WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.431 --> 00:00:05.034
I hit every number I ever chased, and none of it fixed the thing I was actually running from.

2
00:00:06.275 --> 00:00:13.520
The deal closes, the number hits, the houses, the cars, the body, the women, the fun.

3
00:00:14.741 --> 00:00:18.444
And by Tuesday, I've already moved the goalpost to the next one.

4
00:00:19.745 --> 00:00:26.930
Or I'm pouring a drink at 6 p.m. to celebrate something you can't even feel.

5
00:00:28.110 --> 00:00:35.895
If you believe the next milestone is going to quiet what's going on inside of you, I need you to hear what happened when I got there.

6
00:00:37.155 --> 00:00:40.337
The thing that finally helped was nothing I could buy.

7
00:00:40.897 --> 00:00:44.119
At the end, I'll tell you exactly what it was.

8
00:00:45.500 --> 00:00:48.682
And the one question I ask myself every single day now.

9
00:00:49.602 --> 00:00:50.503
And it takes 10 seconds.

10
00:00:51.928 --> 00:01:04.492
This is my story with the parts I used to leave out, all included, all the dirty, darkest secrets that I used to be embarrassed to talk about.

11
00:01:04.512 --> 00:01:07.653
I'm going to start with the tough story.

12
00:01:08.673 --> 00:01:13.195
By the way, I'm Kelly Siegel and this is Harder Than Life, but you probably already knew that.

13
00:01:13.415 --> 00:01:14.715
For you new people, I apologize.

14
00:01:14.735 --> 00:01:15.415
I get excited.

15
00:01:15.876 --> 00:01:16.856
These are my favorite shows.

16
00:01:17.216 --> 00:01:19.077
I love the interviews on Tuesdays.

17
00:01:20.832 --> 00:01:23.237
We do them every other Friday in Fort Lauderdale, but...

18
00:01:24.389 --> 00:01:28.992
These solo episodes, they're so hard for me to prepare for and so hard for me to do.

19
00:01:29.673 --> 00:01:31.654
I love doing hard things.

20
00:01:31.694 --> 00:01:32.375
It means in growth.

21
00:01:32.415 --> 00:01:34.016
I love things that scare me.

22
00:01:34.036 --> 00:01:40.341
So please, if you're winning on the outside and losing inside, this episode will be for you.

23
00:01:40.401 --> 00:01:46.445
So subscribe on YouTube, follow on Spotify and Apple and Amazon, and think about who you can send this to.

24
00:01:46.485 --> 00:01:47.566
Man, I really appreciate it.

25
00:01:47.586 --> 00:01:49.488
So sorry, I'm going to tell you a story now.

26
00:01:49.528 --> 00:01:50.368
We're going to get into it.

27
00:01:51.589 --> 00:01:54.972
of why I chased the shiny new thing.

28
00:01:56.093 --> 00:01:59.195
My stepfather told me over and over, I would amount to nothing.

29
00:02:00.536 --> 00:02:04.119
And winning was the only control that I felt I had.

30
00:02:05.140 --> 00:02:10.685
So over and over, my stepfather, you're stupid, you're ignorant, you're dumb, you're too slow, you make too many mistakes.

31
00:02:11.425 --> 00:02:12.026
You're an idiot.

32
00:02:13.807 --> 00:02:14.528
You're a fuck up.

33
00:02:16.810 --> 00:02:18.231
You'll never amount to anything.

34
00:02:21.332 --> 00:02:24.994
So my answer was watch me or at the time hold my beer.

35
00:02:26.695 --> 00:02:30.456
Winning was the only control I had in that house.

36
00:02:30.716 --> 00:02:32.437
And boy, did I got all A's.

37
00:02:32.857 --> 00:02:35.679
I was a small kid and I was the best player in every sport.

38
00:02:36.219 --> 00:02:38.600
I just outworked everybody, out hustled everybody.

39
00:02:39.881 --> 00:02:48.945
My will to win overpowered anybody's will not to, as well as my stepfather's will to keep me small.

40
00:02:50.711 --> 00:02:52.332
Most high achievers aren't chasing a number.

41
00:02:52.352 --> 00:02:58.936
They're chasing the feeling they think they'll feel when they achieve said number.

42
00:03:00.997 --> 00:03:01.878
They'll feel safe.

43
00:03:02.078 --> 00:03:02.938
They'll feel enough.

44
00:03:03.319 --> 00:03:04.259
They'll feel worthy.

45
00:03:04.459 --> 00:03:05.360
They're finally done.

46
00:03:06.320 --> 00:03:07.281
There's a term for this.

47
00:03:07.301 --> 00:03:10.083
It's called a rival fallacy.

48
00:03:10.983 --> 00:03:15.826
It's from the Harvard positive psychology teacher, Tal Ben Shahar.

49
00:03:17.047 --> 00:03:18.908
The belief that when you arrive,

50
00:03:19.915 --> 00:03:20.656
You'll feel it.

51
00:03:21.696 --> 00:03:23.578
You arrive and you don't.

52
00:03:24.558 --> 00:03:27.100
I'm going to tell you all about it because I've been there and done that.

53
00:03:28.742 --> 00:03:29.762
I want you to start with this.

54
00:03:29.802 --> 00:03:31.063
Finish this sentence out loud.

55
00:03:31.123 --> 00:03:35.627
When I hit blank, I finally blank.

56
00:03:36.447 --> 00:03:39.470
Whatever's in that second blank is what you're actually chasing.

57
00:03:39.990 --> 00:03:40.671
Write that down.

58
00:03:41.351 --> 00:03:43.913
You'll need it at the end of this podcast.

59
00:03:45.234 --> 00:03:46.635
I filled in my blank with money.

60
00:03:48.606 --> 00:03:50.407
Here's how that went.

61
00:03:52.969 --> 00:03:53.529
I got the money.

62
00:03:54.930 --> 00:03:57.051
In my 20s, I chased money like it was auctions.

63
00:03:58.172 --> 00:03:59.873
It's the only thing I talked about.

64
00:03:59.933 --> 00:04:02.334
My friends would go nuts.

65
00:04:02.575 --> 00:04:06.117
All he ever talks about is working and growing and money.

66
00:04:06.497 --> 00:04:07.898
In my 30s, I earned it.

67
00:04:08.958 --> 00:04:14.502
And I blew it trying to buy the piece I hadn't earned yet.

68
00:04:15.572 --> 00:04:32.717
My mid forties, I had the houses, the cars, front row seats to every concert, every game, a company on fire, body like an Adonis, women everywhere, cut any line to any club, thought I was cool.

69
00:04:33.697 --> 00:04:37.058
I walked in my bathroom one night and saw it, the money, the muscles and the misery.

70
00:04:38.239 --> 00:04:41.960
Still the little kid from South Warren trying to earn love with performance.

71
00:04:45.650 --> 00:04:48.312
You can't out earn low self-worth, my friends.

72
00:04:48.332 --> 00:04:48.873
I tried.

73
00:04:49.153 --> 00:04:57.661
You can't stack cash on a cracked foundation, on a scared, broken nervous system.

74
00:04:58.942 --> 00:05:01.104
Here's the proof.

75
00:05:01.224 --> 00:05:10.692
A 2023 study by Daniel Kahneman and Matthew Killingsworth found that for most people, more money keeps nudging happiness up.

76
00:05:11.915 --> 00:05:15.596
But for the unhappiest 20%, it flattens out.

77
00:05:16.636 --> 00:05:17.916
More money stops helping.

78
00:05:18.536 --> 00:05:22.717
If you're already hurting inside, the raise won't reach it.

79
00:05:23.397 --> 00:05:29.979
I've said a thousand times, money won't make you happy, but happiness will make you money.

80
00:05:31.619 --> 00:05:37.280
Money does solve a lot of problems, but not the one in your head, and we're going to get into it.

81
00:05:37.960 --> 00:05:39.301
Remember, what is the old saying?

82
00:05:39.381 --> 00:05:40.841
Money is the root of all evil.

83
00:05:42.367 --> 00:05:45.570
My money was loud because my soul was quiet.

84
00:05:46.551 --> 00:05:48.553
My insecurities were loud too.

85
00:05:50.254 --> 00:05:51.295
Track your money like a rep.

86
00:05:51.516 --> 00:05:51.776
I do.

87
00:05:51.996 --> 00:05:52.496
Every dollar.

88
00:05:53.197 --> 00:05:55.840
But track one more number next to it.

89
00:05:57.301 --> 00:06:00.264
How many days this month did you feel at peace?

90
00:06:01.325 --> 00:06:01.805
True peace.

91
00:06:02.986 --> 00:06:07.050
And true peace is in your heart where you're really not chasing something.

92
00:06:08.259 --> 00:06:12.381
If the first number goes up and the second number doesn't move, you've got a problem.

93
00:06:13.442 --> 00:06:14.282
And there's your answer.

94
00:06:15.483 --> 00:06:16.223
It's what I did.

95
00:06:17.003 --> 00:06:20.405
I just kept hitting next one after next one after next one.

96
00:06:20.745 --> 00:06:22.506
I'll be happy when I hit six figures.

97
00:06:22.526 --> 00:06:24.127
I'll be happy when I hit mid six.

98
00:06:24.167 --> 00:06:25.668
I'll be happy when I hit seven figures.

99
00:06:25.688 --> 00:06:25.888
I'll be...

100
00:06:27.428 --> 00:06:27.969
Reverse it.

101
00:06:28.889 --> 00:06:31.410
Because it isn't, I'll believe it when I see it.

102
00:06:31.951 --> 00:06:34.212
When I believe it, I will see it.

103
00:06:34.292 --> 00:06:36.673
So what I say is, I'm happy now.

104
00:06:38.580 --> 00:06:41.742
I'm at peace now and money is coming.

105
00:06:43.203 --> 00:06:46.325
More than I made when I was chasing happiness.

106
00:06:47.846 --> 00:06:49.647
So I hit those business numbers too, man.

107
00:06:51.048 --> 00:06:56.271
I kept hitting the 1 million, the 2 million, the 3 million, the 4 million, the 5 million.

108
00:06:58.012 --> 00:07:00.574
We were stuck at 3 million for many, many years.

109
00:07:01.074 --> 00:07:04.256
I broke it down, implemented EOS, measured everything and then we boom.

110
00:07:05.256 --> 00:07:06.057
We had 5 million.

111
00:07:07.366 --> 00:07:08.606
I hit revenue numbers.

112
00:07:08.807 --> 00:07:09.707
I never thought I would.

113
00:07:10.727 --> 00:07:11.968
I believed they'd change everything.

114
00:07:13.308 --> 00:07:13.768
But they didn't.

115
00:07:14.428 --> 00:07:15.389
Everything felt flat.

116
00:07:15.849 --> 00:07:16.649
I felt defeated.

117
00:07:17.409 --> 00:07:20.831
And when business dipped even a little bit, I felt like a failure.

118
00:07:21.471 --> 00:07:22.511
My worth didn't change.

119
00:07:23.511 --> 00:07:24.252
The numbers did.

120
00:07:25.852 --> 00:07:27.473
So if you tie your worth together,

121
00:07:28.612 --> 00:07:33.415
to numbers, your worth goes down and up with the market.

122
00:07:34.496 --> 00:07:37.397
That's not confidence, that's a stock price.

123
00:07:38.218 --> 00:07:43.001
And believe me, in the next year, we're gonna feel it.

124
00:07:43.161 --> 00:07:46.723
You can see the numbers are trending in a real bad way.

125
00:07:47.023 --> 00:07:49.164
And it's midterms.

126
00:07:49.565 --> 00:07:53.327
So again, I'm not trying to be a political science major, but I've been watching this for years.

127
00:07:54.647 --> 00:08:00.628
And the way I'm seeing people spend money, please, please, please stop spending money and getting yourself in debt.

128
00:08:00.668 --> 00:08:01.609
That's just a side note.

129
00:08:02.449 --> 00:08:04.929
I see more people at their airports traveling.

130
00:08:05.649 --> 00:08:07.270
Credit card debt is through the roof.

131
00:08:08.070 --> 00:08:13.931
I see people refinancing their homes for a higher interest rate, doing home equity loans.

132
00:08:14.752 --> 00:08:15.432
Please don't do this.

133
00:08:15.992 --> 00:08:16.452
Please, please.

134
00:08:17.392 --> 00:08:18.672
Achievement is not fulfillment.

135
00:08:18.772 --> 00:08:21.133
The money will not make you happy.

136
00:08:22.487 --> 00:08:26.208
But fulfillment will make you money and it will help you achieve.

137
00:08:26.248 --> 00:08:27.049
They both matter.

138
00:08:27.589 --> 00:08:29.709
They're just measured on different scoreboards.

139
00:08:31.170 --> 00:08:32.810
Again, here's a general rule of thumb.

140
00:08:32.830 --> 00:08:35.891
I live by two scoreboards, one for business, reviewed.

141
00:08:35.911 --> 00:08:37.192
I review it.

142
00:08:38.164 --> 00:08:41.326
daily, but it's reviewed with the team weekly.

143
00:08:42.487 --> 00:08:47.411
And I do this on Sundays for my week as well.

144
00:08:47.471 --> 00:08:48.651
I review what I'm going to get done.

145
00:08:48.712 --> 00:08:53.495
So two different square boards, one for you, check daily, never let one stand in for the other.

146
00:08:55.174 --> 00:09:02.858
There's one system I run by, the guy who's worth rides the revenue line, brings that number home to dinner every night.

147
00:09:03.018 --> 00:09:04.478
Keep in mind, I was that guy.

148
00:09:04.598 --> 00:09:13.663
If something bad happened at work, I walked in that door, poured a bigger scotch, and bled all over my family that did not cut me.

149
00:09:14.883 --> 00:09:16.685
you probably are done if I am shaking your head.

150
00:09:17.145 --> 00:09:22.849
Boy, the kids and your significant other can feel this and they can read it on your face.

151
00:09:23.189 --> 00:09:25.431
Remember this stuff is caught, not taught.

152
00:09:26.271 --> 00:09:30.174
You, you can tell them all day long to not do, do as I say, not as I do.

153
00:09:30.194 --> 00:09:33.676
And they're going to follow in your footsteps case and study.

154
00:09:34.697 --> 00:09:36.498
I was just unpacking my stepfather today.

155
00:09:36.538 --> 00:09:36.799
Really?

156
00:09:36.839 --> 00:09:41.122
He was trying to tell me not to drink, but I followed right in his footsteps.

157
00:09:41.162 --> 00:09:41.622
Be a drunk.

158
00:09:44.888 --> 00:09:55.255
Guys, remember, if someone you know just hit a big number and seems emptier than ever, send them this episode and subscribe on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple, and Amazon.

159
00:09:56.676 --> 00:09:59.058
So you're here next week for the payoff.

160
00:09:59.158 --> 00:10:02.720
It'll let you know when the new shows come out every Tuesday and Thursday.

161
00:10:02.760 --> 00:10:04.962
So we're kind of coming up against it.

162
00:10:05.042 --> 00:10:09.965
What I was actually running from, if you follow me for any amount of time, you're going to know and you're going to be shaking your head.

163
00:10:09.985 --> 00:10:11.406
Yeah, I know what he's going to say next.

164
00:10:12.527 --> 00:10:13.948
Remember, uh...

165
00:10:14.858 --> 00:10:17.940
The drinking was the symptom, not the disease.

166
00:10:18.561 --> 00:10:30.889
I figured this out with several coaches, an IFS practitioner, EMDR therapist, and it showed me I was just punishing my inner child.

167
00:10:31.549 --> 00:10:32.670
He was acting a fool.

168
00:10:34.491 --> 00:10:37.853
20-some years of scotch at every feeling.

169
00:10:38.134 --> 00:10:39.515
Numbing is dumbing.

170
00:10:40.415 --> 00:10:44.238
Believe me, I aired several episodes about this.

171
00:10:45.331 --> 00:10:46.673
I thought the drinking was the problem.

172
00:10:47.373 --> 00:10:54.742
It was the symptom, the work, the workouts, the money, same thing, different bottle until you heal.

173
00:10:55.543 --> 00:10:56.104
What do they say?

174
00:10:56.484 --> 00:10:57.386
You want better fruit?

175
00:10:57.786 --> 00:10:58.867
Heal the root.

176
00:10:59.728 --> 00:11:02.612
The root was the mirror man.

177
00:11:04.429 --> 00:11:13.473
It took several strategic coaches, an IFS practitioner, several therapists, and several months of honesty to see it.

178
00:11:14.053 --> 00:11:15.294
I wasn't training my body.

179
00:11:16.374 --> 00:11:18.095
I wasn't chasing a number.

180
00:11:18.935 --> 00:11:21.856
I wasn't just punishing that child.

181
00:11:22.637 --> 00:11:32.541
Every rep, every 4 a.m. alarm was a kid trying to earn the right to exist, to be seen, and to be heard, and to be loved.

182
00:11:34.402 --> 00:11:39.124
If I just was big and strong, the world would love me, and then I'll love me.

183
00:11:40.685 --> 00:11:47.208
Underneath the chase for a lot of us, yes, I'm going to say it, shame and unworthiness.

184
00:11:49.029 --> 00:11:50.209
I used to say I'm not enough.

185
00:11:50.630 --> 00:11:51.390
I'm unlovable.

186
00:11:51.990 --> 00:11:53.111
I said it very quietly.

187
00:11:54.231 --> 00:11:55.372
Something's wrong with me.

188
00:11:56.052 --> 00:12:00.174
The numbers were my evidence against it, and the evidence never won the case.

189
00:12:01.800 --> 00:12:03.481
Oh, I'm part of a successful company.

190
00:12:03.501 --> 00:12:04.342
Of course I'm worthy.

191
00:12:06.464 --> 00:12:07.985
Not when I looked in the mirror, my friends.

192
00:12:10.467 --> 00:12:11.948
I'm going to give you it in plain English.

193
00:12:12.028 --> 00:12:13.349
No woo-woo and no fluff.

194
00:12:13.950 --> 00:12:22.237
The drink, the deal, the workout, the affair, the scroll, the eating, the cannabis.

195
00:12:23.077 --> 00:12:24.699
Take one away and another one shows up.

196
00:12:25.159 --> 00:12:26.420
That's how you know it's a symptom.

197
00:12:28.089 --> 00:12:30.131
You cannot audit the room you're standing in.

198
00:12:30.171 --> 00:12:34.335
I tried to fix it alone for 40 years and failed miserably.

199
00:12:35.656 --> 00:12:38.038
Rule, here's a rule that I live by.

200
00:12:38.058 --> 00:12:39.239
We'll call it a seagullism.

201
00:12:40.000 --> 00:12:42.802
One person who isn't on your payroll gets to look at your life.

202
00:12:44.063 --> 00:12:46.305
A coach, a counselor, a therapist, one.

203
00:12:48.888 --> 00:12:52.351
And take their message, even if it's a mess.

204
00:12:52.371 --> 00:12:53.272
Do you want my help?

205
00:12:54.448 --> 00:13:02.832
finding one of these people to best match you so you don't waste your time and money, people that actually sell the proof and not the promise, email me, kelly at heartandlife.com.

206
00:13:02.872 --> 00:13:07.895
I'll send you to people that I have worked with and that I've been on the show and that are the real deal.

207
00:13:08.975 --> 00:13:11.316
So what actually happened when I did all this work?

208
00:13:12.797 --> 00:13:14.038
What actually helped?

209
00:13:15.478 --> 00:13:16.499
What moved the needle?

210
00:13:17.379 --> 00:13:18.620
Nothing I could buy.

211
00:13:19.473 --> 00:13:19.813
Nothing.

212
00:13:20.615 --> 00:13:24.459
The payoff came from nothing I could buy.

213
00:13:25.401 --> 00:13:36.955
When I finally sat with that kid, that loud kid that was governing everything, my inner child, the first thing he said was, thank you for seeing me.

214
00:13:38.137 --> 00:13:38.978
I'd never seen him.

215
00:13:39.238 --> 00:13:40.139
I always abandoned him.

216
00:13:41.160 --> 00:13:50.430
He'd been waiting for 40 plus years, acting a fool, making me do stupid things, things that I regret, things I'm ashamed of.

217
00:13:50.550 --> 00:13:52.472
But I'd share them all with you to pay it forward.

218
00:13:52.572 --> 00:13:53.693
Don't be stupid like me.

219
00:13:55.255 --> 00:13:56.697
Address that little inner child.

220
00:13:56.717 --> 00:13:57.337
We all have them.

221
00:13:57.938 --> 00:13:59.500
Even if we grew up a great childhood,

222
00:14:00.783 --> 00:14:07.444
Usually, pro tip guys, if somebody starts off with, I grew up in a great family.

223
00:14:08.405 --> 00:14:09.385
Everything was perfect.

224
00:14:10.505 --> 00:14:17.766
They're usually the people that I've interviewed that have a harder time finding that inner child, that loud inner child.

225
00:14:19.147 --> 00:14:21.827
In the work, I found three parts running my life.

226
00:14:22.387 --> 00:14:24.308
A driver, a protector, and that little kid.

227
00:14:24.948 --> 00:14:26.148
The driver chased numbers.

228
00:14:26.923 --> 00:14:30.005
The protector drank alcohol and chased women.

229
00:14:30.485 --> 00:14:31.646
Hoorah, that was fun.

230
00:14:31.826 --> 00:14:33.426
Yeah, until it wasn't.

231
00:14:34.687 --> 00:14:39.610
The kid just wanted to be told he was enough and that he was safe and he was okay and he was lovable.

232
00:14:40.490 --> 00:14:42.271
None of that came from a bank account, guys.

233
00:14:42.331 --> 00:14:42.691
None of it.

234
00:14:43.432 --> 00:14:48.835
It came from the coaching, counseling, and doing the work like it was my job.

235
00:14:49.515 --> 00:14:53.357
And believe me, it's the most important job that you have.

236
00:14:54.077 --> 00:14:55.038
Get your mind right.

237
00:14:55.779 --> 00:14:56.700
Get your grind right.

238
00:14:57.280 --> 00:15:03.665
Which, teaser alert, is the subtitle of my next book, Healthier Than Life.

239
00:15:04.226 --> 00:15:09.030
I have the things sitting out, and I'm going to start writing it soon, so it'll be out sometime next year.

240
00:15:09.850 --> 00:15:11.091
Again, none of that came from my bank account.

241
00:15:11.111 --> 00:15:11.852
It came from doing the work.

242
00:15:12.452 --> 00:15:15.275
Kind of like my muscles.

243
00:15:16.155 --> 00:15:18.217
None of it came from any enhancements, any supplements.

244
00:15:18.237 --> 00:15:19.038
It came from doing the work.

245
00:15:20.599 --> 00:15:21.840
I changed the scoreboard.

246
00:15:22.481 --> 00:15:23.701
My old metrics was...

247
00:15:24.531 --> 00:15:25.611
Did they take my advice?

248
00:15:25.991 --> 00:15:26.892
Did I hit the number?

249
00:15:28.052 --> 00:15:30.032
Now it's one prompt on my phone every day.

250
00:15:31.613 --> 00:15:34.053
And I will see if I can share it with you.

251
00:15:34.293 --> 00:15:36.534
It says exactly this, my friends.

252
00:15:37.354 --> 00:15:44.176
It says, stay in self today, surrender, retire from the rescue business.

253
00:15:45.036 --> 00:15:48.237
Peace and joy are not created, they just are.

254
00:15:49.138 --> 00:15:49.838
You can see that.

255
00:15:49.958 --> 00:15:52.059
If you're watching this on YouTube, I'm holding it up.

256
00:15:52.299 --> 00:15:53.159
Hopefully you can see it.

257
00:15:53.179 --> 00:15:54.180
I think it's a little blurry.

258
00:15:55.240 --> 00:15:56.380
If you want, I'll send it to you.

259
00:15:56.881 --> 00:15:57.861
Stay in self today.

260
00:15:59.662 --> 00:16:11.285
What self means in one sentence, no woo-woo, the calm, clear version of you that's in charge when the old parts aren't driving.

261
00:16:12.306 --> 00:16:13.066
Guys, we know him.

262
00:16:14.066 --> 00:16:15.907
He shows up in crisis and handles it.

263
00:16:17.368 --> 00:16:18.708
Actually, I call that guy Siegel.

264
00:16:20.050 --> 00:16:20.970
That's how I Siegel did.

265
00:16:23.091 --> 00:16:26.291
So I always give you guys steps.

266
00:16:26.331 --> 00:16:28.011
This time is a four-step process.

267
00:16:28.212 --> 00:16:31.812
Number one, step one, set a reminder for the same time every day.

268
00:16:31.892 --> 00:16:33.472
Mine says, did you stay in self?

269
00:16:33.512 --> 00:16:34.113
You just saw it.

270
00:16:34.993 --> 00:16:37.333
Step two, when it goes off, answer yes or no.

271
00:16:38.153 --> 00:16:39.974
Did I stay in self today?

272
00:16:40.634 --> 00:16:41.254
No essay.

273
00:16:42.054 --> 00:16:44.555
Step three, if it's a no, write one line.

274
00:16:44.615 --> 00:16:45.835
Which part was driving?

275
00:16:46.315 --> 00:16:47.135
Who had the wheels?

276
00:16:47.978 --> 00:16:52.900
The driver, the protector, or the kid, or whatever you guys call them.

277
00:16:54.040 --> 00:16:55.761
Get with a therapist and you'll name them.

278
00:16:57.022 --> 00:17:01.283
Step four, go back to the blank you wrote in the first part of this episode.

279
00:17:01.904 --> 00:17:05.125
When I hit blank, I'll finally blank.

280
00:17:05.965 --> 00:17:07.226
The second blank is the feeling.

281
00:17:07.286 --> 00:17:08.146
Stop trying to buy it.

282
00:17:08.206 --> 00:17:09.987
Start practicing it.

283
00:17:11.137 --> 00:17:12.418
And why do I do this daily?

284
00:17:13.319 --> 00:17:15.080
The numbers get reviewed weekly.

285
00:17:15.540 --> 00:17:18.682
You get reviewed every day because you show up every day.

286
00:17:18.742 --> 00:17:19.823
And what do I tell you guys?

287
00:17:20.223 --> 00:17:21.804
Why do we shower every day?

288
00:17:21.844 --> 00:17:23.405
Because it works.

289
00:17:23.986 --> 00:17:25.967
If not, you will stink.

290
00:17:26.407 --> 00:17:27.008
Don't stink.

291
00:17:27.368 --> 00:17:28.389
We don't want you to stink.

292
00:17:29.589 --> 00:17:36.594
And believe me, not measuring this happiness, this peaceful number, the staying in self number, you'll stink.

293
00:17:37.255 --> 00:17:39.256
You'll stink and everybody will smell you.

294
00:17:40.749 --> 00:17:41.830
I hear this excuse a lot.

295
00:17:41.930 --> 00:17:43.071
This sounds soft.

296
00:17:44.372 --> 00:17:45.954
It's the hardest rep I do, man.

297
00:17:46.174 --> 00:17:46.935
It's not soft.

298
00:17:47.695 --> 00:17:50.218
Hitting a number is easy for guys like us.

299
00:17:50.438 --> 00:17:52.059
Staying in self.

300
00:17:53.181 --> 00:17:55.703
When the number hits or doesn't is the real work.

301
00:17:56.023 --> 00:17:57.344
Doing it on the hard days.

302
00:17:57.384 --> 00:18:00.127
That's why it's named Harder Than Life, not Easier Than Life.

303
00:18:00.487 --> 00:18:01.068
Most won't.

304
00:18:01.668 --> 00:18:02.109
You will.

305
00:18:03.150 --> 00:18:04.251
This is what it gave me, man.

306
00:18:04.991 --> 00:18:06.393
Joy and peace.

307
00:18:07.952 --> 00:18:10.075
not the scoreboard, not the accolades.

308
00:18:11.257 --> 00:18:15.142
I've had the numbers without the piece, and I'll take the piece every time.

309
00:18:15.900 --> 00:18:18.401
And when I get the piece, it feels a little unfamiliar.

310
00:18:18.641 --> 00:18:19.702
It feels very unfamiliar.

311
00:18:20.963 --> 00:18:22.343
I don't know what's going to happen next.

312
00:18:22.363 --> 00:18:23.864
So I sit in the unknown a lot.

313
00:18:23.984 --> 00:18:27.986
So remember uncomfortable, unfamiliar and unknown means you're growing.

314
00:18:28.547 --> 00:18:33.810
If everything feels familiar, you're doing the same thing over and over and over again, expecting a different result.

315
00:18:34.410 --> 00:18:40.273
So get in those uncomfortable, unfamiliar and stay in the unknown.

316
00:18:41.968 --> 00:18:44.870
How you do that, silence, solitude, and stillness.

317
00:18:45.491 --> 00:18:46.912
All the things that we don't do.

318
00:18:47.993 --> 00:18:54.358
So again, my simple and easy question, once a day, yes or no, did I stay in self today?

319
00:18:55.259 --> 00:18:56.680
Thank you guys for being here, man.

320
00:18:56.700 --> 00:18:59.202
This was a fun one to record.

321
00:19:00.223 --> 00:19:05.868
As you can tell, the piece of me has brought my tone and tonality down.

322
00:19:06.448 --> 00:19:10.872
If you listen to some of the earlier Thursday episodes, I feel, I felt I was angry.

323
00:19:12.057 --> 00:19:16.218
It was that angry inner child lecturing you.

324
00:19:17.198 --> 00:19:21.559
So right now, you'll see me taking my time, going slow, riffing.

325
00:19:22.179 --> 00:19:27.800
I have a few notes in front of me, but most of this is from my heart and my soul and my peace.

326
00:19:28.380 --> 00:19:32.561
So I chased the number to prove a voice wrong.

327
00:19:32.781 --> 00:19:37.942
I got the money, the business, the body, and it fixed nothing because it was never the problem.

328
00:19:38.422 --> 00:19:41.403
The thing that helped was nothing I could buy.

329
00:19:42.657 --> 00:19:46.461
Remember, one question, did I stay in self today?

330
00:19:47.503 --> 00:19:49.946
I thought success was a finish line.

331
00:19:51.307 --> 00:19:52.048
It was the mirror.

332
00:19:52.889 --> 00:19:56.874
If you're winning out on the outside and losing on the inside, this one's for you.

333
00:19:57.554 --> 00:20:00.698
Tell me the number you thought would fix it.

334
00:20:02.320 --> 00:20:03.301
Send it in my DMs.

335
00:20:03.821 --> 00:20:04.802
Send it to me in email.

336
00:20:05.522 --> 00:20:07.104
I read them all and I will respond.

337
00:20:07.884 --> 00:20:09.726
Email's kelly at harderthanlife.com.

338
00:20:10.766 --> 00:20:13.829
If what's underneath is heavy, don't do this alone.

339
00:20:14.329 --> 00:20:17.611
A coach, a counselor, a doctor, just one person.

340
00:20:17.712 --> 00:20:18.252
Seek help.

341
00:20:19.353 --> 00:20:24.417
And make sure that that person is excelling in the area that you're reaching out to.

342
00:20:24.617 --> 00:20:25.878
Someone who's done the work.

343
00:20:27.019 --> 00:20:28.580
Someone who's winning.

344
00:20:29.628 --> 00:20:32.349
The person at the top who looks like he has it all.

345
00:20:33.389 --> 00:20:37.650
Subscribe on YouTube and follow him on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.

346
00:20:37.690 --> 00:20:42.072
Save it for the day you hit your next number and feel empty.

347
00:20:42.812 --> 00:20:48.213
Remember, I'm Kelly Siegel, and I'm reminding you to face your fears, to live your dreams.

348
00:20:48.413 --> 00:20:50.554
Until next Thursday, be harder than life.

349
00:20:51.585 --> 00:20:53.066
Please rate and share this podcast.

350
00:20:53.126 --> 00:20:56.969
I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Segal supporters.

351
00:20:57.369 --> 00:21:08.198
Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity.

352
00:21:08.598 --> 00:21:11.340
Visit TrustNTM.com for more info.

353
00:21:11.620 --> 00:21:13.642
Until next week, be harder than life.