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Good morning everyone, clocking in from downtown by not downtown. I mean, suburbia, Austin, I've been staring at my screen for the last like 30 minutes because I woke up and down just this like combination of thoughts was on my mind and I was just like, how am I going to articulate this and so this could get really deep in a good way.

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But I'm calling this the three dimensions of leadership and so I'm making this because I think so many times I've been asked by people in our company, people who know me from from before the gyms.

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Just all different times in my life people have asked like, how do you how do you gain respect? Right and they're like, I feel like I feel like your employees respect you. I feel like I feel like people respect you.

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You know, like, how do you how do I get that? And it was it's a really hard question for me. And so I wanted to give you a little bit of backstory. I think of how this kind of came to be. So first off, just just some interesting backlog. I was raised by a single dad and I had no siblings. And so all like my home life was just met right and it was the Middle Eastern father.

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I went to an all guy school, which is again, all men. As soon as I went to college, I immediately joined a fraternity and surrounded myself by all men.

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And I think it's because just like on some level, like I was more comfortable there. And my audience, if I look at Instagram and I look at Facebook and all that stuff is 80% male.

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And the 20% of females that I think that come in tend to be entrepreneurs. And there's a lot of sort of traditionally male characteristics that go along with that.

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Now I'm not saying that anyway that's that's better good in terms of like male catcher being bad or female like whatever. I'm just saying like, that's what is right.

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And so I think that I've attracted that mix and that like my life has been that way because my primary driver in life has been respect.

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And so there's an amazing series called Love and Respect. It's four marriages, but I think it's one of the most profound understandings of how to deal with people.

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Besides like how to make friends and influence people, I'd say the second thing that I would ever watch is that it's a marriage series, but it's really just about men and women and the differences and the drivers of how how to get people to do what you want them to do right and how to have better relationships.

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And that that book and that series changed my life as well. And it reinforced it put words to a lot of the things that I did that I didn't know why.

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And so respect. I called this the three dimensions of leadership because I was trying to try to think through what is it right.

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If you look it up, it's just an admiration of someone due to qualities, achievements, etc. But I was like, how does that what what what's where's the teeth to respect right.

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So I was thinking I was like, I think maybe it's the it's the middle point between fear and love. And then I thought more about that. And I was like, I don't know if it's the midpoint because like, you know, I think Layla respects me.

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I don't know if she fears me. Well, maybe she does fear me. I mean, so I was playing with this. And I think it looks more like a triangle. And so I think it's more fear, love and respect that sit on a triangle.

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And we aim as leaders to be in the middle of that dot, right. And if you think about the midpoints between each of those three, let's say if you have respect and love, the midpoint there, I would say is like loyalty, right.

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And if you look at the midpoint between between fear and love, you have sacrifice, right. And so if you look at like each of those dimensions, you have like different characteristics that kind of that kind of come out of them.

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And so to go back to the initial question, like, how do you gain respect, right. And because it's been the only goal I've had in most of my life, I didn't I never really sought to be loved. That was not it's not a primary driver if it did happen. It was not my not my goal. It was it was a secondary thing.

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And I think that because I've lived at all male dominated organizations, sorry, like my whole life has been predominantly male. And then even when I had my gyms, I really, I think I only hired total three women ever between all the locations, like, I mean, I, it's just I was more, it's not like it was the sexist thing is just like I was more comfortable with guys. And so it just ended up naturally happening that way.

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And so, and I never had I never had trainers leave and steal clients, like, I never had any of those things happen because the entire organization around respect, right. And the things that I've learned about respect is that it has to be given before it's before it's received and.

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And and and you have to set that tone in the initial conversation. And so like if if someone's first day or first interaction with you, they come in and it's two minutes late, if you're just like, please don't be late again. I won't be late for you.

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Like it automatically sets at home because they're like, wow, like it's, but I respected them by being on time and they didn't respect me by not being on time. And so it's like you set this tone immediately and you make these minor corrections and you don't tolerate times where there's minor points of disrespect and you point it out to the person so that they understand where you're coming from.

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And when it's a happening is that you raise the expectations, you raise the bar of the relationship. And then as a result, respect follows.

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And so this has been something I'm probably going to dive more even deeper on because it's like it's really messing with my head because I want to be able to impart this to, you know, the leaders of the company and then the manager in our company and everything is like, how do we, how do we gain that.

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So a lot of times, respect is also earned from sacrifice. And so if you want, especially like in the world of men, at least in my belief, is that if you want someone's respect, you have to do things for them that they wouldn't expect you to do.

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Right. And so for example, I'm just giving you an example from like the world of pledging, right. And the reason I'm using that is because it's, it was a short period of time where you rapidly, you're introduced into a new environment and you want to rapidly gain respect, right. That was kind of the environment. So deconstructing like what the actions were in order to gain that.

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Right. And the way to do that in that environment was do more than anyone else would offer to give more far past what was average or what was the most, but just give everything to the cause that benefited the whole group.

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And so if you sacrifice yourself and say, no, guys, like, I know you all have some tests tomorrow. Like I'll work late tonight. Like don't worry about it. Like, it's fine. And consistently putting the group first is what gains you respect. Right. And so I feel like there's so many little micro points and so many like micro experiences that I've had that have like, I like put that in my like respect playbook of like, oh, okay, like whenever there's a little issue.

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That that comes up that's that's either disrespectful from here to them, like, announce it, right. Or if I ever disrespect someone else, for example, and by being too minutes late, the first thing I'll say is like, first off, I'm at no disrespect by being too minutes late.

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I didn't want to disrespect your time. I totally lost track. And I apologize. And I can't tell you how many times I've had like this things happen. Right. And I mean, I try to always be on time. But even if you're too minutes late or a minute late, right.

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If you start a conversation like that with a vendor or a new employee or anything, I can't tell you the amount of times that people are taking it back and they're like, oh, thanks. Like, no, but I appreciate that. But no. And so there's immediate level of respect of like this person's respecting my time. I'm going to respect his time back.

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And so that was like one little note in the respect playbook. You know what I mean? Like, try and see if there's ways that I can sacrifice for the group. So if I'm on a sales team, right.

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Like, I'll be like, guys, I'll work the weekends. I'll take the late shifts. Like, don't worry about it. I got this. And then like, I'll wake up earlier. And then the thing is is that people see that effort. And they're like, man, like, I respect that guy. Like, I respect this hustle. Right. And so there's probably different elements of things that people respect about you. Right. Like, maybe you're like that and work, but you're a horrible husband and people know that. But like, you're like, I don't respect that about him.

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So there's even more, you know, facets, which is kind of bringing in what Laila says where you have to lead what you live or live what you, whatever, lead what you live or live what you leave. But if people see, like, people want, people want to respect someone.

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And they just are waiting for reasons not to. And I think that if you, if you try and live the same life in secret or in private as you do in public, then there's no, there's no inconsistencies between the two.

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And people can see that because at the end of the day, like, everything always comes out. Like the truth always comes out. And so if you try and live that truth. And when you know you, you mess up, you own that people respect you for it. Because like, I've, I mean, a million people said this, but like, like, M&M, if you can own your flaws and know that and then continue to work on them and people see you work on them, they respect you more for it.

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Then trying to posture and say, like, I don't have them because we all have flaws, right? And so, like, these are just some of the things that have come up, like, and, and trying to reverse engineer this because I want, I want my entire company to be, you know, run based off of respect. And I probably lean too much in that direction because that's what I was raised in.

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I mean, Middle Eastern family, like, it's all on respect, right? Like, I, I, the, the test that they took in the love and respect, which is really, really interesting is they have one question that they ask men and women, and they do this is kind of like the onset of the entire seminar, which is, if you could, like, I'm butching the question, but if you could be loved by everyone, right?

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But, but no one respected you for the rest of your life, would you prefer that or everyone respects you, but have no love, which you would you prefer, right?

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And it's like 80% of men say they would prefer to be respected and not loved and like 80% of women are like, I prefer to be loved and not respected.

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And so it's just an interesting dichotomy between like how men and women in general tend to respond to things.

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And so I'm like, I consistently obsessed about this because it's probably been the primary driver of like, how I want all my relationships and my life to work is based on respect and respect is mutual.

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It's two ways, right? And it's just like most things you have to give it before you get it and the way to consistently get it and keep it as to consistently sacrifice for the good of the whole.

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And I think that's probably the biggest piece is sacrificing and putting the whole before yourself.

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And I think when and doing that, not just in front of people, but especially behind closed doors, because I think when I was younger and I wanted to gain respect, I always was trying to do it in places where people would see it.

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And then I realized a much later on that I got so much more respect when people would would notice things that they knew I didn't that they would notice things that I had done that they knew that wasn't visual or wasn't public.

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And then they would tell other people about it, right? And so it's kind of like coming into the party and saying like, we've got a business to those X, Y and Z, blah, blah, blah, versus you coming into conversation with someone and having them posture against you and say like, well, we've got a seven figure business, right?

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And you're like, that's amazing, dude, good for you. Like, you know, what are you doing? You're just being interested in them and whatnot and letting them just like beat their chest.

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And then what happens is they leave and then someone else comes up just like, don't you know that is.

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And they're like, no, they're like, oh, that guy does X, Y and Z. And then all of a sudden in that dynamic, that first person who was bragging feels like a fool, right?

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And so immediately it's the things that other people say that are going to give you four more than anything you can say. And so it's like, if you want other people to say the things that you want them to say, what do we have to do in order to get them to say those things?

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And so like making that realization for me was a huge kind of breakthrough for me because then it stopped being like about posturing publicly, but about posturing privately.

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And then what happens is, and this is like kind of the funny part is if you start doing the things almost from an external standpoint because you selflessly want to be respected, but you're doing the things in private in order to do that, then all of a sudden you start to change your identity because what you're doing in private is respectable.

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And so in a weird way, you kind of push out the things that are not respectable that you do in your life. And so like, and one of the biggest things when I was like really like dealing with the demons that I had earlier on in life was understanding the concept of shame.

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So if like the respect is what the goal is, the opposite of that is shame and embarrassment. And so a lot of times, I think that people were like, man, Alex is so real. I mean, I just see this in the comments and whatnot on like a podcast and like I appreciate it.

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But I think it was, it was really hard for me to like when you own your flaws, it's the thing that you're most afraid to say out loud is the things that you suck at because you're ashamed of it.

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But when you take the things that you're ashamed of and you bring them to the light all of a sudden, what used to be perceived as shame is perceived as strength.

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And it's really interesting, just understanding that like the things that I was ashamed of that I've done and that I've said and how I've acted when brought into the light like they only give you shame and they only take up your attention in your headspace when you try and hide it.

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But when you bring into the light and you talk about it, then people respect you for it. And it's just this really interesting thing because I think on some level, we all are like that, but then you respect the person who had the courage to do it.

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And so like in the in the respect playbook, it's like, set the tone, always don't disrespect people, sacrifice for the good of the whole, lead what you live, like do the things in the backgrounds and in the shadows that people would think respectable and would talk about you.

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And then the one that I just set and then like own your flaws and bring them out publicly so that the things that you're ashamed of actually become the things that people perceive as your strengths.

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And so like going through this and like you don't mean like in this playbook as like lengthened over time and I might even make a follow up of you guys like this.

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But there's this like this, I didn't know what direction this was going to go in, but trying to understand that triangle of fear, love and respect and sitting in the dot in the middle because like there is an element of fear when it comes to leadership.

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And so even if you're not religious or whatever, if you think about the relationship that most people would have with their creator, whatever the omnipotent like being in their life is, there's three elements, it's not just love, it's not just fear, it's not just respect, it's all three.

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And it's kind of like this melting pot of those three emotions and then the actions that happen as a result of that are the things that happen between if you have the respect and the love that's for your loyal you have the fear and the love and so your.

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So that's where you sacrifice and when you have fear and respect your obedient right and so you see these three triangles and the actions that exists between each of those those binaries of the emotion on that triangle plane and that's how you can get those behaviors is by having all three of those things.

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And so if you're like I feel like I have no loyalty in my organization right then it means that they don't that you probably don't have the balance of respect and love right and so I think you get loyalty because people see that you're making the decisions not only out of out of respect for the company but also out of love for the individual like people like sometimes I don't attract women I think because I can be perceived as abrasive right very direct.

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And so sometimes that doesn't sit well with people who kind of like just walk into our environment like it's a wall right but I think that that loyalty lives there because we're always trying to think like if I'm making the decision like is this loving this person is this actually this person's best interest and that's why parenting is so different than being someone's friend right like we have to do these things and like I'm saying this not as a parent but I feel like when you run an organization like in some ways the relationships very similar is like.

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I need to I need to foster this person and balance the stick in the carrot you know what I mean of love and fear and balance this because I truly want the best for the individual now if you don't have that in mind if people don't think you have their best interest in mind and the secret to having people think you have their best interest in mind is to actually have the best interest in mind right and so.

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If they don't feel like you have that then you may have their respect but not their love and so then you don't have loyalty right and so if you have people constantly leaving your organization that's what it is right and if you if you if you have people who like don't respect you right and like talk shit behind your back and when you make when you make statements and what not they're like they roll their eyes or whatever then it means you might not have fear right and so like it's it's it's constantly balancing between these things.

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There's three forces in order to get you know the behavior that's desired and obviously we're human and we're flawed and sometimes I lean too much towards fear I'll be real with you like I there's probably a lot of people in my company that on some level fear me and I know that you know what I mean I understand that and I'm not going to say that I don't sometimes foster that a little bit because it's good to make sure everyone knows you still have teeth that like expectations are still expected to be met because if you don't have the fear that it means you don't have accountability.

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There's no consequences right and so there has to be that balance of like I love you I need you like I want to foster you I want to grow you.

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But there are expectations and after a certain point it goes from love to fear right there are going to be teeth that come out as a result of this relationship and if you can't do that then that's when you lose respect right from that team or that employee etc and so.

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It's it's this it's this triad and there may be even more dimensions to it I don't know this is just like as I'm articulating it because I know that I've had a lot of people ask me about it and it's just such a complex emotion to be able to get from people and I don't think it's one trick is if it were everyone would do it but I think it it's like kind of the embodiment of all of the way that you treat other people in the things that you do in in in the dark how you articulate those things and honestly how you live your life.

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And so when people want to have like I think the combination of perfect leadership and have the loyalty and the obedience and the sacrifice and the love and fear and respect from their teams that they can ultimately lead an influence in organization it's it's because they lack some of those things right like you you won't have fear if you never hold people accountable or enforce rules for real right if you don't enforce then you have no fear which is important because that's what moves people right.

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If you don't care for the individuals right you'll lose loyalty because they think that you don't actually care about them and it's only about you or it's only about the business which means that the first chance and they're going to go care about themselves and not you or the business because they're just going to mirror back what what you're showing them right and then.

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The same thing with respect which I think a lot of times comes from sacrifice right is that if they feel like you're not willing to do things for the organization that you're asking them to do.

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Then they're not going to do it for the organization either right and I think that to a certain degree a lot of people like I've always felt like it was easier to ask someone to do something that they know beyond a shadow of a doubt I would do five times more right.

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And then it just it just gives you a high ground from that conversation and maybe there's other ways to do it like I mean I don't know but at least for me from my like up to this point in my life I know that I can speak confidently and saying that most people in the organization don't think that I slack right they don't think that I hope that I that I would hold myself to a lower standard than I would hold them.

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And so I think that that's one of the keys is like if you want to hold people to a high standard a really high standard then you in honest or in earnest have to hold yourself to an even higher standard and that has to be real.

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And that means that like that video that I made about trade offs of like what you're going to hold some this standard and you want to hold yourself to a higher standard are you being real about that is that actually the standard you're holding yourself to.

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And if you're not then that's where they lose respect because the moment you ask more from someone else than you ask from yourself you lose respect right and so if it's like man it seems so hard to balance all these things I think it's true it's right that is hard and that's why most people can't do it and that's why most people don't lead right and the degree to which you lead and the size of the organization that you're able to lead the size of the movement that you're able to lead I think it's directly proportional to how deep each of those three roots of the triangle run right.

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How how hard do people think you can go from a fear side like how much judgment they do they think that you can you can dish out if it came to it how much sacrifice from the respect side do they think that you would give to to better the entire community to better the entire organization what would you give up.

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For not your own self interest but for the good of the whole right like when we talk to our general community and I say like we haven't taken a paycheck and we're putting everything into building what we think is going to be the future of the gym industry like it's not semantics like we're doing that and it's not doing it to to gain respect it's doing it because I think that's what's right and I think that we've been given a lot and to be stewards of that I want I want to do much has been given much is expected and I think we've been given a shitload so that there's a lot of expectations.

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Right.

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Real quick guys if you can think about how you found this podcast somebody probably tweeted it told you about it shared it on Instagram or something like that the only way this grows is through word of mouth and so I don't run ads I don't do sponsorships I don't sell anything my only

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services that you continue to pay it for to ever showed you or however you found out about this podcast that you do the exact same thing so if it was a review if it was a post if you do that you mean the world to me and you'll throw some good karma out there for another entrepreneur.

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And if you feel like someone else above you is always expecting more from you than anyone else right and you think about all the things that we're given I think it shifts your perspective in terms of what is expected of yourself and so that allows you to race the bar beyond what most humans will be able to be capable of because it's not from here right if that makes sense.

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So the last piece is the love piece and so how deep does your love run right for the individuals that are in your organization and I think that comes from like truly loving people but truly loving people isn't being soft you know what I mean it's knowing the difference of like is this the type of person.

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Everyone here as kids and I don't have kids but I know that I'm probably going to.

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Father them this way is like there's like I have some I like the sales team responds very differently then then you know.

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Then marketing very different you know very I've got a bunch of you know more creative people there and like like they're not the type of people that need like fear you know what I mean because they're like sales people in general tend to be more alpha more pushing the envelope always and that's good because that's what they need they need that characteristic in order to succeed right but in order to run that team it needs a very different leader and leadership style then running a marketing team right which have you have to like you can't.

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Have a lot of creativity in the environment of fear right and so it's balancing the needs of the individual and deeply caring about them in reality because you want what's best for them and sometimes it's best for them is not working for your company and being honest about that with them so it's like I care about you and in this point in your life you may or may not believe me but I know that later on.

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You may gain the perspective to see what I'm doing right now and you'll think before it and I can't tell you how many times I've had that conversation with people and then later I had them come back and be like you were done on like I wasn't ready for that at that point and I just want to say thanks and and and I think as the leader you have to be willing to not be liked in the moment to do what's right in the larger sense for the individual and sometimes it's doing things that they don't even understand themselves and I sometimes I think I zoom out and I'm going to do that.

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I think in context of like the things that I suffered through in my life and thought in this moment or in that moment I was I struggled a ton with it but then it made me stronger right was it like it either either either like struggles either beat the strength out of you or beat it into you I kind of like that saying and so I think that when when you think about those in context they make us you know those experiences make us who we are and if we're going to be the person who's delivering those experiences to someone else you have to do it from a position of love.

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I love truly loving the person and what you we hope that they can become whether it's with you without you and so that's it's like that's the that's the triad right that's the triad between those three things so that you can have the love the respect and the fear of all of the people in your organization so that you can have the loyalty and the sacrifice and you and I don't like the word obedience because I think it has a very negative connotation but like in a lot of ways like the word is obedience like it's you know when you have if you have a directive like it needs to be followed.

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Right and so maybe a better word would be like buying you know I mean that would probably be like the socially accepted word but like I like the word obedience because I think I think it carries it's real you know what I mean it's real and a lot of a lot of obedience also comes from like I respect you enough I admire you enough I admire your achievements I admire what you're willing to give up that I will take what you.

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See and understand that I don't see the whole playing field right which is why I was really drawn to the military and it was a really hard decision and ultimately both my parents like you know like we don't want you to go there like they had all their fears and all that stuff but I think I really would have loved the military to be honest with you but I just ended up not doing that direction of life I'd have a tremendous amount of respect for it.

100
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And in those organizations it's so indoctrinated and so clear to everyone that like you don't see the greater good you don't see the whole battlefield right you see your piece and you need to execute and then when that happens the whole is better and that's why military organizations are run off respect right and loyalty because in sacrifice and and and so that like those those characteristics are more alive because it's most important.

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Mostly a male organization and they understand it better than anyone is that respect is what runs that thing right that whole organization is run off respect and so anyways the circle is holding back if if you were trying to lead and you're struggling to lead and you're struggling to get the respect and ultimately the obedience and the execution and the buy-in from your team when you need to make the hard calls about the business or about changes that happen.

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Look at those three and think which of these am I lacking am I lacking the enforcement from the fear side have I said expectations and said this is where we need to go and then not follow through and not have repercussions when we didn't hit it.

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Did have I have I been asking so from a respects standpoint have I been asking things of other people that I wouldn't do myself or that they don't believe that I would do myself am I am I like am I willing to sacrifice or asking them to sacrifice things that I'm not sacrificing for respect for love.

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Do the people that are in my organization feel like genuinely care about them in a deep sense not on a peripheral coddling sense but like really truly care about the individual which sometimes means doing things that aren't fun for them because you care about their greater good and not just the moment and so I think that if you look at those three things you'll be able to dissect your leadership style and be able to see where the deficiencies are in where you have and then kind of go through that respect playbook.

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To get to where you want to go so anyways I hope this is valuable for you this was just like this melting pot of all these different concepts in my head that.

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That kind of came together to this you know if you found this valuable throw like throw comment I'd love to have your opinion if you if you like some of this stuff or you like like more of this kind of direction i don't talk about leadership time.

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I talk way more about like you know business and money stuff but I think that it's important and I think that it underlies being able to execute anything is because after it's not you anymore and you have a team.

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Then you have an entire team of people that you have to get to do what is best for the business and the way to do that is through leading so anyways lots of love everybody hope you have a terrific Thursday.

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Like I said drop a like in a comment or tag somebody if you think it's good and if you're listening to the podcast leave a review that'd be great.

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Alright easy back.