WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.880
When we have a pursuit of a husband or a wife even more so, we have to look at the facts

2
00:00:04.880 --> 00:00:09.280
and we have to be surrounded by people that can lovingly correct us and hold us accountable.

3
00:00:09.280 --> 00:00:14.480
We have to keep our heart posture in alignment with God's will and understand the desires

4
00:00:14.480 --> 00:00:19.280
that He has for our future marriage and how that is going to bless the Kingdom of God

5
00:00:19.280 --> 00:00:23.520
and bless it so that the gospel is going to have free course to go on.

6
00:00:23.520 --> 00:00:26.160
First of all, most through the family that you create.

7
00:00:26.160 --> 00:00:28.560
Welcome to the City Light Church podcast.

8
00:00:28.560 --> 00:00:35.520
Thanks for joining us today as we look into God's Word and discover the hope and truth that He has for us.

9
00:00:35.520 --> 00:00:41.360
If you want to connect with City Light Church, feel free to visit us at citylightnyc.com.

10
00:00:41.360 --> 00:00:44.720
That's citylightnyc.com.

11
00:00:44.720 --> 00:00:52.480
Pastor Boyan Jansik and his team believe that the power of the Holy Spirit is already working in our hearts and minds.

12
00:00:52.480 --> 00:00:57.360
As you listen to today's teaching, remember that you are deeply loved by God.

13
00:00:57.440 --> 00:01:02.640
That you are surrounded by His grace and that He has a real hope and a future for you.

14
00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:08.800
My name is Muhammad Wari and one of the pastors here at City Light Church.

15
00:01:09.680 --> 00:01:13.120
Again, we just want to greet you as we welcome the love of God in this place.

16
00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:18.000
Now, I don't want to take any time because we got a lot to go through today,

17
00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:22.080
so I just want to dive right into it. Sounds good? Let's jump into the Word of God.

18
00:01:22.080 --> 00:01:26.640
So today, I want to talk about navigating romance.

19
00:01:30.800 --> 00:01:34.240
I don't know who whistle that that picture, but my wife is in the back. Don't get yourself in trouble.

20
00:01:38.160 --> 00:01:40.720
Even more sounding like a male whistle, so I'm going to leave that right there.

21
00:01:40.960 --> 00:01:53.840
So in today's day and age, it is very difficult to navigate going from being a single to getting a

22
00:01:54.560 --> 00:02:02.560
boothang, to getting engaged, to getting married, and I just want to help a little bit and walking

23
00:02:02.560 --> 00:02:07.760
people through that process. Now, before we take any steps further, married people.

24
00:02:07.840 --> 00:02:15.200
Don't check out. A lot of you thinking to yourselves, well, listen, I didn't got mine, so

25
00:02:16.400 --> 00:02:20.160
what does brunch plan looking like? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, because here's the thing.

26
00:02:20.160 --> 00:02:25.840
A lot of us, we weren't instructed exactly on how to get a mate of the godly sort.

27
00:02:25.840 --> 00:02:30.160
So sometimes either you are married to an unbeliever or you are married to somebody who,

28
00:02:31.200 --> 00:02:34.320
you know, with the knowledge that you'll gain today, if you had the right information,

29
00:02:34.320 --> 00:02:40.320
you're probably wouldn't have married. Okay, let me just, and I say that, and guess what,

30
00:02:40.320 --> 00:02:44.880
it's okay. I don't need you to hit the abort button now because you've heard one message,

31
00:02:44.880 --> 00:02:49.840
because even Paul speaks about this. He says, listen, if you are married to an unbeliever

32
00:02:49.840 --> 00:02:54.560
and they are willing to stay with you, you stay because the Lord is able to sanctify your

33
00:02:54.560 --> 00:03:00.000
marriage and your children and your future. He's able to work together for good. Amen?

34
00:03:00.000 --> 00:03:05.920
Now, for those of you who are not married, I just want to give you some steps so that, you know,

35
00:03:06.880 --> 00:03:13.040
you can be successful. Sounds good? All right, so marry people, you've been warned, we'll carve you

36
00:03:13.040 --> 00:03:19.600
up next time. Hopefully we get a part two for this, navigating romance for the married folk.

37
00:03:23.600 --> 00:03:28.960
Okay, so first of all, we don't see dating anywhere in the Bible, so there's this understanding

38
00:03:28.960 --> 00:03:35.360
that as our generations change, so do some of the norms, but we can't take that and be push past

39
00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:41.760
holiness and outside of the will of God into sin. Why do I say that? Well, here's the thing.

40
00:03:43.440 --> 00:03:49.600
With each generation comes a new way of looking at things, but I have to give a little bit of a

41
00:03:49.600 --> 00:03:54.720
pushback towards that and that pushback comes directly from the scriptures. Let's go to Romans 12,

42
00:03:55.520 --> 00:04:03.440
12. Therefore, I urge you brothers and sisters in view of God's mercy to offer your bodies as a living

43
00:04:03.440 --> 00:04:10.960
sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God. This is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the

44
00:04:10.960 --> 00:04:16.640
pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to

45
00:04:16.640 --> 00:04:24.320
test and approve what God's will is. His good, pleasing and perfect will. Again, don't be conformed

46
00:04:24.320 --> 00:04:33.600
to the pattern of this world. You know with me? All right. So Matthew 19, 4 says this, and he answered,

47
00:04:33.600 --> 00:04:39.680
this is Jesus speaking by the way, and he answered and said to them, have you not read that he who

48
00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:44.400
made them at the beginning made the male and female and said, for this reason, a man shall leave his

49
00:04:44.400 --> 00:04:49.360
father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. So then they are

50
00:04:49.360 --> 00:04:55.120
no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together let not man separate.

51
00:04:57.680 --> 00:05:05.920
So we see that the marriage covenant or that marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman in

52
00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:16.800
the eyes of God. It's an unbreakable bond. Now, if you're a single and you're desiring marriage,

53
00:05:16.800 --> 00:05:24.400
you're desiring to be in this kingdom union that is going to further the plans of the will of the

54
00:05:24.400 --> 00:05:31.760
Lord on earth and you desire marriage, you desire a good thing. But before we take any steps further,

55
00:05:31.760 --> 00:05:39.280
before we crawl forward, I just have to ask a question, are you a man or a woman?

56
00:05:42.880 --> 00:05:48.720
Pastor James looks real nervous. Where are we going this morning?

57
00:05:50.320 --> 00:05:51.360
Well, here's the thing though.

58
00:05:51.440 --> 00:06:04.080
Don't be nervous. Marriages for men and women, correct? We know this from the scriptures.

59
00:06:04.640 --> 00:06:11.520
Say, amen, church. Okay, all right. The thing is, the Bible does not say that marriages for

60
00:06:11.520 --> 00:06:21.920
boys and girls. So are you a man or a boy? Are you a woman or are you a girl trying to play? Okay,

61
00:06:21.920 --> 00:06:31.760
let me. How about this? Song of Solomon 8.4. It says this, I charge you odors of Jerusalem. Do not

62
00:06:31.760 --> 00:06:42.320
stir up nor awaken love until it pleases. There are many singles today that desire fellowship,

63
00:06:42.320 --> 00:06:49.840
companionship, they desire a kingdom relationship. But the honest truth is they haven't asked a real

64
00:06:49.840 --> 00:07:03.360
question, are you marriageable? Because we know that we want to be with people.

65
00:07:05.360 --> 00:07:10.080
You know your friends that want to be with people. But have they asked the question,

66
00:07:10.400 --> 00:07:20.720
are you where you need to be? Yeah, it's quiet. Because we don't like questions like that,

67
00:07:20.720 --> 00:07:26.400
because that's a question that pokes and it prides and it really gets us to examine where we are in life.

68
00:07:26.400 --> 00:07:31.360
Are you just looking to get with somebody for whatever it is that you think you want?

69
00:07:31.840 --> 00:07:35.840
Somebody looking for pies and thighs in this place?

70
00:07:39.040 --> 00:07:44.000
Are you looking for godly relationship that furthers the kingdom of God?

71
00:07:46.000 --> 00:07:52.320
But the thing is you can only enter into that type of covenant arrangement if you're a man or

72
00:07:52.320 --> 00:07:58.480
a woman if you are counted among the mature. Are you mature? Are you marriageable?

73
00:08:00.240 --> 00:08:06.800
Do you have a whole host of unhealed trauma and brokenness that you haven't addressed and allowed

74
00:08:06.800 --> 00:08:14.160
the Lord in on? Because now you just want to hit your wagon with somebody else with all of your

75
00:08:14.160 --> 00:08:16.720
stuff and just put it on them. Is that what we're talking about?

76
00:08:29.120 --> 00:08:33.600
How do you deal with money? Are you broke busted and disgusted?

77
00:08:34.080 --> 00:08:38.880
Do you mismanage all of your money?

78
00:08:41.520 --> 00:08:49.280
So let me get this straight. You want me to give you my daughter when you are $80 million in debt.

79
00:08:51.680 --> 00:08:56.000
You got the GDP of small countries in debt and you're talking about let me have your daughter.

80
00:08:56.000 --> 00:08:57.680
I'll make sure to provide for both of us.

81
00:08:57.920 --> 00:09:04.480
Would he not going to like me the day past? They're not going to like me the day.

82
00:09:06.720 --> 00:09:09.360
You know why we really got to ask the question, are you marriageable?

83
00:09:09.360 --> 00:09:14.160
Because as someone I've been married at this August, I have been married for 10 years.

84
00:09:18.320 --> 00:09:20.800
Now I wish I could say all 10, I've been the perfect husband.

85
00:09:22.640 --> 00:09:23.360
It's been about...

86
00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:27.040
It was a rocky start, guys. It was a rocky start.

87
00:09:27.040 --> 00:09:31.920
It was a rocky middle where the Lord is shaping me out as we go.

88
00:09:31.920 --> 00:09:35.600
Amen? No, no, I'm talking to her. Amen?

89
00:09:35.600 --> 00:09:40.640
You know, you got to check in. My wife is in the building. Got her.

90
00:09:40.640 --> 00:09:45.600
Okay. She's the only reason she's not sitting in the front because she got the baby in back.

91
00:09:45.600 --> 00:09:48.960
She's trying to be respectful to the service. Amen. You got to check in.

92
00:09:54.000 --> 00:09:56.720
But the reason we have to ask the question, are you marriageable?

93
00:09:58.000 --> 00:09:59.760
Is because marriage is a petri dish.

94
00:10:00.800 --> 00:10:04.960
If nobody ever told you before, marriage is a petri dish that grows the love of God.

95
00:10:06.720 --> 00:10:11.200
Listen, I've been married for 10 years and I've learned from experience

96
00:10:12.720 --> 00:10:15.440
that you are not as all that as you think you are.

97
00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:22.800
You have idiosyncrasies and little ways about you that will annoy the hell out of somebody.

98
00:10:23.680 --> 00:10:27.040
And they got to wake up next to you every day.

99
00:10:27.040 --> 00:10:32.880
And there are things about them that are weird and idiosynchic and it is terrible,

100
00:10:32.880 --> 00:10:39.440
not you, baby. Just, you know, and every day you got to wake up next to that thing.

101
00:10:39.440 --> 00:10:47.760
And it's something about getting into such close proximity with infallible imperfection

102
00:10:49.120 --> 00:10:50.800
that grows the love of God.

103
00:10:53.440 --> 00:10:58.320
That's not for boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen. There's a reason why the statistics on divorce

104
00:10:58.320 --> 00:11:02.960
in our country are so terrible in and outside of the church, somewhere above 50%.

105
00:11:04.400 --> 00:11:09.040
Because we believe the lie of this world that says it's a very hedonistic thing.

106
00:11:09.040 --> 00:11:13.200
It's a very consumer culture that says I want what I want and if it doesn't work then I'll go

107
00:11:13.200 --> 00:11:17.680
down the block. How many know that's not marriage? That's not biblical marriage. That's not

108
00:11:17.680 --> 00:11:25.280
covenant before the Lord. When you make a covenant you're making more than just the contract,

109
00:11:25.280 --> 00:11:33.040
you're making a pledge before God that says I'm here for the long run. I'm here for the long haul.

110
00:11:33.040 --> 00:11:38.160
I'm here to partner with you even when I don't like you. Come on. All the married people

111
00:11:38.160 --> 00:11:43.440
supposed to say amen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes that, see all the single people, they don't

112
00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:47.920
really know this part. Sometimes you don't like your spouse because they are them.

113
00:11:49.600 --> 00:11:54.320
They're imperfect humans. You love them. You love them. You are committed to them,

114
00:11:54.320 --> 00:11:59.600
but you don't always like them and the reason why you stay is because you are committed to them

115
00:11:59.600 --> 00:12:06.640
and committed to God. So single people you need to learn this now even before you make that

116
00:12:06.640 --> 00:12:18.080
commitment. You know, they teach you in preacher school and homiletic class that you

117
00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:22.000
should never worry about the sound of the people and I'm not, I expect that everyone

118
00:12:22.080 --> 00:12:32.320
you to be quiet today. Marriage exposes our weaknesses,

119
00:12:36.640 --> 00:12:44.080
but the beautiful part that I've learned about God is he only reveals what he wants to heal.

120
00:12:45.040 --> 00:12:52.000
So when you enter this petri dish called marriage and it's growing the love of God and it is

121
00:12:52.000 --> 00:12:57.600
exposing all of the ways in which you are weak and less than perfect and putting them on full

122
00:12:57.600 --> 00:13:04.480
display because here's the thing. Maybe you've never seen this before, but we hide really well.

123
00:13:06.080 --> 00:13:09.680
You hide with your friends, you hide with your associates, you hide with your co-workers,

124
00:13:09.680 --> 00:13:14.320
you hide with your family. There's certain things you can't hide from your spouse because they

125
00:13:14.320 --> 00:13:23.920
all up in your face every day. That's facts. All the married people know, that's facts.

126
00:13:25.600 --> 00:13:29.840
Because when it comes to friends and all these different relationships outside of the marriage,

127
00:13:29.840 --> 00:13:33.520
you know, it's almost like when you get company over and you quickly hide and throw everything

128
00:13:33.600 --> 00:13:41.600
into the closet. Praise God. Hey, are we heading out? Yes, let's do that. Praise the Lord. I want this

129
00:13:41.600 --> 00:13:48.080
closet to bust open and all my trash come out. And it's not just a physical thing, metaphorically

130
00:13:48.080 --> 00:13:58.080
in our spirit. There's trash. And we hide it up behind a pretty veneer. How are you doing? All

131
00:13:58.560 --> 00:14:07.680
as well. You can't hide that type of stuff from your spouse. Your spouse.

132
00:14:09.520 --> 00:14:14.640
Because when that thing starts to cook up and you start kicking the dog for no reason and you

133
00:14:14.640 --> 00:14:18.720
yelling at everybody, it's like the snickers commercials, hey, you're not yourself.

134
00:14:19.600 --> 00:14:24.320
So you need a snickers. Like you're not yourself. Have you been praying?

135
00:14:24.320 --> 00:14:28.720
Have you been reading your scriptures because they see you and they know you?

136
00:14:30.080 --> 00:14:31.440
Oh, we're going to school you today.

137
00:14:36.160 --> 00:14:37.920
So this ain't for boys and girls, amen?

138
00:14:39.360 --> 00:14:45.520
Proverbs 18, 22 says this, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains

139
00:14:45.520 --> 00:14:47.520
favor from the Lord.

140
00:14:50.080 --> 00:14:55.120
Lord, the happy married folk, amen? I don't know. I found it. I got faithful.

141
00:14:57.760 --> 00:14:59.280
That's a happy married man. You can tell.

142
00:15:01.680 --> 00:15:04.560
But what it doesn't say is he who finds a booty call.

143
00:15:09.840 --> 00:15:13.680
What it doesn't say is he who finds a friend with benefits.

144
00:15:16.400 --> 00:15:18.640
What it doesn't say is he who finds a baddie.

145
00:15:24.320 --> 00:15:26.960
You don't get the favor of the Lord because you found a thought.

146
00:15:29.360 --> 00:15:30.960
I'll let the young people school you on that one.

147
00:15:34.800 --> 00:15:38.960
It's a THOT that, okay, you Google that on your own time.

148
00:15:40.800 --> 00:15:45.280
No, it doesn't say those things. It doesn't even say he who finds a girlfriend

149
00:15:45.280 --> 00:15:50.000
finds a good thing. But wait, this scripture is specifically speaking to singles.

150
00:15:53.360 --> 00:15:57.840
It's speaking to a single man saying he who finds a wife finds a good thing.

151
00:15:58.800 --> 00:16:02.720
So there's something that's profound that the Lord is teaching us through this verse.

152
00:16:05.680 --> 00:16:10.000
You need to be a wife even before your husband finds you.

153
00:16:11.360 --> 00:16:14.320
You need to be a husband even before you're married.

154
00:16:15.600 --> 00:16:23.520
There's a measure of maturity and selflessness that you have to enable just embody

155
00:16:24.800 --> 00:16:27.280
before you even get connected with somebody.

156
00:16:28.160 --> 00:16:33.200
Your husband, your future husband, he doesn't need a girlfriend. He needs a wife.

157
00:16:35.840 --> 00:16:37.280
Oh, you ain't saying nothing church.

158
00:16:40.560 --> 00:16:44.240
You need to put yourself in reconstruction mode.

159
00:16:46.080 --> 00:16:50.880
Lord, do it. That should be every one of our prayer. Lord,

160
00:16:54.240 --> 00:17:02.160
do it. Let him operate on you. I pray that we would have a generation of men and women of

161
00:17:02.160 --> 00:17:06.800
God that would say, enter my home. I'm not locking any of the doors. Come into the attic.

162
00:17:06.800 --> 00:17:11.680
Come into the basement. Come clean and sweep me out. Because let me tell you, the Lord knew he

163
00:17:11.680 --> 00:17:19.440
wanted to bless me with a wife, but I was a boy. And he had to come and take some desperate measures

164
00:17:19.440 --> 00:17:23.920
and start cleaning things out to make me a man. Because the last thing you want to do

165
00:17:25.200 --> 00:17:31.600
is take the purpose, the will, the calling of God, his precious child, and have it connected to

166
00:17:31.600 --> 00:17:38.640
a deadbeat that's going nowhere. An immature person that is only going to look for self,

167
00:17:39.600 --> 00:17:49.200
marriage is all about selflessness, not selfishness. And I'm not trying to discourage you,

168
00:17:49.200 --> 00:17:55.200
nor dissuade you from marriage. Marriage is amazing. All my license holders, would you testify?

169
00:18:03.280 --> 00:18:06.080
So how can you be a wife or a husband if you've never been married?

170
00:18:06.880 --> 00:18:10.320
Well, you have to lean on those who have been and are in healthy marriages.

171
00:18:11.520 --> 00:18:18.560
Let me read you something from Titus chapter 2. But as for you, speak the things which are proper

172
00:18:18.560 --> 00:18:26.640
for sound doctrine, that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith,

173
00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:32.880
in love, in patience, the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers,

174
00:18:32.880 --> 00:18:38.240
not given to much wine, teachers of good things, that they admonish the young women to love their

175
00:18:38.240 --> 00:18:44.000
husbands and to love their children, to be discreet, chased, homemakers, good, obedient to their

176
00:18:44.000 --> 00:18:49.520
own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. Likewise, exhort the young men to be

177
00:18:49.520 --> 00:18:53.760
sober-minded in all things, showing yourself to be a pattern of good works,

178
00:18:54.560 --> 00:19:01.120
induction, showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned,

179
00:19:01.120 --> 00:19:05.280
that one who was an opponent may be ashamed having nothing evil to say of you.

180
00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:18.000
No, sometimes you gotta let the word sit and let it say la for a minute.

181
00:19:20.480 --> 00:19:26.160
You need to be in a place of humility where you would actually depend on those that have gone before

182
00:19:26.160 --> 00:19:32.320
you and actually look and glean from those that are doing it successfully. Listen, you hate your

183
00:19:32.320 --> 00:19:37.040
wife, I'm sorry, I probably don't want to hear from you. If every time I talk to you, all you have

184
00:19:37.040 --> 00:19:42.240
is something negative to say about your wife and it's never about you and your ability to bring

185
00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:51.280
something to the table to bring a change. Praise God. I want to hear from people that have been

186
00:19:51.280 --> 00:19:55.200
married for many years, they're seeing the ups and the downs and they've weathered that storm and

187
00:19:55.200 --> 00:20:00.000
they showed true commitment and they show that God's grace is able to take what was broken and

188
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.200
hurting and lost and bring out treasure. Because listen, when you're married and it's the will of God

189
00:20:05.200 --> 00:20:09.120
and his spirit is there in the midst of those two people, it can feel like heaven on earth

190
00:20:11.760 --> 00:20:14.800
or it can feel like torture depending on how much you let the Lord in.

191
00:20:15.280 --> 00:20:30.160
All right. So as a single, how do you navigate in the world when the Bible tells us that there is

192
00:20:30.160 --> 00:20:38.800
no such thing as dating? That we should just marry. This is what the Bible says, be married. It's

193
00:20:38.800 --> 00:20:46.640
better to marry than to sin. But it never says how to get there. How do you meet people? What do you do?

194
00:20:50.960 --> 00:20:58.640
So there's dating as the world knows it and then there's biblical dating, which is not even called

195
00:20:58.640 --> 00:21:04.480
dating, it's called courtship. And I want to just give you a little bit of a glimpse of the two and

196
00:21:04.480 --> 00:21:10.800
then we can practically put some legs on this thing and walk you through how to get from point A to

197
00:21:10.800 --> 00:21:18.720
point B, am I? So worldly dating as we know it is nothing more than veil divorce practice.

198
00:21:21.200 --> 00:21:27.760
Yeah. What we know of today as dating, oh, I meet you nice. Let's go out. We spend time together.

199
00:21:28.480 --> 00:21:33.600
I pour in my emotions. I pour in my time, my effort, my energy, and then I start giving you

200
00:21:34.800 --> 00:21:40.800
pieces of me. Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm not veiling it. I'm talking about you start living together,

201
00:21:40.800 --> 00:21:45.200
you playing house, you sleeping together, you're giving every part of yourself because what you

202
00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:52.400
thought was just a physical thing, the devil lied to you. Did you know that God created sex?

203
00:21:55.760 --> 00:22:02.880
Sex is not a creation of the enemy. That's God's. He made that in heaven. Oh, man, you...

204
00:22:03.840 --> 00:22:08.320
I don't know if you're not doing it right or just... Sex is awesome.

205
00:22:10.000 --> 00:22:15.040
That'll be another message for another day. We'll talk about... All right. I'm getting in the weeds.

206
00:22:24.800 --> 00:22:25.920
Sex is God's idea.

207
00:22:26.080 --> 00:22:34.160
But he knows because he's the one who created it. It was only designed for covenant.

208
00:22:35.360 --> 00:22:40.320
I'm going to spell it out because sometimes people live in this innuendo place where they're not

209
00:22:40.320 --> 00:22:47.600
really speaking about it openly. Fornication, premarital sex is sin. That's not preached enough. That

210
00:22:47.600 --> 00:22:53.440
truth is not heralded enough from the pulpit. That's sin. You find yourself casually sleeping with

211
00:22:53.440 --> 00:22:58.320
somebody outside of covenant. That isn't your husband and it isn't your wife. You my friend

212
00:22:58.320 --> 00:23:06.480
are in sin. You have missed the mark. That is not God's best for you. We don't understand because

213
00:23:06.480 --> 00:23:13.920
we think and I understand our society is propagating this lie. It's just the physical thing. It's just

214
00:23:13.920 --> 00:23:20.560
something that you can do. It's not just the physical thing because it was created by a very real

215
00:23:20.560 --> 00:23:29.040
and spiritual God. Sex involves body, soul and spirit and there's a connection on so many

216
00:23:29.040 --> 00:23:36.720
different levels. It was meant to make two, one. So when you only have a misunderstanding of what

217
00:23:36.720 --> 00:23:42.640
sex is and you think it's only just this physical connection, you end up giving pieces of yourself

218
00:23:42.720 --> 00:23:51.360
to somebody else and when it's over because there's no commitment, you're broken and you're hurting

219
00:23:51.360 --> 00:23:58.800
and you're wondering why. I was with someone so three years ago and I just can't go on.

220
00:24:00.640 --> 00:24:05.040
You can't go on because your soul is still attached and you got soul ties

221
00:24:05.680 --> 00:24:10.480
because you thought it was just physical. You thought it was just fun but I'm a moment.

222
00:24:19.040 --> 00:24:22.640
You know there are people who do object lessons and things like that and I won't bore you with

223
00:24:22.640 --> 00:24:26.800
doing one but there's one that I saw that made a lot of sense and I wish more people would be

224
00:24:26.800 --> 00:24:34.000
hip to it. This person took two pieces of heavy duty cardboard and he took them and he took

225
00:24:34.000 --> 00:24:40.480
industrial strength adhesive and he bonded them together and he gave it time and they were fused

226
00:24:42.320 --> 00:24:46.800
and then he got two really strong dudes and he said hey I need you to separate these things

227
00:24:47.920 --> 00:24:51.920
and it took it took some doing but fun because at first they couldn't it just it was

228
00:24:51.920 --> 00:24:57.120
industrial strength adhesive it was too strong but then they started to be a ripping they started

229
00:24:57.120 --> 00:25:05.600
to be a tearing the two were separated but do you know that it was not a clean break

230
00:25:07.360 --> 00:25:13.760
there were pieces of this side on the other side and there were pieces of this side on that side

231
00:25:13.760 --> 00:25:20.640
now imagine we're talking about the sex union outside of marriage so now you're connecting

232
00:25:20.640 --> 00:25:26.320
with someone and you think that it's only physical but yet when there is this divide and there

233
00:25:26.320 --> 00:25:34.640
is this cutting off pieces of your soul are left all over the place you're wondering why you feel

234
00:25:34.640 --> 00:25:42.160
so broken why you feel so separated and torn apart when the Lord desires and calls you to hold

235
00:25:42.800 --> 00:25:51.040
this because you're doing something out of order and out of the alignment sex is amazing

236
00:25:53.040 --> 00:25:58.960
but it's only amazing because I have a license and I have a license with the other person

237
00:25:58.960 --> 00:26:11.120
that I've committed myself to our life groups are doing letter to the American church we're

238
00:26:11.120 --> 00:26:17.760
learning how to stand boldly on truth correct here's a truth that's not widely spoken if you're

239
00:26:17.760 --> 00:26:23.200
engaged in premarital sex stop for your own health for the health of your future for the health of

240
00:26:23.200 --> 00:26:32.720
your your future spouse amen brightly colored preacher

241
00:26:33.120 --> 00:26:41.360
if you look up the actual definition of dating it says that dating means different things to

242
00:26:41.360 --> 00:26:45.600
different people particularly across generations and this is what we see as our generation continues

243
00:26:45.600 --> 00:26:50.320
to change and evolve in simple terms dating can be defined as two people in an intimate

244
00:26:50.320 --> 00:26:54.560
relationship unfortunately though we look at modern dating today it includes more than a few

245
00:26:54.640 --> 00:27:02.880
things that are just not biblical dating with no intention premarital sex selfish

246
00:27:02.880 --> 00:27:08.720
hedonistic pleasure seeking with no thought for the other person so when you date without intention

247
00:27:10.480 --> 00:27:16.160
you're never looking for something specific in your partner and what that devolves down to is

248
00:27:16.160 --> 00:27:23.680
you're only looking for the fulfillment of self and the fruit of that turns into many nasty and ugly

249
00:27:23.680 --> 00:27:32.320
things you you start to debase the person and don't see them as a person they're just an

250
00:27:32.320 --> 00:27:41.520
object for your satisfaction it is no longer about sacrificing for the betterment of the whole it's

251
00:27:41.520 --> 00:27:51.680
only about feed my own pleasure can you see how that is negative and broken and twisted and from

252
00:27:51.680 --> 00:27:59.040
the pit of hell but that's not the the way that they package it and sell it to you you can't

253
00:27:59.040 --> 00:28:02.400
buy milk from a commercial today without somebody trying to sell you sex

254
00:28:07.120 --> 00:28:14.240
I pray that the Lord would give us eyes to discern and see what really is happening in our culture

255
00:28:14.560 --> 00:28:25.760
they're looking to destroy us through self satisfaction this is a very base example and I just

256
00:28:25.760 --> 00:28:33.040
know it because I'm acquainted with food but if I'm out and about and I'm going through my day

257
00:28:33.760 --> 00:28:38.720
and I snack on things all day instead of waiting for the dinner that I know is going to be at home

258
00:28:38.800 --> 00:28:44.480
that will satiate and satisfy me by the time I get to that dinner when I get to it I might not

259
00:28:44.480 --> 00:28:52.320
even really want it because I'm already full off of nonsense how many of us are filling ourselves

260
00:28:52.320 --> 00:28:59.040
up on things that don't satisfy so that when God finally does bring you the thing he brings you

261
00:28:59.040 --> 00:29:04.720
the satisfaction he brings you the relationship he brings you that man or that woman of God you have

262
00:29:04.720 --> 00:29:15.360
so warped and twisted sex his creation through masturbation through addiction to porn then when

263
00:29:15.360 --> 00:29:20.320
you finally get the thing you don't even know how to treat it oh man I'm free I'm pranking right now

264
00:29:20.320 --> 00:29:34.000
pass the James oh Lord hallelujah when we are courting with intention towards marriage we start paying

265
00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:39.920
attention and looking for a kingdom spouse we start looking for someone that is going to help us

266
00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:46.880
fulfill the will and of God and the calling of God on our lives do every one of you know that you

267
00:29:46.880 --> 00:29:53.040
have a calling of God on your life and it's not just to be a preacher a pastor evangelist it's

268
00:29:53.040 --> 00:30:00.560
he no you have a calling as a Christian to be where you are in your market to be God's child

269
00:30:01.280 --> 00:30:06.480
everywhere that you go you are meant to be an evangelist of sorts because you get to share

270
00:30:06.480 --> 00:30:13.760
who God made you to be and the gospel comes out of that when you get with the wrong person

271
00:30:13.840 --> 00:30:19.520
because you're only looking with parts and not your spiritual eyes you can detract and destroy

272
00:30:19.520 --> 00:30:32.160
the purpose and the calling of God God gives us this instruction for healthy relationship leading

273
00:30:32.160 --> 00:30:37.920
to marriage second Corinthians 614 it says do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers

274
00:30:38.480 --> 00:30:44.480
for what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness and what communion has light with darkness

275
00:30:45.520 --> 00:30:49.520
do not be yoked together with unbelievers right so we hear that and we think

276
00:30:54.000 --> 00:31:02.560
well I'm Christian he's Christian he goes to my church I can't tell you how many times well

277
00:31:02.640 --> 00:31:09.520
meaning Christians they drag some unbelieving douche into my office going hey bestima look what I

278
00:31:09.520 --> 00:31:13.840
found would you give us some premarital counseling so we can get our license

279
00:31:17.840 --> 00:31:27.200
no no no no no no not being unequally yoked or being equally yoked is not just

280
00:31:27.760 --> 00:31:33.680
well they're Christian they believe in God no no do they believe in your God

281
00:31:34.800 --> 00:31:40.080
do they hold the convictions of the scripture that you do do they stand and trust and know

282
00:31:40.080 --> 00:31:44.160
that Jesus Christ is Lord there is no other means for salvation other than him

283
00:31:47.760 --> 00:31:53.520
that's where we start it's not even where we fit that's just the the bedrock bottom line of where we start

284
00:31:57.520 --> 00:32:10.320
don't settle oh I feel that in my spirit some of you singles don't settle don't settle just because

285
00:32:10.320 --> 00:32:20.080
you're lonely and you're tired and you are hungry for pies and thighs because what God has for

286
00:32:20.080 --> 00:32:26.160
you is better than what you're trying to settle for I guarantee you

287
00:32:34.640 --> 00:32:39.280
so again this looks like actually serving the same God sharing the same convictions

288
00:32:39.280 --> 00:32:43.680
because we have to be honest not everybody in church is actually saved

289
00:32:43.680 --> 00:32:54.320
what now you messing me up right now but what would you talk about no no no everybody here within

290
00:32:54.320 --> 00:33:01.600
under the sound of my not everybody saved not everybody actually has a relationship with Jesus

291
00:33:01.600 --> 00:33:06.400
they come to church that's great we are on the road there's a gradient of faith we're working you out

292
00:33:06.400 --> 00:33:13.760
and man you see my wife my wife is not at the pulpit much she doesn't talk much she will pray

293
00:33:13.760 --> 00:33:22.480
the crazy off a devil that woman has a relationship with God when I'm sick and I'm hurting and I'm

294
00:33:22.480 --> 00:33:31.920
a man so when I get sick I turn into a little baby look at that it's like just headache when I'm in

295
00:33:31.920 --> 00:33:37.440
that place she can come because she's filled with the spirit of God and she knows the word of God

296
00:33:37.440 --> 00:33:42.320
and the anointing that she carries and she comes by faith and she lays hands and releases the

297
00:33:42.320 --> 00:33:55.200
presence of God and she casts that baby spirit off of me and healing arises and all the women said

298
00:33:55.200 --> 00:34:08.800
amen you know what it also takes to it takes accountability because we're talking about being single

299
00:34:08.800 --> 00:34:14.000
getting to marriage getting the right tools to get where we want to go so you have to have

300
00:34:14.000 --> 00:34:18.080
accountability because there's something about when emotions rise when you meet somebody and you

301
00:34:18.080 --> 00:34:25.680
like somebody that actually causes you to be insane they say being in love in direct proportion the

302
00:34:25.680 --> 00:34:33.680
type of endorphins that are released are the same as being crazy there's a couple things in life

303
00:34:33.680 --> 00:34:46.400
that produce this effect large amounts of chocolate being in love and being insane so when you meet

304
00:34:46.400 --> 00:34:51.200
somebody and you're in this place of only others what amazing you don't even understand like they

305
00:34:51.200 --> 00:34:56.720
just look the part they just sound the part it is just so good just no no in that moment that's

306
00:34:56.720 --> 00:35:02.240
why I'm gonna need you to get around your friends and go hey what do you think because the problem

307
00:35:02.240 --> 00:35:07.280
comes with many of us are not in a place where we would even open ourselves up to that type of accountability

308
00:35:07.600 --> 00:35:20.160
if we're honest we just trudge along making decisions running headlong into walls and upset that we have migraines

309
00:35:26.240 --> 00:35:27.120
that wasn't fun

310
00:35:30.080 --> 00:35:35.360
Jeremiah 179 says is the hardest deceitful above all things in desperately wicked who can know it

311
00:35:35.760 --> 00:35:41.280
when we are attracted to people and endorphins or racing and emotions are high our view of certain

312
00:35:41.280 --> 00:35:46.800
things and certain people can become distorted and when we have a pursuit of a husband or a wife

313
00:35:46.800 --> 00:35:51.360
even more so we have to look at the facts and we have to be surrounded by people that can lovingly

314
00:35:51.360 --> 00:35:57.120
correct us and hold us accountable we have to keep our heart posture in alignment with God's will

315
00:35:57.120 --> 00:36:02.560
and understand the desires that he has for our future marriage and how that is going to bless the

316
00:36:02.560 --> 00:36:08.320
kingdom of God and bless it so that the gospel is going to have free course to go on first of

317
00:36:08.320 --> 00:36:10.320
the foremost through the family that you create

318
00:36:14.800 --> 00:36:19.760
all right so I'm gonna really close with this one because I want to give you some practical steps

319
00:36:19.760 --> 00:36:25.440
for what this looks like because so often we hear people go we're waiting on God I want a

320
00:36:25.440 --> 00:36:29.920
relationship I heard the message I'm not gonna just be out here selling myself anymore praise God

321
00:36:32.560 --> 00:36:37.600
what do I do next I want you to wait on the Lord okay

322
00:36:40.240 --> 00:36:50.080
am I done waiting shut up no waiting on God is not this passive thing that means I'm gonna

323
00:36:50.080 --> 00:36:56.000
stand here in this one position like this no waiting on God means I'm gonna actively participate

324
00:36:56.000 --> 00:37:02.400
in this act of preparation because you're not just waiting on God no no I need you to think of

325
00:37:02.400 --> 00:37:08.240
it more like you are waiting on God oh gotta get my white towel make the look complete

326
00:37:13.600 --> 00:37:16.880
what you got for us today Lord what would you like today Lord would you like some

327
00:37:16.880 --> 00:37:21.920
consecration Lord would you like some holiness today Lord would you like oh no oh you want to

328
00:37:21.920 --> 00:37:28.720
operate on me today okay Jesus well let's do that oh you want to prepare me for that person

329
00:37:28.720 --> 00:37:35.680
that oh okay I hadn't signed up for that but you know what I trust you Jesus oh you you want

330
00:37:35.680 --> 00:37:45.360
to touch my trauma oh okay Jesus yeah no no do it do it Lord because what you're doing is inviting

331
00:37:45.360 --> 00:37:50.320
him in allowing him to fix all the things that keep you from getting the good things that he has

332
00:37:50.320 --> 00:37:54.880
because for some of you God has already put some good things in your life and you've scared them away

333
00:37:54.880 --> 00:37:59.680
with your crazy because you haven't allowed him to heal it

334
00:38:04.080 --> 00:38:13.680
there you are praise God all right practical steps number one am I actually

335
00:38:13.680 --> 00:38:19.520
manageable when I go to the Lord is he giving me the thumbs up like hey you should get out there

336
00:38:19.520 --> 00:38:24.720
and start looking or is he saying get back in the lab I got some more work to do and it's okay

337
00:38:24.720 --> 00:38:33.120
to be in that place I here's the thing God redeems the time as much as we think come on Jesus I'm

338
00:38:33.120 --> 00:38:42.640
getting older I gotta go my eggs and stuff come on we we we we guys like I got you I got you

339
00:38:42.720 --> 00:38:49.360
he can do it what you thought would take 10 years he can do in two weeks

340
00:38:54.640 --> 00:39:02.080
so am I actually manageable am I actually running the race do you have a real relationship with

341
00:39:02.080 --> 00:39:10.960
Jesus is Jesus the Lord and Savior of your life not just Savior but Lord are you submitted to him

342
00:39:10.960 --> 00:39:19.680
looking for his will see the thing is when I met my wife I wasn't looking for my wife I was looking

343
00:39:19.680 --> 00:39:29.040
for Jesus I was running my race every one of us has a unique race and calling of God I was getting it

344
00:39:31.040 --> 00:39:37.680
to go soldier for the Lord burns in the castle I'm keep going I'll let you Lord I was a Bible

345
00:39:37.680 --> 00:39:41.040
thump when I first got saved get saved I was throwing a Bible like a grenade

346
00:39:45.280 --> 00:39:50.800
something funny happens when you start running your race for the Lord you start to realize real

347
00:39:50.800 --> 00:39:57.680
Christians and freight Christians and who can't really hang when I was running there was a lot

348
00:39:57.680 --> 00:40:04.160
of attractive girls in my church I start running and they start falling behind and I'm looking

349
00:40:04.160 --> 00:40:15.360
around like not all the girls Jesus amen amen but dogs up here he's it just keep focused on me all right

350
00:40:16.560 --> 00:40:24.160
I'm a trust you Lord but I know you don't go that way so all right Jesus and I start running and I

351
00:40:24.160 --> 00:40:31.840
keep running for the Lord and then lo and behold one day I met this woman and I didn't I didn't

352
00:40:31.840 --> 00:40:37.040
notice my wife because she is incredibly attractive she is but that's not why I noticed her

353
00:40:38.320 --> 00:40:44.240
I noticed her because the first day that I met her the preacher couldn't even preach because of her

354
00:40:46.160 --> 00:40:50.800
here it is a pastor he's preaching his message and he just stops with the burden of the Lord on

355
00:40:50.800 --> 00:40:55.920
his heart and he says hey ma'am I'm gonna need you to stand up he's like I've never done this before

356
00:40:56.560 --> 00:41:03.680
but I just got to any begins to prophesy to her the clearing you're gonna be a member here you're

357
00:41:03.680 --> 00:41:08.480
gonna help us launch one of our churches here you know me I'm in the back with the creeper smile like

358
00:41:13.200 --> 00:41:18.640
what is happening here because I'm in the back and she's in the middle and I'm just like yeah

359
00:41:19.520 --> 00:41:20.480
I need to meet her

360
00:41:26.240 --> 00:41:31.440
and you best believe after the service done I was like hey my name's Muhammad

361
00:41:32.640 --> 00:41:36.000
praise guys nice to meet you you know I know you're gonna be joining the launch team just

362
00:41:36.800 --> 00:41:38.880
sooner you know look forward to getting to know you

363
00:41:50.400 --> 00:41:54.560
so as you're running your race you get to look to the left and look to the right and see

364
00:41:54.560 --> 00:42:01.520
who's keeping pace that's important you want to be equally yoked right stop trying to save people

365
00:42:01.520 --> 00:42:08.880
off the street so they could be your boyfriend we not big game hunting that's not what the Lord

366
00:42:08.880 --> 00:42:14.080
meant save get people save because you want to see them get saved if they happen to later bear fruit

367
00:42:14.080 --> 00:42:19.840
hey praise god stop gun mmm let me go right down to that planet's fitness they look good and now

368
00:42:19.920 --> 00:42:23.200
yeah anybody want some jesus

369
00:42:30.960 --> 00:42:36.480
so run your race be manageable run your race look around as you run and see who's keeping pace

370
00:42:36.480 --> 00:42:39.920
here's another one community is gonna be super important right now

371
00:42:43.040 --> 00:42:47.200
getting to know people because remember you're not just waiting you're waiting you're serving

372
00:42:48.160 --> 00:42:53.360
it's important that you get around godly people who are doing godly things for the sake of the kingdom

373
00:42:53.360 --> 00:42:59.680
because you get to learn and see people and interact with people without the awkwardness of a date

374
00:43:03.760 --> 00:43:07.280
listen I didn't take my wife out on a date for a really long time

375
00:43:08.480 --> 00:43:10.480
we went out all the time though but as a group

376
00:43:10.480 --> 00:43:17.520
so so so all of these outings where you see like after church like hey you want to go get some lunch

377
00:43:17.520 --> 00:43:24.160
down and such and such just know there's people watching you they got some intentions on you

378
00:43:25.360 --> 00:43:30.960
I definitely did we was going out to lunch I was like hey hey you need go ask Tiffany if she

379
00:43:30.960 --> 00:43:37.520
want to go down to the pigly wiggly with us oh you're going down a butcher bar huh pig beach yeah

380
00:43:37.840 --> 00:43:41.600
just ask if she wants to come so I'm not going to ask myself that looks thirsty

381
00:43:43.760 --> 00:43:49.600
and now now here's the kicker though I knew I liked her but I wasn't going to put her under the

382
00:43:49.600 --> 00:43:54.560
pressure of having to make her feel like she's on a date you know what I want to get to know you

383
00:43:54.560 --> 00:44:00.400
in a safe environment so we're going to go out as a group we all going to have a good time

384
00:44:00.400 --> 00:44:05.840
you not my date I'm not your date we are as brothers and sisters all together now it just so

385
00:44:05.840 --> 00:44:10.320
happened that every time we went out it always happened to just be me and Tiffany talking one on

386
00:44:10.320 --> 00:44:16.320
one despite the fact that they were 30 people with us and you'll get to see people and you know

387
00:44:16.320 --> 00:44:22.560
why I like it too you get to see things that people hide because when you like somebody and they

388
00:44:22.560 --> 00:44:29.280
like you you put on your best face but there are certain things that get through how do you treat

389
00:44:29.280 --> 00:44:34.720
people that can't do anything for you how do you treat the waiters how do you treat your friends

390
00:44:34.720 --> 00:44:40.800
how do you treat your mom and your sister the listen courtship is a fact finding expedition

391
00:44:42.960 --> 00:44:49.440
it is nothing more than I'm trying to figure out can I commit the rest of my life to a stranger

392
00:44:50.160 --> 00:44:55.040
because despite how much you think you know somebody you still don't know them and how do I know

393
00:44:55.040 --> 00:44:59.760
this because I've known my wife for 10 years and for 10 years the Lord has taken her from glory to

394
00:44:59.760 --> 00:45:05.840
glory to glory and she's ever changing so it'd be ludicrous to think that I know her completely

395
00:45:05.840 --> 00:45:11.920
she's just learning some of her as the Lord reveals it to her amen so I'm just trying to gain

396
00:45:11.920 --> 00:45:17.680
enough information to make a quality decision but I want to do it in a safe environment

397
00:45:18.640 --> 00:45:22.800
so I'm going to go out in groups we're going to have fun in community because there's also

398
00:45:22.800 --> 00:45:29.840
accountability too because if I'm the weirdo who's always hurting people and not healed

399
00:45:31.280 --> 00:45:37.760
the word will get out in my community hey sister I know you're new to the church and all

400
00:45:38.880 --> 00:45:43.840
but uh you see brother someone so over there I know you and him are scheduled to go get some

401
00:45:43.840 --> 00:45:48.240
pizza I'm going to need you to relax because uh he's going to put you in a minivan and he's going to

402
00:45:48.240 --> 00:45:59.680
take you somewhere your reputation will proceed you good and bad like oh wow you went so and so

403
00:45:59.680 --> 00:46:12.080
going out we don't have any minivan people in our church thank God just in case

404
00:46:16.720 --> 00:46:22.160
all right so now in community you you you've gained a sense for you've gotten to know people you

405
00:46:22.160 --> 00:46:29.040
figure out okay I I like this person I've seen good fruit now how do you measure good fruit

406
00:46:29.040 --> 00:46:34.080
you're not just looking at their physical features you're opening the scriptures and you're comparing

407
00:46:34.080 --> 00:46:39.280
what you see in the word to what you see in them you know what's a good measure of this I need to go

408
00:46:39.280 --> 00:46:45.280
to the pastoral epistles go to first and second Timothy go to Titus see Paul gave him the

409
00:46:45.280 --> 00:46:51.120
descriptions for how to choose leadership and really what he's saying is these are how you secure

410
00:46:51.120 --> 00:46:56.640
mature Christians that can do the work of the Lord it's not to say that the person that you have

411
00:46:56.640 --> 00:47:00.800
to be with has to be in leadership but they should be displaying the mature characteristics listed

412
00:47:00.800 --> 00:47:05.760
for the leadership so now when I get with my wife and I see that there's a calling on her

413
00:47:05.760 --> 00:47:17.120
life and I see that yes she is a baddie I now open my word and go okay integrity character hard work

414
00:47:17.760 --> 00:47:26.240
mm yep and she's passing all the checks so now once I get past that place it's time to move on

415
00:47:26.240 --> 00:47:33.520
to the next stage the next stage is called the coffee date you might say the coffee date what's that

416
00:47:33.520 --> 00:47:39.360
well here's the thing the coffee date is when I want to get to know somebody more in an individual

417
00:47:39.360 --> 00:47:44.400
setting outside of the big brunches that we all doing after church amen I need this to be a one

418
00:47:44.400 --> 00:47:48.720
on one I need to see how you really interact if if there's a spark do you like me as much as

419
00:47:48.720 --> 00:47:56.480
I like you or am I just being creepy and the reason why I say a coffee date because a coffee date

420
00:47:56.480 --> 00:48:09.680
is determined by how much you want to be there man sister so-so yo thank you so much

421
00:48:10.080 --> 00:48:13.200
I'm gonna see you want to send let me take this to go

422
00:48:18.960 --> 00:48:25.760
but sometimes you get a coffee date and you are so engaged your coffee gets cold you mine

423
00:48:25.760 --> 00:48:31.200
switching this out and a coffee date could turn into lunch and a lunch could turn into dinner

424
00:48:31.200 --> 00:48:36.480
and a dinner could turn into you know I really enjoy your company is it okay if I proceed to the

425
00:48:36.480 --> 00:48:43.440
next step and make it clear that I just individually I just want to get to know you would you be my

426
00:48:43.440 --> 00:48:50.720
girlfriend ah so so there are steps to this thing again the coffee date gives you the ability to

427
00:48:50.720 --> 00:48:56.240
get to know someone individually without all the added pressure of well I need to spend money I

428
00:48:56.240 --> 00:48:59.920
need to pour out my heart I need to do all these things that it's not this season because if you do

429
00:48:59.920 --> 00:49:05.920
some of these things too fast you're gonna get yourself in trouble stop sharing every part of your

430
00:49:05.920 --> 00:49:09.840
heart your dreams your emotions with people and you just met them two days ago

431
00:49:11.520 --> 00:49:16.240
because you're gonna end up in a place over sharing and then overgiving and not everybody is

432
00:49:16.240 --> 00:49:30.080
worthy of that so now after I've had my coffee dates after I've been in community we proceed and

433
00:49:30.080 --> 00:49:41.520
now she's my girlfriend hey boo again fact-finding I'm only in a relationship because I need the facts

434
00:49:41.520 --> 00:49:47.440
who are you where'd you come from is your relationship with God real or are you just a

435
00:49:47.440 --> 00:49:56.880
pretender coming to snatch up eligible young Christian men like myself I need to know what do you

436
00:49:57.840 --> 00:50:02.160
well I'm here for the glory of God all right that sounds great let's see the fruit let's let's

437
00:50:02.160 --> 00:50:06.880
check under the hood how's your relationship with your family oh they all hate you okay

438
00:50:08.320 --> 00:50:14.640
listen if a man mistreats his family and they all hate him you need to worry about why they all

439
00:50:14.640 --> 00:50:22.160
hate him same thing for the females she doesn't respect her father she spits in his face every time

440
00:50:22.160 --> 00:50:27.840
she sees them she can't respect that man the likelihood that she respects you enough not to

441
00:50:27.840 --> 00:50:40.560
spit on you is low I just there's so much truth here and I feel the tension as people's

442
00:50:40.560 --> 00:50:47.280
minds are being blown but praise God we need to know how to conduct ourselves in the house of God

443
00:50:47.920 --> 00:50:57.280
now once you get to that place where you've been dating this person dating really courting and you

444
00:50:57.280 --> 00:51:04.160
figure out because for me I can tell you the day it happened for me I did the whole group thing

445
00:51:04.160 --> 00:51:13.200
I did the coffee thing I let a life group with Tiffany well really she acts me to lead a life

446
00:51:13.200 --> 00:51:20.880
group with her and I told her no I said but I'm still coming now and before the life group

447
00:51:20.880 --> 00:51:25.760
started one day she leaned over because I was early because I wanted to spend as much time with

448
00:51:25.760 --> 00:51:37.120
her as possible she says hey will you pray with me for the success of this group inwardly I was

449
00:51:37.520 --> 00:51:52.080
out really I was just like yeah yeah let's do that and it was at that moment I decided I will

450
00:51:52.080 --> 00:52:01.120
marry this woman Jesus because she had such a reverence and a love for God and his people

451
00:52:01.120 --> 00:52:06.320
that it secured she had all the other intangible stuff she had the majority the integrity

452
00:52:06.320 --> 00:52:13.120
of hard work all these things and she's a baddie she had all those things and then on top of it she

453
00:52:13.120 --> 00:52:17.840
was a lover of Jesus I was like I'm done I don't know everything there is to know about her but I've

454
00:52:17.840 --> 00:52:24.560
made the decision that I can trust enough to go forward because God is with her and anything that

455
00:52:24.560 --> 00:52:31.360
she could have negatively he will protect me from and I made the commitment and I asked for to be

456
00:52:31.440 --> 00:52:39.600
my wife at service no less she said yes it's been a sad story if I go through all of it and she's like

457
00:52:39.600 --> 00:52:47.200
ah maybe like now she said yes here's another thing we went from engaged and we got married months later

458
00:52:48.560 --> 00:52:53.360
I I have to emphasize this before we close there is no specific time limit on all of this stuff

459
00:52:53.760 --> 00:53:01.520
I need you to be wise about that I don't encourage engagements that last three and four and five

460
00:53:01.520 --> 00:53:07.120
years no I feel like you should be engaged as long as it takes to plan a wedding successfully

461
00:53:08.640 --> 00:53:14.240
but the other pushback to that is understand with every one of these phases once they're over

462
00:53:14.240 --> 00:53:21.200
they're over so there needs to be a certain level of understanding and awareness of where you are

463
00:53:21.280 --> 00:53:26.720
and enjoying that place because when I was dating it was different from when I was engaged

464
00:53:27.920 --> 00:53:32.560
when we got married that was different from being engaged when we had kids that's just a whole

465
00:53:32.560 --> 00:53:40.880
another story so take the time and let God give you the wisdom for when to take the next steps

466
00:53:41.520 --> 00:53:47.680
through sound counsel Bible says there is safety in a multitude of counselors amen

467
00:53:47.920 --> 00:54:00.080
was this good for you church is bless you I would say the most important thing in all of this is

468
00:54:00.080 --> 00:54:04.560
to rely on God when you know who you are in Christ and you know you're according with intention

469
00:54:04.560 --> 00:54:09.200
and knowing what God desires for you in relationship things become so much clearer and that

470
00:54:09.200 --> 00:54:15.840
clarity partnered with faith it takes you where you need to be in God and brings the right person

471
00:54:15.840 --> 00:54:22.400
to you and makes it so that you won't fumble the bag let's pray father

472
00:54:24.320 --> 00:54:29.200
Lord we are so grateful that you have blessed us so that we can have relationship in you

473
00:54:30.080 --> 00:54:38.160
give us wisdom give us the grace to be meek and humble and teachable so that we can lean on those

474
00:54:38.160 --> 00:54:48.640
that have gone before us in success work on us Lord make us marriageable give us the grace

475
00:54:48.640 --> 00:54:54.720
Lord to take this next step in our lives bring us the right people at the right time at the right

476
00:54:54.720 --> 00:54:59.680
season that we're not anxiously pushing for things that are out of order and out of time

477
00:55:00.480 --> 00:55:09.520
give us the grace Lord to be husbands and wives father I ask you in Jesus name

478
00:55:10.320 --> 00:55:15.120
this is the city light church podcast if you've missed any part of today's message

479
00:55:15.120 --> 00:55:20.160
or if you would like to find out more about pastor boy on janskik and city light church visit us

480
00:55:20.160 --> 00:55:29.120
at citylightnyc.com that's citylightnyc.com feel free to visit us online or in person anytime

481
00:55:29.120 --> 00:55:34.720
we would love to connect with you we pray that you have been encouraged today that you have been

482
00:55:34.720 --> 00:55:41.360
reminded how much God loves you and that you are surrounded by grace thank you for listening

483
00:55:41.360 --> 00:55:46.240
make sure that you subscribe to city light church podcast wherever you find your favorite podcasts

484
00:55:46.240 --> 00:55:49.680
worldwide