WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.880 When you own your flaws, it's the thing that you're most afraid to say out loud. 2 00:00:04.880 --> 00:00:07.920 It's the things that you suck at because you're ashamed of it. 3 00:00:08.560 --> 00:00:13.040 But when you take the things that you're ashamed of and you bring them to the light, 4 00:00:13.040 --> 00:00:17.200 all of a sudden, what used to be perceived as shame is perceived as strength. 5 00:00:19.680 --> 00:00:21.920 The wealthiest people in the world see business as a game. 6 00:00:21.920 --> 00:00:25.280 This podcast, the game, is my attempt at documenting the lessons I've learned on my way to 7 00:00:25.280 --> 00:00:27.840 building acquisition.com into a billion dollar portfolio. 8 00:00:27.920 --> 00:00:30.960 My hope is that you use the lessons to grow your business and maybe someday soon partner 9 00:00:30.960 --> 00:00:33.680 with us to get to a hundred million dollars in beyond. I hope you share and enjoy. 10 00:00:39.040 --> 00:00:43.600 I'm calling this the three dimensions of leadership and so I'm making this because I think 11 00:00:44.640 --> 00:00:50.960 so many times I've been asked by people in our company, people who know me from before the gyms, 12 00:00:51.520 --> 00:00:57.360 just all different times of my life people have asked like, how do you gain respect? 13 00:00:58.480 --> 00:01:02.000 And they're like, I feel like I feel like your employees respect you. I feel like I feel like 14 00:01:02.720 --> 00:01:08.880 people respect you. How do I get that? And it's a really hard question for me. 15 00:01:08.880 --> 00:01:12.960 And so I wanted to give you a little bit of backstory. I think of how this kind of came to be. 16 00:01:12.960 --> 00:01:20.640 So first off, just some interesting backlog. I was raised by a single dad and I had no siblings. 17 00:01:20.960 --> 00:01:26.400 And so all like my home life was just men, right? And it was the Middle Eastern Fox. 18 00:01:27.280 --> 00:01:34.000 I went to an all guy school, which is again, all men. As soon as I went to college, 19 00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:40.160 I immediately joined a fraternity and surrounded myself by all men. And I think it's because 20 00:01:40.160 --> 00:01:45.600 just like on some level, like I was more comfortable there. And my audience, if I look at Instagram 21 00:01:45.600 --> 00:01:53.760 and I look at Facebook and all that stuff is 80% male. And the 20% of females that I think 22 00:01:53.760 --> 00:02:00.640 that come in tend to be entrepreneurs. And there's a lot of sort of traditionally male characteristics 23 00:02:00.640 --> 00:02:04.560 that go along with that. Now I'm not saying that anyway, that's that's better good in terms of like 24 00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:08.480 male characteristics being better, female, like whatever. I'm just saying like, that's what is, right? 25 00:02:09.040 --> 00:02:14.400 And so I think that I've attracted that mix and that like my life has been that way because 26 00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:20.720 my primary driver in life has been respect. And so there's there's an amazing series called Love 27 00:02:20.720 --> 00:02:25.920 and Respect. It's four marriages, but I think it's one of the most profound understandings of how 28 00:02:25.920 --> 00:02:29.280 to deal with people. Besides like how to make friends and influence people, I'd say the second 29 00:02:29.280 --> 00:02:33.840 thing that I would ever watch is that it's a marriage series, but it's really just about men and 30 00:02:33.840 --> 00:02:39.280 women and the differences and the drivers of how how to get people to do what you want them to do, 31 00:02:39.280 --> 00:02:44.800 right? And how to have better relationships. And that that book and that series changed my life 32 00:02:44.800 --> 00:02:49.120 as well. And it reinforced it put words to a lot of the things that I did that I didn't know why. 33 00:02:49.840 --> 00:02:54.960 And so respect. I called this the three dimensions of leadership because I was trying to try 34 00:02:54.960 --> 00:03:00.480 to think through what is it, right? And if you look it up, it's just an admiration of someone due 35 00:03:00.480 --> 00:03:06.160 to qualities, achievements, et cetera. But I was like, how does that what what what's where's the teeth 36 00:03:06.160 --> 00:03:12.480 to respect, right? And so I was thinking I was like, I think maybe it's the it's the middle point 37 00:03:12.480 --> 00:03:17.520 between fear and love. And then I thought more about that. And I was like, I don't know if it's 38 00:03:17.520 --> 00:03:22.720 the midpoint because like, you know, I think Layla respects me. I don't know if she fears me. Well, 39 00:03:22.720 --> 00:03:27.440 maybe she does fear me. I mean, so I was playing with this. And I think it looks more like a triangle. 40 00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:36.000 And so I think it's more fear, love and respect that sit on a triangle. And we aim as leaders 41 00:03:36.000 --> 00:03:41.280 to be in the middle of that dot, right? And if you think about the midpoints between each of those 42 00:03:41.280 --> 00:03:48.400 three, let's say if you have respect and love, the midpoint there, I would say is like loyalty, right? 43 00:03:48.400 --> 00:03:53.760 And if you look at the midpoint between between fear and love, you have sacrifice, right? And so if 44 00:03:53.760 --> 00:03:58.320 you look at like each of those dimensions, you have like different characteristics that kind of that 45 00:03:58.320 --> 00:04:03.200 kind of come out of them. And so to go back to the initial question, like how do you gain respect? 46 00:04:03.280 --> 00:04:07.760 Right? And because it's been the only goal I've had in most of my life, I didn't, I never really 47 00:04:07.760 --> 00:04:12.560 sought to be loved. That was not, it's not a primary driver. If it did happen, it was not my, 48 00:04:12.560 --> 00:04:18.720 not my goal. It was, it was a secondary thing. And I think that because I've lived at all male 49 00:04:18.720 --> 00:04:24.640 dominated organizations, sorry, like my whole life has been predominantly male. And then even when 50 00:04:24.640 --> 00:04:30.080 I had my gyms, I really, I think I only hired total three women ever between all the locations. 51 00:04:30.080 --> 00:04:33.840 Like, I mean, I, it's just, I was more, it's not like it was the sexist thing. It was just like, 52 00:04:33.840 --> 00:04:39.200 I was more comfortable with guys. And so it just ended up naturally happening that way. And so, 53 00:04:39.200 --> 00:04:43.040 and I never had, I never had trainers leave and steal clients. Like I never had any of those things 54 00:04:43.040 --> 00:04:48.320 happen because the entire organization ran off respect, right? And the things that I've learned 55 00:04:48.320 --> 00:04:55.360 about respect is that it has to be given before it's, before it's received. And, and, and, and you 56 00:04:55.360 --> 00:05:01.120 have to set that tone in the initial conversation. And so like if, if someone's first day or first 57 00:05:01.120 --> 00:05:06.640 interaction with you, they come in and it's two minutes late. If you're just like, please don't be 58 00:05:06.640 --> 00:05:11.360 late again. I won't be late for you. Like it automatically sets it tone because they're like, wow, 59 00:05:11.360 --> 00:05:16.320 like, and, but I respected them by being on time. And they didn't respect me by not being on time. 60 00:05:16.320 --> 00:05:21.200 And so it's like, you set this tone immediately and you make these minor corrections and you don't 61 00:05:21.200 --> 00:05:26.800 tolerate times where there's minor points of disrespect and you point it out to the person so 62 00:05:26.800 --> 00:05:31.760 that they understand where you're coming from. And what is happening is that you raise the 63 00:05:31.760 --> 00:05:38.640 expectations, you raise the bar of the relationship. And then as a result, respect follows. And so this 64 00:05:38.640 --> 00:05:42.160 has been something I'm probably going to dive more even deeper on because it's like it's really 65 00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:46.800 messing with my head because I want to be able to impart this to, you know, the leaders of the 66 00:05:46.800 --> 00:05:50.880 company and then the managers in our company and everything is like, how do we, how do we gain 67 00:05:50.880 --> 00:05:59.120 that? And so a lot of times respect is also earned from sacrifice. And so if you want, especially like 68 00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:05.200 in the world of men, at least in my belief, is that if you want someone's respect, you have to do 69 00:06:05.200 --> 00:06:13.280 things for them that they wouldn't expect you to do. Right. And so for example, I'm just giving 70 00:06:13.440 --> 00:06:18.000 you an example from like the world of pledging, right. And the reason I'm using that is because it was 71 00:06:18.000 --> 00:06:21.920 a short period of time where you rapidly, you're introduced into a new environment and you want to 72 00:06:21.920 --> 00:06:26.080 rapidly gain respect, right. That was kind of the environment. So deconstructing like with the 73 00:06:26.080 --> 00:06:30.960 actions word in order to gain that, right. And the way to do that in that environment was do more 74 00:06:30.960 --> 00:06:37.600 than anyone else would offer to give more far past what was average or what was the most, 75 00:06:37.600 --> 00:06:42.480 but just give everything to the cause that benefited the whole group. And so if you sacrifice 76 00:06:42.480 --> 00:06:48.080 yourself and say, no, guys, like, I know you all have some tests tomorrow, like, I'll work late 77 00:06:48.080 --> 00:06:53.440 tonight. Like don't worry about it. Like, it's fine. And consistently putting the group first 78 00:06:54.320 --> 00:06:59.840 is what gains you respect, right. And so I feel like there's so many little micro points and so 79 00:06:59.840 --> 00:07:04.560 many like micro experiences that I've had that have like, I like put that in my like respect playbook 80 00:07:04.560 --> 00:07:10.400 of like, oh, okay, like whenever there's a little issue that comes up that's that's either 81 00:07:10.400 --> 00:07:17.200 disrespect from me or them, like, announce it, right. Or if I ever disrespect someone else, 82 00:07:17.200 --> 00:07:21.680 for example, and by being too minutes late, the first thing I'll say is like, first off, I'm at 83 00:07:21.680 --> 00:07:26.080 no disrespect by being too minutes late. I didn't want to disrespect your time. I totally lost track 84 00:07:26.080 --> 00:07:30.400 and I apologize. And I can't tell you how many times I've had like this things happen, right. And I 85 00:07:30.400 --> 00:07:35.200 mean, I try to always be on time. But even if you're too minutes late or a minute late, right. 86 00:07:35.840 --> 00:07:40.560 If you start a conversation like that with a vendor or a new employee or anything, I can't tell 87 00:07:40.560 --> 00:07:45.600 you the amount of times that people are taking it back and they're like, oh, thanks. Like, no, 88 00:07:45.600 --> 00:07:50.160 but I appreciate that. But no. And so there's a immediate level of respect of like this person's 89 00:07:50.160 --> 00:07:54.960 respecting my time. I'm going to respect his time back. And so that was like one little note in 90 00:07:54.960 --> 00:07:59.840 the respect playbook. You know what I mean? Like, try and see if there's ways that I can sacrifice 91 00:07:59.840 --> 00:08:04.800 for the group. So if I'm on a sales team, right. Like, I'll be like, guys, I'll work the weekends. 92 00:08:04.800 --> 00:08:08.720 I'll take the late shifts. Like, don't worry about it. I got this. And then like, I'll wake up 93 00:08:08.720 --> 00:08:12.720 earlier. And then the thing is is that people see that effort and they're like, man, like, 94 00:08:13.280 --> 00:08:18.480 I respect that guy. Like I respect his hustle, right. And so there's probably different elements of 95 00:08:18.480 --> 00:08:22.160 things that people respect about you. Like, maybe you're like that and work, but you're a horrible 96 00:08:22.160 --> 00:08:25.520 husband and people know that. But like, they're like, I don't respect that about him. And so there's 97 00:08:25.520 --> 00:08:29.360 even more, you know, facets, which is kind of bringing in what Layla says where you have to lead 98 00:08:29.440 --> 00:08:33.680 what you live or live what you whatever that lead what you live or live what you lead. But 99 00:08:34.400 --> 00:08:40.720 if people see like people want people want to respect someone and they just are waiting for 100 00:08:40.720 --> 00:08:47.440 reasons not to. And I think that if you if you try and live the same life in secret or in private 101 00:08:47.440 --> 00:08:53.920 as you do in public, then there's no there's no inconsistencies between the two. And people can see 102 00:08:53.920 --> 00:08:58.000 that because at the end of the day, like, everything always comes out. Like the truth always comes out. 103 00:08:58.000 --> 00:09:02.880 And so if you try and live that truth and when you know you're you mess up, you own that people 104 00:09:02.880 --> 00:09:07.440 respect you for it because like, I mean, I'm million people who said this, but like, like, 105 00:09:07.440 --> 00:09:12.640 Eminem, if you can own your flaws and know that and then continue to work on them and people see 106 00:09:12.640 --> 00:09:16.880 work on them, they respect you more for it than trying to posture and say, like, I don't have them 107 00:09:16.880 --> 00:09:21.840 because we all have flaws, right. And so like, these are just some of the things that have come up, 108 00:09:22.720 --> 00:09:28.160 and trying to reverse engineer this because I want my entire company to be, you know, 109 00:09:28.160 --> 00:09:33.040 run based off of respect. And I probably lean too much in that direction because that's what I 110 00:09:33.040 --> 00:09:38.160 was raised in. You know, I mean, Middle Eastern family, like, it's all on respect, right? Like, 111 00:09:38.160 --> 00:09:43.680 I, I, the test that they took in the love and respect, which is really, really interesting, 112 00:09:44.400 --> 00:09:49.680 is they have one question that they ask men and women and they do this is kind of like the onset 113 00:09:49.680 --> 00:09:55.760 of the entire seminar, which is if you could, like, I'm butchering the question, but if you could 114 00:09:55.760 --> 00:10:02.560 be loved by everyone, right, but, but no one respected you for the rest of your life, would you 115 00:10:02.560 --> 00:10:10.000 prefer that or everyone respects you but have no love, which you would you prefer, right? And 116 00:10:10.000 --> 00:10:16.240 it's like 80% of men say they would prefer to be respected and not loved and like 80% of women 117 00:10:16.320 --> 00:10:20.880 are like I would prefer to be loved and not respected. And so it's just an interesting dichotomy 118 00:10:20.880 --> 00:10:27.200 between like how men and women in general tend to respond to things. And so I'm like, I consistently 119 00:10:27.200 --> 00:10:30.320 obsessed about this because it's probably been the primary driver of like how I want all my 120 00:10:30.320 --> 00:10:35.280 relationships and my life to work is based on respect and respect is mutual. It's two ways, right? 121 00:10:35.280 --> 00:10:39.840 And it's just like most things you have to give it before you get it and the way to consistently 122 00:10:39.840 --> 00:10:44.480 get it and keep it as to consistently sacrifice for the good of the whole. And I think that's probably 123 00:10:44.560 --> 00:10:51.600 the biggest piece is sacrificing and putting the whole before yourself. And I think when and doing 124 00:10:51.600 --> 00:10:57.920 that not just in front of people, but especially behind closed doors, because I think when I was younger 125 00:10:57.920 --> 00:11:02.720 and I wanted to gain respect, I always was trying to do it in places where people would see it. 126 00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:10.480 And then I realized a much later on that I got so much more respect when people would 127 00:11:11.120 --> 00:11:17.360 would notice things that they knew I didn't that they would notice things that I had done 128 00:11:17.920 --> 00:11:24.640 that they knew that wasn't visual or wasn't public. And then they would tell other people about it. 129 00:11:25.120 --> 00:11:30.320 Right? And so it's kind of like coming into the party and saying like, we've got a business 130 00:11:30.320 --> 00:11:36.320 that does X, Y and Z and blah blah blah love versus you coming into conversation with someone 131 00:11:36.320 --> 00:11:41.440 and having them posture against you and say like, well, we've got a seven-figure business, 132 00:11:41.440 --> 00:11:45.680 right? Whatever. And you're like, that's amazing dude, good for you. Like, you know, what are you 133 00:11:45.680 --> 00:11:49.760 doing? And just being interested in them and whatnot and letting them just like beat their chest. 134 00:11:49.760 --> 00:11:53.840 And then what happens is they leave and then someone else comes up and is like, dude, you know 135 00:11:53.840 --> 00:11:59.360 that is? And they're like, no, and they're like, oh, that guy does X, Y and Z. And then all of a sudden 136 00:11:59.360 --> 00:12:06.240 in that dynamic, that first person who was bragging feels like a fool, right? And so immediately 137 00:12:06.800 --> 00:12:10.640 it's the things that other people say that are going to gain you form more than anything you can 138 00:12:10.640 --> 00:12:14.080 say. And so it's like, if you want other people to say the things that you want them to say, 139 00:12:14.080 --> 00:12:18.080 what do we have to do in order to get them to say those things? And so like making that 140 00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:22.640 realization for me was a huge kind of breakthrough for me because then it stopped being like about 141 00:12:22.640 --> 00:12:28.320 posturing publicly, but about posturing privately. And then what happens is, and this is like kind of 142 00:12:28.320 --> 00:12:33.120 the funny part is if you start doing the things almost from an external standpoint because you 143 00:12:33.120 --> 00:12:38.080 selflessly want to be respected, but you're doing the things in private in order to do that, 144 00:12:38.080 --> 00:12:41.680 then all of a sudden you start to change your identity because what you're doing in private 145 00:12:42.480 --> 00:12:49.120 is respectable. And so in a weird way, you kind of push out the things that are not respectable 146 00:12:49.120 --> 00:12:54.560 that you do in your life. And so like, and one of the biggest things when I was like really like 147 00:12:54.560 --> 00:12:58.160 dealing with the demons that I had earlier on in life was understanding the concept of shame, 148 00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:03.040 right? So if like the respect is what the goal is, the opposite of that is shame and embarrassment. 149 00:13:03.600 --> 00:13:08.720 And so a lot of times, I think that people were like, man, Alex is so real. I mean, I just see 150 00:13:08.720 --> 00:13:14.240 this in the comments and whatnot on like the podcast and like I appreciate it. But I think it was 151 00:13:14.240 --> 00:13:20.400 it was really hard for me to like when you own your flaws, it's the thing that you're most afraid 152 00:13:20.400 --> 00:13:26.000 to say out loud is the things that you suck at because you're ashamed of it. But when you take 153 00:13:26.800 --> 00:13:30.320 the things that you're ashamed of and you bring them to the light, all of a sudden, 154 00:13:30.880 --> 00:13:36.320 what used to be perceived as shame is perceived as strength. And it's really interesting just 155 00:13:36.320 --> 00:13:41.520 understanding that like the things that I was ashamed of that I've done and that I've said and 156 00:13:41.520 --> 00:13:46.560 how I've acted when brought into the light like they only give you shame, they only take up your 157 00:13:46.560 --> 00:13:51.440 attention in your headspace when you try and hide it. But when you bring into the light and you 158 00:13:51.440 --> 00:13:56.800 talk about it, then people respect you for it. And it's just this really interesting thing because 159 00:13:56.800 --> 00:14:00.960 I think on some level, we all are like that. But then you respect the person who had to 160 00:14:00.960 --> 00:14:06.880 courage to do it. And so like in the in the respect clay book, it's like set the tone, always 161 00:14:06.880 --> 00:14:12.480 not disrespect people, sacrifice for the good of the whole, lead what you live, like do the things 162 00:14:12.480 --> 00:14:17.120 in the backgrounds and in the shadows that people would think respectable and will talk about you. 163 00:14:17.200 --> 00:14:22.400 And then the one that I just said, and then like own your flaws and bring them out publicly so 164 00:14:22.400 --> 00:14:28.880 that the things that you're ashamed of actually become the things that people perceive as your strengths. 165 00:14:29.680 --> 00:14:35.600 And so like going through this and like you don't even like and this playbook is like lengthened 166 00:14:35.600 --> 00:14:40.080 over time, but there's this like this, I didn't know what direction this was going to go in. But 167 00:14:40.640 --> 00:14:45.760 trying to understand that triangle of fear, love, and respect and sitting in the 168 00:14:45.760 --> 00:14:51.600 dot in the middle because like there is an element of fear when it comes to leadership, right? Like 169 00:14:51.600 --> 00:14:56.080 if you think about, and so even if you're not religious or whatever, if you think about the 170 00:14:56.080 --> 00:14:59.920 relationship that most people would have with their creator, whatever the omnipotent like being in 171 00:14:59.920 --> 00:15:07.680 their life is, there's three elements. It's not just love. It's not just fear. It's not just respect. 172 00:15:07.680 --> 00:15:14.400 It's all three, right? And it's kind of like this melting pot of those three emotions. And then the 173 00:15:14.400 --> 00:15:18.880 actions that happen as a result of that are the things that happen between. If you have the 174 00:15:18.880 --> 00:15:25.040 respect and the love, that's where you're loyal. You have the fear and the love, that's where you 175 00:15:25.040 --> 00:15:30.640 sacrifice. And when you have fear and respect, you're obedient, right? And so you see these three 176 00:15:30.640 --> 00:15:36.400 triangles and the actions that exist between each of those those binaries of the emotion on that 177 00:15:36.400 --> 00:15:41.760 triangle plane. And that's how you can get those behaviors just by having all three of those 178 00:15:41.760 --> 00:15:46.800 things. And so if you're like, I feel like I have no loyalty in my organization, right? Then it 179 00:15:46.800 --> 00:15:51.520 means that they don't that you probably don't have the balance of respect and love, right? And so 180 00:15:51.520 --> 00:15:59.280 I think you get loyalty because people see that you're making the decisions not only out of 181 00:15:59.280 --> 00:16:05.440 respect for the company, but also out of love for the individual. Like people like sometimes I don't 182 00:16:05.440 --> 00:16:11.600 attract women, I think, because I can be perceived as abrasive, right? Very direct. And so sometimes 183 00:16:11.600 --> 00:16:15.840 that doesn't sit well with people who kind of like just walk into our environment like it's a wall, 184 00:16:15.840 --> 00:16:21.920 right? But I think that that loyalty lives there because we're always trying to think like if I'm 185 00:16:21.920 --> 00:16:26.640 making the decision like, is this loving this person, is this actually this person's best interest? 186 00:16:26.640 --> 00:16:31.120 And that's why parenting is so different than being someone's friend, right? Like we have to do 187 00:16:31.120 --> 00:16:35.440 these things. And like I'm saying this not as a parent, but I feel like when you run an organization, 188 00:16:35.520 --> 00:16:42.720 like in some ways, the relationships are very similar is like, I need to foster this person and 189 00:16:42.720 --> 00:16:49.920 balance the stick and the carrot, you know what I mean? Of love and fear and balance this because 190 00:16:49.920 --> 00:16:54.640 I truly want the best for the individual. Now, if you don't have that in mind, if people don't 191 00:16:54.640 --> 00:16:57.840 think you have their best interest in mind and the secret to having people think you have their 192 00:16:57.840 --> 00:17:03.040 best interest in mind is to actually have the best interest in mind, right? And so if they don't 193 00:17:03.040 --> 00:17:06.800 feel like you have that, then you may have their respect but not their love and so then you don't 194 00:17:06.800 --> 00:17:11.680 have loyalty, right? And so if you have people constantly leaving your organization, that's what it is, 195 00:17:11.680 --> 00:17:18.080 right? And if you, if you, if you have people who like don't respect you, right? And like 196 00:17:18.080 --> 00:17:22.320 talk shit behind your back. And when you make, when you make statements and whatnot, they're like, 197 00:17:22.320 --> 00:17:28.640 they roll their eyes or whatever, then it means you might not have fear, right? And so like it's, 198 00:17:28.720 --> 00:17:33.840 it's constantly balancing between these three forces in order to get, you know, the behavior 199 00:17:33.840 --> 00:17:38.800 that's desired and obviously we're human and we're flawed and sometimes I lean too much towards fear. 200 00:17:38.800 --> 00:17:43.280 I'll be real with you. Like I, there's probably a lot of people in my company that on some level fear 201 00:17:43.280 --> 00:17:47.920 me and I know them, you know what I mean? I understand that. And I'm not going to say that I don't 202 00:17:47.920 --> 00:17:52.560 sometimes foster that a little bit because it's good to make sure everyone knows you still have 203 00:17:52.560 --> 00:17:57.520 teeth that like expectations are still expected to be met because if you don't have the fear that it 204 00:17:57.520 --> 00:18:02.720 means you don't have accountability. There's no consequences, right? And so there has to be that 205 00:18:02.720 --> 00:18:10.160 balance of like I love you. I need you like I want to foster you. I want to grow you. But there are 206 00:18:10.160 --> 00:18:17.040 expectations. And after a certain point, it goes from love to fear, right? There are going to be teeth 207 00:18:17.040 --> 00:18:22.720 that come out as a result of this relationship. And if you can't do that, then that's when you lose 208 00:18:22.720 --> 00:18:30.080 respect, right? From that team or that employee, et cetera. And so it's this triad. And there may be 209 00:18:30.080 --> 00:18:34.240 even more dimensions to it. I don't know. This is just like I'm articulating it because I know that 210 00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:39.760 I've had a lot of people ask me about it. And it's just such a complex emotion to be able to get 211 00:18:39.760 --> 00:18:44.640 from people. And I don't think it's one trick because of it where everyone would do it. But I think 212 00:18:44.640 --> 00:18:49.040 it's like kind of the embodiment of all of the way that you treat other people and the things that you 213 00:18:49.120 --> 00:18:55.520 do in the dark, how you articulate those things and honestly, how you live your life. And so when people 214 00:18:55.520 --> 00:19:00.080 want to have like, I think the combination of perfect leadership and have the loyalty and the 215 00:19:00.080 --> 00:19:04.400 obedience and the sacrifice and the love and fear and their respect from their teams so that they 216 00:19:04.400 --> 00:19:09.760 can ultimately lead an influence and organization. It's because they lack some of those things, 217 00:19:09.760 --> 00:19:15.680 right? Like you won't have fear if you never hold people accountable or enforce rules for real, 218 00:19:15.920 --> 00:19:20.880 right? If you don't enforce, then you have no fear, which is important because that's what moves people, 219 00:19:20.880 --> 00:19:26.560 right? If you don't care for the individuals, right, you'll lose loyalty because they think that 220 00:19:26.560 --> 00:19:30.320 you don't actually care about them and it's only about you or it's only about the business, 221 00:19:30.320 --> 00:19:34.560 which means that the first chance and they're going to go care about themselves and not you or the 222 00:19:34.560 --> 00:19:40.640 business because they're just going to mirror back what you're showing them, right? And then 223 00:19:41.360 --> 00:19:46.320 the same thing with respect, which I think a lot of times comes from sacrifice, right, is that if 224 00:19:46.320 --> 00:19:50.000 they feel like you're not willing to do things for the organization that you're asking them to do, 225 00:19:50.640 --> 00:19:56.000 then they're not going to do it for the organization either, right? And I think that to a certain 226 00:19:56.000 --> 00:20:02.240 degree, a lot of people like, I've always felt like it was easier to ask someone to do something 227 00:20:02.240 --> 00:20:07.680 that they know beyond a shadow of a doubt I would do five times more, right? And then it just, 228 00:20:07.680 --> 00:20:11.520 it just gives you a high ground from that conversation and maybe there's other ways to do it. Like, 229 00:20:11.520 --> 00:20:16.800 I mean, I don't know, but at least for me, for my life, up to this point in my life, 230 00:20:17.440 --> 00:20:22.880 I know that I can speak confidently and saying that most people in the organization don't think that 231 00:20:22.880 --> 00:20:29.200 I slack, right? They don't think that I hold that I that I would hold myself to a lower standard 232 00:20:29.200 --> 00:20:34.480 than I would hold them. And so I think that that's one of the keys is like, if you want to hold 233 00:20:34.480 --> 00:20:40.400 people to a high standard, a really high standard, then you in honest or in earnest have to hold 234 00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:45.280 yourself to an even higher standard. And that has to be real. And that means that like that video that 235 00:20:45.280 --> 00:20:49.040 I made about tradeoffs of like, what if you're going to hold some this standard and you want to hold 236 00:20:49.040 --> 00:20:52.400 yourself to a higher standard, are you being real about that? Is that actually the standard you're 237 00:20:52.400 --> 00:20:57.040 holding yourself to? And if you're not, then that's where they lose respect. Because the moment you 238 00:20:57.040 --> 00:21:02.480 ask more from someone else than you ask from yourself, you lose respect, right? And so if it's like, 239 00:21:02.480 --> 00:21:06.640 man, it seems so hard to balance all these things. I think it's true. It's right. That is hard. 240 00:21:06.640 --> 00:21:11.120 And that's why most people can't do it. And that's why most people don't lead, right? And 241 00:21:11.120 --> 00:21:15.280 the degree to which you lead and the size of the organization that you're able to lead or the size 242 00:21:15.280 --> 00:21:19.600 of the movement that you're able to lead, I think it's directly proportional to how deep each of 243 00:21:19.600 --> 00:21:26.720 those three roots of the triangle run, right? How how hard do people think you can go from a fear side? 244 00:21:27.280 --> 00:21:32.240 Like how much judgment they do, they think that you can you can dish out if it came to it. 245 00:21:32.800 --> 00:21:36.640 How much sacrifice from the respect side? Do they think that you would give 246 00:21:37.360 --> 00:21:42.720 to to better the entire community to better the entire organization? What would you give up 247 00:21:43.360 --> 00:21:48.320 for not your own self interest, but for the good of the whole, right? Like when we talk to our 248 00:21:48.320 --> 00:21:52.720 general arts community, and I say like we haven't taken a paycheck and we're putting everything 249 00:21:52.720 --> 00:21:57.360 into building what we think is going to be the future of the gym industry. Like it's not 250 00:21:57.360 --> 00:22:02.400 semantics. Like we're doing that. And it's not doing it to gain respect. It's doing it because I 251 00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:06.240 think that's what's right. And I think that we've been given a lot. And to be stewards of that, 252 00:22:06.240 --> 00:22:11.120 I want to do much has been given, much has expected. And I think we've been given a shitload. So 253 00:22:11.120 --> 00:22:17.360 that there's a lot of expectation, right? Real quick guys, if you can think about how you found 254 00:22:17.360 --> 00:22:22.320 this podcast, somebody probably tweeted it, told you about it, shared it on Instagram or something 255 00:22:22.400 --> 00:22:27.120 like that. The only way this grows is through word of mouth. And so I don't run ads. I don't do 256 00:22:27.120 --> 00:22:31.280 sponsorships. I don't sell anything. My only ask is that you continue to pay it forward. Do 257 00:22:31.280 --> 00:22:35.040 whoever showed you or however you found out about this podcast that you do the exact same thing. 258 00:22:35.040 --> 00:22:39.120 So if it was a review, if it was a post, if you do that, it would mean the world to me and you'll 259 00:22:39.120 --> 00:22:44.240 throw some good karma out there for another entrepreneur. And if you feel like someone else above 260 00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:48.560 you is always expecting more from you than anyone else, right? And you think about all the things 261 00:22:48.560 --> 00:22:52.400 that were given, I think it shifts your perspective in terms of what is expected of yourself. 262 00:22:52.400 --> 00:22:55.760 And so that allows you to race the bar beyond what most humans would be able to be capable of 263 00:22:55.760 --> 00:23:01.600 because it's not from here, right? If that makes sense. And so the last piece is the love piece. 264 00:23:01.600 --> 00:23:06.880 And so how deep does your love run, right? For the individuals that are in your organization. And 265 00:23:06.880 --> 00:23:12.320 I think that comes from like truly loving people, but truly loving people isn't being soft. 266 00:23:12.320 --> 00:23:16.720 You know what I mean? It's knowing the difference of like, is this the type of person? Because 267 00:23:17.440 --> 00:23:20.720 everyone here who has kids, and I don't have kids, but I know that I'm probably going to 268 00:23:21.440 --> 00:23:26.720 father them this way, is like, there's like, I have some, like, the sales team responds very 269 00:23:26.720 --> 00:23:33.040 differently than, than, you know, than marketing. Very different. You know, very, I've got a bunch of, 270 00:23:33.040 --> 00:23:40.080 you know, more creative people there. And like, like, they're not the type of people that need like 271 00:23:40.080 --> 00:23:45.600 fear, you know what I mean? Because they're like salespeople in general tend to be more alpha, 272 00:23:45.600 --> 00:23:48.560 more pushing the envelope always. And that's good because that's what they need. They need that 273 00:23:48.560 --> 00:23:53.360 characteristic in order to succeed, right? But in order to run that team, it needs a very different 274 00:23:53.360 --> 00:23:57.760 leader and leadership style than running a marketing team, right? Which have, you have to 275 00:23:57.760 --> 00:24:04.560 like, you can't have a lot of creativity in the environment of fear, right? And so it's balancing 276 00:24:04.560 --> 00:24:09.440 the needs of the individual and deeply caring about them in reality because you want what's best 277 00:24:09.440 --> 00:24:14.080 for them. And sometimes it's best for them is not working for your company and being honest about 278 00:24:14.240 --> 00:24:18.720 that with them. So it's like, I care about you. And in this point in your life, you may or may not 279 00:24:18.720 --> 00:24:24.160 believe me, but I know that later on, you making the perspective to see what I'm doing right now. 280 00:24:24.160 --> 00:24:28.160 And you'll think before it. And I can't tell you how many times I've had that conversation 281 00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:34.000 with people. And then later, had them come back and be like, you were done on, like, I wasn't ready 282 00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:39.040 for that at that point. And I just want to say thanks. And, and, and I think as the leader, you have 283 00:24:39.040 --> 00:24:44.640 to be willing to not be liked in the moment to do what's right in the larger sense for the 284 00:24:44.640 --> 00:24:48.320 individual. And sometimes it's doing things that they don't even understand themselves. And I 285 00:24:48.320 --> 00:24:52.800 sometimes I think I zoom out and I think in context of like the things that I've suffered through 286 00:24:52.800 --> 00:24:57.360 in my life and thought in this moment or in that moment, I was, I struggled a ton with it. 287 00:24:57.360 --> 00:25:03.600 But then it made me stronger, right? What's it like? It either either, either like struggles either 288 00:25:03.600 --> 00:25:08.400 beat the strength out of you or beat it into you. I kind of like that saying. And so I think that 289 00:25:08.640 --> 00:25:13.040 when you think about those in context, they make us, you know, those experiences make us who we are. 290 00:25:13.040 --> 00:25:16.640 And if we're going to be the person who's delivering those experiences to someone else, 291 00:25:16.640 --> 00:25:20.720 you have to do it from a position of love of truly loving the person. And what you, 292 00:25:20.720 --> 00:25:25.440 what you hope that they can become, whether it's with you or without you. And so that's, 293 00:25:25.440 --> 00:25:29.760 it's like that's the, that's the triad, right? That's the triad between those three things so that 294 00:25:29.760 --> 00:25:34.320 you can have the love, the respect and the fear of all of the people in your organization so that 295 00:25:34.320 --> 00:25:39.040 you can have the loyalty and the sacrifice and the you, and I don't like the word obedience because 296 00:25:39.040 --> 00:25:44.160 I think it has a very negative connotation. But like, in a lot of ways, like the word is obedience, 297 00:25:44.160 --> 00:25:48.320 like it's, you know, when you have, if you have a directive, like, it needs to be followed, 298 00:25:48.320 --> 00:25:53.200 right? And so maybe a better word would be like, buy-in. You know, I mean, that would probably be 299 00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:57.280 like the socially accepted word, but like, I like the word obedience because I think, I think it 300 00:25:57.280 --> 00:26:03.040 carries, it's real. You know what I mean? It's real. And a lot of a lot of obedience also comes from, 301 00:26:03.760 --> 00:26:08.000 I respect you enough. I admire you enough. I admire your achievements. I admire what you're 302 00:26:08.000 --> 00:26:15.120 willing to give up that I will take what you see and understand that I don't see the whole playing 303 00:26:15.120 --> 00:26:20.400 field, right? Which is why I was really drawn to the military and it was a really hard decision. 304 00:26:20.400 --> 00:26:23.680 And ultimately, both my parents were like, you know, like, we don't want you to go there, 305 00:26:23.680 --> 00:26:27.600 like they had all their fears and all that stuff. But I think I really would have loved the 306 00:26:27.600 --> 00:26:30.720 military to be honest with you. But I just ended up not doing that direction of mine, 307 00:26:30.720 --> 00:26:34.240 I thought of a tremendous amount of respect for it. And in those organizations, 308 00:26:35.200 --> 00:26:42.000 it's so indoctrinated and so clear to everyone that like, you don't see the greater good, 309 00:26:42.000 --> 00:26:46.880 you don't see the whole battlefield, right? You see your peace and you need to execute. And then 310 00:26:46.880 --> 00:26:52.160 when that happens, the whole is better. And that's why military organizations are runoff respect, 311 00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:59.360 right? And loyalty because and sacrifice. And so that, like those characteristics are more 312 00:26:59.440 --> 00:27:04.080 alive because it's mostly a male organization and they understand it better than anyone, 313 00:27:04.080 --> 00:27:08.240 is that respect is what runs that them, right? That whole organization has runoff respect. 314 00:27:08.800 --> 00:27:15.840 And so anyways, the circle is holding back. If if you were trying to lead and you're struggling 315 00:27:15.840 --> 00:27:20.240 to lead and you're struggling to get the respect and ultimately the obedience and the execution 316 00:27:20.240 --> 00:27:24.480 and the buy-in from your team when you need to make the hard calls about the business or about 317 00:27:24.480 --> 00:27:32.080 changes that happen, look at those three and think, which of these am I lacking? Am I lacking the 318 00:27:32.080 --> 00:27:37.200 enforcement from the fear side? Have I said expectations and said, this is where we need to go 319 00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:40.320 and then not follow through and not have repercussions when we didn't hit it? 320 00:27:40.880 --> 00:27:45.680 Did have I have I been asking? So from a respects standpoint, have I been asking things 321 00:27:45.680 --> 00:27:50.320 of other people that I wouldn't do myself or that they don't believe that I would do myself? 322 00:27:50.400 --> 00:27:56.000 Am I like am I willing to sacrifice or asking them to sacrifice things that I'm not sacrificing 323 00:27:56.000 --> 00:28:00.800 for respect? For love, do the people that are in my organization feel like genuinely care about 324 00:28:00.800 --> 00:28:05.520 them in a deep sense, not on a peripheral coddling sense, but like really truly care about the 325 00:28:05.520 --> 00:28:10.000 individual, which sometimes means doing things that aren't fun for them because you care about 326 00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:14.080 their greater good and not just a moment. And so I think that if you look at those three things, 327 00:28:14.080 --> 00:28:17.840 you'll be able to dissect your leadership style and be able to see where the deficiencies are 328 00:28:17.920 --> 00:28:23.360 in where you have and then kind of go through that respect playbook to get to where you want to go. 329 00:28:23.360 --> 00:28:27.840 So anyways, I hope this was valuable for you. This was just like this melting pot of all these 330 00:28:27.840 --> 00:28:32.000 different concepts in my head that kind of came together to this, you know, if you found this 331 00:28:32.000 --> 00:28:36.240 valuable, throw a like, throw a comment, I'd love to have your opinion. If you like some of this 332 00:28:36.240 --> 00:28:40.240 stuff or you like like more of this kind of direction, I don't talk about leadership a ton. 333 00:28:40.240 --> 00:28:44.080 I talk way more about like, you know, business and money stuff, but I think that it's important 334 00:28:44.080 --> 00:28:48.800 and I think that it underlies being able to execute anything is because efforts not you any more 335 00:28:48.800 --> 00:28:54.080 and you have a team than you have an entire team of people that you have to get to do what is best 336 00:28:54.080 --> 00:29:03.680 for the business and the way to do that is through leading.