WEBVTT 1 00:00:04.293 --> 00:00:07.002 Your children do not need you to be a perfect parent. 2 00:00:08.542 --> 00:00:10.402 They need you to be a parent that they can trust. 3 00:00:11.463 --> 00:00:13.843 Welcome to this week's episode of Living Influence. 4 00:00:14.723 --> 00:00:17.764 I'm Scott Boyd alongside my friend Bill Thrall. 5 00:00:18.444 --> 00:00:18.804 Scott. 6 00:00:19.164 --> 00:00:23.805 And this week we're going to be talking about how does grace affect my parenting. 7 00:00:24.285 --> 00:00:27.826 It's going to be a familiar theme, I think, if you've been listening to our podcast. 8 00:00:27.866 --> 00:00:31.226 But man, does it connect to our parenting. 9 00:00:31.586 --> 00:00:34.367 So grace, how does grace affect my parenting? 10 00:00:34.687 --> 00:00:35.467 Let me start here. 11 00:00:37.431 --> 00:00:45.259 I have had friends that I knew were trying to understand grace, grappling with the concept and struggling. 12 00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:57.832 And in the struggle, grace to them seemed to be something that would cause them to have no consequence for bad behavior. 13 00:00:58.052 --> 00:00:58.192 Mm-hmm. 14 00:00:58.533 --> 00:00:58.773 Yeah. 15 00:01:00.036 --> 00:01:05.680 And because it's like, well, I can't because I'm supposed to not, I'm supposed to have grace. 16 00:01:06.101 --> 00:01:06.881 Right. 17 00:01:07.702 --> 00:01:09.764 And I just, I think they didn't understand. 18 00:01:10.144 --> 00:01:17.069 Over the years when we have taught at various places, one of the accusations of our message is that we're soft on sin. 19 00:01:17.369 --> 00:01:21.232 And therefore, because you're soft on sin, and you know what? 20 00:01:21.553 --> 00:01:24.435 Please, please, please don't misunderstand this about grace. 21 00:01:25.425 --> 00:01:27.867 Grace is never soft on sin. 22 00:01:28.808 --> 00:01:31.970 It costs Jesus Calvary. 23 00:01:32.330 --> 00:01:33.571 Don't ever forget that. 24 00:01:33.831 --> 00:01:35.192 It is not soft on sin. 25 00:01:35.933 --> 00:01:37.554 It is the only answer to sin. 26 00:01:38.555 --> 00:01:43.018 Yeah, the power of Jesus through his resurrection, death and resurrection. 27 00:01:43.038 --> 00:01:44.239 It is the answer to sin. 28 00:01:44.519 --> 00:01:44.759 Yeah. 29 00:01:46.261 --> 00:01:49.563 There are consequences to behavior. 30 00:01:50.344 --> 00:01:51.144 Correct, yeah. 31 00:01:51.705 --> 00:01:53.746 And those consequences are real. 32 00:01:54.667 --> 00:01:54.947 Mm-hmm. 33 00:01:56.437 --> 00:01:57.518 It sounds backwards. 34 00:01:57.598 --> 00:01:58.358 I know it does. 35 00:01:58.458 --> 00:02:04.942 But if there are no consequences to your child's behavior, they will never grow up. 36 00:02:05.683 --> 00:02:05.963 Right. 37 00:02:06.563 --> 00:02:07.584 They will never grow up. 38 00:02:08.344 --> 00:02:08.585 Yeah. 39 00:02:09.065 --> 00:02:14.128 Remember what— So grace doesn't take away that there's going to be consequences to behavior. 40 00:02:14.148 --> 00:02:21.592 But grace enables the parent to stay connected to the person of the child. 41 00:02:21.693 --> 00:02:22.313 Exactly. 42 00:02:23.633 --> 00:02:24.794 In the midst of behavior. 43 00:02:24.914 --> 00:02:25.574 Exactly. 44 00:02:26.354 --> 00:02:26.814 Thank you. 45 00:02:27.555 --> 00:02:38.860 Yeah, it's like, how do I, as a parent, never allow my child's behavior to define them? 46 00:02:38.880 --> 00:02:41.181 Mm-hmm. 47 00:02:41.601 --> 00:02:47.284 How do I, as a parent, never allow my child's behavior to define them? 48 00:02:47.304 --> 00:02:48.625 So I'm going to throw you a softball. 49 00:02:49.605 --> 00:02:49.965 Please. 50 00:02:50.125 --> 00:02:51.766 So why should I do that? 51 00:02:53.478 --> 00:03:03.900 Because if my parenting causes me to define my child by their behavior, I will never know my child. 52 00:03:03.920 --> 00:03:05.180 Okay. 53 00:03:05.860 --> 00:03:06.820 Never know my child. 54 00:03:06.860 --> 00:03:07.060 Yeah. 55 00:03:07.800 --> 00:03:11.921 I thought you were going to go to, because that's how God deals with me. 56 00:03:12.141 --> 00:03:12.701 And he does. 57 00:03:13.481 --> 00:03:14.522 And he does deal with me. 58 00:03:14.822 --> 00:03:15.042 Yeah. 59 00:03:15.582 --> 00:03:16.542 Because he knows me. 60 00:03:17.142 --> 00:03:17.362 Yeah. 61 00:03:17.582 --> 00:03:18.702 That's a beautiful thing. 62 00:03:25.190 --> 00:03:36.274 See, what happens, one of the things that happens in parenting, obviously as Christians, is we're longing for the day that our children accept Jesus, and rightly so. 63 00:03:37.694 --> 00:03:48.358 I say to a lot of parents, if your child was three or five or seven or nine or whatever age, I can't think of better advice I could give you than this, trust that they became a believer. 64 00:03:49.918 --> 00:03:54.460 Do not let their behavior after that experience tell you they may not be. 65 00:03:55.740 --> 00:03:57.761 You want to break the spirit of a child? 66 00:03:58.881 --> 00:04:02.143 Tell them they're not a Christian after they told you they accepted Jesus. 67 00:04:02.163 --> 00:04:03.123 You want to break their spirit? 68 00:04:03.363 --> 00:04:05.024 We want to be able to do something. 69 00:04:05.044 --> 00:04:16.329 We want to create an opportunity in what I call grace, what we call grace, an opportunity for the child to experience what grace can give them. 70 00:04:18.970 --> 00:04:22.772 And in that process, they will hunger again. 71 00:04:23.797 --> 00:04:24.839 for the God we know. 72 00:04:25.420 --> 00:04:30.469 What if grace convinces me as a parent that I am loved? 73 00:04:31.771 --> 00:04:35.037 What if grace convinces me that I matter? 74 00:04:36.348 --> 00:04:39.672 What if grace convinces me that I have purpose? 75 00:04:41.114 --> 00:04:43.778 What if grace convinces me that I am free? 76 00:04:44.559 --> 00:04:48.644 What if grace convinces me that I am not condemned? 77 00:04:49.665 --> 00:04:53.150 That's going to affect the way I parent, and it should. 78 00:04:53.170 --> 00:04:53.710 Yeah. 79 00:04:54.051 --> 00:04:54.752 It should. 80 00:04:55.272 --> 00:04:58.253 Grace is always inside out. 81 00:04:58.734 --> 00:04:59.174 Absolutely. 82 00:04:59.234 --> 00:04:59.854 Thank you. 83 00:05:00.034 --> 00:05:04.276 And inside from God's initiative to out through expression. 84 00:05:04.676 --> 00:05:04.956 Yes. 85 00:05:05.957 --> 00:05:06.417 Excellent. 86 00:05:06.877 --> 00:05:09.078 And so I ponder that. 87 00:05:09.198 --> 00:05:11.699 I go, wait a minute. 88 00:05:11.819 --> 00:05:13.040 What am I trusting? 89 00:05:13.060 --> 00:05:16.101 I don't mind repeating this. 90 00:05:16.141 --> 00:05:17.642 We say it on our podcast all the time. 91 00:05:17.682 --> 00:05:19.363 I'll do it in the context of parenting. 92 00:05:20.283 --> 00:05:26.030 It is amazing grace that I became a believer because Jesus died for my sin. 93 00:05:26.070 --> 00:05:27.412 That is amazing grace. 94 00:05:29.083 --> 00:05:36.165 But do we understand that that is not the limit of the grace that God has for me? 95 00:05:37.145 --> 00:05:39.746 That is the initial reality. 96 00:05:40.546 --> 00:05:52.130 Could I, as a Christian parent, learn to believe that because I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and 97 00:05:53.371 --> 00:06:08.946 And at the cross, believe he died for my sin, could I understand the grace of God that at Calvary, that same Jesus who died for my sin made me a sinner, a saint? 98 00:06:10.448 --> 00:06:11.329 Could I believe that? 99 00:06:11.369 --> 00:06:12.390 Because that's what he did. 100 00:06:13.670 --> 00:06:24.558 And so many, I say this to a lot of Christian leaders, what we're doing is we're teaching Christians to trust Jesus with their sin, but we're not teaching Christians to trust Jesus with who they are. 101 00:06:26.194 --> 00:06:26.494 Right. 102 00:06:27.415 --> 00:06:33.177 And grace helps me as a parent come to grips with who I am. 103 00:06:33.197 --> 00:06:47.343 And when I just repeat that to you, it took this guy who's talking a long time to trust that God loved me and that I mattered. 104 00:06:48.681 --> 00:07:08.555 Scott, you know my story, and I don't mind sharing part of this, but my story, one of the lies that I believe that crippled my development as a person, crippled me as a teenager and a young adult, my childhood experience taught me this lie that I don't matter. 105 00:07:09.375 --> 00:07:11.236 That was the lie I believe, I don't matter. 106 00:07:12.737 --> 00:07:14.358 I've said this on the podcast early. 107 00:07:14.398 --> 00:07:15.138 I'll say it again. 108 00:07:15.798 --> 00:07:20.560 The fact that I believed I didn't matter made me an overachiever because I'm going to show you I matter. 109 00:07:21.561 --> 00:07:21.801 Yeah. 110 00:07:21.941 --> 00:07:23.541 And I'm going to work really hard. 111 00:07:25.062 --> 00:07:26.322 You and I love to compete. 112 00:07:26.923 --> 00:07:27.343 Yeah. 113 00:07:27.503 --> 00:07:29.124 I know where that came from initially. 114 00:07:29.404 --> 00:07:30.444 Yes, totally. 115 00:07:30.884 --> 00:07:31.745 I'm going to win. 116 00:07:31.945 --> 00:07:32.685 I'm going to win. 117 00:07:32.705 --> 00:07:37.147 I teasingly say to people, I am a very good loser. 118 00:07:37.187 --> 00:07:38.267 I am a terrible winner. 119 00:07:38.547 --> 00:07:39.327 I am just a terrible loser. 120 00:07:39.347 --> 00:07:40.268 He is a terrible loser. 121 00:07:40.288 --> 00:07:40.548 Yeah. 122 00:07:40.768 --> 00:07:42.629 We're a terrible winner. 123 00:07:42.669 --> 00:07:48.811 I don't mind losing, but boy, if you let me win, we played gin rummy, and for a long time I was the winner. 124 00:07:48.871 --> 00:07:51.492 Now you're winning, and so we don't talk about gin rummy as much. 125 00:07:53.192 --> 00:07:54.453 But that's my reality. 126 00:07:54.473 --> 00:07:55.513 Yeah. 127 00:07:55.673 --> 00:08:03.356 So I had to learn, by God's grace, to be convinced that to my God I matter. 128 00:08:04.496 --> 00:08:08.499 that was a life-changing evening for me when that became my reality. 129 00:08:09.379 --> 00:08:10.980 It changed everything about me. 130 00:08:11.000 --> 00:08:15.743 I don't know what anybody's story out there is, but I know this. 131 00:08:16.483 --> 00:08:19.745 Grace wants to convince you that you matter. 132 00:08:21.226 --> 00:08:23.587 Grace wants to convince you that you have purpose. 133 00:08:25.018 --> 00:08:27.561 wants to convince how to live freely. 134 00:08:28.622 --> 00:08:38.835 You and I talk about this a lot, Scott, because sometimes that freedom that Paul talks about in Galatians is misunderstood as a freedom from sin. 135 00:08:39.035 --> 00:08:40.457 That's not what he's talking about. 136 00:08:41.235 --> 00:08:43.217 He's not talking about freedom from something. 137 00:08:43.237 --> 00:08:44.238 It's a freedom to. 138 00:08:44.379 --> 00:08:46.060 Freedom to something. 139 00:08:46.100 --> 00:08:47.282 Freedom to life. 140 00:08:47.382 --> 00:08:48.303 Freedom to. 141 00:08:48.363 --> 00:08:49.284 Freedom to be. 142 00:08:49.584 --> 00:08:49.965 To be. 143 00:08:50.045 --> 00:08:50.806 To have fun. 144 00:08:51.146 --> 00:08:52.428 To enjoy. 145 00:08:52.508 --> 00:08:58.915 A guy like Bill Thrall who never trusted himself is free to trust his new heart. 146 00:08:59.365 --> 00:08:59.545 Yeah. 147 00:08:59.785 --> 00:09:01.227 Oh, that's kind of life-changing. 148 00:09:01.627 --> 00:09:01.908 Mm-hmm. 149 00:09:02.068 --> 00:09:03.129 That's amazing. 150 00:09:03.349 --> 00:09:04.290 Yeah. 151 00:09:04.390 --> 00:09:10.516 So as I experience grace, how does that affect my parenting? 152 00:09:11.377 --> 00:09:13.900 I'm going to make a list of things we can talk through, but— 153 00:09:15.696 --> 00:09:22.401 One thing that grace in me does, it allows me to love my children without condition. 154 00:09:23.282 --> 00:09:26.665 I came to this grace message, and my kids were teenagers. 155 00:09:26.885 --> 00:09:27.165 Yes. 156 00:09:27.645 --> 00:09:33.250 When I began to discover it and go into college as I began to learn more. 157 00:09:35.183 --> 00:09:37.524 And by the way, I'm learning. 158 00:09:38.124 --> 00:09:38.924 I'm still learning. 159 00:09:39.204 --> 00:09:40.324 So am I, thank you. 160 00:09:40.844 --> 00:09:49.906 I mean, it's been a privilege to do this podcast because as we cover all these topics we talk about, I keep having ahas as we go through. 161 00:09:49.926 --> 00:09:52.507 It's like, oh, oh, wow, that's how that works. 162 00:10:06.671 --> 00:10:08.332 you love them and you want to be with them. 163 00:10:08.672 --> 00:10:11.534 And not all those decisions go your way. 164 00:10:11.834 --> 00:10:12.894 It gets more complex. 165 00:10:12.934 --> 00:10:17.077 They have in-laws that they have to take care of too. 166 00:10:17.557 --> 00:10:26.982 But in the middle of all that, grace has helped us to love our kids without conditions, to love them no matter what, 167 00:10:28.195 --> 00:10:28.855 No matter what. 168 00:10:29.656 --> 00:10:34.997 And so Eileen and I will feel hurt about something. 169 00:10:35.698 --> 00:10:38.919 And it's like, no, no, what's our commitment? 170 00:10:39.559 --> 00:10:41.900 Our commitment is to love our kids, no matter what. 171 00:10:42.900 --> 00:10:47.922 And so this grace message has helped us even as parents of adult kids. 172 00:10:48.462 --> 00:10:49.102 Good for you. 173 00:10:49.282 --> 00:10:49.523 Yeah. 174 00:10:49.683 --> 00:10:50.943 That's a great message, Scott. 175 00:10:50.963 --> 00:10:53.584 That needs to be said over and over and over again. 176 00:10:55.411 --> 00:10:59.733 Last time we were talking about sin management and how it affects my parenting. 177 00:11:01.034 --> 00:11:08.697 And sin management will always cause me to parent in a way that caused my children to have to earn my acceptance. 178 00:11:09.698 --> 00:11:09.978 Yeah. 179 00:11:11.679 --> 00:11:11.879 Right. 180 00:11:12.439 --> 00:11:15.961 Because that's what we believe is true about our relationship with God. 181 00:11:16.201 --> 00:11:16.421 Yeah. 182 00:11:17.041 --> 00:11:18.602 That I'm acceptable when. 183 00:11:18.622 --> 00:11:19.602 Yeah. 184 00:11:19.782 --> 00:11:23.264 But grace says you're acceptable, period. 185 00:11:24.929 --> 00:11:25.509 Yeah, I hear you. 186 00:11:26.029 --> 00:11:26.309 Mm-hmm. 187 00:11:26.430 --> 00:11:28.210 Now, I know, I know, I can hear it. 188 00:11:28.270 --> 00:11:29.150 I can hear the voices. 189 00:11:29.591 --> 00:11:32.612 Yeah, but if I did that, my kids would get away with murder. 190 00:11:33.312 --> 00:11:33.872 No, they wouldn't. 191 00:11:35.493 --> 00:11:36.293 You know what they would do? 192 00:11:37.533 --> 00:11:39.254 They would learn to trust you. 193 00:11:41.215 --> 00:11:41.895 Oh, my gosh. 194 00:11:41.915 --> 00:11:45.396 So, but don't I have to control my child's behavior? 195 00:11:45.416 --> 00:11:48.717 Can we go back to lesson number one? 196 00:11:49.858 --> 00:11:51.278 Your job is to mature your child. 197 00:11:52.807 --> 00:11:57.030 Yes, you need to discipline their behavior, but you have to learn. 198 00:11:57.790 --> 00:11:59.671 You have to learn to honor their heart. 199 00:12:00.792 --> 00:12:03.714 Just kind of suggest that as a beginning. 200 00:12:04.554 --> 00:12:06.756 So I want to be able to do this. 201 00:12:08.257 --> 00:12:13.200 I want to be able to encourage my child to not be afraid to be known. 202 00:12:14.681 --> 00:12:16.101 Because I've learned something. 203 00:12:16.121 --> 00:12:16.222 Yeah. 204 00:12:17.162 --> 00:12:19.943 Grace has taught me that not be afraid to be known. 205 00:12:21.343 --> 00:12:24.683 Scott, I've done some things in my life that I wish I hadn't. 206 00:12:25.704 --> 00:12:35.845 Because I'm compulsive, they gave me permission to hide, and all that did was exaggerate the behavior until I learned that I could trust somebody with what was true about me. 207 00:12:36.206 --> 00:12:43.367 We're in the home of some friends of ours, Dennis and Cindy, and Dennis has been one of my life protectors for 40 years. 208 00:12:44.487 --> 00:12:45.247 What does that mean? 209 00:12:45.887 --> 00:12:53.810 That means that Dennis is a man that when I struggle with me, he's one of the first people I talk to about me. 210 00:12:54.210 --> 00:12:54.410 Yeah. 211 00:12:54.830 --> 00:12:57.971 Because I've learned how important it is to be known. 212 00:12:58.391 --> 00:12:58.611 Yeah. 213 00:12:58.991 --> 00:13:02.752 Because I have felt the damnation of my hiding. 214 00:13:03.672 --> 00:13:03.872 Yeah. 215 00:13:04.012 --> 00:13:09.454 And I have sensed the damnation of my hiding on my children, my loved ones, and everyone else. 216 00:13:10.174 --> 00:13:18.836 So today, this man who once was scared to death that if you knew me, you wouldn't love me, today risk being known so he can be loved. 217 00:13:19.376 --> 00:13:20.376 That's what we're talking about. 218 00:13:20.396 --> 00:13:27.278 So with wisdom, we want to make an environment for our children that they won't be afraid to be known. 219 00:13:27.318 --> 00:13:28.618 They won't be afraid to be known. 220 00:13:28.998 --> 00:13:29.298 Yeah. 221 00:13:29.318 --> 00:13:31.699 It's just so important, Scott. 222 00:13:31.819 --> 00:13:38.660 One of the greatest truths about grace is to create a safe place where our children are not afraid to be known. 223 00:13:39.038 --> 00:13:45.102 We want them to not be afraid that their person will be threatened by us. 224 00:13:45.463 --> 00:13:46.143 Exactly. 225 00:13:47.004 --> 00:13:48.064 As they share with us. 226 00:13:48.745 --> 00:13:48.985 Life. 227 00:13:49.485 --> 00:13:49.886 Their life. 228 00:13:49.906 --> 00:13:50.446 Their life. 229 00:13:50.646 --> 00:13:51.066 Their life. 230 00:13:51.106 --> 00:13:51.727 Their stuff. 231 00:13:52.027 --> 00:13:52.287 Yeah. 232 00:13:52.608 --> 00:13:55.349 Could we get past this fake idealism? 233 00:13:56.410 --> 00:13:57.311 Our kids... 234 00:13:59.021 --> 00:14:05.264 are sinners whose shame drives them to behavior that causes them to hide. 235 00:14:05.784 --> 00:14:07.025 Oh, what a revelation. 236 00:14:07.845 --> 00:14:08.045 Yeah. 237 00:14:08.145 --> 00:14:10.146 Why don't we just believe that's true? 238 00:14:10.827 --> 00:14:11.027 Yeah. 239 00:14:11.247 --> 00:14:16.169 And instead of assuming that they're just these most perfect kids that ever, they're not. 240 00:14:16.890 --> 00:14:18.230 They're dealing with life. 241 00:14:18.570 --> 00:14:20.531 They're dealing with how life affects them. 242 00:14:21.272 --> 00:14:23.513 They're dealing with how friends affect them. 243 00:14:23.873 --> 00:14:24.193 Mm-hmm. 244 00:14:25.713 --> 00:14:45.335 And we want to be, by God's grace, how do I free my children, here's an important insight, to trust me with their stuff without my reacting but responding? 245 00:14:47.001 --> 00:14:49.042 You see, Scott, here's a truism. 246 00:14:50.143 --> 00:14:55.446 When I tell you something that's true about me and you react, I'm not going to tell you next time. 247 00:14:55.706 --> 00:14:55.926 Yeah. 248 00:14:56.186 --> 00:14:56.927 I'm not going to. 249 00:14:57.827 --> 00:14:58.047 Yeah. 250 00:14:58.648 --> 00:15:03.090 But if I tell you something about even if it's tragic, and you respond... 251 00:15:04.253 --> 00:15:06.235 I'm going to trust you again next time. 252 00:15:07.497 --> 00:15:12.102 And I want to just encourage parents, sometimes our children, we don't mean this. 253 00:15:12.182 --> 00:15:12.963 It just happens. 254 00:15:13.063 --> 00:15:13.904 It's called life. 255 00:15:14.505 --> 00:15:24.256 I don't know when it's true, but every child will have an experience sometime in their early development where their shame is triggered. 256 00:15:25.017 --> 00:15:25.218 Yeah. 257 00:15:25.819 --> 00:15:26.560 Don't know what it is. 258 00:15:26.620 --> 00:15:27.641 Could be a thing at school. 259 00:15:27.682 --> 00:15:29.204 Could be something you said at home, whatever it is. 260 00:15:29.604 --> 00:15:34.392 But once the shame is triggered, it will in fact affect life. 261 00:15:35.507 --> 00:15:36.507 I wish that wasn't true. 262 00:15:37.588 --> 00:15:38.428 I want my children. 263 00:15:38.688 --> 00:15:41.088 No, it's better to know that's true. 264 00:15:41.688 --> 00:15:47.110 And because of God's grace, create a place where my children are not afraid to be known. 265 00:15:47.690 --> 00:15:50.270 This is the next one is equally important to me. 266 00:15:50.290 --> 00:15:55.912 And that is, I want to have a place because of God's grace where I can trust. 267 00:15:57.032 --> 00:16:01.893 As they become believers, I want to be able to trust the heart that God has given them. 268 00:16:03.727 --> 00:16:08.608 And equally important, I want my children to trust the heart that I have. 269 00:16:09.708 --> 00:16:10.769 It's a true way. 270 00:16:10.889 --> 00:16:12.549 So help me understand what that means. 271 00:16:13.069 --> 00:16:16.050 Like a practical example of— What that means is this. 272 00:16:16.730 --> 00:16:23.011 Children are pretty brilliant when it comes to family dynamics. 273 00:16:23.592 --> 00:16:26.952 And they intuitively, at least, God can tell when you're hurting. 274 00:16:28.073 --> 00:16:28.453 Okay. 275 00:16:28.493 --> 00:16:29.273 They can tell that. 276 00:16:29.753 --> 00:16:30.053 Mm-hmm. 277 00:16:30.772 --> 00:16:36.596 Now, imagine having a relationship with your child, seven, nine, 27. 278 00:16:36.656 --> 00:16:37.136 Yeah. 279 00:16:38.457 --> 00:16:48.924 When you're hurting, they have permission to come to you and love you and touch your heart. 280 00:16:50.164 --> 00:16:50.385 Yeah. 281 00:16:51.305 --> 00:16:51.886 Let them do it. 282 00:16:52.446 --> 00:16:52.706 Mm-hmm. 283 00:16:53.106 --> 00:16:53.707 Let them do it. 284 00:16:54.067 --> 00:16:55.128 Yeah. 285 00:16:55.188 --> 00:16:55.808 Let them do it. 286 00:16:57.269 --> 00:16:58.770 This false bravado 287 00:17:00.536 --> 00:17:01.076 Yeah. 288 00:17:01.176 --> 00:17:05.519 That I'm the Christian and I'm the parent and everything in my life is fine. 289 00:17:05.960 --> 00:17:07.200 The kid knows you're lying. 290 00:17:07.220 --> 00:17:08.161 Yeah. 291 00:17:08.261 --> 00:17:13.004 Let the child respond to the fact that you're having a hard day. 292 00:17:13.524 --> 00:17:16.787 They'd love to laugh with you and cry with you and pray with you. 293 00:17:17.027 --> 00:17:17.967 They would love it. 294 00:17:18.288 --> 00:17:18.608 Let them. 295 00:17:19.128 --> 00:17:19.808 Yeah. 296 00:17:20.149 --> 00:17:25.292 I think when I had two cancer journeys with my kid's mom. 297 00:17:25.612 --> 00:17:25.912 Yes. 298 00:17:26.433 --> 00:17:28.434 She's passed from cancer in 2020. 299 00:17:28.474 --> 00:17:28.954 Good example. 300 00:17:29.014 --> 00:17:29.135 Yes. 301 00:17:29.215 --> 00:17:29.455 Yes. 302 00:17:30.135 --> 00:17:41.562 And I remember on the first cancer journey, my kids were a freshman in college, a sophomore in high school, and a seventh grader. 303 00:17:41.582 --> 00:17:42.003 Wow. 304 00:17:43.434 --> 00:17:47.538 And I resolved to not hide from them. 305 00:17:48.219 --> 00:17:48.779 Good for you. 306 00:17:49.380 --> 00:17:50.121 What a gift to them. 307 00:17:50.201 --> 00:17:50.882 In that journey. 308 00:17:51.122 --> 00:17:51.983 What a gift to them. 309 00:17:52.263 --> 00:17:56.027 To not hide that we're afraid your mom might die. 310 00:17:57.188 --> 00:17:59.831 We're afraid what this is going to be like. 311 00:17:59.931 --> 00:18:02.513 And I think that was really healthy for us. 312 00:18:02.934 --> 00:18:04.815 Oh, Scott, that's a beautiful story. 313 00:18:04.836 --> 00:18:05.837 To do that together. 314 00:18:06.297 --> 00:18:07.218 Beautiful story, yeah. 315 00:18:07.438 --> 00:18:09.199 So I didn't pretend to be strong. 316 00:18:09.559 --> 00:18:14.221 I mean, I can understand with a younger child going, oh, I don't want. 317 00:18:15.342 --> 00:18:20.204 But even then, I don't think I would have wanted to have hide the truth. 318 00:18:20.425 --> 00:18:20.985 Good for you. 319 00:18:21.925 --> 00:18:23.386 As we went through the journey together. 320 00:18:24.206 --> 00:18:28.148 They were experiencing grace when you told them your truth. 321 00:18:28.589 --> 00:18:28.809 Yeah. 322 00:18:29.069 --> 00:18:29.409 They were. 323 00:18:30.410 --> 00:18:30.590 Yeah. 324 00:18:30.830 --> 00:18:33.531 Because I've been with you and your sons. 325 00:18:33.651 --> 00:18:35.232 I see the evidence of it, Scott. 326 00:18:35.782 --> 00:18:36.403 Yeah, thank you. 327 00:18:36.543 --> 00:18:36.923 No, I do. 328 00:18:37.043 --> 00:18:39.446 I see the evidence of it in them. 329 00:18:39.946 --> 00:18:40.166 Yeah. 330 00:18:40.487 --> 00:18:42.669 And I see the evidence of it when they're with you. 331 00:18:43.830 --> 00:18:44.370 I really do. 332 00:18:44.811 --> 00:18:45.271 I mean that. 333 00:18:45.291 --> 00:18:46.412 I'm not trying to puff you up. 334 00:18:46.512 --> 00:18:49.515 I'm just telling you, I see the fruit of those choices. 335 00:18:49.735 --> 00:18:49.936 Yeah. 336 00:18:50.456 --> 00:18:53.199 Being lived out in your sons and the choices they're making. 337 00:18:53.479 --> 00:18:54.580 Mm-hmm. 338 00:18:54.800 --> 00:18:56.382 It's a beautiful thing to witness. 339 00:18:56.562 --> 00:18:56.762 Yeah. 340 00:18:57.042 --> 00:18:58.984 Because it's like something's happening. 341 00:18:59.004 --> 00:18:59.104 Yeah. 342 00:18:59.945 --> 00:19:04.708 Your willingness to be known freed them to respond to your need. 343 00:19:05.688 --> 00:19:08.870 And what that did is that gave them a chance to trust their own heart. 344 00:19:09.050 --> 00:19:09.291 Yeah. 345 00:19:10.671 --> 00:19:16.555 I find a lot of people amazed that I had this business and I have two sons that are actually in it and buying it from me. 346 00:19:16.595 --> 00:19:18.196 And they're going, how'd you do that? 347 00:19:18.936 --> 00:19:19.577 Exactly. 348 00:19:19.597 --> 00:19:23.159 Because most kids don't want to work with their dad. 349 00:19:23.179 --> 00:19:26.121 Not only that, but I love when you tell the story. 350 00:19:26.141 --> 00:19:27.021 Yeah. 351 00:19:28.742 --> 00:19:34.590 You're selling these business to your dad, to your sons, and they're doing better in the businesses than I was. 352 00:19:34.610 --> 00:19:37.333 I just went, oh, what a great story. 353 00:19:37.453 --> 00:19:46.625 But it is a further evidence of the possibilities of this message of grace being caught in. 354 00:19:48.370 --> 00:19:51.071 through our lives, for the benefit of our children. 355 00:19:52.191 --> 00:20:09.256 So as we talk about this, I just want to echo for the 50th time, Mom and Dad, trust God with you so your children will trust you. 356 00:20:10.456 --> 00:20:10.876 Thank you. 357 00:20:12.257 --> 00:20:13.317 Hey, thanks for watching. 358 00:20:13.797 --> 00:20:16.778 Now I get to tell you a couple of things, like we got a book coming out, 359 00:20:18.307 --> 00:20:22.650 living influence, how knowing who you are changes everyone around you. 360 00:20:23.390 --> 00:20:27.113 That statement is filled with spiritual power. 361 00:20:27.453 --> 00:20:27.773 Amen. 362 00:20:29.294 --> 00:20:30.675 The power that comes from Jesus. 363 00:20:31.456 --> 00:20:31.756 Amen. 364 00:20:32.796 --> 00:20:41.342 Who loved us and died on a cross and was resurrected from the dead in order to give us life and freedom. 365 00:20:42.705 --> 00:20:52.347 And so this book that Bill and John Lynch have written is kind of about that journey from living in shame to living with no condemnation. 366 00:20:52.887 --> 00:20:53.187 Amen. 367 00:20:53.387 --> 00:20:56.448 And how that journey changes everybody around you. 368 00:20:56.488 --> 00:20:58.768 So we want you to keep your eye out for that. 369 00:20:58.808 --> 00:21:01.509 We're going to have more details as they come available to us. 370 00:21:01.549 --> 00:21:02.569 We want to share them with you. 371 00:21:03.069 --> 00:21:04.610 Please subscribe to our channels. 372 00:21:04.890 --> 00:21:08.070 Please like our channels, our podcasts. 373 00:21:08.190 --> 00:21:10.631 Please consider leaving a comment. 374 00:21:11.691 --> 00:21:18.457 All of those actions help our algorithm in the different platforms that we're on. 375 00:21:18.497 --> 00:21:25.102 We're on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. 376 00:21:25.122 --> 00:21:25.822 I think that's it. 377 00:21:26.322 --> 00:21:27.664 And we're actually on LinkedIn too. 378 00:21:28.344 --> 00:21:33.088 But we would really appreciate your help in spreading this message of grace. 379 00:21:33.348 --> 00:21:34.849 It's changed my life. 380 00:21:34.929 --> 00:21:36.070 It's changed Bill's life. 381 00:21:36.770 --> 00:21:37.811 And it's why we're here. 382 00:21:37.931 --> 00:21:38.752 We'll see you next week. 383 00:21:39.885 --> 00:21:42.108 Thanks again for listening to Living Influence. 384 00:21:42.529 --> 00:21:43.430 We appreciate you. 385 00:21:44.311 --> 00:21:49.838 We'd love it if you'd go to livinginfluence.com, contact us, and send us an email. 386 00:21:50.138 --> 00:21:51.200 We'd love to know what you're thinking. 387 00:21:52.141 --> 00:21:52.782 See you next week.