WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.920 It would be harder for me to find someone now 2 00:00:01.920 --> 00:00:03.560 than to find someone when I did that. 3 00:00:03.560 --> 00:00:06.040 Finding somebody who basically would have gone 4 00:00:06.040 --> 00:00:11.200 through the same stimuli that I went through over the last decade 5 00:00:11.200 --> 00:00:14.120 with Leila to get to where I right now, 6 00:00:14.120 --> 00:00:15.720 it would be almost impossible to put someone else 7 00:00:15.720 --> 00:00:18.560 through the same gauntlet so they could be shaped the same way. 8 00:00:21.960 --> 00:00:24.000 Welcome to the game where we talk about how to sell more stuff 9 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:27.000 to more people in more ways and build businesses worth owning. 10 00:00:27.000 --> 00:00:28.440 I'm trying to build a billion dollar thing 11 00:00:28.440 --> 00:00:29.640 with acquisition.com. 12 00:00:29.680 --> 00:00:31.320 I always wish pesos, musk and buffet 13 00:00:31.320 --> 00:00:32.600 had documented their journey, 14 00:00:32.600 --> 00:00:33.840 so I'm doing it for the rest of us. 15 00:00:33.840 --> 00:00:34.920 Please share and enjoy. 16 00:00:37.400 --> 00:00:39.080 The person you spend the rest of your life with 17 00:00:39.080 --> 00:00:41.200 will have the largest impact on who you become, 18 00:00:41.200 --> 00:00:43.560 what you achieve, and how happy you are. 19 00:00:43.560 --> 00:00:47.200 But most people spend more time deciding what car they want to buy 20 00:00:47.200 --> 00:00:48.840 or what neighborhood they're going to live in 21 00:00:48.840 --> 00:00:50.760 than the person they're going to marry. 22 00:00:50.760 --> 00:00:51.960 And that's dumb. 23 00:00:51.960 --> 00:00:52.800 When I was in college, 24 00:00:52.800 --> 00:00:54.800 there was a graph they put on the board of my economics class 25 00:00:54.800 --> 00:00:56.880 that said that there's a 0.71 correlation 26 00:00:56.880 --> 00:00:58.600 between your subjective wellbeing 27 00:00:58.600 --> 00:00:59.880 and the strength of your relationship 28 00:00:59.880 --> 00:01:01.520 with your significant other. 29 00:01:01.520 --> 00:01:02.720 And so I was like, oh, 30 00:01:02.720 --> 00:01:04.640 so like everybody who wants to be happy 31 00:01:04.640 --> 00:01:06.680 which is, we'll just put a pin in that for a second. 32 00:01:06.680 --> 00:01:09.400 But if that is their stated desire, 33 00:01:09.400 --> 00:01:11.240 you have a 0.71 correlation 34 00:01:11.240 --> 00:01:13.520 between the strength of your relationship 35 00:01:13.520 --> 00:01:14.760 with your significant other. 36 00:01:14.760 --> 00:01:17.440 And if you pair that with amount of time spent 37 00:01:17.440 --> 00:01:22.440 with friends, family, kids, alone and spouse over time, 38 00:01:24.120 --> 00:01:27.680 alone and spouse go up and everything else crashes down 39 00:01:27.720 --> 00:01:29.320 to almost nothing. 40 00:01:29.320 --> 00:01:32.120 And so the person that you were going to spend the most amount 41 00:01:32.120 --> 00:01:34.000 of time for the rest of your life with 42 00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:37.640 is going to be your spouse or partner, whatever. 43 00:01:37.640 --> 00:01:42.440 And so it makes sense to think about who you're going to be with. 44 00:01:42.440 --> 00:01:44.880 I think people wildly underestimate how important it is. 45 00:01:44.880 --> 00:01:47.800 And the amount of single people that I see right now 46 00:01:47.800 --> 00:01:50.160 who are like, I don't want to be on the apps, 47 00:01:50.160 --> 00:01:51.000 the apps don't work. 48 00:01:51.000 --> 00:01:54.320 It's like, we're talking about finding the one person 49 00:01:54.320 --> 00:01:56.320 you're going to be with for the rest of your life 50 00:01:56.320 --> 00:01:57.680 that you're going to spend the most amount of time 51 00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:02.240 with out of all humans by like a wide, wide margin. 52 00:02:02.240 --> 00:02:04.440 And you're like, I don't want to go on more than 10 dates. 53 00:02:04.440 --> 00:02:06.840 It's like, so you just want to spin the wheel 10 times 54 00:02:06.840 --> 00:02:09.160 to just pick whatever of the 10 that you get 55 00:02:09.160 --> 00:02:11.680 that you're like, I guess this one doesn't suck. 56 00:02:11.680 --> 00:02:12.600 And then that's it. 57 00:02:12.600 --> 00:02:13.880 That's the rest of your life is like, 58 00:02:13.880 --> 00:02:16.640 I just want the rest of my life to kind of not suck. 59 00:02:16.640 --> 00:02:17.720 I just don't get it. 60 00:02:17.720 --> 00:02:19.960 So like, it's kind of like the inverse of selling. 61 00:02:19.960 --> 00:02:21.480 Like in sales, you have a pipeline 62 00:02:21.480 --> 00:02:23.760 and you know what your conversion percentages are. 63 00:02:23.760 --> 00:02:25.800 The thing with finding a significant other 64 00:02:25.800 --> 00:02:27.880 is you only need to find one. 65 00:02:27.880 --> 00:02:29.560 And I remember when I was way younger, 66 00:02:29.560 --> 00:02:31.640 like in high school, going to college where, 67 00:02:31.640 --> 00:02:33.240 you know, some girls like, what are you looking for? 68 00:02:33.240 --> 00:02:34.360 We're like on a date thing 69 00:02:34.360 --> 00:02:36.360 and it did not go the way she was expecting. 70 00:02:36.360 --> 00:02:38.480 I was just like, these are all the things I'm looking for 71 00:02:38.480 --> 00:02:40.400 and she was really discouraged 72 00:02:40.400 --> 00:02:42.760 and she was like, wow, looks like you're just trying 73 00:02:42.760 --> 00:02:45.560 to find a unicorn and I was like, well, I have to find one. 74 00:02:45.560 --> 00:02:47.160 She basically was making the insinuation 75 00:02:47.160 --> 00:02:49.120 well, so few people are going to meet those standards 76 00:02:49.120 --> 00:02:51.640 and I was like, right, if everyone meets the standards 77 00:02:51.640 --> 00:02:52.880 or most people meet those standards, 78 00:02:52.880 --> 00:02:54.080 how unique is that person? 79 00:02:54.080 --> 00:02:55.960 Probably not that unique. 80 00:02:55.960 --> 00:02:59.880 So I think I believe in having exceptionally high standards, 81 00:02:59.880 --> 00:03:02.720 only second to the standard you hold yourself to. 82 00:03:02.720 --> 00:03:04.560 And I think there's a huge issue right now 83 00:03:04.560 --> 00:03:07.600 with all the single folks who are like, I want that unicorn. 84 00:03:07.600 --> 00:03:09.880 So either you've got like camp number one, 85 00:03:09.880 --> 00:03:12.360 I'll take anyone of the pulse and like, 86 00:03:12.360 --> 00:03:13.520 that's one way to do it. 87 00:03:13.520 --> 00:03:15.560 But I think that you'll long term, 88 00:03:15.560 --> 00:03:18.440 you're just gonna get the scraps of society, which sucks. 89 00:03:18.440 --> 00:03:20.440 Camp two, which is probably the more prevalent one, 90 00:03:20.440 --> 00:03:22.320 which is why so many people are struggling 91 00:03:22.320 --> 00:03:26.760 is I want to have this amazing person, but I suck. 92 00:03:26.760 --> 00:03:28.760 But they should be so amazing that they should see me 93 00:03:28.760 --> 00:03:32.120 for who I am deep down, like deep, deep down, 94 00:03:32.120 --> 00:03:35.240 like not like deeper, even deeper, like really deep down. 95 00:03:35.240 --> 00:03:36.480 They should be able to see that, right? 96 00:03:36.480 --> 00:03:38.400 Even though I'm fucked up and I don't have a job 97 00:03:38.400 --> 00:03:40.680 and I'm overweight and I never stick with my commitments 98 00:03:40.680 --> 00:03:43.200 and I never fall through, like besides all that. 99 00:03:43.200 --> 00:03:44.560 And I lie sometimes, you know what I mean? 100 00:03:44.560 --> 00:03:46.480 That I haven't been faithful for like past relationships, 101 00:03:46.480 --> 00:03:48.400 but still, and I'm not complimentary 102 00:03:48.400 --> 00:03:51.120 and like I don't have any values that they aspire to be. 103 00:03:51.200 --> 00:03:52.760 I actually really have nothing going for me, 104 00:03:52.760 --> 00:03:57.160 but besides all of that deep, deep down, I'm amazing. 105 00:03:57.160 --> 00:03:59.080 They just knew how to look, right? 106 00:03:59.080 --> 00:04:02.120 That's like camp two, and I feel like that's a lot of people. 107 00:04:02.120 --> 00:04:03.760 And then camp three is, you know, 108 00:04:03.760 --> 00:04:06.040 I saw this meme that went like all over the internet, 109 00:04:06.040 --> 00:04:11.080 which is you can consolidate all of the relationship gurus 110 00:04:11.080 --> 00:04:13.240 dating advice to be successful, 111 00:04:13.240 --> 00:04:15.320 and they were making fun of that. 112 00:04:15.320 --> 00:04:20.320 And I was like, yes, that is at the end of everything. 113 00:04:20.840 --> 00:04:22.080 That's it, right? 114 00:04:22.080 --> 00:04:24.440 And so like you can learn a hundred different hacks 115 00:04:24.440 --> 00:04:27.360 and most of them are about deception, like realistically, 116 00:04:27.360 --> 00:04:29.920 like most of the dating hacks that I see 117 00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:33.560 are about posturing and making people see you a certain way. 118 00:04:33.560 --> 00:04:34.920 But the thing is, is like on a long enough time 119 00:04:34.920 --> 00:04:36.440 resident figure who you are. 120 00:04:36.440 --> 00:04:38.280 And so like it's short term long term. 121 00:04:38.280 --> 00:04:40.000 And so people don't want to do the harder 122 00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:44.200 long term work of just like being somebody worth being with. 123 00:04:44.200 --> 00:04:46.000 And want to find out how they can like optimize 124 00:04:46.000 --> 00:04:47.360 their dating profiles and don't give me wrong. 125 00:04:47.360 --> 00:04:48.520 Like it's an ad. 126 00:04:48.520 --> 00:04:50.200 So get nice images. 127 00:04:50.200 --> 00:04:53.000 Sure, like maybe spend five minutes on what you're gonna have 128 00:04:53.000 --> 00:04:55.600 every single potential prospect in your life, see. 129 00:04:55.600 --> 00:04:57.400 Okay, that makes sense. 130 00:04:57.400 --> 00:05:00.760 But the real work is like, okay, you go on the date now, what? 131 00:05:00.760 --> 00:05:02.880 Right, like you still have to like be somebody 132 00:05:02.880 --> 00:05:05.000 that somebody might want to be with. 133 00:05:05.000 --> 00:05:07.000 So I'm a big like big domino believer, 134 00:05:07.000 --> 00:05:09.000 which is like if I solve this one big thing, 135 00:05:09.000 --> 00:05:11.520 can I make all of the rest of these things go away? 136 00:05:11.520 --> 00:05:13.320 I can do a hundred tiny tweaks and hacks 137 00:05:13.320 --> 00:05:15.600 to try and find a girl who's out of my league. 138 00:05:15.600 --> 00:05:18.800 Or I can just make myself so worthy 139 00:05:18.800 --> 00:05:22.800 that I can get any girl, no matter what league she's in. 140 00:05:22.800 --> 00:05:24.800 And if I just do that, I don't need to optimize my profile. 141 00:05:24.800 --> 00:05:25.840 I don't need to have all these things 142 00:05:25.840 --> 00:05:28.000 because if I just have that, I'm fine. 143 00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:32.120 And so I've just, I've tended to try and find that one thing 144 00:05:32.120 --> 00:05:35.400 in business, in fitness, in relationships. 145 00:05:35.400 --> 00:05:37.120 And that serves me pretty well. 146 00:05:37.120 --> 00:05:38.280 Cause some of the younger guys are like, man, 147 00:05:38.280 --> 00:05:40.640 like I can't find girls because I don't have a job 148 00:05:40.640 --> 00:05:43.480 and I don't have money, but like these girls are so shallow. 149 00:05:43.480 --> 00:05:45.800 It's like, are they? 150 00:05:45.800 --> 00:05:48.240 Or is just like having a career or being ambitious 151 00:05:48.240 --> 00:05:49.840 just a proxy for other values 152 00:05:49.840 --> 00:05:52.000 and it's just an easy litmus test for them? 153 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:53.240 They definitely changed over time. 154 00:05:53.240 --> 00:05:54.680 When I was in high school, it was different. 155 00:05:54.680 --> 00:05:56.320 Plus when I was in college and different 156 00:05:56.320 --> 00:05:58.720 than when I was a young professional versus now. 157 00:05:58.720 --> 00:06:01.400 Earlier on, it was probably far more exclusive 158 00:06:01.400 --> 00:06:03.080 about like fun and aesthetics. 159 00:06:03.080 --> 00:06:05.080 So like they have to look a certain way 160 00:06:05.080 --> 00:06:06.600 and they have to do what I want to do. 161 00:06:06.600 --> 00:06:08.440 Actually, if we chunk up, it probably has been that. 162 00:06:08.440 --> 00:06:10.320 It's just that what I want to do is changed. 163 00:06:10.320 --> 00:06:11.800 And so like when I was younger, it's like, 164 00:06:11.800 --> 00:06:13.440 I want to have fun, I want to do shit. 165 00:06:13.440 --> 00:06:14.280 You know what I mean? 166 00:06:14.280 --> 00:06:17.080 I want to travel around, I want to be spontaneous, whatever. 167 00:06:17.080 --> 00:06:18.080 And as I've gotten older, I was like, 168 00:06:18.080 --> 00:06:20.200 I want to do big shit that will be hard 169 00:06:20.200 --> 00:06:22.160 and I need someone who can handle that. 170 00:06:22.160 --> 00:06:24.400 And so it's just a different type of person. 171 00:06:24.400 --> 00:06:26.160 Now some people are growth oriented in general 172 00:06:26.160 --> 00:06:27.400 and they shift with their seasons too. 173 00:06:27.400 --> 00:06:29.880 Like Lail and I joke that like, we're like, 174 00:06:29.880 --> 00:06:31.880 I'm really glad we didn't meet in high school. 175 00:06:31.880 --> 00:06:33.800 Cause but to be fair, when we were in high school, 176 00:06:33.800 --> 00:06:37.360 we were actually in the same, in the same like part of life. 177 00:06:37.360 --> 00:06:40.880 Like she was just like a crazy partier and so was I. 178 00:06:41.880 --> 00:06:43.720 And like that was like the season and we're like, 179 00:06:43.720 --> 00:06:45.040 we're gonna go 10 out of 10 on that. 180 00:06:45.040 --> 00:06:47.040 And then we both went 10 out of 10 on school 181 00:06:47.040 --> 00:06:48.080 and had the same thing. 182 00:06:48.080 --> 00:06:50.760 We're like, we were absolute belligerent idiots 183 00:06:50.760 --> 00:06:52.880 for the first year of college and we're like, wait, 184 00:06:52.880 --> 00:06:54.160 this isn't how I want to live my life. 185 00:06:54.160 --> 00:06:56.400 And both of us like, cleaned our act up it. 186 00:06:56.400 --> 00:06:58.120 So we live really parallel life in that way. 187 00:06:58.120 --> 00:07:00.240 And then we like left home and pursued fitness. 188 00:07:00.240 --> 00:07:01.960 Like we have a lot of, a lot of parallels. 189 00:07:01.960 --> 00:07:05.960 Like Persian dad, mom from France, split like, 190 00:07:05.960 --> 00:07:08.040 really interesting parallels lived with dad 191 00:07:08.040 --> 00:07:09.760 at the second half lived with mom earlier. 192 00:07:09.800 --> 00:07:11.760 Like we have a lot of really interesting parallels. 193 00:07:11.760 --> 00:07:15.560 But anyways, I think the number one thing for me 194 00:07:15.560 --> 00:07:17.920 has been the ability to grow. 195 00:07:17.920 --> 00:07:21.200 Because if someone cannot adapt with new information, 196 00:07:21.200 --> 00:07:23.600 then even if you find somebody who's amazing now 197 00:07:23.600 --> 00:07:25.240 in 10 years, you will have changed. 198 00:07:25.240 --> 00:07:27.600 And if they have an or capable of change, 199 00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:29.680 then you're guaranteed that you will grow apart. 200 00:07:29.680 --> 00:07:31.480 Well, cause even if one person stays the same, 201 00:07:31.480 --> 00:07:33.560 the other person keeps growing, there's gonna be a gap. 202 00:07:33.560 --> 00:07:36.000 The second thing is that they enjoy doing the things 203 00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:38.120 that I do and I think there's a micro level and a macro level. 204 00:07:38.120 --> 00:07:40.520 So micro level is like having somebody who's into fitness 205 00:07:40.520 --> 00:07:41.600 just makes my life easier. 206 00:07:41.600 --> 00:07:43.200 Cause like I'm gonna go work out 207 00:07:43.200 --> 00:07:45.080 and I had been in relationships where like, 208 00:07:45.080 --> 00:07:47.680 they saw me working out as like a take. 209 00:07:47.680 --> 00:07:49.000 Like this could be time we're together, 210 00:07:49.000 --> 00:07:51.120 but instead you're gonna go to the gym. 211 00:07:51.120 --> 00:07:55.080 And like, no, you know what I mean, like I don't want that. 212 00:07:55.080 --> 00:07:56.920 Like if anything, this is me investing in making 213 00:07:56.920 --> 00:07:59.880 the person that you wanna be with better. 214 00:07:59.880 --> 00:08:01.600 So like why would you not want that? 215 00:08:01.600 --> 00:08:02.720 And so if someone has solved it that way, 216 00:08:02.720 --> 00:08:05.280 that would be a deal breaker. 217 00:08:05.280 --> 00:08:07.760 And then there's the macro kind of interest, which is like, 218 00:08:07.760 --> 00:08:10.440 do you wanna go after the same things as me? 219 00:08:10.440 --> 00:08:12.800 And I've always wanted to do epic things. 220 00:08:12.800 --> 00:08:15.520 I wanna do really big stuff and to do really big stuff, 221 00:08:15.520 --> 00:08:17.960 you have to overcome really big hurdles and obstacles 222 00:08:17.960 --> 00:08:21.160 and hardships for extended periods of time with our reward. 223 00:08:21.160 --> 00:08:25.560 And I needed somebody who could level one, understand that? 224 00:08:25.560 --> 00:08:27.560 Level two, support and cheer for that. 225 00:08:27.560 --> 00:08:29.840 Level three, be in the trenches with me. 226 00:08:29.840 --> 00:08:31.880 Now I probably would have been fine with level two 227 00:08:31.880 --> 00:08:32.720 or level three. 228 00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:34.760 I just happened to have met level three. 229 00:08:34.760 --> 00:08:37.240 And now that I have seen that I could never go back, 230 00:08:37.240 --> 00:08:39.080 but I could absolutely, 231 00:08:39.080 --> 00:08:41.200 having not seen what level three looks like, 232 00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:43.760 probably been ignorantly happy at level two. 233 00:08:45.680 --> 00:08:46.880 Real quick guys, you guys already know 234 00:08:46.880 --> 00:08:50.160 that I don't run any ads on this and I don't sell anything. 235 00:08:50.160 --> 00:08:52.040 And so the only ask that I can ever have 236 00:08:52.040 --> 00:08:53.360 if you guys that you help me spread the word 237 00:08:53.360 --> 00:08:54.880 so we can have more entrepreneurs, 238 00:08:54.880 --> 00:08:57.520 make more money, feed their families, make better products, 239 00:08:57.520 --> 00:08:59.680 and have better experiences for their employees 240 00:08:59.680 --> 00:09:00.600 and customers. 241 00:09:00.600 --> 00:09:03.600 And the only way we do that is if you can rate and review 242 00:09:03.600 --> 00:09:05.040 and share this podcast. 243 00:09:05.040 --> 00:09:06.400 So the single thing that I have to do, 244 00:09:06.560 --> 00:09:07.600 you can just leave a review, 245 00:09:07.600 --> 00:09:09.520 but take 10 seconds or one type of the thug 246 00:09:09.520 --> 00:09:10.800 that would mean the absolute world to me 247 00:09:10.800 --> 00:09:13.640 and more importantly, it may change the world for someone else. 248 00:09:15.160 --> 00:09:16.640 There's probably level two things at Leyla 249 00:09:16.640 --> 00:09:17.840 and I have right now that I just don't know 250 00:09:17.840 --> 00:09:18.680 what level three looks like, 251 00:09:18.680 --> 00:09:19.720 but I'm content with level two 252 00:09:19.720 --> 00:09:21.720 because I don't know anything better. 253 00:09:21.720 --> 00:09:25.880 So growth, interest in the small interest in the big 254 00:09:25.880 --> 00:09:27.880 and making sure that we have aligned values. 255 00:09:27.880 --> 00:09:29.480 No one's willing to do hard things. 256 00:09:29.480 --> 00:09:31.360 That's why most people don't. 257 00:09:33.360 --> 00:09:36.040 Most people just go on autopilot and then die. 258 00:09:36.040 --> 00:09:38.200 I'm a huge advocate of first dates. 259 00:09:38.200 --> 00:09:39.880 Just go on tons of them. 260 00:09:39.880 --> 00:09:41.800 And then I think just being willing to maintain the bar 261 00:09:41.800 --> 00:09:44.680 that like, this was good, not great. 262 00:09:44.680 --> 00:09:47.360 And just not taking a good to a second date. 263 00:09:47.360 --> 00:09:49.120 It was probably tough for a lot of the first dates I went on 264 00:09:49.120 --> 00:09:50.880 because they were like, hey, let's hang out again. 265 00:09:50.880 --> 00:09:53.000 And it might just be because either they thought 266 00:09:53.000 --> 00:09:54.160 I was some amazing dude, 267 00:09:54.160 --> 00:09:56.560 or I would say more realistically, 268 00:09:56.560 --> 00:09:57.400 they thought it was a good date, 269 00:09:57.400 --> 00:09:59.960 but their bar for what was enough of a match 270 00:09:59.960 --> 00:10:02.120 was just lower than mine was. 271 00:10:02.120 --> 00:10:03.880 I just didn't like, they were in their career, 272 00:10:03.880 --> 00:10:06.400 they didn't seem like that interested in business stuff. 273 00:10:06.400 --> 00:10:08.400 I mean, and for me, that's always been a hard one 274 00:10:08.400 --> 00:10:10.760 because I love business and I only talk about business 275 00:10:10.760 --> 00:10:13.200 and I think about business and it's all I do all day. 276 00:10:13.200 --> 00:10:16.080 And so if somebody wasn't into that, 277 00:10:16.080 --> 00:10:17.080 I could probably make the argument, 278 00:10:17.080 --> 00:10:19.920 I'm like, okay, well, there'll be my respite away from this. 279 00:10:19.920 --> 00:10:23.960 But that presumes that I need a rest away from doing 280 00:10:23.960 --> 00:10:25.360 what I want to do. 281 00:10:25.360 --> 00:10:27.360 So like, there's this idea that I've been trying to explore 282 00:10:27.360 --> 00:10:29.160 a lot more lately, which is around the concept 283 00:10:29.160 --> 00:10:30.000 of work life balance. 284 00:10:30.000 --> 00:10:33.240 So sure, there's like work life harmony, work life integration. 285 00:10:33.240 --> 00:10:37.040 But I think even the idea of work life balance 286 00:10:37.040 --> 00:10:38.920 presumes their opposites. 287 00:10:38.920 --> 00:10:40.320 And so whenever anyone asks that, 288 00:10:40.320 --> 00:10:42.360 I already know what their views are. 289 00:10:42.360 --> 00:10:46.080 And so I've always wanted no work life balance 290 00:10:46.080 --> 00:10:48.480 because they're just life in general. 291 00:10:48.480 --> 00:10:50.760 And there is no balancing, it just is. 292 00:10:50.760 --> 00:10:53.880 And so I think if I had somebody who didn't see 293 00:10:53.880 --> 00:10:55.600 the world that way, which is most people, 294 00:10:55.600 --> 00:10:57.000 that would be tough. 295 00:10:57.000 --> 00:10:58.880 I would say also it would be harder for me 296 00:10:58.880 --> 00:11:02.040 to find someone now than to find someone when I did that. 297 00:11:02.040 --> 00:11:04.640 Now I could find hookups, pretty girls, 298 00:11:04.640 --> 00:11:07.880 blah, blah, blah, like that for sure, easier now. 299 00:11:07.880 --> 00:11:11.240 But finding somebody who basically would have gone 300 00:11:11.240 --> 00:11:15.280 through the same stimuli that I went through over the last 301 00:11:15.280 --> 00:11:19.320 decade with Leila to get to where it now, 302 00:11:19.320 --> 00:11:20.920 it'd be almost impossible to put someone else 303 00:11:20.920 --> 00:11:24.560 through the same gauntlet so they could be shaped the same way. 304 00:11:24.560 --> 00:11:26.760 And so that's like one of the pros of like, 305 00:11:26.760 --> 00:11:29.440 if you do get married young or find a partner young, 306 00:11:29.440 --> 00:11:33.320 is that you guys can go through kind of the hardships together. 307 00:11:33.320 --> 00:11:35.560 And I think that creates a really deep bond. 308 00:11:35.560 --> 00:11:38.280 Depping said, there's nothing wrong with like achieving 309 00:11:38.280 --> 00:11:40.040 a lot of stuff and then finding a girl 310 00:11:40.040 --> 00:11:42.640 who's above your former threshold. 311 00:11:42.640 --> 00:11:44.880 I think both paths work, I've seen both paths work. 312 00:11:44.880 --> 00:11:46.520 I just know the one that I did. 313 00:11:46.520 --> 00:11:48.000 There's two concepts I'll bring up on this. 314 00:11:48.000 --> 00:11:53.480 So one is people who want to be happy, treat it like, 315 00:11:53.480 --> 00:11:56.880 I want to eat so good, I'm never hungry again. 316 00:11:56.880 --> 00:12:00.200 Where I want to sleep so well, I never need to sleep again. 317 00:12:00.200 --> 00:12:04.000 But I think happiness is much more like that 318 00:12:04.000 --> 00:12:07.800 than it is this achievement thing that you like check a box up. 319 00:12:07.800 --> 00:12:09.400 It doesn't really work that way. 320 00:12:09.400 --> 00:12:12.520 Secondly, I think that all the people that I know 321 00:12:12.520 --> 00:12:15.520 who obsessed about happiness are the least happy people. 322 00:12:15.520 --> 00:12:16.920 Outwardly, sure, but they're the ones 323 00:12:16.920 --> 00:12:18.160 who are like committing suicide. 324 00:12:18.160 --> 00:12:20.480 Nothing wrong with that if that's what you want to do. 325 00:12:20.480 --> 00:12:22.840 But I'm just saying, I worry about that 326 00:12:22.840 --> 00:12:26.200 because it's a goal that by having it as a goal, 327 00:12:26.200 --> 00:12:27.960 it automatically sits outside of you, 328 00:12:27.960 --> 00:12:29.880 which means there's space between you and the goal, 329 00:12:29.880 --> 00:12:31.520 which means you're not actually happy. 330 00:12:31.520 --> 00:12:33.440 My goal is to be happy, which means you are right now. 331 00:12:33.440 --> 00:12:38.440 So I have made meaning, which is ironic, 332 00:12:39.120 --> 00:12:41.400 because I don't find things inherently meaningful, 333 00:12:41.400 --> 00:12:44.920 but I have found meaningful work as I deem meaningful 334 00:12:44.920 --> 00:12:48.960 to be the thing that I derive the most joy from. 335 00:12:48.960 --> 00:12:52.560 And so I have it broken down to a more tactical level, 336 00:12:52.560 --> 00:12:54.360 which is what days have I enjoyed 337 00:12:54.360 --> 00:12:57.600 and looked back on and been proud of myself for that day. 338 00:12:57.600 --> 00:13:00.200 And over probably a three or four-year period, 339 00:13:00.200 --> 00:13:03.000 I just looked at the good days and the bad days. 340 00:13:03.000 --> 00:13:04.760 And I looked at what the good days had in common. 341 00:13:04.760 --> 00:13:06.120 I looked at what the bad days had in common. 342 00:13:06.120 --> 00:13:08.360 I've just over time minimized the things that happen 343 00:13:08.360 --> 00:13:10.120 on the bad days and maximize things happen 344 00:13:10.120 --> 00:13:12.440 on the good days, even to big investments. 345 00:13:12.440 --> 00:13:15.880 Like I am much happier when I work out. 346 00:13:15.880 --> 00:13:17.680 Rather, not even much happier when I work out. 347 00:13:17.680 --> 00:13:19.800 When I look back on my day, this was a good day, 348 00:13:19.800 --> 00:13:21.880 almost always has a workout in it. 349 00:13:21.880 --> 00:13:24.040 And usually with people I like. 350 00:13:24.040 --> 00:13:26.160 And so workouts take probably longer for me 351 00:13:26.160 --> 00:13:28.000 than most people, because I'm not the, 352 00:13:28.000 --> 00:13:31.640 I'm in and out in 45 minutes and I did my morning routine 353 00:13:31.640 --> 00:13:34.360 and I can do, send out 40 emails from whatever, 354 00:13:34.360 --> 00:13:35.200 everyone's different. 355 00:13:35.200 --> 00:13:37.600 But for me, I work out for like two hours. 356 00:13:37.600 --> 00:13:39.400 It's because I like to. 357 00:13:39.400 --> 00:13:41.920 And so I do it and I do it with people that I like. 358 00:13:41.920 --> 00:13:44.560 And so I'm willing to invest the time 359 00:13:44.560 --> 00:13:46.400 because like what's the point anyways? 360 00:13:46.400 --> 00:13:49.120 Like why make all the money to what? 361 00:13:49.120 --> 00:13:51.280 Enjoy it, like I enjoy doing that. 362 00:13:51.280 --> 00:13:52.520 So I do that every day. 363 00:13:52.520 --> 00:13:53.840 I like writing. 364 00:13:53.840 --> 00:13:56.720 So I write for, you know, four to six hours a day. 365 00:13:56.720 --> 00:13:59.800 And there's probably the two biggest activities that I do. 366 00:13:59.800 --> 00:14:01.200 And if I can write with somebody that I like, 367 00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:03.240 then I do something I like with people I like. 368 00:14:03.240 --> 00:14:06.480 And I think that that's probably been the simplest formula 369 00:14:06.480 --> 00:14:08.720 is doing things you like with people you like 370 00:14:08.720 --> 00:14:12.240 and trying to maximize as much time as I can on that bucket. 371 00:14:12.240 --> 00:14:13.680 And then everything else I try and minimize 372 00:14:13.680 --> 00:14:15.440 is overhead or outsource. 373 00:14:15.440 --> 00:14:17.920 I think the research study probably had something to the degree 374 00:14:17.920 --> 00:14:19.120 of like people rating themselves 375 00:14:19.120 --> 00:14:20.680 on subjective wellbeing and then also rating. 376 00:14:20.680 --> 00:14:21.880 They're strength, the relationship with spouse 377 00:14:21.880 --> 00:14:23.880 that have very strong correlation. 378 00:14:23.880 --> 00:14:27.160 But like again, that's because most people are like, 379 00:14:27.160 --> 00:14:28.080 why am I not happy? 380 00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:29.680 They also see a problem with them not happy. 381 00:14:29.680 --> 00:14:31.200 They have it as an expectation of the world 382 00:14:31.200 --> 00:14:32.880 and the universe that they should be happy. 383 00:14:32.880 --> 00:14:34.520 And to the same degree, people have an expectation 384 00:14:34.520 --> 00:14:35.720 that life should be meaningful. 385 00:14:35.720 --> 00:14:37.840 Like why does life need to be meaningful? 386 00:14:37.840 --> 00:14:39.760 Why does the universe need to make you happy? 387 00:14:39.760 --> 00:14:40.720 It doesn't. 388 00:14:40.720 --> 00:14:42.560 You can choose that, but it's just like not a requirement. 389 00:14:42.560 --> 00:14:44.440 And so they think there's something wrong with it. 390 00:14:44.440 --> 00:14:46.600 When reality like you're alive and you might procreate, 391 00:14:46.600 --> 00:14:48.040 you might not, but like that's the only reason 392 00:14:48.040 --> 00:14:50.080 that you're here on the relationship video. 393 00:14:50.080 --> 00:14:51.880 I broke my wedding ring. 394 00:14:51.880 --> 00:14:54.000 It's a sign. 395 00:14:54.000 --> 00:14:54.840 I don't know, silicon. 396 00:14:54.840 --> 00:14:56.200 It's like my third one. 397 00:14:56.200 --> 00:14:58.200 I break them every like two years. 398 00:14:58.200 --> 00:15:00.200 Well, that's really what it comes down to. 399 00:15:00.200 --> 00:15:03.640 So like if I boil it down, like happiness is fleeting 400 00:15:03.640 --> 00:15:06.000 because you get hungry again, you get sleepy again. 401 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:08.640 Meaning you can only really tell at the end. 402 00:15:08.640 --> 00:15:10.920 Like did I do something that contributed? 403 00:15:10.920 --> 00:15:12.520 But on the day to day perspective, 404 00:15:12.520 --> 00:15:14.720 I can know that what I'm doing is useful. 405 00:15:14.720 --> 00:15:16.360 And if what you're doing is not useful, 406 00:15:16.360 --> 00:15:19.040 then I think that that's harder. 407 00:15:19.040 --> 00:15:22.280 And I also think that men and women are different here. 408 00:15:22.280 --> 00:15:24.520 So we use like happy, I hate the term in general, 409 00:15:24.520 --> 00:15:27.080 but like I think men and women want different things 410 00:15:27.080 --> 00:15:27.920 out of life. 411 00:15:27.920 --> 00:15:29.240 And I think we bucket them together. 412 00:15:29.240 --> 00:15:33.440 It's also the same degree like why therapy with men 413 00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:35.240 doesn't work necessarily the same. 414 00:15:35.240 --> 00:15:37.000 We have to have a different approach. 415 00:15:37.000 --> 00:15:39.000 People think men need more love. 416 00:15:39.000 --> 00:15:41.080 And I just don't think that's true. 417 00:15:41.080 --> 00:15:42.840 I think we want more respect. 418 00:15:42.840 --> 00:15:45.440 And like you get respect from being useful. 419 00:15:45.440 --> 00:15:48.080 And so I make that the goal. 420 00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:51.040 Like no one cast aside a man who is useful. 421 00:15:51.040 --> 00:15:53.440 And being useful is an attractive trait. 422 00:15:53.440 --> 00:15:55.480 Like if you see someone who's really good at something, 423 00:15:55.480 --> 00:15:57.920 it's a contributing number of society. 424 00:15:57.920 --> 00:16:00.200 They do stuff like that help other people. 425 00:16:00.200 --> 00:16:01.040 We want them here. 426 00:16:01.040 --> 00:16:03.720 Like you get status from that. 427 00:16:03.720 --> 00:16:06.280 And so that means that skill mastery 428 00:16:06.280 --> 00:16:10.120 in a very real way can help you attract the meat you want, 429 00:16:10.120 --> 00:16:12.120 which is why I index the ton of my life 430 00:16:12.120 --> 00:16:14.320 around getting better at stuff. 431 00:16:14.320 --> 00:16:16.680 So like and also from a stress perspective, 432 00:16:16.680 --> 00:16:19.960 people are like, I see sometimes these podcasts 433 00:16:19.960 --> 00:16:22.760 from successful entrepreneurs and they're like, 434 00:16:22.760 --> 00:16:25.240 man, I'm still worried I could lose it all tomorrow. 435 00:16:25.240 --> 00:16:26.680 I don't have that. 436 00:16:26.680 --> 00:16:29.200 Like I'm genuinely not afraid of losing it all tomorrow. 437 00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:31.840 Because I have lost it before and I got it back. 438 00:16:31.840 --> 00:16:34.480 If you were lucky, because there are guys who get lucky. 439 00:16:34.480 --> 00:16:35.680 And if you are lucky, then absolutely 440 00:16:35.680 --> 00:16:36.680 you should be worried about it. 441 00:16:36.680 --> 00:16:38.720 Because if you do lose it, you don't know how to get it back. 442 00:16:38.720 --> 00:16:41.680 But if you have skills, then like I know that I can go 443 00:16:41.680 --> 00:16:43.160 to any business and help grow it. 444 00:16:43.160 --> 00:16:43.920 And that's valuable. 445 00:16:43.920 --> 00:16:45.120 That's useful. 446 00:16:45.160 --> 00:16:48.600 And so even reframing the word value is usefulness 447 00:16:48.600 --> 00:16:51.280 is probably also an easier way to do it for people 448 00:16:51.280 --> 00:16:52.720 to kind of like comprehend. 449 00:16:52.720 --> 00:16:54.640 But I think if you make that the goal, 450 00:16:54.640 --> 00:16:58.280 it also takes it away from you. 451 00:16:58.280 --> 00:17:00.960 Well, I have a friend who's single and struggles 452 00:17:00.960 --> 00:17:03.040 because he's not happy. 453 00:17:03.040 --> 00:17:05.400 Successful, but not happy. 454 00:17:05.400 --> 00:17:06.880 And so he obsesses on happiness. 455 00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:08.560 And I was like, do you know that when you obsess 456 00:17:08.560 --> 00:17:11.360 on happiness, all you do is think about you all day? 457 00:17:11.360 --> 00:17:12.320 Like it's all you're doing. 458 00:17:12.320 --> 00:17:14.120 You're just thinking about you all fucking day. 459 00:17:14.160 --> 00:17:15.200 How useless.