WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.800
to understand is to forgive. You can't understand and be angry at the same time, it's actually really

2
00:00:04.800 --> 00:00:10.160
difficult. The moment you really truly understand where someone is coming from and see their

3
00:00:10.160 --> 00:00:16.880
perspective truly, it's really difficult to be angry. The wealthiest people in the world see

4
00:00:16.880 --> 00:00:20.720
business as a game. This podcast, the game, is my attempt at documenting the lessons I've learned

5
00:00:20.720 --> 00:00:24.720
on my way to building acquisition.com into a billion dollar portfolio. My hope is that you use the

6
00:00:24.720 --> 00:00:27.680
lessons to grow your business and maybe someday soon partner with us to get to a hundred million

7
00:00:27.680 --> 00:00:33.520
dollars and beyond. I hope you share and enjoy. I was going to originally call this

8
00:00:33.520 --> 00:00:39.120
how to deal with shit, but instead I'm going with no pain, no gain. And so I wanted to outline

9
00:00:39.120 --> 00:00:44.480
two of the strategies that I think have helped me become more resilient in the face of like

10
00:00:44.480 --> 00:00:48.560
mental strife. And I think that as we continue to grow in entrepreneurship and the size of our

11
00:00:48.560 --> 00:00:56.720
country needs grow and impact, et cetera, like having strong processes, mental processes in place

12
00:00:56.880 --> 00:01:01.600
in order to safeguard yourself become more and more important. And so one of the ones that I wanted

13
00:01:01.600 --> 00:01:07.520
to bring up is around anger. And so I think whenever anything bad happens, right, there's

14
00:01:07.520 --> 00:01:12.800
typically one of two responses. Either you become angry or you become sad, right? Sometimes they

15
00:01:12.800 --> 00:01:16.480
happen in different order, you know, like some people never get sad, some people never get angry,

16
00:01:16.480 --> 00:01:21.520
some people get both, you know, it's just kind of it's a mix. I can really only speak to the

17
00:01:21.600 --> 00:01:27.360
anger side because I'm just not, I'm not like a sad, like I just don't go that way. Like when

18
00:01:27.360 --> 00:01:32.320
something bad happens, because immediately, even if I have a feeling of sadness, I get angry with

19
00:01:32.320 --> 00:01:36.080
myself for feeling that way, for feeling weak and not taking control. And then I get angry,

20
00:01:36.080 --> 00:01:40.480
you know what I mean? So it's almost immediate. But then what happens is what do you do with that

21
00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:45.040
anger? And so for I dive into that, I start to say, like, why do we get angry, right? We get angry

22
00:01:45.040 --> 00:01:50.160
because typically we feel wrong, right? And so that immediately comes from a place of elevation,

23
00:01:50.160 --> 00:01:54.240
like you feel like you were above something, how dare someone do something to you. And it's

24
00:01:54.240 --> 00:01:59.280
typically someone who you brought into your circle, who then betrays you in a certain way,

25
00:01:59.280 --> 00:02:03.120
whatever that be. Now, in a business context, there's there's lots of different types of betrayal

26
00:02:03.120 --> 00:02:07.520
and relationships. There's lots of different types of betrayal. But usually it's just you feel wrong,

27
00:02:07.520 --> 00:02:12.000
right? It's it's typically when a promise is made or an unspoken promise is made and then it is

28
00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:17.920
broken, right? And then that is where you feel like justice is warranted, right? And so since you

29
00:02:17.920 --> 00:02:22.720
don't see that person suffering for the feeling that you have, you want to make them suffer,

30
00:02:22.720 --> 00:02:26.560
right? And that's kind of where the anger comes from, at least to my understanding. So

31
00:02:27.280 --> 00:02:31.440
how do you deal with this, right? Because the bigger you get, the more times we were going to break

32
00:02:31.440 --> 00:02:36.640
things or break what you perceive to be relationships and do things that are wrong, like the amount

33
00:02:36.640 --> 00:02:40.000
of times we, I mean, just I wish I could give you a laundry list of all the things that have

34
00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:45.440
happened, you know what I mean? To give context, but like, and the partnership stealing money,

35
00:02:45.520 --> 00:02:48.880
like, I mean, like, like literally, you know, like employees going behind your back,

36
00:02:48.880 --> 00:02:51.760
trying to tell people to refund against you and that they're going to do something for like

37
00:02:51.760 --> 00:02:57.120
everything you can possibly imagine, right? You know, it's just everything you can imagine.

38
00:02:57.120 --> 00:03:01.200
It has happened, right? And I think that in order to continue to grow, you need to have really

39
00:03:01.200 --> 00:03:06.080
strong processes in place in order to process these things where they will destroy you, right? They'll

40
00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:11.200
destroy you. And so there's two cornerstone stories that shaped my life that I wanted to share

41
00:03:11.200 --> 00:03:14.400
with you. So the first one is from when I was in high school, when I was in ninth grade,

42
00:03:14.400 --> 00:03:18.000
at a teacher named Steve Givens, he's the one who stayed with me after school, a lot of the

43
00:03:18.000 --> 00:03:22.960
after school donations stuff that we do is is a big part because of that. But he worked out with me

44
00:03:22.960 --> 00:03:28.400
after school every day. And so when I was in ninth grade, I remember I was such an angry kid,

45
00:03:28.400 --> 00:03:31.280
but I think a lot of people, you know, I mean, ninth grade, like you're confused, you're

46
00:03:31.280 --> 00:03:36.640
kid, whatever. But I was, I was a pretty angry kid. And he, I was like, man, I can't wait to come

47
00:03:36.640 --> 00:03:41.440
back at the high school reunion. I'm going to show everyone, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah. And

48
00:03:41.520 --> 00:03:46.800
he was like, that doesn't, that doesn't actually work in reality. And I was like, what do you mean

49
00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:50.400
it isn't where I was like, I'm going to show them. And he was like, if you actually come back 10 years

50
00:03:50.400 --> 00:03:55.760
from now and you go up to somebody who's like, but to and you tell them that like, look at you now,

51
00:03:55.760 --> 00:03:58.960
he's like, you're going to look like an idiot because they're going to know that you've been thinking

52
00:03:58.960 --> 00:04:03.440
about them this whole time or they didn't even think about you. Like they forgot you existed. He's

53
00:04:03.440 --> 00:04:07.200
like, so there's, you can't do that because then you actually have already lost. And I was like,

54
00:04:07.200 --> 00:04:10.320
shit, like, what do I, like, how do I, you know, I mean, how do I get this out? You know, I mean,

55
00:04:10.320 --> 00:04:15.840
I'll get this, this, this rage out. What do I do? Right. And so you let me with a statement that

56
00:04:15.840 --> 00:04:21.600
whenever I get really angry about something I turn to, which is success is the only revenge.

57
00:04:22.400 --> 00:04:26.800
And so that's been something that's always cycled in my head whenever I get really upset about

58
00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:32.480
something like really angry where I feel like someone wronged me. It's success is the only revenge

59
00:04:32.480 --> 00:04:36.640
because it's the only thing you can do. If you think about it, there's nothing else you can do.

60
00:04:37.520 --> 00:04:41.280
You can't go hurt people. That's not going to serve you. You're going to get hurt in the long run.

61
00:04:41.280 --> 00:04:45.840
Right. There's a lot of people who've said this statement, but I like it a lot, which is like

62
00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:52.400
being angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Right. And so all it is,

63
00:04:52.400 --> 00:04:57.040
you just brood and get angry and you become less effective. Right. And so then, and then sometimes

64
00:04:57.040 --> 00:05:00.320
it starts turning towards yourself. You start becoming self-destructive instead of just throwing

65
00:05:00.320 --> 00:05:02.800
the other person. And then it's like, then they win even more. And then it makes you more angry.

66
00:05:02.880 --> 00:05:07.520
You know what I mean? So it's a cycle. And so the only way that I've been able to break that is by

67
00:05:07.520 --> 00:05:11.440
understanding and continually repeating that, which is like success is the only revenge, which then

68
00:05:11.440 --> 00:05:15.840
allows you to sublimate, just taking a negative emotion and getting a positive, a positive outcome

69
00:05:15.840 --> 00:05:20.400
from it. And so I learned about that with that is sublimation. It's like when you were upset,

70
00:05:20.400 --> 00:05:23.840
go for a run and then all of a sudden something that was negative in your life becomes a benefit

71
00:05:23.840 --> 00:05:29.680
because of positive. Right. And so for me, and it obviously depends on the level of the grievance

72
00:05:29.760 --> 00:05:33.600
that you're going through, how much anger you have and how much you need to expend in order to kind

73
00:05:33.600 --> 00:05:39.200
of come back to baseline. Right. Is with the initial burst of rage, and I think I would describe it

74
00:05:39.200 --> 00:05:45.600
more as rage, or at least that's how I I experience it. Just like, you know what I mean. But for me,

75
00:05:45.600 --> 00:05:50.080
it's the only way that I've been able to get around that stuff. And the thing is is the longer in the

76
00:05:50.080 --> 00:05:54.960
game, the more things like this will happen, just because you're exposed to it by the nature of time.

77
00:05:54.960 --> 00:06:00.320
Right. You're going to be wrong for more times. The bigger you are and the longer you stay in.

78
00:06:00.320 --> 00:06:04.800
Right. The more beat up you are in the arena. And so the only way you can stay in is to keep

79
00:06:04.800 --> 00:06:09.680
yourself in is to keep your head straight. And so success is the only revenge. And so channel

80
00:06:09.680 --> 00:06:13.600
everything into that into the thing that's going to be the only revenge you have, which is continuing

81
00:06:13.600 --> 00:06:19.760
to succeed. And yeah, that's it. So that's that's like cornerstone story number one that has

82
00:06:19.760 --> 00:06:24.400
has helped me deal with anger. And that's in the immediate to how to diffuse it in the moment

83
00:06:24.400 --> 00:06:30.160
when you want to go and write some nasty Facebook poster, do some really mean live or blah blah blah.

84
00:06:30.160 --> 00:06:33.280
Whatever it is, right. Whenever you have that feeling and you type it up, you're like, I shouldn't

85
00:06:33.280 --> 00:06:39.120
send this like you probably should. Right. And just remembering that is like being ingrained in my

86
00:06:39.120 --> 00:06:42.880
mind. And maybe it's because it was such a young age that I heard it. But it was like, I was so angry

87
00:06:42.880 --> 00:06:47.040
at that time. And then that's when I started lifting harder. You know what I mean? It's just she's

88
00:06:47.040 --> 00:06:50.800
like taking it out on the weight band. He and like, and so he helped me push that in the right

89
00:06:50.800 --> 00:06:54.720
direction. But I'm always grateful for it. And obviously as you get older, sometimes like you can

90
00:06:54.720 --> 00:06:59.520
push it into the way I am going to go workout. But sometimes there's still some leftover, you know.

91
00:06:59.520 --> 00:07:04.000
And so what do you do with that? And so when you have the leftover anger or the anger after the

92
00:07:04.000 --> 00:07:07.440
dust settles, you're still enraged about something, right? What do you do?

93
00:07:09.600 --> 00:07:14.160
Real quick guys, you guys already know that I don't run any ads on this and I don't sell anything.

94
00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:17.520
And so the only ask that I can ever have are you guys that you help me spread the words we

95
00:07:17.520 --> 00:07:21.920
can out more entrepreneurs, make more money, feed their families, make better products and have

96
00:07:21.920 --> 00:07:26.400
better experiences for their employees and customers. And the only way we do that is if you can

97
00:07:26.400 --> 00:07:30.960
rate and review and share this podcast. So the single thing that I have to do is you can just leave

98
00:07:30.960 --> 00:07:35.200
a review, but take 10 seconds or one type of the thumb. It means the absolute will to me. And more

99
00:07:35.200 --> 00:07:41.760
importantly, it may change the world for someone else. So for me, obviously we've been

100
00:07:41.920 --> 00:07:48.400
more times than once in your life. And so a deep ranger was towards parent ahead. And so I still have

101
00:07:48.960 --> 00:07:54.320
and the way that I dealt with that was I actually had a paper that I had to write in college,

102
00:07:54.320 --> 00:07:59.920
and it was on mental disorders. And so we had to pick someone we knew actually,

103
00:07:59.920 --> 00:08:03.760
and then and then look at what potential disorders they might have. It was a weird kind of paper,

104
00:08:03.760 --> 00:08:08.080
but it was interesting likeology or something like that. So anyways, I took it and you had to look

105
00:08:08.800 --> 00:08:12.160
at all of the person because you have to look at psychology in terms of how people develop it.

106
00:08:12.160 --> 00:08:15.120
You know, I mean, like, you know, where were they at each of these developmental stages,

107
00:08:15.120 --> 00:08:18.080
what things are they going through based on what you have, you can interview them asking more

108
00:08:18.080 --> 00:08:22.960
questions that you get more insight. And then you write a paper, you know, about that person and

109
00:08:22.960 --> 00:08:28.320
what factors may have potentially created who they are, their identity, their personality,

110
00:08:28.320 --> 00:08:36.160
their values, right, all that stuff. And once I wrote this, a person that I was extremely upset

111
00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:41.760
with was what I wrote it about. And by the end of finishing a paper, I was no longer upset with them

112
00:08:41.760 --> 00:08:48.240
because I understood them and I understood why. And so the second kind of big quote, so the first

113
00:08:48.240 --> 00:08:53.840
one is success is the only revenge. I think the second quote is to understand is to forgive.

114
00:08:54.480 --> 00:09:00.320
You can't understand and be angry at the same time. It's actually really difficult. And so the

115
00:09:00.320 --> 00:09:06.000
moment you really truly understand someone or truly understand where someone is coming from,

116
00:09:06.000 --> 00:09:10.640
and see their perspective truly, not just say like, I get where you're like, I get your side,

117
00:09:10.640 --> 00:09:16.640
but not like what they're saying, but what experiences they went through to create the value system

118
00:09:16.640 --> 00:09:22.720
that creates that worldview, like through deep understanding. Once you shove that, it's really

119
00:09:22.720 --> 00:09:29.600
difficult to be angry. And so I think in like the 9-1-1 urgency moment, you have to like channel it

120
00:09:29.600 --> 00:09:33.040
into something that's going to sublimate, something that's going to be a positive benefit to you

121
00:09:33.680 --> 00:09:37.520
from the initial rage, right? And then after that, after you have your, you know, your big

122
00:09:37.520 --> 00:09:44.080
adrenaline rush or whatever and it's gone, then you have to look at like, okay, what experiences

123
00:09:44.080 --> 00:09:50.080
do this person go through? What upbringing? What, what things have happened? What things have

124
00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:54.080
happened recently? What things have happened? Long-term, that might have created an environment

125
00:09:54.080 --> 00:09:59.680
inside of this person where they would think this was okay, right? And so a lot of times thinking

126
00:09:59.760 --> 00:10:04.240
about it, like, and like really get in there. And so I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say that. So

127
00:10:05.120 --> 00:10:12.160
I was heartbroken once in my life, not by a girl, but by my best friend. And what I mean by that

128
00:10:12.160 --> 00:10:17.760
was I had dated a girl for two years and then I had split up with her and it was a hard split

129
00:10:17.760 --> 00:10:21.200
up for me. I mean, I was the one who initiated that, but like, it's stuff, you know, like,

130
00:10:21.200 --> 00:10:25.840
you pick up anyone and still it's a hard career of your life. And so I leaned on my friend,

131
00:10:25.840 --> 00:10:29.760
right? And then he was kind of nowhere to be seen. And I was like, I don't really get this. And

132
00:10:30.960 --> 00:10:36.720
a year later, I found out that basically the moment that I'd split up, he had started dating her

133
00:10:36.720 --> 00:10:41.600
in secret for a whole year and then they told me and they kept it private from everyone,

134
00:10:41.600 --> 00:10:46.160
the entire school. They only met in secret. It was like this really super dodgy thing to show

135
00:10:46.160 --> 00:10:50.800
you kind of like how fucked up it was. But anyways, the moment I found out about that,

136
00:10:50.800 --> 00:10:55.760
it was like pure rage. You know what I mean? That that like, the how dare they do, they like,

137
00:10:55.760 --> 00:11:00.400
keep this from me and be, you know, do this in secret like so deceptive and blah, blah, you

138
00:11:00.400 --> 00:11:05.280
know what I mean? Like just rage that I was experiencing. But I knew that as soon as it happened

139
00:11:05.280 --> 00:11:08.960
that I was going to be able to grow a lot from it. And so the way that I was able to get over that

140
00:11:08.960 --> 00:11:18.000
rage, right? And not do something really stupid was I wrote a story, their love story from his

141
00:11:18.000 --> 00:11:25.360
perspective. And so I wrote this to try and understand like, how would, if I were him,

142
00:11:25.920 --> 00:11:30.960
how would I explain this? How would I tell this story of him? She were like, oh my god,

143
00:11:30.960 --> 00:11:37.360
how'd you meet? Right? How would he see this experience through his own lens that would allow him

144
00:11:37.360 --> 00:11:42.000
to be okay with making that action in secret despite us being friends and all this kind of stuff?

145
00:11:42.960 --> 00:11:48.560
And then once I went through that whole thing, I understood and then I was no longer angry.

146
00:11:48.560 --> 00:11:52.880
I'm not saying that I thought it was right, but the emotion that was associated with it

147
00:11:53.600 --> 00:11:57.600
diffused. And then I was able to continue to function and then go back to the primary,

148
00:11:57.600 --> 00:12:04.560
which is success as the only revenge. And so that's been kind of the one, two pillars of dealing with

149
00:12:04.560 --> 00:12:10.720
like massive emotional issues in short periods of time because you have to have those tools,

150
00:12:10.720 --> 00:12:14.400
you know what I mean in your arsenal, that kind of armor because like the higher up you go,

151
00:12:14.400 --> 00:12:18.240
the harder it gets. It doesn't get easier. It gets heavier and thicker. You know what I mean?

152
00:12:18.240 --> 00:12:22.480
And the attacks get more direct and more personal and more whatever, right? That's why I like,

153
00:12:22.480 --> 00:12:26.800
something I have no idea why people want to get into politics. Like maybe sometime, like I have no,

154
00:12:26.800 --> 00:12:31.440
I have no clue how they go into it and just like, or like, this is worth it. I think that's really

155
00:12:31.440 --> 00:12:34.720
this like, I don't know how they're like, this is the trade off. I'm gonna get destroyed publicly.

156
00:12:34.720 --> 00:12:37.760
And everyone's gonna hate you for the rest of my life. Half the universe is gonna hate me for the rest of my life.

157
00:12:37.760 --> 00:12:43.440
That's rough, you know? But anyways, those are two of the cornerstone stories of my life that have

158
00:12:43.440 --> 00:12:49.120
dramatically shaped how I deal with very stressful things that happen. And I hope that helps you

159
00:12:49.120 --> 00:12:55.120
if you ever have to deal with stressful things or things that anger you. I don't have one for

160
00:12:55.120 --> 00:12:59.840
being sad because I, it's down, it's not, I was not super real for me right now. Maybe if I get

161
00:12:59.840 --> 00:13:03.760
really sad in the future about something, I'll let you know how I do it. But right now whenever I get

162
00:13:03.760 --> 00:13:13.920
sad, I get angry about the fact that I'm sad, and I get right back to hate.