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Anger is weakness. Neutrality is strength. Empathy is the strongest.

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Welcome to the Jim Secrets Podcast where you talk about how to get more customers,

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how to make more per customer, and how to keep them longer, and the many failures

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and lessons that we have learned along the way. I hope you enjoy and subscribe.

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What's going on everyone? Hope you guys are having a phenomenal Friday. I wanted to make a

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little video for you, a podcast for you, about a conflict that I recently encountered.

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And it was something that was really interesting for me to go through in retrospect.

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And I wanted to give you the result of the conversation I had with a friend of mine,

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an old friend of mine, who's a PhD in psychology. He spent two years or three years

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being the frontline suicide hotline pickup person. And when I say this guy just says skin,

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thick as bullet proof, whatever something, Kevlar, I mean it. And it's the kind of person

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that if you were to point a gun at him, he would probably just light a cigarette and be like,

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so what about this makes you feel powerful? He's that kind of guy who's G. So anyways,

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I was having this conversation and I had a long time vendor call up enraged. I mean,

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belligerate with rage. And I had truly no idea what they were talking about.

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And they thought that we had stole some sort of IP from them. And it was something that it was

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literally free on the internet that they were giving away. And so I was like, what is going on?

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Like I had no idea why they were calling that we couldn't even get a word an edge-wise.

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Like literally like shouting at the top of their voice, just calling us like, I'm going to

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finish you and you're like, wow. Okay, there's some things that you need to deal with. Now,

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what was interesting for me was to see how I looked back on how I handled that. So I called my

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friend up and I was like, what do you say in these situations? Like how do you deal with this?

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And I figure this is just an extreme example of kind of how we encounter conflict in

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conversation with employees. And sometimes even conversations with prospects, right? Because

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sometimes like whenever you have this like feeling this pit in your stomach all the time,

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it's just adrenaline, right? Quarters all that's like kicking in. And so he said something to me

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that was really simple and profound. He's like, if you have a gun pointed at you, this is the frame.

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He's like, is that what was going on? And I was like, no. He's like, oh, it was like, he was like

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laughing. He was like, oh, you know, gun pointed at you. He was like, that's like the easy stuff,

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right? It was just hilarious. And so he's like, there's three frames, right? He's like,

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anger is weakness. He's like, neutrality is strength. Empathy is the strongest.

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And I was incredibly proud of myself because I tend to be an escalator. I'm not, I'm usually like,

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if someone gets in my face, like I usually escalate. And so I was actually super proud of myself for

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like not escalating this conversation and trying to maintain neutrality and ask questions like,

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what do you mean by that? I don't understand. Rather than being like, you know, well, I won't even

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say what I would sit back. But it's okay. Point is, that has been really helpful for me having

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that conversation with him in thinking about how I deal with employees and how I deal with a

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prospect. And it kind of reverts back to what we talked about in sales where, I mean, if you're

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going to say rapport wins wars, number one, you've probably also, let me say that I think one or

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two podcasts ago, and this has been repeated in our community. The person who cares the most about

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the buyer's interest wins the frame, right? Which is another way of saying, if you can truly empathize,

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empathize, care about the other person, understand where they are coming from. You have the strongest

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frame. You will always win. Hey guys, love that you're listening to the podcast. If you ever want to

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have the video version of this, which usually has more facts, more visuals, more graphs, you know,

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drawn out stuff, sometimes it can help hit the brain centers in different ways. You can check

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on my YouTube channel. It's absolutely free to check that out if that's what you are into. And if not,

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keep enjoying the show. Right. And so when I think about that in conflict, if I like, and I'm

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trying to rewire my brain with this, so maybe this will be useful for you, but I'm just sharing what

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I'm like actively working on in my own head is if someone comes at me and they're upset where I have

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somebody on the phone and they get angry or they, they seem offended to instead, because my,

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my goal was to be neutral. Like my life goal in conflict was just to remain neutral. But he just

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like escalated the game for me. He was like, Oh no, like empathy is the strongest frame. And I was

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like, God hadn't even thought about caring about what they thought. Like I'm trying to just not be

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angry. You know, but it's just been like, it's been really interesting for me to think about it from

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that perspective. And you can probably think of times right now in your life where you were

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maybe angry or or or or lash back. And maybe neutrality was like the only thing you could get to.

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But you could imagine the strongest version of yourself when this person calls you belligerent

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with rage for no apparent reason can just think, let me think why this person might be angry. Right.

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And let me put myself in their shoes with their experiences, their background, the things that

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they're projecting onto the situation. And let me put those glasses on so that I can approach

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this because the thing is is you can't use your own level of reason, especially when someone's

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being unreasonable. You can't use your reason. It's just going to escalate the situation. So it's like

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you kind of have to step into their shoes and look through their distorted lens of the world

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to try and understand their reasoning and then kind of step by step remove layers of filters to

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that lens to hopefully bring them back to reality. And this is just kind of like the the summarized

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short version of the conversation that I had with my with my my friend and the the PhD, the doctor.

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Dr. Dr. Dr. T West, if you're listening, I know you sometimes do. So that's my shout out.

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And this guy's a G. And so anyways, listening to how he resolves conflict, people who are suicidal,

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people who want to jump off bridges, like he did that literally like 40 hours a week for two

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years. Like it was just talking people off bridges, talking people who are drunk, who have no,

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you know, like reasoning power. And I think if we can if we can approach prospects like that and

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not be offended and think no, this is like I think at the base level, we get offended because we

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make it about us. I think that's I think that's real. Like we get offended because we think it's

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about us. We think what they're saying is a reflection of us. And that's just not reality. It's

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about them. And if we can kind of live in their little world, then we can ultimately win the frame

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by having the highest amount of care for them and care even more for them than they do. And so I

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think that that whole concept of caring more about the buyer really applies to everything, not just

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sales, but when you're talking to a vendor, when you're talking to your spouse,

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when you're talking to like whoever it is, I think I think I'm taking sales ideology and applying

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to the real world and it works. But anyways, maybe maybe that was useful for you. For me,

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it was incredibly enlightening just remembering that anger is weakness. So whenever you express

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anger, you lose the frame automatically, right? Unless you have a guy, right? But you lose the frame.

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If you can just be neutral, you are much stronger than somebody who's angry. And if you can truly

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empathize with the person, then you will always win the conversation. And so I thought that was

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really powerful for me. I thought I would share it with you. I hope you guys have a normal Friday

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and you're closing sales and having an amazing day. I'll catch you guys soon. Bye.