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Welcome to Living Influence.

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I'm your host, Scott Boyd, along here with my friend, my mentor, Bill Thrall.

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Bill?

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Good to see you.

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We've been having fun lately.

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We recently just did our first Living Influence Leadership Conference.

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Yes.

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And we had that in Denver last week.

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And man, did we have some engaged people that were just tuned in to what we were doing.

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Absolutely.

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And as well, it was kind of fun.

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It's the first time I've ever had this happen to me.

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I...

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I show up in the hotel.

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We're going to have a conference.

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I have some of my employees came to the conference, you know, so they were there and I came to talk to them.

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And all of a sudden, this delightful young man named Cecil comes up and he goes, oh, oh my gosh.

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Oh my gosh.

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You're not a flat screen.

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You're real.

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Hold on.

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I got to compose myself.

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I don't know if I can talk to you yet, you know.

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And it was just, it was very precious, very sweet, very precious.

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But

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My guys now are mocking me that I have fans.

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And so it was – but oh, my gosh, it was really cool.

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And it's really affirming for us, you know, because we're just looking into a camera and talking about things that have made a difference in our hearts.

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And to know that it's really connecting and having an impact on people.

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who are real, is a blessing.

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And so really, thanks for that.

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And shout out to everybody that was at our conference.

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We appreciate them.

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And while we're on that topic, I have been noodling on this thought.

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I've seen Bill at work in a one-on-one basis with people.

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And he does this thing that I'm not quite sure he's really taught in a way to transfer it.

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And it's he notices the voice of shame in a person's life.

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And so today I want to talk about these voices that we have in our heads.

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the conversations people have in their heads.

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Because I really think some people are actually living life with this constant conversation going on in their head that's actually controlling them.

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Absolutely.

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Actually has them in a way where they're not free.

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Yeah.

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And it's the voice of shame.

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Yeah.

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And...

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It's so interesting.

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I recently heard somebody talking about this voice, and they were talking about how we listen.

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And so sometimes they made a box, and they said, so here's how people often listen.

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They listen for right and wrong, for good and evil.

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For do I trust this or do I not trust this?

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And so this dialogue is going on in their head while they're listening.

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And it struck me how close that dialogue was to eating the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

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Right.

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And it made me think, oh, my gosh, I wonder if in our audience how many people have this voice in their head.

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this voice of shame that really begins to govern their life.

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And so in the conference, as we were closing, I felt...

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I felt compelled to talk about it because I think in our Christian culture, we like to spiritualize a conversation of, you know, it's, you know me, I'm just, I'm just a sinner.

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I just, and I begin to rehearse a way of saying things to say that I know I'm not a great person.

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I know I sin.

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And it's not like.

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That's not true for everyone.

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But it's like when we rehearse that voice and we give validity to that voice, we give power to shame.

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And when we give power to shame, the fruit of that power is that I become convinced I'm not enough.

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And when I'm convinced I'm not enough...

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I go to work on becoming enough.

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And when I go to work on becoming enough, because I'm working on becoming enough, everyone around me is also not enough.

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And this voice then drives that behavior.

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And so now the people I work with, like me, are not enough.

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My spouse, like me, is not enough.

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My children, like me, are not enough.

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And not only am I working on me, I'm working on all of those people.

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And the fruit of that is death.

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The fruit of that is I just drag everyone down.

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I think one of the fruits of that is depression.

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And so that's one voice.

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that we have in our heads, you know?

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And it comes out of how we listen.

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And so I just began to think about this voice of Shane.

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And Bill, I wanted to have this conversation with you.

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And I'm hoping I'm sparking thoughts.

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We're going to end.

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Because we can discuss this.

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So there's that voice.

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But we have another voice.

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And Paul talks about this voice most clearly, for me, in Romans 7.

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And he calls it our inner being.

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And we have this voice in our inner being.

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It's a voice where we can, I don't know, feel joy.

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I think it's a voice where we can find peace.

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I think it's a voice where sometimes we can find quiet.

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where when I'm in a room and someone's talking, instead of listening for how I can present myself to this person as either good or bad, I'm actually just simply listening to this person.

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Mm, what's that?

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And it's why we do this Living Influence Podcast.

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It's about this concept of influence and how my view of me affects my view of you.

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Bill, where do you want to jump in on that thread of thoughts?

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First of all, I just want to say thank you for what you just said.

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Welcome.

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Thank you for the clarity and the understanding of that dynamic that we have tried our best to make sense of for a long time.

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Right.

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The dynamic of, and I believe this, we've talked about this before, I believe what you were just saying absolutely is unique to the Christian.

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because I'm a human being.

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In the choice of Adam, I'm born in sin.

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And the fruit of sin is shame.

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Right.

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And so what you were just saying is that voice of shame...

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is the reality of sin.

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I believe our stories are rooted in the experiences where we initially began to feel pain or hurt.

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Right.

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And those stories that we begin to feel hurt or pain...

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We're just children.

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I can think of my story at seven.

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But I just would say this.

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And that's the beginning of a human being experiencing shame.

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Yeah.

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And so, like, for me, I'll get real personal.

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Sure.

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I just took a grandson out for his birthday dinner, and we go shopping.

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And we do that with every grandkid around their birthday when we can get them for a little bit of time.

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He's in ninth grade and he's lifting weights and he's really excited because he's recently gained like 10 pounds.

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And so I'm saying, so how much do you weigh now?

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He's like, well, I'm 128 pounds now or something.

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I don't know the exact number, but when I was in ninth grade and I observed my grandson, he's not the biggest kid in this class, 129 pounds.

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When I was in ninth grade, I weighed 69 pounds.

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I just looked like.

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I bet you weren't the biggest kid in your class.

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I had a driver's license and I looked like I was 12.

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And people couldn't believe that I could drive.

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And I remember vividly a painful experience in a locker room with a coach smirking.

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because he's making us all take showers, because ninth graders, they stink, you know, eighth graders.

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And, you know, all the other boys are developing, they're all bigger, and I'm just a little kid, look like a little kid.

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And I was so ashamed, and I felt like I don't belong, you know.

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And in that I don't belong, my adaptation became I need to do things in order to belong.

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Amen.

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And that's haunted me my whole life.

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Absolutely.

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I can come into a room of strangers, particularly of men, and think I need to do something so I can belong.

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And that's the voice of shame, right?

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Absolutely.

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Yes.

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And I would say this.

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It's the voice of shame that a large majority of the people who are looking at us right now are experiencing.

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This reality of a voice, because it's shame, I don't know that it's not telling me truth.

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Right.

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But I believe that what it's telling me is true.

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You believed.

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I needed to act on that.

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You needed to act on that.

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And I think we want to say that as clearly as we know how.

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Lots of times we don't realize something.

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We have this story where you need it to belong.

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Yeah.

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I, my story is, I don't matter.

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But whatever the story is, we don't realize that we act upon that story.

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Yeah.

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And this is a horrible thing to say, but I know it's reality.

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You know, when I act upon that story, to me, that's my truth.

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Right.

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And I believe that.

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So I act upon it.

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When you act on the story, it's truth you trust.

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Absolutely.

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I trust this story is telling me the truth.

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Exactly.

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And I act on it.

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Yeah.

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And before we even get any deeper into this, which is very deep, the second part of what you said, I want to introduce again.

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Yeah.

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What if by the grace of God, there was a different voice?

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What if by the grace of God, there was a voice that actually was rooted in truth?

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And then when I act upon that voice, I'll never be the same.

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I'll never be the same.

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So that, don't want to get away from the difficult reality of shame, but I don't want to get buried there without saying, look, there's an alternative voice that,

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When I become a believer, when I accept Jesus Christ as my personal Savior, I have to then immediately be told and begin to believe that I'm a new creation, Scott.

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Right.

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And when Christians are not taught that—

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to live into who they really are in Christ, even as a Christian, the voice of shame will continue to define them.

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Yeah, I think there's a great temptation or draw of Christians to believe the voice of shame will help me.

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And so they actually think that it can be used for good.

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Yes.

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Because somehow self-demeaning has value.

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It makes you sound godly.

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But what it is doing is denying the godliness you already have.

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Yeah.

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And so it's a lie.

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I'm going to jump back and forth, but coming back to the shame thing.

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So often what happens when I believe...

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the story of my shame, the voice of my shame, I rob you of my best.

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Right.

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When I trust the reality of who I am in Christ, you'll always get my best.

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Right.

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And you just think for a minute of that parallel reality.

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I'm a Christian.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And if my view of me is still defined by my shame, I am personally, you said this already, I am personally being robbed.

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But I rob you.

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Because these were your words.

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When I don't think I'm enough, I don't think you're enough.

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Yeah.

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I don't think we're enough.

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It's like natural.

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It's, yeah, it's...

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It's there.

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It's our natural response.

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Yeah.

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So let's be positive.

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We're going to talk a lot about this.

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Let's be positive.

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Yeah.

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What if God, in all of his wisdom and love, designed at Calvary an opportunity for me to no longer be defined by my shame?

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but to be defined by who he says I am.

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Yeah.

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And what if, this is a hard dynamic for a lot of people, my preoccupation with my shame will always cause the focus of my life to be on me.

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Yeah.

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How am I going to show up in this conversation?

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Am I going to say the right thing?

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What are people going to say when I say this?

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What do I have to do to be better than you?

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Yeah.

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There's a lot of voices of shame.

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Yeah.

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But it's interesting what Jesus says.

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Scott and Bill, you're my disciples.

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And you know what?

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The greatest evidence that you two guys are my disciples is the love you have for one another.

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Yeah.

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What?

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Wait a minute.

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So what I'm saying by that is his words, his testimony about you and me is this.

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We have to be so careful that we are helping people who are listening to us not deny the powerful voice of shame.

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Mm-hmm.

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But to imagine with us there's another voice.

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Yeah.

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And that voice has the ability to release, to release.

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Yeah.

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That which shame binds.

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Mm-hmm.

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For the love of another.

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For the benefit of another.

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Yeah.

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See, because in your opening, well done, you told me something about us.

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We're not enough.

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Our kids aren't enough.

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00:16:19.575 --> 00:16:19.755
Yeah.

246
00:16:19.955 --> 00:16:21.216
Our company's not enough.

247
00:16:21.316 --> 00:16:22.657
Our employees are not enough.

248
00:16:23.497 --> 00:16:24.918
And we take each other down.

249
00:16:25.659 --> 00:16:25.879
Yeah.

250
00:16:26.219 --> 00:16:27.200
Take each other down.

251
00:16:27.920 --> 00:16:32.403
Now, let's think that by that, just for a little bit, because there's lots of voices.

252
00:16:34.104 --> 00:16:35.605
I think I'd like to say this.

253
00:16:38.307 --> 00:16:45.312
Is it possible, Scott, for you to believe that by the grace of God you have another voice?

254
00:16:47.593 --> 00:16:49.755
It's not only possible, it's actually true.

255
00:16:50.135 --> 00:16:50.996
Exactly.

256
00:16:51.736 --> 00:16:52.016
Yeah.

257
00:16:52.557 --> 00:16:58.481
And is it possible for that other voice to become the prominent voice of your life?

258
00:16:59.333 --> 00:17:00.034
I think it is.

259
00:17:00.194 --> 00:17:00.914
It is, Scott.

260
00:17:01.034 --> 00:17:01.235
Yeah.

261
00:17:01.415 --> 00:17:01.775
It is.

262
00:17:02.516 --> 00:17:04.437
Is it possible, Bill, for that to be true?

263
00:17:04.837 --> 00:17:05.498
Yes, it is.

264
00:17:05.558 --> 00:17:06.559
Because it is true.

265
00:17:06.659 --> 00:17:06.879
Yeah.

266
00:17:07.639 --> 00:17:08.060
It is true.

267
00:17:08.080 --> 00:17:09.581
Now, you said a couple words.

268
00:17:09.881 --> 00:17:11.863
We'll talk maybe in another podcast about that.

269
00:17:11.883 --> 00:17:13.204
Yeah, we're going to tease them a little bit.

270
00:17:13.264 --> 00:17:13.504
Yeah.

271
00:17:13.884 --> 00:17:14.885
Because it is true.

272
00:17:15.385 --> 00:17:16.046
Absolutely.

273
00:17:16.266 --> 00:17:22.011
And so, because it's true, how do I hear that other voice?

274
00:17:22.371 --> 00:17:22.951
Exactly.

275
00:17:23.492 --> 00:17:25.313
I want to know how I hear that other voice.

276
00:17:25.373 --> 00:17:26.814
Tell me how to do that.

277
00:17:27.735 --> 00:17:28.035
You know?

278
00:17:28.215 --> 00:17:28.996
And I think...

279
00:17:30.236 --> 00:17:33.218
That's going to be the topic of next week's podcast.

280
00:17:33.318 --> 00:17:33.858
Good for you.

281
00:17:34.418 --> 00:17:37.900
So thanks for joining us this week on Living Influence.

282
00:17:38.640 --> 00:17:39.121
I'm loving.

283
00:17:39.141 --> 00:17:40.041
We're going to do this for a while.

284
00:17:40.061 --> 00:17:43.303
We're going to go for a while until we run out.

285
00:17:45.044 --> 00:17:54.108
Talking about the voice of shame and the voice of our inner being that God has caused to be born again.

286
00:17:54.448 --> 00:17:54.749
Amen.

287
00:17:55.569 --> 00:17:56.610
We hope to see you next week.

288
00:17:56.790 --> 00:17:58.831
We really appreciate you watching.

289
00:17:59.720 --> 00:18:00.283
We'll see you soon.

290
00:18:00.885 --> 00:18:01.247
Thank you.
