WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.600
If you're spending all this time working on the person and the character that you're

2
00:00:03.600 --> 00:00:08.080
trying to build, and then you just dilute it with crap around you, it's very tough to

3
00:00:08.080 --> 00:00:11.840
get back to that, which is why you feel like you have to take one or two weeks to shed

4
00:00:11.840 --> 00:00:18.760
the bad behaviors and the bad habits that you picked right back up when you went back home.

5
00:00:18.760 --> 00:00:21.080
The wealthiest people in the world see business as a game.

6
00:00:21.080 --> 00:00:24.240
This podcast, the game, is my attempt at documenting the lessons I've learned on my way to

7
00:00:24.240 --> 00:00:27.080
building acquisition.com into a billion dollar portfolio.

8
00:00:27.080 --> 00:00:29.920
My hope is that you use the lessons to grow your business and maybe someday soon partner

9
00:00:29.920 --> 00:00:31.560
with us to get to a hundred million dollars and beyond.

10
00:00:31.560 --> 00:00:32.960
I hope you share and enjoy.

11
00:00:32.960 --> 00:00:43.440
I don't go home for the holidays and that surprises a lot of people and I don't do it because

12
00:00:43.440 --> 00:00:48.720
I don't like what going back home does for me and that's not just family.

13
00:00:48.720 --> 00:00:53.840
That's friends, environments, places I go to, people I speak with, anything.

14
00:00:53.880 --> 00:00:57.920
For me, I left home because I wanted to be a different person.

15
00:00:57.920 --> 00:01:01.960
I wanted to change my environment and I wanted to start clean and move in the direction

16
00:01:01.960 --> 00:01:03.360
of the person that I wanted to be.

17
00:01:03.360 --> 00:01:07.320
I think the main reason that I want to make this is because there's probably a younger

18
00:01:07.320 --> 00:01:12.240
version of me out there that is terrified of the idea of not listening to their parents

19
00:01:12.240 --> 00:01:13.800
and going home for the holidays.

20
00:01:13.800 --> 00:01:17.680
Listen, if you love your family and it's like the highlight of the year, then fucking

21
00:01:17.680 --> 00:01:18.680
go.

22
00:01:18.680 --> 00:01:22.640
If I'm talking to young Mozy, the biggest fear that I had was what people would think

23
00:01:22.640 --> 00:01:23.640
about me.

24
00:01:23.640 --> 00:01:27.560
If I didn't go out with them when I was back home because it's like, well, I'm back

25
00:01:27.560 --> 00:01:28.560
home for a week.

26
00:01:28.560 --> 00:01:30.920
They're like, yo, your back home, let's whatever.

27
00:01:30.920 --> 00:01:34.840
I would feel obligated because I'm back home and I'm only back home a couple of times

28
00:01:34.840 --> 00:01:36.080
a year.

29
00:01:36.080 --> 00:01:40.200
But the reason that I haven't been in touch with that person when I'm not back home is

30
00:01:40.200 --> 00:01:45.920
because they try and meet me in my past and treat me in a way that I used to accept

31
00:01:45.920 --> 00:01:47.360
them treating me.

32
00:01:47.360 --> 00:01:51.760
As I've grown, in their word, changed, I no longer accept the type of behavior and it's

33
00:01:51.760 --> 00:01:54.240
not just the things they say, it's how they say it.

34
00:01:54.240 --> 00:01:57.640
And a lot of times like, it's not super direct, a lot of times it's indirect, especially

35
00:01:57.640 --> 00:01:58.800
if it's people who like you.

36
00:01:58.800 --> 00:02:00.120
This is why it's so tough.

37
00:02:00.120 --> 00:02:03.520
When you have a cousin or an uncle who says, oh, you know how you are.

38
00:02:03.520 --> 00:02:05.920
And they say like that because they want you to be like, oh, yeah, I know how I am.

39
00:02:05.920 --> 00:02:08.960
But the thing is is that when you do that, you basically agree.

40
00:02:08.960 --> 00:02:12.200
You accept their label of who you are, which is often the person that used to be that

41
00:02:12.200 --> 00:02:14.760
you literally left there to try and change.

42
00:02:14.760 --> 00:02:19.080
This was super tough for me because you know, I've lots of traditions and hey, come on,

43
00:02:19.080 --> 00:02:22.320
like on whatever is going to make pumpkin pie again.

44
00:02:22.320 --> 00:02:26.040
Oh, you know, so, so is bringing her meatloaf or whatever it is.

45
00:02:26.040 --> 00:02:27.120
And so you can't miss it.

46
00:02:27.120 --> 00:02:29.480
But the thing is is you absolutely fucking can't.

47
00:02:29.480 --> 00:02:31.320
You can absolutely miss it.

48
00:02:31.320 --> 00:02:34.720
I made a video about this four, five years ago and it was one of my top videos that I

49
00:02:34.720 --> 00:02:35.720
made.

50
00:02:35.720 --> 00:02:36.720
And I thought it was worth a refresh.

51
00:02:36.720 --> 00:02:40.720
And one of the things I said was I have become increasingly intolerant of people treating

52
00:02:40.720 --> 00:02:42.480
me in a way that I don't accept.

53
00:02:42.480 --> 00:02:45.680
And I said, you know, maybe in the future, five years from now, I'll look back on this

54
00:02:45.680 --> 00:02:48.200
and think, hey, maybe I was a little too harsh, maybe I was a little too extreme.

55
00:02:48.200 --> 00:02:49.680
And the reality is the exact opposite.

56
00:02:49.680 --> 00:02:52.120
I'm even less tolerant now than I was then.

57
00:02:52.120 --> 00:02:56.720
So if you're sitting on a couch, right, and someone says, hey, get over here.

58
00:02:56.720 --> 00:03:03.200
If they said something like that to me in that tone, I would say, don't talk to me that

59
00:03:03.200 --> 00:03:04.200
way.

60
00:03:04.200 --> 00:03:05.200
I'm not your dog.

61
00:03:05.200 --> 00:03:06.200
Like, what do you need?

62
00:03:06.200 --> 00:03:07.200
They're like, just get over here.

63
00:03:07.200 --> 00:03:09.520
And I'd be like, no, you're just repeating the same thing.

64
00:03:09.520 --> 00:03:11.520
And then it gets this really awkward point.

65
00:03:11.520 --> 00:03:15.840
And those awkward moments is when you reframe and you reteach someone to treat you.

66
00:03:15.840 --> 00:03:18.440
If you think it's uncomfortable for you, it's even more uncomfortable for them.

67
00:03:18.440 --> 00:03:20.520
One, because they're not used to it and no one does this.

68
00:03:20.520 --> 00:03:24.280
It's also why most people are mediocre and never get out of the doom loops they have

69
00:03:24.280 --> 00:03:25.280
from back home.

70
00:03:25.280 --> 00:03:27.680
And they fall right back into the old behaviors that they were trying to get away from.

71
00:03:27.680 --> 00:03:31.520
When you're teaching that person of how you how you want to be treated, you're saying,

72
00:03:31.520 --> 00:03:32.520
you can do whatever you want.

73
00:03:32.520 --> 00:03:35.360
I have no control over how you choose to speak to me.

74
00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:38.000
But I do have control over what I would choose to do in response.

75
00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:42.640
And so if you would like me to get up and help you with this thing, simply ask me, hey,

76
00:03:42.640 --> 00:03:44.440
Alex, are you busy right now?

77
00:03:44.440 --> 00:03:47.800
And I might say, yes or no, if I'm not, you might say, would you mind helping me with

78
00:03:47.800 --> 00:03:48.800
these things?

79
00:03:48.800 --> 00:03:52.040
And I might say, of course, happy to help, but if you say, get over here, I'm never going

80
00:03:52.040 --> 00:03:53.040
to respond to that.

81
00:03:53.040 --> 00:03:56.600
And you repeating it louder in no way makes it makes it more likely to respond.

82
00:03:56.600 --> 00:03:59.800
A lot of times it's these little things like this, it's these micro exchanges because

83
00:03:59.800 --> 00:04:03.720
it's rare that someone's like, you are not happy, Alex, you don't really do that.

84
00:04:03.720 --> 00:04:04.720
Not often.

85
00:04:04.720 --> 00:04:05.720
Sometimes they do.

86
00:04:05.720 --> 00:04:06.720
A couple of examples.

87
00:04:06.720 --> 00:04:08.480
It's like, ah, you have such a short temper, right?

88
00:04:08.480 --> 00:04:10.520
I'll get that one when I go back home.

89
00:04:10.520 --> 00:04:12.760
Anybody who knows me now probably would not describe me that way.

90
00:04:12.760 --> 00:04:13.840
And here's a key point.

91
00:04:13.840 --> 00:04:18.080
What most people want to say, even if they have the balls to step up, and this is a kudos

92
00:04:18.080 --> 00:04:21.160
for even stepping up, if you say, hey, you know what, please don't say that I'm really

93
00:04:21.160 --> 00:04:22.160
working on it.

94
00:04:22.160 --> 00:04:24.280
That's a great half step in the direction.

95
00:04:24.280 --> 00:04:26.360
But believe it or not, it actually makes no progress.

96
00:04:26.360 --> 00:04:27.360
Here's why.

97
00:04:27.360 --> 00:04:31.440
If you say I'm working on it, you're still accepting their frame that you are that way.

98
00:04:31.440 --> 00:04:35.040
If you want to be a different person, then you need to behave a different way, which

99
00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:38.960
means that if you want to step into that identity of the person who doesn't struggle with

100
00:04:38.960 --> 00:04:43.160
drinking or doesn't struggle with their temper, then imagine what that person would say

101
00:04:43.160 --> 00:04:44.160
in response.

102
00:04:44.160 --> 00:04:47.960
So if you don't struggle with drinking and you have no temper and someone says, hey, Alex,

103
00:04:47.960 --> 00:04:48.960
you know how you have a temper?

104
00:04:48.960 --> 00:04:49.960
I would say, no, I don't.

105
00:04:49.960 --> 00:04:50.960
I don't know.

106
00:04:50.960 --> 00:04:51.960
Yeah, you do.

107
00:04:51.960 --> 00:04:52.960
I mean, you've always had a temper.

108
00:04:52.960 --> 00:04:53.960
I'm like, I might have in the past.

109
00:04:53.960 --> 00:04:54.960
I don't know.

110
00:04:54.960 --> 00:04:56.960
Please don't speak me that way.

111
00:04:56.960 --> 00:04:57.960
It doesn't help me.

112
00:04:57.960 --> 00:04:58.960
Unless you prefer that I be angry.

113
00:04:58.960 --> 00:04:59.960
Whoa.

114
00:04:59.960 --> 00:05:00.960
You're getting angry?

115
00:05:00.960 --> 00:05:01.960
No.

116
00:05:01.960 --> 00:05:02.960
I'm stating facts.

117
00:05:02.960 --> 00:05:03.960
I'm asking you a question.

118
00:05:03.960 --> 00:05:04.960
Would you prefer that I be angry?

119
00:05:04.960 --> 00:05:05.960
Would you help me?

120
00:05:05.960 --> 00:05:08.040
Or are you here to get me to behave the way you want me to?

121
00:05:08.040 --> 00:05:12.480
It's very tough for people to see people change because oftentimes when we change in our

122
00:05:12.480 --> 00:05:16.680
world grow, we remind them of the changes they've been incapable of making.

123
00:05:16.680 --> 00:05:19.960
We remind them of their own deficiencies of their own failures, of the comfort zones

124
00:05:19.960 --> 00:05:23.800
that they had been unwilling to step out of that we were willing to take the risk for.

125
00:05:23.800 --> 00:05:28.440
To figure out whether your family and the people that you're going home to are conducive

126
00:05:28.440 --> 00:05:32.800
to your goals, what behaviors do I need to do to achieve the goals I want and do these

127
00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:36.680
people support those behaviors or do they detract from those behaviors?

128
00:05:36.680 --> 00:05:37.680
That's it.

129
00:05:37.680 --> 00:05:40.600
If when you get in that environment, you are less likely to do the behaviors that you say

130
00:05:40.600 --> 00:05:43.120
you're committing to so that you can be the person you want to be and achieve the things

131
00:05:43.120 --> 00:05:45.280
you want to achieve, then that would be a detractor.

132
00:05:45.280 --> 00:05:49.720
If they are helping you and they are supporting you and they are clearing the way and they're

133
00:05:49.720 --> 00:05:52.760
giving you attention back, then that's an amazing family and they are supporting you and

134
00:05:52.760 --> 00:05:53.760
your goals.

135
00:05:53.760 --> 00:05:54.760
This is the double ed store.

136
00:05:54.760 --> 00:05:55.760
This is the paradox.

137
00:05:55.760 --> 00:05:58.760
Is that the loving, caring family that would say, hey, I respect that you're trying to

138
00:05:58.760 --> 00:05:59.760
make this change.

139
00:05:59.760 --> 00:06:01.880
Go do what's right for you so that you can become that person.

140
00:06:01.960 --> 00:06:05.840
That's probably the family you'd want to go home to and that's the paradox of this.

141
00:06:05.840 --> 00:06:08.920
If the family and the people around you, the people that you went back home in high

142
00:06:08.920 --> 00:06:12.800
school and to have your high school parties with or whatever actually behave that way,

143
00:06:12.800 --> 00:06:14.400
they wouldn't be there.

144
00:06:14.400 --> 00:06:15.400
They'd be somewhere else.

145
00:06:15.400 --> 00:06:16.400
Right.

146
00:06:16.400 --> 00:06:17.400
They would have moved on.

147
00:06:17.400 --> 00:06:18.400
They would have grown themselves.

148
00:06:18.400 --> 00:06:19.480
And so that's the tough part about it.

149
00:06:19.480 --> 00:06:25.640
If you are young Mozy and you don't have a lot waiting for you back home in terms of

150
00:06:25.640 --> 00:06:30.520
what you're looking forward to, I just want to give you one outside person's permission

151
00:06:30.600 --> 00:06:34.840
if you need that, to not go home, you can miss a holiday.

152
00:06:34.840 --> 00:06:37.880
And if you need language around that, you just say, I'm not saying this is forever.

153
00:06:37.880 --> 00:06:39.920
I'm just saying this is for now.

154
00:06:39.920 --> 00:06:41.240
That's it.

155
00:06:41.240 --> 00:06:42.240
Easy language.

156
00:06:42.240 --> 00:06:44.400
And if they throw tantrum, that is on them.

157
00:06:44.400 --> 00:06:45.560
They may miss you.

158
00:06:45.560 --> 00:06:47.880
And the thing is that there are elements that you may miss too.

159
00:06:47.880 --> 00:06:50.200
The question is just whether it's worth the trade off.

160
00:06:50.200 --> 00:06:51.440
Here's an easy way to think about this.

161
00:06:51.440 --> 00:06:53.760
When you go home, there are positives.

162
00:06:53.760 --> 00:06:56.280
There are some things that are positive.

163
00:06:56.280 --> 00:06:59.200
There are also things that are negative.

164
00:06:59.200 --> 00:07:00.680
They exist separately.

165
00:07:00.680 --> 00:07:03.520
It's the reason that people get into abusive relationships.

166
00:07:03.520 --> 00:07:06.440
They have lots of positive and they also have lots of negative.

167
00:07:06.440 --> 00:07:09.400
And so when they break up with the, quote, abusive person or the person that they have

168
00:07:09.400 --> 00:07:14.880
some chemically, you know, crazy dynamic with, they feel like they miss the person because

169
00:07:14.880 --> 00:07:17.520
reward does not decrease over time.

170
00:07:17.520 --> 00:07:19.600
But your reminder of punishment does.

171
00:07:19.600 --> 00:07:21.480
So let me give you a tactical example of this.

172
00:07:21.480 --> 00:07:23.760
Have you ever finished a night of drinking in the next morning, say, I'm never going

173
00:07:23.760 --> 00:07:26.400
to drink again, probably.

174
00:07:26.400 --> 00:07:27.840
But then what do you do the next weekend?

175
00:07:27.840 --> 00:07:28.840
You drink.

176
00:07:28.920 --> 00:07:32.600
Because punishment decreases in its effectiveness over time.

177
00:07:32.600 --> 00:07:34.600
You quickly forget and then you do it again.

178
00:07:34.600 --> 00:07:37.920
Reward is actually different than that, which is why when you think about a relationship

179
00:07:37.920 --> 00:07:41.560
10 years in the past, you think about all the sweet memories because all of the punishment

180
00:07:41.560 --> 00:07:43.160
associated with the relationship disappears.

181
00:07:43.160 --> 00:07:46.680
But then you get back in the relationship and you're like, holy cow, I forgot all this crap.

182
00:07:46.680 --> 00:07:49.880
And so what happens is we spend a long time away from our families and we remember all

183
00:07:49.880 --> 00:07:50.880
the good.

184
00:07:50.880 --> 00:07:51.880
We forget all the bad.

185
00:07:51.880 --> 00:07:52.880
But then we get back home.

186
00:07:52.880 --> 00:07:55.320
We're reminded of all the negative things and why we left to begin with.

187
00:07:55.320 --> 00:08:01.320
I try to actively cue myself and remind myself of the many reasons that I chose to leave.

188
00:08:01.320 --> 00:08:05.040
Center point of that is because I didn't think it would help me become the person I wanted

189
00:08:05.040 --> 00:08:06.040
to become.

190
00:08:06.040 --> 00:08:10.560
Especially this is for young Mosey, if you are, if you're in a season right now of trying

191
00:08:10.560 --> 00:08:16.600
to become a new man or a new woman and you're trying to flex your muscles of being on time,

192
00:08:16.600 --> 00:08:21.520
of being consistent, of maybe not drinking too much, of staying in the rhythm that you're

193
00:08:21.520 --> 00:08:22.520
in, right?

194
00:08:22.520 --> 00:08:25.120
You've got this little work grind that's going, you've had a good streak.

195
00:08:25.120 --> 00:08:26.120
You're like being productive.

196
00:08:26.120 --> 00:08:28.840
You're making progress.

197
00:08:28.840 --> 00:08:30.240
Don't break it.

198
00:08:30.240 --> 00:08:32.000
It's not worth the trade off.

199
00:08:32.000 --> 00:08:36.360
How does you drinking on so and so's eggnog and having a couple of pictures and having

200
00:08:36.360 --> 00:08:39.200
some weird comments from your uncle that you don't talk to that much and get us some

201
00:08:39.200 --> 00:08:41.200
political argument that doesn't matter anyways?

202
00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:42.800
How does that make you better?

203
00:08:42.800 --> 00:08:48.880
The only reason you go back is because you're afraid of what people will say.

204
00:08:48.880 --> 00:08:51.280
Hey guys, love that you're listening to the podcast.

205
00:08:51.280 --> 00:08:55.320
If you ever want to have the video version of this, which usually has more facts, more

206
00:08:55.320 --> 00:09:00.320
visuals, more graphs, you know, drawn out stuff, sometimes it can help hit the brain centers

207
00:09:00.320 --> 00:09:01.320
in different ways.

208
00:09:01.320 --> 00:09:02.320
You can check out my YouTube channel.

209
00:09:02.320 --> 00:09:03.320
It's absolutely free.

210
00:09:03.320 --> 00:09:08.880
You can check that out if that's what you are into and if not, keep enjoying the show.

211
00:09:08.880 --> 00:09:10.680
Imagine we played out.

212
00:09:10.680 --> 00:09:13.200
You've got the whole family there and not you.

213
00:09:13.200 --> 00:09:16.280
Version A, they just forget that you're not there and they keep living their lives.

214
00:09:16.280 --> 00:09:18.560
In which case, kudos, it's fine.

215
00:09:18.560 --> 00:09:22.400
On the other hand, the entirety of the room shit talks to you the whole time you're there.

216
00:09:22.400 --> 00:09:24.520
Are you really sad you're missing it?

217
00:09:24.520 --> 00:09:29.520
You choosing not to go has no downside in terms of if they have a negative experience or

218
00:09:29.520 --> 00:09:32.680
you have negative experiences being there and if they treat you negatively.

219
00:09:32.680 --> 00:09:35.760
We have all these positive memories because it's impossible to live an entire life without

220
00:09:35.760 --> 00:09:36.760
positive memories.

221
00:09:36.760 --> 00:09:40.840
You just also have negative ones and the question is, is the upside worth the downside?

222
00:09:40.840 --> 00:09:45.480
For me, especially as I was coming up through this, I noticed that I would get tons of anxiety

223
00:09:45.480 --> 00:09:46.480
going into the holidays.

224
00:09:46.480 --> 00:09:47.840
I would dread certain occasions.

225
00:09:47.840 --> 00:09:52.000
I would dread certain traditions that would happen and I hated all of it.

226
00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:56.000
One day, I was like, why am I putting up with this shit?

227
00:09:56.000 --> 00:09:59.800
There's no rule that says I have to go back and then I gave myself permission to not go

228
00:09:59.800 --> 00:10:00.800
back.

229
00:10:00.800 --> 00:10:01.800
You know what happened?

230
00:10:01.800 --> 00:10:04.120
I kept living and so did they.

231
00:10:04.120 --> 00:10:06.080
The people from high school, they just moved on.

232
00:10:06.080 --> 00:10:08.800
They found other people to find drinking buddies with and if they're like, oh, her mosey

233
00:10:08.800 --> 00:10:09.800
thinks he's better than us.

234
00:10:09.800 --> 00:10:12.160
Okay, different for sure.

235
00:10:12.160 --> 00:10:15.720
If you want to be exceptional and I will say this again, then it means you will be an

236
00:10:15.720 --> 00:10:16.720
exception.

237
00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:19.000
The majority of people will not behave the way you are.

238
00:10:19.000 --> 00:10:21.120
They will say, why are you acting so weird?

239
00:10:21.120 --> 00:10:22.360
Why are you behaving this way?

240
00:10:22.360 --> 00:10:23.360
This isn't normal.

241
00:10:23.360 --> 00:10:24.360
What's going on?

242
00:10:24.360 --> 00:10:27.080
They're going to ask you these questions because they want you to get back in line.

243
00:10:27.080 --> 00:10:30.080
But back in line leads down the road and you know where that road ends and you know

244
00:10:30.080 --> 00:10:32.360
that's not where you want to be.

245
00:10:32.360 --> 00:10:34.760
That's for anybody who doesn't want to go home.

246
00:10:34.760 --> 00:10:37.280
Now if you do have elements of people who you do love there and you have elements of

247
00:10:37.280 --> 00:10:39.960
people you don't like there, then I would say just avoid the people that you don't want

248
00:10:39.960 --> 00:10:40.960
to be with.

249
00:10:40.960 --> 00:10:44.320
And that means that you can just simply not respond to their text when they ask you to

250
00:10:44.320 --> 00:10:45.320
hang up.

251
00:10:45.320 --> 00:10:46.320
I know.

252
00:10:46.320 --> 00:10:47.320
Crazy.

253
00:10:47.320 --> 00:10:50.160
You can also just not put yourself in like if someone say, hey, sit next to me and you're

254
00:10:50.160 --> 00:10:52.560
like, ah, I don't want to crazy.

255
00:10:52.560 --> 00:10:53.760
You just tell them the truth.

256
00:10:53.760 --> 00:10:54.760
I don't want to.

257
00:10:54.760 --> 00:11:03.400
This is the absolute litmus test for navigating these controversial conversations

258
00:11:03.400 --> 00:11:06.760
regularly is that you simply tell the truth.

259
00:11:06.760 --> 00:11:10.880
And it's because there's so many perceived social obligations around holidays, what's

260
00:11:10.880 --> 00:11:14.040
expected of you, what you're supposed to do, what you're supposed to pay for, what

261
00:11:14.040 --> 00:11:17.000
you're supposed to help set up, what about the tree, what about the presence, what are

262
00:11:17.000 --> 00:11:18.000
you going to do?

263
00:11:18.000 --> 00:11:19.000
Right?

264
00:11:19.000 --> 00:11:21.800
If you still feel obligated, you can send money for presence and say, here's money for

265
00:11:21.800 --> 00:11:22.800
everyone.

266
00:11:22.800 --> 00:11:28.800
The truth is what you would say to your real friends or to the few people that you care

267
00:11:28.800 --> 00:11:30.800
about about this situation.

268
00:11:30.800 --> 00:11:32.960
So I don't want to go to my aunt's house.

269
00:11:32.960 --> 00:11:36.440
It's like, so and so drinks too much and so and so is always inappropriate and I always

270
00:11:36.440 --> 00:11:37.440
get in political arguments.

271
00:11:37.440 --> 00:11:38.440
I just don't want to do with it.

272
00:11:38.440 --> 00:11:41.920
You say that to them, you always get in political arguments.

273
00:11:41.920 --> 00:11:43.440
You always get too drunk.

274
00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:44.440
You're always inappropriate.

275
00:11:44.440 --> 00:11:45.640
I just don't want to do with it.

276
00:11:45.640 --> 00:11:49.960
You just say that rather than making up some BS answer because they're going to overcome

277
00:11:49.960 --> 00:11:51.720
your BS because it's BS.

278
00:11:51.720 --> 00:11:54.960
And so they will have the upper hand because they are telling the truth and you are not.

279
00:11:54.960 --> 00:11:57.000
You state the facts.

280
00:11:57.000 --> 00:11:58.520
I don't want to come.

281
00:11:58.520 --> 00:12:00.800
I'm doing really well.

282
00:12:00.800 --> 00:12:06.160
Or hey, I will come on the condition that I'm not going to talk to so and so and I want

283
00:12:06.160 --> 00:12:07.920
to make sure that you as the host are okay with that.

284
00:12:07.920 --> 00:12:11.080
And I will have a conversation with them up front, letting them know that I'm not interested

285
00:12:11.080 --> 00:12:12.080
in talking to them.

286
00:12:12.080 --> 00:12:16.840
You say, Hey, Uncle John, there's 38 people here at our holiday gets together.

287
00:12:16.840 --> 00:12:18.680
Talk to any of the other 37 but me.

288
00:12:18.680 --> 00:12:19.680
That's it.

289
00:12:19.680 --> 00:12:22.000
And if you need to make grandma, you're welcome to just don't include me in, please.

290
00:12:22.000 --> 00:12:25.520
Also one of the things that I think is underrated is is leisure time.

291
00:12:25.520 --> 00:12:28.800
Just because you are home and you don't have something scheduled doesn't mean everyone

292
00:12:28.800 --> 00:12:30.400
has free access to your time.

293
00:12:30.400 --> 00:12:34.320
If you want to stay in and watch a movie because you're on holiday break and it's one

294
00:12:34.320 --> 00:12:36.280
of the few times that you just do that.

295
00:12:36.280 --> 00:12:39.120
Even if it's just you and not even with your family, then if someone says, Hey, let's

296
00:12:39.120 --> 00:12:40.880
go out and you say, No, I'm good.

297
00:12:40.880 --> 00:12:43.960
And they say what like what are you busy tonight or what do you have plans or if they start

298
00:12:43.960 --> 00:12:46.200
with hate, you have plans and you say no and they say you want to go out.

299
00:12:46.200 --> 00:12:51.080
You can also right after they say that, say no because rest is productive.

300
00:12:51.080 --> 00:12:55.520
If it nets you again in how much you can do, if you rest well during the holidays and

301
00:12:55.520 --> 00:12:57.760
you're more productive after the holidays, that's a good thing.

302
00:12:57.760 --> 00:13:00.600
If you feel like you have to recover from your holidays, then you don't even get the

303
00:13:00.600 --> 00:13:02.160
main benefit of holidays.

304
00:13:02.160 --> 00:13:06.000
If we think about how we curate our environment, the wealthier the people that I meet, the

305
00:13:06.000 --> 00:13:11.600
more contained and pristine their environments are, they don't allow people who are detracting

306
00:13:11.600 --> 00:13:14.440
from the people they want to be in the behaviors they want to do in.

307
00:13:14.440 --> 00:13:18.560
And so think about Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos or Steve Jobs.

308
00:13:18.560 --> 00:13:20.560
Think about the teams of people that they have around them.

309
00:13:20.560 --> 00:13:23.800
Do you think you can be an idiot and be an Elon Musk's presence?

310
00:13:23.800 --> 00:13:26.920
Do you think you can be a drunkard and be an basis's presence?

311
00:13:26.920 --> 00:13:30.320
Do you think you can be like an idiot and passive aggressive and makes night remarks

312
00:13:30.320 --> 00:13:32.400
in Steve Jobs' presence?

313
00:13:32.400 --> 00:13:33.720
No, why?

314
00:13:33.720 --> 00:13:34.920
Because they're intolerant of that.

315
00:13:34.920 --> 00:13:36.360
They have a higher standard.

316
00:13:36.360 --> 00:13:40.200
And so if you remember the first girlfriend or her first boyfriend you ever had versus

317
00:13:40.200 --> 00:13:44.280
what your standards are today, your standards rise as you grow.

318
00:13:44.280 --> 00:13:50.440
As you become better, so too do your expeditions or rather should your expeditions become of

319
00:13:50.440 --> 00:13:52.560
others that you surround yourself with.

320
00:13:52.560 --> 00:13:56.240
And so if you're spending all this time working on the person and the character that you're

321
00:13:56.240 --> 00:14:01.360
trying to build and then you just dilute it with crap around you, it's very tough to

322
00:14:01.360 --> 00:14:05.120
get back to that, which is why you feel like you have to take one or two weeks to shed

323
00:14:05.120 --> 00:14:09.160
the bad behaviors and the bad habits that you picked right back up when you went back

324
00:14:09.160 --> 00:14:10.680
home.

325
00:14:10.680 --> 00:14:16.520
And so for me, it's like I would rather not have, you know, a week or two of a bad lack

326
00:14:16.520 --> 00:14:20.880
of rest where everyone feels that they're entitled to my time, entitled to my energy,

327
00:14:20.880 --> 00:14:25.000
going into another week or two afterwards where I have to recover from this vacation.

328
00:14:25.000 --> 00:14:28.080
It's like I just, I ate up three or four weeks of my year.

329
00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:32.320
It's eight percent of my year, my whole year because of a social expectation.

330
00:14:32.320 --> 00:14:33.480
To me, that's ridiculous.

331
00:14:33.480 --> 00:14:34.880
And so I don't subscribe.

332
00:14:34.880 --> 00:14:36.120
I opt out.

333
00:14:36.120 --> 00:14:37.760
We create our reality.

334
00:14:37.760 --> 00:14:40.720
We create the rules of engagement for other people to interact with us.

335
00:14:40.720 --> 00:14:43.800
We teach and reinforce others for the way that they treat us.

336
00:14:43.800 --> 00:14:46.720
If we don't like the way someone treats us, we don't like the way someone talks to us,

337
00:14:46.720 --> 00:14:49.200
it's our responsibility to set it straight.

338
00:14:49.200 --> 00:14:53.320
And if they do not adhere to the agreements that you have set, then you don't need to play

339
00:14:53.320 --> 00:14:54.320
anymore.

340
00:14:54.320 --> 00:14:57.840
But their loss is your company, and then you keep living your life.

341
00:14:57.840 --> 00:15:00.760
I think this is epictetus, but he says, like, how do you get angry at a rock?

342
00:15:00.760 --> 00:15:04.200
You can call it rock names, you can shout at it, you can stop your feet, but the rock

343
00:15:04.200 --> 00:15:05.600
just stays a rock.

344
00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:10.040
And so if they get all upset, just be the rock, like, I understand, got it.

345
00:15:10.040 --> 00:15:11.040
Not going to change my behavior.

346
00:15:11.040 --> 00:15:15.360
But I understand having these hard conversations gives us the space to be the people that we

347
00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:20.440
want to be on the terms that we set rather than the ones that are thrust upon us by social

348
00:15:20.440 --> 00:15:25.120
expectations and cultural norms that were created for people who are not trying to achieve

349
00:15:25.120 --> 00:15:26.120
the goals that we are.

350
00:15:26.120 --> 00:15:29.680
I'm only sharing this because some of you who are listening to this are actually going

351
00:15:29.680 --> 00:15:30.680
to achieve big shit.

352
00:15:30.680 --> 00:15:33.040
And it's going to feel really lonely for a lot of that time.

353
00:15:33.040 --> 00:15:35.320
And it's because you're going to feel like the odd man out and you're going to feel

354
00:15:35.320 --> 00:15:37.480
like what you're doing is contrary to what everyone else is doing.

355
00:15:37.480 --> 00:15:40.480
The people who are back there are going to call your names behind your back, they're

356
00:15:40.480 --> 00:15:42.920
going to say, you think you're better than them, they're going to say that you forgot

357
00:15:42.920 --> 00:15:43.920
where you came from.

358
00:15:43.920 --> 00:15:46.400
And you just develop a thicker skin because you realize that they say those things and

359
00:15:46.400 --> 00:15:48.000
yet you still continue.

360
00:15:48.000 --> 00:15:51.000
And yet you keep living and you keep getting closer to your goals.

361
00:15:51.000 --> 00:15:56.440
And then the thing is, goal after goal starts falling down and you get more and more evidence

362
00:15:56.440 --> 00:16:00.400
that this path is the path you should be on and you'll feel more and more confident to

363
00:16:00.400 --> 00:16:03.480
the point where in the future, you just have no issue with that.

364
00:16:03.480 --> 00:16:04.480
You'll have zero tolerance.

365
00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:07.960
Someone text you, just block up, I don't need it, I just don't need it.

366
00:16:07.960 --> 00:16:11.560
And so I am significantly less tolerant than I was in my first video four or five years

367
00:16:11.560 --> 00:16:12.560
ago.

368
00:16:12.560 --> 00:16:13.560
And I was pretty intolerant then.

369
00:16:13.560 --> 00:16:17.000
Maybe five years from now, I'll recant all of this stuff.

370
00:16:17.000 --> 00:16:19.600
But maybe five years from now, I'll say the same thing that I did now and maybe I'll

371
00:16:19.600 --> 00:16:20.600
be even less tolerant.

372
00:16:20.600 --> 00:16:22.640
I'm making this for young Mosey who needs to hear that.

373
00:16:22.640 --> 00:16:24.640
And if you have an amazing family, that's awesome.

374
00:16:24.640 --> 00:16:26.840
Go back, enjoy the holidays, keep living you.

375
00:16:26.840 --> 00:16:30.040
But this is just for the people who aren't stoked about going back for the holidays

376
00:16:30.040 --> 00:16:31.000
and are not sure what to do.