WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.760 we just need to strip away the perfection and get to the like if I 2 00:00:03.760 --> 00:00:07.360 directly move in this way over a long enough period of time I will get there 3 00:00:07.360 --> 00:00:11.920 as long as I don't stop. Welcome to the game where we talk about it get more 4 00:00:11.920 --> 00:00:14.640 customers how to make more per customer and how to keep them longer and the 5 00:00:14.640 --> 00:00:17.520 many failures and lessons we have learned along the way. I hope you enjoy 6 00:00:17.520 --> 00:00:23.840 and subscribe. I have an interesting question for you. So in the last podcast you 7 00:00:23.840 --> 00:00:31.360 mentioned that at one point in your life you were religious. So what made 8 00:00:31.360 --> 00:00:36.160 you make that switch in your head from like going from religion because I think 9 00:00:36.160 --> 00:00:39.760 you said you were on like one of those trips I'm sorry I forget what they're 10 00:00:39.760 --> 00:00:44.560 called. What made you switch that in your head to go from you know this very 11 00:00:44.560 --> 00:00:49.200 very spiritual belief to like almost the complete opposite of like life is 12 00:00:49.600 --> 00:00:54.320 we die we die you know a fact is fact nihilism is a whole what made that switch in your head 13 00:00:54.320 --> 00:00:58.720 or was it like a long process. I mean it was a very long process it was five years 14 00:00:58.720 --> 00:01:02.480 it was very very hard for me. I will say this the amount of messages I got from people who are 15 00:01:02.480 --> 00:01:06.720 Christian and Muslim and other crit you know faiths thinking that I attacked them on the last 16 00:01:06.720 --> 00:01:12.960 podcast like I don't know how I can make the messages yeah I mean just yeah yeah just like yeah 17 00:01:12.960 --> 00:01:17.200 and I will say this again my statements are not an attack on your religion they are simply an 18 00:01:17.200 --> 00:01:22.960 expression of what conclusions I have come to and I'll say right now I'm wrong I'm wrong you're 19 00:01:22.960 --> 00:01:30.320 right everyone listening to what you believe you're right that being said I was even going to 20 00:01:30.320 --> 00:01:35.360 at the time a Christian therapist because I was like I wanted somebody who understood therapy 21 00:01:35.360 --> 00:01:39.760 but also like understood you know Christianity so they could kind of like work with me on these 22 00:01:39.760 --> 00:01:44.160 things and after like a handful of sessions she just looked at me and she was like I'll actually 23 00:01:44.160 --> 00:01:48.400 think you just need to make a decision she's like you just she's like you've gathered all the data 24 00:01:48.400 --> 00:01:53.840 you've gone you've gone to the courses you did a college course on on the the formation of the 25 00:01:53.840 --> 00:01:58.000 Canon which is like how the Bible was actually put together why things were put in why things were 26 00:01:58.000 --> 00:02:03.760 not put in you know like you've investigated all this stuff and I was obsessing about it because 27 00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:09.760 I think for me until I understood like why I was here like nothing else mattered to me so it's 28 00:02:10.560 --> 00:02:15.040 and some people that can just like walk through life without really thinking about it 29 00:02:15.040 --> 00:02:20.080 in some ways I'm jealous you know they can just they can just do that I I couldn't like I was like 30 00:02:20.080 --> 00:02:25.040 why am I working why do I care about money what's the point of all this like that was always my 31 00:02:25.040 --> 00:02:29.440 first and most important thought is like once we answer that box then everything else kind of falls 32 00:02:29.440 --> 00:02:35.680 underneath of it and so I think it's safe to say that there are very exceptional people who can 33 00:02:35.680 --> 00:02:39.600 make arguments on both sides in terms of like there's nothing it doesn't matter and then there's 34 00:02:39.600 --> 00:02:45.600 really amazing apologists like Ravi Zacharias who's an amazing apologist who's a Christian there's 35 00:02:45.600 --> 00:02:49.360 just there's just a ton of guys right and they're brilliant people and you can listen to both sides 36 00:02:49.360 --> 00:02:54.480 the arguments but I think what ends up happening is that on some level you have a belief and I'll 37 00:02:54.480 --> 00:02:59.280 rename that as an assumption because all beliefs are assumptions but everyone has these assumptions 38 00:02:59.280 --> 00:03:04.880 and at some point you just have to say like okay there's stuff on both sides that jury has to pass 39 00:03:04.880 --> 00:03:12.960 a verdict right and to say that like we have cracked it or like Alex has cracked it the deeper you go 40 00:03:12.960 --> 00:03:17.600 in these arguments the more there's other arguments that just continue to get pulled and that's 41 00:03:17.600 --> 00:03:20.480 why I just fell into this rabbit hole where I was like I need to start becoming a productive member 42 00:03:20.480 --> 00:03:24.400 of society because like this is just going on forever and that's when she was just like I think 43 00:03:24.400 --> 00:03:30.640 you just need to decide and for me the thing that felt more true to what what I actually believed was 44 00:03:30.640 --> 00:03:35.440 that I didn't think any of it was real and I think it was because that initially saddened me 45 00:03:36.000 --> 00:03:40.800 and I didn't want that to be that's why I spent so much time trying to like logic my way in 46 00:03:41.360 --> 00:03:47.360 to believing because I do think it's a better life perspective to believe that there's capital M 47 00:03:47.360 --> 00:03:51.760 meaning that there's somebody behind the scenes who's directing our lives so we can accomplish 48 00:03:52.640 --> 00:03:59.600 some greater goal right beyond ourselves I just don't believe that I wish I did I spent five 49 00:03:59.600 --> 00:04:03.520 years trying to I just don't believe it and for everybody who messaged me and said I really just 50 00:04:03.520 --> 00:04:08.720 need to talk to you for five minutes please don't I'm good I'm very content with my belief and so 51 00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:16.160 for me now I had to learn how to live with that belief and then kind of go from there which is like 52 00:04:16.160 --> 00:04:21.520 I don't believe that anything happens after we die and my evidence for that is that I have been dead 53 00:04:22.240 --> 00:04:26.640 because I have not been alive and I know what it was like before I was alive which was there was 54 00:04:26.640 --> 00:04:31.840 nothing and I think that that's exactly what it'll be when I am not alive again so to me I'm okay 55 00:04:31.840 --> 00:04:38.240 with it and that's fine and I know it's I'm not right you know what I mean it doesn't like that's 56 00:04:38.240 --> 00:04:43.360 just my two cents Alex is two cents on the world and I think that people just need to figure out a 57 00:04:43.360 --> 00:04:47.520 belief like whenever someone states a belief and they're like well I don't think that I'm like 58 00:04:47.520 --> 00:04:55.360 cool like awesome as long as like your belief serve you great like I'm I'm pro you it's interesting 59 00:04:55.360 --> 00:05:00.400 once you I guess I'll rid of the idea or you didn't get rid of the idea of religion but you 60 00:05:00.400 --> 00:05:06.080 just deemed it wasn't true for you you described in the last episode that we did with you that you 61 00:05:06.080 --> 00:05:13.600 became nihilist could you define nihilism for those watching and also once you did become a nihilist 62 00:05:13.600 --> 00:05:17.920 how did that change your life did it change anything on the day to day or did it just like basically 63 00:05:17.920 --> 00:05:23.440 reaffirm kind of what you already believed me down I think it it formal a crystallized thoughts 64 00:05:23.440 --> 00:05:26.960 that I already had so it's like you know how you have you these thoughts that are ill-defined 65 00:05:26.960 --> 00:05:30.720 or more amorphous and like once you put words to them you're like that's what I believe right 66 00:05:30.720 --> 00:05:34.960 and so I think that once I understood like I don't even know nihilism of this thing when someone's 67 00:05:34.960 --> 00:05:39.440 like oh you sound like you believe in those like oh and but again that's just a label so like 68 00:05:39.440 --> 00:05:42.960 people want a lot labels on things because it's easier for us to organize in our minds but like 69 00:05:44.000 --> 00:05:48.320 I just inherently believe that there is no capital M meaning that's it that's all I believe 70 00:05:48.400 --> 00:05:53.120 it's just that there's no capital M meaning to what we're doing there's little M meaning as in like 71 00:05:53.120 --> 00:05:58.560 I find this meaningful I find this stimulating I do things that I enjoy like those are things 72 00:05:58.560 --> 00:06:04.640 that I find meaningful little M but is me doing this podcast big M universe meaningful no I don't think 73 00:06:04.640 --> 00:06:10.560 so some people will disagree with me that's okay I that's just my perspective and so in terms of how 74 00:06:10.560 --> 00:06:16.640 it shifted my life it actually in a lot of ways dramatically improve my life what was the worst 75 00:06:16.640 --> 00:06:20.480 thing for me was the indecision that five years was really hard for me because I just I felt like 76 00:06:20.480 --> 00:06:24.320 I couldn't make progress either way like I feel like I needed to be there say like I'm all in 77 00:06:25.040 --> 00:06:30.000 I'm going you know all down the religious path that's my that's the game or I actually don't 78 00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:33.600 believe this and people could make the argument well there's probably a million shades in between 79 00:06:33.600 --> 00:06:38.160 sure but for me there wasn't this is it was either this or this for me and so believing that there 80 00:06:38.160 --> 00:06:44.400 was no inherent meaning freed me from a lot of stuff so this belief that I had to do what my 81 00:06:44.400 --> 00:06:49.440 parents said or or you know listen to the opinions of others or and like be weighed down by 82 00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:54.560 judgment that I perceived to be there which arguably probably weren't right those were the things 83 00:06:54.560 --> 00:06:58.800 that it gave me relief from and then the day-to-day anxieties of like running a business and like 84 00:06:58.800 --> 00:07:05.120 this person stole clients from you and I'm like we die it won't matter it's okay like we'll move on 85 00:07:05.680 --> 00:07:10.480 like it's just not going to matter and and that's why I share it because there are probably other 86 00:07:10.480 --> 00:07:15.360 people who were in the same boat as me and so like I'm just sharing it for those people and if 87 00:07:15.360 --> 00:07:20.240 you're not one of those people I love you and that's awesome like I'm so stoked for you that you 88 00:07:20.240 --> 00:07:24.320 believe what you believe but if you're not one of those people I do think that giving yourself 89 00:07:24.320 --> 00:07:28.480 the freedom to have whatever little M meaning you want out of the activities that you do is 90 00:07:28.480 --> 00:07:33.440 incredibly freeing because you you get to you get to do what you define as as meaningful which is 91 00:07:33.440 --> 00:07:40.240 great I like that who do you look up to Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger are probably my two 92 00:07:40.480 --> 00:07:47.440 like heroes my they've lived a life that I admire in a lot of ways I think that like 93 00:07:48.000 --> 00:07:56.800 and like my life goal was to be like King Solomon just a wise man and I feel like they are like 94 00:07:56.800 --> 00:08:03.760 modern day you know King Solomon King Solomon's in that they are wise they accumulated a lot of wealth 95 00:08:03.760 --> 00:08:09.120 and they did it living what I would consider you know Aristotle's like good life they did life 96 00:08:09.200 --> 00:08:14.000 their way and I just have a tremendous amount of respect for that and I have a lot of respect for 97 00:08:14.720 --> 00:08:19.200 Elon you know it's I think it's more like the people that I look up to are people who are just 98 00:08:19.200 --> 00:08:24.080 authentically them and just do things their way and so that is what I try to do and I think Nile 99 00:08:24.080 --> 00:08:27.360 doesn't actually help me do that a lot because I wasn't trying to fit into a cookie cutter of like you 100 00:08:27.360 --> 00:08:33.600 have to do these things this way just most more like I'm gonna do this my way you know and that 101 00:08:33.600 --> 00:08:39.040 comment that's okay period and that was very freeing for me and so I think those guys embody a lot 102 00:08:39.040 --> 00:08:44.640 of those traits a really interesting thing that I that I read was a lot of us make heroes out of our 103 00:08:44.640 --> 00:08:48.880 own deficiencies and so like the people that we look up to are the people that embody things that 104 00:08:48.880 --> 00:08:53.520 we wish we had and so it's like being mindful of who you look up to is a great exercise and self 105 00:08:53.520 --> 00:08:58.320 reflection it's like why do I look up to these people and it's probably because on some level like 106 00:08:58.320 --> 00:09:04.480 I feel the most pressure of not being me right and and so like the pressures around like I mean 107 00:09:04.480 --> 00:09:09.920 I almost was in hardcore religious person like I am very you know I don't say susceptible like 108 00:09:09.920 --> 00:09:16.400 I am swayed by those things and so making the decision to choose not to do that despite 109 00:09:16.400 --> 00:09:21.120 basically walking away from a community and all that stuff was very hard but if all right to me 110 00:09:21.120 --> 00:09:26.960 and so I feel confident in the decision who do you look up to Jack yeah you Graham oh 111 00:09:28.320 --> 00:09:36.480 I would say probably mainly just my parents big idols of mine uh interesting is it yeah I mean 112 00:09:36.480 --> 00:09:39.920 that I think that's interesting I think a lot of people don't look up to parents because I think 113 00:09:39.920 --> 00:09:47.280 they live a perfect life wow I don't know I just I really really admired they're great people I 114 00:09:47.280 --> 00:09:53.120 I love their philosophies and I think they're super nice they're charitable they're respectful 115 00:09:54.000 --> 00:10:01.280 good people it's great they got a nice house too oh that's what it really was yeah oh yeah 116 00:10:01.280 --> 00:10:07.280 overlooks the beach well Jack's trying to get on the wheel right now yeah I love you mom and 117 00:10:07.280 --> 00:10:11.440 I think that's the best seriously just make sure to put me in title though I love you way more than 118 00:10:11.440 --> 00:10:22.880 my brother yeah yeah so was the view yes if we're good to tag I guess like a great driveway nice 119 00:10:22.880 --> 00:10:30.640 good yeah we're talking like big figures yeah the house the house is good but I would say I guess like 120 00:10:31.840 --> 00:10:35.920 I really look I like Elon Musk hmm I don't want to be one of those people that's just like a 121 00:10:35.920 --> 00:10:41.360 classic person that just like uh idolizes Elon Musk but he's he's pretty awesome it's like 122 00:10:41.360 --> 00:10:44.480 saying LeBron's not a good basketball player everyone says LeBron's a good bad it's like it doesn't 123 00:10:44.480 --> 00:10:48.400 like well that's why I had no problem admitting that I'm like he's like he's admirable that more 124 00:10:48.400 --> 00:10:53.920 people admit it has nothing to do with his excellence yeah right it's hard for me to to look up to 125 00:10:53.920 --> 00:10:59.040 people that I don't know super well fair I suppose like it's easier if I know someone through and 126 00:10:59.040 --> 00:11:04.240 through like I anytime I picture people I admire it's mostly the first things that come to mind are 127 00:11:04.240 --> 00:11:09.840 people that I'm familiar with you know that's really interesting because I think it's like for me 128 00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:15.040 like the entrepreneurial career path that I went on and went from having mentors to heroes and so mentors 129 00:11:15.040 --> 00:11:18.400 are people who like at least as I find that you have close proximity to kind of speak into your 130 00:11:18.400 --> 00:11:24.080 life and I think as you continue to like I say level up and I say that loosely within the material 131 00:11:24.080 --> 00:11:28.240 success world that's all I'm saying there were fewer and fewer people in my close proximity that I 132 00:11:28.240 --> 00:11:33.600 was like I look up to you because I feel like I've already kind of hit some of the these checkmarks 133 00:11:34.400 --> 00:11:40.240 and so I think that you end up moving up to like finding your heroes and then that's like Charlie 134 00:11:40.240 --> 00:11:44.160 Margaret talks about this where he has all these all his best friends are dead because it's like 135 00:11:44.160 --> 00:11:50.080 Benjamin Franklin and the people that he consumed all their stuff because he they became his mentors 136 00:11:50.080 --> 00:11:55.680 and so I think that that at least for me was a shift that I feel like has continued to reinforce 137 00:11:55.680 --> 00:12:01.760 itself over time is like the people I look up to are not in my life at all but I still consume like 138 00:12:01.760 --> 00:12:06.640 like I've been tremendously impacted by war and and Charlie even though I don't know them but you're 139 00:12:06.640 --> 00:12:10.480 saying like once you check those boxes of the reasons why you looked up to these people then you 140 00:12:10.480 --> 00:12:15.120 could no longer look up to them now look up to them but like try to be mindful of how I say this 141 00:12:15.120 --> 00:12:21.520 but like I'll give a very quantitative example if I if I'm looking up to somebody for you know 142 00:12:22.400 --> 00:12:28.880 their physique or something right and then I achieve the physique that I want then it's not 143 00:12:28.880 --> 00:12:34.000 that I don't look up to them but like I don't I don't need more like I have I have understood the 144 00:12:34.000 --> 00:12:39.760 lessons I don't need more lessons on this path like I get it but what if it's not something like 145 00:12:39.760 --> 00:12:44.800 uh like like it's more like of a mental thing like you look up to them for their like philosophies 146 00:12:45.360 --> 00:12:50.240 or just they're over what he understands the philosophies you can check that off and really 147 00:12:50.960 --> 00:12:55.040 so there's like that I mean Richard Feynman talks about this where the point is not to memorize 148 00:12:55.040 --> 00:12:58.240 point is to understand right it's like once you understand something it becomes a part of you 149 00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:02.000 and you take it with you and you can apply it in a number of scenarios and so if someone has 150 00:13:02.000 --> 00:13:05.760 something or a perspective that you don't have the goal should just be to understand it so that you 151 00:13:05.760 --> 00:13:11.680 can take it with you I actually really like that answer because I can relate a lot to that 152 00:13:11.680 --> 00:13:16.880 because when I look at people like when I watched people for example on YouTube when I was learning 153 00:13:16.960 --> 00:13:23.360 you let's say photography I didn't want to keep them as my mentor forever because then if I look 154 00:13:23.360 --> 00:13:29.600 up to somebody and I don't learn and I don't understand myself then there will always be a deficit 155 00:13:29.600 --> 00:13:34.560 between my knowledge and their knowledge if that makes sense so I think it's always good to 156 00:13:35.280 --> 00:13:40.720 to kind of want to understand things fully for yourself for you know and I think there's also a 157 00:13:40.720 --> 00:13:46.080 sequence to knowledge so this is this is actually kind of interesting so if you think about 158 00:13:46.080 --> 00:13:50.080 when you learned math because it's a simple example right like first you learned like simple 159 00:13:50.080 --> 00:13:53.760 addition and then you learned multiplication and then when you went from your addition teacher 160 00:13:53.760 --> 00:13:59.760 your arithmetic teacher to your multiplication teacher you weren't like screw my arithmetic 161 00:13:59.760 --> 00:14:03.840 to teacher there was so much better stuff out there like they were teaching me basics it's like 162 00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:07.840 well you had to learn that to learn the next thing right so it's not like I poo poo them it's just 163 00:14:07.840 --> 00:14:13.440 that like I no longer need that I need some I need the next building block and so I think that if 164 00:14:13.440 --> 00:14:17.680 you look at your life in those components of like maybe health and wealth and relationships and 165 00:14:17.680 --> 00:14:24.160 maybe spirituality etc like you can look up to people who have an understanding of the topic that 166 00:14:24.160 --> 00:14:27.840 is more in depth than your current understanding or has an understanding that you prefer to your 167 00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:32.320 understanding and then learn of them in that and if someone just continues to have a more and more 168 00:14:32.320 --> 00:14:37.360 in depth understanding of it which is why I think like the higher up you go in terms of like the 169 00:14:37.360 --> 00:14:40.640 people that you're looking at the deeper their knowledge is on the subject which gives you a 170 00:14:40.640 --> 00:14:46.000 longer period of time to continue to look up them right and so which is why it's natural that a lot 171 00:14:46.000 --> 00:14:51.600 of many people share the big public heroes because those big public heroes have such a depth of 172 00:14:51.600 --> 00:14:54.960 knowledge compared to everyone else that they can stay public heroes because a lot of people never 173 00:14:54.960 --> 00:15:00.480 never surpass them or never fully understand what those people understand but like if you're 174 00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:05.920 close proximity you assimilate the lessons and knowledge and knowledge and perspective from 175 00:15:05.920 --> 00:15:11.920 them then like you expand your circle it seems from the the outside that you've already kind of like 176 00:15:11.920 --> 00:15:16.880 optimized everything I don't want to say you're setting your ways but you do you you're you're 177 00:15:16.880 --> 00:15:22.960 confident in what you believe and what's optimal at this point and what can you work on it and 178 00:15:22.960 --> 00:15:29.440 what's your biggest insecurity oh to go on uh certainly not your hairline certainly not 179 00:15:30.400 --> 00:15:43.600 oh man my biggest insecurity it's probably the dual-sided coin of ego and validation from others 180 00:15:43.600 --> 00:15:49.120 I still am sensitive to the fact that like I know that it still drives me and I don't like that 181 00:15:49.120 --> 00:15:54.320 it does and so it's just like you know just consistently trying to just peel back the amount that 182 00:15:54.320 --> 00:16:00.320 it influences my decision-making processes you know like the simple example is the content 183 00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:04.080 example so you make a video you think it's awesome people think it sucks and there's like two size 184 00:16:04.080 --> 00:16:07.440 that one is like you want to serve a marketplace so you have to understand that part of it but the 185 00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:12.000 other part of it is like do I know suck right which is like am I taking the performance of the thing 186 00:16:12.000 --> 00:16:16.400 and then you know projecting it out of myself and I think that I still have a tendency to do that 187 00:16:16.400 --> 00:16:22.080 more than I would die be happy you know like I would prefer to not do that I prefer to 188 00:16:23.280 --> 00:16:30.080 take the feedback objectively as it is and have zero percent reflect back on me but I don't 189 00:16:30.080 --> 00:16:36.080 I'm not at zero percent and so I think that's probably my my biggest insecurity is is the validation 190 00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:39.840 from others piece I think I think I'm significantly better at it than I wise but I think it's 191 00:16:39.840 --> 00:16:45.040 still something that I want to work on who do you seek validation from oh it's just like the unwashed 192 00:16:45.040 --> 00:16:49.840 you know just the masses overall yeah and it as a as a quick rerun on the point that you're making 193 00:16:49.840 --> 00:16:55.120 earlier like I think I've inherited a lot of the character traits not inherited but like actively 194 00:16:55.120 --> 00:16:59.120 tried to ascribe to a lot of the character traits like trying to monger and and warm buff it 195 00:16:59.120 --> 00:17:03.440 and I think a lot of that is because like when I look at old people they have really good perspectives 196 00:17:03.440 --> 00:17:08.160 on things and most of them don't care about most things because they realize that life is short 197 00:17:08.160 --> 00:17:12.720 and so I'm trying to live my life as an old man for a longer period of time rather than waiting 198 00:17:12.720 --> 00:17:17.280 until I'm 70 to realize that it doesn't matter and I'm going to die it's just that I think once 199 00:17:17.280 --> 00:17:23.680 people get older and and their death is looming their priorities become much clearer and the the 200 00:17:24.960 --> 00:17:28.880 I think in entities to throw it in entities of life become irrelevant right it's just like who cares 201 00:17:28.880 --> 00:17:34.800 like that doesn't matter I like because life is literally too short for them like they literally 202 00:17:34.800 --> 00:17:40.320 don't have time for that and so trying to kind of project that into the present and trying to use an 203 00:17:40.320 --> 00:17:46.320 old man's wisdom and a young man's life is kind of my my goal but then what about a skill or 204 00:17:46.320 --> 00:17:54.480 something that you don't yet have I feel like so I talk about this on my channel a lot but there's 205 00:17:54.480 --> 00:17:58.560 there's there's three things that limit limit an entrepreneur right there's skills there's 206 00:17:58.560 --> 00:18:03.920 character traits and there's beliefs and so the beliefs are some of the hardest ones because you're 207 00:18:03.920 --> 00:18:07.040 not aware of them because you believe them right we question all of our beliefs except for those 208 00:18:07.040 --> 00:18:11.360 that we truly believe in those are everything to question right and so those are the three things 209 00:18:11.360 --> 00:18:16.320 in terms of improvement so it's not necessarily just skills it's also like traits and beliefs I think 210 00:18:16.320 --> 00:18:22.720 that from a skill perspective when I look at like leverage a vehicle I don't I don't do I don't feel 211 00:18:22.720 --> 00:18:29.120 comfortable raising funds from other people that would probably be the next natural pet the next 212 00:18:29.120 --> 00:18:34.960 natural piece to my business career would be having some sort of fun structure for like the 213 00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:39.360 investments that we're doing because we're obviously getting very good returns on them I just 214 00:18:39.360 --> 00:18:44.960 there's part of me that I can see the value in the fun structure and having you know helping other 215 00:18:44.960 --> 00:18:50.080 people participate in a cello you know allowing us to do more deals bigger deals etc but there is a 216 00:18:50.080 --> 00:18:56.320 certain amount of autonomy that I that I enjoy having not reporting to anyone and so I wouldn't 217 00:18:56.320 --> 00:19:00.480 want the investors to become a new boss because that I know I would not like and so I'd have to 218 00:19:00.480 --> 00:19:03.680 structure the right but anyways I think that is that is probably a skill deficiency that I currently 219 00:19:03.840 --> 00:19:07.600 have at least a in-depth understanding of capital markets from like the fundraising side 220 00:19:08.960 --> 00:19:14.400 that's probably the skill that I I need to work on the most in the probably three to five year horizon 221 00:19:16.720 --> 00:19:21.360 real quick guys if you can think about how you found this podcast somebody probably tweeted it told 222 00:19:21.360 --> 00:19:26.160 you about it shared it on instagram or something like that the only way this grows is through word of 223 00:19:26.160 --> 00:19:30.320 math and so I don't run ads I don't do sponsorships I don't sell anything my only 224 00:19:30.320 --> 00:19:34.400 ass is that you continue to pay it for do ever show to you or however you found out about this 225 00:19:34.400 --> 00:19:39.280 podcast that you do the exact same thing so if it was a review if it was a post if you do that 226 00:19:39.280 --> 00:19:42.000 it would mean the world to me and you'll throw some good karma out there for another entrepreneur 227 00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:48.880 y'all Alex you should ask some questions yeah so much you disagree with about what I said Alex 228 00:19:48.880 --> 00:19:55.520 yeah you want me to disagree with more of your points oh my god yeah sure I don't know because I 229 00:19:55.520 --> 00:20:00.000 don't think but this give us give us some some either issues problems or things in your life 230 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.040 Alex that you want to work on or that you want to improve my whole life we didn't do anything we 231 00:20:05.040 --> 00:20:09.440 didn't do any of that oh let's talk about that you know what Graham that is a problem in my life 232 00:20:09.440 --> 00:20:15.840 let's talk about that so as you guys can tell by looking at me you know I'm not the the peak of 233 00:20:15.840 --> 00:20:21.840 physical fitness okay but that is definitely a problem in my life that I think that I've 234 00:20:21.840 --> 00:20:26.800 neglected and I think that I could definitely use like a lot of work on and there's a lot of 235 00:20:26.800 --> 00:20:31.120 aspects to it but Alex how do you do it to just conquer because I mean look at you man you 236 00:20:35.840 --> 00:20:38.720 I noticed that the jab on these like is that a tighter 237 00:20:40.320 --> 00:20:45.200 no I just worked out this morning I'm thinking the same thing it's incredible thanks man 238 00:20:45.280 --> 00:20:51.520 I appreciate yeah that's what I do it for for that validation yeah it would rip it yeah it's 239 00:20:51.520 --> 00:20:56.320 stretchy that's the key right that's the key so this is this is a good question because I mean I 240 00:20:56.320 --> 00:21:00.960 did this I dedicated the first half of my professional career to this and I would say that the 241 00:21:00.960 --> 00:21:06.160 nice thing is that the fitness we lost thing is a question that that has a lot of roots that 242 00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:09.440 can apply to other things it can apply to personal finance it can apply to fitness it can apply to 243 00:21:09.440 --> 00:21:14.160 marriage like the the concepts of how you fix it are the same and so I would ask you a question 244 00:21:14.160 --> 00:21:19.840 back which is Alex what do you think you should do well yeah if you wanted to be it better than you 245 00:21:19.840 --> 00:21:27.360 are right now what would you do it would regards to fitness sure um I already know what to do I 246 00:21:27.360 --> 00:21:32.400 got right yeah and so the so the real question is not what what do I need to do because you already 247 00:21:32.400 --> 00:21:37.680 know what to do questions why aren't you doing it yeah so how do I answer that question because like 248 00:21:37.680 --> 00:21:42.640 I mean like I I was talking to Graham about this the other day and I'm gonna get a really personal 249 00:21:42.640 --> 00:21:48.720 here guy yeah you know I told Graham that at the weight that I met and luckily I'm comfortable to 250 00:21:48.720 --> 00:21:53.440 talk about this so please don't pull back and and I might be putting myself in a box here and I 251 00:21:53.440 --> 00:21:58.000 need to do this but I'm speaking openly I feel like at my weight you don't get to my weight 252 00:21:58.640 --> 00:22:05.200 by having like a small problem right I think there's some sort of like emotional problem whether 253 00:22:05.200 --> 00:22:12.560 it's like something like a either another addiction to food or like some sort of like how much how 254 00:22:12.560 --> 00:22:16.400 much how much do you weigh right now if you're comfortable saying it ask you a better question okay 255 00:22:16.400 --> 00:22:24.000 why aren't you 200 pounds heavier probably because I can't eat that much so you do know how to stop 256 00:22:24.800 --> 00:22:31.120 yes I believe right so here's what's interesting you do know how to stop it's just that you're stopping 257 00:22:31.120 --> 00:22:35.200 you don't have an issue you just stop at the wrong point so it's not like I can't stop but you 258 00:22:35.200 --> 00:22:39.440 can stop because otherwise you'd be 200 pounds heavier can you explain that a little more I'm 259 00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:45.680 so a lot of people were like I have an issue you know I've been geneing I can't stop eating once I 260 00:22:45.680 --> 00:22:50.720 started cetera it's like okay well then why aren't you twice as big well I can't I can't eat that 261 00:22:50.720 --> 00:22:56.160 much cool okay so you do know how to stop we just need to shift when you stop right but that's like 262 00:22:56.240 --> 00:23:02.320 again that's only to break that belief the real real is is becoming rather than thinking about 263 00:23:02.320 --> 00:23:06.000 the doing right so you've probably heard the B do have right like you have to be a certain type 264 00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:13.120 like habits and how we create our identities are self reinforcing right we do certain things and 265 00:23:13.120 --> 00:23:16.160 because we do those things we believe certain things about ourselves right and we because we 266 00:23:16.160 --> 00:23:19.360 believe certain things about ourselves we do certain things right and so it's a it's a constant 267 00:23:19.360 --> 00:23:23.520 reinforcement loop and so like one of the tells us somebody who's not going to be successful is like 268 00:23:23.520 --> 00:23:27.680 oh I'm trying to lose weight it's like no that's not because like they've already identified 269 00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:31.920 themselves as somebody who's not going to lose weight and so they're we just need to wait for 270 00:23:31.920 --> 00:23:35.040 them to fail right because they're already they're already you're saying this is outside of myself 271 00:23:35.040 --> 00:23:40.960 I have to push myself to get there rather than thinking like I'm I want to become a healthy person 272 00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:47.040 and so when you are confronting the many hundreds of decisions that you have every day rather than 273 00:23:47.040 --> 00:23:51.040 trying to zone in on the super tactical of like I have to weigh this and I have to count this and 274 00:23:51.040 --> 00:23:56.080 whatever it's just simply like what would a healthy person do in the scenario like at every point 275 00:23:56.080 --> 00:23:59.920 just like what a healthy person do it's like they would do this like okay and the thing is like 276 00:23:59.920 --> 00:24:02.960 you're not trying to be necessarily right you just want to be less wrong than you are right now 277 00:24:03.520 --> 00:24:10.240 yeah that makes sense I think maybe that's where I kind of had a dom fall because 278 00:24:11.040 --> 00:24:18.240 there was a point where I did commit to to weight loss and I mean I in my head I guess I wasn't 279 00:24:18.240 --> 00:24:24.480 right but in my head I committed that you know this is a lifestyle change right it's with 280 00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:32.160 me for the whole life and I lost 45 pounds with you know for me that was a lot but for some reason 281 00:24:32.160 --> 00:24:38.080 and it was all that was in my head like every day when I would wake up you know I would be it 282 00:24:38.080 --> 00:24:43.040 would be like a conscious like choice of like what I was eating blah blah blah you know and but 283 00:24:43.120 --> 00:24:49.520 but the thing is it became so I don't want to say I don't know if it was toxic but it 284 00:24:49.520 --> 00:24:54.720 became so I'm gonna use the word toxic that like that's all I thought about in my head and I don't 285 00:24:54.720 --> 00:25:02.960 know how to go back there without doing that again because it was so that part was so detrimental 286 00:25:02.960 --> 00:25:09.920 to to my health but obviously so is eating so yeah they're both that but the thing is is like 287 00:25:10.640 --> 00:25:18.640 I think you can take us a season and not project it forever right so it's just for now you will have 288 00:25:18.640 --> 00:25:23.200 this kind of obsession around eating food and that's okay because you're making a behavior change 289 00:25:23.200 --> 00:25:26.960 right like it's good that it's at the front of your mind like that is what is creating the change 290 00:25:27.840 --> 00:25:32.240 after you do that for a year or two years or three years it will stop being as important because 291 00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:36.000 you'll do it without thinking about it and then it's not gonna be a thing but most people who 292 00:25:36.000 --> 00:25:40.320 have like really exceptional physiques were obsessed with it for a period of time most people 293 00:25:40.320 --> 00:25:43.920 have exceptional marriages were obsessed with it for a period of time people have really good 294 00:25:43.920 --> 00:25:47.040 personal finances were obsessed with it for a period of time and then there's just so many things 295 00:25:47.040 --> 00:25:51.520 that like you don't even think about they're like well of course I use whatever you know apps 296 00:25:51.520 --> 00:25:56.240 use like of course I don't go out to I don't get advertisers when we got of course I don't buy name 297 00:25:56.240 --> 00:26:00.640 brands that like it's just obviously but when in the beginning you have to put active attention 298 00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:06.240 because it's not normal what the goal is just to get the activities that you're doing to become 299 00:26:06.240 --> 00:26:09.280 kind of unconscious competence which is like you're doing them without thinking about them so 300 00:26:09.280 --> 00:26:12.640 they don't actually take well power because it's just how you've always done it but you have to get 301 00:26:12.640 --> 00:26:16.880 through the part where it's not how you've always done it and so you have to allocate more attention 302 00:26:16.880 --> 00:26:22.080 to it so I don't like judging yourself on the fact that it was quote obsessive is like so what 303 00:26:22.960 --> 00:26:28.960 but I think it's the toxic meant it's the mentality now it's right so why was that why was that toxic 304 00:26:28.960 --> 00:26:35.440 for you like what made that that impactful like it was literally distracting me from my work 305 00:26:35.440 --> 00:26:42.960 like I would sit there and I would be working and all I can think about was like okay like at 5 p.m 306 00:26:42.960 --> 00:26:49.680 I'm like I obsessed with the numbers like I knew like and this is good I think it's important 307 00:26:49.680 --> 00:26:54.400 to know this like I knew how many meals or how much how many calories the next meal I was eating 308 00:26:54.480 --> 00:27:00.400 at wet time like how many calories I have left for the day because I was so focused on trying to be 309 00:27:00.400 --> 00:27:08.000 in a caloric deficit which is obviously like the key to losing weight but like I would be working 310 00:27:08.000 --> 00:27:13.760 and I would just think about it and then it would like pull me out of my work and you know like 311 00:27:13.760 --> 00:27:19.360 like Alex said I mean maybe it was a good thing but and then eventually it just you know I 312 00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:25.360 I stopped following what I was doing which I in hindsight obviously I wish I didn't but 313 00:27:26.240 --> 00:27:32.400 it that's why it became I think the problem for me Graham but yeah Alex wouldn't you say it's 314 00:27:32.400 --> 00:27:39.760 better this Alex to find the root cause of the issue like to go deeper and say this is why 315 00:27:39.760 --> 00:27:46.640 I you know I'm eating a certain way this is what maybe caused it and solving that underlying 316 00:27:46.640 --> 00:27:51.200 issue would kind of help everything else rather than just focus on the surface level calories in 317 00:27:51.200 --> 00:27:56.880 calories out yeah I hear what you're saying with the question I think a lot of us because if we 318 00:27:56.880 --> 00:28:03.440 have a big problem we want to find a big root cause and sometimes it's not and I think that we 319 00:28:03.440 --> 00:28:07.200 have to give ourselves permission for like maybe just food days good and like we're evolutionarily 320 00:28:07.200 --> 00:28:12.400 designed to like have a super stimuli when something is salty and fatty and sweet at the same time 321 00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:16.240 and so like we've gotten very good at pushing around buttons and so like just saying like 322 00:28:16.240 --> 00:28:20.320 yeah this is not because like in some ways it becomes this like huge beast that I have to defeat 323 00:28:20.320 --> 00:28:24.400 when we say like this this huge emotional issue and I have my kid my parents and when I was 324 00:28:24.400 --> 00:28:28.480 kid and I would eat ice cream and that's how I felt good well like you tell us all these stories 325 00:28:28.800 --> 00:28:36.080 but I don't know how useful it is because then it just it just exaggerates the the size of the problem 326 00:28:36.080 --> 00:28:40.960 rather than just saying like I am going to be a healthy person and make decisions that are 327 00:28:40.960 --> 00:28:44.560 in accordance with that and a healthy person if they ate out ones wouldn't be like oh I guess 328 00:28:44.560 --> 00:28:48.640 I'm not a healthy person anymore they would just do better you know they would just go back to normal 329 00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:55.440 the next day and so like you can start whenever as long as you start changing how you identify yourself 330 00:28:56.400 --> 00:29:00.080 and I think that's just like that's the root of this stuff is like how do you identify yourself 331 00:29:00.080 --> 00:29:03.760 and then you act in accordance with that identity like if you are always like I've just always 332 00:29:03.760 --> 00:29:06.960 struggled with my weight well then that's what you identify with and so you're just going to 333 00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:11.520 reinforce that identity so we have to switch that there's a great book on this James Clear Talks 334 00:29:11.520 --> 00:29:16.880 it's atomic habits really good but you were going to live in accordance with that and so you have 335 00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:21.520 to stop say like you have to stop identifying with the things that are not serving you I I mean 336 00:29:21.520 --> 00:29:27.360 I agree I just I don't know what to say what's holding you back Alex gosh we're going deep 337 00:29:28.720 --> 00:29:34.240 I I really don't know to be honest with you why wouldn't you start today there's no reason 338 00:29:34.320 --> 00:29:38.880 so we could do that I mean there's nothing but there there was nothing holding me back 339 00:29:38.880 --> 00:29:43.440 yesterday or the day before which is the decision yeah yeah exactly so you can make the decision 340 00:29:43.440 --> 00:29:50.400 whenever you want yes but I think it's a it's a hard decision I guess why wouldn't you do it today 341 00:29:50.400 --> 00:29:54.240 there's literally no reason well there is a reason because you're not doing it so why wouldn't you 342 00:29:54.240 --> 00:30:00.000 do why are you not doing this right now we got there's there's literally no reason well that maybe 343 00:30:00.080 --> 00:30:03.840 there is like you said but I there's none that I can think I think there yeah I think the reason 344 00:30:03.840 --> 00:30:08.800 would be that that Alex feels like he could do it at any time so why start today because it's I 345 00:30:08.800 --> 00:30:12.960 think it's easier to start next week or the week after and I know this because I'm very much 346 00:30:12.960 --> 00:30:18.240 the same way you know what yeah I agree with that because I feel like it's my choice but then 347 00:30:18.240 --> 00:30:23.440 that's so stupid because when I'm now sitting here I'm like well I also had the choice to 348 00:30:23.520 --> 00:30:29.520 start it a year ago right so isn't it doesn't it get to the point where all of a sudden the pain 349 00:30:29.520 --> 00:30:34.960 exceeds the the pleasure and I don't think Alex has gotten to a point yet where it's it's painful it's 350 00:30:34.960 --> 00:30:41.840 maybe uncomfortable but I think starting now is more uncomfortable than just you might have to get 351 00:30:41.840 --> 00:30:48.480 bigger what yeah you might have to get bigger to get there like just I mean the thing of the day like 352 00:30:48.480 --> 00:30:52.160 you just have to hit your your version of rock bottom you know I mean for me like my version of 353 00:30:52.160 --> 00:30:57.680 rock bottom is like 15% body fat and so like for me I'm like like what am I doing like I look at 354 00:30:57.680 --> 00:31:03.280 myself and I'm like just do pieces come on don't eat like an asshole you know and then I got my 355 00:31:03.280 --> 00:31:06.640 shit together and so like the only difference like between how people look is just where they draw 356 00:31:06.640 --> 00:31:10.480 the line of where they feel like an asshole I guess it like all you're doing is just like saying 357 00:31:10.480 --> 00:31:15.680 you know like I feel like an asshole if I have above you know 10% body fat there's tons of people 358 00:31:15.680 --> 00:31:19.840 live there there's tons of people were like that line is 20% that line is 30% but what's crazy is 359 00:31:19.840 --> 00:31:24.080 that like once you find maintenance you just maintain the same way so it's like for me I'd think 360 00:31:24.080 --> 00:31:28.800 like why would you not maintain it good rather than maintaining it normal because like all you have 361 00:31:28.800 --> 00:31:33.840 to do is get there once and then you just maintain it so anyways that's you know Alex's perspective 362 00:31:33.840 --> 00:31:37.920 but that's also because I came from somebody who really wanted outside validation and so the easiest 363 00:31:37.920 --> 00:31:41.760 of first place to start for me was my body so I started lifting was 13 years old so I'm like 364 00:31:41.760 --> 00:31:45.840 almost 20 years in this game in terms of like the lifting and and health and stuff and so for 365 00:31:45.840 --> 00:31:50.640 me this is not like we had we talked about it dinner last night it's like this is not in any way 366 00:31:50.640 --> 00:31:55.680 time consuming for me mentally because like I am a healthy person and I do these things because that 367 00:31:55.680 --> 00:32:00.800 is who I am and so it is not very difficult for me it's just difficult for people to make the change 368 00:32:00.800 --> 00:32:03.840 you know I know the quote you were saying which is the you know when the change occurs when staying 369 00:32:03.840 --> 00:32:09.040 the same exceeds the pain of change right and so it's like if your current existence hurts more than 370 00:32:09.040 --> 00:32:13.040 the discomfort that you will go through then you will go through the new discomfort to get out of 371 00:32:13.040 --> 00:32:17.040 the current pain right there's a million ways you can do it and that's why when you say like the 372 00:32:17.040 --> 00:32:21.120 root issue it's like there's lots of tiny cues in Alex's environment that reinforces 373 00:32:21.120 --> 00:32:25.360 the current behavior it's not one thing it's like what's in the pantry is and he walks in the door 374 00:32:25.360 --> 00:32:29.200 like just like all of these tiny little things so like you can change someone's environment and I'll 375 00:32:29.200 --> 00:32:34.800 tell you an interesting one that I actually read in James clears book but so heroin's very hard 376 00:32:34.800 --> 00:32:40.480 to get off of and that's a statement of belief but I'll just just bear with me in Vietnam I think it 377 00:32:40.480 --> 00:32:47.200 was 15% and then later they thought it was 20% of of guys who went there tried heroin 378 00:32:48.560 --> 00:32:55.200 insane like that's an insane statistic and what was interesting about that is that when those 379 00:32:55.200 --> 00:33:03.040 Vietnamese now became veterans and came back 90% of them never did it again and the reverse 380 00:33:03.040 --> 00:33:11.280 statistic is true of like US-based addiction programs right 90% of people do heroin again after 381 00:33:11.280 --> 00:33:16.800 they leave the program so how can you have the most addictive substance right and you've got a 90% 382 00:33:16.800 --> 00:33:21.840 success rate in one incident and then you've got like a 90% failure in the other and this one 383 00:33:21.840 --> 00:33:27.040 wasn't even a program and this one was right and so what happens is people if you can if you can 384 00:33:27.040 --> 00:33:32.720 pull someone out of the environment entirely it's actually much easier to do because it's like you 385 00:33:32.720 --> 00:33:37.120 hang out with certain people and they reinforce those behaviors you you have cues in your 386 00:33:37.120 --> 00:33:41.440 environment that you've associated with which reinforce the behaviors and so like if you really 387 00:33:41.440 --> 00:33:44.960 went all in on something like this and and you could apply this to any type of behavior whether it 388 00:33:44.960 --> 00:33:49.680 was drugs or food or whatever is like honestly just changing everything about your life and then 389 00:33:49.680 --> 00:33:53.520 starting for scratch is like I'm making these big changes I'm burning the boats I'm being this 390 00:33:53.520 --> 00:33:59.120 person and I will make these choices as a result of this in accordance with that is sometimes the 391 00:33:59.120 --> 00:34:04.160 the best way to do it is like clean slate but that might sound like a lot of change and so you can 392 00:34:04.160 --> 00:34:09.680 also just not do any of that stuff and just eat less but it's just tackling the the big issue 393 00:34:09.680 --> 00:34:15.120 which is like why you don't care I'd say one of the the biggest things like you guys are saying where 394 00:34:15.120 --> 00:34:22.000 the what is it the discomfort of the environment is so bad that it forces change and the 395 00:34:22.000 --> 00:34:27.760 discomfort of going through it is easier I will say I mean I've I've had situations where 396 00:34:28.640 --> 00:34:35.200 going on a plane from a terrible experience right I mean you know just stuff like like my my wife 397 00:34:35.200 --> 00:34:41.040 probably wants to go pair sailing if we go on vacation I probably can't do that you know and it's 398 00:34:41.040 --> 00:34:46.400 just like I feel like there's a lot of like life that I'm missing out on and I've thought about it 399 00:34:46.400 --> 00:34:52.560 so deeply that I mean I've I've cried about it before yeah um but if apparently like it's not 400 00:34:52.560 --> 00:34:59.120 hard enough to to change me but I don't know if I need to hit rock bottom for like me to make a change 401 00:34:59.120 --> 00:35:02.640 that's great that's a great statement because it is a good statement of belief to say I don't need to 402 00:35:02.640 --> 00:35:05.920 hit rock bottom to make a change I agree with that I think that is a belief that serves you 403 00:35:06.720 --> 00:35:14.720 yeah and so I just I don't know how to just click it like I I really don't we just start that's 404 00:35:14.720 --> 00:35:18.480 all there's no like there's nothing complex about it you just start you go home you take away 405 00:35:18.480 --> 00:35:23.360 the stuff that you eat that's not good that's it at the end of the day you've got to be ready and we're 406 00:35:23.360 --> 00:35:29.360 not going to talk you into it right like if if if if you're not being able to live half of the 407 00:35:29.360 --> 00:35:35.360 life um is not sufficient then you got to find something that it is you know a good friend of mine 408 00:35:35.360 --> 00:35:41.200 ran a super marathon and it was like extremely difficult for him and he said I think on social 409 00:35:41.200 --> 00:35:45.600 media who's like I said a big bag of wise so he didn't just have one why he had to have a huge 410 00:35:45.600 --> 00:35:49.920 bag of just like you just pull out why after why after why after why to keep him going through this 411 00:35:49.920 --> 00:35:54.080 thing and so like maybe you don't need one why maybe you need a lot of wise you know maybe you don't 412 00:35:54.080 --> 00:35:59.200 have enough wise do you need enough wise I mean at the end of the day like this this change is yours 413 00:35:59.200 --> 00:36:04.960 you know you've got to make it and it's it's when it's when the reality of the condition is is real 414 00:36:04.960 --> 00:36:09.600 for you like it breaks my heart it really does I mean that like in the most sincere way my mother 415 00:36:09.600 --> 00:36:15.440 was super overweight my whole life and she just recently in the last two years she's now in her 416 00:36:15.440 --> 00:36:22.800 60s like my whole life super overweight like morbidly obese in the last two years and for me that might 417 00:36:22.800 --> 00:36:27.680 be my you know an easy wife for me is like I don't want to live that easy boom I don't need like 418 00:36:27.680 --> 00:36:33.680 not even a thought to me right but when her physician and mind you my mother is a physician 419 00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:40.320 so like crazy right it was only one her physician after trying you know she tried all these diets for 420 00:36:40.320 --> 00:36:45.360 whatever it was when she was like you're not going to see your grandkids like zero percent chance 421 00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:49.200 it's not gonna happen you're not gonna see him you're gonna die before that like there's no question 422 00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:54.160 and it was only in that moment that she decided to really do it and she always knew what to do 423 00:36:54.160 --> 00:36:59.040 eat less walk more like it's not like it's not rocket science right but for her that was enough 424 00:36:59.040 --> 00:37:02.720 that whenever she was confronted with decision because you have a hundred micro decisions that 425 00:37:02.720 --> 00:37:05.920 happen every day am I going to take the stairs I'm not going to take this I'm going to walk 426 00:37:05.920 --> 00:37:12.160 am I going to I'm going to grab this extra bag or not right or whatever it is and so I think it's 427 00:37:12.160 --> 00:37:16.160 like if you have that at the root you'll be able to make the change and then that will get you 428 00:37:16.160 --> 00:37:21.280 through the discomfort phase so that you can change your identity and I love this again I read this 429 00:37:21.280 --> 00:37:25.520 in the atomic house which is really good but if you look at identity it's the root of two words 430 00:37:25.520 --> 00:37:29.760 you've got entity there's the Latin version of it but basically being and then you've 431 00:37:29.760 --> 00:37:34.800 identified like identity call right which is repeated and so like identity is literally repeated 432 00:37:34.800 --> 00:37:39.600 being is what we repeatedly do is who we are and like when you describe somebody you're like he's 433 00:37:39.600 --> 00:37:43.840 that person who X Y and Z's right like that's there that's how we even describe identities what 434 00:37:43.840 --> 00:37:50.800 people do and so the nice thing is that you don't win the vote of identity all at once it's just 435 00:37:50.800 --> 00:37:56.640 one vote at a time and the beautiful thing is that you can just be like 51% just like a vote like 436 00:37:56.640 --> 00:38:00.080 if you just do a little more you win you don't have to be perfect you just have to do more 437 00:38:00.720 --> 00:38:05.280 then you do bad and if you do that for a long enough period of time like it will continue to 438 00:38:05.280 --> 00:38:10.320 reinforce itself and so a lot of people have a binary vision of like what quote perfect house style 439 00:38:10.320 --> 00:38:13.280 that looks like and that's silly and it's a farce and it'd be like trying to pretend like you're 440 00:38:13.280 --> 00:38:17.280 going to be a perfect human it's not going to happen right but like you could also read read 441 00:38:17.280 --> 00:38:21.920 define healthy is just somebody who like just doesn't bench you know what I mean or like just 442 00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:25.760 like you already know the stuff so like there's no point in getting the tactics of this because 443 00:38:25.760 --> 00:38:30.800 it's just behavior change and so I probably went too deep on that but it breaks my heart but it 444 00:38:30.800 --> 00:38:36.320 has to break your heart yeah I think for me okay so I yeah some people have different reasons for 445 00:38:36.320 --> 00:38:42.240 why they're not currently doing it right for me I have the knowledge right I researched into what 446 00:38:42.240 --> 00:38:48.160 I need to do blah blah blah I'm like in my head to be honest I'm ready to make the change but the 447 00:38:48.160 --> 00:38:54.320 one thing I think that is holding me back the more I think about it is the feeling of like I don't 448 00:38:54.320 --> 00:39:00.000 know how to describe it other than like imposter syndrome right like what really and maybe this 449 00:39:00.000 --> 00:39:06.160 is just stemming from like confidence issues what really makes me think that I can do this like 450 00:39:06.800 --> 00:39:12.640 and I think that that is what like is my biggest hurdle probably and I don't know how to overcome 451 00:39:12.640 --> 00:39:16.160 that here's something cool you don't need to be confident to do this because your calories don't 452 00:39:16.160 --> 00:39:21.120 care for confident yeah but for you no calories don't care if I'm confident or you're confident or 453 00:39:21.200 --> 00:39:26.000 anyone's confident calories don't care no I understand no I understand that but like I mean in my 454 00:39:26.000 --> 00:39:31.200 head I need to be like confident about it to follow that statement that's a statement of belief so 455 00:39:31.200 --> 00:39:36.400 you see why try singing to fail mm-hmm that's that but it's one of those things where you can't let 456 00:39:36.400 --> 00:39:40.720 the past burn you twice right which is like if you failed in the past if you project that failure 457 00:39:40.720 --> 00:39:45.040 into the present then that that past failure continues to repeat itself by you don't even try 458 00:39:45.040 --> 00:39:49.440 it's like if we're looking at a kid who's who's walking right and they fall we're not like 459 00:39:50.160 --> 00:39:54.320 I think it's just going to be a crawler you know like we don't say that right but like right now 460 00:39:54.320 --> 00:40:00.480 you're applying that same like you say so much worse things to yourself when it's like if you failed 461 00:40:00.480 --> 00:40:04.320 so what it's like it's a it's a it's a process you're going to learn to walk you'll learn to walk 462 00:40:04.320 --> 00:40:11.120 eventually as long as you don't stop that's true so basically what you're saying is if I'm not 463 00:40:11.120 --> 00:40:17.120 trying in fit like like if I even if I'm like trying and failing it basically it's better than 464 00:40:17.120 --> 00:40:21.920 just sitting here and being like well I'm not going to start because I'm going to fail and just like 465 00:40:21.920 --> 00:40:26.240 so well we say this when we say yes you're going to fail expect failure it's like starting a 466 00:40:26.240 --> 00:40:31.040 business of course you're going to fail that is part of the game but saying that you stop doing 467 00:40:31.040 --> 00:40:37.360 something versus failing are very two very different things if you eat a pizza one day right but 468 00:40:37.360 --> 00:40:43.920 then the other rest of the week you're fine did you fail no right so it's like we just need to 469 00:40:43.920 --> 00:40:48.960 read it like it's we just need to strip away the perfection and get to the like if I 470 00:40:48.960 --> 00:40:53.760 erectionally move in this way over a long enough period of time I will get there as long as I don't 471 00:40:53.760 --> 00:41:02.080 stop that was great yeah no I could point yeah you're everything that you're saying is it's great 472 00:41:02.080 --> 00:41:07.440 I mean it's for some reason it's just stuff that like I don't it's not sticky I don't I don't 473 00:41:07.440 --> 00:41:12.720 think about it I to be frank you'd have to pull this thread and I don't necessarily know that we 474 00:41:12.720 --> 00:41:17.200 have the time to do it on on this podcast but like you have to figure out why your your gut instinct 475 00:41:17.200 --> 00:41:22.800 was to say eating healthy was bad like that's basically like I've already make this boil this down 476 00:41:22.800 --> 00:41:27.040 into simple terms you're like I started eating healthy and I decided it was bad so it's 477 00:41:27.040 --> 00:41:33.120 figuring out why you you made that experience bad in your head and figuring out like because there's 478 00:41:33.120 --> 00:41:39.440 probably other things that eating does for you it probably relieves stress right so it's like great 479 00:41:39.440 --> 00:41:44.240 you have a and the nice thing is that there's lots of cues for stress in our lives so you have a 480 00:41:44.240 --> 00:41:48.160 number of cues that trigger the behavior so it's not just one it's like you can get stressed for 481 00:41:48.160 --> 00:41:52.720 resilient things and then have a really easy because like like habits are creative for like mental 482 00:41:52.720 --> 00:41:56.240 shortcuts so we don't have to make decisions and so it's like I feel stressed I can resolve this 483 00:41:56.240 --> 00:41:59.280 immediately with this thing I don't even think about it you're just starting to walk towards the 484 00:41:59.280 --> 00:42:03.920 fridge when you feel stressed right and so to break this like man we're gonna get way too to 485 00:42:04.080 --> 00:42:09.040 behavior stuff so I'll just I'll cut it at this which is you got to figure out why you're not 486 00:42:09.040 --> 00:42:14.400 why you didn't start yesterday and there's a reason that you have and you need to name the reason 487 00:42:14.400 --> 00:42:20.160 and it may be ridiculous but like some people are like it's just not convenient cool then make 488 00:42:20.160 --> 00:42:23.680 you convenient and then all of a sudden like it's sometimes it's the tiniest thing like I'll tell 489 00:42:23.680 --> 00:42:27.840 you this tiny example which is I try and put face cream on every night before I go to bed it's 490 00:42:27.840 --> 00:42:32.480 like one of the habits that I really was like I'm gonna try and do this right and when are the 491 00:42:32.480 --> 00:42:38.080 mates come says ridiculous when the mates come to clean our plays I have like my bedside setup 492 00:42:38.080 --> 00:42:42.240 and then they they take all my stuff that's like right next to me and then they like move it along 493 00:42:42.240 --> 00:42:47.840 the back line of the bedside table so like the cream's like over a box and like it's hard to reach 494 00:42:48.560 --> 00:42:53.840 and when I'm in bed I can't reach it and after that and I had to realize it because I was like 495 00:42:53.840 --> 00:42:57.760 I'd get on a good routine and then like two or three days in I would stop doing it and then I 496 00:42:57.760 --> 00:43:01.840 I realized the only reason I stopped doing it was because I didn't see the cream and if I did 497 00:43:01.840 --> 00:43:05.920 remember the cream it was like I would have to get out of bed to go grab it and then put it back 498 00:43:05.920 --> 00:43:11.840 and so I had to tell the mates leave them along the side and don't move them it's the tiny like 499 00:43:11.840 --> 00:43:15.760 these tiny things just like I had a visual cue and it made it more difficult so I removed the 500 00:43:15.760 --> 00:43:19.360 visual cue because it was further away and then it got harder rather than making it easier and 501 00:43:19.360 --> 00:43:25.440 making it obvious I think I have an answer for you actually okay so the only reason that I thought 502 00:43:25.520 --> 00:43:32.960 about food all the in my quote unquote toxic behavior is because I was hungry yeah this time 503 00:43:32.960 --> 00:43:38.960 still you're not you're not your board if you could eat a chicken breast like if like if you're like 504 00:43:38.960 --> 00:43:45.600 oh man I could go for a chicken breast you're hungry if you're like oh I could like go for a snack 505 00:43:45.600 --> 00:43:50.240 your board I don't know it felt like hunger but yeah of course you don't know the difference yeah 506 00:43:50.240 --> 00:43:52.880 I don't know the difference I don't know the difference you learn the difference when you're 507 00:43:52.880 --> 00:43:58.480 really hungry you're like chicken sounds great like an apple sounds delicious you know what I mean 508 00:43:58.480 --> 00:44:02.560 but like when you're when you're bored you're like I could go for some chips you know what I mean 509 00:44:02.560 --> 00:44:06.320 like if you could go for a chicken breast that's dry with no sauce that's when you're hungry 510 00:44:07.440 --> 00:44:12.480 I think I think you're a hundred percent you probably haven't you know I think about it 511 00:44:12.480 --> 00:44:17.840 guys I know this sounds so you're right it sounds stupid it sounds so stupid I think but like in 512 00:44:17.920 --> 00:44:24.560 my head right yeah until you said that I was convinced that I was hungry all the time but now 513 00:44:24.560 --> 00:44:30.240 that you said that I don't think I was hungry and I know that's I'm stupid you guys are like 514 00:44:30.240 --> 00:44:35.200 probably you guys are probably laughing every I swear to I swear to whatever you believe in 515 00:44:35.200 --> 00:44:41.440 I yeah oh yeah one of the times where I'm little snack it's you know the dead space where you 516 00:44:41.440 --> 00:44:46.240 would normally reach for your phone yeah it's like well I'm as well as you to quick snack now 517 00:44:46.320 --> 00:44:51.520 you haven't been hungry in years but you don't know what you're trying to say about that I'm saying 518 00:44:51.520 --> 00:44:56.240 that you've been overfeeding for a very long period of time and so yeah you're you're you have 519 00:44:56.240 --> 00:45:00.880 such a store plus that the end and and stores that your body can take from for a very long period of 520 00:45:00.880 --> 00:45:09.360 time yeah I agree with you I think I I just had like an epiphany I think I don't know this is 521 00:45:09.360 --> 00:45:17.520 so crazy I think I don't know the difference between being hungry and being bored bored I know 522 00:45:17.520 --> 00:45:22.080 that's I'm stupid no it's fun it should vary a few people know the difference just me and yeah 523 00:45:23.440 --> 00:45:28.160 don't know the difference then why don't you look like me ground what's up if you don't know the 524 00:45:28.160 --> 00:45:33.440 difference and why don't you look like me you're pretty physically active yeah I've been 525 00:45:33.440 --> 00:45:38.080 going to the gym quite a lot but I but I always caught my default is probably eating healthy but 526 00:45:38.080 --> 00:45:44.560 until I've started tracking calories I've realized that I've eaten more than I've expected but my 527 00:45:44.560 --> 00:45:50.480 default is still eat healthy eat small portions but without tracking it I eat more than I think I do 528 00:45:52.800 --> 00:45:57.280 I just want to thank you for your time I didn't mean to bring you on the podcast and my 529 00:45:57.280 --> 00:46:02.640 bombard you with my physical fuzzy questions or anything but I'm sure there are other people who 530 00:46:02.640 --> 00:46:06.640 are listening who are dearly you could replace this with alcohol you could replace this with you 531 00:46:06.880 --> 00:46:11.760 whatever it's the same thing my mind is just blown right now like I feel like now I feel like 532 00:46:11.760 --> 00:46:15.920 I could do it and I just want to just reinforce this one point which is just because you are hungry 533 00:46:15.920 --> 00:46:23.200 does not mean you need eat so you used being hungry as a justification for eating you can be hungry 534 00:46:23.200 --> 00:46:26.960 and not eat you can be horny and not have sex with somebody's not your wife so just because you have 535 00:46:26.960 --> 00:46:31.520 a feeling doesn't mean you need to take action on it right so first we had to delineate between the 536 00:46:31.520 --> 00:46:35.440 fact that most of the time you're bored and not actually hungry but even if you are hungry that doesn't 537 00:46:35.440 --> 00:46:40.880 give you permission to then go eat because if you diet you will be hungry actually 538 00:46:42.080 --> 00:46:45.360 and a chicken rest will sound good so it doesn't necessarily mean that you're permission to eat 539 00:46:45.360 --> 00:46:49.280 outside of what you think you need to hit for your for your calorie intake is it just like a mental 540 00:46:49.280 --> 00:46:53.360 thing at that point that like I you already know the calorie stuff there's no point in getting 541 00:46:53.360 --> 00:46:56.880 into that like you're like if you really want to do it you already know you Google it you know you 542 00:46:56.880 --> 00:46:59.840 need to eat less than you are right now and you would just do that signal is it just reminding 543 00:46:59.840 --> 00:47:04.960 yourself that like you you know how much you're supposed to eat and just saying I have enough to 544 00:47:04.960 --> 00:47:09.200 live it's just my body telling you you could you could right now literally drink water and take 545 00:47:09.200 --> 00:47:14.880 a multivitam for a year and there's no way I think I promise you they've already done studies on this 546 00:47:14.880 --> 00:47:18.720 you can absolutely I mean I'm not going to but that's fine yeah yeah but I'm saying like you have 547 00:47:18.720 --> 00:47:23.200 more than enough stores to last you for a very long time so like well the only thing you're doing 548 00:47:23.200 --> 00:47:27.440 to eat is just like you're just moving things through your system but like that's it they've 549 00:47:27.440 --> 00:47:31.440 done starvation studies and like your basement of all credit goes down but not by I mean it goes 550 00:47:31.440 --> 00:47:36.800 down by 30 percent which is something but it's not massive and you're still going to have a high 551 00:47:36.800 --> 00:47:42.400 bismetabolic rate overall because you have more of you to feed and maintain like fat takes calories 552 00:47:42.400 --> 00:47:47.600 to keep alive like you have that on you but it still requires blood and nutrients to stay alive 553 00:47:48.160 --> 00:47:54.960 right to like not you know become dead tissue so like in a lot of ways it's easiest to lose weight 554 00:47:54.960 --> 00:47:59.760 when you are bigger so you can keep saying that as you're as you're referring it's like I am bigger 555 00:47:59.840 --> 00:48:03.920 which means it should be easier for me to lose weight because it is yeah I don't want to 556 00:48:03.920 --> 00:48:07.440 look at it on this you're good too long because I think we've gone long enough 557 00:48:07.440 --> 00:48:13.600 you're sure I I seriously I welcome our thank you I you bet I'm today the day Alex 558 00:48:14.560 --> 00:48:22.240 I I think so but I think yes or no yes it is he kind of scared me with he kind of scared me with 559 00:48:22.240 --> 00:48:27.920 the like you're going to be the real hungry and I'm just like oh but you know what I'm I think I've 560 00:48:27.920 --> 00:48:33.120 just been eating his unbored and I I know people are going to think this is stupid like Alex of course 561 00:48:33.120 --> 00:48:38.400 you're eating when you're bored but to me I'm telling you guys like I truly felt hungry like in my 562 00:48:38.400 --> 00:48:43.760 head that was hunger and I thinking back I don't think that was yeah I don't distract yourself and 563 00:48:43.760 --> 00:48:51.840 that was kind of stupid so yeah you shouldn't be bored at work yeah that's the real issue but we'll 564 00:48:51.840 --> 00:49:02.080 talk about that after the podcast okay thank you it's a blast to have you on man I appreciate it 565 00:49:02.080 --> 00:49:06.160 I was really looking forward to this yeah yeah even even going out to dinner last night 566 00:49:06.960 --> 00:49:14.000 and I like I genuinely enjoy hanging out but it's it's listening to you talk it's I learned so much 567 00:49:14.640 --> 00:49:20.400 and more than just like like just like a friendship but also just the fact that like I feel like 568 00:49:20.960 --> 00:49:28.800 I am like the the student of so many things and like just being exposed to different thoughts and 569 00:49:28.800 --> 00:49:36.080 a different way of thinking and a different structure is very few podcasts afterwards do I just 570 00:49:36.080 --> 00:49:40.960 like just want to be alone and this is always one of them because I had so much to think about 571 00:49:41.680 --> 00:49:47.040 after we after we end this I appreciate it and thank you guys for having me on I think it's 572 00:49:47.120 --> 00:49:52.000 chunking down and chunking up in terms of like thought process which is like why are we doing this 573 00:49:52.000 --> 00:49:57.120 and I think that's just been the the core of it it's just like why am I bothering to do this why 574 00:49:57.120 --> 00:50:03.280 does this matter and so you know it does go back to my world view it is the the seed that kind of like 575 00:50:03.280 --> 00:50:07.120 has born all the fruit of the other things that I have it's just like why am I choosing to like 576 00:50:07.120 --> 00:50:12.800 because it is an active choice and and so you know I'm glad that the the thoughts that I've had 577 00:50:12.800 --> 00:50:18.000 have been at least thought provoking because they they took me a long period of time to figure out 578 00:50:18.000 --> 00:50:22.480 on my own and I think they're no they can be unique to different people but for me that this set of 579 00:50:22.480 --> 00:50:29.680 beliefs has served me well yeah and so I continue to believe them thank you for coming on and 580 00:50:29.680 --> 00:50:40.640 appreciate it thank you guys