WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.680 They literally feed them back the stats about their own life just as a white wash 2 00:00:03.680 --> 00:00:05.800 character so they don't either know they're reading about themselves. 3 00:00:06.040 --> 00:00:07.600 And they say, what do you think this person should do? 4 00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:13.440 They give better advice than what they actually do as the person that they're 5 00:00:13.440 --> 00:00:17.280 describing. And so it means that we give better advice than we follow. 6 00:00:20.360 --> 00:00:23.040 Welcome to the game where we talk about how to get more customers, how to make 7 00:00:23.040 --> 00:00:26.160 more customers, how to keep them longer in the many failures and lessons we have 8 00:00:26.160 --> 00:00:28.400 learned along the way. I hope you enjoy and subscribe. 9 00:00:30.640 --> 00:00:34.400 One of the things that I think I really like about what I've heard you say on 10 00:00:34.400 --> 00:00:39.360 other shows before is that we can look at anything as a trainable skill. 11 00:00:40.000 --> 00:00:45.200 We can look at anything as a trainable skill. And one of the probably most 12 00:00:45.200 --> 00:00:51.120 beneficial skills that I've had that has been absolutely invaluable and 13 00:00:51.120 --> 00:00:56.560 inextricable from my success is the ability to make friends, the ability to make friends. 14 00:00:56.560 --> 00:00:59.840 And somebody think, oh, well, that's just natural. That's just, you know, 15 00:00:59.840 --> 00:01:04.560 it's just, he's just born with it. Well, yes, there's some certain attributes that 16 00:01:04.560 --> 00:01:11.200 some people have certain personality traits, etc. But actually learning how to make friends 17 00:01:11.200 --> 00:01:16.080 is also a trainable skill and part of that trainable skill. Like, how did Joe Rogan and I 18 00:01:16.080 --> 00:01:23.760 get to be friends? Well, I realized early on that people were interested if I had vast 19 00:01:23.760 --> 00:01:30.240 experience or unique novel things, stories I could share, things that I could talk about. So 20 00:01:30.240 --> 00:01:36.880 by the time I met Joe Rogan, I was, let's see, I met him when I was like 28. So I was 10 years 21 00:01:36.880 --> 00:01:42.640 into my own psychonotic journey. And I heard him talking about psychedelics and I was like, damn, 22 00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:47.600 I got a decade's worth of experience. I can tell him some crazy stories. And we can talk about 23 00:01:47.600 --> 00:01:52.720 that. And it was hell hard to get that first meeting. I had to come up with all kinds of different 24 00:01:52.720 --> 00:01:59.360 reasons and advertising this flashlight on his podcast. And I was like, and he was like, 25 00:01:59.360 --> 00:02:03.760 this is so weird, but there was no podcast advertising. So I recognized, I was like, we should 26 00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:07.760 meet for coffee to talk about. He's like, really? No, you can just fucking, I'll just send you the check. 27 00:02:07.760 --> 00:02:12.640 Like, it's like, no, no, no, like, let's meet for coffee because I trusted that if we met, 28 00:02:13.440 --> 00:02:19.040 that we would become friends. I trusted that. So I bet the whole thing on even willing to lose 29 00:02:19.040 --> 00:02:24.080 a deal. No, don't deal. Unless we just meet for coffee. Well, that coffee turned into a three and a 30 00:02:24.080 --> 00:02:28.240 half hour dinner, turned to him inviting me on the podcast, turned to a two year friendship, 31 00:02:28.240 --> 00:02:34.560 that two year friendship turned into a business partnership. And that was one of the ways that I was 32 00:02:34.560 --> 00:02:39.840 able to be successful. And it's still one of the ways in life today is I trust that through all of 33 00:02:39.840 --> 00:02:43.760 the different experiences, the challenging things that I've done, the interesting books that I've 34 00:02:44.320 --> 00:02:50.080 read, becoming a really interesting person, a person that someone wants to hang out with and also 35 00:02:50.080 --> 00:02:56.400 knowing how to navigate and regulate my energy so that I'm bringing a super like positive fun, 36 00:02:56.400 --> 00:03:04.240 competitive, whatever vibe into a situation so that my presence is additive to their experience 37 00:03:04.240 --> 00:03:11.280 with me. And that's something that not only is somewhat natural, but also I'm constantly cultivating. 38 00:03:11.360 --> 00:03:16.160 And I think for people out there who want to know like, how do I build a network like Aubrey, 39 00:03:16.160 --> 00:03:21.840 how do I have all of these friends that you can do stuff? Well, build mastery. Mastery is irresistibly 40 00:03:21.840 --> 00:03:29.440 attractive. Like I will talk to the world, you know, foot ping pong champion. If they're the, 41 00:03:29.440 --> 00:03:33.760 like I see those on Instagram, I don't know, my Instagram feed is always like people doing the 42 00:03:33.760 --> 00:03:39.920 craziest shit. I'm like, whoa, I will fucking have lunch with you. Like you were playing soccer ping 43 00:03:40.240 --> 00:03:45.120 and you're killing it. You know, like if you've done something like put yourself through the 44 00:03:45.120 --> 00:03:49.680 path of mastery, I'm going to want to hang out with you. Maybe that friendship won't last long, 45 00:03:49.680 --> 00:03:56.560 but there's something to training that skill so that you can become a friend to anybody that you 46 00:03:56.560 --> 00:04:05.920 meet. I love all of that. I do. I agree with all of them. Okay, so this might be really valuable 47 00:04:05.920 --> 00:04:13.360 for you guys. Right now, there's the person you are and there's probably, hopefully, 48 00:04:13.360 --> 00:04:18.160 the person you want to be and there's a gap, right? Let me agree on that. Okay, so that person that 49 00:04:18.160 --> 00:04:25.520 you want to be has traits and has skills that you don't have, right? And I think that traits 50 00:04:25.520 --> 00:04:32.240 have been a word that we use as shorthand for bucket of skills. When I say it that way, 51 00:04:32.240 --> 00:04:37.120 I think it will help make more sense. And so we might make the argument that if you were more 52 00:04:37.120 --> 00:04:41.760 charismatic, you would make more money. Let's say that that was that was the argument we're going 53 00:04:41.760 --> 00:04:46.480 to do. You're like, okay, for whatever profession I'm in, that would be true to me. Okay, fantastic. 54 00:04:47.360 --> 00:04:55.840 Be charismatic. What does that mean? And so right now, if so the more skill you are, 55 00:04:55.840 --> 00:04:59.440 the more general a command can be given to you and you can still be effective. 56 00:05:00.080 --> 00:05:05.040 So someone can at this point say, hey, Alex, can you start this business? And I would say sure. 57 00:05:05.600 --> 00:05:10.640 That's a very general command. Now, one level below that, it might be like, can you advertise 58 00:05:10.720 --> 00:05:16.720 this product? And I would say, yeah, I can do that. One level below that would be, do you think you 59 00:05:16.720 --> 00:05:22.320 can make a post that people would click on to buy this thing? And I would say, yes. And we can keep 60 00:05:22.320 --> 00:05:28.320 going down. But the point is that if you have a skill set that you want to attain and you don't 61 00:05:28.320 --> 00:05:34.320 know how to attain it, it's because you are using a bucketed word that represents many smaller 62 00:05:34.320 --> 00:05:39.120 skills. And so I'll use charisma as the example. So if we say this guy still charismatic, 63 00:05:40.160 --> 00:05:46.320 you have to ask yourself, release, I ask myself, why? Well, I describe him as charismatic because when 64 00:05:46.320 --> 00:05:52.880 he walks in the room, he greets everyone immediately. He uses people's names. He shakes their hand 65 00:05:52.880 --> 00:05:58.160 and he makes eye contact. When someone's talking to him, he makes eye contact and he nods his head. 66 00:05:58.160 --> 00:06:02.320 When he talks, he looks there and he looks at them and he bounces back and forth. 67 00:06:03.120 --> 00:06:08.640 He asks questions up to the other person about themselves when he's talking. Now, that's like 68 00:06:09.200 --> 00:06:16.080 seven things. If I said, do you think you can nod your head when someone else is talking and keep 69 00:06:16.080 --> 00:06:22.240 eye contact? You'd probably say, yeah, I can do that. It's a great. That's one of seven skills 70 00:06:22.240 --> 00:06:29.040 that it takes to master until eventually people will describe you as charismatic. And so if you 71 00:06:29.040 --> 00:06:33.040 don't understand how to do something, you just need to break it into a smaller chunk. Because like, 72 00:06:33.040 --> 00:06:39.280 we teach toddlers how to speak by approximating sound. It's like, and then they're like, they're like, 73 00:06:39.280 --> 00:06:43.920 they're like, and they're like, and they're like, and they're like, and then we keep doing until 74 00:06:43.920 --> 00:06:48.880 eventually they're like, and you're like, yeah, right? And so that's their first word. And then you 75 00:06:48.880 --> 00:06:52.560 start comparing things between what they know and what they don't know and making an association. 76 00:06:52.560 --> 00:06:59.040 You say, bottle, right? And then they're like, bottle. And so they like, they can see with their 77 00:06:59.040 --> 00:07:03.120 eyes, something they know. And then they don't know the word. And so that's how we teach things. And so 78 00:07:03.120 --> 00:07:08.080 if we consider, I like to think of myself as a toddler from a learning perspective, because it allows 79 00:07:08.080 --> 00:07:12.560 you to take your ego away from a skill. So a lot of times, the skills that we need to learn are on 80 00:07:12.560 --> 00:07:16.400 the other side of just kind of like humbling ourselves and saying, you know what? If someone said it, 81 00:07:16.400 --> 00:07:21.600 go advertise, I don't think I would be able to do it. It's like, okay, well, let's break it down into 82 00:07:21.600 --> 00:07:27.360 six things. Do you think you can message someone? I can do that. Well, that's that's a component 83 00:07:27.360 --> 00:07:32.480 of advertising. Do you think you could make a post that talks about something? That's interesting. 84 00:07:33.440 --> 00:07:37.840 Maybe. Okay. Well, do you think that you could ask a question in the beginning of a video that 85 00:07:37.840 --> 00:07:41.280 someone will find interesting? Yeah, I can do that. Okay. Well, then after that question, we then 86 00:07:41.280 --> 00:07:45.040 would make some sort of explanation around why we asked that. Okay. I think I can do that. Right? 87 00:07:45.040 --> 00:07:48.480 Okay. Then at the end, we want to reward them for the ultimate thing that we asked them to begin. 88 00:07:48.480 --> 00:07:53.120 Great. Well, great. If you record that and you post it, that's a piece of content. Okay. I can do that. 89 00:07:53.120 --> 00:07:57.520 And so the reason I like I write the books that I do and I try to try to try to make the content 90 00:07:57.520 --> 00:08:03.600 in that way is that if you can, if there's something that are trait you want or skill you want and 91 00:08:03.600 --> 00:08:07.840 you don't understand how to get it, it means you just need to break it into smaller pieces. Because if 92 00:08:07.840 --> 00:08:11.920 you break it down low enough, you'll be able to do it. And then when you have that, this is I'm 93 00:08:11.920 --> 00:08:15.360 going to fool 180 here. So remember when I talked about the beginning about you just need to figure 94 00:08:15.360 --> 00:08:18.800 out how much money you want to make every day. Right? I need to make $3,000 a day. Okay. That means 95 00:08:18.800 --> 00:08:23.600 I need to sell the spending units. Well, then you connect that and you sell the spending units 96 00:08:23.600 --> 00:08:29.360 to whatever activity or input you have to do. Because if you look at your calendar in terms of the 97 00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:35.120 things that you actually have to do with your time, then it gets a lot easier to plan and allocate. 98 00:08:35.120 --> 00:08:38.640 Because your time is your only resource, especially if you're starting out. And so it's like, I need to 99 00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:46.560 make 100 DMs because that will get me one customer. And one customer is worth $200. Great. 100 00:08:46.560 --> 00:08:53.040 That means that if I do this every day, I'll make $6,000 this month. Okay. Based on the economics, 101 00:08:53.040 --> 00:08:57.200 well, will those people buy again next month? If so, then great. The next month, I do 12, 102 00:08:57.200 --> 00:09:02.160 next month, I do 18. At that month, I hire somebody who's going to do it for $3,000 a month and then 103 00:09:02.160 --> 00:09:05.600 I can keep stacking. And then now I've got one person doing the same thing and the business 104 00:09:05.680 --> 00:09:13.040 keeps stacking. I'm like, wow, I'm a businessman, right? But that's the idea. Is that like, I believe in 105 00:09:13.040 --> 00:09:17.520 breaking things down to the absolute lowest level so that you can make it manageable. And then the more 106 00:09:17.520 --> 00:09:21.120 skill you become, the more you can bucket all of those activities, like if someone's going to say, 107 00:09:21.120 --> 00:09:25.760 hey, Alex, advertiser, if I was like, hey, I want to do this thing with you, this new supplement. 108 00:09:27.440 --> 00:09:31.680 Do you think you could write an email? And this is the headline for the email? And this, I'd be like, 109 00:09:31.680 --> 00:09:36.560 I got it. I'm good. You know, I'm like, understood. But if you was talking to somebody who was 110 00:09:36.560 --> 00:09:41.360 super junior, that's probably how we would describe it. But the only insist is that you are the person 111 00:09:41.360 --> 00:09:47.040 who's junior in this conversation and you are the one talking to yourself. And that's the gap. 112 00:09:47.840 --> 00:09:51.760 What is this person that I want to become half in terms of skills and traits? Can I break those 113 00:09:51.760 --> 00:09:56.000 things down into individuals? And then can I break that into activities that I can do on a daily basis 114 00:09:56.000 --> 00:10:00.160 and does that ladder up to the amount of money that I ultimately want to make? If so, great, 115 00:10:00.160 --> 00:10:10.880 but stopping. Let's go. Let's go. There's, and there's certain traits that people think also that 116 00:10:10.880 --> 00:10:16.880 you just have or you don't have. One of those would be humor, right? Humor. Well, humor is something 117 00:10:16.880 --> 00:10:20.800 that some people have a natural affinity towards. They're just kind of naturally funny. They've 118 00:10:20.800 --> 00:10:25.120 probably been funny for a while. Maybe they had a funny parent. I don't know what it is. However, 119 00:10:25.200 --> 00:10:31.280 there's improv classes that are available in every fucking city that help you think fast, 120 00:10:31.280 --> 00:10:38.320 think in unique ways and actually practice you practice being funny. And like this idea of like, 121 00:10:38.320 --> 00:10:42.000 oh, he's so funny. And of course, everybody wants somebody around who's funny because if you're 122 00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:47.760 hanging out and someone's funny, then the whole energy of the environment raises to another level. 123 00:10:47.760 --> 00:10:53.200 So your energy is actually cultivating another positive energy feedback loop because you're creating 124 00:10:53.200 --> 00:10:59.840 laughter in the space. So go to a fucking improv class. Practice being funny. And then you get 125 00:10:59.840 --> 00:11:06.080 more funny and then you find that meeting somewhere out there and something's going on and you come up 126 00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:10.800 with that funny thing or you improv this little skit and then you get a couple people laughing and then 127 00:11:10.800 --> 00:11:15.760 the people gravitate more towards you and they're like, oh, shit. And then all of a sudden that 128 00:11:15.760 --> 00:11:21.360 friendship can blossom off of this thing where you just have given yourself, well, I'm not that 129 00:11:21.360 --> 00:11:28.160 funny. Well, okay, work on it. You know, get better. You know, like there's very few things 130 00:11:28.160 --> 00:11:37.120 that you can't train yourself up to that you want. Just hype. Yeah. And then, you know, there's, 131 00:11:37.120 --> 00:11:43.360 but then there's also like, all right, how do I appear with that kind of largeness, 132 00:11:43.360 --> 00:11:48.960 largeness of presence and being? And that's also trainable. You know, like literally all of these 133 00:11:48.960 --> 00:11:54.640 things, even your physical attractiveness, you know, they've even done studies about how you stand, 134 00:11:54.640 --> 00:11:58.960 how you present yourself. I've seen a lot of people who look a lot of different ways, 135 00:11:59.520 --> 00:12:05.040 but you just look at them and you go, wow, that person is beautiful, right? And it's not actually 136 00:12:05.040 --> 00:12:11.120 the visage that they're wearing and all of these people chasing all this Instagram filter beauty. 137 00:12:11.120 --> 00:12:16.880 To me, I'm like, that's not beautiful to me. To me, in my eyes, I don't see that. Like, I see, yes, 138 00:12:16.880 --> 00:12:23.200 I recognize that there are, you know, physically attractive traits and qualities, but beauty is 139 00:12:23.200 --> 00:12:29.040 something that also can emanate from within is a skill that you can actually train yourself to 140 00:12:29.040 --> 00:12:34.960 actually be participatory in to the highest degree possible. So all of these different disclaimers 141 00:12:34.960 --> 00:12:40.400 of why you can't be this or do this throw all that shit out the window. Whatever you want, 142 00:12:40.400 --> 00:12:46.720 you can train that skill. I really believe that. I'm going to piggyback on that with violence. 143 00:12:51.760 --> 00:12:58.320 So the reason I want to bring that up is because I'll tell you the story because I think it might 144 00:12:58.320 --> 00:13:03.520 hit home. So when I was starting my first gym, I had a mentor and I wanted to advertise and 145 00:13:03.520 --> 00:13:07.520 get people to find out about my gym. And he had a bunch of tanning salons and I was like, hey, 146 00:13:07.520 --> 00:13:12.000 man, how do you get people in the tanning salon? He's like, oh, we just put flyers out. And I was 147 00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:17.440 like, oh, I'll go do that. And so I put it out 300 flyers because paper was expensive and I was 148 00:13:17.440 --> 00:13:26.800 broke. And so we put out 300 flyers. And I get back to gym and I was like, 300 flyers, 300 members, 149 00:13:26.800 --> 00:13:32.880 I was like, boom, I'm going to be full. And I did get a call. And he was a guy and he was like, hey, 150 00:13:32.880 --> 00:13:36.560 did you put this flyer on my car? And I was like, I did as a matter of fat kinds, sir. 151 00:13:37.360 --> 00:13:41.840 And he was like, you scratched my Mercedes. And I remember just like immediately hanging up the 152 00:13:41.840 --> 00:13:46.880 phone. Like I didn't even think about it. It was like, I don't have the money for this. And thank 153 00:13:46.880 --> 00:13:53.040 God, he never called back. But that was the only call I got from my 300 flyers. And so I called 154 00:13:53.040 --> 00:13:58.160 the mentor back up kind of pissed off. I was like, hey, man. He's like, oh, how'd that flyers 155 00:13:58.160 --> 00:14:02.240 thing go? And I was like, I'll tell you. I was like, it went terrible. I didn't know. I was like, 156 00:14:02.240 --> 00:14:05.760 I spent money on the flyers. And you know, we went out there, put them all out. And I was like, 157 00:14:05.760 --> 00:14:10.640 and all I got was a call from a pissed off guy. And he's like, well, how many should put out? 158 00:14:10.640 --> 00:14:17.040 I was like, I put out 300. He's like, 300? Like, yeah, 300. He's like, ah, 159 00:14:18.160 --> 00:14:21.520 not, you can't really know anything off 300. And I was like, what do you mean? He's like, 160 00:14:22.080 --> 00:14:27.600 I mean, we test with 5,000 just to like see if any, if like one flyer is good or not. He's like, 161 00:14:27.600 --> 00:14:36.400 and if it's good, we do 5,000 every day. I know. And I heard that. And I, and I felt like 162 00:14:36.400 --> 00:14:42.720 such a pansy. And I remember thinking to myself, that was 150,000 flyers a month that he was 163 00:14:42.720 --> 00:14:48.880 putting out to market his business. And I was calling him to get pissed off at him for the 164 00:14:48.880 --> 00:14:54.080 fact that my 300 didn't work. And so there's this big misconception when you're starting out 165 00:14:54.080 --> 00:15:00.480 about the volume of effort that is required to win. And one of the fastest shortcuts is to get 166 00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:06.320 around somebody who's already doing that level of volume because you just, you, you leapfrog levels, 167 00:15:06.320 --> 00:15:12.480 right? I remember I had a guy and I was doing it just for context on that math. I was doing one 168 00:15:13.680 --> 00:15:19.360 5,000th of his effort. So a lot of people were like, oh, he doesn't work twice as hard. He was 169 00:15:19.360 --> 00:15:25.120 working 5,000 times harder than me. And so like, people can't comprehend that because everyone's 170 00:15:25.120 --> 00:15:30.240 like special snowflake and whatnot. But from an output perspective, it was, it was, it wasn't, 171 00:15:30.240 --> 00:15:34.400 I was, I was a rounding ear. I literally was rounded to zero in terms of my level of effort. 172 00:15:34.400 --> 00:15:37.280 And a lot of the beginners that I see who are getting getting their business going, I want to say 173 00:15:37.280 --> 00:15:43.280 beginners, I, I'm, how do I say that the right way? Making less than a million bucks, I'm still 174 00:15:43.360 --> 00:15:51.760 including that in this kind of concept with, with volume is that it takes so much more volume 175 00:15:52.400 --> 00:15:59.920 and for so much longer than you expect. And so the best thing to do that I found is to find people 176 00:15:59.920 --> 00:16:05.840 who are actually succeeding at that level and find out how much volume they're doing and then 177 00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:10.160 double it. And the reason I say double it is because they're probably better than you add it. 178 00:16:10.240 --> 00:16:14.480 Like if I make 100 phone calls and you make 100 phone calls and assuming no reputation, whatever, 179 00:16:14.480 --> 00:16:18.800 I'll probably be better than you add it. Why? Because I did it for a long fucking time, right? 180 00:16:18.800 --> 00:16:24.480 That's all I did for a very long time to get people into a gym. And so my skill gives me leverage 181 00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:28.640 what I get back from what I put in. So I put 100 calls and you put 100 calls in. I get 10 appointments 182 00:16:28.640 --> 00:16:34.960 you get one or zero or leverage. But if you do 200, you'll be able to start catching up to me 183 00:16:34.960 --> 00:16:38.240 in terms of skill. You'll start getting better and better and better until eventually you're 184 00:16:38.240 --> 00:16:43.520 also getting 10. And now you're getting 10% of 200. Now you're getting 20, right? You're getting 185 00:16:43.520 --> 00:16:47.760 more than I am. But you have to put that extra like there's the work that you do to match someone. 186 00:16:47.760 --> 00:16:51.920 And then there's the work that you do to catch up. And I think that frame has been helpful for me 187 00:16:51.920 --> 00:16:56.880 when I was coming up because I don't know everyone's at in terms of their family, their life, whatever. 188 00:16:56.880 --> 00:17:01.360 But I remember looking at I had a mind you I started really young and well really young nowadays 189 00:17:01.360 --> 00:17:06.160 isn't young. But I was 23 when I started my gym. And there was a competitor down the street and 190 00:17:06.160 --> 00:17:11.040 I remember seeing him on Facebook like post a picture of him and his wife and his kids. And I was 191 00:17:11.040 --> 00:17:15.520 like, fuck yeah, I was like, he's enjoying his time. I was like, I'm fucking calling right now. 192 00:17:15.520 --> 00:17:21.040 I was like, I'm getting ahead of him. Now I'm competitive like that. And so I kind of like those 193 00:17:21.040 --> 00:17:25.200 rocky cutscene days. But the issue is that the rocky cutscene lasts like two minutes in a movie 194 00:17:25.200 --> 00:17:33.520 and it can last five years in real life. Yeah. This is this is something that I think we lose 195 00:17:33.520 --> 00:17:39.600 side of. We think of that we imagine that these rewards are going to be instant. They're just 196 00:17:39.600 --> 00:17:45.760 fucking not. You know, they're it's a grind. And it's not only a grind. And if some business just 197 00:17:45.760 --> 00:17:51.280 seems to pop off and take off, what you're not seeing is the countless failures that happened 198 00:17:51.280 --> 00:17:56.400 for 10 years prior. So that gave them the leverage so that when they started this new thing, 199 00:17:56.400 --> 00:18:02.320 it just took off. Right. So it's like there's no getting around that amount of effort and that 200 00:18:02.320 --> 00:18:07.440 amount of work. And again, you can disclaim and say, oh, must be nice. Or you could say like, 201 00:18:07.440 --> 00:18:13.120 huh, interesting. What did that person do to get them in that position? You'd be that way. How did 202 00:18:13.120 --> 00:18:18.320 Brampela get to be as funny as he is? How did he get to be on wild and out and clown and everybody 203 00:18:18.320 --> 00:18:24.880 else out there? Well, he's got the reps. He's got the fucking reps to do it. He's put in the time 204 00:18:24.880 --> 00:18:32.320 and effort. And yes, keep going. Yeah. And you guys are going to get to hear. 205 00:18:32.320 --> 00:18:32.880 Who's Brampela? 206 00:18:37.040 --> 00:18:43.680 Get him. But that's like, that's the fundamental thing. And so I want to shift gears a little bit 207 00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:48.400 because you have a really powerful tool. It's a tool that I use as well. And the tool is the 208 00:18:48.400 --> 00:18:54.000 psychological tool. And the psychological tool, and I'll let you explain it, is you actually 209 00:18:54.000 --> 00:19:00.720 talk to an older version of yourself to give yourself the kind of guidance and the pep talk or 210 00:19:00.720 --> 00:19:08.480 whatever it is that you might need. So tell us how you came to that practice. Okay. So first off, 211 00:19:08.480 --> 00:19:13.920 if we're looking at you, like who here could use advice on something in their life, right? I mean, 212 00:19:13.920 --> 00:19:18.160 right. Everyone, everyone could use advice. And so if I'm looking at a source for advice, 213 00:19:18.160 --> 00:19:24.240 I want three things. I want competence. I want context. I want alignment. So like if someone's 214 00:19:25.040 --> 00:19:28.560 competent and they have context, but they're misaligned, that is a recipe for getting fucked. 215 00:19:30.160 --> 00:19:33.440 They like know exactly what they're doing. They know exactly what would hurt you and they are not 216 00:19:33.440 --> 00:19:37.600 aligned with you. Like it's a great way to get destroyed. And so one of the issues that I saw with 217 00:19:37.600 --> 00:19:44.160 a lot of modern like therapies, et cetera, was that I felt like the incentives were misaligned. 218 00:19:44.160 --> 00:19:48.640 And I would often spend a lot of time trying to, I would spend 90 minutes trying to provide 219 00:19:48.640 --> 00:19:54.080 context for one decision to somebody who might not even be as competent as me within whatever the 220 00:19:54.080 --> 00:19:59.440 regard was. And their alignment was for me to come back again next week. And so I was like, I'm 221 00:19:59.440 --> 00:20:05.120 missing two or all three of the three things here. And so that just felt like a broken model to me. 222 00:20:05.120 --> 00:20:09.440 And so I was like, okay, well, then what would, what would it look like to have somebody who has 223 00:20:09.440 --> 00:20:14.240 all three? And so I stumbled upon this, there's a psychological principle called the Solomon 224 00:20:14.240 --> 00:20:21.120 Paradox. And so King Solomon, as you know, biblical figure known for his wisdom and his wealth. 225 00:20:21.120 --> 00:20:26.560 But what was interesting about him as a character was that he also had a personal life that was 226 00:20:26.560 --> 00:20:30.240 in shambles. So he was known for like cheating on his wife and parting and he sent somebody, 227 00:20:30.240 --> 00:20:35.200 you know, his son was a mess and he died and all the stuff. And so it's like, how can this man 228 00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:40.800 be so wise? And yet the other side of his life is a mess. And so that's why they called the Solomon 229 00:20:40.800 --> 00:20:45.520 Paradox is that people would come to him because his advice to other people was so good, but he 230 00:20:45.520 --> 00:20:52.480 wasn't very good at falling for himself. And so they've now proven this that when they whitewash 231 00:20:52.480 --> 00:20:58.160 someone's own life, they literally feed them back the stats about their own life just as a white 232 00:20:58.160 --> 00:21:01.200 wash character. So they don't either know their reading about themselves. And they say, what do you 233 00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:07.760 think this person should do? They give better advice than what they actually do as the person 234 00:21:07.760 --> 00:21:13.680 that they're describing. And so it means that we give better advice than we follow. And so I 235 00:21:13.680 --> 00:21:19.280 thought about that and I thought, well, most of the time I feel like I know what I should do, 236 00:21:19.280 --> 00:21:23.680 but I'm just a pansy about it or I want someone else to tell me, but I don't have the alignment. 237 00:21:23.680 --> 00:21:26.960 I have to provide context and I have the same three issues. And so I was like, what if, 238 00:21:27.600 --> 00:21:31.120 what if I could talk like this is the ultimate version who would have all three of those things 239 00:21:31.120 --> 00:21:36.240 would be end of game Alex, right? 85 year old me that's accomplished with the things that I 240 00:21:36.240 --> 00:21:40.800 want to accomplish who embodies the traits that I want to embody. And what would he say to me 241 00:21:40.800 --> 00:21:44.800 in this particular instance? Because he already knows how the game finishes. Now nine times out of 242 00:21:44.800 --> 00:21:49.840 10, he's like, fuck off this doesn't matter, but he's a dick. Anyways, uh, 243 00:21:50.800 --> 00:21:52.640 he just treats me like a kid, he doesn't understand. 244 00:21:56.800 --> 00:22:01.760 But the way that I do it is that every Monday, the first hour of my week, it says Solomon 245 00:22:01.760 --> 00:22:05.760 on my calendar. And if for whatever reason I call him Solomon, even though it's me in the future, 246 00:22:07.200 --> 00:22:11.200 and it's basically I do it like a chat to you. Now, I don't think you need to do it that we 247 00:22:11.200 --> 00:22:14.400 could probably do a voice memo, you could do a video, you could do whatever you want. But for me, 248 00:22:14.400 --> 00:22:18.880 I'm a I think through writing. That's why I like writing books and things like that. And so I 249 00:22:18.960 --> 00:22:25.200 basically, it's it's me. And then I hit enter. And then he's like, well, tell me about this. 250 00:22:25.200 --> 00:22:30.160 And then I do this. He's like, well, why do you think that? And then the nice thing too is that 251 00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:34.320 when I sometimes my session seven minutes, like I just get to the answer. And it's like, 252 00:22:34.960 --> 00:22:39.440 all right, that's it. And oftentimes it's, um, I'll tell you one story. Hopefully it'll, 253 00:22:39.440 --> 00:22:43.440 it'll resonate with someone here. So I had this really big thing that I'd been building up too. 254 00:22:43.440 --> 00:22:48.720 It was like a multi year project. And all this anticipation, all this excitement around it. 255 00:22:49.200 --> 00:22:52.880 And um, it happened. And then there was something that just like didn't go the way that I'd 256 00:22:52.880 --> 00:22:57.360 wanted it to go. So I was very disappointed about this. But the thing that happened was actually, 257 00:22:57.360 --> 00:23:02.160 now, everything's ultimately under our control. But um, this one was a promise was made by a vendor. 258 00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:05.440 And they had, you know, said that they would do that. And based on the decision making criteria 259 00:23:05.440 --> 00:23:08.160 that I had at the time, which is that other people had done the same thing that I had done with 260 00:23:08.160 --> 00:23:11.200 this particular vendor, I felt like it was a reasonable decision to have trusted this vendor 261 00:23:11.200 --> 00:23:16.160 to be able to do their job. They did. And so it cost me about 15 million dollars. Um, 262 00:23:16.880 --> 00:23:23.040 and it was real money, not like, uh, I hype it like it, it sucked. And so I had to like, 263 00:23:23.040 --> 00:23:27.920 I had to like work through this. And so I had the session with Solomon. And um, 264 00:23:28.800 --> 00:23:33.360 he knew the amount of time that I'd put into this project. And he said, 265 00:23:33.360 --> 00:23:38.480 I am the product that you were building, not the thing. And he's like, and I, 266 00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:49.440 I, and I know what you put into that. And I am satisfied. And that is enough. And that was like, 267 00:23:49.440 --> 00:23:58.400 it, like, I was like, okay, that was it. And so for me, that kind of, I believe in nothing. 268 00:23:58.720 --> 00:24:09.760 Um, and so for me, that's, it's like those would come, and like the thing is, you can be 269 00:24:09.760 --> 00:24:14.400 absolutely real, at least for me with Solomon, because like, there's zero ego there. He knows 270 00:24:14.400 --> 00:24:19.920 of them bullshitting, you know, he's like, come on. I'm like, ah, fine. And so, um, I usually keep 271 00:24:19.920 --> 00:24:26.880 going until I get to actually a resolution, which was that like, I am the product. And I am 272 00:24:26.880 --> 00:24:32.400 satisfied. And that is enough. And the thing is, is that to be fair, his satisfaction is 273 00:24:32.400 --> 00:24:37.120 fucking tough, because he knows if I could have tried harder. And so one of the tough parts is like, 274 00:24:37.120 --> 00:24:41.200 be like, so I'll say this to everybody who considers themselves a winner in the room. 275 00:24:42.640 --> 00:24:48.720 Once you start winning, it's easy to impress other people. And so the only way to raise the bars, 276 00:24:48.720 --> 00:24:54.240 like, well, then how do I impress me? And so future me knows the difference between how hard I tried 277 00:24:54.240 --> 00:24:59.280 and how hard it looks like when I try, when I have nothing left in the take. And so like, that 278 00:24:59.280 --> 00:25:05.040 delta is what Solomon pushes me towards. And so like, because I get the question a lot, 279 00:25:05.760 --> 00:25:09.360 which is like, okay, Alex, how do you still stay motivated? I'm sure you have stuff like that. 280 00:25:10.960 --> 00:25:15.840 And for me, it's because that has been the game. It's like, how do I close that delta? 281 00:25:15.840 --> 00:25:21.120 Because like, I think I'll die. And I don't think people will remember it. And that's okay. But 282 00:25:21.120 --> 00:25:26.480 I'll know at the end how hard I tried. And that is what I've been trying to make my W, 283 00:25:27.280 --> 00:25:32.720 which is like, leaving with nothing left. And so that's what I like really, really try for. And I 284 00:25:32.720 --> 00:25:36.960 feel like Solomon is aligned with that. And he holds me accountable on a way no one else can. 285 00:25:36.960 --> 00:25:40.000 Because like, I could talk to a therapist and say all the things that they're like, you must have 286 00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:42.400 tried hard. But like, I know I could bullshit someone. 287 00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:49.440 Hey guys, love that you're listening to the podcast. If you ever want to have the video version 288 00:25:49.440 --> 00:25:53.840 of this, which usually has more facts, more visuals, more graphs, you know, drawn out stuff, 289 00:25:53.840 --> 00:25:58.080 sometimes it can help hit the brain centers in different ways. You can check my YouTube channel. 290 00:25:58.080 --> 00:26:02.480 It's absolutely free to check that out if that's what you are into. And if not, keep enjoying the show. 291 00:26:04.640 --> 00:26:10.320 And we can do that with our friends too. We can enroll any one of our friends into believing 292 00:26:10.320 --> 00:26:15.440 our story, especially we're in like a relationship conflict. We talk to a friend. We can enroll 293 00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:20.800 them in our belief system so easily. You know, it's so easy to get other people enrolled. 294 00:26:20.800 --> 00:26:25.600 But if you really, and you can even enroll yourself, well, that's a tricky part. If you're not 295 00:26:25.600 --> 00:26:32.480 careful, you'll enroll yourself in your own story. But then if you really go beyond that and then 296 00:26:32.480 --> 00:26:38.480 go into your own version of Solomon, some part of you really knows, some part of you really knows 297 00:26:38.560 --> 00:26:45.040 what the real truth is, like what really happened. And that I think is also one of the key 298 00:26:45.040 --> 00:26:51.440 components to really loving yourself. What you said is like, and that is enough. And like that 299 00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:58.720 feeling of, yeah, you gave it everything, man. And that was enough. And of course, that's the best, 300 00:26:58.720 --> 00:27:04.400 that's the best of you. That'll say that. But we'll also hold you accountable. It's what Don 301 00:27:04.400 --> 00:27:10.640 McGill Ruiz calls ruthless self love. It's like ruthless. It's like, you could have given that more. 302 00:27:10.640 --> 00:27:14.640 You could have stood, you could have stood more firm on your beliefs. You could have more courage. 303 00:27:14.640 --> 00:27:19.200 You could have hustled harder. You could have tried more. You could have given it another chance. 304 00:27:19.200 --> 00:27:26.080 You could have done that. You know, and so get after it. Get after it. Like really like that's 305 00:27:26.080 --> 00:27:33.520 that's the wisdom that we all have the availability to tap into if we use this kind of device. 306 00:27:34.560 --> 00:27:38.960 I also think that Solomon has been like the frame of Solomon has been especially powerful because 307 00:27:38.960 --> 00:27:44.960 it removes external judgment to a large degree. Like imagine telling your 85 year old self, 308 00:27:44.960 --> 00:27:51.680 I mean, I'm like, imagine it. So sometimes it's a weird fun gratitude thing if you're into that. 309 00:27:51.680 --> 00:27:55.280 I've struggled with gratitude. Like, so people were like, I write a journal. I'm like, yeah, 310 00:27:55.280 --> 00:27:57.840 and like right now it's like, can you guys name 10 problems in your life? 311 00:27:58.800 --> 00:28:03.600 Right? But like, I mean, I got 20, right? But if it's like name five things that are good, 312 00:28:03.600 --> 00:28:12.480 I just stand there and I'm like, I am alive. And so a really fun one for me has been imagining 313 00:28:12.480 --> 00:28:19.120 Solomon reborn as myself in a present moment. So it's weird and trippy, but you're like, you wake up, 314 00:28:19.600 --> 00:28:23.200 and I'm next to my wife. I'm like, I remember when she was this young. I'm like, look at us, 315 00:28:23.200 --> 00:28:26.320 we're just kids. And I look like out the window. I'm like, man, I remember when Vegas looked like 316 00:28:26.320 --> 00:28:32.320 this was before all the flying cars and shit. And then I wake up and I'm like, ah, my back doesn't 317 00:28:32.320 --> 00:28:37.920 hurt. My knees don't hurt. Like, man, it's nice to be young. And like, it's a very weird experience 318 00:28:37.920 --> 00:28:42.560 to just imagine what life would be like as 85 year old you and then actually live through that. 319 00:28:43.600 --> 00:28:50.560 And 85 year old me doesn't give a fuck about what Susan thinks about my decision. 320 00:28:51.040 --> 00:28:55.520 Right. And so a lot of times, and I've gotten better at this is, you know, I've got an older and 321 00:28:55.520 --> 00:29:02.160 whatnot, but I remember when I was trying to sell the company, we were trying to sell the company, 322 00:29:03.280 --> 00:29:07.440 I was like, really not sure if I wanted to do it or not. And I was like, why am I hesitating? 323 00:29:07.440 --> 00:29:13.280 Like, what's like, why am I, what is this? And it's like, well, what will people think? But it's 324 00:29:13.280 --> 00:29:18.800 never people. It's like two people. And then you name the two people. And then I was like, do I 325 00:29:18.800 --> 00:29:23.520 really want John's opinion to be the reason that I, and I was like, that's fucking dumb. 326 00:29:23.520 --> 00:29:27.280 But it's like as soon as you name it, then it's like becomes real rather than this amorphous thing. 327 00:29:27.280 --> 00:29:32.640 And Solomon just makes me name shit. And he's like, you really don't want to become me because of 328 00:29:32.640 --> 00:29:42.320 dumb. He's like, no, you should do that. Do it. I mean, he's a dick, you know? But, you know, 329 00:29:42.320 --> 00:29:47.440 lovingly, ruthless stuff. Yeah. And so I also just think it's a really powerful frame for 330 00:29:47.440 --> 00:29:50.320 getting around like, there's the thing that you want to do. And there's the thing that 331 00:29:50.320 --> 00:29:53.120 everyone else thinks you should do. And everyone else thinks you should do. It's probably not the right 332 00:29:53.120 --> 00:30:01.600 thing to do. One of the another, another thing that I've used before my life is very similar to 333 00:30:01.600 --> 00:30:08.800 that. And it's imagining that I got beamed into my body and my life right now as like a fresh 334 00:30:08.800 --> 00:30:14.640 new consciousness that came from another, came from another dimension and I beam in. And it's, 335 00:30:14.640 --> 00:30:18.560 I use this when I'm really kind of in a shitty mood or like down on myself or whatever. 336 00:30:19.280 --> 00:30:23.760 And I kind of look around and I'm like, wow, look at my wife. That's fucking awesome. 337 00:30:23.760 --> 00:30:31.200 I'm like, wow, like, I can ball. That's cool. You know, like, oh, wow, my house is beautiful. 338 00:30:31.200 --> 00:30:36.480 And, and like, all right, well, maybe there's these things that I don't like. Well, I can fix that. 339 00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:40.800 You know, I can fix that. I can work harder in this area. I can bounce back from this. 340 00:30:40.800 --> 00:30:47.520 But we get saddled by all of our past regrets, our past grievances, all of this baggage that we 341 00:30:47.520 --> 00:30:53.760 carried because we're blaming ourself of the past and then holding ourself as the person who made 342 00:30:53.760 --> 00:30:58.480 that mistake rather than the person who grew and evolved from that mistake. But if you can come 343 00:30:58.480 --> 00:31:05.920 in clean slate and just go, all right, where am I at? Oh, fuck, I'm at Arcadia. Damn, this is cool. 344 00:31:06.560 --> 00:31:10.160 What am I going to do? I'm, fuck, I'm going to have a blast. And then I'm going to, after this, 345 00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:13.680 I'm going to go home and I'm going to figure some shit out. And I just heard Alex Hermozino, 346 00:31:13.680 --> 00:31:18.000 I'm, fuck, I'm going to fucking grow my business. I'm going to make some money. Like, all right, 347 00:31:18.000 --> 00:31:23.760 I can do this because you lose that history that keeps you saddled to what you once were. 348 00:31:23.760 --> 00:31:26.880 But you're not that person. Like, Harry Clyde has said one of my favorite quotes. 349 00:31:26.880 --> 00:31:30.400 No person steps in the same river twice because it's not the same river and they're not the same 350 00:31:30.400 --> 00:31:35.680 person. You're the person who grew and evolved and learned from everything you did. So if you 351 00:31:35.680 --> 00:31:40.320 can give yourself that blessing of just being like, all right, here it is, clean slate, 352 00:31:40.320 --> 00:31:45.360 right to fuck now. What are we going to do? Build something awesome. Be something awesome. 353 00:31:46.160 --> 00:31:52.640 I love that because there's a, okay, these two. The river thing slaps. That was great. 354 00:31:53.760 --> 00:31:58.000 So I was involved in this lawsuit a few years back and it was something that I had invested a lot 355 00:31:58.000 --> 00:32:05.040 of time in. It was like a really big amount of money. And I was right at the, you know, 356 00:32:05.040 --> 00:32:09.040 right at first, you're like, I feel wronged. It's like the immediate, like, that's not fair, 357 00:32:09.040 --> 00:32:15.760 whatever. And I played it out through Solomon frame. He's like, all right, well, what changes 358 00:32:15.760 --> 00:32:20.560 about your life? If it goes the way you want it to go and if it doesn't go the way you want it to go, 359 00:32:20.560 --> 00:32:26.800 I was like, well, if it goes the way I wanted to go, I'll be young, wealthy, happily married, 360 00:32:26.800 --> 00:32:29.840 and have a little bit more money from this lawsuit. He's like, what if it doesn't go the way you 361 00:32:29.840 --> 00:32:35.680 want to go? I was like, I'll be young, married, less work because I won't be working on this thing 362 00:32:35.680 --> 00:32:42.960 anymore. And yeah, he's like, sounds like a win-win, bro. It was just very weird because a lot of 363 00:32:42.960 --> 00:32:46.800 my dissatisfaction was only about the expectation that I had of what I thought I deserved rather than 364 00:32:46.800 --> 00:32:51.680 like, what is it going to change about my life? And I remember, like, especially if I ever get into 365 00:32:51.680 --> 00:32:57.440 a pansy mode about being super sad about something. It's like, well, I had nothing and was pretty happy 366 00:32:57.440 --> 00:33:05.680 too. And so the worst case is like that. And that wasn't that bad. And so just like, how much is 367 00:33:05.680 --> 00:33:12.800 it actually going to change my life? I think the reason I talk, like, the reason I think developing 368 00:33:12.800 --> 00:33:16.640 frames like this is so powerful is that the vast majority of the time, the things that limit us in 369 00:33:16.640 --> 00:33:22.480 business is not knowledge. Like, I used to sit down with women all day long because that's what I 370 00:33:22.480 --> 00:33:28.400 did for the waylaw stuff. And I'd be like, let's be real. I'd be like, I just don't know what to do. 371 00:33:28.400 --> 00:33:33.440 I'd be like, eh, do you? And they were just looking me like, did he just say that? I'd be like, what 372 00:33:33.440 --> 00:33:35.600 do you think it's going to be? Because they'd be like, tell me about the program. I'm like, what do you 373 00:33:35.600 --> 00:33:39.200 think it's going to be? I'm like, I don't know. I was like, what do you think you're going to need 374 00:33:39.200 --> 00:33:41.840 donuts all day? They're like, well, no. I'm like, do you think you're going to move more than you do 375 00:33:41.840 --> 00:33:46.240 now? They're like, yeah, I know. I was like, you're on the right track. I'd be like, and then 376 00:33:46.240 --> 00:33:49.600 like, I tease out the point that I'm like, knowledge is not the issue. You're going to stop eating 377 00:33:49.600 --> 00:33:53.920 shit. You're going to move more, right? That's not the problem. The problem is that you're not doing 378 00:33:53.920 --> 00:33:58.400 it. So let's tackle that. Right now, like, anybody, like, if you guys are in the, like, I want to grow 379 00:33:58.400 --> 00:34:02.400 my business phase, learning to like, that's stuff straight forward. Like, more people know about 380 00:34:02.400 --> 00:34:06.800 the stuff. Give them shouldn't exchange for money. And you feel like, what do I give them? 381 00:34:06.800 --> 00:34:10.080 Give a lot of people free things until eventually somebody comes back and says, I want more of that. 382 00:34:10.080 --> 00:34:14.960 Like, that's it. But it's like, why are you not doing that? And I think a lot of times the frames 383 00:34:14.960 --> 00:34:19.920 like this, like Solomon frame and whatnot are to hopefully debackage you or whatever release the 384 00:34:19.920 --> 00:34:27.120 weight that you're carrying around Tom. He's like, did you, do you DM my wife? Did you DM my wife 385 00:34:27.120 --> 00:34:39.360 about your business? They're like, yeah. And so like, a lot of times, like, the, like, absolute 386 00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:43.040 acceptance frame has been super powerful, which is like, must be nice. You're like, it is. 387 00:34:45.120 --> 00:34:48.720 Because they, like, it just, it just melts people. Like, if you're in these, like, you know, 388 00:34:48.720 --> 00:34:52.800 like, you get in a comment war or something and they're like, it's because your dad gave you 389 00:34:52.800 --> 00:34:58.800 everything. You're like, you're right. And so it's just because we have this fear of being labeled 390 00:34:58.800 --> 00:35:03.760 something by somebody. It's like, well, I don't label me that. But if you do, that's cool. 391 00:35:04.560 --> 00:35:12.480 Because you're going to die eventually. So why? But if you're going to die eventually, it means 392 00:35:12.480 --> 00:35:16.080 it doesn't want to matter either. So like, fine. Then I can use it both ways. And so like, that's 393 00:35:16.080 --> 00:35:20.720 just been really helpful for me just because like, like, my ultimate expression myself in terms of 394 00:35:20.720 --> 00:35:26.800 like, Solomon, me is just absolute agency. Because they're like, I do what I truly want to do. Now, 395 00:35:26.800 --> 00:35:31.040 obviously, that's not hurting people, things like that. But like, that I do it without fear. And I 396 00:35:31.040 --> 00:35:35.200 think that's I think that's what I really spent a lot of time trying to tackle, which is like, what 397 00:35:35.200 --> 00:35:40.720 am I afraid of? And it's not like the big monster and whatnot. It's usually just judgment or 398 00:35:40.720 --> 00:35:46.080 rather perceived judgment from people who aren't thinking about me. And then it comes from a 399 00:35:46.080 --> 00:35:50.720 combination of discounting the value of their judgment and increasing the perceived value of 400 00:35:50.720 --> 00:35:54.080 Solomon's judgment. And I think that like over time, if I can just keep sliding more and more 401 00:35:54.080 --> 00:35:58.720 marbles into just gaining Solomon's opinions or Solomon's approval, I think it's a better version 402 00:35:58.720 --> 00:36:02.880 of me. And so I just see it as a as a continuum rather than a binary of like, I am this person or 403 00:36:02.880 --> 00:36:05.920 I am this person. It's just like, I'm more this person today. And I'm going to keep sliding more 404 00:36:05.920 --> 00:36:11.440 marbles onto the side until most people describe me in this fashion. I love what you're saying too 405 00:36:11.440 --> 00:36:17.680 about how to deflect those kind of comments and judgments that come in in this more yes and model. 406 00:36:17.680 --> 00:36:24.080 Your dad gave you everything like yes. And he gave me way more than you possibly could ever imagine. 407 00:36:24.080 --> 00:36:30.000 Because he gave me beliefs and he gave me a field of value and he gave me a lot of these things 408 00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:37.760 that you will never even quantify. So yeah, you're right. And yes and rather so instead of trying 409 00:36:37.760 --> 00:36:45.200 to combat people and getting in this battle, just like yeah. And this will be really fun for you guys. 410 00:36:45.200 --> 00:36:49.760 So like if we like transitioned into Q&A or something like that, I'm not saying we do that, 411 00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:54.000 but if we if that were to happen, right, someone would get up and say, well, here's why that won't 412 00:36:54.000 --> 00:37:01.120 work for me. Special reason 16B, whatever, right? And so I've just because I've done a handful of 413 00:37:01.120 --> 00:37:06.400 Q&As now. And I've just realized it's been more powerful to just say like, you're right. 414 00:37:07.200 --> 00:37:12.400 Next question. And then they're like, it's like, no, no, this is the reason that I can't succeed. 415 00:37:12.400 --> 00:37:19.200 And you're like, yeah, you're right. You'll never succeed. So. And then they're like, well, 416 00:37:19.200 --> 00:37:23.440 yes, I will. And you're like, right. So here, the fighter showed up. Great. You were fighting on 417 00:37:23.440 --> 00:37:32.400 the wrong side, right? It's silly though. But like we do this contrary and thing for no reason to 418 00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:36.720 like to give ourselves excuses. But like if someone were to say, you're right, you're never succeed. 419 00:37:37.520 --> 00:37:42.720 You're like, what the fuck? Yes, I'm okay. Great. Then you don't have any questions. So move on, 420 00:37:42.720 --> 00:37:47.040 right? Like it's just this, this is like, it's just conflict for no reason. And so I think that 421 00:37:47.040 --> 00:37:50.960 right now if you have certain excuses like right now, there's probably a reason that you're like, 422 00:37:50.960 --> 00:37:57.840 whatever it is is the reason that I am not winning. And I used to call this because I do a lot of 423 00:37:57.840 --> 00:38:03.520 sales training stuff too. I call the reason close, but it's insane how effective this is because 424 00:38:03.520 --> 00:38:08.320 it's so silly sounding. Whatever the reason they say is just say, and that's the perfect reason 425 00:38:08.320 --> 00:38:12.080 you should do this. They're like, I can't sign up for this weight loss program because my 426 00:38:12.080 --> 00:38:16.160 husband doesn't support me. You're like, the reason that you should sign up for this weight loss 427 00:38:16.160 --> 00:38:21.600 program is because your husband doesn't support you. I can't do this because I don't have the time. 428 00:38:21.600 --> 00:38:26.080 It's like, that's the perfect reason. It's like, I can't do it right now because it's a really busy 429 00:38:26.080 --> 00:38:29.440 school. I don't have it because I don't have the money for that. It's like, well, that's the 430 00:38:29.440 --> 00:38:33.120 perfect reason you should do it. It doesn't really matter. Like whatever reasons you have are basically 431 00:38:33.120 --> 00:38:36.960 a relic because the doing just needs doing and it doesn't really care if you have a reason or you 432 00:38:36.960 --> 00:38:40.240 don't have a reason or if you're a good person or a bad person or what you think about yourself 433 00:38:40.240 --> 00:38:45.280 because like really shitty people can still win. And I'll tell you something that's kind of weird 434 00:38:45.280 --> 00:38:51.600 for me, but like for a very long time, I considered myself a very bad person. And maybe somebody 435 00:38:51.600 --> 00:38:55.440 here has a similar belief, but like I had that internal feeling about that, which was like, 436 00:38:56.400 --> 00:39:03.120 I feel like I feel like the bad guy. I feel like the villain. And a very freeing thought for me 437 00:39:03.120 --> 00:39:07.600 was that like I can still do the stuff that successful people do and still win anyways. 438 00:39:08.400 --> 00:39:12.320 And that was kind of cool for me because it was like, oh, this is still under my control. 439 00:39:12.320 --> 00:39:18.240 Like it's not like only the good guys win. Like bad guys can win too. I identified as that. And so 440 00:39:19.680 --> 00:39:24.560 I just like boiling things down to behaviors because everything else I find to be completely 441 00:39:24.560 --> 00:39:29.600 distracting, which to be fair is probably why I've been, I would say on the other pole, 442 00:39:29.600 --> 00:39:33.600 which maybe when you go all the way around, we're in the same spot from a 180 degree spot, 443 00:39:33.600 --> 00:39:41.440 you know, perspective. But I have spent very little or zero time thinking about manifesting 444 00:39:41.440 --> 00:39:45.440 in thoughts and psychology and like all of these things at least as I understand it in this 445 00:39:45.440 --> 00:39:52.800 community, not could be totally wrong, but I'm saying as I see it, because I just never felt like 446 00:39:52.800 --> 00:39:58.560 it mattered. Because if you do 100 reach outs, more people will find out about your stuff, 447 00:39:58.560 --> 00:40:02.320 whether you said affirmations in the morning, whether you wooed it into existence, whether you, 448 00:40:02.320 --> 00:40:06.880 it's like it doesn't matter. And so just focusing on the behaviors and the activities that I needed to 449 00:40:06.880 --> 00:40:12.080 do has just been my absolute razor to cut through the noise. And if you have that frame, you will 450 00:40:12.080 --> 00:40:16.640 also be able to basically throw out 90% of the bullshit that you hear every day on your newsfeed 451 00:40:17.280 --> 00:40:22.560 from people who haven't been there and never did it anyways because they have to fill lots of 452 00:40:22.640 --> 00:40:27.280 fluff in their content because they have no substance because they don't know the actual activities 453 00:40:27.280 --> 00:40:30.480 that did it. And so if you get to the end of something, all right, this is, I'm going to go 454 00:40:30.480 --> 00:40:36.080 on a little thing here. So I'm going to find two terms that I think are very meaningful. So learning 455 00:40:36.080 --> 00:40:41.760 and intelligence. So intelligence, I'll start with that. Well, fine, I'll do learning first. 456 00:40:41.760 --> 00:40:50.400 So learning is same condition, new behavior. So if I showed you all a red card, and then I slapped 457 00:40:50.400 --> 00:40:55.680 you, you'd be like, whoa, then I'll say anything. Then I show you a red card. And then I slapped 458 00:40:55.680 --> 00:41:01.920 you, you'd be like, whoa. And then I showed you a red card and you duck. Same condition, new behavior. 459 00:41:03.040 --> 00:41:12.080 You learned. Intelligence is rate of learning to speed. It's like if I, if I show you that, 460 00:41:12.080 --> 00:41:16.320 and it takes some person 10 times for them to duck and one person the second time they duck, 461 00:41:16.320 --> 00:41:20.240 the second time person is smarter. They're more intelligent than the 10 time person. 462 00:41:21.600 --> 00:41:27.200 And so a lot of you here, I'm looking at you, think you're really smart. 463 00:41:28.800 --> 00:41:35.440 But you go back home to the same condition and you do the exact same thing. So how smart are you? 464 00:41:35.440 --> 00:41:42.640 Red card, slap. You don't change. And so by defining it that way, it actually makes intelligence 465 00:41:42.640 --> 00:41:48.720 under our control. And so if you, I'm sure you wanted to grow to some degree by coming here for 466 00:41:48.720 --> 00:41:56.480 this whole event, and obviously you guys here today, but if you leave here and your behavior doesn't 467 00:41:56.480 --> 00:42:03.680 change in the same conditions, it means you learned nothing. And I think that's been a really powerful 468 00:42:03.680 --> 00:42:08.640 frame for me. Because if I go somewhere, I'm like, what behavior will I change from this? And if 469 00:42:08.800 --> 00:42:12.240 you go somewhere and there is no behavior that changed, then maybe you shouldn't go there anymore 470 00:42:12.240 --> 00:42:16.720 or maybe you should change. One of the two is either that didn't give you anything or you're not 471 00:42:16.720 --> 00:42:21.920 receiving anything, right? And so that has been helpful for me in terms of how I consume 472 00:42:21.920 --> 00:42:26.960 information, which is like, will this change anything about my behavior? No? Well, then either this 473 00:42:26.960 --> 00:42:32.880 wasn't valuable or I need to change something. I remember there's a, there's a story that 474 00:42:33.280 --> 00:42:39.840 when I was working for, so I had a, you know, kind of a boutique marketing company. And again, 475 00:42:39.840 --> 00:42:45.920 I've already mentioned it. So my stepdad is a founder of Fleshlight. And so, yeah, I know it's 476 00:42:45.920 --> 00:42:51.760 crazy, right? And so I was helping him out with his marketing. And he brought me into the office 477 00:42:51.760 --> 00:42:56.880 one day and he fired me a couple times, actually, which was rude, I just felt like. 478 00:42:57.840 --> 00:43:04.160 Must be nice. Yeah. But he brought me in right before he fired me the last time, which 479 00:43:04.160 --> 00:43:10.400 I'm super glad that he did. But he brought me in and he goes, you know what? He just brings me into 480 00:43:10.400 --> 00:43:14.320 him to like a meeting in his office, which eventually became my office that took over his whole building. 481 00:43:14.320 --> 00:43:22.560 That's right. And he goes, you know what, Aubrey? You will never be successful without me. And I go, 482 00:43:23.440 --> 00:43:28.480 that is a fucking dick thing to say. And I'll be like, mark my words, mother fucker. 483 00:43:29.200 --> 00:43:34.560 And I remembered that. I remembered him saying that and our relationship was strange for some years 484 00:43:34.560 --> 00:43:39.680 because I was like, that is a fucked up thing to tell you stepson. And finally, you know, 485 00:43:39.680 --> 00:43:45.280 when actually I was sitting Shiva for my father who passed and I brought my stepdad to my stepdad 486 00:43:45.280 --> 00:43:49.040 and knew my father and I brought him in. And we were just sharing, it was just me and him 487 00:43:49.840 --> 00:43:55.920 and say, hey, man, it's one fucked up thing that you said, you know, and you brought me in that 488 00:43:55.920 --> 00:44:02.400 office day and you said, you'd never be successful without me. Like, why'd you say that? And he goes, 489 00:44:03.120 --> 00:44:08.640 because I knew you were a fighter. I knew you were a fighter. And I knew if I said that to you, 490 00:44:09.440 --> 00:44:12.560 you wouldn't rest a single fucking minute until you proved me wrong. 491 00:44:13.520 --> 00:44:25.120 And I was like, God damn. God damn. And it was so like for him to have that awareness and know 492 00:44:25.120 --> 00:44:29.120 that that was exactly the right thing. He could have been like, you're going to be so successful. 493 00:44:29.120 --> 00:44:32.880 I've seen how hard you work. You're a hard worker. You're going to do it. That wouldn't have 494 00:44:32.880 --> 00:44:38.320 accomplished a fraction of what that one thing. And he knew he was going to have to bear the price. 495 00:44:38.400 --> 00:44:41.760 He knew that I was going to resent him. I was going to hate him for a little while, 496 00:44:41.760 --> 00:44:46.880 but he knew that that would propel me because he knew me. And he told me he was like, I watched you. 497 00:44:46.880 --> 00:44:52.640 I was a basketball player and our cross-town rival was the Bowie Bulldogs. Fucking Bowie Bulldogs. 498 00:44:53.840 --> 00:44:58.960 And it's just the routiest crowd. You mean the bench was right in the stands and they'd like 499 00:44:58.960 --> 00:45:02.720 literally spit on you and you're on the bed. It was like fucking savage. We hated each other. 500 00:45:03.440 --> 00:45:10.160 And I remember I shot in an air ball that day. And they were just, I was team captain and 501 00:45:10.160 --> 00:45:15.440 they were just fucking ripping into me. And I was like, fuck you guys. And I just went on a tear. 502 00:45:15.440 --> 00:45:20.240 I just went on a run scored like 10 in a row. And one foul. I'm at the free throw line. 503 00:45:20.240 --> 00:45:25.360 They're chanting air ball, air ball. And I just take my time and I look over at the visitor stands 504 00:45:25.360 --> 00:45:31.280 and I just winked at him and swished it. And he's like, my stepdad recalled that. And I don't 505 00:45:31.280 --> 00:45:35.600 think about that that much. High school basketball. You know, I remember that moment. He was like, 506 00:45:35.600 --> 00:45:41.120 when I saw that, when I saw you after all of the whole crowd turned against you and you went twice 507 00:45:41.120 --> 00:45:45.360 as hard and you just wouldn't be stopped. And then you looked at all of those people who were 508 00:45:45.360 --> 00:45:51.280 chanting in unison air ball. And you just winked at him and you hit that shot like I knew you were 509 00:45:51.280 --> 00:45:56.000 a fighter. And I knew that's what would bring the best out of you. It's not everybody pumping 510 00:45:56.000 --> 00:46:02.640 your tires, but someone to say that you couldn't. And I was like, fuck, fuck, like thank you. 511 00:46:02.640 --> 00:46:06.880 You know, like thank you Steve, like thank you for that gift. And so many of these people, 512 00:46:06.880 --> 00:46:11.360 so many of these detractors that you have, you know, you can look at it like, I can't believe 513 00:46:11.360 --> 00:46:16.160 they're saying this. I can't believe they're doing this. Or you can go, thank you. Watch me. 514 00:46:16.240 --> 00:46:21.760 You have, bro. 515 00:46:30.720 --> 00:46:37.120 Any closing words you'd like to leave the people here with? Any final, final sentiments? 516 00:46:37.600 --> 00:46:45.840 I don't know, serve you guys the best, but I talk about this thing in my book called 517 00:46:45.840 --> 00:46:49.680 the Rule of 100. And so I'm just going to close on something tactical. I already gave you the 518 00:46:49.680 --> 00:46:53.040 learning thing, which is if you don't do anything different, when you go back to the same condition, 519 00:46:53.040 --> 00:46:55.360 you've learned nothing. And that's probably not what you want, which means you should probably 520 00:46:55.360 --> 00:47:03.440 change your behavior. The Rule of 100 is pretty simple. You do 100 primary actions every day 521 00:47:04.320 --> 00:47:12.640 until you get to your goal. And the, the hard part is figuring out what the 100 primary actions are. 522 00:47:12.640 --> 00:47:17.840 And so those 100 primary actions, if you're in a business, is probably going to be some level 523 00:47:17.840 --> 00:47:22.880 of promotion. And that might be promotion to get an employee. Like, you can use this stuff to get 524 00:47:22.880 --> 00:47:25.200 customers, you can use it to get employees, you can use it to get affiliates, you can use it to 525 00:47:25.200 --> 00:47:32.960 get influencers, you can use it to get agency, whatever it is. But set a timer, kitchen timer works 526 00:47:32.960 --> 00:47:43.680 by bucks. And do the 100 reach outs, do the 100 minutes of content, spend $100 a day on ads, 527 00:47:43.680 --> 00:47:49.920 whatever it is, and start your day with that. And if you ever look away to your phone or you go to 528 00:47:49.920 --> 00:47:54.240 get a drink of water, you go to the bathroom, like pause the timer, and see how long it actually 529 00:47:54.240 --> 00:47:59.760 takes you to do it. Because I found that a lot of times my fear around doing some of this stuff 530 00:47:59.760 --> 00:48:05.680 is it makes it feel, I think this is a Layla quote that she says, but it's like fear is a 531 00:48:06.560 --> 00:48:11.120 a mile wide and inch deep. So it looks like it's an ocean, but you take a step into it and you realize 532 00:48:11.120 --> 00:48:16.560 it's really shallow. And so we have these fear of rejection, fear of making content, 533 00:48:16.560 --> 00:48:21.600 of making the post, of whatever it is for a bad comment. But when I started quantifying things 534 00:48:21.600 --> 00:48:25.600 based on the amount of time that it was going to take to do whatever that action was, 535 00:48:25.680 --> 00:48:30.640 but it's like, all right, my 100 is going to take me two hours and 15 minutes, or it's going to take 536 00:48:30.640 --> 00:48:36.400 me three hours and 12 minutes on average. All right, it's seven. All right, I'll be done at 10, 15. 537 00:48:36.400 --> 00:48:40.800 And then you just crank the timer and you start. And so a lot of times there's been a lot of, 538 00:48:40.800 --> 00:48:47.520 you know, recently, and I like to speak out against it, a lot of woo woo around these extended 539 00:48:47.520 --> 00:48:52.240 morning routines and things where people like have to prepare to work, they masturbate about the idea 540 00:48:52.240 --> 00:49:02.480 of working. And I'll tell you, the best morning routine is the one that gets you to work 541 00:49:03.040 --> 00:49:12.080 fastest. And so like the work needs doing and the faster that you start, the faster it will be done. 542 00:49:12.640 --> 00:49:17.520 And so everything that I do before that moment is just actually elongating that time. And so if 543 00:49:17.600 --> 00:49:21.440 if I'm at seven o'clock now, it's like, well, if I do an hour of prep and then I still have three 544 00:49:21.440 --> 00:49:25.680 hours and 15 minutes of work, it's like, I just want to fucking start. And I think if you can just 545 00:49:25.680 --> 00:49:32.800 confront the work and disassociate the long-term reward for the actions that you're doing and 546 00:49:33.360 --> 00:49:37.600 re-associate the work with Solomon or whoever that person is that you want to be, 547 00:49:38.880 --> 00:49:42.880 as you chopping the wood or sculpting the marble of the person that you want to become and 548 00:49:42.880 --> 00:49:48.960 giving yourself that basket of skills and traits that they eventually ladder up to, then every day 549 00:49:48.960 --> 00:49:55.520 you feel like you are crafting that masterpiece. And the thing that I'm spending the most of my 550 00:49:55.520 --> 00:50:04.400 mental energy on right now is defining winning by level of effort. And so I can only win. I only 551 00:50:04.400 --> 00:50:11.520 get to win if I leave nothing in the tank. And by doing that, it's like, it's going to take longer. 552 00:50:11.520 --> 00:50:15.680 Awesome. I'll have less than the tank. Oh, it's going to be even harder. Awesome. I'll have 553 00:50:15.680 --> 00:50:19.760 a bigger opportunity to empty my tank because that's the only way that I win. And so I think if you 554 00:50:19.760 --> 00:50:26.400 can redefine it that way, the external winning takes care of itself really easily. And so that's 555 00:50:26.400 --> 00:50:31.120 that is my parting word is that if you don't change your behavior, you learn nothing. And that is 556 00:50:31.120 --> 00:50:36.800 tactically what I would do if you don't know what to do is start at first thing, start a timer, 557 00:50:36.880 --> 00:50:44.560 and do not stop until the timer is done. Let's go. Let's go. There it goes. 558 00:50:46.320 --> 00:50:52.000 And I love that as I love that as as the parting words. And I just also want to say like for 559 00:50:52.000 --> 00:50:57.840 people who claim they don't have enough time, just take a gander at your screen time calculator 560 00:50:57.840 --> 00:51:04.880 on your fucking phone. Take a gander and then come up with that excuse to somebody while showing 561 00:51:05.040 --> 00:51:09.120 them your screen time calculator on your phone. You're right. You're never going to be successful. 562 00:51:10.720 --> 00:51:16.800 You know, so fundamentally like we all have more capability than than we need to like Stephen Pressfield 563 00:51:16.800 --> 00:51:21.360 when he asks about how he writes. He says, I just fucking sit in my chair at nine o'clock every 564 00:51:21.360 --> 00:51:27.280 fucking day or whenever we end up starting. And that's just where I am. I show up. That's 565 00:51:27.280 --> 00:51:31.760 that's what he talks about in turning pro. That's how you turn pro. You just show the fuck up. 566 00:51:31.760 --> 00:51:35.040 You put in the effort. You do the work and the results will come. 567 00:51:36.640 --> 00:51:40.960 Love you guys. Let's have a fucking great time. Thank you, Alex. Thank you guys. Thank you.