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If in a group, one person or one being, one animal, whatever, brings more to the table,

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you are now envious of that person and what it does is it elevates the rest of the group to go

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and achieve the same, which is good for the collective. Welcome to the game where we talk about how

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to get more customers, how to make more customers, how to keep them longer, and the many failures and

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lessons we have learned along the way. I hope you enjoy and subscribe. Hello everyone and welcome

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to another episode of The Game. What I want to talk to you about today was a conversation that I

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had with Nick Bayerley. We went to dinner last night. He has a mastermind of men called Billion

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Dollar Brotherhood and we were having conversation about motivation and I figured out

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share it with you because I think it was of a lot of value. And so I was sharing that recently

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I had delineated between the feelings of envy and jealousy and how important it has been for me

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to be able to first name those emotions so that I could then analyze how I was feeling about

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them and the actions that I would subsequently take as a result of them. And so I want to at least

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first cover those and then I'll tell you about our conversation. And so envy is having the desire

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for something that someone else has that you do not have. So you are lacking and someone else has

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something that you want and do not have. That is envy. Jealousy is when you have a threat that someone

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is going to take something that you have that they do not have. All right. And so for example,

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I'll give you an example of each. So envy, I may be envious of a friend of mine. So I was actually

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talking to a good friend of mine who runs a big weight loss company and right now he's doing better

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than I am. And now I am envious of his success. I am. I can feel it. I'm envious. I got off the phone

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and I was like, I am envious of you. Right. On the flip side, if someone comes to talk to Leila,

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right, it is the fact that they pose the threat of taking attention or her attention that I think

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should continuously belong to me that I would feel jealous over. I haven't had, I haven't felt

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jealousy in a long time. But that is that is an example. It could also be like with your kids if you

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have some, you know, some other adult in their life starts taking their attention or has more

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influence over them, you are jealous of the influence that that person is now is threatening your

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influence over your child. Right. So two examples, they're nuance, but I think it's important. And

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when I was talking to Nick Barrily about this, I was talking about how I think envy gets a bad

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rap. And I'm not going to go into the spiritual religious side of this or even the happiness side

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of this because I think envy absolutely does not make you happy. But I do think that envy will make

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you successful. All right. And so this, this is where I want to kind of dive into this.

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Envy is adaptive, right. As human beings, this is actually from our old brain, right. This is

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animals have this too. They are envious of one another. And it's because if in a group, one person

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or one being, one animal, whatever brings more to the table, you are now envious of that person.

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And what it does is it elevates the rest of the group to go and achieve the same, which is good

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for the collective, not happier for each of the individuals, but as a pro-survival tool, right.

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And so for me, understanding this and at least being able to name the emotion rather than saying,

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I don't like this guy or I am angry at this person or having this negative feeling that you cannot

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put words to instead being able to say I am envious has been very relieving for me because now I can

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actually tell those people, hey, I'm envious of you. And for some reason, I think it just creates

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another level of candor because it's a certain level of vulnerability and saying, you have something

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that I wish I had. But then you'll notice that the conversation is not defensive on that person's

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part. Most of the time, they're like, well, let me help you. And it's only when we guise our

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intentions or trying, or trying to feign, you know, pretend to be a different way than we are,

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where people also can sense that you're being disingenuous, like great job, man, right. When

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realize deep down, and they can tell from your, your subtle tonality changes and the way you look

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that, that you're actually not happy for them, right. And so I think if you can at least say it,

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then it actually gives you power. Real quick, guys, if you can think about how you found this podcast,

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somebody probably tweeted it, told you about it, shared it on Instagram or something like that.

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The only way this grows is through word of mouth. And so I don't run ads, I don't do sponsorships,

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I don't sell anything. My only ask is that you continue to pay it forward, do whoever showed you

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or however you found out about this podcast that you do the exact same thing. So if it was a review,

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if it was a post, if you do that, it would mean the world to me and you'll throw some good

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calm around there for another entrepreneur. Now, in terms of judging your motivations,

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because obviously you might think that envy is a bad motivation. It is my belief that I would

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rather deal with people who do good things for bad reasons than bad reasons for good things.

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I said the same thing twice, but they do the right thing for the wrong reasons rather than the

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wrong things for the right reason. I'd rather someone who does the right outcome. And he gave me an

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example that was really powerful. He said a friend of his was a top Navy seal and one of the best

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Navy seals, he trains Navy seals just a total badass. And before that, he was an EMT. And he talked

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about his experiences being an EMT is that most people think, you know, EMTs have to be really

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caring. They want them to, you know, they have to save these people's lives every day. And he said

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the Navy seal was saying, I was not compassionate at all. I didn't really care that much about the

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person who was on the table in front of me. But what I did care about was my stats. I cared about

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the status of being the best. I wanted to have the fastest of the hospital. I want to have the

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highest survival rates, highest success rates of the people that were under my care because I

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cared about myself being the best. And so the question is, if you were the person who was on the

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table having a heart attack, would you rather have the compassionate EMT or would you rather have

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the self interested EMT who was doing it for status? Well, if it were me, I'd rather have the guy

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who wanted to pride himself on being the best in the world and didn't care about me at all because

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I knew his result was going to be more pro me than the other persons. And so I think that as humans

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and as entrepreneurs, we judge ourselves a lot on our motivations and our intentions. But I think

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that if we can take a step back in A, name the emotion so that it's not this amorphous thing that

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we can't understand. But then take the next step and say, is this a pro adaptive emotion? Is

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there something that's going to help me? Or is this an emotion that's going to drive me to do

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something that is negative? And I think at least even in naming that, we can increase the time

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between emotion and action. And the further that time gap is, in general, the better the

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quality of the decisions we make because the more rational we are, we're never completely rational

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because we're emotion driven beings and we have limbic systems that override things. But the more we

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can decrease the triggers, the emotional triggers that cause us to make bad decisions, ultimately,

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the better decisions we make. And so I say all this to say, big picture. First, naming the emotions

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is important. Second, it creates space so we can make better decisions. Third, we can analyze this,

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this is just to say, is this something that is going to help me in my life? Or is this something

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that's going to hurt me? And then as a result of this, we don't have to judge ourselves as strongly

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on why we are doing things and rather what is being done. Because candidly, I am a very

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envious individual and maybe this is me just rationalizing my own negative emotions. Who knows?

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But at least for me, saying it that way and framing the thought process in that way has helped me

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feel better about myself and just not or really just less bad if that's probably a better way of

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saying it and not constantly berating myself for having desires that I think are wrong. And so

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Dan Sullivan said this and I'll end with this is that when people want something, if you want to

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make more money, if you want to have a bigger house, you want to have a bigger car, you want to

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build a podcast studio, whatever, right? He said wanting is reason enough because so many times we

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ask, but why do we want that? We're probably not going to change the desire. And so letting

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us, letting ourselves desire things and giving ourselves permission to desire things in myself

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specifically, has been incredibly freeing and what it's done has given me a tremendous amount

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of my intention back that used to be allocated to analyzing why I'm feeling this way or why this

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is right or why this is wrong and instead accepting the fact that I want something and that wanting

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it is okay as long as it is not something that is hurting other people and that is not something

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that is hurting me. And so anyways, I hope that makes sense. I hope that provides you some value

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or hopefully maybe some clarity around putting words to your own emotions, the decisions that

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results from them and whether they are positive or negative and eliminating the judgment from that

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equation provided it's something that helps. So anyways, keep being awesome, keep amazing and have

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an awesome great magic money day. Get you to, bye!