WEBVTT 1 00:00:04.138 --> 00:00:05.718 Do you respond to correction well? 2 00:00:06.919 --> 00:00:09.159 Correcting your child depends upon it. 3 00:00:10.520 --> 00:00:11.600 Welcome to Living Influence. 4 00:00:12.440 --> 00:00:14.400 I'm Scott Boyd with my friend Bill Thrall. 5 00:00:15.101 --> 00:00:15.421 What's up? 6 00:00:15.681 --> 00:00:18.641 We're talking about discipline and grace this week. 7 00:00:19.582 --> 00:00:21.862 And I'm just going to start off with a personal story. 8 00:00:22.462 --> 00:00:33.125 I think when I began to understand the grace of God and live in the freedom of believing who he says I was, before that moment, I was in constant need 9 00:00:34.365 --> 00:00:41.228 to be justified because I was in constant state of feeling guilty. 10 00:00:43.128 --> 00:00:50.811 And as I began to discover grace, I began to discover and discover correction. 11 00:00:51.171 --> 00:00:52.852 Yeah. 12 00:00:53.152 --> 00:01:01.575 And being corrected and responding to it well, the words that came to me is like, oh, you mean I'm free to be guilty? 13 00:01:03.158 --> 00:01:04.619 Which was such a weird idea. 14 00:01:04.639 --> 00:01:13.466 It's like, because before that point, if I messed up, I needed to give you a justifying reason as to why I messed up. 15 00:01:13.486 --> 00:01:15.307 So you would understand why I messed up. 16 00:01:15.387 --> 00:01:16.788 And then be willing to forgive me. 17 00:01:17.088 --> 00:01:17.669 Exactly. 18 00:01:18.329 --> 00:01:26.175 Oh, well, I'll forgive you because, and all of a sudden it's like, wait, you know, I can just be screwed up and do something screwed up. 19 00:01:28.156 --> 00:01:32.999 And be corrected about it and ask for forgiveness, and I don't have to have a reason. 20 00:01:33.359 --> 00:01:33.679 Amen. 21 00:01:34.580 --> 00:01:37.301 And it was like— It's called freedom. 22 00:01:37.881 --> 00:01:38.222 Yeah. 23 00:01:38.442 --> 00:01:45.265 And so all of a sudden it's like, when I became free to be guilty, I became free to be corrected. 24 00:01:45.486 --> 00:01:46.106 Good for you. 25 00:01:46.806 --> 00:01:50.048 I didn't have—because God justifies me. 26 00:01:50.348 --> 00:01:50.668 Amen. 27 00:01:51.249 --> 00:01:51.729 Well said. 28 00:01:52.239 --> 00:01:56.881 Yeah, so this then rolls down into our parenting. 29 00:01:57.061 --> 00:01:58.021 Oh, absolutely. 30 00:01:58.121 --> 00:01:58.381 Yeah. 31 00:01:58.461 --> 00:01:59.161 Absolutely. 32 00:01:59.641 --> 00:02:07.204 What I think, Scott, about discipline and grace, a couple verses come to mind and we'll feed into both of them. 33 00:02:07.244 --> 00:02:10.485 First one is this, whom the Lord loves, he disciplines. 34 00:02:11.025 --> 00:02:13.146 So let's just remember that at the back of our heads. 35 00:02:13.266 --> 00:02:15.026 Whom the Lord loves, he disciplines. 36 00:02:15.947 --> 00:02:19.548 The second one is this, train up a child in a way he should go. 37 00:02:20.388 --> 00:02:22.509 And when he is old, he will not depart from it. 38 00:02:23.230 --> 00:02:27.892 Those two dynamics, to me, fit into this understanding of discipline. 39 00:02:28.172 --> 00:02:29.073 I have a couple stories. 40 00:02:30.293 --> 00:02:34.136 Years ago, I did a camp ministry called Arizona Bible Camp. 41 00:02:35.456 --> 00:02:38.718 My favorite audience my whole life had been teenagers. 42 00:02:39.258 --> 00:02:45.982 Not so much today because of my age, I guess, but for years and years and years, I couldn't wait to be with teenagers and young adults. 43 00:02:46.002 --> 00:02:47.203 They were my favorite audience. 44 00:02:48.043 --> 00:02:57.649 So at our Bible camp, knowing something about the way Christian parents raise their kids, we'd have a lot of fun the first night. 45 00:02:57.789 --> 00:02:59.890 We'd do everything we could to tire them out a bit. 46 00:03:00.630 --> 00:03:03.832 We learned all we really did was wear out the counselors. 47 00:03:04.192 --> 00:03:07.914 But we would have—and I'd say to the kids, okay, quiet, everybody. 48 00:03:08.895 --> 00:03:12.377 I did this intentionally, which I'll tell you in a minute. 49 00:03:12.777 --> 00:03:17.180 I would sit in front of the whole camp, and I'd say to the kids, 150, 200 kids, I'd say, okay, now listen— 50 00:03:17.840 --> 00:03:20.305 At our camp, we only have one rule. 51 00:03:22.089 --> 00:03:23.612 We only have one rule in our camp. 52 00:03:25.175 --> 00:03:26.658 You just have to do what I say. 53 00:03:26.678 --> 00:03:26.738 Ha! 54 00:03:29.203 --> 00:03:31.645 We only had one rule at our camp. 55 00:03:31.725 --> 00:03:38.789 And the reason I did that is because back in those days, Christian camping, I mean, the kids would get a notebook full of the camp rules. 56 00:03:39.149 --> 00:03:43.212 I mean, they would have everything you could or couldn't do and just rules everywhere. 57 00:03:44.172 --> 00:03:48.395 And it was just part of the dynamic, it was part of the parenting structure. 58 00:03:48.695 --> 00:03:49.796 So I'd say it was one rule. 59 00:03:49.856 --> 00:03:51.076 An interesting thing happened. 60 00:03:51.337 --> 00:03:52.697 Every year, same thing happened. 61 00:03:53.238 --> 00:03:58.341 The first morning, we'd line up for breakfast and the kids would surround me. 62 00:03:59.800 --> 00:04:00.582 Just surround me. 63 00:04:01.003 --> 00:04:01.223 What? 64 00:04:03.268 --> 00:04:03.909 Can I do this? 65 00:04:04.270 --> 00:04:04.912 Can I do that? 66 00:04:05.052 --> 00:04:05.693 Can I do this? 67 00:04:05.754 --> 00:04:06.335 Can I do that? 68 00:04:07.297 --> 00:04:08.139 Did I say you couldn't? 69 00:04:08.380 --> 00:04:08.580 No. 70 00:04:10.412 --> 00:04:11.453 But what am I supposed to do? 71 00:04:12.373 --> 00:04:15.975 I've never had the freedom to just do what I'm supposed to do. 72 00:04:16.075 --> 00:04:22.979 I'd laughingly say we'd have a combination of a lot of Christian kids from Christian churches, and we'd have a bunch of street kids. 73 00:04:23.679 --> 00:04:29.822 And I'd say all the church kids would, the street kids, I probably wouldn't meet some until Wednesday. 74 00:04:30.383 --> 00:04:34.845 It was just, they loved me. 75 00:04:36.406 --> 00:04:38.167 And my whole point in that is this. 76 00:04:38.562 --> 00:04:44.948 We assume that rules and structure are somehow going to provide guidelines for behavior. 77 00:04:45.708 --> 00:04:52.694 And what they really do, because it's a principle of law, is what they really do is they create rebellion. 78 00:04:54.196 --> 00:04:56.818 They don't create guidelines for behavior. 79 00:04:57.198 --> 00:05:03.943 Is it Paul in Romans 7 where he says the law incited my flesh? 80 00:05:04.023 --> 00:05:04.784 Exactly. 81 00:05:05.004 --> 00:05:08.327 So now that you've given me that law, my flesh wants to break it. 82 00:05:08.567 --> 00:05:09.268 Exactly. 83 00:05:09.668 --> 00:05:10.168 Thank you. 84 00:05:10.188 --> 00:05:11.770 Thank you, Scott, because that's what it is. 85 00:05:12.290 --> 00:05:13.391 So I have that story. 86 00:05:13.411 --> 00:05:14.472 Then I have another story. 87 00:05:15.507 --> 00:05:22.793 My associate Bruce and I, for years, we were part of a group called TACT, T-A-C-T, Theological and Cultural Thinkers. 88 00:05:22.833 --> 00:05:24.314 It was an amazing time. 89 00:05:25.295 --> 00:05:28.718 And so we were doing a class one day, an open class. 90 00:05:28.798 --> 00:05:30.239 It was 20 to 25 of us. 91 00:05:31.100 --> 00:05:33.462 And I was doing a class on discipline. 92 00:05:33.722 --> 00:05:41.268 To my kind of surprise in this group, I made the statement that discipline is not punishment. 93 00:05:42.522 --> 00:05:48.105 And one of the gentlemen, a pretty significantly unknown theologian, he didn't raise his hand. 94 00:05:48.145 --> 00:05:50.306 He just stood up and said, Bill, I totally disagree. 95 00:05:51.526 --> 00:05:51.887 You do? 96 00:05:52.607 --> 00:05:53.187 What do you think? 97 00:05:54.148 --> 00:06:00.591 I think God punishes us because we sin. 98 00:06:00.851 --> 00:06:04.853 And we need to be able to accept the punishment of God. 99 00:06:05.918 --> 00:06:09.759 I mean, I didn't expect it, and I went, wait a minute. 100 00:06:09.799 --> 00:06:10.780 Did I miss something? 101 00:06:11.880 --> 00:06:15.001 Didn't Jesus get punished at a place called Calvary? 102 00:06:16.522 --> 00:06:17.702 Mm-hmm. 103 00:06:17.982 --> 00:06:25.865 Isn't discipline an act of love where God does something that he wishes we as parents could learn? 104 00:06:27.365 --> 00:06:34.008 What if discipline's purpose was to bring the individual back into alignment with who they are? 105 00:06:34.808 --> 00:06:35.068 Mm-hmm. 106 00:06:35.635 --> 00:06:36.556 I'm going to say that again. 107 00:06:36.756 --> 00:06:57.085 What if discipline was bringing, in God's case, the person, in my case as a parent, what if my discipline was to bring my child back into alignment with who they are, not to punish their behavior as if somehow the punishment of their behavior will realign men? 108 00:06:57.525 --> 00:06:58.265 It's a hard lesson. 109 00:06:58.285 --> 00:07:00.947 I don't know why we can't learn it as parents. 110 00:07:01.527 --> 00:07:03.808 Do you know jails do not correct people? 111 00:07:04.146 --> 00:07:04.867 Yeah, right. 112 00:07:04.927 --> 00:07:05.967 They don't correct people. 113 00:07:06.128 --> 00:07:06.348 Right. 114 00:07:06.648 --> 00:07:08.710 Punishment does not correct people. 115 00:07:09.170 --> 00:07:18.137 I don't know what the statistic is today, but I remember sometime in the past, the statistic was that 70 to 80% of all people who are in prison return. 116 00:07:18.397 --> 00:07:19.418 Yeah, recidivism. 117 00:07:19.978 --> 00:07:21.179 Now, just a minute. 118 00:07:21.219 --> 00:07:22.120 Wait, wait, wait. 119 00:07:22.340 --> 00:07:24.542 Why can't we learn this? 120 00:07:24.622 --> 00:07:29.025 Punishment is not an act of love. 121 00:07:30.764 --> 00:07:35.206 It is to, in fact, punish the person, not love them. 122 00:07:35.786 --> 00:07:36.927 What if discipline? 123 00:07:36.987 --> 00:07:38.447 So I quoted that verse. 124 00:07:38.487 --> 00:07:39.228 I'll say it again. 125 00:07:39.848 --> 00:07:44.310 Train up a child in the unique way in which they should go. 126 00:07:45.610 --> 00:07:47.771 And when they're old, they are not depart from it. 127 00:07:49.572 --> 00:07:56.615 If you have more than one child, if you have three or four or five or ten children, no child should be disciplined the same. 128 00:07:58.556 --> 00:07:58.816 Mm-hmm. 129 00:07:59.037 --> 00:08:01.398 Because each child is unique. 130 00:08:02.439 --> 00:08:14.467 Behavior that is not in line with who they are should be corrected so that they can be reestablished into who they are. 131 00:08:15.147 --> 00:08:25.813 If my child's behavior causes me in anger to punish them, they will not remember the punishment, but they will remember the anger. 132 00:08:27.174 --> 00:08:28.255 They will remember the anger. 133 00:08:28.995 --> 00:08:36.818 After nine years old, you started having your children help make decisions. 134 00:08:36.838 --> 00:08:39.099 Make decisions about their discipline. 135 00:08:39.259 --> 00:08:40.219 About their behavior. 136 00:08:40.299 --> 00:08:42.060 About their behavior. 137 00:08:42.340 --> 00:08:43.280 Yeah. 138 00:08:43.300 --> 00:08:45.181 And what should the consequences be? 139 00:08:45.501 --> 00:08:45.741 Yeah. 140 00:08:46.682 --> 00:08:50.743 When that behavior is not honored because that's not who they are. 141 00:08:50.843 --> 00:08:53.104 Those are the key words because that's not who you are. 142 00:08:53.404 --> 00:08:54.965 Yeah. 143 00:08:54.985 --> 00:08:59.229 And their participation was always there. 144 00:09:00.570 --> 00:09:11.458 As I said, when we did that lesson, our children, I don't think it's unique to them, but our children tended to be more difficult on themselves with the violation than we would have been. 145 00:09:12.238 --> 00:09:14.220 In understanding this dynamic, 146 00:09:15.697 --> 00:09:21.800 Could I say, we could say it, but could we believe it, that discipline is actually an act of love. 147 00:09:22.300 --> 00:09:27.803 It's an intentional act of the parent to bring our child into alignment with who they are. 148 00:09:28.364 --> 00:09:40.190 The promise in that scripture is that if a child is trained up in the reality of who they are, when they're old, they will not depart from that reality. 149 00:09:40.970 --> 00:09:44.332 Now, we've had lessons before parenting and on parenting 150 00:09:45.493 --> 00:09:47.595 What does rules do? 151 00:09:47.776 --> 00:09:49.097 It creates compliance. 152 00:09:50.379 --> 00:09:50.579 Yeah. 153 00:09:50.679 --> 00:09:52.181 What does compliance do? 154 00:09:52.421 --> 00:09:58.348 It causes the child, in their will to do it, but then their heart rebels. 155 00:09:59.029 --> 00:09:59.269 Yeah. 156 00:09:59.790 --> 00:10:00.730 And their heart rebelled. 157 00:10:00.850 --> 00:10:01.951 Right. 158 00:10:02.231 --> 00:10:09.476 So how do I then balance something with my correction? 159 00:10:10.056 --> 00:10:21.764 And that is, I think it's imperative that we as Christian parents know the significance of affirmation and the power that it has in the development of a child. 160 00:10:22.691 --> 00:10:23.812 So tell me more about that. 161 00:10:23.932 --> 00:10:25.853 So the significance of affirmation. 162 00:10:25.893 --> 00:10:26.253 Yeah. 163 00:10:26.794 --> 00:10:27.414 And the power. 164 00:10:28.094 --> 00:10:31.557 The power it has in the development of a child. 165 00:10:32.157 --> 00:10:33.658 Here's a truism. 166 00:10:34.618 --> 00:10:45.125 Children who grow up in families or cultures where they are not affirmed, they grow up never knowing who they are. 167 00:10:46.586 --> 00:10:46.806 Yeah. 168 00:10:47.726 --> 00:10:50.947 Is that why I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do next and now I finally grow up? 169 00:10:52.208 --> 00:10:52.988 Could be part of it. 170 00:10:53.008 --> 00:10:54.408 We need to do some more affirming. 171 00:10:55.669 --> 00:10:56.769 But that's an important thing. 172 00:10:56.789 --> 00:11:00.090 So it's like, wait a minute, what's Bill saying here? 173 00:11:00.110 --> 00:11:02.591 What does this have to do with correction a lot? 174 00:11:03.071 --> 00:11:09.133 You see, if the only side of the equation my children get is the discipline, 175 00:11:10.420 --> 00:11:13.925 and they never get the love of the affirmation of who they are. 176 00:11:13.945 --> 00:11:17.609 I know this sounds crazy, but it's simply profound. 177 00:11:18.210 --> 00:11:21.054 You see, a child does not know who they are. 178 00:11:22.696 --> 00:11:22.976 Mm-hmm. 179 00:11:23.430 --> 00:11:26.332 They need to be guided into who they are. 180 00:11:26.833 --> 00:11:29.054 They need to be affirmed into who they are. 181 00:11:30.415 --> 00:11:32.197 My son, it's so interesting. 182 00:11:32.317 --> 00:11:38.081 I didn't understand it initially, but my son would make choices that were so different than mine. 183 00:11:38.481 --> 00:11:43.265 Like, I'm from Wisconsin, so, you know, everybody's a Green Bay Packer fan. 184 00:11:44.286 --> 00:11:49.630 My son's 12 years old, and he decides he's a Miami Dolphins fan. 185 00:11:50.627 --> 00:11:51.528 He lives in my house. 186 00:11:51.568 --> 00:11:54.191 How dare you be a Dolphins fan? 187 00:11:54.691 --> 00:11:55.812 But that was Billy. 188 00:11:56.633 --> 00:11:56.973 Yeah. 189 00:11:57.093 --> 00:12:01.878 See, Billy was finding himself, and he wasn't finding himself as defined by me. 190 00:12:01.898 --> 00:12:02.539 Yeah. 191 00:12:02.739 --> 00:12:04.381 And I learned from Billy. 192 00:12:04.401 --> 00:12:05.322 Yeah. 193 00:12:05.342 --> 00:12:05.482 Yeah. 194 00:12:05.782 --> 00:12:12.468 I learned from my son, how do I help him continue to develop into who he is? 195 00:12:12.488 --> 00:12:13.128 Yeah. 196 00:12:13.588 --> 00:12:14.649 I learned that from him. 197 00:12:14.929 --> 00:12:15.530 Yeah. 198 00:12:15.630 --> 00:12:16.891 And I thank him for that. 199 00:12:16.931 --> 00:12:17.852 I've thanked him for it. 200 00:12:17.892 --> 00:12:19.373 I continue to thank him for that. 201 00:12:19.873 --> 00:12:21.355 So it's like affirmation. 202 00:12:21.395 --> 00:12:23.196 Did you give him trouble at the beginning, though? 203 00:12:23.657 --> 00:12:24.857 Because of my unhealthiness. 204 00:12:24.898 --> 00:12:25.678 I'll say it this way. 205 00:12:25.998 --> 00:12:26.179 Yeah. 206 00:12:26.439 --> 00:12:30.342 In my unhealthiness, how dare you be different than your dad? 207 00:12:30.786 --> 00:12:33.068 I mean, that was my unhealthiness screaming. 208 00:12:33.388 --> 00:12:41.356 As I was learning God's grace in my late 20s and early 30s, it was changing everything about me, including my parenting. 209 00:12:42.817 --> 00:12:45.440 And so it was like, how do I let Bill be Bill? 210 00:12:46.281 --> 00:12:52.466 I want to talk about affirmation for a minute as a counterbalance so that people understand its significance. 211 00:12:52.486 --> 00:12:53.227 Yeah. 212 00:12:53.567 --> 00:13:00.709 Affirmation is an honest expression to our child who they are and how much they mean to me. 213 00:13:01.889 --> 00:13:04.870 An honest expression of who they are and how much they mean to me. 214 00:13:05.110 --> 00:13:05.330 Yeah. 215 00:13:05.551 --> 00:13:07.331 I want to caution you as a parent. 216 00:13:08.411 --> 00:13:09.932 This is not affirmation. 217 00:13:10.952 --> 00:13:17.514 Sally, you are the most beautiful girl in the world until she meets him. 218 00:13:19.449 --> 00:13:20.370 Another little girl. 219 00:13:21.431 --> 00:13:24.133 And all of a sudden she goes, wait a minute. 220 00:13:24.674 --> 00:13:27.176 That girl's pretty cute and pretty attractive. 221 00:13:27.256 --> 00:13:28.177 I thought I was. 222 00:13:29.098 --> 00:13:36.504 Listen, the exaggeration of your child's capacity is not affirmation. 223 00:13:36.604 --> 00:13:37.645 It's manipulation. 224 00:13:38.386 --> 00:13:38.946 Just hear that. 225 00:13:38.966 --> 00:13:39.147 Mm-hmm. 226 00:13:40.391 --> 00:13:46.460 Billy, you throw a ball further than anybody until he meets Johnny on the playground. 227 00:13:46.580 --> 00:13:48.422 Johnny throws it 10 times further. 228 00:13:48.442 --> 00:13:50.906 You just go, what's the deal here? 229 00:13:51.607 --> 00:13:52.729 What's the deal here? 230 00:13:53.069 --> 00:13:53.289 Why? 231 00:13:53.389 --> 00:13:54.271 No, that's not affirmation. 232 00:13:54.291 --> 00:13:57.075 So affirmation has to be rooted in truth. 233 00:13:57.335 --> 00:14:00.658 It has to be a true estimate of who you are. 234 00:14:01.178 --> 00:14:13.207 Now, because we've said this in the parenting process so many times, affirmation's purpose is to create for my child an awareness of who they are. 235 00:14:13.868 --> 00:14:16.290 Listen carefully, so they can be known. 236 00:14:16.890 --> 00:14:18.811 Donald Miller wrote a book, To Own a Dragon. 237 00:14:19.972 --> 00:14:20.832 Great example. 238 00:14:20.932 --> 00:14:25.514 And To Own a Dragon was a book about fatherless homes. 239 00:14:26.394 --> 00:14:28.836 And my dad left when I was in fifth grade. 240 00:14:29.296 --> 00:14:35.579 The book has a set of like nine or ten statistics that are seriously scary. 241 00:14:36.439 --> 00:14:42.285 It's like 86% of every male that's in prison didn't have a dad in his home. 242 00:14:42.305 --> 00:14:43.285 Yeah, I remember your title. 243 00:14:43.305 --> 00:14:43.786 Yeah. 244 00:14:43.906 --> 00:14:44.547 Oh, my gosh. 245 00:14:44.607 --> 00:14:49.651 You know, 93% of everyone that commits a rape didn't have a dad in a home. 246 00:14:50.812 --> 00:14:54.396 They just kept going and going and going on these things. 247 00:14:54.996 --> 00:15:07.099 And so Donald Miller's thesis in the book was, because Donald Miller didn't have his dad in his home for a good while too, was if you didn't have a dad in your home, dads looked like dragons. 248 00:15:08.120 --> 00:15:16.262 They were these big, big creatures with huge feet, a deep voice, and they were scary. 249 00:15:18.183 --> 00:15:19.383 And you're afraid of them. 250 00:15:21.704 --> 00:15:23.064 But if you had a dad, 251 00:15:24.948 --> 00:15:27.394 you knew they actually loved you and were for you. 252 00:15:27.695 --> 00:15:27.996 Amen. 253 00:15:28.497 --> 00:15:30.702 And so you looked at the dragon differently. 254 00:15:31.364 --> 00:15:31.605 Wow. 255 00:15:31.885 --> 00:15:32.888 When you had a dad. 256 00:15:33.088 --> 00:15:34.472 But if you didn't have a dad, 257 00:15:36.278 --> 00:15:43.082 All dads looked scary, and that translated into life then as all authority looks scary. 258 00:15:43.142 --> 00:15:43.483 Amen. 259 00:15:43.963 --> 00:15:47.705 And all authority is to not be trusted. 260 00:15:49.166 --> 00:15:50.747 Tragic truth, tragically. 261 00:15:50.767 --> 00:16:00.213 Yeah, and I'm reading the book, and I'm like, I think anybody that's been really successful is, 262 00:16:01.334 --> 00:16:08.399 Beyond the norms, you know, he talked to a coach about an incredible athlete. 263 00:16:08.439 --> 00:16:13.022 He'll say that athlete had a hole in his heart he's trying to fill. 264 00:16:13.762 --> 00:16:18.065 And that's what drove him on the practice field to make him better than anybody else. 265 00:16:18.605 --> 00:16:23.568 And the same with business is you're just always trying to achieve to be enough. 266 00:16:23.869 --> 00:16:24.389 There you go. 267 00:16:24.709 --> 00:16:28.510 Whereas the healthier people are like, oh, I'm having a good time. 268 00:16:29.990 --> 00:16:31.651 I don't have to have more. 269 00:16:31.851 --> 00:16:33.491 I have all I need right now. 270 00:16:33.611 --> 00:16:35.352 They became satisfied sooner. 271 00:16:35.712 --> 00:16:40.753 So affirmation was the thing that you were missing from a dad at home. 272 00:16:41.214 --> 00:16:42.294 Exactly, Scott. 273 00:16:42.314 --> 00:16:44.034 Who would tell you that you're enough. 274 00:16:44.635 --> 00:16:45.675 Ah, Scott. 275 00:16:45.875 --> 00:16:48.596 And speak truth to you about the strength that you saw in you. 276 00:16:48.916 --> 00:16:50.396 Thank you 10 times over, Scott. 277 00:16:50.876 --> 00:16:53.457 Great, great bringing the point home. 278 00:16:53.988 --> 00:16:54.228 Yeah. 279 00:16:54.649 --> 00:16:59.795 Because it's like, do you know why many Christian parents do not affirm their children? 280 00:17:00.616 --> 00:17:03.459 Because they're afraid it's going to build a big head in their kids. 281 00:17:04.920 --> 00:17:08.725 Now, affirmation never touches the ego. 282 00:17:10.727 --> 00:17:11.588 That's so fascinating. 283 00:17:11.788 --> 00:17:13.230 Affirmation touches the 284 00:17:14.427 --> 00:17:15.509 And I believe you're right. 285 00:17:15.789 --> 00:17:15.990 Yeah. 286 00:17:16.551 --> 00:17:23.262 And so that we rob our children of being known for fear and 287 00:17:25.227 --> 00:17:28.268 That they might be a big head or a big ego. 288 00:17:28.828 --> 00:17:29.168 No. 289 00:17:29.308 --> 00:17:32.909 You go, Bill, this is contrary to everything I understand. 290 00:17:32.949 --> 00:17:36.889 I mean, is it my job to quench my child's ego? 291 00:17:37.249 --> 00:17:37.890 No, it's not. 292 00:17:38.730 --> 00:17:38.930 Yeah. 293 00:17:39.150 --> 00:17:39.610 Stop it. 294 00:17:40.150 --> 00:17:40.350 Yeah. 295 00:17:41.090 --> 00:17:44.691 Your job is to open their heart to truth. 296 00:17:45.471 --> 00:17:45.651 Yeah. 297 00:17:46.071 --> 00:17:46.971 That's your job. 298 00:17:47.091 --> 00:17:47.271 Yeah. 299 00:17:47.551 --> 00:17:49.992 But the way you do that is you affirm them. 300 00:17:50.630 --> 00:17:53.311 Scott, I didn't get affirmed growing up. 301 00:17:54.431 --> 00:17:58.212 There was a hunger in me to matter, a hunger in me to be affirmed. 302 00:17:58.593 --> 00:18:07.876 I just think what a sponge I was because anybody who would affirm me became my instant best friend in my life because there was such a vacuum in me. 303 00:18:09.076 --> 00:18:11.037 And then I learned something. 304 00:18:11.097 --> 00:18:13.337 And I want to just say this to all of us as parents. 305 00:18:13.678 --> 00:18:17.919 Practice being affirmed so you can be affirming. 306 00:18:19.230 --> 00:18:19.550 Yeah. 307 00:18:19.630 --> 00:18:24.734 Let somebody else speak into the significance of who you are. 308 00:18:25.455 --> 00:18:32.420 My wife, Grace, has been foundational in the formation of who I am by God's grace. 309 00:18:33.804 --> 00:18:42.829 because she knows my darkest side, but never gave up on affirming me. 310 00:18:43.469 --> 00:18:46.250 It's just, it's so formational for me. 311 00:18:46.390 --> 00:18:48.992 Well, this morning, I'm in your home. 312 00:18:49.792 --> 00:18:52.613 Grace asked me, could you come into my library? 313 00:18:52.653 --> 00:18:54.955 And I just wanted to talk to you for a minute. 314 00:18:54.975 --> 00:18:55.135 Yeah. 315 00:18:55.915 --> 00:18:56.856 She just affirmed me. 316 00:18:58.036 --> 00:19:02.419 Thanked me for coming alongside you guys, for being in your lives. 317 00:19:03.219 --> 00:19:04.380 There you go. 318 00:19:04.500 --> 00:19:06.061 How'd that feel, Scott? 319 00:19:06.902 --> 00:19:07.762 I thanked her for it. 320 00:19:08.042 --> 00:19:08.803 Exactly. 321 00:19:08.823 --> 00:19:09.683 It's like, thank you. 322 00:19:09.983 --> 00:19:11.764 It's been my honor. 323 00:19:12.345 --> 00:19:13.025 Amen. 324 00:19:13.065 --> 00:19:13.425 Thank you. 325 00:19:13.445 --> 00:19:14.026 And a privilege. 326 00:19:14.326 --> 00:19:14.966 Well, thank you. 327 00:19:15.006 --> 00:19:15.206 Yeah. 328 00:19:15.667 --> 00:19:18.128 And we've been blessed deeply by you. 329 00:19:18.889 --> 00:19:22.231 And so that honest affirmation from grace does something. 330 00:19:22.871 --> 00:19:23.912 It touches our heart. 331 00:19:24.092 --> 00:19:24.232 Now, 332 00:19:24.853 --> 00:19:27.723 Just one last thing to you as parents, to be as a parent. 333 00:19:28.386 --> 00:19:30.834 Learn to be known. 334 00:19:33.220 --> 00:19:37.562 so you can practice with your children being known. 335 00:19:38.022 --> 00:19:40.603 We appreciate you guys watching Living Influence. 336 00:19:41.184 --> 00:19:48.427 If there's topics you'd like to hear us address, we'd love you to give us some comments and say, hey, I'd love for you to tell us about this or talk about this. 337 00:19:48.827 --> 00:19:49.107 Amen. 338 00:19:49.687 --> 00:19:51.828 If it's more parenting information, let us know. 339 00:19:52.128 --> 00:19:53.029 We're going to keep going. 340 00:19:53.309 --> 00:19:53.609 Amen. 341 00:19:53.949 --> 00:19:57.651 We feel like we have more things to talk about as well as things to review. 342 00:19:57.671 --> 00:20:00.372 I mean, we've been at this now almost a year and a half. 343 00:20:00.692 --> 00:20:04.514 We have, I think, 30,000 followers on YouTube. 344 00:20:05.034 --> 00:20:06.514 And so we appreciate that. 345 00:20:06.755 --> 00:20:09.075 It comes from you guys clicking on the subscribe button. 346 00:20:10.736 --> 00:20:12.097 But we would love to hear from you. 347 00:20:12.557 --> 00:20:16.078 And check out our website, livinginfluence.com, if you want to know more. 348 00:20:16.599 --> 00:20:22.801 We've got a book coming out called Living Influence, How Knowing Who You Are Changes Everyone Around You. 349 00:20:23.021 --> 00:20:25.422 It was written by John Lynch and Bill Thrall. 350 00:20:26.022 --> 00:20:26.703 You're going to love it. 351 00:20:27.483 --> 00:20:28.543 We hope to see you next week. 352 00:20:28.744 --> 00:20:28.984 Bye. 353 00:20:29.264 --> 00:20:29.604 Bye-bye. 354 00:20:30.242 --> 00:20:31.943 Thanks for listening to Living Influence. 355 00:20:31.983 --> 00:20:32.924 We appreciate you. 356 00:20:33.684 --> 00:20:34.885 Just a call to action. 357 00:20:34.925 --> 00:20:39.989 We would love it if you would share our podcast with one or two people this week. 358 00:20:40.790 --> 00:20:41.270 Thanks again.