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would rather have died than let him be right. I could not accept an existence where I would have to

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come back with my tail between my legs and then if I had not succeeded there I would have basically

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had to become a slave for the rest of my life. The wealthiest people in the world see business

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as a game. This podcast, the game, is my attempt at documenting the lessons I've learned on my

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way to building acquisition.com into a billion dollar portfolio. I hope that you use the lessons

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to grow your business and maybe someday soon partner with us to get to a hundred million dollars

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and beyond. I hope you share and enjoy. I want to talk to you about another very important topic. I

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think we're probably very much in agreement and if I could gather every young person in the room

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and I only had one message this might be the message and I'm gonna tee you up and actually the

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data bears it out. Harvard, of course everybody knows Harvard. They've got the longest study ever done

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on relationships. They follow people from birth to death. People are still in the study in the

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life of course and one of the professors who was leading the study said this that the study

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proved to them with data that is indisputable that 95% of our success or failure in life Alex

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is directly related to the people we spend the most time with and of course you know Jim

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Ron legendary motivational speaker said you know the people you've spend five people spend the

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so that's anecdotal as well but the reality is when you think about failure in every area of our

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life relationally physically emotionally mentally spiritually professionally I mean this is so so

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true and yet I feel like we walk around like zombies you know just doing our thing hanging with

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the people we hang with and we don't take critical inventory of the people we spend the most time

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thoughts on friends in your life people around you how guarded are you and I don't mean like from

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a privacy standpoint but I mean with your time no so I am and maybe it's because I'm still young

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but I am pretty ruthless when it comes to the people that I have in my life and I tend to have a

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relatively contrary and view on relationships which is that I do believe that all relationships are

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transactional it sounds hard to say but if you never got anything positive at some point most

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humans will cease to continue the relationship and so if we think about human behavior in terms of

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reinforcers and punishers because those are the only two things sticks and carrots right the people

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that we've had a longer period of time with we are willing to wait a longer period of time before

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we are reinforced to continue to spend time with them so we will wait longer periods of time before

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we get another carrot which then kicks it out again right for the next carrot to come and so for

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me when I look at the relationships that I have I try to cut off the backside which is I don't want

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to make keep a relationship because I have always had it I don't want to give value to something

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because it has existed but only insofar as it will continue at value and more so that it is aligned

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with where I want to go right and so if I feel at least as I see them the people or actions we take

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are either going to get us closer or further from our goals that is all and so I want to stack the

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deck in my favor with the most amount of people who help me get the furthest or closest to my goals

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compared to other things and so oftentimes at least in my experience the higher up I've gone on at

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least the material ladder of success the fewer people can hang and it's because of maybe their

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skills their character traits their beliefs if I feel like I am overwhelmingly giving in the

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relationship and there are there's really not much that comes back over an extended period of time

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my time to cut the relationship has just decreased over time and a lot of this I think I I read

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some states of older people because I like studying elderly a lot because I think that they have

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some perspective yes the gen Z I feel like y'all should y'all should listen to old people they really

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yeah but if you see a happiness curve on subjective well-being it's actually like a smiley face

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so people are happiest when they're like 10 years old and then they go slow and steady down where

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the the value of despair is like 45 to 55 and then they start to come up the other side once they

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get into elderly and retirement age and one of the biggest things that they attributed to is that

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the things that relationships and circumstances that people used to deal with or suffer through

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they would say they literally didn't have time for that they're like I only have 10 years left

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I don't have time for Susie she's she's negative she's always talking smack behind my back rather than

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keep this relationship I just make more time for the people who don't and I think that if I am going

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to be that way eventually I might as well enjoy the benefits of making those types of decisions now

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despite it not being invoked yeah well I think that's absolutely right and that's incredible

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let me ask you this how would you define a person who would be called a friend of Alex what do they

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need what's that transaction need to look like between you and them yeah a high ratio of positive

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exchange per unit of time so fancy for they need to lift you when you're around them that's

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suck the life out of you her the amount of time that so like if I have a relationship that I only

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you know we text once a quarter and it's always something cool or something interesting very low

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time investment but low low positive back but still positive right so I think it's just the ratio

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of I mean this is what you put in versus what you get out so a friend would be somebody who has a

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high ratio of what I put in versus what I get out exactly but but I mean in what would you say

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your circle of close friends is right now what would she what's the number how many how many people

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if I'm hanging out with you and I and I'm around you 30 days and I go okay he's got three close

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friends he's got five seven 10 what is it three yeah that's that's what the data shows let me ask you

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this how many of those three close friends go way back more than 10 years that's what I thought

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my wife said if that counts no she's your wife we can't yeah yeah two okay okay two

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and do you think that that is healthy would you like it to be more is it just perfect

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I don't ascribe a label to it good it just is what it is it's the rhythm you're in in the pace

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you're running I enjoy the life that I have and if I had no friends that I enjoyed the

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left that I have that I I would be fine with that and if I had 20 friends I would enjoy the left

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that I had so I think a lot of I think a lot of mental to rest comes from ascribing a positive it's

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like the weather like is too is too rainy and is five sunny or is it just they just are that way

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and this might also be a season of my life that I'm in a little bit more of a building season and I

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might not have as much extra curricular time that I can allocate towards friendship so maybe my

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ratio for friends is higher now that it might be in the future I don't know I suspect it'll raise

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honestly but and I just wanted to add one caveat to the friend real friend comment I believe just

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like capitalism where both people you know one person buys and the other person gives a product

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and both people say thank you that in an exchange with a friend is my hope that both of us are

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better off it's not just like Alex taking because then they would they would be justified in saying

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that they should I would say you shouldn't be friends with me if I'm only taking from you and so

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the hope is that at least with the relationships that I have that I frequent most often that the

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exchange makes both of us better yeah I want to go let's go deeper on this because I get this

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call a lot on the show sounds a little bit like this and it's fun I'm gonna tee you up for what

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it call would be for me and instead of me telling you what I say I want to know what you say all right

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so it goes like this Alex I've got some tension with family members and I know what I want to do

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I know why I want to do it but they're not very supportive and it's killing me because because it

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matters a lot to me and I'm torn my heart to do what I believe I'm supposed to do but then my

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heart for my family it's an open-ended and of course I dig in where do you go with that question

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so let's say first we have to define some terms so the first one is at least for me is that

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love is defined as what you're willing to give up to maintain something

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as I define it and so for example if you have a project car if you've ever worked on a car or

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something that's a long time it's like man he must love that thing because he works on it forever

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and doesn't do anything like I'm willing to incur lots of costs before a carat because I love

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something I'm willing to sacrifice a lot in order to keep it so I think the question for the person

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would be which are you willing to sacrifice are you willing to sacrifice your dreams are you

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willing to sacrifice a certain amount of influence that your family has over them and so I think that

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if we can divorce like you can still have people you can still have a relationship with people

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but they don't necessarily need to be the majority of your time and so if you have people who

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I like fast forwarding because I'm a big frame guy so it's like if we're 85 years from now

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and all the people that we're in your family are older than you are now dead because they will be

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and you have not realized the dreams or even attempted to because of the fear of their judgment

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how would you feel okay scenario one scenario two you do pursue those dreams and you don't have

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the family at the end of your life but you did accomplish them which one do you feel better with

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now there is a third path which is you start pursuing the dream and then they change their opinions

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and catch up with you which is the vast majority of the time that's correct because we'll be real

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materialism is a real thing status is a real thing if you kill it they will want to they will

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want you in their group that's right it's just that oftentimes it's the crab the crab in the bucket

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scenario where one crab wants to get away and the fact that they're trying to that you're trying

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to spin out of the circle of mediocrity that they are in you make them feel bad about themselves

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and so that bad feeling they project back onto you and it has nothing to do with you yeah there's

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everything to do with them and so for me I'm just I am I'm ruthless in terms of what I am willing

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to sacrifice for my goals because I do at least in my opinion in my worldview if I provide enough

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value I will always have access to those people if I desire it I agree I couldn't agree more because

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I think what happens is is if we if we choose temporary disappointment of the family member over

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a long-term resentment then I think what's going to happen is they're going to say all right I'm

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disappointed but I'm happy for you and just like the crab we pull them and we've got to choose that

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the gravitational pull that we can have on our loved ones yeah I want you to yeah go for it yeah

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and I think you said it way better than I did by the way um when I when I so I did everything that

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my dad was you know told me to do so I finished Vanderbilt in three years uh you know with all the

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all the honors and all the stuff and president of the uh with a fraternity I was vice president

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of the powerlifting club like I did you know I did all the things right and then I got the swing

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he consulting job uh right out of college for for two years and I remember uh thinking like

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is this it you know because I was 21 at this point I graduated college I had the good job I had

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my own condo that I had bought because I'd saved the money and I was looking out over the the

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high rises and I was like is it just more of this is this is this it and I knew that I was not

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satisfied with the job that I wanted I knew that I wanted to start a business and every time that

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I'd gone to tell my dad that that's what I wanted to do he would end up talking me off the ledge

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and saying now you know we'll go to business school and then you'll go you'll go you know back to

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the management or you can go to investment banking if you want to do that and then and then after

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that you'll save some money and then then you can start a business right and it got to the point

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where I was so incredibly depressed that I wanted to not wake up every day so I would go to bed hoping

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that I wouldn't wake up and for me many of the biggest decisions my life have come down to life

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or death and I say that only as a decision making filter not that you know I was at this crossroads

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but death for whatever reason is very motivating for me and so the the conclusion that I had to come to

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for me to make this move despite my father who had a tremendous amount of influence over me um especially

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at a younger age was I can either die to him or I can die to me wow and so I knew that by leaving

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this path and quitting and then starting a gym which is kind of like the electrician job that's right

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yeah especially in the Middle Eastern world where you can be a doctor or an accountant you

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know I mean me being in business was already like kind of I was pre-med originally you know I mean

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I just convinced I hated medicine I noticed I had to have his life um because his plan for me was

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I was going to take over his practice I was the whole deal and it made sense on paper the guy

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makes a million bucks a year yeah and uh you know he's like you could inherit it when you're 29

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making million dollars a year he's like why would you not like and I get the argument yeah but I

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would have been dead inside the entire time and I would have been a prison for my whole life and so

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when I did make that move and this is for everybody who's looking for the happy ending

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it did make a huge fissure you know our huge gap in our relationships and 40 years

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we didn't we barely we barely spoke and it was only after not only that I had made more money

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and then made more money than he'd ever made was did the did the dynamic shift to one where he

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respected what I had done and it took probably almost a decade you know I mean for that to actually

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happen and so I will say that if you are going through this and you feel dead to yourself in the

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current existence and the current path it will not get better you will only have put more time in

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burning at you know burning time of your own life that is limited that's right to fill someone

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else's dream and it was his dream of what he wanted for my life as it reflected on him as a parent

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oh yeah and I get where he was coming from so it's like you can understand why they have this

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this belief and then yet also disagree with it and act in according to your belief and so that

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it's just I it's very real for me because I went through that it was very very very hard for me

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it was probably the hardest it was the hardest decision of my life was disobeying my father because

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it was like disobeying it wasn't just like sure it was I was being disobedient and then doing this

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on my own and I I to show how much influence my dad had over me I only called him to tell him I was

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doing this when I was six dates away I started driving I was in a Ohio or something and I called him

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to tell him that I had gone and he said hey just come back for lunch we'll talk it over because

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it was always the same thing you know Alexander because that's what he calls me Alexander's

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having one of his little fits about life you know he'll come back I'll talk him out of it I was like

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I'm going he's like and then then the flip switch then it was like wow you got to be so crazy you're

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always so extreme you always have to you know all these things and it stayed like that for a while

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but like at that point then that was where the fear came from where the fear of him being right

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and then that was the big driver for a very long time was that even when things were so hard for

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me in the very because they were very difficult for me in the beginning I just I would rather have

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died than let him be right I could not I could not accept an existence where I would have to come back

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with my tail between my legs because what would have happened is if I had not succeeded there

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I would have basically had to become a slave for the rest of my life at least that's how I saw my life

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playing out if I had not been able to make this work and so I just I just I did everything I just

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couldn't go back to them real quick guys if you can think about how you found this podcast

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somebody probably tweeted it told you about it shared it on instagram or something like that

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the only way this grows is through word of mouth and so I don't run ads I don't do sponsorships

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I don't sell anything my only ask is that you continue to pay it forward to whoever showed you

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or however you found out about this podcast that you do the exact same thing so if it was a review

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if it was a post if you do that it would mean the world to me and you'll throw some good karma

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out there for another entrepreneur how it it's it's a it's a powerful motivator but man it's

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sucked for you and parents I mean I don't know who's watching this but if you've got a little one

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I hope you rewind that story because I think that the the parental fear can turn into a nightmare for

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our kids and luckily for you luckily maybe not luck depending on your I don't believe in luck

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on this situation but the way you were wired it turned you into a diamond but I just want to call

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out and I know this is heavy for the audience but there are a lot of kids that aren't wired like

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Alex and that can destroy their life you talk about big time depression I mean just crazy amounts

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of soul crushing stuff so parents we got to be careful here to not crush our kids soul I'm glad

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I worked out for you as am I and you know dad love you no we love yeah and by the way let me just say

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yeah none of this is dishonoring your father because he's just as normal as every other American

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but this is not a this is not a Middle Eastern thing this isn't your dad thing this is the normal

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pressure that parents feel and we've got to call it out because it comes back it's full circle

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to discussion we had earlier about college and pushing kids into stuff and if there's another

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even a wrinkle on this I think understanding the motivation of the person who's influencing you

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to stay put yes because once you could under like I think Pascal said to understand is to forgive

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yeah that's right so for me when I understood that my father and I had the same goals for my life

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he wanted me to be successful I wanted me to be successful it was just we wanted to get there

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in different ways and there's only one of us that actually has to go through it and so I felt

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like my opinion met it more and so I think that if we can delineate those things it is helpful in

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understanding that they are not adversaries they actually want your best this is me all half-talking

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to the kids they want your best you know but sometimes to the parents the kid also wants their

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own best you know what I mean and they might not be having shared with you or they were afraid to

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share with you and in so doing you might actually have an incomplete picture they did it they did

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it just as a fun side note they did a survey on political beliefs between whether they're inherited

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with kids and parents was funny is that I think it was like 45% of kids weren't actually

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sure of their parents political beliefs when they actually were asked to name them of course and

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that 75% of parents didn't know their kids beliefs and so we think that we know so much about

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these people that we spend all this time with and yet on the things that matter most the harder

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conversations we know very little so true and so much could be dealt with easier if we sat down

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and parents shared their fears with their kids and the kids shared their fears and boy it's it's so

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good Alex I recently read that 7 million American men age 25 to 54 are not working and it's on

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purpose it's not because they were laid off for fired they're choosing not to work and I study

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this every day because I'm I'm focused on the world of work helping people to do work they love

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and then cover it from all angles and so there's been economists are just scratching their

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head for the last two years coming out of the pandemic as we've seen the jobs gap right where you

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had right now that gets about 10.3 million jobs available posted jobs and then a little bit over 8

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million unemployed and that's down from 11 so we had this huge job gap well now we're starting

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to see what's going on 7 million men in America all right are choosing not to work now your numbers

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guy so we look at this and we go okay some of these are they've done well right maybe in their

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40s or 50s and they're cashed out they're doing and you got someone living in their base with mom

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and dad right some are falling hard times I mean there's a there's a big group of people here so I

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don't want to be too general but at the same time I don't mind telling you I think this is a crisis

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I think it's a crisis I think it's a sole level crisis for the majority of those 7 million

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does that concern you when you hear that do you have thoughts on why you think that is

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the way we look at work the way that you and I both believe that we were created to contribute

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through our work I believe that uh thoughts on that number because I was honestly I I gasped

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and who uses that word anymore for all you young people that's g-a-s-p-e-d it's an old term right

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I emotionally was just like whoa seven million dudes what are your thoughts on that

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so I think I would love to know the psychographics of the of the seven million so I mean sure

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there's the retired folks you know who cashed out whatever right and then I think there's probably

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a subcamp now are these people getting unemployment or are they just getting they're not getting

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unemployment they are they are just not in the system at all they're just like happily not working

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I don't know if I could use that phrase I don't think that's true so that that brings up I would

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I would imagine two camps so one because they're being supported somehow that's right so they're

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being supported it's not through government then they're being supported by family yep or spouse

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that's right and the other camp you've got people who are being supported by I would say like probably

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I'll say you've got the spouse supported ones yep and then you've got the like family supported ones

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that's correct that's exactly right you ought to look at those two things I actually think that

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despite the fact that the stay at home dad with the breadwinning mom has a use case and then the other

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and the the basement mom you know mom's basement kid I actually and I'm probably going to get a lot

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of flack for this but I actually think it has I think it has stems all the way down to masculinity

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in general and how it's being redefined and so and this is again I'm not the big labeler of good or

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bad I'm just trying to say what I at least what I observe is that I think being a man and working

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and providing 30 years ago 50 years ago we're inextricably linked uh-huh being a man and providing

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for your family we're one and the same that's right one was a requisite for the other you cannot call

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yourself a man if you do not provide for your family that narrative has shifted and so I think that

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in the the spouse you know the the wife works dad stays at home there are arguments for that I'm

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very conservative when it comes to like how how I like to live my life with my wife et cetera like

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I don't imagine a world where I would not be the provider ever it's just and again I had I was

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raised with very conservative militia and values so like that's innate to my DNA good or bad who knows

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but that's I think men in based on my experience men are built to work that's that that's right on

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the other side with mom's basement right I think that there's an entire subset of men who feel

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completely hopeless and disheartened and feel like the system is out to get them now there are there's

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the other side of the aisle that says you know if you're a man you're born with all of these privileges

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and blah blah blah blah we can say whatever we want in my opinion human suffering feels the same

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if you were the one suffering that's right and so a 10 out of 10 pain for one person from being

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beat up by their dad versus a 10 out of 10 pain for being sexually abused by an uncle I'm just

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getting real here 10 out of 10 still feels like 10 out of 10 now we can make an argument that

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maybe just being physically abused getting beat up versus being sexually abused it's you'd rather

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be physically abused if you had the pick right right but I think in terms of how humans experience

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reality pain is pain and so we like to objectify things and quantify them but I think that for that

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subset they still feel like they're being told all the time that they have these advantage advantages

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and yet aren't succeeding and so it's easier for the ego to say I'm not going to try because at least

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now I'm not failing that's exactly right and so I think a lot of people have opted out because the

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pain of failure is too great for them and because they feel like the chips are stacked against them

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and they feel they're self-esteem is rock bottom because they can't keep promises themselves

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and so they continue to perpetuate that and I do think it's a massive problem and I think that

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again as contrary and as this is I think I think guys especially younger guys need a lot of help

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and I think there's a lot of anger and I think that like the proliferation of like

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entertain some of those types of characters I think that what they did was they gave a voice

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to some of that disenfranchised group it wasn't like eliminating tape doesn't eliminate the root

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which a lot of men feel emasculinated they feel disrespected and to be fair they are not worthy of

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respect because they have not done anything respectable and so it's a bit of a chicken and the egg

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problem but like someone needs to start the flame to say like if you want the respect you have to do

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the stuff that gets you it as much as we could say I wish the world gave unconditional love I wish

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the world gave unconditional respect it doesn't work that way and so rather than lamenting the way

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the world is we can see it for what it is and then play within those boundaries I think you and

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I are probably both big on personal responsibility right so I don't want to in any way confuse

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but I want to address what you said Alex was I think you're right but I think a lot of the problem

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lies on the first and second floor not the kid not the not the grown up kid in the basement on

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his screens getting the dopamine and I think what's happened is is that we have bubble wrapped our

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kids to the point where the fear of failures actually way worse than the failure itself

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so there was a little study that said that it takes about 20 hours to become you get the most

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amount of gains in a new skill in the first 20 hours like if learning it you want to learn the guitar

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you want to sing you want to learn a cold call first 20 hours you get by percentage of skill acquisition

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you get the most in that first 20 the problem is that people will wait years to start the first

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that's correct because they're so afraid of that of the pain of not being good enough because they

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expect for everything to be easy and I think it circles back to what we said at the very beginning

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I mean in that to me is the crisis and certainly you you addressed a lot of issues it's not all one

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thing but my goodness I I think it it's not popular say what you said anymore I'm glad you said it

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but there is inherently in a man a craving men and women are different and I don't think that's

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controversial to say but there's a craving there's a craving in a man to to go do something

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and and so we're seeing a lot of this now where they've never been pushed they've ever been

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challenged to do anything and it's a big scary world out there and as a as a so I study a lot of

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human behavior stuff because I think it's really interesting just for motor force is persuading

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etc and so I have the belief that all humans are addicted everyone's addicted the question is

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what are we addicted to and so like I am addicted to the dopamine rush that I get or the serotonin

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whatever from lots of grit and then payoff right so I I know I understand that cycle well

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and so I like to play it as many times as I can I think that with some of this this seven

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million that you're talking about they have they also have an addiction but they got addicted to

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something that was not pro social or it's not per work and so to your point about the the video

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games in the basement they are addicted to that and they do get dopamine they do get in a way that

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is superior to anything that happens in the real world and it's being enabled by the parents that

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continue to subsidize that addiction yeah so true wow good stuff there all right I want to give you

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the final word here just a fun question I love to ask a lot of my guests right who is your how

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would you describe your demographic your core audience what would you say they are probably 25 to

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35 year old uh yeah nails all right that's yeah that's certainly mine on YouTube which is YouTube in

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general so let's say you're talking every 25 to 35 year old dude in the world all right you got

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the loudspeaker maybe you got the old classic you know horn and you're talking to him one message

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only one from your guts today what do you tell him

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you must pick a goal and do you so much work that it would be unreasonable for you not to succeed

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that if you were to look back having done an amount of work that it would be virtually impossible

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for you to fail that you said I did that and I can promise you that if you do that level of work

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that volume of activity over an extended period of time and to to quote Neil Strauss without

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thinking you're smarter than you are uh you will probably get there in half the time but you have

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to start and you have to start that first hour and now we can wait a decade to get there