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The nice things that there's thoughts are our own, and the circumstances do not create those

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we create those thoughts about the circumstances. Welcome to the game where we talk about how to

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get more customers, how to make more per customer, and how to keep them longer, and the many failures

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and lessons we have learned along the way. I hope you enjoy and subscribe. Hey, what's

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going on everyone? Happy Monday, happy later day. I want to make this podcast for you,

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partially because I'm making it for myself because I'm really trying to document the process and

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thought journey that I'm currently going through. A few podcasts ago, I talked about how we've

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been stuck at roughly 30 million for the last three years, and that's 100% my fault because

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I'm not developing as an entrepreneur, or there's an obstacle or bottleneck that I'm not aware of.

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And so over the last four or five days, I was just at a very high level mastermind. There were

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eight people there that the total yearly revenue of the eight people there combined to over 500

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million dollars a year, just from eight people. And so it was a cool opportunity for me to be the

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second smallest business there, and there was tons of tactical takeaways and recruiting talent

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and structuring for growth and all that kind of stuff. But I think the biggest takeaway I had was

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actually from Brooke Castillo. So she's a wilderness life coach. And it became apparent in talking

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with these entrepreneurs that many of us get stressed at times time. So if you've ever been stressed,

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then this is 100% for you. And so she presented her model. So this is 100% her model is not mine

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of how she walks people through changing their lives, right? And so the model works like this.

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There's five components to it. It starts with your circumstances, right? Circumstances are facts

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that no one can argue, right? Like what will be presented in court? Susie yelled at Dave is not

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something that you could present in court. But you could say Susie said these exact words, right?

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And then Dave believes she's that you know, Stacey is yelling at him, whereas Stacey thinks she

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was just talking, right? And so that's where circumstances have to be objective in facts.

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Circumstances that we experience like a car accident, like somebody dying, right?

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Create thoughts, right? And we have thoughts about those circumstances.

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The nice thing is that those thoughts are our own. And the circumstances do not create those we

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create those thoughts about the circumstances. From those thoughts, we have feelings, right? We

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have emotions that are attached because we give meaning to those circumstances. And then from those

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from those meanings and emotions that we feel, we take action. And then from our actions, we have

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results, right? But the part that's most important as you can probably see is the thoughts that we

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have about the circumstances. And so it's peeling those two layers apart. And so when she got up

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and she was like, there's no reason that you guys should be stressed. Business is not stressful.

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Your thoughts about business are what are creating stress in your lives, right? And that was for me

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very, because I've been, you know, I get stressed all the time, like many people do.

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But seeing that separation for me was really powerful. And so I'll give you a real,

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she does this and all. She does it in marriage and substance abuse. I mean, she does it for

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she's total. I mean, it doesn't, you can apply to anything, right? But one of one of the guys

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who was there was saying he was struggling with an aspect of his marriage, right? And there

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was something, you know, this wife wasn't doing that he wanted her to do or whatever it was, right?

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And one of the other guys pepped up and was like, that's so interesting because

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and that guy, the first guy, when his wife wasn't doing that, he would feel rejected or unloved

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or whatever, right? But the second guy pepped up and had the exact same circumstance.

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But he'd interpreted it as something that was positive in his marriage. It's something that

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actually made his wife left him more, not less. And so both entrepreneurs were presented with

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the exact same circumstance, but both had different thoughts about it. And in result of those

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differences and thoughts, they had different feelings as a result of that about their marriage,

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about themselves, et cetera. And so this was really profound for me. And so this is probably what

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I was showing on the majority of the weekend, you know, while the sessions went in and out. And so

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the next morning or two mornings after she had presented that model, I was walking with Leila

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and we were talking about onboarding, right, for our software company. We wanted to get people

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activated faster. I were like, I need to get them activated. I need guys to start taking action

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better, et cetera. And so we're really trying to re-haul this whole activation process. And I

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noticed myself get stressed. I could feel the stress. I was like, I'm getting, you know, I can

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feel my chest. I was like, I'm getting stressed right now. And so we had been walking and I said,

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you know what, I'm just going to go back to the house and you keep walking. I feel like I'm not

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being a good company right now. So I went back to the house and lucky for me. I was actually

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bunking, not bunking, but you know, I was in the same house as Brooke was. So we were in two houses

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for everybody. And Brooke was there drinking coffee and she was like, hey, what's up? And so

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being the person I was, I was like, hey, let me like teach me how to walk this model with you right

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now, right? I'm feeling the stress, right? So the circumstance is that Layla and I discussed

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onboarding, right? And that it wasn't as good as it needed to be. The thoughts that I have a

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result of that were that, I don't know how to do this. What if I can't figure it out? What if this

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means that I'm going to fail? And then, and I basically had to pull that thread and keep pulling,

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right? And for me, as I continue to pull that thread, for me was, I think that my dad's not

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going to love me anymore. I don't think he's going to respect me anymore. And so like for me,

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that's like my central core thing, right? That's something that I've struggled with. It's my own

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demon, right? But in kind of saying it out loud, I feel like I released a little bit of it.

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And so after saying that, I don't be like, okay, she's like, well, you're going to have to do

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with that. And so I, I called my dad up, actually this morning, and I was like, hey, I just need

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to tell you that my, my biggest fear is that you don't love me if I fail, right? Like if I,

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if I lose everything, because my dad's really proud of me and he's, you know, he voices I don't

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remember again. But the fear that I have is that I have the potential to lose that, right? Is that

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if I make a mistake or make the wrong call or make the wrong bet that I'm going to lose that.

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And so it's a fear of potential loss. And so I'm talking to him about, he's like, there's nothing

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you could do that would make me not love you or not respect you, et cetera. But what was interesting

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is that after he said that and he got emotional about it because he was like, I don't want you to

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ever think I wouldn't love you or wouldn't respect you and blah, blah, blah. And the thing is, is

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whether I believe from or not, the point is, is that for me, I didn't feel any relief after hearing

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that. I didn't feel any better. And so it made me keep thinking, keep walking, keep thinking

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to myself. And I think what it came down to for me and the reason I'm making this podcast is

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one because I want to document this, but two, if there's anybody else is, you know, thinking through

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these thoughts, then hopefully this will be a value to you. But what I basically just came to is that

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my real fear is that I lose respect for myself and that I stop loving myself, right? And I think

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that I have loved and respected myself conditionally, not unconditionally. And so when people ask me,

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you know, how are you so motivated? How do you keep pushing? How do you keep pushing? I think the

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deep dark piece of that is that I'm just afraid of losing respect for myself, of thinking that I am

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worthless, of thinking that I'm useless, of thinking that I'm no good, of that I'll never be good

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enough, right? Hey guys, love that you're listening to the podcast. If you ever want to have the

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video version of this, which usually has more facts, more visuals, more graphs, you know, drawn out

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stuff, sometimes it can help hit the brain centers in different ways. You can check out my YouTube

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channel. It's absolutely free to check that out if that's what you are into. And if not, keep enjoying

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the show. And so for me, I'm not saying I've solved this equation by any stretch of the imagination,

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but by walking through that, that thought model. And now I'm actively just trying to stay attuned to

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when I feel something. What is the thought that generated the feeling? And is that thought

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reasonable from the circumstance or the facts that have been created? Is there an alternative thought

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that I could replace in that model to create a different feeling, which would then create a

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different action, right? And then ultimately a different result of my life. And so for me,

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my goal right now is I think the reason that that I've been limited at 30, there's plenty of

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reasons probably. But one of the reasons that we've been limited at mid 30s is that I have not

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confronted this because I run this business off of fear. I'm afraid of failure, rather than

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the being able to be clear-minded and go 100% all in and kind of do away with the fear and pursue

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the goal with reckless abandon, which I think is what's necessary to get to the next level. And so

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for me, that's something that I'll be working on and thinking about, thinking about my own thoughts.

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And one of the interesting things about this is that when you step out of yourself for a moment,

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when you feel the stressor, when you feel the rejection, when you feel the anger,

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we feel the sadness, or you feel whatever it is you're feeling, whether it's something with your

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wife or with your business or an employee or whatever, right? When you step out of it for a second,

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the emotion loses a little bit of control over you because you get to observe it as a third

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party and think, is this thought serving me? Is the thought that created this emotion serving me?

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Is it true? Right? And for me, and asking my dad flat out, if I lost everything, would you still

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respect me? You said, obviously, you said, I respect your effort and not your outcome.

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But I don't think that I've respected my effort. I've only respected my outcomes. And so,

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what's interesting is that when I think about this within the context of our business and our clients,

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I respect the hell out of people that I see who hustle every day. But I actually don't apply

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that to myself, right? I didn't respect myself. I did not love myself. I'm not trying to be

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soft with you. I'm just being real with you. While I was going through it, I was not happy. I was

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not satisfied, right? And it was just an intense amount of pain that drove me out of that period of

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my life. And so, when I was talking with Brooke, she was like, you know, fear and pain is what got

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you to 30 million a year. You're not going to pain your way to 100 million, right? You're not

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going to pain your way there. You have to figure out how to get out of that so that you can make

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decisions without fear. And so, that is the chapter I'm currently in on a personal level because I

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truly believe that businesses are only limited by the entrepreneur, they're only limited by the

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owners. And I think I've been the limiter for my business. And so, maybe some of this may apply

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for you, maybe it may not. But I wanted to at least document part of this journey for myself

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on the way. So, anyways, hope you guys have an amazing Labor Day coming up with some cool

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checklists for our side to improve that onboarding process. I was talking about that was that was

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giving me anxiety. And I hope you guys have an awesome day and keep pressing it and accomplishing

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your goals. And most importantly, respecting yourself for the effort that you put forth

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rather than the outcome. And the nice thing about that is the only person who can judge you

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on your effort is you. So, anyways, lots of love everybody. Hope you crushed it. And I'll see you soon.

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Bye!