WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.480 Real life presents the Jack Hibbs podcast with intention and boldness to proclaim truth, 2 00:00:06.480 --> 00:00:09.400 equip the saints and impact our culture. 3 00:00:09.400 --> 00:00:13.160 Everybody, we're going to be getting together right now urgently, I might add, because 4 00:00:13.160 --> 00:00:18.760 this particular podcast is time sensitive, and that is this, a loan for the holidays. 5 00:00:18.760 --> 00:00:21.400 It's almost like the sound of that old song, right? 6 00:00:21.400 --> 00:00:25.320 Home for the holidays, but there are a lot of people going through the holidays right 7 00:00:25.320 --> 00:00:31.240 now that find themselves alone by death or by abandonment or by separation, they find 8 00:00:31.240 --> 00:00:33.560 themselves in a state of grief. 9 00:00:33.560 --> 00:00:37.680 You do not have to stay there, God's got a better plan. 10 00:00:37.680 --> 00:00:38.680 Stay with me. 11 00:00:38.680 --> 00:00:44.480 I'm going to sit down with a man who is our resident expert in walking people through seasons 12 00:00:44.480 --> 00:00:47.600 of grief. 13 00:00:47.600 --> 00:00:53.840 You can get the outlines of this podcast by going to jackhibbs.com slash podcast. 14 00:00:53.840 --> 00:01:00.000 Today, if this podcast lifts you up and encourages you to live a more fulfilled life in Christ, 15 00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:03.240 then make sure you leave us one of those five star ratings. 16 00:01:03.240 --> 00:01:09.840 To us, that's like saying, amen or yes, then that rating will encourage others to listen. 17 00:01:09.840 --> 00:01:13.240 Now open your hearts to what God's word has to say to you. 18 00:01:13.240 --> 00:01:16.480 Here is Jack Hibbs. 19 00:01:17.200 --> 00:01:25.840 We are obviously coming to you at what is called the holiday season and more specifically 20 00:01:25.840 --> 00:01:28.240 as believers. 21 00:01:28.240 --> 00:01:36.160 This is a time if you know this or not, but when it comes to ministry life, it is one 22 00:01:36.160 --> 00:01:44.200 of the most demanding seasons of the year for ministry, November, December, January. 23 00:01:44.200 --> 00:01:52.880 Those three months carry with it a tremendous burden often on the hearts, on the very mind 24 00:01:52.880 --> 00:02:00.080 and spirit of so many people because they find themselves alone for the holidays, not 25 00:02:00.080 --> 00:02:06.040 home for the holidays like the old song goes, but alone for the holidays could be a very 26 00:02:06.040 --> 00:02:08.720 painful time. 27 00:02:08.720 --> 00:02:15.640 Those three months, by the way, are records suicide months every year, tragically, doesn't 28 00:02:15.640 --> 00:02:17.520 have to be that way. 29 00:02:17.520 --> 00:02:25.720 Today we're going to be talking with Brett Styler and Brad is one who ministers to so many 30 00:02:25.720 --> 00:02:37.560 people who find themselves alone for the first time grief, loss and one of the lives of 31 00:02:37.560 --> 00:02:44.640 the enemies to say that it's you, it's uniquely you, why would you wrong with you? 32 00:02:44.640 --> 00:02:46.120 You should be doing better than this. 33 00:02:46.120 --> 00:02:48.200 You're a Christian for crying out loud. 34 00:02:48.200 --> 00:02:55.520 But Brad, welcome, thank you for this time together here, suffering. 35 00:02:55.520 --> 00:03:01.120 If we go off with what the title is, we're giving this alone for the holidays, how does 36 00:03:01.120 --> 00:03:09.720 somebody find themselves alone in the holidays season like now, how does that happen? 37 00:03:09.720 --> 00:03:15.600 You say alone and I think people might think of widow or widowers, but you can be alone 38 00:03:15.600 --> 00:03:18.160 within the family too. 39 00:03:18.160 --> 00:03:24.280 We've contacted our strikes as differently, even within the family unit. 40 00:03:24.280 --> 00:03:32.680 Everybody responds differently to grief and that's okay, emotionally, physically, spiritually, 41 00:03:32.680 --> 00:03:37.600 and so you can be in a family and be alone. 42 00:03:37.600 --> 00:03:44.720 What we try to do is talk about things to plan ahead for the holiday season. 43 00:03:44.720 --> 00:03:51.600 If you're aware of things coming up and plan ahead, it's not as intrusive. 44 00:03:51.600 --> 00:03:59.560 People find themselves alone by virtue of, it could be abandonment, divorce, could be 45 00:03:59.560 --> 00:04:05.840 a child that has said, you know what, I'm 18 now, or they think they're 18, or they 46 00:04:05.840 --> 00:04:13.720 identify as an 18 year old, and I'm leaving, whatever it might be, death, the devastation 47 00:04:13.720 --> 00:04:20.800 of that, you could be in a crowd of people and be alone. 48 00:04:20.800 --> 00:04:22.520 Oh, absolutely. 49 00:04:22.520 --> 00:04:23.520 Absolutely. 50 00:04:23.520 --> 00:04:30.800 The way that God made us, we internally process things and so we can put on the makeup 51 00:04:30.800 --> 00:04:38.800 or shave or the tuxedo or the gown and look like you blend in during the holiday events, 52 00:04:38.800 --> 00:04:45.960 but inside be absolutely gut-wrenching, heartbroken, many times asking the question, why, why 53 00:04:45.960 --> 00:04:46.960 God? 54 00:04:46.960 --> 00:04:47.960 Why? 55 00:04:47.960 --> 00:04:52.560 Brad, what does somebody say, how does somebody take away from our time together today, 56 00:04:52.560 --> 00:04:56.920 being able to not only be ministered to, I hope through what we're saying, but for those 57 00:04:56.920 --> 00:05:03.200 who know someone who's hurting, what can they take away from us and use to those who 58 00:05:03.200 --> 00:05:08.720 are hurting, who are saying, why am I suffering this? 59 00:05:08.720 --> 00:05:11.400 Why me? 60 00:05:11.400 --> 00:05:13.760 You're bringing up the Y question. 61 00:05:13.760 --> 00:05:19.040 We talk about that in our group, and the Y questions are those things that you can 62 00:05:19.040 --> 00:05:23.800 never answer to your satisfaction, and they create additional Y questions. 63 00:05:23.800 --> 00:05:27.120 For me personally, I'll share that. 64 00:05:27.120 --> 00:05:32.720 What changed my way of thinking was, I quit asking why and started asking what? 65 00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:35.200 What Lord, what do you want me to do with this? 66 00:05:35.200 --> 00:05:37.040 How can I help others through this? 67 00:05:37.040 --> 00:05:45.120 So in your grief, having lost your teenage daughter, for you and your wife, it was during 68 00:05:45.120 --> 00:05:51.080 the grief process that at some point in time you stopped the Y and said, what? 69 00:05:51.080 --> 00:05:53.520 I wasn't getting anywhere with the Y. 70 00:05:53.520 --> 00:05:56.720 That is so, say that again, my gosh, talk about that again. 71 00:05:56.720 --> 00:06:01.320 You weren't getting anywhere with asking God why? 72 00:06:02.120 --> 00:06:06.920 I had an older daughter, I had a 16-year-old daughter, my 13-year-old was the one that passed 73 00:06:06.920 --> 00:06:14.400 away and my wife, and as a man, I couldn't fix it, and I couldn't fix myself without the 74 00:06:14.400 --> 00:06:20.160 Lord's help, and so I had to quit asking why and what, what can I do with this? 75 00:06:20.160 --> 00:06:21.880 How can I minister to my wife? 76 00:06:21.880 --> 00:06:27.720 How can I minister to my older daughter in this and give me direction? 77 00:06:27.800 --> 00:06:33.240 When I started asking what, it built hope in me, because I was looking forward for something 78 00:06:33.240 --> 00:06:41.720 down the road, and just little by little in the grief process, I became a servant to my 79 00:06:41.720 --> 00:06:45.640 wife and to my daughter, and when you help others, you help yourself. 80 00:06:45.640 --> 00:06:52.080 So what you're saying, because I want to make sure that our audience understands the difference, 81 00:06:52.080 --> 00:06:54.840 there are those groups, you mentioned the word group. 82 00:06:54.840 --> 00:07:03.200 There are those groups who come together, because they don't know Christ, or they're not 83 00:07:03.200 --> 00:07:10.320 applying Christ to the issue, they come together and somebody might say, it's nothing but 84 00:07:10.320 --> 00:07:21.280 a wine session, wine, I mean, whining, not drinking, it's nothing but stuck in the past 85 00:07:21.280 --> 00:07:22.280 kind of thing. 86 00:07:22.280 --> 00:07:26.240 I don't even do a group like that, but that's not what we're talking about. 87 00:07:26.240 --> 00:07:35.640 We're talking about people who, that you minister and lead and guide through the grief process, 88 00:07:35.640 --> 00:07:44.840 and rather than you enabling their grief, you teach them how to identify the grief, loneliness 89 00:07:44.840 --> 00:07:50.920 is part of the process, but this is where we're going. 90 00:07:50.920 --> 00:07:57.680 It's not, we're going to stay back here and be locked down. 91 00:07:57.680 --> 00:08:02.360 This picture, Brad, you've probably seen this a thousand times, I've seen it so much 92 00:08:02.360 --> 00:08:09.880 in my life where here in the LA area, you know, we often do our funeral services at places 93 00:08:09.880 --> 00:08:18.640 like forests on our rows hills, and these are world-renowned places, and I get it, but 94 00:08:18.640 --> 00:08:24.120 you can't go there and do a service and drive out because it's a mile's driving out without 95 00:08:24.120 --> 00:08:36.080 seeing people sitting at a grave size with a table, an umbrella, coffee, they're living 96 00:08:36.080 --> 00:08:42.400 among the dead because they're so alone, true. 97 00:08:42.400 --> 00:08:47.160 And what would you say to somebody who might be going through that? 98 00:08:47.160 --> 00:08:51.480 We get that question asked quite a bit, you know, is it okay to go to the cemetery? 99 00:08:51.480 --> 00:08:53.120 Is it okay not to go to the cemetery? 100 00:08:53.120 --> 00:08:56.680 I think it's based on what your need is at the time. 101 00:08:56.680 --> 00:09:01.840 If it helps you process and remember the blessings you've had with that person to sit 102 00:09:01.840 --> 00:09:11.200 at the grave site for a period of time, it's a period of time, that's probably okay. 103 00:09:11.200 --> 00:09:17.120 If you don't want to go, that's a few based on the relationship you had with that person. 104 00:09:17.120 --> 00:09:21.200 When my daughter passed away, my wife and I just to get out of the house, so we didn't 105 00:09:21.200 --> 00:09:28.120 isolate ourselves, we went to the cemetery on the weekend for a period of time. 106 00:09:28.120 --> 00:09:31.800 We haven't been there in years because she's not there. 107 00:09:31.800 --> 00:09:33.040 She's, I know where she is. 108 00:09:33.040 --> 00:09:34.280 She's having a great day right now. 109 00:09:34.280 --> 00:09:36.960 And I know where she is, right? 110 00:09:36.960 --> 00:09:43.720 But in that period of time, we needed that number one to kind of console one another, 111 00:09:43.720 --> 00:09:51.120 and also to get us from isolating ourselves and moving out and doing activities. 112 00:09:51.120 --> 00:09:56.080 What's the hardest lift for you, ministering to people who have suffered loss? 113 00:09:56.080 --> 00:10:05.920 What's the hardest part of your job, God, is to try to give them hope, his hope, because 114 00:10:05.920 --> 00:10:11.920 it's hard because they're so internalized and devastated usually because of they've lost 115 00:10:11.920 --> 00:10:16.840 the mom or dad or even a sibling or a wife or husband. 116 00:10:16.840 --> 00:10:23.000 And it's to get them to look outward, that that's not the end, that God has a purpose 117 00:10:23.000 --> 00:10:24.440 through this. 118 00:10:24.440 --> 00:10:29.200 And he's going to use you somewhere or another, but you have to move forward. 119 00:10:29.200 --> 00:10:31.560 You have to take those steps. 120 00:10:31.560 --> 00:10:34.640 We call it, you have to lean into your grief. 121 00:10:34.640 --> 00:10:36.200 In other words, you have to push through it. 122 00:10:36.200 --> 00:10:37.200 And you have to deal with it. 123 00:10:37.200 --> 00:10:39.880 You can't put it on the shelf and leave it there. 124 00:10:39.880 --> 00:10:46.680 And so sad because the world's way is just draw another line of cocaine, take another 125 00:10:46.680 --> 00:10:52.280 drink, get some bourbon or whatever the thing is. 126 00:10:52.280 --> 00:10:59.760 And it's so, well, the word is pathetic because you're going to wake up out of that 127 00:10:59.760 --> 00:11:11.280 stupid, actually worse off because you've tried something of the world, which isn't even 128 00:11:11.280 --> 00:11:12.280 abandoned. 129 00:11:12.280 --> 00:11:18.920 It's actually a razor that you're thrusting into this pain because you thought you had 130 00:11:18.920 --> 00:11:29.240 relief because you over stimulated or your mind or killed your mind to think that you 131 00:11:29.240 --> 00:11:34.400 got that you're getting relief, but you wake up out of your drunkenness. 132 00:11:34.400 --> 00:11:40.920 And you have just, in your mind, exhausted what you thought would bring you hope. 133 00:11:40.920 --> 00:11:42.080 And it does the opposite. 134 00:11:42.080 --> 00:11:43.800 And now you're really. 135 00:11:43.800 --> 00:11:48.160 You can't numb the pain because when you come out of it, it's still there. 136 00:11:48.160 --> 00:11:50.320 You still have to deal with it. 137 00:11:50.320 --> 00:11:55.800 Often say we get people that say, I'd like to go to sleep around Halloween and not wake 138 00:11:55.800 --> 00:11:56.800 up until January 2nd. 139 00:11:56.800 --> 00:11:57.800 That's right. 140 00:11:57.800 --> 00:11:58.800 That's right. 141 00:11:58.800 --> 00:12:01.760 Well, when you wake up January 2nd, your grief is still there. 142 00:12:01.760 --> 00:12:02.920 It doesn't change the thing. 143 00:12:02.920 --> 00:12:03.920 It doesn't change the thing. 144 00:12:03.920 --> 00:12:09.440 You still have to deal with your grief to be able to move through your grief to heal. 145 00:12:09.440 --> 00:12:15.960 So walk us through maybe some highlights that people can have takeaways of if you're experiencing 146 00:12:15.960 --> 00:12:28.640 grief and loss and the holiday season, like you just mentioned from October to January, 147 00:12:28.640 --> 00:12:31.760 what are some takeaways that you would say to someone? 148 00:12:31.760 --> 00:12:37.320 Right now you just bumped into me, probably good chance we'll never see each other again. 149 00:12:37.320 --> 00:12:42.760 You just discovered and in the grocery store line that I lost my wife. 150 00:12:42.760 --> 00:12:47.920 And you feel because you're a Christian, you have compassion for this individual. 151 00:12:47.920 --> 00:12:49.320 I am that individual. 152 00:12:49.320 --> 00:12:53.560 What would you say to me if I were to say, yeah, you know what, I haven't been the same 153 00:12:53.560 --> 00:12:59.360 my wife passed away a couple of months ago, I'm, I don't even know what I'm doing even 154 00:12:59.360 --> 00:13:00.360 shopping. 155 00:13:00.360 --> 00:13:01.360 You know what I'm doing at the store. 156 00:13:01.360 --> 00:13:06.240 Yeah, I'm kind of asking, how are you, how are you going to deal with the holidays? 157 00:13:06.240 --> 00:13:07.240 Have you made it? 158 00:13:07.240 --> 00:13:10.040 I don't even want to think about the holidays. 159 00:13:10.040 --> 00:13:11.040 Yeah. 160 00:13:11.040 --> 00:13:12.760 Well, keep it simple. 161 00:13:12.760 --> 00:13:17.400 I mean, basically, we get in a lot of things for decorating. 162 00:13:17.400 --> 00:13:19.000 Do I do the same traditions? 163 00:13:19.000 --> 00:13:20.000 Do I do this? 164 00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:21.320 Do I do that? 165 00:13:21.320 --> 00:13:23.240 It depends on the family. 166 00:13:23.240 --> 00:13:30.640 It's good to, if you've lost, let's say you've lost your mom and you've got kids. 167 00:13:30.640 --> 00:13:31.640 Sit down as a family. 168 00:13:31.640 --> 00:13:38.600 We call it a family huddle and, and discuss what's important to get through the holidays. 169 00:13:38.600 --> 00:13:41.440 Keep it simple if you can. 170 00:13:41.440 --> 00:13:47.760 But don't, don't hide from it because eventually you're going to have to deal with it. 171 00:13:47.760 --> 00:13:54.760 And so it's, it's, it's just good to, to talk to one another and, and so you don't create 172 00:13:54.760 --> 00:13:59.640 additional issues within the family because of you're not doing something that mom would 173 00:13:59.640 --> 00:14:00.640 have liked. 174 00:14:00.640 --> 00:14:01.640 It's really great. 175 00:14:01.640 --> 00:14:06.520 You guys what he's saying because he said simple and you might, you, as soon as he said 176 00:14:06.520 --> 00:14:16.080 simple, you might have said for you, well, that was not always the case for him. 177 00:14:16.080 --> 00:14:18.080 Let me share this with you. 178 00:14:18.080 --> 00:14:25.280 I know of a family who lost the, the mom, the young couple, several kids. 179 00:14:25.280 --> 00:14:30.400 She, she got cancer, she died in her mid thirties. 180 00:14:30.400 --> 00:14:41.960 What they did in part of their grief process was the dad had them write out something that 181 00:14:41.960 --> 00:14:43.480 you remember about mom. 182 00:14:43.480 --> 00:14:44.480 Absolutely. 183 00:14:44.480 --> 00:14:45.480 That's good. 184 00:14:45.480 --> 00:14:47.640 And so that sounds kind of heavy. 185 00:14:47.640 --> 00:14:49.040 Oh my gosh. 186 00:14:49.040 --> 00:14:53.360 But here's what happened and the, and it was brilliant because the dad, the dad saw through 187 00:14:53.360 --> 00:14:55.480 this and I think God led him through this. 188 00:14:55.480 --> 00:15:00.560 So for example, the kids would say, I missed the smell of her hair or the sound of her, 189 00:15:00.560 --> 00:15:03.880 her shoes on the wooden floors at home. 190 00:15:03.880 --> 00:15:07.880 They, they would put that out there and he would get the conversation going. 191 00:15:07.880 --> 00:15:09.200 So he'd open it up. 192 00:15:09.200 --> 00:15:15.240 So the sound of mom's shoes on the floor, yeah, what did that sound like? 193 00:15:15.240 --> 00:15:17.840 Well, it sounded like this. 194 00:15:17.840 --> 00:15:18.840 Yeah, it did. 195 00:15:18.840 --> 00:15:21.440 Kind of sound, yeah, you know what? 196 00:15:21.440 --> 00:15:23.520 What were some of the funny things about mom? 197 00:15:23.520 --> 00:15:31.080 You see, he used a door to challenge the grief, begins to insert, can you remember the kids 198 00:15:31.080 --> 00:15:33.360 some of the funny things that mom would do? 199 00:15:33.360 --> 00:15:34.360 Yeah. 200 00:15:34.360 --> 00:15:35.360 Mom would do this. 201 00:15:35.360 --> 00:15:37.640 They had laugh about it and this are crying, right? 202 00:15:37.640 --> 00:15:39.040 This has got to happen. 203 00:15:39.040 --> 00:15:40.040 Absolutely. 204 00:15:40.040 --> 00:15:41.680 It has to happen. 205 00:15:41.680 --> 00:15:47.120 Then the, the dad had the confidence to say, what were some of the things that you'd 206 00:15:47.120 --> 00:15:50.080 say that just drove you crazy about mom? 207 00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:56.560 Because you know, we have this tendency as humans because we headbutt each other in life. 208 00:15:56.560 --> 00:16:03.200 And then so and so, grandma, grandpa, son, daughter, husband, wife, pass away. 209 00:16:03.200 --> 00:16:10.840 And there's almost an unwritten rule of memorializing them to where they actually, they should, 210 00:16:10.840 --> 00:16:17.400 they should, you know, have Peter, James, John, and Wilma installed up there with the saints 211 00:16:17.400 --> 00:16:23.480 because, but the reality is, and there's the power of this, this dad, he said at the 212 00:16:23.480 --> 00:16:29.080 proper time, when on, hey, can you tell me, tell, which one of you three, what did mom say 213 00:16:29.080 --> 00:16:30.080 or do to drive you? 214 00:16:30.080 --> 00:16:31.080 Just crazy. 215 00:16:31.080 --> 00:16:32.360 It drove you crazy. 216 00:16:32.360 --> 00:16:36.880 And they would say something like she wouldn't let, you know, remember, dad, she wouldn't 217 00:16:36.880 --> 00:16:39.960 let me leave the table until I ate that broccoli. 218 00:16:39.960 --> 00:16:40.960 Yeah. 219 00:16:40.960 --> 00:16:43.760 And I think I'll hate broccoli forever. 220 00:16:43.760 --> 00:16:46.880 And then the other one says the other thing, why is that important? 221 00:16:46.880 --> 00:16:53.200 It's because you're actually processing through and truly remembering her in all these 222 00:16:53.200 --> 00:16:55.920 aspects that helps their process. 223 00:16:55.920 --> 00:16:58.160 It's not, it wasn't always roses. 224 00:16:58.160 --> 00:17:02.920 There are times when I got in trouble when I painted the garage door black that day in 225 00:17:02.920 --> 00:17:03.920 mom was furious. 226 00:17:03.920 --> 00:17:07.480 And I'll never forget it because she threw her shoe at me. 227 00:17:07.480 --> 00:17:08.480 They start laughing. 228 00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:09.480 Yeah. 229 00:17:09.480 --> 00:17:10.480 Absolutely. 230 00:17:10.480 --> 00:17:11.480 Yeah. 231 00:17:11.480 --> 00:17:19.880 And so, at this time, if someone finds themselves alone for the holidays, and I'm talking 232 00:17:19.880 --> 00:17:25.600 alone, I'm talking about somebody, they don't have a church, maybe they're not even 233 00:17:25.600 --> 00:17:26.600 Christians. 234 00:17:27.600 --> 00:17:29.680 They don't have family. 235 00:17:29.680 --> 00:17:33.480 They're watching this right now or they're hearing this right now. 236 00:17:33.480 --> 00:17:35.320 What, what should they do? 237 00:17:35.320 --> 00:17:40.800 How do they, how do they not be alone for the holidays? 238 00:17:40.800 --> 00:17:47.280 One of the things that we, if you can journal, you write about that person, or you write 239 00:17:47.280 --> 00:17:54.440 a specific letter to that person, what you've been up to, what you miss, to make that connection. 240 00:17:54.440 --> 00:18:00.760 And the one that really does hit home is a personal letter to that person that you're 241 00:18:00.760 --> 00:18:01.760 missing. 242 00:18:01.760 --> 00:18:02.760 Wow. 243 00:18:02.760 --> 00:18:07.240 All the things, whether you're talking about regrets, whether you're talking about what 244 00:18:07.240 --> 00:18:12.240 you did yesterday or if you didn't do anything yesterday because you missed them or whatever, 245 00:18:12.240 --> 00:18:13.880 you have to get those emotions out. 246 00:18:13.880 --> 00:18:18.240 When you brought it up there about the dad with the kids, it's so important to talk about 247 00:18:18.240 --> 00:18:20.240 it. 248 00:18:20.240 --> 00:18:24.400 In their timing, because it's different for everyone. 249 00:18:24.400 --> 00:18:26.880 But you have to talk about it. 250 00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:31.440 Talking about that is part of the healing process and you have to get that out. 251 00:18:31.440 --> 00:18:38.480 If you clam up and hold it back, you don't, you just stay stuck. 252 00:18:38.480 --> 00:18:45.600 In my situation, afterwards, I traveled quite a bit and back east a lot. 253 00:18:45.600 --> 00:18:51.080 So you get up early in the morning, you get on a plane, all day trip, and I always had 254 00:18:51.080 --> 00:18:55.080 a connector because it was easier to fly out of Ontario. 255 00:18:55.080 --> 00:18:56.760 So I'd sleep the first half. 256 00:18:56.760 --> 00:19:02.200 Well, after my daughter passed away, God put a talker next to me on that first half. 257 00:19:02.200 --> 00:19:06.400 And you know, the saying goes, is, where are you going, business pleasure? 258 00:19:06.400 --> 00:19:07.400 Do you have a family? 259 00:19:07.400 --> 00:19:08.400 Do you have kids? 260 00:19:08.400 --> 00:19:10.400 Yeah, I just lost one. 261 00:19:10.400 --> 00:19:13.080 If they have kids, now they want to know what happened. 262 00:19:13.080 --> 00:19:14.360 Can I ask you what happened? 263 00:19:14.360 --> 00:19:16.560 It got me to talk about it. 264 00:19:16.560 --> 00:19:18.840 And most men want to stuff it. 265 00:19:18.840 --> 00:19:24.520 And so that talking about it really, really, really helped me a lot. 266 00:19:24.520 --> 00:19:26.680 And it's the same thing in our group. 267 00:19:26.680 --> 00:19:32.720 And if you are totally alone, again, writing a letter to that person, talking about your 268 00:19:32.720 --> 00:19:36.080 day or talking about what you miss about them is so important. 269 00:19:36.080 --> 00:19:43.720 Getting back to that father, the end result and conclusion was this, he said, it worked 270 00:19:43.720 --> 00:19:45.720 out great for the kids over time. 271 00:19:45.720 --> 00:19:47.880 It worked out great. 272 00:19:47.880 --> 00:19:52.760 And he said, for me, it worked out even better. 273 00:19:52.760 --> 00:19:54.520 And I said, how so? 274 00:19:54.520 --> 00:20:04.360 And he said, because I did not realize I underestimated the healing process in my own grief of listening 275 00:20:04.360 --> 00:20:12.240 to the kids, describe their relationship with her, how they viewed her. 276 00:20:12.240 --> 00:20:13.880 He learned so much about his kids. 277 00:20:13.880 --> 00:20:15.520 He said, I would not have known them. 278 00:20:15.520 --> 00:20:17.240 Those are additional blessings. 279 00:20:17.240 --> 00:20:23.440 Well, that's what he concluded. 280 00:20:23.440 --> 00:20:29.200 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of Mercies, and God 281 00:20:29.200 --> 00:20:39.160 of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation that we may be able to comfort those 282 00:20:39.160 --> 00:20:46.280 who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by 283 00:20:46.280 --> 00:20:47.280 God's. 284 00:20:47.280 --> 00:20:49.080 Right. 285 00:20:49.080 --> 00:20:51.680 So he sought out to comfort the little ones. 286 00:20:51.680 --> 00:20:54.880 They wound up participating. 287 00:20:54.880 --> 00:21:04.360 He went away, healed the most because his attempt to comfort, God used them to wind up 288 00:21:04.360 --> 00:21:05.360 comforting him. 289 00:21:05.360 --> 00:21:09.880 But he had a lot of additional impacts that she had on those kids that he knew nothing 290 00:21:09.880 --> 00:21:10.880 about. 291 00:21:10.880 --> 00:21:13.440 He didn't even know, right? 292 00:21:13.440 --> 00:21:18.280 And what a blessing for him to say, wow, my wife, I knew she was a super mom, but oh my 293 00:21:18.280 --> 00:21:19.280 gosh. 294 00:21:19.280 --> 00:21:20.280 That's right. 295 00:21:20.280 --> 00:21:29.400 You should say that because Lisa and I were wondering what are, we don't call funeral 296 00:21:29.400 --> 00:21:33.360 services in the Christian faith, funeral services. 297 00:21:33.360 --> 00:21:35.600 We call them graduations or celebrations. 298 00:21:35.600 --> 00:21:41.200 I like graduation even better than celebration because a graduation includes graduation and 299 00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:44.200 graduations have celebrations. 300 00:21:44.200 --> 00:21:50.720 So we've wondered, you know, what's it going to be like when our grandkids find out, you 301 00:21:50.720 --> 00:21:56.640 know, when, for example, our oldest, when Emmy goes to the podium to say, I miss my 302 00:21:56.640 --> 00:22:03.120 Emmy and my papa, and I was their favorite grandchild. 303 00:22:03.120 --> 00:22:10.840 Well, then the next an age would be Ollie and he would get up there and he would say, 304 00:22:10.840 --> 00:22:17.960 wait a minute, they told me that I was their great, their favorite grandchild. 305 00:22:17.960 --> 00:22:23.640 And then the third Ames would get up there and say, forget all you guys, they said, I 306 00:22:23.640 --> 00:22:26.200 was the, and that's how we want to love. 307 00:22:26.240 --> 00:22:27.200 Yeah, right. 308 00:22:27.200 --> 00:22:34.000 We want to love that way to where with what you have now, with those that are around 309 00:22:34.000 --> 00:22:39.960 you now, to, to leave a mark, you're going to leave a mark anyway. 310 00:22:39.960 --> 00:22:40.960 Right. 311 00:22:40.960 --> 00:22:47.200 It's great to leave a mark that has that beautiful aspect of how that father pointed 312 00:22:47.200 --> 00:22:52.240 out the stuff that mom drove us crazy about, but the stuff, the sound of mom coming down 313 00:22:52.240 --> 00:22:54.400 the hallway or the smell over here. 314 00:22:54.400 --> 00:22:58.800 Those are things that help in the grief process beautifully, but you've got to go beyond, 315 00:22:58.800 --> 00:23:01.120 you got to press into the promises of God. 316 00:23:01.120 --> 00:23:02.480 And let's remember this. 317 00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:08.640 Jesus said, if somebody dies, believe in him, me, though he may die yet he shall live. 318 00:23:08.640 --> 00:23:11.920 And that even everlasting. 319 00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:16.000 So you might say, well, yeah, but Jack, I, my, my nine year old died. 320 00:23:16.000 --> 00:23:20.320 I believe personally in the sovereignty of God knowing this that Paul, the Apostle said 321 00:23:20.320 --> 00:23:26.880 there's no appointment of law where there is no appointment or knowledge of the law. 322 00:23:26.880 --> 00:23:29.080 There is no knowledge of sin. 323 00:23:29.080 --> 00:23:35.160 So you think of a, you think of a five year old, how big can a five year old sin? 324 00:23:35.160 --> 00:23:36.880 They're not knowledgeable of the law. 325 00:23:36.880 --> 00:23:37.880 Are they sinners? 326 00:23:37.880 --> 00:23:38.880 Yes. 327 00:23:38.880 --> 00:23:39.880 But we'll God hold them accountable. 328 00:23:39.880 --> 00:23:40.880 I don't believe so. 329 00:23:40.880 --> 00:23:43.560 They're not at the age of accountability, whatever that age is. 330 00:23:43.560 --> 00:23:48.560 It's later on for sure, but you're going to see your child again. 331 00:23:48.560 --> 00:23:53.760 In the meantime, for those of you who have your husband, your wives, your kids, your parents, 332 00:23:53.760 --> 00:24:05.480 you're going to want to pay the expense to tell them now, do things now. 333 00:24:05.480 --> 00:24:09.600 And I think I speak for everybody when I say, we don't need a gift. 334 00:24:09.600 --> 00:24:13.240 We're not talking about, I don't need to watch. 335 00:24:13.240 --> 00:24:16.880 I either want your time, right? 336 00:24:16.880 --> 00:24:21.480 Or just a note, just a note. 337 00:24:21.480 --> 00:24:25.160 So love on the people who are in your life now. 338 00:24:25.160 --> 00:24:31.440 Don't wind up having to live a regretful life once they're gone. 339 00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:36.720 It's risky, it's expensive, it's costly, and I'm not talking dollars, I'm talking about 340 00:24:36.720 --> 00:24:37.720 your emotion. 341 00:24:37.720 --> 00:24:41.800 Love is very expensive because you put yourself out there, man. 342 00:24:41.800 --> 00:24:43.920 And yet you were designed to do that. 343 00:24:43.920 --> 00:24:48.960 And nobody exhibited that greater than the creator of love himself, God. 344 00:24:48.960 --> 00:25:00.240 And so what would you add to someone that you know is facing loneliness? 345 00:25:00.240 --> 00:25:10.360 Know the difference between isolation and getting along with God. 346 00:25:10.360 --> 00:25:11.360 Explain. 347 00:25:12.000 --> 00:25:16.160 Isolation is you don't want anything to do with anybody. 348 00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:19.680 You don't want to move, you don't want to go out and get out. 349 00:25:19.680 --> 00:25:30.280 You basically stay, become a shut in, you know, solitary is different when you want 350 00:25:30.280 --> 00:25:36.800 to, you know, solitarily get by yourself, get with the Lord, get with your grief. 351 00:25:36.800 --> 00:25:39.840 You do have to deal with that. 352 00:25:39.840 --> 00:25:46.040 And to me, that is dealing with your grief to me is, remember the blessings you had. 353 00:25:46.040 --> 00:25:51.320 Every good and perfect gift comes from above, comes from above, says in James, right? 354 00:25:51.320 --> 00:25:57.240 And it's, it's to get away from the negative and remember the positive that person impacted 355 00:25:57.240 --> 00:25:59.400 you and impacted others. 356 00:25:59.400 --> 00:26:02.360 And that was, that was their purpose. 357 00:26:02.360 --> 00:26:05.880 And so now what are you going to do? 358 00:26:05.880 --> 00:26:08.600 The question comes on, what do you want to do? 359 00:26:09.200 --> 00:26:14.240 Let me get out and try to impact others with that, whether it's helping holiday season, 360 00:26:14.240 --> 00:26:17.840 whether it's helping at a shelter, whether it's helping, whatever, when you help others, 361 00:26:17.840 --> 00:26:23.240 you, again, you help yourself and, and it's 100% true. 362 00:26:23.240 --> 00:26:28.520 And, and you realize that, you know what, I do have, I do have a purpose moving forward. 363 00:26:28.520 --> 00:26:33.080 I can affect people around me, whether it's family or if you don't have family, 364 00:26:33.080 --> 00:26:35.480 you can, the stranger is the grocery store. 365 00:26:35.520 --> 00:26:39.680 Many times I've come into the grocery store and seen somebody that's hurting. 366 00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:46.640 And, and when I'm bold enough, because not always, we're human, and we, I'll walk up 367 00:26:46.640 --> 00:26:48.200 and say, are you okay? 368 00:26:48.200 --> 00:26:52.480 I'll give you an example, and this wasn't the holiday season, but, but how you can be bold. 369 00:26:52.480 --> 00:26:55.880 When I had my heart surgery and I'm laying in bed, I can't get out of bed. 370 00:26:55.880 --> 00:27:02.000 The nurse came in and had a, had a weird look on her face and I asked her, are you okay? 371 00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:04.440 And she goes, no, not really. 372 00:27:04.440 --> 00:27:05.440 Oh. 373 00:27:05.440 --> 00:27:08.240 And I said, can I pray for you? 374 00:27:08.240 --> 00:27:14.360 And she said, she just hesitated and looked like shocked and said, yeah. 375 00:27:14.360 --> 00:27:19.120 And so I prayed with her and I, you know, God, you know, the details and, you know, 376 00:27:19.120 --> 00:27:26.720 just bless her, bless her day, let her come out of it and gave it to Jesus, name in, right? 377 00:27:26.720 --> 00:27:29.480 And she looked at me and she goes, I've been in nurse 14 years. 378 00:27:29.520 --> 00:27:32.040 You're the only person that's ever asked to pray with me. 379 00:27:32.040 --> 00:27:33.480 That's almost always the response. 380 00:27:33.480 --> 00:27:36.160 And, and so what was it? 381 00:27:36.160 --> 00:27:38.600 I got blessed, right? 382 00:27:38.600 --> 00:27:43.240 So now my mood, I'm laying there, can't move and my, my attitude changed. 383 00:27:43.240 --> 00:27:46.040 It's the same thing in the grief in the holiday season. 384 00:27:46.040 --> 00:27:47.640 It's the same thing. 385 00:27:47.640 --> 00:27:51.360 It's, you bless somebody else and, and your day just rises. 386 00:27:51.360 --> 00:27:57.320 You know what Brad's talking about is Jesus said, if you forget your life, you'll find it. 387 00:27:57.320 --> 00:27:59.320 That's exactly what that means. 388 00:27:59.320 --> 00:28:04.160 And he just gave a commentary on the meaning of that passage, or that verse that Jesus 389 00:28:04.160 --> 00:28:05.160 gave. 390 00:28:05.160 --> 00:28:09.400 And then, and conversely, Jesus said, if you hang on to your life and try to preserve 391 00:28:09.400 --> 00:28:12.920 it, you're going to wind up losing it. 392 00:28:12.920 --> 00:28:23.160 And wow, you're making me think, I will, I'll change the name to, to, to protect the, 393 00:28:23.160 --> 00:28:24.160 the guilty. 394 00:28:24.160 --> 00:28:25.960 So let's call him Fred. 395 00:28:25.960 --> 00:28:36.360 So we knew Fred and his wife, Susie, and Susie cancer in several years of battle and 396 00:28:36.360 --> 00:28:39.000 all this stuff. 397 00:28:39.000 --> 00:28:40.920 And she died. 398 00:28:40.920 --> 00:28:53.800 And it turns out that when she passed, as is normal, his faith was tested. 399 00:28:53.800 --> 00:28:57.520 And she, she was the one that had the foundation. 400 00:28:57.520 --> 00:29:00.720 He pretty much stood on her foundation mostly. 401 00:29:00.720 --> 00:29:02.000 So he had to grow up real quick. 402 00:29:02.000 --> 00:29:09.600 The problem is he did, listen, friends, please. 403 00:29:09.600 --> 00:29:15.120 I'm telling you a story that's almost 20 years old now. 404 00:29:15.120 --> 00:29:17.240 And the guy never recovered to this day. 405 00:29:17.240 --> 00:29:18.240 Wow. 406 00:29:18.240 --> 00:29:23.760 Here's the reason why everybody in his life, including Lisa and I, said, 407 00:29:23.760 --> 00:29:27.600 you know the drill, right? 408 00:29:27.600 --> 00:29:32.520 The drill is, in your grief, don't make any big decisions, right? 409 00:29:32.520 --> 00:29:39.320 In fact, run them by your family, which he didn't have one. 410 00:29:39.320 --> 00:29:44.440 So run them by us, run them by your, your church family. 411 00:29:44.440 --> 00:29:51.520 But in your grief, because he was really having a hard time, don't make any decisions. 412 00:29:51.520 --> 00:30:05.720 This couple had a marvelous, to say the least home, paid for in Orange County, spectacular. 413 00:30:05.720 --> 00:30:10.920 And we heard he had sold it. 414 00:30:10.920 --> 00:30:11.920 What's going on? 415 00:30:11.920 --> 00:30:16.560 I just, everywhere I turn, every room, listen, this is a month, every room. 416 00:30:16.560 --> 00:30:18.760 I think of her, every room I think of her. 417 00:30:18.760 --> 00:30:21.320 Listen, friends, he didn't, he didn't listen to what 418 00:30:21.320 --> 00:30:22.320 Brad's talking about. 419 00:30:22.320 --> 00:30:27.760 He didn't, he didn't process the fact that you're going to have to go through grief at times. 420 00:30:27.760 --> 00:30:35.920 So he starts making decisions, thinking, if I get rid of the home that we built, what 421 00:30:35.920 --> 00:30:38.440 should be gone? 422 00:30:38.440 --> 00:30:40.640 What are you, what are you attempting to do? 423 00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:45.480 Every room I see her, every room I can think. 424 00:30:45.480 --> 00:30:50.120 And that decision led to another bad decision. 425 00:30:50.120 --> 00:30:51.760 There's no balls from there, right? 426 00:30:51.760 --> 00:30:55.160 And then rapidly he was remarried. 427 00:30:55.160 --> 00:30:57.480 And that was a bad decision. 428 00:30:57.480 --> 00:31:05.000 And on and on, what I would happen is that the griefs took over so much so that emotions 429 00:31:05.000 --> 00:31:10.080 which are just emotions are just blood red all the time, right? 430 00:31:10.080 --> 00:31:13.720 Think about emotions. 431 00:31:13.720 --> 00:31:16.440 One day his emotion said this. 432 00:31:16.440 --> 00:31:22.080 I got to shut down our music room because she loved to play the piano. 433 00:31:22.080 --> 00:31:25.040 I got to lock that door. 434 00:31:25.040 --> 00:31:29.480 You go around and you shut down all the rooms and what do you have? 435 00:31:29.480 --> 00:31:39.440 You have this form of isolation where you are alone with nobody else, but you versus 436 00:31:39.440 --> 00:31:47.280 what was the word you used versus isolation versus solitary solitary or being alone with 437 00:31:47.280 --> 00:31:48.280 God? 438 00:31:48.280 --> 00:31:53.960 When you're alone with God, the word alone actually is impossible to an oxymoronic word 439 00:31:53.960 --> 00:32:00.000 in that sentence, when you're with God, you're not alone. 440 00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:07.200 It's impossible to go through grief without God if the Lord Jesus Christ is the Lord of 441 00:32:07.200 --> 00:32:09.240 your life. 442 00:32:09.240 --> 00:32:12.760 Christians are not exempt from difficulty. 443 00:32:12.760 --> 00:32:19.200 It could be argued, Christians have it more difficult in life because God is testing 444 00:32:19.200 --> 00:32:22.760 and purifying our faith. 445 00:32:22.760 --> 00:32:29.240 But today if you find yourself suffering at this season or anytime you see this broadcast, 446 00:32:29.240 --> 00:32:32.960 you need to ask yourself, first of all, do you know the Lord Jesus personally? 447 00:32:32.960 --> 00:32:36.040 In other words, in your grief has God been speaking to you, be honest? 448 00:32:36.040 --> 00:32:40.880 Because God has been speaking to you, words like and words will do this together. 449 00:32:40.880 --> 00:32:42.480 This is unrehearsed. 450 00:32:42.480 --> 00:32:49.560 In your grief, God would speak and He has been speaking things to you like. 451 00:32:49.560 --> 00:32:58.840 You'll get through this more, what, what are the words we hear from Him in grief? 452 00:32:58.840 --> 00:33:02.920 I have a purpose through this. 453 00:33:02.920 --> 00:33:04.760 You can rest on me, my hope. 454 00:33:04.760 --> 00:33:06.760 I'll give you the hope that you need. 455 00:33:06.760 --> 00:33:09.360 I'll give you the strength you need. 456 00:33:09.360 --> 00:33:12.560 Let me be your refuge in this time. 457 00:33:12.560 --> 00:33:13.560 How about this? 458 00:33:13.560 --> 00:33:14.560 Yes to that, by the way. 459 00:33:14.560 --> 00:33:15.560 How about this? 460 00:33:15.560 --> 00:33:29.080 This is this is the one that's when God says to our why I don't understand. 461 00:33:29.080 --> 00:33:33.400 When God answers back in our hearts and we know it's Him because we wind up having 462 00:33:33.400 --> 00:33:37.280 an argument inside of our head and we're not arguing with us because the, the, the 463 00:33:37.280 --> 00:33:44.320 argue or is, you, you can tell He's bigger than us, you can, and, and He says things like 464 00:33:44.320 --> 00:33:51.560 this to us, I didn't ask you to understand it, but I don't understand. 465 00:33:51.560 --> 00:33:55.560 You're not going to understand it. 466 00:33:55.560 --> 00:34:03.760 You've got to be able to have a relationship with God that when He says, you don't understand 467 00:34:03.760 --> 00:34:08.320 this because you're not supposed to understand this. 468 00:34:08.320 --> 00:34:09.880 I'm asking you to trust me. 469 00:34:09.880 --> 00:34:13.040 If you understood it, you wouldn't trust me. 470 00:34:13.040 --> 00:34:19.920 I'm asking you to trust me and don't get caught up in the understanding because even 471 00:34:19.920 --> 00:34:24.840 if He were to tell us what He's doing, you know, we still wouldn't get it. 472 00:34:24.840 --> 00:34:31.120 When we started the ministry, some, my wife and I have some 25 years ago now, when God 473 00:34:31.120 --> 00:34:35.800 put it on our hearts because we couldn't find anything around here and when He said, you 474 00:34:35.800 --> 00:34:38.320 know, maybe you should provide it here. 475 00:34:38.320 --> 00:34:40.480 And I said, Lord, I'm not good enough. 476 00:34:40.480 --> 00:34:43.120 And He says, you don't have to be, I am. 477 00:34:43.120 --> 00:34:44.120 I am. 478 00:34:44.120 --> 00:34:45.120 It got me. 479 00:34:45.120 --> 00:34:46.120 He said, I am. 480 00:34:46.120 --> 00:34:48.440 And it was like, okay. 481 00:34:48.440 --> 00:34:57.000 So we jumped in the deep end and I'm still threatened water, but he guides through. 482 00:34:57.000 --> 00:35:00.080 And at the time, I don't know what I say. 483 00:35:00.080 --> 00:35:05.080 And that's a good thing to take the truth because it's Him. 484 00:35:05.080 --> 00:35:06.080 It's not me. 485 00:35:06.080 --> 00:35:11.720 Well, when someone's grieving, the last thing that they need to hear from is a prepackage, 486 00:35:11.720 --> 00:35:19.520 presto-matic cookie cutter answer that you've just regurgitated to 10,000 people. 487 00:35:19.520 --> 00:35:23.920 People need to know from you, hear from you in the moment. 488 00:35:23.920 --> 00:35:26.520 We're going to, we're going to start to wrap this up. 489 00:35:26.520 --> 00:35:33.880 Brad is the overseer of a ministry that is acknowledged. 490 00:35:33.880 --> 00:35:38.520 I say acknowledged, it's because it happens everywhere there's humans. 491 00:35:38.520 --> 00:35:46.440 But because of Brad's passion and what he and his wife have gone through in learning 492 00:35:46.440 --> 00:35:55.040 to embrace the suffering and the hurt that God's got the plan to this, He ministers to 493 00:35:55.040 --> 00:36:00.280 so many people and tell them, tell the viewers a little bit about the ministry. 494 00:36:00.280 --> 00:36:06.880 And I hope it winds up causing your church or wherever you're at to do such a thing. 495 00:36:06.880 --> 00:36:13.520 But in wrapping up, to talk about the ministry, what you've seen happen, give us a day in 496 00:36:13.520 --> 00:36:16.920 the life of what you do. 497 00:36:16.920 --> 00:36:21.080 We call our ministry seasons of grief because it is a season. 498 00:36:21.080 --> 00:36:24.760 You go through different seasons and grief is definitely one and probably the heaviest 499 00:36:24.760 --> 00:36:29.160 one, depending on your relationship with the person you lost. 500 00:36:29.160 --> 00:36:33.440 But it's done through grief share, they're out of North Carolina. 501 00:36:33.440 --> 00:36:39.640 They have a video series, it's it's biblically based and it's a it's a program that we 502 00:36:39.640 --> 00:36:43.680 use and it's a video watch and then discussion groups afterwards. 503 00:36:43.680 --> 00:36:47.240 And that's where the synergy and the dynamics come, especially for those that that are bold 504 00:36:47.240 --> 00:36:49.000 enough to share. 505 00:36:49.000 --> 00:36:56.320 And there it's available all over the country and churches can get the curriculum and get 506 00:36:56.320 --> 00:37:00.560 the videos and start a grief group at their church. 507 00:37:00.560 --> 00:37:05.880 And basically that's what we modeled our group after. 508 00:37:05.880 --> 00:37:08.720 That's the group we went through when we couldn't find anything. 509 00:37:08.720 --> 00:37:11.440 And we just modeled it after that. 510 00:37:11.440 --> 00:37:18.280 And but it's a video series and the discussion group and then we make contacts and the fellowship 511 00:37:18.280 --> 00:37:24.600 that happens in between the people that attend, you talk about alone, we split off in different 512 00:37:24.600 --> 00:37:25.600 groups. 513 00:37:25.600 --> 00:37:30.040 So like widow and widowers are a separate group because it's a different dynamic, the 514 00:37:30.040 --> 00:37:32.040 relationship you had with that person. 515 00:37:32.040 --> 00:37:37.400 And then everybody else, whether you've lost siblings or parents or grandparents or friends 516 00:37:37.400 --> 00:37:41.280 or whatever, our group tends to be rather large. 517 00:37:41.280 --> 00:37:46.360 So we usually split in multiple groups of that and and basically lead those discussion 518 00:37:46.360 --> 00:37:47.360 groups. 519 00:37:47.360 --> 00:37:49.720 And we have some additional facilitators and stuff like that. 520 00:37:49.720 --> 00:37:55.720 I would imagine because of the way the body of Christ works. 521 00:37:55.720 --> 00:38:07.480 Do you see, do you see people loving on one another without prodding or without you having 522 00:38:07.480 --> 00:38:08.480 to exhort them? 523 00:38:08.480 --> 00:38:09.480 Absolutely. 524 00:38:09.480 --> 00:38:10.480 Absolutely. 525 00:38:10.480 --> 00:38:11.480 Powerfully, huh? 526 00:38:11.480 --> 00:38:18.680 Because people that attend the group, there are different spaces on their grief journey. 527 00:38:18.680 --> 00:38:22.360 Some are just entering, some have traveled the road a little bit but still dealing with 528 00:38:22.360 --> 00:38:23.880 some additional things. 529 00:38:23.880 --> 00:38:31.000 And so it's really, they're lifting one another up and it's it's it's powerful to see and 530 00:38:31.000 --> 00:38:38.560 and we had some people will come in and they won't say a word in the discussion group. 531 00:38:38.560 --> 00:38:43.240 But yet they'll get one on one with a with a young mother that just lost a child because 532 00:38:43.240 --> 00:38:48.560 they've lost somebody, you know, many years ago and they'll lift them up and and the sharing 533 00:38:48.560 --> 00:38:54.400 that goes on in that aspect is is really try room quite remarkable. 534 00:38:54.400 --> 00:38:55.400 Yeah. 535 00:38:55.400 --> 00:38:59.200 And to see that, you know, it's it's pretty neat. 536 00:38:59.200 --> 00:39:02.560 And you know, and other ministries have spun off of ours too. 537 00:39:02.560 --> 00:39:06.840 Widows of worth is one too with just for widows. 538 00:39:06.840 --> 00:39:09.840 Even the breast cancer ministry came off of ours. 539 00:39:09.840 --> 00:39:10.840 Isn't that something? 540 00:39:10.840 --> 00:39:11.840 Yeah. 541 00:39:11.840 --> 00:39:12.840 I love what he's saying. 542 00:39:12.840 --> 00:39:17.440 He's reminded me of what's going on going on around here on campus where there were 543 00:39:17.520 --> 00:39:21.400 these the world would say there was this problem. 544 00:39:21.400 --> 00:39:23.680 There was this horrible situation. 545 00:39:23.680 --> 00:39:26.160 There was this terrible issue. 546 00:39:26.160 --> 00:39:36.320 Well, through the scriptures through Christ's eyes, when we hear, oh, she has cancer. 547 00:39:36.320 --> 00:39:38.480 And we need to lay hands on her. 548 00:39:38.480 --> 00:39:39.480 We need to pray for her. 549 00:39:39.480 --> 00:39:40.760 We need to anoint her with oil. 550 00:39:40.760 --> 00:39:42.200 We need to come alongside her. 551 00:39:42.200 --> 00:39:46.600 We need to ask her husband if that if that's the situation, how can we help? 552 00:39:46.600 --> 00:39:49.400 Let's just church being church. 553 00:39:49.400 --> 00:39:55.240 But what's amazing, and I think this is actually the word of God at work within someone who 554 00:39:55.240 --> 00:39:56.240 has cancer. 555 00:39:56.240 --> 00:40:02.160 Remember, the spirit, the soul, the eternal part of a human being never gets cancer, never 556 00:40:02.160 --> 00:40:03.640 gets sick. 557 00:40:03.640 --> 00:40:05.240 Their body gets sick. 558 00:40:05.240 --> 00:40:07.760 So they feed off the word. 559 00:40:07.760 --> 00:40:12.080 So they're hearing the word, they're hearing Bible study or they're going to a small group 560 00:40:12.080 --> 00:40:17.680 and they're growing, even though they're technically dying, they're growing. 561 00:40:17.680 --> 00:40:24.760 And what happens and what Brad is referring to, widows of worth, and what is the breast 562 00:40:24.760 --> 00:40:25.760 cancer thing? 563 00:40:25.760 --> 00:40:26.760 Not alone. 564 00:40:26.760 --> 00:40:28.400 Not alone. 565 00:40:28.400 --> 00:40:35.400 Where these ministries were created by people who were going through grief, right? 566 00:40:35.400 --> 00:40:36.400 Absolutely. 567 00:40:36.400 --> 00:40:42.760 And they came and they said, hey, can I start a ministry to women who are battling breast 568 00:40:42.760 --> 00:40:44.400 cancer? 569 00:40:44.400 --> 00:40:49.440 And normally, you know, normally you don't look at a church's website and say, you know, 570 00:40:49.440 --> 00:40:54.600 it says, you know, contact us directions, um, breast cancer group. 571 00:40:54.600 --> 00:40:55.600 Yeah. 572 00:40:55.600 --> 00:41:00.320 But when you get down through it all, you discover, wow. 573 00:41:01.120 --> 00:41:08.560 Well, we're simply announcing to you that your suffering, your grief is normal in this 574 00:41:08.560 --> 00:41:10.640 fallen world. 575 00:41:10.640 --> 00:41:14.120 However, it's not over for us. 576 00:41:14.120 --> 00:41:15.120 It's not over. 577 00:41:15.120 --> 00:41:18.960 Listen, if you're, if you are a follower of Jesus, if you're a born again believer, John 578 00:41:18.960 --> 00:41:22.480 chapter three, go read it. 579 00:41:22.480 --> 00:41:28.680 This is, is close to hell is we'll ever get now. 580 00:41:28.840 --> 00:41:37.960 I love that understanding because the scripture says, I has not seen ear has not heard nor has 581 00:41:37.960 --> 00:41:48.520 it entered into the minds of man, the things that God has prepared for those who love him. 582 00:41:48.520 --> 00:41:50.200 It's incredible. 583 00:41:50.200 --> 00:41:56.840 So I'm going to ask Brad to press out knowing that you could be watching right now and 584 00:41:56.840 --> 00:41:59.720 you could be alone. 585 00:41:59.720 --> 00:42:07.280 So you think, but the Lord in Joshua chapter one, you should read it later. 586 00:42:07.280 --> 00:42:13.880 Over and over again, tells Joshua, be not afraid, be not dismayed, be of good courage for 587 00:42:13.880 --> 00:42:18.600 the Lord thy God is with you wherever you go. 588 00:42:18.600 --> 00:42:19.600 Remember that. 589 00:42:19.600 --> 00:42:20.600 Will you close this in prayer? 590 00:42:20.600 --> 00:42:21.600 Sure. 591 00:42:21.600 --> 00:42:22.600 Absolutely. 592 00:42:22.600 --> 00:42:23.600 Thank you. 593 00:42:23.600 --> 00:42:26.560 It's time that, that you've blessed us with. 594 00:42:26.560 --> 00:42:30.360 We thank you for all the blessings you give each and every one of us. 595 00:42:30.360 --> 00:42:35.640 And for those that are grieving, Father, we just asked that you, they would feel your comfort. 596 00:42:35.640 --> 00:42:40.080 If they don't have a strong relationship with you, Father, let them run to you because 597 00:42:40.080 --> 00:42:45.040 that's where their, their peace and comfort will come from in the midst of their grief. 598 00:42:45.040 --> 00:42:49.840 Father, don't let them isolate, let them reach out. 599 00:42:49.840 --> 00:42:50.840 Yeah. 600 00:42:50.840 --> 00:42:54.760 Let them reach out to, to first of all you. 601 00:42:54.760 --> 00:43:00.000 And if not you, Father, then, then someone that maybe has traveled the grief journey and 602 00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:05.560 that they can, they can be lifted up and encouraged from that, from that journey. 603 00:43:05.560 --> 00:43:10.040 And so, Father, we just asked that our heart goes out to those that maybe have recently 604 00:43:10.040 --> 00:43:15.000 lost a loved one and this holiday season is especially heavy, Father, they will get 605 00:43:15.000 --> 00:43:19.840 through this with your help and your guidance, Father, they will. 606 00:43:19.840 --> 00:43:24.760 And so, I just lift this up, just time up to you now and just ask that you would just 607 00:43:24.760 --> 00:43:29.920 please just, just touch each and everyone that might have a broken heart. 608 00:43:29.920 --> 00:43:32.560 You're the one that heals broken hearts, Father. 609 00:43:32.560 --> 00:43:34.480 And you save those who are crushed in spirit. 610 00:43:34.480 --> 00:43:38.560 So, Father, we just look to you and we just give it in Jesus' name. 611 00:43:38.560 --> 00:43:39.560 Amen. 612 00:43:39.560 --> 00:43:53.320 Well, it's an awesome thing that we have a God who writes to us in his book so much about 613 00:43:53.320 --> 00:44:00.200 suffering and healing and restoration and eternal life. 614 00:44:00.200 --> 00:44:01.200 It's awesome. 615 00:44:01.200 --> 00:44:05.200 Brad, we love you, we love what you're doing. 616 00:44:05.200 --> 00:44:13.120 And if somebody, are you even able to be able to take a phone call or something, if 617 00:44:13.120 --> 00:44:20.040 I do, do I dare save somebody out there, they'd like to reach out to you, to reach out 618 00:44:20.040 --> 00:44:26.120 for Brad's styler, Brad's styler here and I have no idea what our phone number is. 619 00:44:26.120 --> 00:44:28.120 Do you know what our phone number is? 620 00:44:28.120 --> 00:44:33.920 909, 373, 7100, I believe, no, excuse me again. 621 00:44:33.920 --> 00:44:41.160 909, 393, 7100, we don't even know where we work, how did we get here today? 622 00:44:41.160 --> 00:44:46.320 You can call the church office, I'm here Tuesdays and Thursdays in the morning and I do take 623 00:44:46.320 --> 00:44:47.760 phone calls. 624 00:44:47.760 --> 00:44:49.280 You can definitely reach out. 625 00:44:49.280 --> 00:44:57.040 You can also email our seasons of grief website which is SOG at calverycch.org. 626 00:44:57.040 --> 00:44:59.920 Very good, that would be really good. 627 00:44:59.920 --> 00:45:03.360 So you can email me and I do get back to you. 628 00:45:03.360 --> 00:45:08.800 That might be a great idea, email, because I know that sounds impersonal, but it allows 629 00:45:08.800 --> 00:45:14.240 Brad, by the way, to respond to your email in such a way that maybe he's not the guy to 630 00:45:14.240 --> 00:45:18.800 connect with you, but much better that this woman who just went through exactly what you're 631 00:45:18.800 --> 00:45:20.600 going through might be better. 632 00:45:20.600 --> 00:45:21.600 And we do that. 633 00:45:21.600 --> 00:45:26.800 We have a network of people that have different skills and different losses and stuff that 634 00:45:26.800 --> 00:45:27.800 they can relate to. 635 00:45:27.800 --> 00:45:32.040 I can't relate to the loss of a spouse, but we do have people that they can. 636 00:45:33.040 --> 00:45:34.040 That's right. 637 00:45:34.040 --> 00:45:43.840 Well, listen, you know, unusual podcast, but not everything that we fly under the banner 638 00:45:43.840 --> 00:45:49.040 of real life and we just discussed what happens in real life. 639 00:45:49.040 --> 00:45:54.360 So friends, listen, as always, we believe that it's time for you to live out what you believe 640 00:45:54.360 --> 00:46:00.120 in that it is time for real life and we encourage you to do that very thing. 641 00:46:00.120 --> 00:46:01.120 Thank God. 642 00:46:01.120 --> 00:46:02.120 Seek his word. 643 00:46:02.120 --> 00:46:03.120 Matthew 6.33. 644 00:46:03.120 --> 00:46:09.160 Seek him first and all things and he will add to your life what is needed. 645 00:46:09.160 --> 00:46:17.520 And so God bless you to get back together again next time. 646 00:46:17.520 --> 00:46:22.080 This Jack Kibb's podcast as well as all the broadcast outreach opportunities are listener 647 00:46:22.080 --> 00:46:23.400 supported. 648 00:46:23.400 --> 00:46:27.000 Will you consider partnering with us through a special gift? 649 00:46:27.000 --> 00:46:31.640 Go to jackhibbs.com to learn more and stay connected.