to the hospital, they told me we were severely over-medicated.

682
00:39:02.325 --> 00:39:04.005
But I started to have suicidal thoughts.

683
00:39:05.146 --> 00:39:05.926
I didn't feel anything.

684
00:39:06.387 --> 00:39:07.587
I started to feel like I was dying.

685
00:39:07.647 --> 00:39:09.188
It was so dark and so bleak.

686
00:39:11.257 --> 00:39:14.959
And the moment I mentioned, hey, I'm having suicidal thoughts, he said, I'm writing right now.

687
00:39:14.999 --> 00:39:16.439
You need to call the hospital.

688
00:39:16.499 --> 00:39:17.239
I'll check you right in.

689
00:39:17.259 --> 00:39:21.961
By the way, when I say the hospital and put it in quotes, it's because that's a nice way of saying it.

690
00:39:22.381 --> 00:39:24.882
It was the mental health pavilion.

691
00:39:25.963 --> 00:39:26.383
Cuckoo.

692
00:39:26.723 --> 00:39:27.083
Cuckoo.

693
00:39:30.205 --> 00:39:30.985
It's funny to me now.

694
00:39:32.045 --> 00:39:33.086
It wasn't funny back then.

695
00:39:33.866 --> 00:39:35.587
Emily, you were a trooper through it all.

696
00:39:35.727 --> 00:39:36.167
Thank you.

697
00:39:37.539 --> 00:39:38.920
I learned a whole new language in there.

698
00:39:39.301 --> 00:39:47.428
They removed my shoelaces so I wouldn't hang myself, my belt so I wouldn't hang myself or hurt somebody else, and then I grew out a beard because they removed all sharps.

699
00:39:47.928 --> 00:39:50.090
And she joked with me because she said, babe, you're not shaving.

700
00:39:50.110 --> 00:39:51.211
I said, I can't have sharps in here.

701
00:39:51.752 --> 00:39:52.792
And she's like, what's that?

702
00:39:52.812 --> 00:39:53.833
I'm like, she's like, you're funny.

703
00:39:53.853 --> 00:39:55.895
You learned this whole new, like, mental hospital lingo.

704
00:39:56.296 --> 00:40:00.239
Because I kept on using words that were unique to the loony bin.

705
00:40:01.720 --> 00:40:02.281
The nut house.

706
00:40:03.362 --> 00:40:04.623
One flew over the cuckoo's nest.

707
00:40:12.329 --> 00:40:13.310
You know what I just realized?

708
00:40:13.330 --> 00:40:14.811
You never ever heard this story before.

709
00:40:14.851 --> 00:40:15.271
Have you, son?

710
00:40:15.291 --> 00:40:18.593
Is this kind of freaky for you?

711
00:40:19.954 --> 00:40:20.475
Come here, son.

712
00:40:20.715 --> 00:40:24.557
I just have one thing to say to you.

713
00:40:25.598 --> 00:40:27.059
You're not in city kids any longer.

714
00:40:27.659 --> 00:40:28.020
Have a seat.

715
00:40:32.022 --> 00:40:33.483
Keep coming to the adult service.

716
00:40:33.523 --> 00:40:35.665
You're going to see who your dad is.

717
00:40:38.242 --> 00:40:41.463
Wait till I tell you about the homicides and the gambling problem I used to have.

718
00:40:49.545 --> 00:40:50.225
Hallelujah.

719
00:40:55.226 --> 00:40:59.887
What I learned through that whole thing is that I was never forsaken.

720
00:41:00.827 --> 00:41:02.308
not even for a minute.

721
00:41:03.128 --> 00:41:08.031
What I learned is that God is good and infinitely merciful.

722
00:41:09.452 --> 00:41:11.253
I thought I was a goner.

723
00:41:12.530 --> 00:41:14.151
I thought it was finished for me.

724
00:41:14.551 --> 00:41:16.331
I thought it was finished for the church.

725
00:41:16.991 --> 00:41:19.392
Any glimmer of hope was gone.

726
00:41:19.772 --> 00:41:25.394
It was the absolute, by far, most terrifying, worst season of my life.

727
00:41:26.254 --> 00:41:27.415
I remember that song.

728
00:41:27.695 --> 00:41:29.835
Remember that song by Gnarls Barkley, Crazy?

729
00:41:30.155 --> 00:41:30.796
I remember when.

730
00:41:31.116 --> 00:41:31.716
I remember when.

731
00:41:33.516 --> 00:41:34.997
Even my emotions had an echo.

732
00:41:35.745 --> 00:41:38.787
And then I thought, man, that guy described mental illness so well.

733
00:41:39.508 --> 00:41:41.269
He described losing it so well.

734
00:41:41.289 --> 00:41:41.969
Guess how it would feel?

735
00:41:42.530 --> 00:41:43.250
Every emotion.

736
00:41:43.270 --> 00:41:46.412
Like I couldn't even watch TV because it would set me off in panic.

737
00:41:47.413 --> 00:41:48.714
So I had to sit there in silence.

738
00:41:48.734 --> 00:41:55.438
Because even like a regular commercial, like even a commercial with a song, 1-800-CARS-4-KIDS.

739
00:41:56.039 --> 00:41:57.300
Like, oh!

740
00:42:00.366 --> 00:42:02.047
By the way, I share this.

741
00:42:02.807 --> 00:42:03.807
Energy is always funny.

742
00:42:03.847 --> 00:42:05.108
That's why I crack so many jokes.

743
00:42:05.168 --> 00:42:06.408
People seem to get uncomfortable.

744
00:42:06.928 --> 00:42:11.209
And like clockwork, so many people afterwards thank me saying, thank you for sharing that.

745
00:42:11.409 --> 00:42:16.791
Because then I understood, wow, I kind of lived a sheltered life, really a pretty good life.

746
00:42:17.271 --> 00:42:19.152
And I started to have to go through something.

747
00:42:19.512 --> 00:42:21.653
And then I could relate because people are hurting.

748
00:42:21.733 --> 00:42:22.593
People are in pain.

749
00:42:22.853 --> 00:42:26.534
And somebody here needs to know that you could be, I mean, how much lower can you get?

750
00:42:26.794 --> 00:42:28.395
You're pastoring a church.

751
00:42:29.377 --> 00:42:32.659
You should be a shining example of wholeness and health.

752
00:42:33.039 --> 00:42:35.941
And instead, it's not like I got a little, I needed six stitches.

753
00:42:36.322 --> 00:42:37.823
I'm in the mental hospital.

754
00:42:39.604 --> 00:42:41.545
And God redeemed me from that.

755
00:42:41.905 --> 00:42:43.386
And God healed me of that.

756
00:42:43.707 --> 00:42:44.467
And touched me.

757
00:42:45.688 --> 00:42:46.589
And gave me peace.

758
00:42:48.030 --> 00:42:52.813
And I got, this is good for you, I got the, what do you call those documents when you leave a place?

759
00:42:53.353 --> 00:42:54.474
You know, like, what?

760
00:42:54.494 --> 00:42:54.594
What?

761
00:42:55.834 --> 00:42:58.416
The discharge, the discharge paper signed.

762
00:42:58.796 --> 00:43:03.219
So if anybody ever tells you, no, your pastor's crazy, I'll send you a PDF of the discharge.

763
00:43:03.239 --> 00:43:04.160
You can say, no, he's not.

764
00:43:04.760 --> 00:43:05.581
See, he's out now.

765
00:43:06.321 --> 00:43:06.802
He's good.

766
00:43:10.865 --> 00:43:13.506
Oh, that was also, I could read Psalm 34, 17.

767
00:43:16.128 --> 00:43:16.869
He's with you.

768
00:43:17.229 --> 00:43:17.889
He's with you.

769
00:43:17.929 --> 00:43:18.550
He's with you.

770
00:43:18.730 --> 00:43:22.353
In those dark moments, for a few moments, I thought I was forsaken.

771
00:43:22.853 --> 00:43:23.874
I thought he wasn't with me.

772
00:43:24.747 --> 00:43:28.489
And then I found out that really footprints in the sand is actually great theology.

773
00:43:29.589 --> 00:43:31.450
Anybody here doesn't know what footprints in the sand is?

774
00:43:33.471 --> 00:43:34.412
No one's going to raise their hand.

775
00:43:36.853 --> 00:43:38.253
Real quick, footprints in the sand.

776
00:43:39.734 --> 00:43:42.536
Go to any bathroom of any Christian house in Long Island, it'll be there.

777
00:43:44.256 --> 00:43:48.398
In the bathroom, wooden plaque, a lot of gold embossed.

778
00:43:50.900 --> 00:43:51.760
Next to a little tray.

779
00:43:53.232 --> 00:43:59.998
Decorator soap, probably pink, rose oil, seashell shaped.

780
00:44:01.540 --> 00:44:04.622
Layer of dust over it, because you're not supposed to use that soap, no one does.

781
00:44:05.623 --> 00:44:11.889
What you are supposed to use is a bottle of 99 cent dial from the dollar store.

782
00:44:15.973 --> 00:44:17.134
And footprints in the sand.

783
00:44:18.528 --> 00:44:23.332
just tells the story of a man walking a beach, and he sees his journey of life, all the footprints.

784
00:44:24.093 --> 00:44:29.257
He's walking with Jesus, and he sees two tracks, two sets of footprints.

785
00:44:30.038 --> 00:44:31.179
One is his, one is the Lord's.

786
00:44:31.659 --> 00:44:34.182
But then he notices at times there's just one track of footprints.

787
00:44:34.942 --> 00:44:37.825
And he goes, Lord, I notice this is through the most difficult times of my life.

788
00:44:38.285 --> 00:44:39.747
Why did I walk those times alone?

789
00:44:40.507 --> 00:44:44.511
And the Lord puts his hand on his shoulder and says, Son, it was then that I carried you.

790
00:44:45.555 --> 00:44:49.958
And that was all just a cute little plaque I saw in every single Christian bathroom ever.

791
00:44:51.059 --> 00:44:52.780
It went from being that to a real reality.

792
00:44:52.860 --> 00:44:54.061
Lord, you're with me.

793
00:44:55.322 --> 00:44:57.763
Like I'm in the, I can't say it any other way.

794
00:44:57.783 --> 00:44:58.764
I'm in the nuthouse.

795
00:44:59.885 --> 00:45:05.769
I'm looking around and I'm going, like my enemies must be so delighted right now.

796
00:45:05.789 --> 00:45:09.131
This is where, so what's my story gonna be?

797
00:45:09.411 --> 00:45:15.095
I got saved at 16, forsook everything for the call, launched the church in New York City, and then ended up,

798
00:45:17.810 --> 00:45:19.611
In the mental health pavilion.

799
00:45:20.231 --> 00:45:21.612
And then what's the next story?

800
00:45:21.652 --> 00:45:23.113
I'm broke living under a bridge.

801
00:45:24.994 --> 00:45:26.014
None of that ever happened.

802
00:45:26.955 --> 00:45:27.215
Why?

803
00:45:28.216 --> 00:45:28.916
Because he's good.

804
00:45:29.817 --> 00:45:30.537
And he's with me.

805
00:45:31.277 --> 00:45:31.918
And he's with you.

806
00:45:32.738 --> 00:45:36.180
And he will not allow his holy one, that's you, to suffer corruption.

807
00:45:37.321 --> 00:45:37.641
Oh no.

808
00:45:38.821 --> 00:45:40.222
And he's not done writing your story.

809
00:45:40.903 --> 00:45:41.703
And he will show up.

810
00:45:42.383 --> 00:45:43.384
You say, it doesn't feel like it.

811
00:45:43.584 --> 00:45:44.525
Yeah, I know.

812
00:45:45.045 --> 00:45:46.926
That's exactly when he'll show up.

813
00:45:48.499 --> 00:45:49.819
He's full of surprises.

814
00:45:50.320 --> 00:45:52.820
That's why you'll find that word suddenly all throughout the Bible.

815
00:45:52.880 --> 00:45:53.300
Suddenly.

816
00:45:53.720 --> 00:45:53.961
Suddenly.

817
00:45:53.981 --> 00:45:54.621
We just read that.

818
00:45:54.661 --> 00:45:55.941
You know, we're bored and low energy.

819
00:45:55.961 --> 00:46:00.142
So we're like, and suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind.

820
00:46:00.422 --> 00:46:01.683
It's more like suddenly.

821
00:46:01.703 --> 00:46:03.483
Boom.

822
00:46:04.003 --> 00:46:05.044
He'll surprise you.

823
00:46:05.844 --> 00:46:12.326
Jehovah sneaky will come at 1159 and just shock you and show up and show out.

824
00:46:12.406 --> 00:46:13.086
Hallelujah.

825
00:46:14.034 --> 00:46:20.518
The righteous cry out and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.

826
00:46:21.098 --> 00:46:24.860
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart.

827
00:46:25.200 --> 00:46:27.361
You say, I don't feel that way.

828
00:46:27.441 --> 00:46:28.562
You know why you don't feel that way?

829
00:46:28.742 --> 00:46:30.243
Because you have a broken heart.

830
00:46:31.163 --> 00:46:32.624
It doesn't mean he's not near you.

831
00:46:33.084 --> 00:46:37.587
But when your heart is broken and pain comes with a loud bullhorn screaming in your ear,

832
00:46:39.110 --> 00:46:41.212
You're not going to maybe sense his presence.

833
00:46:41.452 --> 00:46:43.514
And you'll feel distant and isolated.

834
00:46:43.794 --> 00:46:45.175
But he is near you.

835
00:46:45.235 --> 00:46:46.316
It's a biblical fact.

836
00:46:46.736 --> 00:46:49.058
And I just have to make a stubborn choice.

837
00:46:49.378 --> 00:46:51.900
That I'm always going to believe the Bible over my feelings.

838
00:46:52.761 --> 00:46:53.802
Every single time.

839
00:46:55.363 --> 00:46:57.885
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart.

840
00:46:58.446 --> 00:47:02.949
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

841
00:47:03.590 --> 00:47:05.031
What's a contrite spirit?

842
00:47:06.152 --> 00:47:07.473
It's a spirit that too is...

843
00:47:09.505 --> 00:47:11.706
It's somber in a healthy way.

844
00:47:12.567 --> 00:47:13.527
It's humble.

845
00:47:16.229 --> 00:47:18.310
A contrite spirit is not puffed up.

846
00:47:19.910 --> 00:47:21.051
The nose isn't in the air.

847
00:47:21.952 --> 00:47:25.033
A contrite spirit is meekly clinging to the Lord.

848
00:47:26.514 --> 00:47:30.496
There's a hard attitude of, Lord, my faith is in you, my trust is in you.

849
00:47:33.876 --> 00:47:34.717
I rely on you.

850
00:47:34.737 --> 00:47:40.842
And by the way, when I say my faith is in you, which I said many times, that's never nice and clean.

851
00:47:41.122 --> 00:47:43.704
It's always messy, dirty, and sloppy.

852
00:47:44.204 --> 00:47:48.008
The best example of it in the New Testament is when Jesus tells that man,

853
00:47:49.036 --> 00:47:50.817
All things are possible to him that believes.

854
00:47:51.058 --> 00:47:52.298
And he says, Lord, I believe.

855
00:47:52.579 --> 00:47:54.020
Help thou mine unbelief.

856
00:47:54.900 --> 00:47:56.462
That's the sloppiness of faith.

857
00:47:56.802 --> 00:48:00.304
So when I say I clung in faith, it doesn't mean the man never, ever wavered.

858
00:48:00.805 --> 00:48:05.188
I was being beaten left and right, bashed all around.

859
00:48:05.528 --> 00:48:07.890
So of course there's some times when I don't believe.

860
00:48:07.910 --> 00:48:10.792
How many times have I said stupid things in your presence?

861
00:48:11.333 --> 00:48:11.593
Say lots.

862
00:48:11.613 --> 00:48:11.893
Lots.

863
00:48:12.313 --> 00:48:12.593
Lots.

864
00:48:14.565 --> 00:48:14.985
Lots.

865
00:48:15.385 --> 00:48:16.186
Like lots and lots?

866
00:48:16.206 --> 00:48:17.186
Yeah, lots and lots.

867
00:48:17.246 --> 00:48:19.167
Too many times?

868
00:48:19.247 --> 00:48:19.947
Too many times.

869
00:48:27.070 --> 00:48:31.032
I wanted her to say something, but she just, like, delighted in it a little.

870
00:48:32.452 --> 00:48:33.353
But all right, anyway.

871
00:48:34.733 --> 00:48:35.474
Keep preaching, Bo.

872
00:48:35.514 --> 00:48:36.014
Keep preaching.

873
00:48:36.574 --> 00:48:37.294
The Lord's got you.

874
00:48:37.314 --> 00:48:38.635
He'll never leave you nor forsake you.

875
00:48:40.727 --> 00:48:47.668
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.

876
00:48:48.829 --> 00:48:56.330
Afflictions are going to come, but the Lord who is with you and who won't leave you or forsake you, he is a deliverer and he will deliver you.

877
00:48:56.370 --> 00:48:57.130
Yes, he will.

878
00:48:58.411 --> 00:48:59.871
It doesn't matter what they say.

879
00:49:00.391 --> 00:49:02.652
It doesn't matter what the devil is whispering to you.

880
00:49:02.672 --> 00:49:04.672
Do you know what your fears are?

881
00:49:05.032 --> 00:49:07.573
Your fears are actually Satan's wish list.

882
00:49:08.013 --> 00:49:08.753
I'll say it again.

883
00:49:09.818 --> 00:49:15.741
The fears that you keep hearing, that's actually Satan's wish list for your life.

884
00:49:16.221 --> 00:49:22.024
And when you then embrace those fears, some people embrace them so much those fears become a part of their identity.

885
00:49:22.424 --> 00:49:25.005
You are welcoming Satan and his wish list.

886
00:49:25.706 --> 00:49:27.707
And you're saying, yeah, come on in with that.

887
00:49:27.827 --> 00:49:28.327
Do that.

888
00:49:29.997 --> 00:49:31.918
Yeah, that's why you got to shun.

889
00:49:31.998 --> 00:49:32.938
Fear is no joke.

890
00:49:33.018 --> 00:49:34.019
Fear is not a game.

891
00:49:34.699 --> 00:49:36.060
Do not indulge in fear.

892
00:49:36.460 --> 00:49:37.740
Do not play around with fear.

893
00:49:38.281 --> 00:49:39.181
Resist fear.

894
00:49:39.221 --> 00:49:44.943
That's why the Bible says 365 times, fear not, fear not, fear not.

895
00:49:45.224 --> 00:49:46.244
This isn't optional.

896
00:49:47.044 --> 00:49:49.505
Everybody wants to talk about Job and what Job suffered.

897
00:49:49.906 --> 00:49:59.630
But as soon as he lost everything, this is what he said, the thing that I feared has come upon me and that which I was afraid of has occurred unto me.

898
00:50:00.612 --> 00:50:03.434
That means all that, what's the word I used before?

899
00:50:03.514 --> 00:50:03.994
Crappery?

900
00:50:06.596 --> 00:50:08.778
Somebody quickly trademark that under City Light Church.

901
00:50:10.519 --> 00:50:18.084
All that crappery, he lost his sons, all his wealth, his livestock, his house, his lands.

902
00:50:18.704 --> 00:50:23.628
And when he lost all of that, he said, the thing that I was afraid of, that means he already saw that and was afraid of it.

903
00:50:24.508 --> 00:50:26.450
He already pictured a bleak, you ready?

904
00:50:27.250 --> 00:50:28.891
And that's exactly how it happened.

905
00:50:28.911 --> 00:50:29.412
Do you know...

906
00:50:30.338 --> 00:50:35.400
In Bible school, one of the Bible teachers knew Elvis Presley personally.

907
00:50:36.041 --> 00:50:37.381
That's the kind of Bible school I went to.

908
00:50:41.083 --> 00:50:42.723
And Elvis died at age 42.

909
00:50:43.184 --> 00:50:44.144
And he tells this story.

910
00:50:44.784 --> 00:50:51.167
He said, we heard Elvis say thousands of times, Oh, I'm never going to live past 42.

911
00:50:51.287 --> 00:50:53.688
Oh, I'm never going to live past 42.

912
00:50:53.888 --> 00:50:54.549
Sorry, it's a bad Elvis.

913
00:50:54.569 --> 00:50:55.289
It's the best I could do.

914
00:50:58.615 --> 00:50:59.796
43 ain't coming.

915
00:51:03.077 --> 00:51:03.917
He said it over.

916
00:51:03.997 --> 00:51:05.678
He was afraid and terrified of something.

917
00:51:06.979 --> 00:51:07.919
And he kept saying that.

918
00:51:08.159 --> 00:51:09.840
And he got as he believed.

919
00:51:10.380 --> 00:51:11.761
He got as he said.

920
00:51:14.302 --> 00:51:16.563
So fear is not to be indulged in.

921
00:51:17.023 --> 00:51:17.763
It's not a joke.

922
00:51:20.545 --> 00:51:24.967
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.

923
00:51:25.167 --> 00:51:25.507
Amen.

924
00:51:29.296 --> 00:51:33.579
Psalm 20, Deuteronomy 3, 31, 6.

925
00:51:36.121 --> 00:51:41.005
This was Moses' encouragement to Israel as they stood on the edge of the promised land.

926
00:51:42.226 --> 00:51:44.788
And they stood on that edge facing an uncertain future.

927
00:51:45.949 --> 00:51:47.670
And he said, be strong and of good courage.

928
00:51:47.730 --> 00:51:50.292
Do not fear nor be afraid of them.

929
00:51:50.692 --> 00:51:53.614
For the Lord your God, he is the one who goes with you.

930
00:51:53.995 --> 00:51:56.917
He will not leave you nor forsake you.

931
00:51:58.872 --> 00:52:00.013
Why don't we just say that right now?

932
00:52:00.093 --> 00:52:02.013
Shout this out loud from your gut.

933
00:52:02.774 --> 00:52:04.795
Life and death are in the power of the tongue.

934
00:52:05.135 --> 00:52:08.136
And they that love it will eat the fruit of it.

935
00:52:09.157 --> 00:52:09.517
Amen.

936
00:52:09.577 --> 00:52:10.137
Real loud.

937
00:52:10.217 --> 00:52:10.637
Say this.

938
00:52:10.978 --> 00:52:12.198
The Lord is with me.

939
00:52:13.879 --> 00:52:15.159
I am not alone.

940
00:52:16.140 --> 00:52:16.680
One more time.

941
00:52:16.720 --> 00:52:17.480
I'm not alone.

942
00:52:18.161 --> 00:52:19.161
He won't leave me.

943
00:52:19.902 --> 00:52:21.002
He won't forsake me.

944
00:52:21.602 --> 00:52:24.784
He's a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

945
00:52:26.625 --> 00:52:27.225
Amen.

946
00:52:28.909 --> 00:52:29.810
Hallelujah.

947
00:52:30.490 --> 00:52:31.692
Worship team, come on up.

948
00:52:31.732 --> 00:52:33.133
Psalm 23, 4.

949
00:52:34.614 --> 00:52:35.835
Thank you, Jesus.

950
00:52:37.197 --> 00:52:38.538
Got two more verses for you.

951
00:52:38.578 --> 00:52:40.079
Is this helping anybody this morning?

952
00:52:44.183 --> 00:52:47.767
I'm proud of you all for showing up on such a rainy day.

953
00:52:50.029 --> 00:52:54.012
I honestly thought that I'm proud of you because it was so ugly and rainy this morning.

954
00:52:54.849 --> 00:52:58.812
Like, we had to have all the lights on in the house, and half our house is made of glass, and it was so dark.

955
00:53:00.053 --> 00:53:01.935
And I was like, wow, and people are coming.

956
00:53:01.995 --> 00:53:03.817
Like, this is awesome.

957
00:53:06.299 --> 00:53:08.621
Like, I actually, like, if I were, you know, didn't have to come.

958
00:53:12.023 --> 00:53:13.224
Like, it's so nasty.

959
00:53:13.264 --> 00:53:13.985
Like, would I come?

960
00:53:17.728 --> 00:53:18.369
But I had to come.

961
00:53:19.510 --> 00:53:20.931
Because I love Pastor Mo too much.

962
00:53:24.546 --> 00:53:25.126
But you came.

963
00:53:25.506 --> 00:53:26.267
You didn't have to come.

964
00:53:27.647 --> 00:53:32.709
And you watching online, right now in your pajamas, cereal crumbs right there on your chest.

965
00:53:33.429 --> 00:53:38.151
There's therefore no shame or guilt or condemnation in Christ Jesus.

966
00:53:39.251 --> 00:53:40.072
Look, look, look, look.

967
00:53:41.012 --> 00:53:41.692
Zoom that camera in.

968
00:53:41.812 --> 00:53:44.953
Look, you took the easy way out.

969
00:53:45.654 --> 00:53:46.474
You did, you did.

970
00:53:51.630 --> 00:53:58.736
But we're going to restore you back into fellowship in a spirit of meekness, considering ourselves, lest we also be tempted.

971
00:54:00.217 --> 00:54:04.621
So there in your nice, warm home, enjoy.

972
00:54:06.283 --> 00:54:06.663
Enjoy.

973
00:54:08.464 --> 00:54:09.125
Hallelujah.

974
00:54:12.047 --> 00:54:15.931
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.

975
00:54:18.434 --> 00:54:20.475
For you are with me.

976
00:54:20.555 --> 00:54:25.036
By the way, so far, he kept referring to God in the third person.

977
00:54:25.096 --> 00:54:26.756
He would say, the Lord, the Lord.

978
00:54:26.816 --> 00:54:28.057
And he would say, the Lord is my shepherd.

979
00:54:28.077 --> 00:54:30.437
But still, he wasn't speaking directly to him.

980
00:54:30.877 --> 00:54:32.718
He was just broadly declaring him.

981
00:54:33.158 --> 00:54:41.820
But in this truth that everybody will walk through the valley of the shadow of death, he now super personalizes it and speaks directly to the Lord.

982
00:54:42.161 --> 00:54:44.301
For you are with me.

983
00:54:45.041 --> 00:54:45.501
Say that.

984
00:54:45.722 --> 00:54:46.682
For you are with me.

985
00:54:46.702 --> 00:54:47.382
For you are.

986
00:54:47.502 --> 00:54:50.164
For you are with me, your rod and your staff.

987
00:54:50.464 --> 00:54:51.565
They comfort me.

988
00:54:52.746 --> 00:54:53.727
Hallelujah.

989
00:54:54.327 --> 00:54:58.230
Man, I share my worst stories because I want you to remember them.

990
00:54:58.670 --> 00:55:01.372
And that's like my highlight reel of like my worst stories.

991
00:55:02.473 --> 00:55:05.695
But I can't tell you how many times it looked like it was curtains.

992
00:55:06.856 --> 00:55:07.757
It looked bad.

993
00:55:07.857 --> 00:55:08.577
It looked bleak.

994
00:55:09.398 --> 00:55:10.118
But God.

995
00:55:11.539 --> 00:55:13.581
And here's the crazy part.

996
00:55:15.137 --> 00:55:17.278
Each time it happened, you'd think I would have learned.

997
00:55:17.658 --> 00:55:18.498
No, God is faithful.

998
00:55:18.979 --> 00:55:23.481
But each time it happens, it's easier each time, yes, but never easy.

999
00:55:24.041 --> 00:55:27.002
Because we forget so much the miracle working power of God.

1000
00:55:27.402 --> 00:55:34.505
So you may be going through it right now, and God has already established a history with you of being good to you, but this time is different, right?

1001
00:55:35.346 --> 00:55:37.787
It's really not different, but to you, this time is different.

1002
00:55:38.867 --> 00:55:41.729
This time, man, maybe he'll get distracted by something over here.

1003
00:55:42.609 --> 00:55:44.790
There's somebody over in Asia praying extra hard.

1004
00:55:46.072 --> 00:55:50.155
Oh, something happened in Guatemala that got his attention and he forgot about you.

1005
00:55:50.235 --> 00:55:50.636
No.

1006
00:55:52.057 --> 00:55:53.658
The Lord doesn't slumber or sleep.

1007
00:55:54.338 --> 00:55:54.979
He knows you.

1008
00:55:55.039 --> 00:55:55.659
He's got you.

1009
00:55:55.739 --> 00:55:56.340
He's with you.

1010
00:55:57.201 --> 00:55:57.901
Hallelujah.

1011
00:55:59.362 --> 00:56:01.564
I will fear no evil for you are with me.

1012
00:56:01.624 --> 00:56:05.327
Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

1013
00:56:07.068 --> 00:56:08.429
Son, we're cool, right?

1014
00:56:09.270 --> 00:56:10.170
I just want to double check.

1015
00:56:10.811 --> 00:56:11.311
Like for sure?

1016
00:56:12.052 --> 00:56:12.312
Okay.

1017
00:56:12.332 --> 00:56:13.373
You still driving back with us?

1018
00:56:16.289 --> 00:56:17.070
He's good, right, babe?

1019
00:56:17.370 --> 00:56:17.630
Okay.

1020
00:56:20.112 --> 00:56:25.276
Because it's really not my fault.

1021
00:56:25.336 --> 00:56:27.678
It's just the way I'm...

1022
00:56:30.840 --> 00:56:31.741
He loves this movie.

1023
00:56:31.841 --> 00:56:32.681
What's the name of the movie?

1024
00:56:33.402 --> 00:56:33.922
Back Rooms.

1025
00:56:33.962 --> 00:56:34.963
Anybody see Back Rooms?

1026
00:56:36.324 --> 00:56:36.764
He loves it.

1027
00:56:36.784 --> 00:56:37.905
You know, so to mess with it.

1028
00:56:37.925 --> 00:56:38.586
You like it too, right?

1029
00:56:38.626 --> 00:56:38.726
Okay.

1030
00:56:40.086 --> 00:56:41.707
See, I guess anybody under 18 loves it.

1031
00:56:43.848 --> 00:56:44.708
So I watched it.

1032
00:56:44.728 --> 00:56:47.230
So now I always say to him, I go, it's not my fault.

1033
00:56:47.270 --> 00:56:50.431
It's just the way I'm wired.

1034
00:56:53.693 --> 00:56:55.474
Let's close with Matthew 28, 20.

1035
00:56:57.174 --> 00:56:58.255
Any short people here?

1036
00:57:00.616 --> 00:57:01.036
Nico.

1037
00:57:02.477 --> 00:57:02.837
Awesome.

1038
00:57:06.919 --> 00:57:07.720
No, this is great.

1039
00:57:07.740 --> 00:57:08.380
If you're short...

1040
00:57:13.003 --> 00:57:15.184
The Lord said, lo, I am with you always.

1041
00:57:15.244 --> 00:57:16.564
So he's even with you.

1042
00:57:22.507 --> 00:57:23.967
Tall people, short people.

1043
00:57:24.527 --> 00:57:25.548
He won't forsake you.

1044
00:57:28.049 --> 00:57:31.310
Teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you.

1045
00:57:31.810 --> 00:57:32.631
And short people.

1046
00:57:34.171 --> 00:57:35.452
I am with you always.

1047
00:57:36.532 --> 00:57:38.633
Even to the end of the age.

1048
00:57:39.113 --> 00:57:40.033
Hallelujah.

1049
00:57:40.914 --> 00:57:41.194
Now.

1050
00:57:42.750 --> 00:57:43.871
The anointing is here.

1051
00:57:44.571 --> 00:57:52.596
I felt an anointing and really a glimpse into the spirit and the prophetic flow that I haven't felt at this altar in a very long time.

1052
00:57:53.136 --> 00:57:55.457
It was like easy peasy to slip into.

1053
00:57:56.918 --> 00:58:02.701
And I just want to open up the altar for people to come up and receive ministry through the laying on of hands.

1054
00:58:03.322 --> 00:58:06.764
I want to lay my hands on you and release the anointing of God on you.

1055
00:58:07.934 --> 00:58:14.156
particularly, really specifically for those of you who are going through trademark it.

1056
00:58:14.796 --> 00:58:15.757
You're going through it.

1057
00:58:17.217 --> 00:58:20.838
And as you're going through it, I'm not going to say, and you're going through it and you feel forsaken.

1058
00:58:20.879 --> 00:58:26.240
Typically, if you're going through it on that kind of a level, there's a part of you that feels like, God, where are you?

1059
00:58:26.841 --> 00:58:27.981
And then you're like, no, you're with me.

1060
00:58:28.461 --> 00:58:28.881
I believe.

1061
00:58:29.281 --> 00:58:30.302
Help thou mine unbelief.

1062
00:58:30.762 --> 00:58:32.202
So the altar is open.

1063
00:58:32.342 --> 00:58:33.983
I just turned around like Batman.

1064
00:58:34.183 --> 00:58:36.544
The thing mysteriously disappeared while I was turned around.

1065
00:58:38.222 --> 00:58:39.023
Let's all stand.

1066
00:58:39.043 --> 00:58:40.163
We're going to sing this song.

1067
00:58:40.183 --> 00:58:41.644
This is one of my favorite songs.

1068
00:58:42.125 --> 00:58:44.306
This is the City Light Church Podcast.

1069
00:58:44.726 --> 00:58:54.032
If you've missed any part of today's message, or if you would like to find out more about Pastor Boyan Jancic and City Light Church, visit us at citylightnyc.com.

1070
00:58:54.332 --> 00:58:57.054
That's citylightnyc.com.

1071
00:58:57.514 --> 00:59:00.576
Feel free to visit us online or in person anytime.

1072
00:59:01.017 --> 00:59:02.558
We would love to connect with you.

1073
00:59:03.458 --> 00:59:11.061
We pray that you have been encouraged today, that you have been reminded how much God loves you, and that you are surrounded by grace.

1074
00:59:11.841 --> 00:59:12.762
Thank you for listening.

1075
00:59:13.262 --> 00:59:18.744
Make sure that you subscribe to City Light Church Podcast wherever you find your favorite podcasts worldwide.