WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.600
If you can expose someone to a stimuli and get a consistent outcome, a lot of marketers and salespeople

2
00:00:05.600 --> 00:00:08.640
like to talk about the internal thoughts that someone's having. First, they need awareness and then

3
00:00:08.640 --> 00:00:12.080
they need blah, blah, blah. And then they need, and so they're basically just make up, they reverse

4
00:00:12.080 --> 00:00:17.120
engineer, fictitious steps of someone's mental thought process when they have no evidence to support

5
00:00:17.120 --> 00:00:21.760
what someone's thinking at all. Welcome to the game where we talk about how to get more customers,

6
00:00:21.760 --> 00:00:25.600
how to make more customers, how to keep them longer, and the many failures and lessons we have learned

7
00:00:25.600 --> 00:00:31.760
along the way. I hope you enjoy and subscribe. I don't find it useful because it's not useful.

8
00:00:31.760 --> 00:00:35.200
Like what are the things that are useful? Are the things that are observable that we can drive

9
00:00:35.200 --> 00:00:40.320
action towards that we create an outcome and then we have a feedback loop. And so if we have those

10
00:00:40.320 --> 00:00:44.960
things, then we can move the variables and get closer to where we're trying to go. And the

11
00:00:44.960 --> 00:00:51.040
feelings, although I recognize that they exist, they're not helpful in trying to edit what our

12
00:00:51.040 --> 00:00:56.000
activities are. I would say there are days that I feel like less energized or things like that,

13
00:00:56.000 --> 00:01:00.000
for sure, not about like the big picture of like, I don't believe that this cause is not worthy.

14
00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:03.840
But I do think a lot of people have that too, where they're like, what I'm doing is meaningless,

15
00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:08.480
right? And then I get into, I think everything's meaningless and then we can just create whatever

16
00:01:08.480 --> 00:01:12.960
meaning, you know, we choose to because if we don't believe in a capital M meaning, which a lot of

17
00:01:12.960 --> 00:01:16.080
people disagree with, that's fine. But if you don't believe in a capital M meaning, I think that's

18
00:01:16.080 --> 00:01:19.840
very freeing because then you can create little M meaning for whatever you want. And so if you believe,

19
00:01:19.840 --> 00:01:25.920
you can then choose to architect your own life in whatever ways that you de-meaningful and make

20
00:01:25.920 --> 00:01:30.240
the activities you do aligned with that meaning. The difference between capital M meaning and

21
00:01:30.240 --> 00:01:33.760
little M meaning, and this is kind of like the basis of nihilism, which people have like a very

22
00:01:33.760 --> 00:01:37.520
negative viewpoint around, which I'm not entirely sure about why. But like capital M meaning means

23
00:01:37.520 --> 00:01:43.200
that like, this is the meaning of life period, like for everyone, this is the meaning of life.

24
00:01:43.200 --> 00:01:48.080
Whereas if we say that there is no single agreed upon meaning of life, and then people say,

25
00:01:48.080 --> 00:01:50.960
well, then that is your big meaning of life. And I'm like, yes, you're right. I believe that there

26
00:01:50.960 --> 00:01:54.640
is no meaning. That is the meaning that I believe. And they're like, well, then that is the capital M.

27
00:01:54.640 --> 00:01:58.960
Then sure, that's my capital M meaning is that there is no meaning. What's the implication of that?

28
00:01:58.960 --> 00:02:04.480
It means now that we have meaning-making machines in our brain. And so we get to create and destroy

29
00:02:04.480 --> 00:02:09.680
meaning as we see fit. And so if we choose an activity and we deem that goal meaningful because

30
00:02:09.680 --> 00:02:14.160
we think it's more interesting or it energizes us, then we can ascribe meaning to that and do more

31
00:02:14.160 --> 00:02:18.000
of it. And what's nice about not having capital M meaning is that that can shift, right? That

32
00:02:18.000 --> 00:02:22.560
might be good for a season. And then it can shift. I will say that the downside of not having capital

33
00:02:22.560 --> 00:02:26.480
M meaning, which I consider to be religion off the shelf, is that it's more difficult because you

34
00:02:26.480 --> 00:02:30.080
have no one who's saying, here's the big box of rules. You can read it. And then that way, you

35
00:02:30.080 --> 00:02:33.840
don't have to make the decisions about it. But I think it's more difficult. But in ultimately more

36
00:02:33.840 --> 00:02:38.320
rewarding, if you have reasoning behind why you believe what you believe, because then you have to

37
00:02:38.320 --> 00:02:42.560
independently come up with your own conclusions about those things, it also makes it malleable so that

38
00:02:42.560 --> 00:02:46.480
if you get new data or new evidence, then you can change your mind, which a lot of people again

39
00:02:46.480 --> 00:02:51.360
have difficulty with. But like if you change the information, then it would make sense that if

40
00:02:51.360 --> 00:02:56.480
it materially changes the outcome that the way that you believe about something should change.

41
00:02:56.480 --> 00:03:02.640
And I think a lot of people identify with their beliefs as a part of themselves rather than as

42
00:03:02.640 --> 00:03:06.080
what I prefer to call them, which is assumptions, because they work the same way. What's the difference

43
00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:10.480
in belief in assumption? Not a lot, right? The only difference is just what we call the word. And so

44
00:03:10.560 --> 00:03:15.680
assumptions are based on things that we've observed and then we assume something as a result. And so

45
00:03:15.680 --> 00:03:20.160
I would say that beliefs are just assumptions. But when you call them that, they become less tied to

46
00:03:20.160 --> 00:03:24.000
your identity. If you have an assumption, you don't say, you challenged my assumption. It's like,

47
00:03:24.000 --> 00:03:28.560
wait, I challenged my assumption. Oh, that's great. I was assuming this. It must be this. And then they

48
00:03:28.560 --> 00:03:32.960
become much more flexible. And then we don't tie our egos into them. And I think ultimately it serves

49
00:03:32.960 --> 00:03:37.520
more people better in the long run. I feel passionately about my viewpoint in the world mostly,

50
00:03:37.520 --> 00:03:42.000
because I struggled and I was in so much pain for such a long period of time. I'm only sharing

51
00:03:42.000 --> 00:03:45.920
this despite the fact that I get attacked for sharing this, because there are people who this does

52
00:03:45.920 --> 00:03:52.400
rest in it with. Real quick, guys, you guys already know that I don't run any ads on this and I don't

53
00:03:52.400 --> 00:03:56.000
sell anything. And so the only ask that I can ever have are you guys that you help me spread the

54
00:03:56.000 --> 00:04:00.400
words so we can have more entrepreneurs, make more money, feed their families, make better products,

55
00:04:00.400 --> 00:04:04.960
and have better experiences for their employees and customers. And the only way we do that is if you

56
00:04:04.960 --> 00:04:09.680
can rate and review and share this podcast. So the single thing that I have to do is you can just

57
00:04:09.680 --> 00:04:14.080
leave a review, take a 10 seconds or one type of the thumb to the absolute world to me. And more

58
00:04:14.080 --> 00:04:22.960
importantly, it may change the world to someone else. When there is no required meaning, then a lot

59
00:04:22.960 --> 00:04:29.760
of language changes, which is should must need have to like all of these things no longer exist

60
00:04:29.760 --> 00:04:35.440
because there is no capital in meaning. So I don't should have to must need to anything. And so a lot

61
00:04:35.440 --> 00:04:41.120
of the expectations that we bury ourselves into that way us down are just implied should have to

62
00:04:41.120 --> 00:04:46.480
musts. And so if all of those disappeared, then in a lot of ways it's very liberating. And so for

63
00:04:46.480 --> 00:04:53.760
me, in business, it allows me to take actions even though I know that I shouldn't or must not or

64
00:04:53.760 --> 00:04:58.000
other people would judge me for not doing it the way that they thought I should do it because there

65
00:04:58.000 --> 00:05:02.160
are no rules, which is why that was the preference to the book is like there are no rules. We can live

66
00:05:02.160 --> 00:05:08.000
our life whatever way we want to live it. And that's okay. I read a YouTube comment the other day. It's

67
00:05:08.000 --> 00:05:13.680
like, hey, you know, you talk a lot about being sad and like having me able to X, Y and Z and I

68
00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:18.880
don't identify with being a sad person. I think I have been sad in the past, but I also don't think

69
00:05:18.880 --> 00:05:25.200
that there's a problem with being sad. And so I think that there's just so much power and acceptance.

70
00:05:25.200 --> 00:05:28.800
It's like so many people make themselves miserable because they think that they shouldn't be who they

71
00:05:28.800 --> 00:05:32.720
are and they shouldn't feel how they feel. And so much of the medication that gets prescribed right

72
00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:36.320
now is because someone's like, oh, I'm anxious. And why do we feel like someone shouldn't be anxious?

73
00:05:36.320 --> 00:05:40.160
They are human. Why do we feel like we shouldn't feel sad? We are human. Why do we feel like we

74
00:05:40.160 --> 00:05:44.720
shouldn't feel frustrated or angry? We are human. And so I think it's one of the most interesting things

75
00:05:44.720 --> 00:05:49.120
are phenomena where if you have a line, which is the normal human existence and you have points

76
00:05:49.120 --> 00:05:53.360
above the line and points below the line, you have the median, right? Or the middle point. And people

77
00:05:53.360 --> 00:05:58.160
want to not feel the things below the line. And then we ascribe or label the things below the line

78
00:05:58.160 --> 00:06:03.840
is bad and things above the line is good when all of it is. And so I think that if we just accept that

79
00:06:03.840 --> 00:06:08.000
and accept ourselves and accept the feelings that we experience as things that we experience like

80
00:06:08.000 --> 00:06:13.040
rain and weather and sunshine, it's not like rain is bad. Not like sunshine is good. It just is.

81
00:06:13.040 --> 00:06:18.160
Not like happiness is good or happiness is bad or sadness is bad or sadness is good. We just

82
00:06:18.160 --> 00:06:22.160
label it that way. And I think the label is create more suffering than anything that we ever actually

83
00:06:22.160 --> 00:06:29.280
experience. So when you're sad, do you try to not be sad? No, I actually don't think about it much.

84
00:06:29.280 --> 00:06:32.640
I think a lot of people spend a lot of time and effort trying to figure out how they feel because

85
00:06:32.640 --> 00:06:37.520
they want to then judge or label themselves as I'm doing well or not well. Like a lot of effort

86
00:06:37.520 --> 00:06:41.040
goes into shame. Like how do I feel about this? I mean my father question me like why do you care?

87
00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:44.960
Why does it matter? And that's why when you ask way long ago about like how much do you think

88
00:06:44.960 --> 00:06:50.000
feelings matter? I don't think they matter at all. Like what would the case for feelings mattering

89
00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:55.760
be? Then why do you believe that? It's a good question and it gets really interesting because it's

90
00:06:55.760 --> 00:07:01.200
like how I experience a feeling that I label in my head as sadness is it the same way you experience

91
00:07:01.200 --> 00:07:04.720
the thing that you let it's like seeing green and I see green and you see green what if all of

92
00:07:04.720 --> 00:07:08.240
our greens are different, right? I mean it's it gets very interesting like that. But I think that

93
00:07:08.240 --> 00:07:11.200
I experienced something and if we were to just measure it based on like brain activity and like

94
00:07:11.200 --> 00:07:16.800
heart rate, I would say that I become aroused in the literal sense from experiencing what I would

95
00:07:16.800 --> 00:07:20.560
deem as emotions. And so if we were to describe it or define the term in that way, I think I

96
00:07:20.560 --> 00:07:24.960
experience emotions. And so I mean I'm fairly confident in experience emotions. If we were to

97
00:07:24.960 --> 00:07:28.080
try and measure it that way, then that's how it's a yes, I do experience them. But the question is

98
00:07:28.080 --> 00:07:32.800
just like how important are they? And then it would be like for what? If it's for accomplishment,

99
00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:38.640
not very important for fitness, not very important. You know, if if we're saying how important is

100
00:07:38.640 --> 00:07:45.040
emotion for love, which is another emotion, right? It becomes like amorphous trying to go to a

101
00:07:45.040 --> 00:07:50.320
amorphous. But then you say, okay, well, for defining love by what I'm willing to endure to continue

102
00:07:50.320 --> 00:07:54.400
to keep something, then how important is it? Well, it depends on how much I've conditioned myself

103
00:07:54.400 --> 00:07:58.080
to accept this thing. So like if I want to stay married, it's probably far more effective to

104
00:07:58.080 --> 00:08:03.120
condition someone to stay married because that is the external consequence of a good marriage as

105
00:08:03.120 --> 00:08:07.760
you stay together, right? I'm just saying like we're just purely measuring from from external

106
00:08:07.760 --> 00:08:11.280
circumstances. And so I think trying to measure and define things is what I actually geek out on and

107
00:08:11.280 --> 00:08:14.640
I really enjoy. I think most people get bored of tears when I talk about this stuff. So I don't

108
00:08:14.640 --> 00:08:20.400
talk about it much. But that's the stuff that like when we keep peeling back layers of like why

109
00:08:20.400 --> 00:08:24.000
do you think you're able to get out of, you know, a difficult place in your life or why do you think

110
00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:30.480
you're able to go through these things? A lot of it is because I believe that I will redefine terms.

111
00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:36.240
And so we'll have some instance or something that I should do and I will redefine it or I'll say I

112
00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:39.920
don't should. I can just accept it. And that's why the biggest refrain that I have in my head for

113
00:08:40.000 --> 00:08:44.560
like my own mental illness is just like, and that's okay. Period. I don't want to go to that thing.

114
00:08:44.560 --> 00:08:52.000
That's okay.