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It is who you marry and

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The reason that I think this is one of the most important decisions you make in your life

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Welcome to the game where we talk about how to get more customers how to make more

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Per customer and how to keep them longer in the many failures and lessons we have learned along the way. I hope you enjoy and subscribe

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The single most important decision that you have in increasing your net worth you guys know what it is

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It is not the business that you start. It is not

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The industry even that you are in that's important. It is not the market you serve

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It is not your pricing. It is not your legion strategy. It is one thing. It is who you marry and

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The reason that I think this is one of the most important decisions you make in your life is because that person will either be constantly

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Grading at you or that person will be supporting you and I think the vast majority of marriages either fall in the grading category or the neutral category and

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And so the number one question that I get related to this is

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How do I get my wife and this is more for the fellas, but for ladies just reverse the genders

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How do I get my wife to be like Laila? How do I get her to like business?

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And the simple answer is you don't because you don't change who you marry

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Right, you're not they're not going to change right and so what I wanted to do is kind of explain to you

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How this came to be for us and I think that we have a lot of counterintuitive or cruncharian views on marriage and love and I

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Think that we have a very very good marriage

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And it has worked really well and so I'll share some of the things that have been different for us than most people

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So when I met Laila

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We actually went on a date and it was a 15 minute date because I'd try to get her to do a fro yoke

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I said it was low commitment and if either of us was weird we could dip out really quickly and so she agreed

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And so we went to fro yoke and

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And you know within a little bit we hit it off but not in the way that you would normally expect like there was not any

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There's really no romantic

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Anything there was no chemistry. I wasn't like man. I think this girl's amazing. I was just like

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Very interested in her and I thought she was smart and I thought she liked the same stuff as me

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So I was like this is cool like she's interesting

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um and so

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We ended up walking and talking for like four hours, but we didn't have any like romantic chemistry at all

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and even like on our second or third date Laila was like

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I don't really get any vibes from you like romantically at all. I was like

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okay cool um

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But over time obviously uh we worked on that but in that first couple dates

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uh

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She was in fitness and she was like one of the top salesmen at 24 hour fitness at the time and I had a

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And I and I was in fitness too and I had a you know a few gyms at the time

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And so I said gosh you got to stop working for them you should work for me because I knew if someone could sell

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I knew we could make a lot of money together

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And so I pitched her on the idea of quitting her job and coming to work for me

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Which of course she said no because she had just met me from the internet um but

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But anyways, uh, I did end up saying hey, I'm gonna do this thing called gym lunch and she was like okay

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I don't care

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I just met you and I was like

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It's gonna be it's gonna be something and so I went and I flew and did the first three gym launches

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This is when we used to fly out and I did like gym turnarounds and we did I did three of those and I came back

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She picked from the airport we talked on the phone every night

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um

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And uh she was and I had not taken her on a date up to this point

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So now it's been like two or three months at this point that we'd been quote dating

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I had actually taken her out anywhere

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It was always like hey if you just want to like hang out with me

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I'm gonna be working all day and it was that was kind of like we spent every day together

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but

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It was just like I just enjoyed being around each other and so

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Anywho we uh, we did this right uh, we I came back she picks me up the airport and she was like you better take me on a date

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And I was like okay, okay one thing first, right? Uh, you got to help me process these contracts and she was like ah fine

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And so uh, we went I poured us both a drink and I told her how to process the contracts and then within an hour

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We had processed a hundred thousand dollars in sales and she looked at me and she was like

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What do you do again? And I was like ah, and I understood

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And um and she was like is it legal? I was like yeah, it's legal

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That she was like okay, I'm in and so she at that point she actually

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left her her roster of personal training clients

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And joined me um in launching the gyms and so we very much started our relationship in business together

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And then learned the love and romance side. I think the business side. I think she said this too

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It became natural to both of us. We we naturally worked well together and I think there's no

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coincidence that

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My business is exploded once I met Layla because she really was the yin to my yang when it came to everything that we had to do

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And this is important for anybody who has a partner in business the the thing that got us from

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Four or five hundred thousand dollars a month to making millions a month was understanding the division of roles

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And so I you know, she was really naturally good at sales

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And so as I and so we were both kind of like just you know tag teaming

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And that was cool in the beginning because everyone was kind of doing everything

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But at some point we needed to divide our responsibilities

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And so we went to a mentor

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We drew everything on the board of it. We needed to do

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And

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There's this huge thing of just tasks and activities that we're doing every single day every single week

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And so you take this big marker and you drew the a lot

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You know big circle around like 80% of it and he was like all right all this goes to Layla

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And the stuff that was just marketing sales and product he was like this is Alex's and I was like oh this is a great deal

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Right and the thing is is that Layla being as growth oriented as she is

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Basically, I remember because you kept telling yourself she was like

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I'm not going to be the reason this business fails

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And so she just learned all of this stuff right and um, I mean

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I think that's one of the big reasons that that we were able to massively explode after that because we had an amazing operator

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Who could basically fulfill on the promises and and and handle the the flow that I could generate and so

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We started to working together and then it became kind of weird because you know

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Business was growing really quickly and some of the employees were like so you guys are just like dating

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We're like yeah, and they're like they start to get worried because like what if you guys break up

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You know, and we're like oh we broke up. We'd still do the business together

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Um, but it got to a point where I was like

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You know, this is this is getting to we need to make a decision about this relationship and so

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I actually came to Layla and I had a true proposition all right like a proposal in the in the truest sense of the word

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And so I said

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What do you what would you say

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um

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If we got married

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I was like I think it makes a lot of sense and choose like I mean

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I would say yes, and I was like all right. I was like well, here's my reasoning and so I

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Broke down the reasoning. I was like both young. I was like we're both have Persian backgrounds

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We're both so we have the same cultural things like we get that that side of ourselves

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We both like fitness you like business. We work together. All right. I was like I feel like this kept this makes sense

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Like we should do this and so she agreed and so we went we got in the car

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And we went and I was like I guess we got to get you a ring

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And so we got in the car got her a ring came back 45 minutes later

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It was like well shoot. I guess we got to get a church thing organized

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And so we called up a pastor and I was like you free Wednesday night and he was like yeah, I was thinking it was like a Sunday

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Um, and he was like are you sure like this is fast and we're like yeah, we're sure

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So we went to the back of the church and got married that Wednesday night

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We were engaged for like less than a week and um, that was it. We actually told our parents after

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We got married so no one knew uh, we just we got married and then told everyone afterwards and um

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It was it was pretty cool and it's been interesting though because our

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The business always came easy and the romance and the relationship was the part that we had to work at

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The love side of the relationship because we just we meshed so naturally on the business side and so I say this to say

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For everyone who continues to ask the question. How do I make my wife like Layla?

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I think that you're not going to do that um, I think Layla is Layla right and I think that your wife is your wife or your partner is your partner

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Right, and so you have to figure out what that yin and yang relationship is going to be and if that person is not in the business

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Um, it is Layla and I is both of our beliefs that there are really only two roles that that person can play in your life

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They can either be and I got this from Gary Vee, but I 100% agree with it

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um

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You they can either be a cheerleader or they can be a fullback all right

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So the cheerleader is the person who's on the sideline who's cheering you on to win the game right because at the end of the day

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The cheerleader who actually wants the team to win would never ask the quarterback to come

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Out of the game when the game is on the line

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All right, and you know the difference because if when the game is on the line that cheerleaders ask you to throw in the towel

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Ask you to to hang your locker, you know, put stuff up in the locker room and leave the game with that part with them

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Then that's not a cheerleader. That's neither right and that's my point is that if they're not doing one of these two things

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They are detracting from what you ultimately want to do and there's nothing wrong with a spouse who's not in the business

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That's totally fine and it's a decision and that's okay, right, but you still need to be supportive

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Hey guys love that you're listening to the podcast if you ever want to have the video version of this which usually has more effects more

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Visuals more graphs, you know drawn out stuff

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Sometimes it can help hit the brain centers in different ways you can check my youtube channel

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It's absolutely free to check that out if that's what you are into and if not keep enjoying the show

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All right, so the question are you going to be supportive in that you are covering the other aspects of your life together

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And the role that that cheerleader plays is that when you are not at work

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It helps you detach from works you gain distance gain perspective

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Can realize that there are other things that are important in life which ultimately will actually make you better business person

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Because if business is the only thing you have right then all of your chips are always on it

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Which makes you more emotional and erratic and makes you make worse decisions

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So if you realize it gives you context and perspective

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Which is why whenever you have a death of someone who's close to you the gift of that death is the perspective that it gives us right

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And so that is the role that that cheerleader has is they give you perspective and context to the importance or relative importance of business in your life

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Right, but they are supportive because they understand that it is for the team right

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The other role is the role is the dynamic that Layla and I have which is the fullback

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Roll which is that one person is block blocking while the other person carries the ball down the down the field and we're rotating right

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One person blocks the other person carries one person blocks one person carries and that has been the role

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That we have had is that we're both on the field together and so each of those has different

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Different pros and cons right

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And we were we were big believers or big followers of Esther Perrell who's a who's a relationship expert

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And I think this was such a I'm going to share this with you because I think it's so valuable

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As Americans or many of us in the Western world we want to solve problems

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When in reality many times there are dichotomies that must be managed but cannot be solved

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I'll give you a business example

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How do you solve micromanaging versus

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You know abdication or delegation right how do you how do you solve that you don't solve it

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It is a dichotomy that must be managed and relationships as we see them have the same dichotomy between

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closeness and familiarity and distance and intrigue all right and so

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What happens is in the beginning of most relationships because you are so distant and you have some similarities

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If you take some steps towards closeness

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The relationship improves right you get to know the person better you start to trust the more and you're like this is awesome

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But what happens is that if you continue down that path you become brother and sister and you just become roommates

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Because you live together. You're so familiar. There's no variety and there's no mystery. There's no intrigue right and

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Rebleive me as Laila and I we work together we live together in the same house

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We work out at the same jet like we spend all of our time

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So what we have to do is we actively create space

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And so I think what's important is to figure out where you are on this dichotomy and figure out what action or where you need to

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Lean towards in your tendencies in the relationship to find the middle ground and obviously it's going to sway

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It's like a pendulum, but you try and keep it in the middle and so for us like I said because we're in business together

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We actually have to actively create space

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So we have different offices there are opposite sides of the house we try and not

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Be on the same meetings and things like that because at the end of the day if I want to say hey

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Which you do today actually don't answer I was on every meeting with you

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There's no space everything is familiar and familiarity though comforting is not attractive

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Right

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And so which is why you know

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Like it's like joke the joke is like it's like a brother or sister right like you live together, but like it's like

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Right because you're so familiar, right? You know everything about that person now the flip side is

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A complete stranger there's all the mystery, but there's no trust right and so to have the long-term relationship

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It is our belief that you have to manage both of those things and so the flip side is a lot of people get married

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Right and one person works and one person doesn't work and that's okay

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But what happens is they start to grow apart and because they're not sharing the same reality

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They go further further apart until the person feels like a stranger to them right and you've probably heard that for people

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Right

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And so if you're in one of those relationships then the goal should always be how can we share our experience?

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How can you create a shared reality?

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How can we grow together and make sure we are growing in the same direction because the entrepreneurial stimulus that you're going to get from

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Business is going to change you it is going to force you to adapt and by extension grow and the

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stimulus that your partner is going through is going to force them to adapt and grow and the goal is

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How can we align that growth so it's in the same direction so that we look at each other 15 years or now?

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We don't think who did I marry right and the person you might have changed and so might have they

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But I think that in order to maintain the relationship it's maintaining the the middle ground of that dichotomy

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and so for us

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Our process around this is is we always create space to be missed

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And I think that some of you who have maybe had a spouse or someone who you spend a lot of time with

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If you actually go travel somewhere and then come back

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It's almost like your relationship in my opinion. I feel like my experience has been it's been better

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And so it's like you're like miss the person and I think that we need to create more space to be missed

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Especially if you work with your spouse and so for us the relationship has been very much a love logically format

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We both share the belief that you can create love through actions

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And so we did not have the romantic love we learned it we actually I you know, I would not say that I was in love with Laila when we got married

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Real talk I was not in love with Laila when we got married. I loved her as a person

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And I thought that the decision made sense, but we were not in love and it took us

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I would say it took us until

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I'd say it took us until 2020

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December of 2019 we kind of came to a head and we both said that we didn't want to keep living our lives this way

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So we had you know, we were just making I mean a lot of money

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And we still do but like

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The our lives are very different now right and it was all because the the money that we made for both of us was out of scarcity and lack

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Right, we were so fear driven that we were going to lose the thing that we made

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And so just so you know as you're as you're building your business in the beginning you fear being poor

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As you kind of transition in the middle you fear losing the status that the the money has gotten you right and so the fears change over time

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But anyways, we got into this point and I think we had made

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$30 million in profit in the last 24 months

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and

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We both were like I don't want to keep living this way

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And so that was when we decided going into 2020 that we were going to like prioritize our marriage

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And so what's interesting is that in 2020 despite the fact that our businesses got hit because of

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COVID-19 and we have a lot of

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brick-and-mortar based businesses

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Our marriage probably like tripled that year in terms of how much better it is now etc

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And it was because we actively spent a lot of time

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Making sure that there was no space between us from a from a

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Not in the way that I met earlier, but

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That there were not things between us. I think she uses the the couch metaphor that like whatever sits between you and the couch that we can

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Gotta make sure there's nothing there and so I think that there were some things that I you know

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I had held on to that I had resented and I think there were some things that she had done to or whatever

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I mean minor stuff, but stuff that grows and I think even the fact that we were unhappy

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Um in working and making as much money as we were was growing was grading at both of us because we we both saw each other working so hard

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We were like well, I don't want to be the one who's not working hard and so

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We both felt like we'd be letting the other person down and I so I think we were even saying hey

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I'm not really happy with how life is going

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For us was actually really valuable because then it was like oh you feel that way too

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I feel that way and then all of a sudden it was like

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This whole thing diffused and it was this big fear that we had that if we voiced

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That we weren't happy with how something was going the other person would be like why I'm happy right and um

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That wasn't the case at all and so by even just admitting that we had a shared reality

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It allowed us to move forward with a with a a perspective of like truth and integrity first and so

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It's not integrity in terms of line, but truth and radical candor about about where we were out emotionally in the moment

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We've we really tried to keep that and it's been it's served us very well and so

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If you have a spouse who's in your business

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I think figuring out whether the person is a cheerleader or a fullback is an important step right and then

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adjusting whether you're trying to get closer or trying to get farther away from that person

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In create space if you need it or create closeness if you need it to manage that dichotomy

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is important and then finally

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Understanding that at least for us

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Love was something that we were able to create rather than something that we got head to marry for and so we married for logic

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We married for business reasons and I

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Honestly, it was one of the best decisions if not the best decision business wise that I've ever made my entire life and so

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If you are in that situation then those are just a handful of perspectives. I'll share more

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As more come to me

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But I thought that it would be valuable since a lot of people continue to ask me about what is the working dynamic like between loyal and I

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And hopefully this video does a little bit to put some context to it

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So mousy nation. I love you. I'm Alex from mousy owned acquisition.com. We do 85 million dollars a year

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Like I said, I'm not gonna sell you if you enjoyed this hit the subscribe button and I will see you guys the next video. Keep being awesome

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You