WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.560 One of the big things with identity 2 00:00:01.560 --> 00:00:03.400 is the labels that we say about ourselves. 3 00:00:03.400 --> 00:00:07.260 I am X, I am impatient, I am angry, I am whatever. 4 00:00:07.260 --> 00:00:10.500 And people in your past have the identity 5 00:00:10.500 --> 00:00:12.120 that they know you as. 6 00:00:12.120 --> 00:00:13.520 And then they will speak, 7 00:00:13.520 --> 00:00:14.960 and they will beat that label into you 8 00:00:14.960 --> 00:00:16.920 because you're not matching their pattern. 9 00:00:16.920 --> 00:00:18.080 Why have you changed? 10 00:00:18.080 --> 00:00:20.220 You are X, you are Y, 11 00:00:20.220 --> 00:00:21.600 and you're trying to not be that 12 00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:22.920 because you're doing something different 13 00:00:22.920 --> 00:00:24.720 than changing, you're growing. 14 00:00:26.160 --> 00:00:28.240 Welcome to the game where we talk about how to sell more stuff 15 00:00:28.240 --> 00:00:29.560 to more people in more ways 16 00:00:29.560 --> 00:00:31.240 and build businesses worth owning. 17 00:00:31.240 --> 00:00:32.680 I'm trying to build a billion dollar thing 18 00:00:32.680 --> 00:00:33.880 with acquisition.com. 19 00:00:33.880 --> 00:00:35.560 I always wish Bayzo's musk and Buffett 20 00:00:35.560 --> 00:00:36.760 had documented their journey. 21 00:00:36.760 --> 00:00:38.080 So I'm doing it for the rest of us. 22 00:00:38.080 --> 00:00:39.120 Please share and enjoy. 23 00:00:40.880 --> 00:00:44.520 I have shed friends basically every season of my life. 24 00:00:44.520 --> 00:00:47.880 And so I think about my life in three to five year seasons. 25 00:00:47.880 --> 00:00:51.840 And so the seasons of my life have gone from first, 26 00:00:51.840 --> 00:00:55.880 I was a high school womanizer for the most part, 27 00:00:55.880 --> 00:00:56.720 like externally. 28 00:00:56.720 --> 00:00:58.960 And then I was also really deeply angry 29 00:00:58.960 --> 00:01:03.840 for my teenage into 19ish, 15 to 19. 30 00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:05.960 That was that three to five year season. 31 00:01:05.960 --> 00:01:07.840 And then I had my come to Jesus 32 00:01:07.840 --> 00:01:10.400 where my dad was like, hey, you suck as human. 33 00:01:10.400 --> 00:01:11.360 You have a terrible reputation. 34 00:01:11.360 --> 00:01:13.000 Maybe you should stop being who you are, 35 00:01:13.000 --> 00:01:13.840 which I took to heart. 36 00:01:13.840 --> 00:01:15.680 And I cleaned up my act. 37 00:01:15.680 --> 00:01:17.440 I stopped drinking nearly as much as I was. 38 00:01:17.440 --> 00:01:20.520 I stopped being the womanizer that I was at the time. 39 00:01:20.520 --> 00:01:23.800 I started going to school and studying 12 hours a day. 40 00:01:23.800 --> 00:01:25.640 And then I became president of fraternity 41 00:01:25.640 --> 00:01:28.480 and started moving up in status in that way. 42 00:01:28.480 --> 00:01:31.160 And that was my college season, right? 43 00:01:31.160 --> 00:01:33.120 That's the lesson that I learned in that season. 44 00:01:33.120 --> 00:01:34.520 And I had college friends. 45 00:01:34.520 --> 00:01:36.440 And then when I left college, 46 00:01:36.440 --> 00:01:38.840 and I had high school friends that when I left high school, 47 00:01:38.840 --> 00:01:41.280 I basically stopped being in contact with them. 48 00:01:41.280 --> 00:01:42.200 And then when I left college, 49 00:01:42.200 --> 00:01:44.760 I pretty much stopped being in contact with anyone 50 00:01:44.760 --> 00:01:45.880 that I went to college with. 51 00:01:46.880 --> 00:01:49.880 Real talk, people were like, how'd you do that? 52 00:01:49.880 --> 00:01:54.200 Here's the telltale sign for me about affinity, right? 53 00:01:54.200 --> 00:01:56.440 The amount you like or love someone 54 00:01:56.440 --> 00:01:58.800 is directly proportional to what you're willing to give up 55 00:01:58.800 --> 00:02:00.040 to maintain the relationship. 56 00:02:01.200 --> 00:02:03.160 And so it is the easiest and best decision 57 00:02:03.160 --> 00:02:05.320 that I know to explain love. 58 00:02:05.320 --> 00:02:08.320 And so, for example, if there's a piece of shit car, right? 59 00:02:08.320 --> 00:02:09.320 You work on it all the time. 60 00:02:09.320 --> 00:02:11.200 You might say, that guy must really love it 61 00:02:11.200 --> 00:02:14.400 because of how much time he puts into that thing, right? 62 00:02:14.400 --> 00:02:16.360 This guy must really love his country 63 00:02:16.360 --> 00:02:18.680 because he's willing to give his life for it. 64 00:02:18.680 --> 00:02:20.600 What are you willing to give in exchange, right? 65 00:02:20.600 --> 00:02:23.160 To maintain the relationship, right? 66 00:02:23.160 --> 00:02:25.600 And so, oftentimes, we say these things, 67 00:02:25.600 --> 00:02:28.240 like, I really love my parents so much, 68 00:02:28.240 --> 00:02:30.640 but I'm not willing to drive an hour to see that. 69 00:02:30.640 --> 00:02:32.400 Do you love them that much? 70 00:02:32.400 --> 00:02:33.920 I know it's socially acceptable, 71 00:02:33.920 --> 00:02:36.160 or not acceptable to say that you don't love your parents, 72 00:02:36.160 --> 00:02:37.920 but if you define how much you love them 73 00:02:37.920 --> 00:02:39.680 because love isn't binary, it's not yes or no, 74 00:02:39.680 --> 00:02:41.280 it's how much do you love them. 75 00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:43.720 If you're not willing to give up basically anything 76 00:02:43.720 --> 00:02:47.600 to maintain their relationship, then how much do you love them? 77 00:02:47.600 --> 00:02:48.960 Kind of interesting, right? 78 00:02:48.960 --> 00:02:51.120 Now they may be willing to give their lives for you 79 00:02:51.120 --> 00:02:53.240 because they love you more than you love them. 80 00:02:53.240 --> 00:02:55.520 And that's biological, it's okay, it's biology. 81 00:02:55.520 --> 00:02:58.480 But I'm just saying, when you think with this construct, 82 00:02:58.480 --> 00:03:01.120 I think it's been a very helpful filter for me to say, 83 00:03:01.120 --> 00:03:04.520 not do I love my friends, but which friends do I love the most? 84 00:03:04.520 --> 00:03:06.560 Which friends am I willing to sacrifice the most 85 00:03:06.560 --> 00:03:08.680 to keep the relationship, right? 86 00:03:08.680 --> 00:03:11.160 And I'm a big believer in utility, 87 00:03:11.160 --> 00:03:14.320 which is there is an exchange in every relationship. 88 00:03:14.320 --> 00:03:17.080 You get something and they get something back. 89 00:03:17.080 --> 00:03:18.640 Part of the strength of the relationship 90 00:03:18.640 --> 00:03:20.520 is how long you're willing to wait 91 00:03:20.520 --> 00:03:23.080 for the next time that relationship is reinforced. 92 00:03:23.080 --> 00:03:26.640 So if you have a long history of great reinforcements 93 00:03:26.640 --> 00:03:28.640 or positive experiences with a person, 94 00:03:28.640 --> 00:03:30.240 you're willing to wait a longer period of time 95 00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:33.080 if they're going through a breakup, they're having a hard time 96 00:03:33.080 --> 00:03:35.680 to keep the relationship going, right? 97 00:03:35.680 --> 00:03:37.400 But at some point, even if you've been friends 98 00:03:37.400 --> 00:03:38.240 with somebody for 10 years, 99 00:03:38.240 --> 00:03:40.640 if there's just not any positive reinforcement, 100 00:03:40.640 --> 00:03:43.600 you're willing to sacrifice less for the relationship. 101 00:03:43.600 --> 00:03:45.080 And so then you stop it. 102 00:03:45.080 --> 00:03:48.360 If you just meet somebody, you're willing this to delay 103 00:03:48.360 --> 00:03:50.320 when you get a positive reinforcement from that person 104 00:03:50.320 --> 00:03:52.800 is very low, it's very low. 105 00:03:52.800 --> 00:03:55.000 If you're not pretty quickly in the conversation, 106 00:03:55.000 --> 00:03:56.160 getting some positive reinforcement, 107 00:03:56.160 --> 00:03:58.080 getting some positive vibes, getting some value, 108 00:03:58.080 --> 00:03:59.880 then you'll just exit, right? 109 00:03:59.880 --> 00:04:01.360 And so the longer you're with somebody, 110 00:04:01.360 --> 00:04:03.480 the more you've had positive experiences with them, 111 00:04:03.480 --> 00:04:05.200 the longer you're willing to wait 112 00:04:05.200 --> 00:04:06.960 between positive experiences. 113 00:04:06.960 --> 00:04:09.880 And so that's why you're willing to go through a law 114 00:04:09.880 --> 00:04:12.120 with a friend who's going through a hard time 115 00:04:12.120 --> 00:04:13.360 because you have so many positives 116 00:04:13.360 --> 00:04:15.400 that you're waiting to get back to. 117 00:04:15.400 --> 00:04:18.720 But at some point, you do cut it off. 118 00:04:18.760 --> 00:04:19.760 Because how long are you willing to wait 119 00:04:19.760 --> 00:04:21.200 for this person to pull them up? 120 00:04:21.200 --> 00:04:22.280 Interesting. 121 00:04:22.280 --> 00:04:24.800 And so for me, as I was going through 122 00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:27.360 my entrepreneurial seasons, for the most part, 123 00:04:27.360 --> 00:04:29.280 because my goals shifted so dramatically 124 00:04:29.280 --> 00:04:32.360 between seasons, many of the people I had around me, 125 00:04:32.360 --> 00:04:33.720 A, weren't willing to pay the price 126 00:04:33.720 --> 00:04:35.640 that I was willing to pay for the things that I wanted, 127 00:04:35.640 --> 00:04:38.120 but also wanted me to give them more 128 00:04:38.120 --> 00:04:39.600 than I was willing to. 129 00:04:39.600 --> 00:04:41.320 And so I'll give you a story that will paint me 130 00:04:41.320 --> 00:04:43.360 in a bad light, and that's fine. 131 00:04:43.360 --> 00:04:45.720 So I've told a story about there was a teacher 132 00:04:45.720 --> 00:04:47.320 that I grew up with in high school, 133 00:04:47.360 --> 00:04:49.960 he's the one who stayed with me after school 134 00:04:49.960 --> 00:04:52.400 for a year, and worked out with me. 135 00:04:52.400 --> 00:04:54.120 Two or a day, and he taught me how to work out. 136 00:04:54.120 --> 00:04:57.200 And that obviously has been something that I was able to get. 137 00:04:57.200 --> 00:04:59.080 I got in shape, got more confidence. 138 00:04:59.080 --> 00:05:01.840 From there, I got a better at school. 139 00:05:01.840 --> 00:05:03.800 From there, that snowballed into me getting to fitness. 140 00:05:03.800 --> 00:05:07.520 From there, it was a huge catalyst snowball, right? 141 00:05:07.520 --> 00:05:09.080 And so somebody heard that story, 142 00:05:09.080 --> 00:05:12.000 and then found the teacher, and they linked us. 143 00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:13.920 And I didn't ask them to do that 144 00:05:13.920 --> 00:05:17.280 because I already had chosen not to maintain that relationship. 145 00:05:17.280 --> 00:05:19.960 And the reason was because as time went on, 146 00:05:19.960 --> 00:05:21.840 he was like, hey man, I'm not asking for a lot. 147 00:05:21.840 --> 00:05:23.360 I would love to just have like a two hour call 148 00:05:23.360 --> 00:05:25.000 with you every week. 149 00:05:25.000 --> 00:05:27.960 I was like a two hour call every week. 150 00:05:27.960 --> 00:05:29.880 I was like, I don't even talk to my mother that much. 151 00:05:29.880 --> 00:05:31.000 I don't talk to anyone that much. 152 00:05:31.000 --> 00:05:32.440 I talk to my wife, that's it. 153 00:05:32.440 --> 00:05:34.640 In that moment, I was like, I'm not willing to make that trade. 154 00:05:34.640 --> 00:05:36.440 Like this relationship, because to be fair, 155 00:05:36.440 --> 00:05:38.440 for me, the value of the relationship was in the past. 156 00:05:38.440 --> 00:05:39.640 You may be like, Alex, you're a horrible person, 157 00:05:39.640 --> 00:05:41.240 and that's possible, maybe I am. 158 00:05:41.240 --> 00:05:45.040 But to me, I was not willing to give two hours a week, 159 00:05:45.040 --> 00:05:48.160 a hundred hours a year for the rest of my life 160 00:05:48.160 --> 00:05:50.280 to pay a debt for somebody who worked out with me. 161 00:05:50.280 --> 00:05:53.080 And I can appreciate what it gave me, 162 00:05:53.080 --> 00:05:55.640 but to the same degree, I might have already just 163 00:05:55.640 --> 00:05:58.400 was gonna start working out anyways, right? 164 00:05:58.400 --> 00:06:01.000 And so we get into this weird indebtedness thing, 165 00:06:01.000 --> 00:06:03.400 and I just, I think you have one life. 166 00:06:03.400 --> 00:06:05.640 And a lot of times, we maintain these relationships 167 00:06:05.640 --> 00:06:07.080 because of social norms. 168 00:06:07.080 --> 00:06:09.720 And my only encouragement is that I have been willing 169 00:06:09.720 --> 00:06:13.640 to shirk or shed relationships faster than most. 170 00:06:13.640 --> 00:06:15.480 And that is because I believe that a lot of growth 171 00:06:15.480 --> 00:06:16.440 come through elimination. 172 00:06:16.440 --> 00:06:18.280 It comes through pruning the trade, 173 00:06:18.280 --> 00:06:19.720 because we only have so much juju, 174 00:06:19.720 --> 00:06:21.480 we only have so much time, we only have so much focus, 175 00:06:21.480 --> 00:06:24.000 so much energy that we can pour into things. 176 00:06:24.000 --> 00:06:25.800 And a lot of people don't, 177 00:06:25.800 --> 00:06:27.920 like people talk about like energy vampires. 178 00:06:27.920 --> 00:06:29.880 And it makes it, it paints it an ugly way, 179 00:06:29.880 --> 00:06:32.880 but it's really just, energy distractors. 180 00:06:32.880 --> 00:06:35.920 It's just, you have this much activity that can happen, 181 00:06:35.920 --> 00:06:38.640 and you want it to be directionally aligned. 182 00:06:38.640 --> 00:06:39.760 And if you're not walking, 183 00:06:39.760 --> 00:06:41.760 a hundred putting all your energy in one direction, 184 00:06:41.760 --> 00:06:43.960 it's scattered, and then you don't move this fast. 185 00:06:43.960 --> 00:06:46.400 And so for me, I wanted to always surround myself 186 00:06:46.400 --> 00:06:47.960 with the people who wanted the same things as me, 187 00:06:47.960 --> 00:06:49.840 and were ideally a little ahead of me. 188 00:06:49.840 --> 00:06:52.000 And so if all the friends that I had, 189 00:06:52.000 --> 00:06:53.520 I had achieved more than, 190 00:06:53.520 --> 00:06:55.120 then my relationship shifted, 191 00:06:55.120 --> 00:06:56.920 because I had nothing to gain from them. 192 00:06:56.920 --> 00:06:58.280 They had everything to gain from me. 193 00:06:58.280 --> 00:07:00.680 Now, you could make the argument that there's other things, 194 00:07:00.680 --> 00:07:01.720 I have one friend that I've been friends with 195 00:07:01.720 --> 00:07:03.720 in middle school, but the exchange that you have 196 00:07:03.720 --> 00:07:04.680 is different. 197 00:07:04.680 --> 00:07:07.320 I'm not trying to get value from business with him. 198 00:07:07.320 --> 00:07:10.320 When we hang out, it is purely an unplugged for me. 199 00:07:10.320 --> 00:07:11.720 And that is the value. 200 00:07:11.760 --> 00:07:15.360 Now, the amount that we hang out once a year, 201 00:07:15.360 --> 00:07:19.360 maybe, maybe a text you change every quarter. 202 00:07:19.360 --> 00:07:21.360 And so some people are like, well, that's not a friend. 203 00:07:21.360 --> 00:07:22.720 Well, it's because you're definition of friend 204 00:07:22.720 --> 00:07:24.280 and my definition of friend are different. 205 00:07:24.280 --> 00:07:26.120 For me, it's somebody that I've positive sense in board 206 00:07:26.120 --> 00:07:28.720 that I'm willing to keep that conversation going. 207 00:07:28.720 --> 00:07:29.960 That is what I'm willing to endure 208 00:07:29.960 --> 00:07:31.240 to maintain the relationship, 209 00:07:31.240 --> 00:07:32.840 which I don't do with many people. 210 00:07:32.840 --> 00:07:34.240 And so for me, that's worth it. 211 00:07:34.240 --> 00:07:37.480 My closest friend, I spend one hour a week with every week. 212 00:07:37.480 --> 00:07:39.760 My closest friend, like clockwork, 213 00:07:39.760 --> 00:07:41.760 is my highest party meeting with him 214 00:07:41.760 --> 00:07:43.800 because it is something that brings me joy. 215 00:07:43.800 --> 00:07:45.200 And we get lots of exchange with one other. 216 00:07:45.200 --> 00:07:47.320 He's the one who helps me write my books, Dr. Cashy. 217 00:07:47.320 --> 00:07:49.280 And so I get a lot from them. 218 00:07:49.280 --> 00:07:51.200 Now, if I didn't get anything from that, 219 00:07:51.200 --> 00:07:54.000 over time, I'd be willing, I would slow down 220 00:07:54.000 --> 00:07:55.320 the communication between us. 221 00:07:55.320 --> 00:07:57.600 I would make it every other week once a month, right? 222 00:07:57.600 --> 00:07:58.880 I'd start shortening the times. 223 00:07:58.880 --> 00:08:00.640 And then eventually, it would get faded out. 224 00:08:00.640 --> 00:08:02.240 And that's how a lot of these things are. 225 00:08:02.240 --> 00:08:04.560 Now, a lot of people are afraid of having that confrontation, 226 00:08:04.560 --> 00:08:05.400 right? 227 00:08:05.400 --> 00:08:07.200 And I would say big picture, most times you don't need to have it, 228 00:08:07.200 --> 00:08:09.040 because most people are interpersonally aware. 229 00:08:09.040 --> 00:08:10.800 And if you slow down your communication cadence 230 00:08:10.800 --> 00:08:12.560 with someone and how frequently you see them 231 00:08:12.560 --> 00:08:15.560 and when you accept invitations, it naturally fizzles, right? 232 00:08:15.560 --> 00:08:16.400 Just big picture. 233 00:08:16.400 --> 00:08:17.360 If you're like, how do I get out of it? 234 00:08:17.360 --> 00:08:18.400 That's how you get out of it. 235 00:08:18.400 --> 00:08:20.600 But if it gets to a point where it's someone's like so close 236 00:08:20.600 --> 00:08:23.240 that it would be obvious and a conversation needs to be had, 237 00:08:23.240 --> 00:08:25.280 I encourage you to just have it. 238 00:08:25.280 --> 00:08:29.560 And because you want to be a kind person, 239 00:08:29.560 --> 00:08:32.240 and the way you are kind is that you tell the truth, right? 240 00:08:32.240 --> 00:08:34.680 It's not by shirking it, it's by just saying straight up, 241 00:08:34.680 --> 00:08:37.200 because you may have a shot at getting them to realize 242 00:08:37.200 --> 00:08:39.240 that they're not on the path that they wanted to be on, 243 00:08:39.240 --> 00:08:40.880 because you were friends with them at some point. 244 00:08:40.880 --> 00:08:42.800 And so either your goals have changed or theirs have. 245 00:08:42.800 --> 00:08:44.160 And so if you make them aware of the fact 246 00:08:44.160 --> 00:08:45.640 that either your goals have changed 247 00:08:45.640 --> 00:08:47.280 or yours have it and theirs have, 248 00:08:47.280 --> 00:08:49.560 they might not even realize that it has, 249 00:08:49.560 --> 00:08:52.800 because they're playing a recreational dodge ball league, 250 00:08:52.800 --> 00:08:55.320 and they go to the Sunday with the boys 251 00:08:55.320 --> 00:08:58.240 and they drink their beers, and they're in the fantasy league, 252 00:08:58.240 --> 00:08:59.240 and they're doing the stuff. 253 00:08:59.240 --> 00:09:01.680 And I'm saying there's nothing wrong with that. 254 00:09:01.680 --> 00:09:04.640 But I don't want to be the 99. 255 00:09:05.640 --> 00:09:09.360 And so most people that I am friends with see me now 256 00:09:09.360 --> 00:09:11.280 and are like, he's a mania. 257 00:09:11.280 --> 00:09:13.200 I would never want to live that way. 258 00:09:13.200 --> 00:09:16.440 I even got accosted by a family member 259 00:09:16.440 --> 00:09:17.920 who was like, I would never want your life, 260 00:09:17.920 --> 00:09:19.520 and I was like, and I would never want yours. 261 00:09:21.520 --> 00:09:22.720 Real quick guys, you guys already know 262 00:09:22.720 --> 00:09:24.640 that I don't run any ads on this, 263 00:09:24.640 --> 00:09:25.960 and I don't sell anything. 264 00:09:25.960 --> 00:09:27.840 And so the only ask that I can ever have 265 00:09:27.840 --> 00:09:29.240 are you guys that you help me spread the words 266 00:09:29.240 --> 00:09:30.720 so we can have more entrepreneurs, 267 00:09:30.720 --> 00:09:32.400 make more money, feed their families, 268 00:09:32.480 --> 00:09:34.880 make better products, and have better experiences 269 00:09:34.880 --> 00:09:36.480 for their employees and customers. 270 00:09:36.480 --> 00:09:38.720 And the only way we do that is if you can rate 271 00:09:38.720 --> 00:09:40.920 and review and share this podcast. 272 00:09:40.920 --> 00:09:42.280 So the single thing that I have to do, 273 00:09:42.280 --> 00:09:43.480 is if you can just leave a review, 274 00:09:43.480 --> 00:09:45.480 let's take 10 seconds or one type of the thumb, 275 00:09:45.480 --> 00:09:46.720 it would be the absolute world to me, 276 00:09:46.720 --> 00:09:49.520 and more importantly, it may change the world to someone else. 277 00:09:51.520 --> 00:09:54.800 And so being willing to take people out of my life, 278 00:09:54.800 --> 00:09:56.520 and I've been very direct about it, 279 00:09:56.520 --> 00:09:59.400 and to the point that we were talking about earlier, 280 00:09:59.400 --> 00:10:02.680 one of the reasons that I cut people out sooner than most 281 00:10:02.680 --> 00:10:06.840 is because I do not like the labels that they speak over me. 282 00:10:06.840 --> 00:10:08.840 And so one of the big things with identity 283 00:10:08.840 --> 00:10:10.680 is the labels that we say about ourselves, 284 00:10:10.680 --> 00:10:15.200 I am X, I am impatient, I am angry, I am whatever, right? 285 00:10:15.200 --> 00:10:17.520 I am poor, I don't like saying it, right? 286 00:10:17.520 --> 00:10:22.520 And people in your past have the identity that they know US, 287 00:10:22.800 --> 00:10:25.520 and then they will speak and they will beat that label 288 00:10:25.520 --> 00:10:27.960 into you because you're not matching their pattern. 289 00:10:27.960 --> 00:10:29.080 Why have you changed? 290 00:10:29.080 --> 00:10:32.600 You are X, you are Y, and you're trying to not be that 291 00:10:32.600 --> 00:10:34.880 because you're doing something different than changing, 292 00:10:34.880 --> 00:10:37.760 you're growing, but they see it as change. 293 00:10:37.760 --> 00:10:39.280 And that's why the best response in the world 294 00:10:39.280 --> 00:10:40.680 to someone who says, hey, you've changed, 295 00:10:40.680 --> 00:10:44.640 is to say, yeah, you have it, deep shit, right? 296 00:10:44.640 --> 00:10:45.640 It's a spiritual process, 297 00:10:45.640 --> 00:10:48.240 it's like an emotional process of going through this, 298 00:10:48.240 --> 00:10:50.880 but you have to choose the labels that you want over yourself, 299 00:10:50.880 --> 00:10:52.440 and you want to surround yourself with people 300 00:10:52.440 --> 00:10:56.480 who encourage the labels that you want to be, right? 301 00:10:56.480 --> 00:10:59.400 Because the identity shift, the character trait shift 302 00:10:59.400 --> 00:11:02.080 is not a binary, it's not, are you honest, 303 00:11:02.080 --> 00:11:05.200 are you angry, are you patient, whatever it is? 304 00:11:05.200 --> 00:11:08.840 It's how patient are you, how kind are you, 305 00:11:08.840 --> 00:11:11.080 how loyal are you, how honest are you? 306 00:11:11.080 --> 00:11:14.040 And so you want people who are voting in that voting machine 307 00:11:14.040 --> 00:11:17.040 on this side so that the balance starts to shift 308 00:11:17.040 --> 00:11:19.160 from patient to impatient, right? 309 00:11:19.160 --> 00:11:20.840 And people encourage you in the behaviors 310 00:11:20.840 --> 00:11:23.040 that you want to be like. 311 00:11:23.040 --> 00:11:24.640 But if someone only tells you the stories, 312 00:11:24.640 --> 00:11:26.920 when you got fucked up and why you did that stupid thing, 313 00:11:26.920 --> 00:11:29.480 they're encouraging and retelling in the story 314 00:11:29.480 --> 00:11:31.360 of who you used to be, 315 00:11:31.360 --> 00:11:33.200 and you want people around you 316 00:11:33.200 --> 00:11:36.600 who don't believe the lies you used to tell about yourself. 317 00:11:36.600 --> 00:11:41.600 And so for me, my close circle has always been very, very small. 318 00:11:41.960 --> 00:11:42.960 Not existent. 319 00:11:44.960 --> 00:11:48.440 But it's because I also feel like I grow really quickly 320 00:11:48.440 --> 00:11:50.120 because I don't hold on to things long. 321 00:11:50.120 --> 00:11:52.840 Like as the moment something doesn't provide me value, 322 00:11:52.840 --> 00:11:53.840 I shed it. 323 00:11:53.840 --> 00:11:55.640 And a lot of people probably disagree with that. 324 00:11:55.640 --> 00:11:58.240 And that's cool, like you disagree. 325 00:11:58.240 --> 00:12:00.760 But that is how I have lived my life. 326 00:12:00.760 --> 00:12:02.160 And it has served me well. 327 00:12:02.160 --> 00:12:04.400 And so I have been reinforced with that behavior 328 00:12:04.400 --> 00:12:05.640 and so I continue to do it. 329 00:12:07.080 --> 00:12:10.960 And so in each season, I basically make new friends, 330 00:12:10.960 --> 00:12:13.440 I join new communities, I meet new people, 331 00:12:13.440 --> 00:12:14.960 I learn everything I can. 332 00:12:14.960 --> 00:12:17.560 And as long as those people are going to the same place 333 00:12:17.560 --> 00:12:20.440 I'm going, we're right inside by side the whole way. 334 00:12:20.440 --> 00:12:21.280 And that's my hope. 335 00:12:21.280 --> 00:12:23.400 I hope is that the people that I meet now 336 00:12:23.400 --> 00:12:25.760 are trying to go all the way with me. 337 00:12:25.760 --> 00:12:28.000 And it's funny, I was talking to a very big, 338 00:12:28.000 --> 00:12:29.960 very, very big influencer. 339 00:12:29.960 --> 00:12:32.240 And I was telling him about what I wanted to do, 340 00:12:32.240 --> 00:12:33.480 how we're going to get to a billion, 341 00:12:33.480 --> 00:12:34.800 how we're going to get to 10 billion, et cetera. 342 00:12:34.800 --> 00:12:37.040 And he was like, no one thinks big. 343 00:12:37.040 --> 00:12:39.120 He's like, no one wants to do epic shit. 344 00:12:39.120 --> 00:12:40.800 And I was like, yeah, I feel you, man. 345 00:12:40.800 --> 00:12:43.600 And so the increment that your friends talk about 346 00:12:43.600 --> 00:12:45.600 and times and money, time and money 347 00:12:45.600 --> 00:12:47.920 are the increments that you will talk about, time and money in. 348 00:12:47.920 --> 00:12:49.720 If they're talking about making a thousand dollar investment, 349 00:12:49.720 --> 00:12:51.360 you're going to start thinking in thousand dollar investments. 350 00:12:51.360 --> 00:12:52.520 When if you want to be surrounded by people 351 00:12:52.520 --> 00:12:55.080 talking about million or a hundred million dollar investments, 352 00:12:55.080 --> 00:12:56.200 then you got to get in those circles. 353 00:12:56.200 --> 00:12:57.120 Now, how do you earn your way? 354 00:12:57.120 --> 00:12:59.680 Well, you get in when you're a little bit below 355 00:12:59.680 --> 00:13:01.160 and then you absorb everything you can 356 00:13:01.160 --> 00:13:04.040 and you execute, you execute, then you see who's going with you. 357 00:13:04.040 --> 00:13:05.720 And then once that rubber band starts to stretch 358 00:13:05.720 --> 00:13:08.000 where you're too high, you change out. 359 00:13:08.000 --> 00:13:09.800 A lot of people don't like that. 360 00:13:09.800 --> 00:13:10.760 But that's how I've lived my life. 361 00:13:10.760 --> 00:13:14.040 And so for me, I've wanted to live a rare life. 362 00:13:14.040 --> 00:13:17.040 And so I will have to be surrounded by rare people 363 00:13:17.040 --> 00:13:18.680 and rare people are by definition rare. 364 00:13:18.680 --> 00:13:19.840 They're not common. 365 00:13:19.840 --> 00:13:22.800 And so it makes sense that I would have to shift the people 366 00:13:22.800 --> 00:13:23.800 that surround me. 367 00:13:23.800 --> 00:13:26.920 And it's only the romantic story that we were told 368 00:13:26.920 --> 00:13:28.760 of friends for life, et cetera. 369 00:13:28.760 --> 00:13:30.880 But if you talk to 85 year olds, 370 00:13:30.880 --> 00:13:32.360 they will tell you the friends they've had 371 00:13:32.360 --> 00:13:34.080 throughout their lives with the majority of them 372 00:13:34.080 --> 00:13:35.600 being friends for convenience. 373 00:13:35.600 --> 00:13:37.760 They were next door neighbors, they were whatever. 374 00:13:37.760 --> 00:13:39.480 But with the interconnectivity we have now 375 00:13:39.480 --> 00:13:42.520 with the internet, we can find those rare friends more easily. 376 00:13:42.520 --> 00:13:45.000 But if you die with one good friend or two good friends, 377 00:13:45.000 --> 00:13:46.840 like you've had a really good life. 378 00:13:46.880 --> 00:13:49.400 So I think those people change. 379 00:13:49.400 --> 00:13:52.400 And for me, I don't regret the seasons 380 00:13:52.400 --> 00:13:53.800 that I've had with someone. 381 00:13:53.800 --> 00:13:55.400 But I just see them as seasons. 382 00:13:55.400 --> 00:13:57.080 So for the people who were like, well, 383 00:13:57.080 --> 00:13:59.720 your hometown home is always have your back, right? 384 00:13:59.720 --> 00:14:01.800 No, not necessarily. 385 00:14:01.800 --> 00:14:03.040 Give you a hundred examples of people 386 00:14:03.040 --> 00:14:04.920 who haven't had your back, you know what I mean? 387 00:14:04.920 --> 00:14:07.600 And it's cool that you guys have whatever that is. 388 00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:09.840 The question is, is that going to last forever? 389 00:14:09.840 --> 00:14:13.320 And how many challenges have come up to that, right? 390 00:14:13.320 --> 00:14:14.680 Because it's not, do they have your back? 391 00:14:14.680 --> 00:14:16.600 It's how much do they have your back? 392 00:14:16.600 --> 00:14:18.400 And will they have your back forever? 393 00:14:19.400 --> 00:14:21.040 They might have your back now. 394 00:14:21.040 --> 00:14:23.680 But when they have a wife and two kids and a job, 395 00:14:23.680 --> 00:14:26.800 ah, all of a sudden they're not willing to trade as much 396 00:14:26.800 --> 00:14:28.640 to maintain their relationship. 397 00:14:28.640 --> 00:14:30.520 So then that means they love you less. 398 00:14:30.520 --> 00:14:32.080 So maybe they won't do it forever. 399 00:14:32.080 --> 00:14:33.280 And so maybe you're just holding on to something 400 00:14:33.280 --> 00:14:35.720 that is fictitious as your mind that Disney sold you. 401 00:14:36.720 --> 00:14:37.840 That is very, very, very rare. 402 00:14:37.840 --> 00:14:40.560 Not saying it doesn't happen, I'm just saying it's very unlikely. 403 00:14:40.560 --> 00:14:42.960 And so I think they might have your back now 404 00:14:42.960 --> 00:14:44.280 in this circumstance. 405 00:14:44.280 --> 00:14:47.720 If it's like at a bar where the guy like shoves you 406 00:14:47.720 --> 00:14:51.640 and like my homies have my back, that's not saying much. 407 00:14:51.640 --> 00:14:53.760 Like there are strangers who will jump 408 00:14:53.760 --> 00:14:56.440 in to stop a fight to defend somebody. 409 00:14:56.440 --> 00:14:58.680 So is that really saying anything? 410 00:14:58.680 --> 00:14:59.680 I don't know, I don't think so. 411 00:14:59.680 --> 00:15:00.880 For me, that's not enough. 412 00:15:01.840 --> 00:15:05.840 So right now, you, your emozination, you're in it, 413 00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:08.080 you think long, you want to develop the skills, 414 00:15:08.080 --> 00:15:10.280 you want to build a company that's a great company 415 00:15:10.280 --> 00:15:12.040 that delivers great value to people, 416 00:15:12.040 --> 00:15:15.240 that's a good place to work, that encourages others. 417 00:15:15.240 --> 00:15:18.080 The steps of doing that is that you have to be willing 418 00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:20.760 to have hard conversations. 419 00:15:20.760 --> 00:15:22.480 I think Tim Ferriss said this is like the speed 420 00:15:22.480 --> 00:15:24.120 that you go through life is the speed 421 00:15:24.120 --> 00:15:25.360 with which you can have hard conversations 422 00:15:25.360 --> 00:15:27.200 or the number of hard conversations you can have. 423 00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:28.560 And I wholeheartedly agree. 424 00:15:28.560 --> 00:15:30.080 Which means either you fade out people 425 00:15:30.080 --> 00:15:31.480 or you have to confront the people 426 00:15:31.480 --> 00:15:32.400 and you just be honest. 427 00:15:32.400 --> 00:15:34.280 And the easiest way that I can tell you to be honest 428 00:15:34.280 --> 00:15:36.720 is you know when you talk about somebody behind their back, 429 00:15:36.720 --> 00:15:39.400 what you'd say, just say it to them. 430 00:15:40.360 --> 00:15:42.520 So yeah, Sandra's been like all over the place lately 431 00:15:42.520 --> 00:15:44.320 and she's like, I don't drink it a little bit too much 432 00:15:44.320 --> 00:15:46.600 and not sure if I want to associate that. 433 00:15:46.600 --> 00:15:48.840 Sandra, you've been all over the place lately, 434 00:15:48.840 --> 00:15:49.960 you've been drinking a little bit too much. 435 00:15:49.960 --> 00:15:52.040 I'm just not sure if I want to associate with that right now. 436 00:15:52.040 --> 00:15:53.520 So either you got to change or we got to, 437 00:15:53.520 --> 00:15:55.480 we got to separate our distance ourselves for a while 438 00:15:55.480 --> 00:15:57.040 while you're going through this. 439 00:15:57.040 --> 00:15:59.000 You just say to them, people just don't have the balls 440 00:15:59.000 --> 00:15:59.840 to do that, but if you do that, 441 00:15:59.840 --> 00:16:01.640 I promise you you either have better relationships 442 00:16:01.640 --> 00:16:03.880 or you'll be done with this Mickey Mouse bullshit 443 00:16:03.880 --> 00:16:05.600 of not even being in a real relationship 444 00:16:05.600 --> 00:16:07.400 and not wanting to confront reality. 445 00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:10.280 So just have the hard convo and be in or be out. 446 00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:13.320 And once you have the vacuum of friends 447 00:16:13.320 --> 00:16:15.160 because you'll probably have weeded people out, 448 00:16:15.160 --> 00:16:17.240 then the best thing to do is join communities, right? 449 00:16:17.240 --> 00:16:18.800 And then you'll make friends people in those communities 450 00:16:18.800 --> 00:16:20.240 who have the same goals as you. 451 00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:22.240 And then if you crush it 452 00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:23.760 because you understand that volume is the answer 453 00:16:23.760 --> 00:16:25.360 and time is the ingredient, 454 00:16:25.360 --> 00:16:28.960 then you're going to rise in that community 455 00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:29.880 and you'll gain more status 456 00:16:29.880 --> 00:16:31.160 and you'll start hanging out with people 457 00:16:31.160 --> 00:16:32.040 who are at the top of that community 458 00:16:32.040 --> 00:16:34.080 and then you can leap frog into other communities. 459 00:16:34.080 --> 00:16:36.320 It's just lunch tables on steroids. 460 00:16:36.400 --> 00:16:38.320 What it is, you sit with the people 461 00:16:38.320 --> 00:16:39.920 that are trying to do the same thing as you 462 00:16:39.920 --> 00:16:42.000 and then once they're only talking about football 463 00:16:42.000 --> 00:16:44.040 and you want to start talking about colleges, 464 00:16:44.040 --> 00:16:45.840 then you switch the tables talking about colleges. 465 00:16:45.840 --> 00:16:46.680 You have to figure out what you want 466 00:16:46.680 --> 00:16:47.600 because you need to lynch the rich 467 00:16:47.600 --> 00:16:48.520 to make all your decisions. 468 00:16:48.520 --> 00:16:51.640 So you can't say, I want to cut these friends 469 00:16:51.640 --> 00:16:54.040 because they aren't going to help me get where I'm going 470 00:16:54.040 --> 00:16:55.320 because you don't know where you're going. 471 00:16:55.320 --> 00:16:57.720 So there's that, an old Indian saying 472 00:16:57.720 --> 00:17:00.320 that if you don't know where you're going, 473 00:17:00.320 --> 00:17:01.760 any road will take you there. 474 00:17:01.760 --> 00:17:04.960 And so we also know that many times 475 00:17:05.080 --> 00:17:05.920 you don't know where you're going, 476 00:17:05.920 --> 00:17:07.720 it'll take you somewhere that you don't want to go. 477 00:17:07.720 --> 00:17:10.440 And so I think just getting really clear on what it is you want. 478 00:17:10.440 --> 00:17:12.520 Now the thing is is that that can change. 479 00:17:12.520 --> 00:17:14.520 Like that's the big, people think that like the thing 480 00:17:14.520 --> 00:17:16.960 that they pick is the goal has to be impermanent. 481 00:17:16.960 --> 00:17:19.920 Now I will say this, the longer you can have the same goal, 482 00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:22.640 the more of your life you directionally align 483 00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:25.160 in one way, the more compounding works in your favor. 484 00:17:25.160 --> 00:17:26.680 Every time you switch career paths, 485 00:17:26.680 --> 00:17:27.520 you start at zero again. 486 00:17:27.520 --> 00:17:29.280 Now you start the experience and the skills 487 00:17:29.280 --> 00:17:32.200 so you want to build on that, but not totally started zero. 488 00:17:32.200 --> 00:17:33.440 So that's kind of the nuance there. 489 00:17:33.720 --> 00:17:35.760 If you go from publishing books and music 490 00:17:35.760 --> 00:17:38.240 to making a book music publishing thing, 491 00:17:38.240 --> 00:17:39.520 those are both additive. 492 00:17:39.520 --> 00:17:41.960 But if you go from book publishing to mortgage sales, 493 00:17:41.960 --> 00:17:43.960 it's like, okay, that's a bit of a shift. 494 00:17:43.960 --> 00:17:46.720 And so ideally you don't want to start at zero and always build, 495 00:17:46.720 --> 00:17:49.080 but the goal can change and the way I like to articulate it 496 00:17:49.080 --> 00:17:50.720 is that it's not that the goal changed. 497 00:17:50.720 --> 00:17:53.280 It got clearer or more refined. 498 00:17:53.280 --> 00:17:56.360 A great one of understanding what you want is not even being 499 00:17:56.360 --> 00:17:59.040 crystal clear on what it is, but just being directional. 500 00:17:59.040 --> 00:18:01.200 So it's like, well, I want this more than that. 501 00:18:02.200 --> 00:18:04.160 I want this more than that. 502 00:18:04.160 --> 00:18:05.400 And so you don't have to be perfect. 503 00:18:05.400 --> 00:18:06.240 You don't have to be right. 504 00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:08.920 You just have to know like, well, I want to make money. 505 00:18:08.920 --> 00:18:12.240 Okay, well, these activities don't make me money. 506 00:18:12.240 --> 00:18:13.720 So then I will do more of these things. 507 00:18:13.720 --> 00:18:15.680 And then when you're in that, you're like, okay, 508 00:18:15.680 --> 00:18:18.040 I like building stuff more than it's like cool. 509 00:18:18.040 --> 00:18:20.720 Then you're engineering products code, et cetera. 510 00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:22.440 You're like, I like being on camera more than you're 511 00:18:22.440 --> 00:18:24.040 more promotion, marketing, whatever. 512 00:18:24.040 --> 00:18:26.000 And then you're in there and you're like, okay, 513 00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:28.600 I like being on camera, but I don't like being public. 514 00:18:28.640 --> 00:18:31.360 So it's like, okay, well, then why don't we talk about sales? 515 00:18:31.360 --> 00:18:32.480 Or it's like, I like doing that, 516 00:18:32.480 --> 00:18:34.000 but I don't like talking to people individually. 517 00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:35.560 Then let's talk about promotion, right? 518 00:18:35.560 --> 00:18:37.640 So like, you just start weaving your way in 519 00:18:37.640 --> 00:18:39.960 because I think like intelligent design 520 00:18:39.960 --> 00:18:41.680 only happens in retrospect, right? 521 00:18:41.680 --> 00:18:43.520 It only looks like an intelligent path 522 00:18:43.520 --> 00:18:46.360 when we describe it in our ears, right? 523 00:18:47.360 --> 00:18:49.640 And so I think if you give yourself permission 524 00:18:49.640 --> 00:18:53.240 to just say, all I have to know is which one I want more 525 00:18:53.240 --> 00:18:55.480 and then just keep choosing between mores. 526 00:18:55.480 --> 00:18:56.720 You'll get to where you're trying to go 527 00:18:56.720 --> 00:18:58.040 rather than trying to pick the perfect spot 528 00:18:58.040 --> 00:18:59.400 because you don't have enough information 529 00:18:59.400 --> 00:19:00.560 to make the right call. 530 00:19:00.560 --> 00:19:03.080 So it's more about just directionally choosing, 531 00:19:03.080 --> 00:19:04.600 getting going on the paths. 532 00:19:04.600 --> 00:19:06.360 And then with each step, the next path becomes, 533 00:19:06.360 --> 00:19:08.320 the next step of the path becomes a little bit more eliminated 534 00:19:08.320 --> 00:19:09.360 and then you can pivot your way 535 00:19:09.360 --> 00:19:10.880 to where you ultimately want to go, 536 00:19:10.880 --> 00:19:13.200 which is through time and repetition. 537 00:19:13.200 --> 00:19:17.200 So people will judge you on how you spend their time 538 00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:19.360 and their judgments are simply expressions 539 00:19:19.360 --> 00:19:21.880 that they would not spend their time the same way you do 540 00:19:21.880 --> 00:19:23.360 and then you say, obviously, 541 00:19:23.360 --> 00:19:25.480 because we're not the same people. 542 00:19:25.520 --> 00:19:27.480 And so what feels like an insult 543 00:19:27.480 --> 00:19:29.920 is really just a statement of fact, 544 00:19:29.920 --> 00:19:31.880 hey, you work a lot. 545 00:19:31.880 --> 00:19:34.480 And I could say, hey, you don't. 546 00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:36.560 The only reason that there's any emotional charge there 547 00:19:36.560 --> 00:19:39.120 is because of the judgment we label on that statement. 548 00:19:39.120 --> 00:19:40.880 And so to the same degree, it's like, 549 00:19:40.880 --> 00:19:43.880 you spend so much time with your kids, right? 550 00:19:43.880 --> 00:19:44.920 If I say it like that, people are like, 551 00:19:44.920 --> 00:19:46.720 wait, no, I'm supposed to. 552 00:19:46.720 --> 00:19:48.360 It's only the supposed to this thing 553 00:19:48.360 --> 00:19:50.360 that gives all the emotional charge to these conversations. 554 00:19:50.360 --> 00:19:52.120 Otherwise, it's just observing reality, 555 00:19:52.120 --> 00:19:54.480 which is one person might spend more time with their kids, 556 00:19:54.480 --> 00:19:55.600 one person might not. 557 00:19:55.600 --> 00:19:58.160 Now, people then say, hey, well, when I'm 85, 558 00:19:58.160 --> 00:20:00.640 I'm not gonna want the career growth I had. 559 00:20:00.640 --> 00:20:02.560 I'm gonna wish that I had my family there. 560 00:20:02.560 --> 00:20:04.200 Now, if you really wanna get heavy about it, 561 00:20:04.200 --> 00:20:05.960 how much of your life are you alive? 562 00:20:05.960 --> 00:20:07.360 And if you only regret this moment, 563 00:20:07.360 --> 00:20:09.760 compared to all of this, was it the wrong call? 564 00:20:09.760 --> 00:20:11.560 You really wanna get deep on it, right? 565 00:20:11.560 --> 00:20:13.560 But you could also come from the perspective of like, 566 00:20:13.560 --> 00:20:15.720 I have more context here and I can look back 567 00:20:15.720 --> 00:20:17.840 on my entire life and see what I enjoyed. 568 00:20:17.840 --> 00:20:22.360 But for me, I want to do epic shit. 569 00:20:22.360 --> 00:20:26.160 And if I die and don't do epic shit, I will be bummed. 570 00:20:26.160 --> 00:20:27.840 And so, I'm willing to make that trade 571 00:20:27.840 --> 00:20:29.200 and I've had conversations with my future self 572 00:20:29.200 --> 00:20:30.920 about what I'm doing right now and he's cool with it. 573 00:20:30.920 --> 00:20:31.760 He gets it. 574 00:20:31.760 --> 00:20:35.320 So, that's how I, way through those waters. 575 00:20:35.320 --> 00:20:37.000 I think that people don't like the idea 576 00:20:37.000 --> 00:20:40.200 that relationships are transactional, but they are. 577 00:20:40.200 --> 00:20:43.920 And transactional just has a commercial vibe to it. 578 00:20:43.920 --> 00:20:46.760 But if we just think about it as from a behavior standpoint, 579 00:20:46.760 --> 00:20:48.760 you've got two things that can happen. 580 00:20:48.760 --> 00:20:51.920 A behavior is reinforced or it is punished. 581 00:20:51.920 --> 00:20:52.760 That's it. 582 00:20:52.760 --> 00:20:54.180 And so, when you have exchanges, 583 00:20:54.180 --> 00:20:56.080 quite literally with people, 584 00:20:56.080 --> 00:20:59.200 those exchanges are either reinforced or they're punished. 585 00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:00.040 That's it. 586 00:21:00.040 --> 00:21:03.040 And so, the restating the original question, 587 00:21:03.040 --> 00:21:07.400 which is, would I regret cutting off relationships, 588 00:21:07.400 --> 00:21:08.400 which punished me? 589 00:21:09.240 --> 00:21:11.400 No, not at all. 590 00:21:11.400 --> 00:21:14.080 Would I be okay with the fact that there are relationships 591 00:21:14.080 --> 00:21:17.080 that were reinforced positively for a period of time 592 00:21:17.080 --> 00:21:20.440 and then the positive to negative ratio shifted 593 00:21:20.440 --> 00:21:21.800 and at that point, I cut it. 594 00:21:23.040 --> 00:21:27.600 Now, because I could see that as I got the best part 595 00:21:27.600 --> 00:21:29.160 of that relationship. 596 00:21:29.160 --> 00:21:30.680 And if I were to keep that relationship 597 00:21:30.680 --> 00:21:33.160 for the next 30 years, I probably hate that person. 598 00:21:33.160 --> 00:21:35.000 So, I get to have all the good memories 599 00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:38.320 and we got to have our trees inner weave 600 00:21:38.320 --> 00:21:41.440 for a period, a season and not forever. 601 00:21:41.440 --> 00:21:44.440 And I think it's because humans want to live forever. 602 00:21:44.440 --> 00:21:45.760 I think it's like a deep human desire 603 00:21:45.760 --> 00:21:46.960 so we don't wanna die. 604 00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:50.000 And so, because of that, we project that onto everything. 605 00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:52.280 We want everything to be impermanent, families forever. 606 00:21:52.280 --> 00:21:53.720 Not really, you die, that's it. 607 00:21:53.720 --> 00:21:57.040 And you're a bloodline deluded in fucking 100 generations. 608 00:21:57.040 --> 00:21:57.880 So, is it? 609 00:21:57.880 --> 00:21:58.720 I don't know. 610 00:21:58.720 --> 00:22:00.080 We're all family here. 611 00:22:00.080 --> 00:22:03.840 Because if you go back 100 generations, right? 612 00:22:03.840 --> 00:22:05.760 It's far fewer people, so we are family. 613 00:22:05.760 --> 00:22:06.880 So, but do you feel that way now? 614 00:22:06.880 --> 00:22:09.520 No, hmm, interesting. 615 00:22:09.520 --> 00:22:12.240 So, I like to think of things in seasons, 616 00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:14.200 which is this person and the thing is, 617 00:22:14.200 --> 00:22:17.040 is I can honor a relationship and say like, 618 00:22:17.040 --> 00:22:19.880 he was a homie of mine and not think less of him 619 00:22:19.880 --> 00:22:22.720 because it no longer made sense. 620 00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:25.400 Just like, this is a perfect example. 621 00:22:25.400 --> 00:22:27.920 At least this is how I see past relationships. 622 00:22:27.920 --> 00:22:30.760 Every past relationship that I've had romantically, 623 00:22:30.760 --> 00:22:32.400 I've got nothing but love for the person. 624 00:22:32.400 --> 00:22:34.560 I genuinely just want the best for them. 625 00:22:34.560 --> 00:22:37.360 Because they shared a period of my life with me. 626 00:22:37.360 --> 00:22:41.440 And so, just because I'm not seeing them anymore, 627 00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:44.480 doesn't mean that I don't wish them well. 628 00:22:44.480 --> 00:22:46.000 I want them to succeed. 629 00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:47.680 And I heard this quote, I think it was a two-pot quote, 630 00:22:47.680 --> 00:22:50.360 which is like, just because we're no longer friends, 631 00:22:50.360 --> 00:22:51.520 doesn't mean I don't want you to eat. 632 00:22:51.520 --> 00:22:53.760 It just means I don't want you at my table. 633 00:22:53.760 --> 00:22:55.360 And so, that's how I see it. 634 00:22:55.360 --> 00:22:56.200 You know what I mean? 635 00:22:56.200 --> 00:22:57.360 Like, I want them to do well. 636 00:22:57.360 --> 00:22:58.800 It's just like, they would better be served 637 00:22:58.800 --> 00:23:01.480 with people who want the same things as them, right? 638 00:23:01.480 --> 00:23:03.040 In the same way in a romantic relationship, 639 00:23:03.040 --> 00:23:04.680 one person's like, I want to stay home, 640 00:23:04.680 --> 00:23:06.160 the other person's like, I want to work, 641 00:23:06.160 --> 00:23:08.360 unless they both want that, then this doesn't make sense. 642 00:23:08.360 --> 00:23:09.320 And that's okay. 643 00:23:09.320 --> 00:23:11.160 If someone's like, I want to have kids, 644 00:23:11.160 --> 00:23:14.120 it's a non-negotiable, and they absolutely love each other. 645 00:23:14.120 --> 00:23:15.840 The other person says, I absolutely don't want to have kids, 646 00:23:15.840 --> 00:23:16.920 it's a non-negotiable, 647 00:23:16.960 --> 00:23:19.000 then they were not willing to give up 648 00:23:19.000 --> 00:23:21.160 something to keep the relationship. 649 00:23:21.160 --> 00:23:24.760 If it's truly a non-negotiable, then it's a non-negotiable. 650 00:23:24.760 --> 00:23:25.960 And so does it mean the other person's bad? 651 00:23:25.960 --> 00:23:27.680 No, it means they want different things. 652 00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:29.560 And so, no, when at the end of my life, 653 00:23:29.560 --> 00:23:32.400 if I have many, many friends over different seasons, 654 00:23:32.400 --> 00:23:33.800 I'm totally cool with that, 655 00:23:33.800 --> 00:23:35.600 because I just got to rock with people 656 00:23:35.600 --> 00:23:38.040 who wanted to rock the same way I did for that season. 657 00:23:38.040 --> 00:23:39.160 And if things changed in their life, 658 00:23:39.160 --> 00:23:40.680 maybe they got married, they got to have kids, 659 00:23:40.680 --> 00:23:42.320 and they don't want the same things anymore 660 00:23:42.320 --> 00:23:43.360 in terms of what they're willing to trade 661 00:23:43.360 --> 00:23:44.200 at their time for. 662 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:45.440 Cool. 663 00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:46.440 Thank you for that season. 664 00:23:46.440 --> 00:23:47.400 It was awesome. 665 00:23:47.400 --> 00:23:49.440 Loved it, just like pro football players. 666 00:23:49.440 --> 00:23:50.920 They can look back at seasons with players 667 00:23:50.920 --> 00:23:52.680 that they were on the same team as, 668 00:23:52.680 --> 00:23:53.640 and then they switched teams. 669 00:23:53.640 --> 00:23:55.320 It's not like they want them to break their leg. 670 00:23:55.320 --> 00:23:56.360 They just think back about the time 671 00:23:56.360 --> 00:23:57.320 they got to play together. 672 00:23:57.320 --> 00:23:58.160 And that was a great time. 673 00:23:58.160 --> 00:24:00.880 And I will take that to my grave when I'm in 85. 674 00:24:00.880 --> 00:24:03.200 But I don't believe things need to be forever to be good.