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Have you ever thought that your hidden issues rob you of the ability to honor the trust of others? Welcome to this week's episode of Living Influence. Bill, this is a crazy topic because I can't imagine there are very many people who actually could say, I never have any hidden issues. And so leaders with hidden issues are robbing...

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the people who are trusting them. Tell me more about that. If I have hidden issues in my life, I have this predisposition to believe it's just a private matter. It's just my struggles. It's my shame. God and I are working on it. But what's really happening is my hidden issues are separating me from

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from you when you don't know it. That's the tragedy. You don't know it yet. As my wife wisely said to me years ago, she said, I knew I was losing Bill to something. I just didn't know what. I know he was present, but he was never here. I was separated from reality because my hidden issues were defining a part of me that I thought I was hiding well.

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And what happens, Scott, is when I'm hiding, I give you a false reality. You are trusting who you think I am. And yet I, because of my hiddenness, I need to understand I can't honor the trust you have in me. But you say the people that are trusting you don't know it, but they know something is off. That's what your wife Grace was saying.

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what I was losing Bill to, but I knew I was losing him to something. Yes. Because you, you weren't present. Exactly. And so it's kind of like our hidden issues steal part of our ability to be present. Right. Stay right there for a minute. Yeah. And when they do that.

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The person who is trusting us, I can't honor their trust. I wish I could, but I can't because the reason I can't honor their trust is because they're putting their trust in a false reality, who they think I am. So help me with the words, I can't honor their trust. What does that mean, to honor their trust?

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When you or somebody chooses to trust me, I have a tremendous opportunity to do a lot of things. Love you, speak truth in your life, give you guidance.

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But when you unwittingly are putting your trust into a person who has severe or not even necessarily severe but hidden issues, that person with the hidden issues is actually in their hiddenness because of their shame, not really wanting your trust. If you really knew me, you wouldn't trust me. But I'm afraid to tell you what is true about me.

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so that if you really knew me, you wouldn't trust me. I'm actually robbing them of something. I'm taking away from them. They might want to be trusting you, but the leader with the hidden issues is like, no, no, no, no, don't trust me. You shouldn't trust me. And that's like a dialogue that's not even spoken, but experienced.

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When someone trusts me, they're looking for some degree of hope. And when I don't honor that trust, literally I'm robbing them of that hope. Scott, you and I have come across lots and lots of people in our lives. And as I come across leaders often in many, very many settings...

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their close associates, or most often their mates, are just unbelievably affected by what's disclosed from the hiddenness. And I've seen people, Scott, so deeply, deeply affected by the behavior of a mate or a dear friend or a leader because that's not who they thought they were.

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And I'm going to say something here, and I'm probably going to repeat it often. I call it a simple math dynamic. I cannot honor your trust and hide from you at the same time. One of those two realities has to go.

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I either stay hidden and dishonor your trust, or by the grace of God, I begin to disclose what I'm hiding so I can honor your trust.

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Now, Bill, how does this work when we have all kinds of different spheres in our lives? So I have the sphere of my marriage. I have the sphere of children. I have the sphere of friends. And I have the sphere of work. And so what if I got something going on with my kids and...

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and I'm embarrassed about it, and I'm trying to figure it out. And so while I'm trying to figure it out, it's hidden. But I'm dealing with somebody at work. How does that play? Does it still affect that relationship at work? You're struggling with a child, and you're wanting to protect that child by not telling others.

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And that's what you should do. You're a good dad. Here's the key to that. It's not necessarily the business associate that needs to know, but somebody does, Scott. Somebody does. The reality is, who are the who in my life that I am trusting with my reality? Not everybody in my life.

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But who are the who? And so as you as a leader would struggle with one of your children over maybe even a serious matter, no, you're not going to share that in the business environment, but there has to be an environment where it is shared.

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Because it is affecting you. Even in the business environment, somebody might know, hey, what's wrong with Scott? Something's going on with Scott. And if Scott in those moments can say, yeah, listen, I'm dealing with something. Some friends of mine are coming around me. Thanks for your concern.

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They don't have to know the issue, but somebody does. I say that, Scott, because of the number of times that I've sat across, so to speak, from Christian leaders who nobody knew, quote, their stuff until it comes out of hiding. And then it's just like a domino effect. Everybody gets—the penalty is for everybody.

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It's an amazing distinction, Scott, when somebody who is struggling with an issue chooses to trust one other person with that issue. It is amazing how it changes that person's ability to face others. And so I say to leaders, I say to parents, I say to anybody actually right now who's listening, listen, here's a critical truth about this podcast.

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There are ways for you to trust somebody with your reality, because that's called grace. And somebody who you are trusting with your reality is helping all the bodies that are being affected and influenced by your life. Isn't that a beautiful thing? A somebody...

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who is available to you to help you break out of the hiding, is literally giving a gift to all of the people in your life that you are affecting. That's the essence of this question. Does everybody need to know everything about me? Absolutely not.

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But somebody does. How important is it for a person to have someone else that trusts them? That's another whole podcast. That's a great question, Scott. It's a great question. Here's a quick answer, but really meaningful, I think. Trust, as we've said multiple times, is this critical relational word that,

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So it's not only that I need to trust innately in my being is this profound need to be trusted. For you or somebody to actually believe that I could make a contribution to your life,

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is a profound positive effect on me. You know, the wisdom of Jesus, he said, I'll tell you what, I got an insight here for you guys. I want to tell you something. Your love for each other is the greatest witness that you are mine. That means that every one of us, God, needs to be both loved and a lover, right?

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And I don't think it's an imbalance. I think it's the same. I think the need to be loved and the need to love are the same. We're designed that way. And so as I think about this subject of hiding, I know a lot of people that are listening don't think the way I think. I accept that. But I think this is true.

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I wonder how many of us have ever thought that my choosing to hide robs me of honoring your trust. Listen to these next words. Which robs you of ever receiving my love. Because trust and love go hand in hand. And so this, I started off with a leader, but it really is anyone.

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Anyone who has hiddenness robs the ability to honor other people's trust. Exactly. Robs themselves of the ability to honor other people's trust. It's the degree to which I trust you that I experience your love.

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And if that trust is false, then our love has a false foundation. And it's tragic. The consequences are tragic. Yeah. I love the scripture in Ephesians. And it says, when all the parts are fitted together properly. Amen. Amen.

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The whole body grows in love. Amen. And this fitting together is involved with grace because it's involved with being open. It's being in the light, not having things hidden.

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So that trust can happen, so that love can be exchanged, so that love can transform people. It's an amazing consequence. And so here's our hope. I want to give a hope at the end of this. What I want to say is, because I have sat across the table from a lot of people who have failed because of their hiddenness,

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Could you begin to trust somebody with what is true about you? I say to a lot of people, where would I begin? Go up to somebody, say to them, hey, would you like to spend some time with me and see if we can learn how to develop each other's trust?

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That other person may look at you, and you may have to find another person. But somebody might say, yeah, I'd like to try that. Because that dynamic, until I trust somebody with me, whatever I'm hiding will never be broken.

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Yeah, whatever I hide will define me. I think I've heard that statement. Whatever I hide, I will repeat again. I've heard that statement before. Yeah. So, okay, so we're talking about trust and love and honoring the trust of others by not being hidden. Let's connect this back to Jesus.

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Where would you take that? Take me there. I would actually take you right back to the very scripture I just quoted. Of course, in all of his wisdom, when he said to the disciples, it's your love for one another that more than anything validates it, you are mine. Because he, of course, understood better than I can say it, of course, he knew there was no experiencing love without trust. Yeah.

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So he knew when he was saying to them, love one another, he was saying to them, and that will require you to trust one another. And when he said that, he began to open the possibilities of those Ephesian words you spoke, open the possibility of the purpose of God being realized when we trust each other with who we really are.

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Yeah, it's beautiful. So when I have hiddenness and I show up in a room, I'm coming with only part of myself. And I'm robbing the room of my whole essence because I've hidden large chunks of myself to hide what I'm afraid of. Exactly. Yeah, wow. I think that's a good lesson.

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Oh, so much in this lesson. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. Yeah. All right. So, as a leader, when I hide, I rob others of me. Exactly.

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Exactly. Yeah. Let's begin to trust God that he can help us take these kind of bold steps to find another to trust. Amen. All right. We'll call that a wrap. We hope to see you next week on Living Influence. Thanks for joining us this week. Thanks a lot, Bill.

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Thanks again for listening to Living Influence. We appreciate you. We'd love it if you'd go to livinginfluence.com, contact us, and send us an email. We'd love to know what you're thinking. See you next week.