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What's interesting is that a lot of people will root for you until you do better than them

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and they stop rooting for you. And it was just because they didn't actually want to see me win.

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Welcome to the game where we talk about how to get more customers, how to make more

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customer and how to keep them longer, and the many failures and lessons we have learned along

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the way. I hope you enjoy and subscribe. A lot of people have heard the term your network

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is your net worth. And to a degree, that's true. To the other degree, it's the average of the five

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people you spend the most time with. Well, it's not true for Bill Gates and for Jeff Bezos,

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because the people that they spend time with are less than their net worth, which should mean

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that their note would be less than that. And so, you know, there are statements that are thrown

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around frequently that don't have necessarily a lot of evidence, but, you know, our, I would say,

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spiritually correct. And so what I want to talk about today, and for those you don't know me,

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my name's Oxamose, I own acquisition.com. It's portfolio of companies is over $100 million a year.

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That being said, in the last year, I would say that I fell out of touch with the last two

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friends that I had from high school and to our college. And this has been a process that's happened,

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you know, gradually over time. And I was having a conversation with Dean Graziosi, who has become a

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very, very close friend of mine, he and his wife, Lisa and Layla and I have become, you know, close

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couple friends. And I brought the topic up with him and I thought the discussion would be worth

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sharing. And so one of the things that he told me early on in our relationship, which really,

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really gave me a lot of pause, was the cost of his dreams. And so I asked him earlier on,

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and it was about 18 months ago before Layla and I decided to build kind of our personal brands,

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et cetera, about, you know, the cost of fame, right? And he said, yeah, you know, I've got

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people who show up at my house and people who leave weird mean comments and it's like all the time,

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you know, and the thing is, is that that is a price of willing to pay to make the impact that I

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want to make with my life. And he said that it just, it really struck me because to me, it was in a

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lot of ways, you know, selfish to kind of not spread the message out of fear of what it would cost

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me. That being said, there's obviously pros that, you know, we've made whatever decision that they

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outweigh the cons. But it was just an interesting perspective in terms of just, it is a price that he

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was willing to pay. And so I want to leave this discussion in towards the friend conversation that

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I had with him. And he had said that he recently had lost one of his last friends, the last friend

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that he had had from kind of his childhood. And I think that there's a lot of people who are like,

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you know, never forget where you come from and the people who supported you, et cetera. And I think

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that's true. But I think for the master's majority of us, a lot of people don't support us on our way

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up. At least it felt that way for me. And what's interesting is that a lot of people will root for you

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until you do better than them and they stop rooting for you. And I'm not saying that the people that

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I'm talking about were like that, but it's just that was like the first wave of friends that I lost,

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right? And it was just because they didn't actually want to see me win. And I had a quote the other

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day that went pretty viral on Twitter, which was real friends talk shit to your face and praise you

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behind your back and fake friends to the opposite. And when I say talk shit, I mean like bullshitting.

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You know, I mean like give each other, you know, give each other flak, right? If I'm giving someone

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flak, they know that we're homies. Like, you know, Dr. Cashy, I was thinking about patenting the

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Hormosi advertising cycle. So I spent so long developing the cycle, which is going to be in one of

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the books that comes up, you know, in the future. And his comment was get over yourself. And that's

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exactly what I want from a friend, right? I want somebody who's going to say that, rather than be like,

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oh, that's cool. And then be like, I can't believe this guy, right? And so we have these people that

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we collect, you know, throughout our lives. And sometimes they come in, you know, you've probably

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heard the saying, they're here for a season or reason or a lifetime. And I think, you know, for me,

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a lot of people have been seasonal. And so I wanted to share that because I know that I'm sure some

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of you have had a similar path to me and that I didn't have a tremendous amount of support from

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my parents. I think they now retroactively think they supported me because it's much easier that way.

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But I did not, I did not have any support from my parents for the decisions that I took until

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it was already beyond obvious that I was going to be successful. And that took years. And that was

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very hard for me at the time. And I think friends fell in that same category. And so when I was having

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this discussion with Dean, we dove into this a little bit more. But as we, you know, ascend towards

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our goals, and I don't say ascend in a literal sense in terms of like socioeconomic status or whatever,

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but just like we move closer towards where we want to go and our vision and our mission and our

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lives become clear, it also becomes clear when you have contrast with people from your past. And

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I have a several rules of thumb that are, I begin to develop around these relationships. One of

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them is if I can only talk about the past with someone, they usually aren't good friends of mine

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because I don't really live in the past. I live in the future. I live in where I want to go,

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what I want to do, the things that I find interesting were the present of the things that I find

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interesting today or right now, top of mind. And if I can't talk about those things with somebody,

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then our friendship kind of bites very nature will decline over time because there's no growth,

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right, because it's only in the past. And I have felt a tremendous amount of guilt around the loss

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of those relationships, but I also felt a guilt of carrying them on as in I felt like I needed to

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water these plants out of necessity rather than out of, you know, some sort of exchange.

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Now, some people might decry that or speak against the idea of having an exchange, but I don't

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think that's realistic. I think that people stay in relationships because there is an exchange

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of value that occurs. Now, I think the difference is the strength or depth of the relationship is

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how long you are willing to wait for the exchange to occur. So a parent, for example, is willing to

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wait a very long time for a positive exchange from a child coming back to them, right? Now,

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some people can make the argument that children are a gift throughout that entire period of time,

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and that's awesome, and that's a perspective, whatever. But just to use the time frame as a nice

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thinking process, if you just met someone, if you don't feel like there's a huge benefit to knowing

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them, you know, within the immediate future, you probably don't really pursue them out, right?

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And the longer you have had positive exchanges, the longer you are willing to wait for the next one,

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right? It's intermittent reinforcement from a behavior standpoint, right? Like, we are literally

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reinforced in this relationship, and the way that addiction works is the same thing, right? Like,

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you immediately get positive hits, and then you can start extending how long before you get another

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positive hit, which is also how abusive relationships work, right? Like abuse, abuse positive,

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abuse positive positive positive, and then like abuse and then positive is a little bit later,

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and then a little bit later until the point where there's almost no positive whatsoever.

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I'm not saying that's how you should run relationships, but more so, how we work as humans.

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Hey guys, love that you're listening to the podcast. If you ever want to have the video version

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of this, which usually has more facts, more visuals, more graphs, you know, drawn out stuff,

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sometimes it can help hit the brain centers in different ways. You can check out my YouTube

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channel. It's absolutely free to check that out if that's what you are into. And if not,

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keep enjoying the show. And so the point of me breaking this down is that I have lost a lot of

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the friends, or almost all of the friends that I had when I started my journey. And the upside is

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people will come into your life to fill the vacuum that the other people left. But sometimes it

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doesn't happen immediately. And I think getting comfortable with having space is a good thing.

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And a lot of people have the impulse or urge to always have people around them. And I think it's

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to their own detriment, because I think if you can spend time alone with your thoughts and be okay

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with just being you without other people, then you are more selective and it's the same way with

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dating. Some people can't be alone. Some people can't be without a significant other. And so they

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just end up checking up with the first person they see after they become single again. Right? And it's

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because they have a fear of being alone more than they have an aligned mission with someone that

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they think that this person is really the best pick. Right? And so a lot of ways are similar to

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dating with friends in that we can hold out and really just pick the best people. And I think that

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if we, at least for me, if I have two or three good friends, I'm more than satisfied. My cup is

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very full. But I think what I feel drained is more I feel like I have lots and lots and lots of

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acquaintances that are transactional in nature, but purely transactional. Or at least they have

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a much shorter time horizon for the transactions to occur. And so if you have lost friends during

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the process of the climb, I don't think it is something that you should lament or be upset about.

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I think that it is a sign of growth because a lot of people say, hey, you've changed. And the only

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natural response that I can have to that is you have it. And I think that that's kind of sums up

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the entirety of this of this video, which is if you grow, you change. Some people, most people

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don't like change, especially if they themselves have not grown or changed and or if they have grown

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in a different direction from you. And it is natural for us to not want to continue relationships

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with people that have grown or have values that are too far in contrast to our own. And those values

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can change over time. And that's okay. And so I think that for me, it took me a really long time

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to navigate through this. And it was kind of an emotionally explorative experience to just say,

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that's okay. And is this price something that I'm willing to pay? And for me, it's a resounding yes.

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I would be far more sad that I had not realized my potential or what I hope to accomplish in my

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life, in exchange for relationships that I sacrificed my dreams in order to maintain. Now,

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that being said, it almost appears as though I'm sacrificing our relationships in order to have

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the dream. And that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that you will sacrifice old relationships

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and you will create room for new ones. And so I think that there's this, I don't know, old

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lifestyle or a societal expectation that if someone sheds friends for lack of better term or loses

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friends or friends, you know, dissipate into the distance over time, that they are a non-constant

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person. And I think that the answer to that question is yes, we grow. And unless the friends you have

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are growing with you and are pushing you to grow, then they are probably not friends who will stay

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with you for the long haul. And so for me, I'll leave with this kind of last thing that I think about

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for the people that I want to be friends with. I want friends who root for me behind my back.

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And that is rare. Most people do not root for you behind your back. It is sad that there are more

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strangers on the internet who root for me, right? Then people who knew me from back home. And it's

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because we had a shared context at home and the discrepancy between where you are and where they are

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over time, they personalize the fact that they are not with you because they had the same resources

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at the same beginning. And so you're in a different place as a result of your own decisions. And so

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as a result, they feel bad. And they don't like that. And you're a reminder of that.

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And so what I seek from the friends that I have are one that they genuinely are rooting for me.

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And that is evidenced by them rooting for me behind my back. I also hope that they talk shit to

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my face because that is what makes life worth living for me. But I hope to admire them.

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I want to strive to be more like my friends in certain ways. And I hope that they raise the bar

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for me to be better and be better in the ways that I want to be better. And so in that way,

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picking friends who are people who are further ahead of you in doesn't have to be financially.

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It can be it can be in marriage. It can be physically. It can be whatever. And then the hope is that

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you are better in some ways than they are. And then they can grow from you in that way. And in that

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way, you both get better. And then you have an extended exchange that continues directionally

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towards both of your goals. And so my definitions and my view on friendship has changed over time.

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It probably will continue to develop and refine. But I meet this because I have a lot of people

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who message me and are like, hey, I feel really alone right now. I don't feel like a lot of people

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are supporting me. And I make this figure say, that's okay. And I think that there are seasons. And

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at the end of a season, when you have a vacuum, someone does step into Philip. And I can promise you

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that if you have a higher standard and you wait and you don't just give up yourself for no reason,

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just because you are afraid to be alone or be without friends, you will end up with better friends

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who actually root for you and are not just place fillers or false friends who, you know,

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smiles your face but stab you behind your back or actually talk down on you. And so I think if you

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can have that bar and you can have that tolerance, you can give yourself that space and that permission

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to say, I lost a friend. And that's okay. And I still love them as a human. Even if I can't give

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the time that I once did because it doesn't make sense for me anymore because we've grown apart.

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And that's okay. And so I have given myself that permission to say, these are the prices that

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I'm willing to pay to grow into the person that I want to be. And that's okay. And so,

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most of the nation, I love you all. The road can be, can be arduous, but I think the road itself

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is the reason we do it because of the person that we hope to become than the process of becoming,

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which is the successes I have to find it is the process of becoming and the process of striving

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is the success. And so anyways, my friends, keeping awesome. I love you all. I'll see you guys next

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video. Bye.