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Hello, everyone. Happy Sunday. Hope you guys are having a great start. We're at the beginning of the end or end of the beginning of the weekend.

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Um, and so I wanted to make a video for you today or podcast. I was gonna originally call this how to deal with shit, but instead I'm going with no pain, no gain.

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Um, and so I wanted to outline two of the strategies that I think have helped me become more resilient, um, in the face of like a mental strife.

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And I think that as we continue to grow in entrepreneurship and the size of our country's grow and impact, et cetera, like having strong processes, mental processes in place in order to safeguard yourself, uh, become more and more important.

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And so, um, one of the ones that I wanted to bring up, uh, is around anger. And so I think whenever anything bad happens, right? There's typically one of two responses. Either you become angry or you become sad, right?

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Sometimes they happen in different order. You know, like some people never get sats. I mean, whenever you get angry, some people get both, you know, it's just kind of, it's a mix.

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Um, I can really only speak to the anger side because I'm just not, I'm not like a sad, like I just don't go that way. Like when something bad happens, um, because immediately, even if I'm a feeling of sadness, I get angry with myself for feeling that way for feeling weak and not taking control and then I get angry.

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I mean, so it's almost immediate. But then, then what happens is, um, what do you do with that anger? And so, um, Friday, I went to that and said, like, why do we get angry, right?

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We get angry because typically we feel wronged, right? And so that immediately comes from a place of elevation, like you feel like you were above something, how dare someone do something to you. And it's typically someone who you brought into your circle, who then betrays you in a certain way, whatever that be now in a business context.

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There's lots of different types of betrayal and relationships. There's lots of different types of betrayal. Um, but usually it's just you feel wrong, right? It's, it's typically when a promise is made or an unspoken promise is made and then it is broken, right?

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And then that is where you feel like justice is warranted, right? And so since you don't see that person suffering for the feeling that you have, you want to make them suffer, right? And that's kind of kind of where the anger comes from, at least to my, to my understanding.

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So how do you deal with this, right? Because the bigger you get, the more times we were going to break things or break what you perceive to be relationships and do things that are wrong, like the amount of times we, I mean, just, I wish I could give you a longer list of all the things that have happened, you know what I mean, to, to give context, but like,

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and any partnership stealing money, like, I mean, like literally, you know, like employees going behind your back, trying to tell people to refund against you and that they're going to do something for like everything you can possibly imagine, right? You know, just everything you can imagine has happened, right?

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And so the thing is, like, I think that in order to continue to grow, you need to have really strong processes in place in order to process these things where they will destroy you, right? They'll destroy you.

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And so there's two cornerstone stories that shaped my life that I wanted to share with you. So the first one is from when I was in high school, when I was in ninth grade, I had a teacher named Steve Gibbons, he's the one who stayed with me after school, a lot of the after school donations stuff that we do is, is a big part because of that.

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And he worked out with me after school every day. And so when I was in ninth grade, I remember I was such an angry kid, but I think a lot of people are, you know, in ninth grade, like you're confused your kid, whatever.

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But I was, I was a pretty angry kid and he, I was like, man, I can't wait to come back at the high school reunion. I'm going to show everyone, you know, blah, blah, blah.

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And he was like, that doesn't, that doesn't actually work in reality. And I was like, what do you mean? I was like, I'm going to show them. And he was like, if you actually come back 10 years from now, and you go up somebody who's like, bugged you, and you tell them that like, look at you now, he's like, you're going to look like an idiot, because they're going to know that you've been thinking about them this whole time.

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And they didn't even think about you, like they forgot you existed. He's like, so there's, you can't do that because then you actually have already lost. And I was like, shit, like, what am I, like, how do I, you know, I mean, how do I get this out, you know, I mean, how to get this, this rage on, what do I do, right?

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And so you left me with a statement that whenever I get really angry about something I turn to, which is success is the only revenge. And so that's been something that's always cycled in my head whenever I get really upset about something like really angry where I feel like someone wrong to me.

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It's success is the only revenge because it's the only thing you can do if you think about it. There's nothing else you can do, right? You can't go hurt people. That's not going to serve you. You're going to get hurt in the long run, right?

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There's a lot of people who've said this statement, but I like a lot, which is like, being angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

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And so all it is is you just brewed and get angry and you become less effective, right? And so then, and then sometimes it starts turning towards yourself. You start becoming self-destructive instead of destroying the other person.

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And then it's like, then they win even more. And then it makes you more angry. You know what I mean? It's, it's a cycle. And so the only way that I've been able to break that is by understanding and continually repeating that, which is like success is the only revenge, which then allows you to sublimate, which is taking a negative emotion and getting a positive, a positive outcome from it.

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And so I learned about that with that is sublimation. It's like when you are upset, go for a run, and then all of a sudden something that was negative in your life becomes a benefit, becomes a positive, right?

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And so for me, and obviously depends on the level of the grievance that you're going through, how much anger you have and how much you need to expend in order to kind of come back to baseline, right?

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Is with the initial burst of rage, and I think I would describe it more as rage, or at least that's how I, I experience it, just like, you know what I mean?

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But for me, it's the only way that I've been able to get around that stuff. And the thing is, is the longer in the game, the more things like this will happen, just because you're exposed to it by the nature of time, right?

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You're going to be wrong with more times, the bigger you are and the longer you stay in, right? The more beat up you are in the arena.

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And so the only way you can stay in is to keep yourself fit is to keep your head straight. And so success is the only revenge. And so channel everything into that into the thing that's going to be the only revenge you have, which is continuing to succeed.

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And yeah, that's it. So that's that's like cornerstone story number one that has has helped me deal with anger. And that's in the immediate to how to diffuse it in the moment when you want to go and write some nasty Facebook poster, do some really mean live or blah, blah, blah, whatever it is, right?

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Whenever you have that feeling and you type it up, and you're like, I shouldn't send this like you probably shouldn't, right? And just remembering that is like being ingrained in my mind. And maybe it's because it was such a young age that I heard it, but it was like, I was so angry at that time. And then that's when I started lifting harder.

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I mean, it's just she's like, take it out on the wait man, he and like, and so he helped me push that in the right direction. And so, and I'm always grateful for it. And obviously as you get older, sometimes like you can push it into the way I am going to go workout, but sometimes there's still some leftover, you know, and so what do you do with that? And so when you have the leftover anger or anger after the after the dust settles, you're still enraved about something, right? What do you do?

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Hey, if you're a return listener and you have not rated or reviewed the show, I want you to know that you should feel absolutely terrible about yourself and everything else in the world. I'm kidding, but it would mean the absolute words of me if you guys would go ahead and do that.

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You don't even have to pause to show you keep listening and you can just do it with your thumb right now. It'll take you less than 60 seconds. And like I said, the only way that podcast grows through word of mouth. And this is you joining hands with me and helping as many entrepreneurs as you possibly can because no one is coming to save us. It's just us. All right. So please go do that now. And let's get back to the show.

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So for me, I was, I mean, obviously we've been maybe more times than once in your life. And so a deep ranger was towards a parent I had. And so I still have.

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And the way that I dealt with that was I actually had a paper that I had to write in college and it was on mental disorders. And so we had to pick someone we knew actually and then look at what potential disorders they might have.

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It was a weird kind of paper, but it was in terms of psychology or something like that. So anyways, I took it and you had to look at all of the person because you have to look at psychology in terms of how people development, you know, I mean, like, you know, where were they each of these developmental stages, what things are they going through based on what you have, you can interview the mess and more

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portions so you get more insight. And then you write a paper, you know, about that person and what factors may have potentially created who they are, their identity, their personality, their value system, right, all that stuff.

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And once I wrote this, the person that I was extremely upset with was what I wrote it about. And by the end of finishing the paper, I was no longer upset with them because I understood them and I understood why.

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And so the second kind of big quote. So the first one is success is the only revenge. I think the second quote is to understand is to forgive.

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You can't understand and be angry at the same time. It's actually really difficult.

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And so the moment you really truly understand someone or truly understand where someone is coming from and see their perspective truly, not just say, like, I get where you're like, I get your side, but not like what they're saying, but what experiences they went through to create the value system that creates that worldview, like true, deep understanding.

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Once you have that, it's really difficult to be angry. And so I think in like the 911 urgency moment, you have to like channel it into something that's going to supplement something that's going to be a positive benefit to you from the initial rate, right. And then after that, after you have your, you know, your bigger journal in Russia, whatever it's gone.

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Then you have to look at like, okay, what experiences this person go through, what upbringing, what, what things have happened, what things have happened recently, what things have happened long term that might have created an environment inside of this person where they would think this was okay.

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Right. And so a lot of times thinking about it like and like really get in there. And so I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say this. So I was heartbroken once in my life.

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Not by a girl, but by my best friend. And what I mean by that was I had dated a girl for two years. And then I had split up with her. And it was a hard split up for me.

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I mean, I was the one who initiated that, but like it's still, you know, like you pick up anyone. It's still it's, it's a hard period of your life. And so I leaned on my friend, right. And then he was kind of nowhere to be seen. And I was like, I don't really get this. And a year later, I found out that, like,

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basically the moment that I'd split up, he had started dating her in secret for a whole year. And then they told me and they kept it like private from everyone like the entire school.

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Like they only met in secret. It was like this really super dodgy thing to show you kind of like how fucked up it was. But anyways, the moment I found out about that, it was like pure rage.

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You know what I mean, that that like how dare they do like keep this for me and be you know, do this in secret like so deceptive and blah blah blah.

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You know what I mean, like just rage that I was experiencing. But I knew that as soon as that happened that I was going to be able to grow a lot from it. And so the way that I was able to get over that rage, right. And not do something really stupid was I wrote a story.

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Their love story from his perspective. And so I wrote this to try and understand like how would if I were him, how would I explain this, how would I tell this story of when people were like, oh my God, how'd you meet, right.

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How would he see this experience through his own lens that would allow him to be okay with making that action in secret despite us being best friends and all this kind of stuff, right.

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And then once I went through that whole thing, I understood and then I was no longer angry. I'm not saying that I thought it was right.

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But the emotion that was associated with it diffused. And then I was able to continue to function and then go back to the primary, which is success is the only revenge. And so it that's that's been kind of the one two pillars of dealing with like massive emotional issues in short periods of time.

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And you have to have that those tools, you know, I mean in your arsenal, that kind of armor because the like the higher up you go, the harder it gets, it doesn't get easier, it gets heavier and thicker.

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You know, I mean in the attacks get more direct and more personal and more whatever, right. That's why like sometimes I have no idea why people want to get into politics.

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I mean, like maybe sometime like I have no I have no clue how they go into it and just like or like this is worth it. I think that's really is like I don't know how they're like this is the trade off.

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I'm going to get destroyed publicly and like everyone's going to hate you for the rest of my life half the universe is going to hate me for my life. That's rough, you know.

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Anyways, that those are two of the cornerstone stories of my life that have dramatically shaped how I deal with very stressful things that happen.

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And I hope that that helps you if you ever have to deal with stressful things or things that anger you.

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I don't have one for being sad because I it's down, it's not, I was not super real for me right now. Maybe if I get really sad in the future about something I'll let you know how I do it.

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But for right now whenever I get sad, I get angry about the fact that I'm sad and I get right back to angry. So anyways, guys, have an amazing day. Hope you guys have a, a, a, an S word.

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It's actually Sunday. All right, busy.