WEBVTT

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So if I want to have these character traits, then I have to vanquish big dragons and big monsters along

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the way. The bigger the monster, the more epic the hero. And so it's like, if you want to maximize

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the hero, then you got to go and slay big monsters. And so that's what I want. I want to maximize the hero.

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Welcome to the game where we talk about how to get more customers, how to make more

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customer and how to keep them longer. And the many failures and lessons we have learned along the way.

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I hope you enjoy and subscribe.

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Well, I have a million notes, dude, that this would go on for eight hours. But I just saw recently

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another one flying through that I thought I'm going to talk to him about this. Even though it has

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nothing to do with anything else, what's the deal with never skipping dessert? This is great. This

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was like way into something that I've been wanting to talk about. Good. So like I see the videos that

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are like the Hermosi content method, the how Alex from the four pillars of Alex Hermosi's brand.

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And they like they try to like a scribe marketing terms to like what we're doing. When in reality,

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we do none of that. I'm always secure. It's like, Oh, what are my pillars? And so like never skip

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dessert happened because I come from a fitness background and everyone in my early audience was

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fitness people and they're always like never skip Monday, never skip leg day. And I was like,

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fuck it, never skip dessert. You know what I mean? And so it was just counter to everything outside.

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I just thought it was cute and funny because I like eating dessert and I still have a six pack. And so

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maybe there's another way to do it. And so anyways, the point was it's just me being me, right? And

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then I did no idea it was going to, I mean, it was just one time I did never skip dessert and then

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like 50 people tagged me the next week with desserts and stuff. And so I think it was a relatively

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cute saying put around an event that people usually want to document anyways. When dessert comes

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and it's all fancy, like you want to take a picture of it, but you don't want to be that person.

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And it just gave people permission to post something they wanted to post anyways. And so I think

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that's why those two things kind of combined. But for me, like somebody was like, so did you like

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think about the wife beater? And I was like, I get hot a lot. And so I wear wifebeaters. Like,

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I can work out in them and like I can throw something on top if I get cold. You know what I mean?

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And I throw the flanels on that I have because they're really soft and comfortable. That's why I wear

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it. Like I wear the shorts that I wear because they can get wet. I can go to the gym and I can go to

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a nice restaurant and I can get my phone in my side pocket. And while I'm sitting down right now,

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that I've been taking it out of my pocket every time. I had one of my, my team asked me this,

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he was like, so what do you tell somebody who is boring? You're just like interesting. I was like,

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I don't think that's true. I think that people suppress themselves because they're afraid of

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other people's judgment. I think people would do more things that are more like them if they weren't

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afraid of looking different. But if the whole point, like the point isn't to stand out. The point

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is just do you. And because everyone else doesn't do them, you will stand out as a result. But it's

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more the outcome than it is the desired result. Did you ever have that fear and you had to get

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over it? Or have you just, that's, you've never really worried about that and just always have done

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you? No, of course I've had insecurities. I mean, I just think that over time, they just become

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less and less important. I mean, I think a lot about my 85 year old self, good old grandpa,

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grandpa Alex. And I just think that guy doesn't give a fuck. And I'm just thinking like if that

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doesn't give a fuck, then I might as well not give a fuck now. Old people are happier than

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everyone else except for kids. It's a smile. You probably see in the graph, the smiley face where

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it's like you're happiest when you're a child. You're really miserable at 40. And then you become

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happy again at like 60-ish when you realize that like nothing mattered to begin with. And then you

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just do you. And so I was just like, if I'm going to come to that conclusion eventually anyways,

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I might as well just start now. And like I wear comfortable shoes. They don't look cool.

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But if I'm going to do what I'm 85, I might as well do it now. Like they don't care. They're not

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worried about it. They're like, I got a bunion. You're like, shit hurts. I got a worth of nice

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soft shoes. Right. And I'm good with it. I'm just fine with it. I don't know. Just doesn't bug me.

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But so, but that's still against the grain. Most people do. They struggle with it. They think about

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that. I remember my dad, specifically this moment, I've shared it a lot. I'm getting ready for

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like this banquet or something. And I'm like, I don't have these pants or these pants. He goes,

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they don't care about your pants. They care about their pants. And I just thought like I thought

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that part of it as well as being worried about that. But you've come to this realization and able

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to act on it, which is even harder sooner than most. How do you think you have you've done that?

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I think about the fact that I'm going to die every day. Really? And it's probably the

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thought that I think most frequently throughout the day. Are you scared of that? No.

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Just the realization this is going to happen. I'm going to die. Yeah. I could die tomorrow.

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Yeah. What a shame it would be if I cared about what pants I think about this. Imagine I died

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tomorrow. And I was wearing something really uncomfortable for this meeting. Wouldn't you be like,

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man, I can't believe it's like, what a shame. He didn't do what he wanted to do.

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So like as long as what you want to do is legal, right? And it's not hurting anybody. So to the point

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about patients, where I've been reinforced over and over again for being more and more patient,

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for figuring out things to do in the meantime, while my longer goals continue to compound.

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To the same degree, I have been reinforced for just doing me. And so maybe you need to take that

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first step of just to like maybe for just afraid to wear a hat or maybe you like like mustache

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and you don't want to have a mustache. The first big thing I had was I did wear it. I had a huge

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handlebar for five years. Yeah. And that's weird. It was super weird. I looked like a porn star.

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Like a 70s porn star. But like, I remember I was shaving one day and I came out of the bathroom.

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I looked at my wife and I was like, this is funny. And then the thing is it's like, it made my day

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bright. And so like every morning I'd wake up and be like, I can't take myself that serious.

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And I don't know. Maybe I am more insecure than most people. And so this is just my visual

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reminder to myself to not care. Hmm. I don't know. But I will say that doing me

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despite the fear of what other people will quote judge me for and then surviving,

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living another day with their judgment or without their judgment. That's really just like the more

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evidence that I have that I can continue to live like to the dad example that you have, right?

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In my situation, my dad would be like, you're not going out like that. Are you? And it's like, I

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had to in an early time just be like, I'm going to fucking do me. I don't want it like. And so my,

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I would say like my big breaking, right? As a human was when I was probably

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20, 21, 22. And that's when I quit my job. And I left, right? I left Baltimore. I left

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everything on it. And I think that was by far the most, that was the scariest thing I'd ever done

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in my, to this day has been the scariest thing I've ever done in my life was quitting my job.

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Because it wasn't just quitting my job. It was what quitting my job signified about everything

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else. It meant that everything that I had done at that point, I had been building this life

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that I didn't want to live. I was building a life that my dad wanted me to live to get his approval.

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And the thing is is when I, when my approval rating for my father was at its absolute highest,

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when it was when I was my absolute saddest as human being. And so when I left that job,

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I basically started from scratch and was like, what do I want to do? And I was like, well,

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I like fitness. I'm getting a, I'm going to, I don't know, I'm going to figure that out. And he's

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like, what are you going to be a personal trainer? You know what I mean? It's like you're a

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Vanderbilt grad. You've got, you need graduate in three years. You have this white collar job on

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a fast track to go into a top Ivy League business school. He's like, you're set. As I was about

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to culminate in like the ultimate setness by his standard. I quit everything and started a gym,

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which is like, as a personal trainer, like a blue collar, not a very high income thing.

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And so I think being willing to die to him then was what allowed me to live to me. And my father's

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approval was the person whose opinion I cared the most about in the whole world. And so once I was

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able to not care about his opinion, no one else's opinion really came even close. You know what I mean?

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Like I was raised by a single father who was Middle Eastern. Like I had no siblings. I barely had

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a mother. And so like, imagine your brother, your mother, your sister, your uncle, all of the people

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that you used to care about their opinion, all in one person. And that person's approval made or

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broke your day, month, week year. And like that was my life. And my dad, God bless him, would always

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move the flag for what achievement was. So if I east everything, he's like, you should have

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used it faster. Like if I got a 99, it wasn't like congrats on the A, the question is just what did

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you get wrong? It was always like that. Like to the point that like, it's not weird for me to say

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that it was just always like that. Like I was used to that. I didn't know that other people's parents

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didn't do that, right? And so whoever that person is that I think you care the most about their

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approval is I think the person that you need to be willing to get disapproval from, to do what you

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want to do. And to me, it felt like death. And the only way I was literally able to do this was

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because I didn't want to live anymore. And so I don't know how extreme of a circumstance,

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other people, and some people probably aren't as dissatisfied as I was. I was incredibly sad.

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I was 21, 22, right? I'm at this point. I have a consulting job. I have my own condo. I'm successful

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by all means, by all, you know, external means. And I'm going out my balcony every night,

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and just thinking to myself, like, is this it? And always thinking that night, like,

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if I didn't wake up tomorrow, like, I wouldn't be that upset. Like I wasn't like, I'm going to

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jump off this thing. But I was just like, if I didn't wake up, I'd be okay with it. And the more

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times I kept thinking that, I was like, dude, if you don't want to wake up, then fuck it. You don't

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mean like, if death is, if you, if right now, I basically felt like the walking dead. Like,

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if I feel like death, then whatever else is out there can't be worse than that. And so that was

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what I kept repeating to myself was like, sometimes you have to let his dreams die for yours to live.

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And they were mutually exclusive. Some people were like, you know what, they just want to

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what's best for you. Fuck them. I did not, like, he does the long term, but not for the first few

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years. Like, he was not stoked. Like, I was so afraid of my father that I literally drove across

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the country and called him when I was already halfway there to tell him that I left. So I didn't

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want him to convince me. He had a lot of influence on him. So I knew I had to change the environment.

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I had to change my conditions. And so like, if you were in one of those states where it's like,

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you feel paralyzed, it's usually because you have conditions that make it very difficult

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for you to lead the easiest way to change behaviors to change your environment. And so I went to

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California, I went from the, I went to the furthest place possible from Baltimore, Maryland. I went to

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Southern California. Like on a map, there's like, there's basically nothing that's further away

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from Baltimore. And I went there and I didn't know anybody. One guy on the internet said I could

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stop by his gym. So I drove straight to this guy's gym. And I was like, hey, I'm here. And he's like,

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oh, where are you staying? I was like, I don't know yet. And he's like, what do you mean? You don't

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know? I was like, oh, no, it's got here. And he was like, well, I got shit to do. I'm not like,

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I'm working. And I was like, okay. He's like, well, shit, he's like, you can stay at my place

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tonight, but you got to figure something. I was like, okay, thanks. So next day I went into the gym

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with him that morning and he just got on a chair and I was like, hey, I got this kid who here can

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give him a room. One guy came up to me. I was like, aren't you a room? We're running a room for

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$400 a night or $400 a month from this guy in China. That's how I went from this top secret

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clearance, defense contracting, three year mad cum laude, Vanderbilt, ace my GMAT, all that to

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sleeping in some guys. I'm actually still friends with some random guys room because I was just

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like, I need a reset. The game that I was trying to win wasn't a game that I had designed.

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It was my dad's game. I mean, so I was trying to win my dad's game. And I just realized

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I didn't want to play that. Hey, most of the nation quick break, just to let you know that we've

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been starting to post on LinkedIn and want to connect with you. All right, so send me a connection

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request and note letting me know that you listen to the show and I will accept it. There's

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anyone you think that we should be connected with, tag them in one of my or Layla's posts,

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and I will give you all the love in the world. All right, so let's get back to the show.

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What was that call like when you're driving across the country?

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What was that? What was that car ride like? The call like you called your guy after you're already

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on the way. Ah, I mean, he was pissed. What was he going to do? Is he still alive?

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My dad. Yeah, so what's your relationship with them like now? We're good. We're good. We're fine.

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I mean, you saw that it worked out. So he's good. Well, there's got to be more to it than that,

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man. I mean, this is a, this is obviously the most pivotal person in your life. And now you've

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gone from that. You quit. You left. You started a new and then boom, like, I can't even imagine

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what he's thinking like how proud is he now? Yeah, I'll tell you the two conversations that matter.

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Okay. So in the car ride, when I called him, he basically, I was like, hey, I'm going to go

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do this gym thing. And he was like, ah, come over. Like have a line for talk about it, which he

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knew was like, I'll talk you off the cliff. Like this is like a weekly cadence we had. I would say,

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I don't want to do this anymore. I want to start my own business and he'd be like, just let's fine.

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Just follow the path. Go to business school. Get a business degree. And then you can do business

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later. Like it's fine. And so that was just like the routine we were at. And I was like, I can't.

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And he was like, I mean, you can't. And I was like, I'm going to Ohio. What do you mean you're in Ohio

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in the tone change? And he was like, you're so unbalanced. You're so extreme. It's always all

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or nothing with you. This is ridiculous. You're throwing away your education. Why did we do

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all like all this stuff? And I was just like, I'm not coming back. And so that was kind of it.

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And then we didn't talk much, occasional texture in there, but like I'm alive. I still cared

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about me, but he was not. He didn't approve. Whatever you do, when you have somebody who you absolutely

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love, because I know my father loves me to death, but completely didn't approve of my life.

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So that level of communication, we didn't talk about anything because anything we talk about we

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didn't fight. Right. So very short conversations. So fast forward five years, right? Six years.

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I now have gym lunch and we're past the losing everything part, right? I'm taking home a million

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plus a month in income. And so I get a call from my dad and I haven't spoken much, right? And so

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I'm out to dinner with Layla and her parents in Michigan or in the summer. And so I'm like, I got

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to take this. This is weird. It doesn't really call me out of the blue. So I answer the phone.

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I step outside and I'm like, what's up? And he's like, you're going to want to sit down for this.

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And I was like, either he has cancer or he's apologized. That was it. Like literally,

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my thought was like, okay. And he was like, you ready? I was like, okay. He was like, I'm sorry.

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And I was like, huh? And I was like, for what? And he's like, for everything, for all you

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were right. This was a good path for you to take. He's like, but for the record, if it had been in

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my time, I would have been right. And I should have taken it for what it was because like in the

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culture that my father was brought up, like, fathers don't apologize to sons ever, which it doesn't

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happen. And this is the first time I'd had ever wanted. So I should have taken it for that,

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right? It's like a really strong attempt at a knowledge branch. But I didn't. And I just

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remember saying like, I stopped caring about what you thought five years ago in a pack of carnival.

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And I was like, so your apology doesn't really mean anything. I was like, I got over what you

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thought a long time ago. I was like, so I'm glad you're over it. And he was like, well, we'll see

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how long it lasts. So that was my kind of exchange for my dad at that point. And so obviously,

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we're fine now. We've we've made amends. But like, it had now been five or six years, right?

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And I had already gone through losing everything multiple times. And I had slept on the floor for

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that long period of time, right? I think there's a saying that says like, every man becomes a man

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when his father dies. And I think, I think your father has to die, obviously. But I think that your

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need for your father's approval has to die at some point. So either the person like your need for

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their approval dies or they physically die. And there's no way you can get it again. And so I

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think that is ultimately like unchains most people and then allows them to be their own man.

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And so I had been my own or become my own man when I was 21, 22. And after disappointing the man

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that I cared the most about my power life, comments on the internet, you know what I mean? Like,

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you can hear in the tournament like, like, like, Suzy Q who says that like, she doesn't want to buy

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a gym membership. But one of the reasons that Laila and I have worked out really well is that Laila

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expects nothing from it. And she's never asked me to change. I mean, her expectation is that I keep

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being me. Now me keep being me is I'm going to go for it. You know what I mean? But she's never

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tried to ask me to be less of who I am in order to be with her. And so she's always just been like,

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our relationship has been both of us wanting to go to this place, both walking in the same direction

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and being like, you want to walk together. And that's what's worked for us. I'm not saying that's

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everything. I think most people will find that to be honest with you because it's weird and it's

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not common. You've written that for anyone debating whether to marry a partner, these two lenses

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were useful. One, how have my stats changed since they entered my life, which would be wealth,

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health and time. That's for you. And two, would I go to war with them? I thought about that a lot

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with my own marriage without like, man, that's a really good point. And I think about a lot of the good

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things that have happened since Miranda's coming to my life, my wife. And like, that's a, I like that,

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man. And it sounds like this is something that you think about. What about your stats and going to

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warn why that's so important for the person that you choose to spend your life with? One, I like

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evidence that I have made a good decision. So that's where the stats come from.

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The war thing is more for projecting into future situations. So it's kind of like a past for

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prediction of future, right? I didn't think about it that way when I was writing it, but I agree with

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it. I'm glad I still agree with past self. The war thing is, I've got to want to go to war with

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this person, have them covering my six, right, shoulder to shoulder, etc. Back to back.

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Because where I want to go, not many people have gone. And it's going to be by its very nature

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difficult and fraught with hardship. And so if someone wants a puffy life that I could have,

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I could give someone, you know what I mean, then that's not going to be the person who's

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going to help me get to where I ultimately want to go. And the where I want to ultimately go

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isn't really a place to who I want to become. And the place I want to go is just

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my mountain to climb in order to get there. But it's really more about my lungs being able to

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breathe at the top of the mountain than it is me being at the top of the mountain itself.

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Do you think you think bigger than most people? No, I think that I've achieved things earlier. And

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so then I set my goals to the next thing is because I've achieved a decent amount from a

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material perspective, I've just moved the goal line. I think that's really always. I don't want to

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think I don't really think I think particularly bigger. It's just like if you're making 10 grand

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a month, then your next goal is 100. When you're making 10 million a month, your next goal is

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100 million a month. You know what I mean? Like it just I'm just moving zero. It's like everyone

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else said, but like I just checked the box off earlier. But outside of money and not just talking

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about that, I just like overall life. Like think like you the extension of that is that you said,

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they flow from what I want, which is growth and two is hard goals. I need someone who can handle

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both those things. So like hard goals are are probably big goals or big things that you want.

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I'm just wondering if that's kind of the way you view it is. I want something bigger. I want

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something harder. I want something more than what the average person wants. That's why I can't

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be partnered with the average person. So I would say that the goals again are. So instead of saying

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I think bigger about the goals, it's like I want to be bigger. Yeah. As a person as a human. And so

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if we define like how do you make how do you make someone patient? We put them through hard shit.

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Right. How do you make somebody's tough? You put them through hard times. So if I want to have

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these character traits, then I have to vanquish big dragons and big monsters along the way.

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The bigger the monster, the more epic the hero. And so it's like if you want to maximize the hero,

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then you got to go and slay big monsters. And so that's what I want. I want to maximize the hero

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in the story. I want to just I want to squeeze like my goals to squeeze every fucking drop of

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potential that I've got out of me. And so I have to face big bosses. And that also means using

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whatever path I have behind me to try and predict the path I have before me. So I cheap trying

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to do shit. So I can prove to myself that I can do more. Do you ever get tired from that though?

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Do you just want to chill out and relax and say, God, I've been going hard for a while. I just want

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to chill out, man. macro micro macro. No, micro sure. You know what I mean? Like how do you do that?

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How do you chill? How do you relax? I'm like a I'm a basic bitch when it comes to that stuff.

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Like I'll I'll pool day. You know what I mean? Like I'll pool and drink margaritas.

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How do you deserve and drink margaritas and look like that?

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Well, that's just counting your macros and know what you're doing. But the step one, pick the right

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parents. Step two, start printing when you're 14. Step three, go on tier T at age 30. I haven't

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done this as much because Layla doesn't like this much. But I'll binge I would love to just binge

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movies or or TV. But usually for me, it's about a half day. Yeah. So it's like I can work six

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and a half out of seven. And but and that's usually what it ends up being six and a half out of seven.

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I can work. You work six and a half out of seven days. So you're just I can work six and a half

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out of seven. Yeah. Yeah. Do you get to the point where say man, I made a lot. I'm playing

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private. I'm doing whatever I need to do. Maybe I can work four and a half instead of seven.

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Enjoy more of this or as the work part of the what you enjoy. You got it. Okay. What would I do?

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I just want to like I want to do it. But shit. And so doing what you want to do and like in your

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free time, you're doing what you want to do. Yeah. And that's the so I get everyone's while I work

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Twitter or lifestyle Twitter or whatever will come out and get get really aggro about something

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and I say about work. But it's just because they're definition of work and my definition of

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work are different. Like I define work is what I do it. You know what I mean? And like it just

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so happens to make money. But I enjoy the game. And so I just want to play the game as much as

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humanly possible because it is reinforced me for playing it. So I play as much of it as I possibly

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can until my work pre-unit of time drops and then I hardcore relax. But for people who make

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sacrifices with their work, which I absolutely respect, if you don't like the job that you're in,

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but you need to because you've got people who are dependent on you. I think there's honor in that.

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And I think in some ways like you can actually reframe your work again because of big on

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perspectives. Like you can reframe the work into something you do enjoy. It's like I enjoy

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providing for my family. Like this is what higher cause is there. But I don't need a break from the

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game unless I physically need a break from the game. And then I take one. When you think about all

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the people in your life that you've surrounded yourself with that you've been intentional to bring

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into your orbit that you've attracted to your orbit, which are a lot of people who have made it happen.

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These are a lot of people who have sustained excellence over an extended period of time.

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What have you found to be some of the commonalities among those people?

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They don't try and change me. And they want to grow. That's about it. That's really,

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that's about it. Yeah. They got to want to grow. Like there's nothing that drives me more crazy.

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Well, one is if someone tries to change me either. It's not oil and vinegar. It's not going to work.

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What about people in your life who say you have people in your life who say Alex is a bad idea.

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No, don't do this. Or hey, maybe this way, like the kitchen cabinet, so to speak, to say,

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hey, man, like do you have those no people to okay? Well, there's difference between like

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criticizing an idea or criticizing a way of living. So if someone's going to attack values,

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and that's like, I feel very strong about my values, but my ideas, you know, loosely help.

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You know, I mean, this is my best sure. Like when we introduced an idea to the group,

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it's always like, this is my best bad idea. You know, I'll say, love my idea for five seconds.

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And then I'll say, and then it's like, oh, you can, you can tear it apart, right?

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But the growth thing, I'd love to, you know, grow my business. I'm like, cool, man.

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Like, what's the issue that I see me year later? And I'm like, how'd that go? Oh, you know,

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lost busy, man. Lost us me coming up. I'm like, yeah, sure has. And they're like, I've been

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meaning to pick your brand. I'm like, I don't think so. I think I already said everything. I

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thought last night. I had that. I haven't multiple times. They're like, I'd love to pick your,

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but I was like, you already did. And I already gave you what I thought and you haven't done it.

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So I was like, there's really no point in repeating the same stables. Do that. What are your values?

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Giving first, thinking long, having work itself be noble, trying to motivate up a reward

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not punishment. I think truth in general, you know, all to various forms. But if I were to

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tell you the, the company's loans, it's competitive greatness and seer candor and unimpeachable

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character, which we haven't brought up acquisition.com. I know we got to run a second, but

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briefly, why start acquisition.com? Why was at the next step? And what exactly does acquisition.com

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do? Yeah. Layla and I from the exit and we'd take it out 40 million out before the exit. We had

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enough money to start a family office. And so acquisition.com exists as our family office for

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investments. And while we still had some of the companies before our bigger exit, we had made two or

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three investments that worked out really well. And so we said, you know what? I think I want to do

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this. I think that's what I want to do. I want to go buy, buy businesses, buy chains, buy

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brick and mortar stuff, buy normal consumer businesses or business services businesses,

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it's just normal businesses and do what we do. And so we look for founders who are sincerely

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candorous. They tell the truth and can take the truth. They have unimpeachable character. We're

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proud to associate with them on and off the field. And they're competitively great. They want to go

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out for the big hill. They're not afraid of a hard challenge. They revel in the hard challenge. They're

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eager to attack. I think that's what we're looking for. And so if we see founders who are doing

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for us, the minimum is a million in EBITDA. The largest company we have is 20 million in EBITDA.

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So that's kind of the range. I think the median is probably four or five. EBITDA being profit

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training was, it was newer, profit for profit. So we invest in those businesses. Sometimes as a

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minority growth partner, sometimes as a majority, just depends on the situation. And then our goal

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is to just hold and grow. But if the founder really wants to have a big exit, then we can optimize

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for that. But for us, I'd rather just continue to grow tax-free and grow the equity value,

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but they had a price value in the business. I don't need a equity event. But if they want one,

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then we can go up to my shop.